


How it should be

by rizzlesshipper4ever



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-06-02 05:56:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 49
Words: 205,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6553666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rizzlesshipper4ever/pseuds/rizzlesshipper4ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rizzles all the way, NO BEARDS. Family, Romance, Fluff, Crime...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Division One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so we apparently all NOT own Rizzoli & Isles. If they were mine, it would have gone this way. Just borrowed to have fun ;)

_**So... I'm going to post this here, too. This is my first and only fiction. Hope you have fun. ATM I'm really busy, but later on I'm going to fix the first one or two chapter's a bit, bc I wrote it three years ago and I've grown a bit since then :)** _

**Maura's POV**

I was down in the morgue bend over an autopsy table. I was closing up a dead body transferred from Massachusetts General Hospital as a knock at the door pulled my attention away. The door swung open and a lanky dark-haired woman entered. I heard an audible gasp from her lips and looked up to her face.

I would have recognized her prominent facial bones under a million people. Her mouth snapped open but there was no sound. She repeated it three times before I decided to speak. "May I help you?"

She stared at me and stuttered. "Um… yeah…I…I…Detective Jane Rizzoli…see…I'm so sorry for last time we met…ok let me do this again." She turned around and left. The door opened again after a knock and she walked in again.

"Hello, I'm Detective Jane Rizzoli, Homicide. I want to apologise to you about my rudeness two weeks ago. I know it's not a good excuse but I didn't get much sleep the night before and I was stressed about my case."

She offered me a beautiful smile and I am caught so off guard, I simply answer with 'You are welcome'. I pulled my gloves off and gave her a polite smile in return. "Dr. Maura Isles."

She offered me her hand but I only gazed at it and watched her facial expression shift. That smile left her face and she turned half towards the door before she looked at me again. "Maybe I can buy you lunch today as a new start."

I was lost for words and could only look at her.

"Um… okay. You… um… I will leave now. If you want to grab some lunch you can give me a call." She walked out again.

I don't know how long I stood there and how silly I must have looked but Mr. Foster didn't mind and apart from him I was alone. Somehow I managed to store the dead man into the cooling and the next thing I knew was me, sitting in my office.

I tried to gather myself. I really had no idea what was going on. Okay that was theoretically a lie, I knew very well what was going on. It had never left my mind the two weeks before that day, but on the other side it wasn't a lie. Two weeks ago from that day I caught myself vérifier* a woman.

Usually I did never mind to admire a well toned human body regardless whether male or female but back then that was a different kind of scenario. Well this woman was really rude and outrageous but she was also… handsome…sexy…hot. And this voice.

It is the human nature to response aroused toward a potential mating partner. What involves a strong bone and muscles structure, an impressive appearance and an appealing fragrance. In my case, as a female human being, this would be applicable toward a male and this is what had happen before. A woman, at least scientifically, was not really a potential mating partner for another woman.

Sexuality is fluid and this is exactly what I was in this moment. Fluid. This voice. Apart from her words was her voice what unleashed a rush of variously hormones in me and I was more as slightly sexual aroused. And that was what exactly confused me. I was always capable to admit when I thought a woman was beautiful but I never was attracted to one.

Yes I have to admit that if and only if I wasn't at work and more comfortable with other humans at all and if I was a little more impulsive, I would have paid this beautiful creation for some hours of passion. Well blessedly I never proposed this impure overture.

I met minutes ago the prostitute who haunted me at night since our unpleasant encounter in the 'Division One Café' and it would have been more than humiliating for me since she was a detective undercover. So I accepted her invitation for lunch not as unselfish as it should have been. And we got along very well.

I am not the first choice for other people to make friends with. The last escape would be more truthful but with Jane it was different. After our first lunch we ate as much together at work as we could. Jane was easy to like, she didn't jump on my social awkwardness. It was more the other way around. Jane is really protective when it comes to me. She doesn't know that I am aware of how often she defended my honour at the BPD.

The first time I really knew she cared for me was two weeks after our first lunch.

I was on my way towards the bullpen of Homicide and before I could round the corner, I accidentally overheard two men talking. "Yo Tompson heard the news already?"

" 'bout Rizzoli?"

"Yeah. Don't know why a sex-bomb like her would let such a jerk into her pants."

Until the next sentence I asked myself why Jane had lied to me about her relationship. I had asked her the day before and she told me that she was single. "Yea me neither. But I think the Ice-bitch is just in need of a hard dick and a good fuck."

That was when I stopped walking. 'Ice-bitch' was one of my nicknames along with some others. While I tried to connect what I had heard their ribald conversation went on and I start walking again. Just as I rounded the corner I saw Jane with her back towards me.

"What's up ass-kisser? Not the balls to face me?"

"Rizzoli"

"Yeah, don't Rizzoli me," she had her hand up.

"I think it's time for apologising."

"Why?" one of them asked

"Why? Really?" Like a lightning she had one of them at his hem.

"I give a damn what you talk about me, but the doc is out of limit."

"Yeah out of your limit, did you boozed the queen up to get her willed." The other Officer laughed. That was the first time I saw Jane punch someone.

"Fuck you Rizzoli."

"You wish. If I ever hear you talking about her like that again you end up on her table. Son of a bitch."

She shoved the head of the other Officer into the wall and walked up to her desk again. She didn't notice me standing in the hallway. From this day on, every time someone was rude towards me or insulted me and she witnessed it, I found little presents on my desk afterwards.

Often it would just be a Post-It with some nice words on it. Sometimes it was candy or a small stuffed animal. I don't know how many fights she pulled because of me and she never mentioned them but I know she had plenty. The worst one was in the gym. I treated her hands afterwards but she does not know I saw her fighting.

We had a rough week and I hadn't got the chance to run. So I went to the gym. While I was running I listened to the noises of my surrounding. I could hear the clinking of metal from the butterfly, the buzz of a skipping rope in the air and a steady  _tap-tap-thud_  from the punching bag.

I heard the door and some low voices and laughter then it died again. The other sounds stayed. After a while the group of men came out of the locker rooms, I couldn't see but hear them.

It all started with a whistle, the derogatory one and an insult towards her. She stayed calm until one of the men insulted me. He illustrated in any shades of colours how he would show off his manhood to me. In a very disgusting way.

She had punched his face without gloves because of me. Because of defending my honour. Four hard punches against hard bones and her hands showed off a lot of damage. I treated her wounds down in the morgue without any words about what had happened. I never was an exponent of violence but I couldn't help myself to be turned on by her.

Two weeks after it Hoyt happened, and if that wasn't already enough he happened again, today. Three month after the first time.

Jane comes into the morgue. "I found carpet fibre on Gail Yeager's body. Lab is processing it,"I said while staring trough the microscope. She hands me a can of tuna salad. "Thanks," I smile at her.

She looks exhausted. "Hoyt didn't meet his apprentice in prison or medical school - all 80 classmates are clean." While she talks, the door opens and Agent 'I-think-my-mystery-appearance-is-sexy-as-hell' Dean walks in. He gives us a puzzled look. "You guys eating cat food?"

Jane pushes her can under his nose. "Yeah, you want some?" He closed his eyes and shakes his head once. "No."

Jane turns towards me. "Guess it's a chick thing." I smile at her tone as she ask in a ghetto slang. "What's up?"

Dean has his hands down in his pockets and frowns "You may want to sit down."

"No. Tell me," her tone fakes disinterestedness.

"A few hours ago, uh…, Charles Hoyt escaped custody." The colour from Jane's face vanishes and she sits down on the table. She looks at me.

"Oh, my God." I'm really worried now. Both of them leave together to watch the security video from the hospital.

***

I'm waiting for Agent Dean. He called me to bring some documents over. He is kind of odd and I wonder why he showed up at our crime scene in the first place. The doorbell rings. As I open the door I am thrilled about the sight on my threshold.

Jane. For the first time in my home. I smile at her. "Why do you always look like you're about to do a photo shoot?" I lead her into my kitchen and get her a glass of water. "Thank you."

I walk around the counter. "God, what is that?" Jane yells.

"Shh. You'll scare him."

She looks at bass as if he is an alien. "He's alive?" she asks.

"His name is Bass. Geochelone sulcata, African spurred tortoise. I've had him since he was like this big." I explain to her while I show her with my fingers how small bass was and pick up a strawberry. "He's partial to British strawberries." I crouch down and offer him his berry.

"Bass? What, after an old boyfriend?" I look at her again.

"William M. Bass, the forensic anthropologist who founded the famous body farm."

"Right, yeah, that Bass." "No, it's okay," I tell Bass.

"Yeah, he's a great pet. Really interactive, I'll bet," she snorted. I pet his shell. "Mm-hmm."

After I finish my wine I show her the way to my guest room downstairs. "So, how long can a person go without sleeping?" she asks me.

"Hallucinations begin by day four, followed by slurred speech, short attention span, and death."

"You're better than Wikipedia."

"Well, Wikipedia is frequently incorrect. Very little is rigorously peer-reviewed."

The doorbell rings again. Except from her anxious reaction I'm annoyed.  _Why now?_  I ask myself. "Somebody's just dropping something off," I try to soothe her. I walk over to the door, take the papers from Agent Dean and try to get rid of him as fast as I can. I knock at the door and smile as the answers me 'Go away. I'm asleep.' I slide as close as I can into bed beside her.

"Are we having a sleepover, or is this your way of telling me you're attracted to me?" She asked me smiling.  _Yes this is my way of telling you that._  But I can't answer that so I laugh.

"So it was Dean you were expecting?" she asks me and I think my face tells how I am not so happy about that topic. "He wanted my opinion on another case." "What case?" "I can't say," I answer.

"Fine. Go sleep in your own room."  _Only if you accompany me._

"Jane" There is a nice silence. I can smell her unique scent. Lavender, vanilla and Jane.

*checking out in Maura-language

**Thank you very much for your time, review would be awesome ;)**

**Twitter: rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	2. Sleepover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter One)

 

**_"Fine. Go sleep in your own room." Only if you accompany me._ **

**_"Jane" There is a nice silence. I can smell her unique scent. Lavender, vanilla and Jane._ **

There is a thud and a noise outside the room. Jane sits up in bed. She was really jumpy today. Maura's hand touches her right shoulder blade and she sits up too. She is jumpy but she's also aware about the reaction to the doctor's touch. She assures the detective that it's just Bass making those noises. Maura switches off the light and they lay in silent side by side.

Jane never denied that Maura was really sexy and it was her first thought at her first look, seconds before Maura had intended to pay for her coffee. However after a nice talk, Jane was mesmerized by the quirky M.E.

After that she would fall for her more day by day until she realized that it was more than friendship, for her right from the beginning it was something different. First Jane had tried to fight it off. She labelled her own feelings as misunderstanding. She has had never feelings for a woman. Not those kinds of feelings.

Some Cops called her gay, yay! She was 'badass Rizzoli', she had more balls as the most of them together. She didn't care if anyone called her gay or dyke and when falling for the most beautiful, most sensual, most intelligent, most elegant and most faithful soul on mother earth made her gay then this is how it should be.

Jane grinned. She had somewhere in the past created her own word, if there was a label that fit her it would be "maurasexual". She didn't talk often and for sure reluctantly about her love life, especially to Maura. She was afraid to give away her secret and for nothing on earth she would risk their friendship.

Jane was at peace with her feelings for Maura, most of the time. She was madly in love with the silly and quirky doc and she enjoyed every minute of their togetherness. But sometimes it got her bad. Like now.

For sure Jane knows Dr. Maura Isles was a masterpiece of art and Jane would always be the adorer behind the rope, lifetime to admire but never in touch. Because of Maura, Jane had wished for the first time in her life she was born upper class.

There was nothing to regret in being raised in the streets of South Boston. She had enjoyed most of her life, her parents were very kind, and during her childhood there was a lot of love and care. There was always enough money for clothes, a warm home and a nice meal every day. Not more, who cares?

There was plenty of more than money. Every evening there was time for a board game, one day in week her father would spend time with only one of his kids, Jane's "Poptime" was Friday. One live Redsox game in a month for one kid and Pop, four games a year, each.

After family dinner on Sunday, it was time for Basketball in the driveway. Saturday was family–night with Disney movies and five-folks-cuddling-on-a-couch-for-three with hot chocolate and cookies.

There were holidays at Cape Ann and at "Rizzoli Empire", a large country house with plenty of woods and meadows, a cabin and a riding stable, only a few foots away from Lake Winnipesaukee. One time in every year would be the whole Rizzoli - Clan meet there, all generations in one house from all over the country.

Jane was proud, no way to deny. She was a blue collar-Italian-Southiekid, she was according to an IQ test gifted (149 points uh huh!), she was during High-school one of the best aggressor and goalie in field-hockey, her Nonna had taught her to play the piano and to sing, she was truly gifted with a soul for music, she had made it through the tough admission exam from BCU, the police academy and had achieved full points through both exams, Officer and Detective.

She is fluent in Italian and Spanish. She knew more French than she would ever admit, 'cause Italian and French are related languages. She knew also to use "Mr. Adverb " in the right way. But who cares anyway? Jane Rizzoli was no one to brag.

Detective Jane Clementine Rizzoli is a Southie and Southiekids are potty mouths, e basta! She is loud, wild, untamed, stubborn, wayward and eccentric. She is and will always be "Hurricane Rizzoli", the Italian-tomboyish-thunderstorm that rampages through a interrogation room and will leave nothing but devastation. But because of Maura, Jane had wished for the first time in her live she was more than that.

Looking over at Maura, with just the streetlights outside brighten the room, Jane studied her expression. It appeared that she was sleeping. Even in her sleep Maura was composed. Lying on her back, her arms folded neatly across her stomach.

Jane suddenly itched to feel the silky texture of her shirt. Moving lightly, as to not wake Maura, Jane turned on her side to face her. Hesitantly, Jane reached up, running her hand slowly down Maura's arm. The touch was feathery, she didn't want to wake Maura and had to explain her actions.

Allowing her hand to wander back up Maura's arm, Jane tucked a stray of hair out of her face, behind her ears. "Damn Maura." Jane whispered. "Why did I have to fall in love with you out of all people?" Knowing it was wrong, but for once in her life she had to voice those words and now she was bold enough. Jane lifted herself above the doctor, leaning down to kiss her lips softly. They were tender and tasted sweet beneath Jane's lips and the detective sighed sadly. She would probably never get to taste them again.

Lying back down at her best friend's side, Jane fell asleep, the only thing in her mind; Maura.

The moment Maura sensed that Jane was asleep, her hand flew to her lips. It was true that Maura had drifted off for a while, but she had been fully awake as Jane's hand had traced patterns on her arm, heard her whispered confession, and felt the soft press of her lips against her own. Turning her head to look at Jane, Maura bit her lip.

Of course, she had contemplated what it would be like to "be" with Jane, but had never considered the real possibility of it. The desire that in first place Jane and then Maura herself had ignited was strong and it threatened to invade her.

How badly would she… Looking over at Jane, her only friend in her entire life, her best friend and the woman she loved. Always had been in love with her. Those touches, those glances, even their banter about her clothes and her googlemouth… Maura loved all of it.

With one last glance at Jane beside her, Maura knew that Jane would never do anything to harm their friendship. Maura was going to be the one to make the first move. Carefully spooning Jane, her arm around the Detective's waist, closing her eyes, Maura fell asleep, planning.

The next morning Maura woke up first, being accustomed to waking up at six every morning. Her heartbeat was increased, the feelings of her dream pounding wildly under her skin. She was so impatient to start her "mission deviously".

Maura knew she had tons of time before Jane would be up. Normally, she would shower and dress, before making herself a healthy breakfast. Today however, Maura decided to wait to shower and dress.

Despite the fact, that what Maura planned to do was slightly cruel, Maura couldn't lie to her self. It was going to be fun teasing Jane. If there was one thing that Maura was the master of, it was the art of seduction. She went through her walk-in closet to her yoga room. For about an hour Maura stretched and worked away all the kinks that had built up from sleeping.

Once she was all good and warmed up she checked on Jane. The Detective was still asleep. "Oh Jane." Maura shook her head, grabbing a towel and went to take a shower. If she lingered in there for an extra ten minutes she would be coming out the moment Jane woke up. And Maura did just that.

She emerged from the bathroom, wet hair clinging to her face, water droplets running down her legs, and a small towel wrapped around her slender form that barely covered what it was supposed to. The Cop rubbed her eyes, biting back a groan. Surely she has to be dreaming. "Morning Jane." Maura said curtly, walking along the bed to get to her closet.

She made sure to swing her hips a little bit more than normal. "Uh…" Jane coughed. "Morning" Her voice was huskier than normal and Jane blamed it on just waking up.

"You're welcome to take a shower if you'd like." Maura called from the door. "Come upstairs when you are ready, I'm sure we find some clothes for you."

"Okay sure." Jane nodded, sliding out of the bed. "Thanks." She headed into the bathroom. After showering Jane made her way upstairs and decided for the half closed slide-door to be Maura's bedroom.

She knocks and she cast a glance directly into the doctor's closet. Theoretically it was unavoidable not to watch as the closet was vis á vis with the door. What Jane saw made an instant burn ache between her legs. The door was only partially closed and Maura was standing right behind the visible part. Her back to Jane, the towel on the floor around her feet, clad in only a skimpy pair of black, lace panties, the most sinful pair of panties and a matching bra.

Jane stood motionless, her gaze frozen at Maura who was bending over and was shaking out her hair. As she saw the M.E. starting to turn around, Jane cleared her throat. Maura grinned, putting the rest of her clothes on. Despite what Jane thought, Maura was not as innocent as she appeared to be.

"Come in," the blonde piped up. Trying to get the image of Maura's curvy, barely covered body out of her mind wasn't working.  _Jesus Rizzoli what's up? This isn't new you've seen her before in the gym._  You've dreamed about her before.  _Oh shut up, don't go there. Shoot. Now you're one of those grim men, congrats. Come on Maura get out of my head. Think something sweet like puppies. Fuck this isn't working._

At work they ended up with Jane being pissed about Maura's involvement with Dean and his mysterious case and Jane storming off to introduce the 'fed-ass' to the 'bad-ass'.

While Jane was at the meeting with Agent Dean and the Senator, Maura was called to the detective's apartment. What a mess.

As there was not so much to do for the medical examiner, she called her friend to tell her about the ransacked and wrecked place. She waited for her, unsuccessfully. After several calls ending up directly to her voice mail she detected her abandoned car outside and she unleashed hell.

And she walked through the same.

The relieving phone call from Detective Korsak came nearly two hours later. As Jane opens her door and the state of her place bite her she slides down the wood. All she wishes now was a couch, a blanket, a hot cacao, a Disney movie and Maura to cuddle.

As if on cue the M.E. appeared in her doorframe right after Jo Friday carrying a terrarium with a little tortoise. As she bent down to look at the tiny creature she named it in her head as Watson. Doctor and Detective united in one person. She dumps Maura's offer to help her cleaning up and invite her to a bar instead.

 

 


	3. Now or never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get that party started..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter One)

 

**_As if on cue the M.E. appeared in her doorframe right after Jo Friday carrying a terrarium with a little tortoise. As she bent down to look at the tiny creature she named it in her head as Watson. Doctor and Detective united in one person. She dumps Maura's offer to help her cleaning up and invite her to a bar instead._ **

Maura offered Jane to crash down with her. So after two Cosmos for Maura and two beers for Jane they end up on the couch in Beacon Hill and talked for a while about the last few days.

After some moments of silence the doctor speaks up. "There is an open bottle of white wine, would you like some?"

"I think I would drown isopropyl alcohol tonight." Maura smiles and tries to get up.

"I'll get it," the detective says and pads the M.E.'s knee. As she opens the fridge to search for the bottle she can feel a hand between her shoulder blades.

"Jane?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for opening up to me." Maura's voice, barely a whisper right beside Jane's ear, her fingers at the back of the Cop's neck. Goose bumps crawls over the detective's skin as she senses the nails of her friend on her hairline.

She swallows hard. One second, two seconds, three seconds, there is still this soft scrape on her skin.  _Now or never Rizzoli!_

Jane is up like lightning and her eyes met Maura's instantly, her hands on the other woman's cheekbones and then there is a millisecond of hesitation before their lips touch, nothing more. Both of them remain motionless for some moments and then Maura starts to move her lips and this touch converts to a sensual kiss.

The doctor's hand on the back of Jane's neck. They kiss softly and sweetly, gently and lovingly, on and on. Without breaking their kiss the M.E. was suddenly sitting on her kitchen counter, her legs loosely around Jane's waist. The detective's hands on the side of Maura's knees.

"Maura," she whispers. The top of her skull slightly press against the M.E.'s collarbone. "I have to apologize to you. I shouldn't have kissed you without permission."

The doctor's fingers cup Jane's jaw, her thumps stroke over the detective's cheeks and she forces the Italian to look at her. Just before their lips meet again Jane's voice sounds in a whisper.

"God. Maura you're shivering. That's not what I intended. No. That's not true. There was nothing more that I dreamed of, than to kiss you but I didn't intend to force you. I have to apol…" Maura locks their gaze.

"I heard you last night and I've been waiting since then, to kiss you again." The medical examiner pulls Jane closer with her legs and amplify her clutch on the woman in front of her. The next kiss is not less tender but more intense and would be hold on up to ten minutes.

Somewhere in between, Maura fumbles Jane's shirt from her pants and her hands sneak to the small of the detective's back.

"Maura" Jane sucks in a deep breath. "I can't do this to myself." The doctor scoots upwards until her hands were on each one of the Cop's shoulder blades.

"Do you really think I will ever let you leave again? Did you actually have a clue for how long I've dreamed of kissing you, to touch you, to feel you? I know my reputation precedes me, but you know I'm not a black widow and also not a mantis. I would never…"

"Hey, hey. Stop" This time it was Jane's turn to kiss the other woman. Her finger's caresses those cute ears of the blonde.

"Do you have any idea what you are getting into?" There was another soft kiss. "I'm cranky and," another kiss. "Stubborn and," another kiss. "Noisy and," another kiss.

"Keyed up and," another kiss. "Embarrassing and," another kiss. "I can be really, really jealous and," another kiss.

"I'm a Rizzoli, which would have explained all of the traits in one word and I've already got one foot in the grave on a daily basis." Maura's tongue asks for admission and after a long and languid kiss it was the doctor's turn to talk.

"When I look at you, I see a loving, loyal, warm-hearted, caring, brave, courageous, strong, sensitive and sensual beauty who liked to sell herself less under her value. I'm so, so in love with you and I don't care what someone think of you, what they call you, of where you come from, how much money do you earn or what you do for a living. It's exactly the other way around. All of this is you and that's all I need. We have danced along each other for too much of time. I love you, I need you and I want you. Only you, and I don't intent to let you take this away from me."

Jane swallows hard. "Wow. I'm kinda in a hot seat right now." Jane laughed shyly. "How shall I surpass…"

Maura's index finger press flat on Jane's lips. "Do not even try it. Do you have an idea how many times in my entire life men have told me how beautiful I am, how smart I am, how much they desire me. There is no need for words right now. All I need to know is that you will stand by my ground and that we will always fight for this no matter what." Jane smiled softly.

"Detective Rizzoli prepared to man up for you. Is there included that I'm not allowed to tell you how beautiful I think you are or how super sexy, smart I think my geeky doctor is?" She smirked.

"'Cause in this case I will prefer my crappy little apartment and my unfulfilled daydreams about my quirky best friend to stand the chance that I'll be allowed to say what is need to be said. So, Dr. Isles time is running it's all about you." She gazes to her watch and smirked steady.

"You are aware of the fact that no one should rush into such important decisions? I know there was one of your bad behaviours missing, your impatience."

"Jeez Doc, got some balls today and I might have detected that your hormones elicit your sarcasm."

Maura beams. "Learned from the best"

They giggle both in their tight embrace and go back to more kisses. Maura's hands slide back under the detective's shirt and she shivers. "You're the only one that causes me goose bumps with a touch." Their next kiss is slow and tender at first, this time it is Jane who slips her tongue between Maura's slightly parted lips. An audible sigh escapes the doctor as the kiss intensifies and her fingertips brushes the soft skin of the detective's back, up and down. Jane toys with those beautiful blond locks. Maura uses her legs and arms to pull Jane as close as possible.

A slightly noticeable twitch in Jane's stomach against Maura's center causes her to moan. The detective breaks their kiss and starts to peck the doctor's chin, her jaw line and her ear. "I love you" The whisper sent a shiver through the M.E.'s entire body and as Jane kisses and softly sucks below her ear, all of her feelings are sky-rocking.

Her head is spinning, her skin prickles and anything on her body is standing at attention. Jane's kiss travels in slow motion down her neck and to her shoulder, from collarbone to collarbone to the other shoulder, upward her neck and back to her lips. "Touch me," Maura whispers against the other woman's lips. Jane's hands loosen that golden hair, her wrists rest on shoulders and fingertips caress the skin at the doctor's neck.

As Jane's lips meet her weak spot below her ear again she reaches for both of the detective's hands and places them on her breasts and guiding them with her own. Jane's palms are pressing flat to Maura who shoves them gently up and down. Then Jane notice fingers fumbling at her shirt buttons. One after another lose the battle against those small, skilled digits.

Finally open, fingertips tickles over her chest, her shoulders, and slowly pulls off her shirt. Their kiss is deep and slow and pure of love. Maura's fingertips don't miss an inch of Jane's skin. She slides her arms around the detective's neck and whispers beside her ear "Take me upstairs, please."

Jane places her hands on Maura's butt and lifts her up, without breaking the kiss she pad trough the kitchen into the hallway and turns to the right. And there they stop. Maura's back against the wall to the kitchen, they kiss and touch and stroke.

Maura fumbles open the buckle on Jane's belt and unbolt the button. Next stop is on top of the stairway, this time Maura's back touches the opposite wall and she unzips the detective's slacks sending them downwards. Kiss still unbroken, Jane steps with her left foot on her pants and pulls her right leg free, as she begin to move again, she kicks them away.

Maura's dress is up to her hips but she is still fully clothed. Jane's strong hands spread across her naked skin on her butt. Only one door and eighteen feet away from her destination. Jane in her bed, finally.

The detective uses her right elbow to push down the door handle and Maura's back touches the wood. From there in the threshold it is yet fourteen-two feet. Then she is gently lowered onto the bed and Jane on her knees above her, their kiss still unbroken. Maura slide her hands over Jane's belly and pulls Jane with her legs on top of her.

"Did I ever tell you how sexy your abdominal musculature is?"

The detective grins against the doctor's lips. "Is that 'Dr. Isles version' of dirty talk?"

Maura brushes her nose against Jane's. "Try to disclose that secret." She lifts the doctor again and slides them upward the mattress.

The naked skin of her belly touches the M.E. between her legs and Maura takes a deep breath, holds it for a few seconds and moans soft against Jane's neck.

Jane's breath hitches and Maura's nails continue to scrape gently over the skin on her back. The doctor's nose strokes along the neck as she enjoys and drowns in Jane's smell. The intoxicating mixture of a scent of lavender from her body wash, the scent of vanilla from her shampoo and Jane. Pure Jane. Pure Jane, without the smallest gab between them.

Their lips meet again for a very long and mind-blowing kiss that ends with some longer pecks and Jane's bottom lip between Maura's teeth. Without the slightest pressure she pulls and releases it slowly. "I would like to feel your skin against mine." She whispers hoarsely. The detective simply smiles and grants her permission.

Maura unclasps Jane's bra and drops it beside her bed. Jane lifts herself on her knees again and whispers. "Turn around." And the doctor slowly faces the mattress. Jane's hands spread over Maura's calves and caress every single piece of skin again in nearly slow motion. She pays the same attention to Maura's tights and then her fingertips drive upwards along the doctor's sides until she reaches the upper hem of the dress.

She unzips it in the same speed like her strokes before. Every inch of skin is greeted with a small and tender kiss. Once the zipper is in his final position she lifts up both of their bodies, both on their knees, their shins flat on the mattress, Maura's legs between Jane's and back against front.

The detective presses her palms flat on the doctor's tights and drives slowly upwards under the dress which is lifted as well through the motion. Maura's arms go straight up in the air and her garment is gone. She smiles as Jane carefully and neatly put it to the outer edge of her bed. She disrobes her bra meanwhile by herself, and toss it into the room.

Maura let her head fall back to the detective's right shoulder and her arms loops backwards around the neck, her fingers in Jane's hair. Warm, soft and strong hands ghosting over the doctor's belly while in the meantime tender lips are kissing and caressing her neck, shoulder and collarbone. Jane's fingertips slide up slowly over the sides and along arms. Maura's breath increases every second a bit. Slender fingers closing around perfectly hands and massage them gently. The graceful M.E tries to press her body even closer to the detective.

Jane's fingertips travel carefully downwards at the same way. Arms, shoulders, sides, belly. She press her hands flat on the body in front of her and cup tenderly Maura's naked breasts for the first time. As her scars slide over the erect buds the doctor breath hisses and exhales moaning.

"When I was in junior high school my nonna took me to Italy. I can't quite remember where it was, but it was in one of some museums we visited, there was a picture from a young woman. It was the first and the last time until I met you, that I adored a female body. This girl was so angel-like, so perfect, so flawless. A goddess in oil on canvas. A masterpiece of art. How did you manage to alight from this painting?"

 

 


	4. Naughty, Dr. Isles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter One)

 

**_"When I was in junior high my nonna took me to Italy, I can't quite remember where it was, but it was in one of some museums we visited, there was a picture from a young woman. It was the first and the last time until I met you that I adored a female body. This girl was so angel-like, so perfect, so flawless. A goddess in oil on canvas. A masterpiece of art. How did you manage to alight from this painting?"_ **

Maura's entire body tingles. She turns her lips to Jane's ear and whispers hoarsely. "I knew I had fallen for you after the first time we met for lunch and I'm still falling." Jane smiles and kisses Maura.

"I will never be able to get enough from you. You're so profound and the most mysterious human being I've ever met. I think I will never reach down to the bottom of you," the Italian whispers back.

The doctor lowers herself to the mattress face first on her elbows, arching back and her butt still in the air. Jane follows, hovers over her, kissing her neck and shoulders. Her tongue slides oh so slowly, down the doctor's spine then kissing the same way back upwards. She sucks softly at the skin behind Maura's ear and drives the small M.E. nearly crazy.

She caresses Maura's whole backside with her lips and hands and each time she comes near her hips the doctor shivers slightly. Jane ghosts her nails gently and slowly down over the M.E.'s skin. As she makes her way up again, she leaves a trail of kisses while her own skin follows her fingers until both of their bodies touch in all possible places. "So, so pretty." Jane whispers and kisses her ear.

Maura stumbles over Jane's word. Never anyone had called her pretty. Beautiful, sexy yes but never pretty. Dr. Isles was moaning softly and the detective resumes her torture again.

This time she starts by first sucking tenderly and then kissing every vertebra down the slender and toned back. Shivers one after another, running down Maura's spine. Jane slides her flat palm over the buttocks and just below the hem of the doctor's panties starting again with her kisses and caresses. Maura's head falls between her arms and she moans. "Jane… just…, just take them off already, please." There is no second thought about begging.

As a matter of fact she was proud, way too proud to beg for something and she would have rather died than beg in bed with one of her toy boy's. But this here was for sure written on another page. This was Jane and she was willing to do the full mount if that was what it needed. This was Jane and she was madly in love with the Italian tomboy. A single look at the detective was able to ruin her panties and all she had done was kissing and caressing.

All alone her imagination was driving her wild. "Please" Jane kisses the small of her back and slides her fingers along the hem of the lacy garment. Slowly she makes her way down her legs and the detective's thought wanders back to the morning when Maura had left the door open obviously for Jane's amusement. As the fabric reaches the ankles, the small blonde kicks them forcefully away.

Jane giggles at the foreign side of her friend. "Naughty, Dr. Isles! I was sure you would have had more patience than that." Maura moans. Jane was using her own words. Normally it was the detective that was the master of impatience. She turns her head and glances over her shoulder, slowly her legs part a little wider.

"Maybe. There is only one thing on my mind right now and that is you. You with your soft lips and your gentle hands and all I can think about is how you will feel inside me."

_Holy fuck_  those are all the words Jane can form inside her head. There is the well-behaved Dr. Maura Isles on her knees in front of her, naked and asking for her touch. She knows this posture is called "Garbahasana" or child's pose and she will never be able to do yoga without this picture in her head again.

The detective is for a moment turned into a pillar of salt. A moan from the M.E and a glance in those sultry eyes bring her back onto the page.

Her hips press against Maura's butt as she leans down on the bare body and her hand roams over the doctor's front. Kissing the pale neck she rises again ,bringing the M.E.'s body up to their former position. Another shiver is running down Maura's spine.

The feeling from Jane, so pure on her skin, is driving her out of her mind. It is incredible intense and yet totally confusing. On one hand she wants nothing more than Jane on and in her, to get rid of this unbearable sexual tension, while on the other hand all she wished for is that this moment would never end.

She feels lips at her neck and fingertips on her front. Jane is drawing slowly, pattern over the belly, upwards her sides to her shoulders and the same way back. Nearly in slow-motion she slides higher and touches the underside of Maura's breasts, moving from there along the shapes to the outside and over the swells. She spreads her palms on the skin and this time she drives over the breasts. As her scars meet hard buds, the doctor's entire body twitches once.

Science must definitely be wrong. Maura is about to take an oath that her pulse has reached a million beats per minute and her body temperature feels like thousand degrees. Her breath has incredibly increased and she realizes that if she has to take this much longer she will either come or pass out.

"Jane." She moans slowly as the detective's scars once more hit her buds.

"Jane, please. I don't know… how long I can stand this anymore" Her body jerks.

"If you don't stop I will …" Before the words can pass her lips she is over the edge. She moans loudly and her whole body shivers, twitches, trembles. There is no way of proper breathing and she hums Jane's name between long and heavy moans.

"I'm stunned…, flabbergasted…, lightly embarrassed and speechless."

The detective chuckles. "Pretty much words to be left speechless, flabbergasted?"

Maura giggles.

"Why are you embarrassed?"

Maura shifts her face still hiding in the curtain of Jane's hair. "This has never happened to me before and I'm slightly in some state of shock. This leads me to the issue that, if you will have constantly such an effect on me how will I ever be able to actually sleep with you."

Jane smiles simply. "Far too many cogitations for this beautiful mind of yours. I'm pretty sure that this was just a concatenation of circumstances, just a lucky punch." Jane is holding her close and whispers sweet nothings kissing her neck, jaw and ear. As the detective senses that the woman in front of her is about to calm down she takes up her motions again.

Her hands make their way downwards and caress the sides of Maura's hips, her tights, her butt, her belly. As her left hand come closer to the doctor's center it is captured by another pair moving it back to the belly followed by a whisper in her ear.

"Give me some more minutes at least, otherwise if I can not hold back how will I be able to defend my honour." She breathes hard straight in Jane's ear causing a shiver. "I prefer to enjoy all about you as much as I can." They intertwine their fingers on Maura's belly and kiss sensually several minutes softly and slowly.

Without breaking the kiss the doctor's hands begin to slide in opposed directions, her left downwards and her right to her left breasts. She lets go of Jane's and her own closes around their heads and her fingers grip into thick black locks. The detective cups Maura's breast and while her thumb strokes the peak bud, the other hand ghosts slightly over the skin of the petite woman's inner tights.

The first touch of two slender fingers causes the M.E to hiss and her body to arch into the touch. She is biting softly Jane's lower lip and pulls her in a fierce kiss. The Italian caresses in awe careful through the rising wetness. Her head isn't fully wrapped around the fact that it is really Maura in her arms. She has already multiple times shoved her second thoughts aside.

Sometimes her inner voice is screaming so loudly that it is inappropriate to pretend to touch her best friend this way.

She keeps going to repeat that everything is fine, that Maura's feelings are mutual, that she is in love with her as well, that she is allowed to be here, that she is permitted to do what was happening. She was so habituated to push her feelings and wishes aside that it is hard to believe that this wasn't a dream. A louder moan and a whisper bring her back from her inner monologue.

"I would like to feel you inside me."

Jane is biting violently her own lower lip.  _God. If this is a fucking dream I would rather die than wake up._  As she caresses closer to Maura's opening the blonde whimpers and jerks.

"God Maura you're killing me."

Her tongue is sliding over the doctor's lower lip. Maura chortles. She looses her right hand, sliding it between her bodies and scoots downwards.

"I haven't even touched you, yet." Both of them hiss as the M.E. reach her destination. And another whisper, this time deep and husky and seductive. "God I'm flattered. I didn't even admit myself to think that your body reacts like mine to yours." She moans vocally as Jane's fingertips enter her.

"You have no idea how often you force me to take a cold shower and to change my underwear."

Jane press into her touch. "I might have a hazy idea about that."

The detective doesn't need much pressure to slip her digits slowly fully inside but she stops dead as Maura's next tone sounds like a sob.

"I'm sorry it wasn't my intention to hurt you."

The doctor moves her hips. "You didn't hurt me, not at all."

Maura starts kissing along the jaw line and sucks at Jane's earlobe. Her fingers pretend to move in a steady slow pace. "May…"

The detective rubs her jaw against the M.E.'s face. "You don't have to ask."

With this permission she slips gently two fingers as well for the first time into Jane. They are moaning both and this time the doctor has to bite her lower lip. The black- haired woman pulls neatly out and at her way back inside, she whispers.

"Gee Maura, you're so tight." The M.E. takes a deep breath.

"Yoga is quite useful and this position plays a part in contributing to…" She looks in astonishment at Jane. "What did you just say?" She wasn't quite sure if she had heard right during her rambling.

Jane grinned. "So all I need to shut you up is using dirty talk?" Her mouth scoots closer and she whispers. "I said…"

She breathes hot against the blonde's ear. "You're so wet…" She repeats the sentence like the first time in a very deep and rasped grumble. "And that I can't wait to taste you."

Maura's whole body is suddenly in movement and if she weren't already aroused beyond all measures this was a good time to be.

"God…" She hisses. "I'm kind … kind of glad… that I didn't have a clue… that you're anything but prude…" She moves her hips in assonance to Jane's fingers. "I might have never been able to find sleep." Her head lolls back to the detectives shoulder nipping tenderly the skin in her the neck.

 


	5. Nearly dying to say that...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter One)

 

**_"God…" She hisses. "I'm kind … kind of glad… that I didn't have a clue… that you're anything but prude…" She moves her hips in assonance to Jane's fingers. "I might have never been able to find sleep." Her head lolls back to the detectives shoulder and she nips tender the skin at the neck._ **

Now it was time for Jane to bring out the big guns.

One Saturday, five years ago, she was off duty and ill. Her mother had brought her soup and had half of the day 'my-poor-baby-works-too-hard-and-how-will-you-ever-care-for-a-family-if-you-even-deosen't-look-after-yourself' grumbled over her.

She was bored as hell and TV was just a pain in the ass. So she had snooped around and found some fitness magazines her mother had taken from Frankie for Jane to read.

Almost more bored she was about to throw the magazine away as she detected a story that caused her attention.

It was kind of a guide for men how to do 'IT' right. Written by a lesbian. First she laughed heartily over it but then she was curious.

The first report was about how to oral pleasure a woman in the right way and it seemed to be a steady column, so she searched and had read all of them. After that she bought the monthly magazine constantly.

Not that she thought she would ever going to use it but she was slightly surprised how faintly she knew about her own body and quite shocked that it seemed to be more than just a race to get off as fast as possibly.

She was never a huge fan of sex, yeah it seemed to be necessary at some times but it was never a big thing. The detective spread her thumb away and hovers barely over the blonde's clit.

"Oh my! Jane" her voice is rare and deep and more like a rumble. Her face is pressing against the crook of the other woman's neck. After five more slow strokes Jane curls her fingers against the front wall and Maura climaxes on the spot.

It is like the first time tonight, it feels like she is about to implode, her body is out of control but this time she is really vocal.

Jane slows her motions nearly down but keeps going on. The doctor's nails of her left hand dug into the skin of the Italian's neck, she pants and moans straight into the ear that is in front of her lips. She slowly rides her orgasm over every wave that is shooting through her body and as she cries out Jane's name the detective comes hot on her heels.

It is like a domino-effect. Maura's sounds and response push Jane over the edge and her orgasm sends the doctor again sky-rocket into the next climax.

"God…" Is all she can get out, her whole body trembles, shivers, shatters, shakes and jerks. Her eyes are closed and Jane is holding her soft against her own body. There is no way for Maura to get herself under control and at the moment she doubts that this will ever come to an end.

Her sense of time is on a holiday-trip altogether with her brain and her body-control. There are a lot of common phrases that would make sense right now. Jane rocks her tenderly, kissing the crook of her neck.

Maura is hiding her face deeper in those thick dark locks. "Oh my god… I have no idea how you did this."

Maura snuggles closer to Jane's body. Both slowly pulling their fingers out while the doctor's nails went to claw at the Italian's right buttock. As some of the M.E.'s body parts decide to cut their getaway short, she feels languid and all of her muscles are sore but she is verily satisfied. As she can't hold her upright position any longer she lets go of the detective and crashes face first onto her mattress.

She turns her head and sighs heavily. "God… Jesus… and I don't know who else…"

She grabs Jane's hand and pulls her down. "I'm sorry but it was unbearable to stay like this. "Holy…" She moans.

"Yeah! Holy fuck! Quite my thought." Jane breathes.

Maura's arm is laying over her eyes. "I'm sure that there are a lot of reasons to deny that these two words go along with each other but it was indeed…"

The doctor turns around, ending up half on top of Jane and whispers the next words as if someone was about to eavesdrop. "Quite a holy fuck even trough if I get it right, fucking is more action and less love and it seems I prefer lately more love and less action."

Jane stares at Maura's face with an amused grin on her lips. "Did you just really swear two times and add sarcasm in nearly two sentences?"

Maura grins back. "Kind of, yes." Jane eyebrow raise. "It seems you spent too much time with me and I'm starting to rub off at you."

Now Maura's grin grows even more. "I was kind of hoping that it would be much more time in the future and I pray for it, that it is not the only thing of you that will rub at me."

"Maura! Another one of this and you can write down cardiac infarction as my cause of death."

The doctor gripes Jane's face with both of her hands and kiss her firmly. "That was amazing, you are quite gorgeous. I love you." They kiss again.

"And I love you and I'm kinda shocked for the rest of my live, maybe more embarrassed?"

This time it was Maura who lifts her eyebrows. Jane snorts.

"Mhhh… kinda… first of all I thought I would have a kind of more self control and never expected to react in such a manner and secondly I have never, never made many noises than that." Jane closes her eyes and takes a long breath.

Maura caresses her face. "Me neither, I'm deadly quite in bed."

Jane giggles. "That I doubted a little."

Maura chuckles. "I'm serious, Jane. Do you detect any hives? Maybe I've enjoyed sex before but I'm way too proud to let someone take control of me. I'm always the one in charge but I must admit that it was quite voluptuous, more sensual and relishes that I thought it would be. I'm about to confess that I would unhesitatingly give up control to you. In my imagination and the most of my dreams about you, I was always the one at your mercy but I never thought it would be that easy to let go of my bonds. And I don't get your first expression."

Jane chuckles. "Wow that was quite a lot to process. First of all, out of respect for you, I would never try to repress you. Respect and veneration and love it's what I feel for you. I adore you for what you are and I'm not going to change that. And to your question, I felt slightly like a school boy, prurient and drooling all over you."

Maura giggles. "I remember that, a little differently in memory. If I remind it properly I was the one who lead yours hands down in the kitchen and I lead them in here also. Even if I call the guns…"

Jane giggles loud. "Shots, honey. I call the shots."

"Okay. Even if I call the shots as a rule, there was never anyone that showed me half of your respect. Nobody had interests in my well-being, my salvation, my life, my dreams and my future. The only thing they desired was my body, and their interests are reduced to how fast they can get me out of my clothes and themselves inside me. Not that I complain, I was most of the times completely fine with that, until I met you. Please don't sell yourself low. I adore you as well and I adore the way you tread me. I'm sure we will get well along with this part of our relationship. All we need is trust, love and the courage to talk about it. So don't be shy in the wrong place, if I don't like something you will know it. Don't bond yourself, please."

Maura straddles Jane and ghosts her hands over Jane's chest. The detective sits up and scoots back till her back touches the head board and she uses it for support. Maura starts covering Jane's chest with little pecks of her lips and her tongue darts out to lick the skin on the detective's neck.

"I really admire your body, you know it is much more perfect than mine. Your musculus sternocleidomastoideus for example is quiet remarkable. It is a dicephalous muscle, the caput laterale. Its source is located at the top and front area of the medial third from clavicula, your clavicle or collarbone."

She licks at the described area.

"From there it's fleshy and tendinous fibers run almost vertically upwards."

Her tongue draws the line upward her neck.

"Caput mediale arises from the anterior surface of the manubrium sterni of the sternum. The manubrium sterni is the most cranial location and widest part of the sternum. It's called the hilt. It forms an articulated joint with the collarbone, the so-called sternoclavicular joint. From there, its fibers run cranially, laterally and dorsally. Cranial direction means 'towards the head' or 'upward' oriented."

She licks upwards her neck.

"Laterally explains itself."

Her tongue traces away from the center of her body.

"Dorsally is spinal oriented, also to your dorsum, your remarkable back."

She slide slowly over her shoulder as far as she can go without moving.

"The origins of muscle heads are separated by a triangular gap, fossa jugularis sterni your jugular notch."

Maura dip her tongue in Jane's prominent triangle below her throat and kiss it gentle a few times.

"If I had had you as my anatomical model, I might have been done earlier with my study." Maura smiles and kisses the lanky black-haired woman on her lips.

"I kinda doubt that." Jane answers. "I can be quite consuming."

She pulls the blonde doctor at eye level and their next kiss heats up really fastly to a fiercer and more passionate one. The detective flips them softly over and her lips trace slowly down Maura's body.

As she reaches the doctor's hips she slides her arms beneath the M.E.'s tights and their fingers intertwine. Maura closes her eyes firmly. She is afraid to climax again simply from the sight of Jane between her legs.

The blonde is beyond turned on from the down track of those soft lips and the gentle tongue. Each kiss that is getting closer to her center, sends a jolt of hormones through her veins and goose bumps all over her skin.

The first touch between her clit and Jane is quite an impact. Maura's hips jerk up in the air as well as her back while a loud moan slips through her teeth squeezing the detective's hands hard. She has no idea how her inexperienced friend is performing such a pleasure but it would last not much longer than before.

Once more Jane can use her read up skills and basing on Maura's sounds she is doing it quite right. Jane has stiffen her tongue and instead of moving it, she brings her head up and down in a nodding motion. With each flow a deep moan falls from Maura's lips.

"Jane," she whispers shivering. The blonde moves her hips in rhythm with the tongue between her legs, her own hands firmly pressing flat onto the detective's skin and sliding steady from her neck to her shoulders and back again.

Maura pushes her hips higher and Jane slips nearly painfully slowly inside, causing the doctor to clutch her nails into Jane's skin, gasping for air. Maura's breathes increase with each stroke.

"Jane" her voice is raspy and deep. Her head is pressing into the cushions. The detective slides out and closes her lips around the sensitive nub. She sucks slightly and presses her tongue a little harder down to it.

"Jesus…" Maura hisses and Jane grins subtle. For being an atheist, the petite doctor seems to use quite often church related words. The next one is even funnier of all of them together. As she enters the M.E once more with her tongue, Jane nearly swallowed up at her own saliva.

"Holy Mary, Mother of God."

Jane stops for a moment. "Don't ever let my mother hear those words."

She places her tongue over the clit again and continues her former motions.

"Looks like… this is …my fault, now." Her voice shivers. "It's your choice… get used to… it… or stop… being …so…so…so"

"So?" Jane starts immediately again with her moves.

"So… fucking good at what you do." Maura presses over her lips.

Jane giggles. "Oh I'm sure you were nearly dying to say that."

The doctor's hand grips into thick black curls. "Mhhh. I would die quietly happy. God… Jane."

Her tongue strokes slowly in and out and as she adds her thumb to Maura's clit, the trick did it. The cry of the detective's name is nearly ear-splitting.

The M.E. is seriously fighting for air, her heart tries to get out of her chest even as this isn't really possible. She was sure she wouldn't be able to remember her own name not to mention get hold on anything in her brain at the moment. She wasn't even sure if it was the lack of air or that mind blowing orgasm that caused the absence of brain cells.

_Stop! The name said it already, god Maura what are you doing here. Quit these dumb soliloquies and just enjoy._

She moves her numb hands to Jane's cheek. "I need you here with me." Her sore voice is barely a whisper.

Her body can't stop twitching and flexing and shivering. Jane hovers over the small body, weight on her own hands and feet. The doctor opens her eyes and locks her gaze with the chocolate coloured.

"Hey" The detective whispers.

"Hi" They share a long and gentle kiss.

"I'm not fragile, you know. There is no need to hover on your hands you wouldn't crush me."

Jane lowers herself carefully down.

"Mhhh" Maura hums.

"Better"

The Italian brushes her nose against her counterpart. The detective smiles. "I love you Dr. Badass."

They both giggle. Maura smiles lovingly and strokes some locks behind Jane's ears.

"You have no idea how much I love you. There was a time I thought I was in love with someone but it was never like this, I didn't even know that something like this existed. It is kind of painful and most terrifying to feel so much at once."

Jane leans down and kisses the skin on top of Maura' heart with small pecks.

"I don't know if it's supposed to be this way but all of this feels like natural, like it mend to be, like it's been ever this way. I don't feel like we crossed this line a few hours ago." The doctor whispers as she fondles through thick black hair.

 

 


	6. The well educated Dr. Isles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter One)

 

_**"I don't know if it's supposed to be this way but all of this feels like natural, like it mend to be, like it's been ever this way. I don't feel like we crossed this line a few hours ago." The doctor whispers as she fondles through thick black hair.** _

Maura's POV

After we had shared some more slow and tender hours of passion and love we had fallen asleep. I woke up half an hour ago.

It is half past three in the morning and I am sipping tea, standing in my kitchen.

I can't sleep anymore, too much of my brain-cells have to catch up with my body. Jane is sleeping in my bed, naked. I remember every touch of hers, every kiss. Every fibre in my body is in awe of her. I am touching the skin of my chest above the hem of my robe.

Being intimate with her often crossed my mind during the days, my dreams during the nights but nothing compares to having her for real. In my fantasies she is much more of the person she is at work. Dominant and confident. It doesn't even come close to what she is.

She surprised me in every possible way. I hear a sudden rustle and turn towards the hall expecting Bass roaming around. But there is Jane, leaning in the doorframe.

"How long have you been watching me?" I grin.

"A while," Jane answers and pushes herself away from the wood. She moves behind me and wraps her arms around me.

I giggled. I giggle all the time with Jane. I never giggled before her and took her right hand into my own perfect manicured one.

She spread her fingers and intertwined them with my smaller ones. I am the only one that is allowed to touch her hands to more than a simple shake.

Jane kisses my neck softly. "I like observing you. You are extremely intriguing and arousing." She answered honestly with a small smile on her lips.

It was curious how her walls were suddenly completely down. I chuckle, snuggle firmer into Jane.

"I though about a new nickname for you, 'queen of cuddling'."

Jane groans. "I knew it would be a bad idea to open up myself so much."

She pokes between two ribs of mine. "I will deny it and arrest you if you ever tell someone about this."

I hiss and smile slightly. "That's only for me. I don't like to share. Does arresting me involve using your handcuffs?"

Jane snorts.

The imagination of Jane using her cuffs on me sent a rush of wetness between my legs. I have no idea why. I like sex a lot but I don't have any fetishes.

I'm sure the most of people around me think different about that. I have accidentally overheard enough conversations about my asserted preferences and my abilities in that department. Regardless of whether back in San Francisco or here in Boston, most of the male population at work are disgusting, and sadly not only the men at work.

Again, yes I like sex a lot but I am not as promiscuous as my reputation.

But yes, what we had done back upstairs. Yes, yes, yes. Again and again. The whole night long, every day of the year for the rest of my life.

I am a scientist and I use words like sexual intercourse, coitus or sex but what Jane and I shared was nothing of that.

I have only tried two positions through my whole live. Normally men like to be in charge, it's their human nature so I prefer the missionary style with men. It let them believe they are in charge.

The second position I tried years ago turned out to be very humiliating but as Jane hours ago was bend over my back, it wasn't the same. Okay she wasn't penetrating me but I am positive I would have enjoyed it with her.

I snap my attention back to her. Her hands sneaking slightly under my robe. Caressing the fabric on my lower stomach and placing light kisses to my ear, I moan softly and melt into her embrace.

Jane smiles and whispers. "We don't want your tea getting cold, do we?" She pulls her hands away.

 _God no_!  _Screw the damn tea_. "God no!" I hiss and pull her back flush against me.

She sprays sucking kisses over my shoulder. Her hands pushing my light grey negligee upwards.

"I had no idea that the well-educated Dr. Isles isn't wearing anything under her nightie." Jane chuckles as her finger touches my bare bottom.

"Oh the well-educated Dr. Isles isn't wearing anything in bed usually."

I turned my head and whispered rough. "I like it when there is nothing on my skin."

"Mhhh, I can get used to that thought."

I squirmed against her body. She spins me around and before I can think, I am sitting exactly on the same spot where we kissed tonight.

She takes place between my legs and I wrap them instantly around her hips. My head sinks back as she starts to kiss my throat.

A strong rush of arousal floats through me and I moan soft but long. Jane smirks on my skin. Her hands move slowly up my legs and over my hips until she reaches the belt of my robe. As she shoves the fabric over my shoulders everything on my body, that can, raises.

"Are you turned on Maura?"

I arched my upper body and moaned again, this time a little louder. "Yes, a lot."

"Yes I can see that." She breathed beneath my ear.

I moaned yet another tick louder. "You don't even need to touch me…" I breathed deeply before I elaborated.

"Your voice in my ear and your smell. You know what 'Pavlov conditioning' is?"

I can feel her head shaking.

"Maybe you know it as 'Pavlov's dog'."

Jane chuckles. "That's a rock-band, Maura."

Her roaming hands makes it, the first time in my life, hard for me to explain something.

"The Russian physiologist Ivan Petrovich Pavlov founded the 'behaviouristic learning theory' which implies that, mostly native reflexes append with learned reflexes. The most known example is 'Pavlov's dog'. The administration of food was always connected to the ring of a bell. After several repetitions the ringing bell was enough for the dog to salivate. And that is exactly what your voice and your smell does to me. It lets me crave for you."

I took a deep breath. She sucks softly on my pulse point.

"What does this to you?"

I lift my arm to show her my goose bumps and this time she sucks directly underneath my ear.

"And this?"

I take her hand and place it on my right breast to show her how erect my nipples are. She leans down and closes her teeth tenderly around it. For one moment I think she is about to bite. No pressure, no pain.

She just pulls slowly away and scrapes with her move slightly over it. It takes my arousal up to a completely new level. I think I was never this wet.

"This?" she asks.

Something tells me I should be embarrassed, but I just take her hand and slide it up between my legs. She shudders and bites her lower lip. It causes me to moan and a deep growl escapes from her throat.

I take another deep shaking breath. Her hand just stays there, no movement, slightly pressure. I set my palms flat on the counter behind me. Shift my weight onto my arm, leaning back.

She place soft sucking kisses on my jaw, neck, chest. The tip of her tongue darts out and she draws a line from the top of my corpus sterni up to my chin. I move my hips slightly. I am barely capable to take it anymore.

I moaned again and took another shivering breath. "Make me yours again. This is all just waiting for you. I want you," I press the words out in a whisper. "Do whatever you want to do."

Jane was obviously at a loss of words for a moment and her voice was huskier and deeper than ever before.

"God Maura, I'm sure I missed a warning label that was delivered with you. I knew there was a weapon licence needed for your body but I didn't know your brain and your mouth needed one too."

I rocked my hips as much as I could. "I meant it, every word of it. Switch off your second thoughts, I'm here and I'm yours. You've showed me how much you love and care for me but now I want all of you, your strength and your power."

Jane inhaled harshly. She was beyond turned on, I felt her muscles spasm.

She hissed hot in my ear and it caused me to throw my head back hard against my cervix, a long and vocal moan and a heavy jerk of my hips.

Jane entered without any warning. She worked her hand deeper and faster between my legs than before. Her two long fingers stroking in and out, torturing me, but not painfully. She managed somehow to stay gentle and tender. Although I am sure she would call it fucking me, it is much more softer than most of my former sexual intercourse.

The most of my previous lovers were not really gentle. That's the problem with casual sex, you do a blind bargain.

I had some which were gentle enough for being a man but I also had two or three who were really rough. Two options: use anatomical knowledge to get them off as quick as possible or ditch them in the middle of it.

Whatever there is nothing I hate more than disrespect and cave dwellers.

But again, I love her power. And oh boy she has a lot of it.

I scream out Jane's name, my fingernails dig into her upper arms. Jane hisses in response. She proceeded to place sucking kisses to my neck, her palm pushing against my clit with every thrust in. I moan nearly on the top of my voice.

"Come Maura. Come for me," she whispers and if she were any man this would be over for me right now. But she isn't and it has exactly the opposite effect on me.

The moment my orgasm crashes over me I shake uncontrollable and grip Jane's biceps even tighter. My voice breaks as I scream her name. She lifts me up and I can feel the wooden table under me.

'Unsanitary' flashes through my mind and before I know it my nightie touches the floor and she is on her knees. I am dumbfounded and speechless, barely able to register what is happening. The next thing I feel is my skin rubbing on the wood as she pulls me towards her. My legs over her shoulders.

It crosses my mind that I will certainly be able to locate every muscle in my entire body for days when this is over.

"Oh God!" I whisper and Jane smirked. "I doubt he will stand you by."

She reaches for my hands. All of my thoughts fade as Jane's tongue touches me.

My lips dropping a tone that sounds like a snake. I lift my head and meet her glance.

Jane's lips, teeth and tongue were on me, in me and teasing me. My body shook and trembled, Jane consumed my entire being.

"Oh…, Jane! Yes! Like that. Just like that. Oh…God!" I don't know where this is coming from. I never encouraged someone before. This is all new and I like it. It feels free, right.

My chants become constant my nails scratching lightly at the skin on her hands.

I am so close already. Never ever I experienced such a quick rebound, Jane had shattered my world just moments before and was about to do it again. She slid her tongue over and over through the wetness. My whole body was one single spasm. One more motion and I would drift to a world of bliss.

Instead I drift in a world of darkness. As I open my eyes again Jane is hovering over me and kissing my face.

"Hey there, you scared me," she whispers. "What happened?"

I am not able to deliver a scientific explanation right now. "Too much," I answer simple.

Before she can start to unnecessary apologise again I stop her, pull her down with my legs.

Grabbing Jane's t-shirt, I practically rip it off. Pushing her panties down as far as I can and use my legs to take care of the remaining way down her calves.

I can feel her abs rippling against my sex and I am immediately turned on once more. Oh my god. I think I am showing some serious indications for hypersexuality, erotomania.

I might going insane, I just considered creating a new word. These words just don't seem to fit. I am addicted to Jane so I might be 'Janesexual' or 'Janemanically'. If anybody had told me two days ago if I would consider creating words, I wouldn't even have known how to response. She just does things to me and I think she is about to do it again.

She lifts me off the table and my back hits the backdoor. Her strength and her stamina leaving me breathless. There is no way I can resist her. Of course I like to be in charge but it is like a release to trust so much that I can forget about anything and just enjoy this amazing goddess and all she has to offer. This isn't a fight about the upper-hand. This is give and take, push and pull.

"Please Jane. Don't make me beg. Please."

"I'm here." She kisses me firmly but gently. I locate the lingering taste of my own desire on her lips, along with the tangy essence that is so pure of Jane. It overwhelms me and I whimper.

I don't like swearing, not at all. But it simply slips from my lips with her. I saw her expression change back upstairs and just the look she gave me was my undoing. So it happens again without even thinking about it.

"Fuck me, now."

I can literally see the fire that rushed through her veins every time I swear.

With our position Jane use my own weight to get deeper inside. My moans are steady and my back hits the wall with every move. Not really that hard.

"I don't want to hurt you, Maura." I had barely air to speak.

"Did… you… hear… me… complaining… I'm fine… much more… than… that."

Why should I complain? The word which was able to explain how I feel doesn't exist. I feel beautiful, sexy, desirable, adored, loved, no there is not one word which is worth to describe my feelings.

Jane closes her eyes and I can see her face working. I skimmed my left fingers over her cheek.

"Don't do that."

Jane slowed down her pace and whispered.

"It's just crazy. All I can think is how you look like now and the sounds of your voice when you come for me, but than there is something that slap across my face and screams that this is the wrong way."

I pulled myself firmer into her touch. "I'm not fragile, I told you that before and I'm even lesser a figure of a saint, I'm flesh and blood. I love you, baby. I want you and I want this."

Oh yes I want this. I'm usually not possessive or egoistic or even being jealous. But she unveils me. She is mine and only mine and the urge for me to show her that I am hers is nearly unbearable.

I tried to encourage Jane with my move to go on. As she hit my g-spot I cried out.

"Oh… God… Jane. I'm yours. I'm yours whenever and however you want me."

Jane moaned as she moved her fingers so that she now hit my weak point with every stroke. I am about to tell her how much I love her, as an orgasm like an earthquake hit me.

I dig my nails deep into Jane, leaving small bruises. My back hits the wood behind me hard. Each and every time Jane shake me deep down to the core, all logical thoughts are gone. No one had ever made me come so many times and never so forcefully. I hummed softly, eyes closed and all I can do is breath.

 

 


	7. I trust you with my life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter One)

 

 

_**I dig my nails deep into Jane, leaving small bruises. My back hits the wood behind me hard. Each and every time Jane shake me deep down to the core, all logical thoughts are gone. No one had ever made me come so many times and never so forcefully. I hummed softly, eyes closed and all I can do is breath.** _

Jane's POV

I got off the bed, searched for my slacks. I gently took each one of Maura's wrists, placing her hands above her head. I had sworn that I would never use handcuffs during sex, the cliché too much for me to handle, but well…she had asked for it.

So without a second thought, I locked the cuffs around her wrists, looped through the bed. I knew how to make them not too tight though, not wanting to hurt her.

As she realized that she was cuffed she gave me a lustful haze, her eyes suddenly black with rich desire. I moaned in return.

I looked down at Maura for a long while, taking in every single inch of her, naked and squirming. God she is so beautiful, almost too much to bear. Her quirks and unique character makes her more beautiful than her flawless body. I must have been staring. I sensed the change on her face and caressed her chest with my fingertips.

"You are so beautiful Maura. Every single inch of you. I don't know how I got so lucky."

"Jane…" Maura breathed out, her lips smiling gently.

"I love you." I whispered. We kissed lovingly for a long while, both of us lost in the sensation of each other.

As we slightly part she whispered. "I'm the lucky one, you've given me so much. Before we met, my life was a phrase of boring party's, lonely evenings, too much silence, disrespectful colleagues and a lot of emotionless relationships."

She kissed me gently. "And then a loud, bold and moody Italian prostitute rushed into my life and I was suddenly more alive than in all the former thirty years. You've showed me what it means to trust, to care and to love and I don't even mean what we have now. I love you, baby. So, so much."

My heart is about to explode.

When we broke apart from our kiss, I gave her nose a soft peck. Maura smiled. "I trust you with my life." Her expression changed back to arousal and desire.

I hovered on my hands and knees, planning on taking my time. Bending more, I lightly let the tip of my tongue draw around her ear and slowly just slightly inside. I follow her jaw line, around her face to her other ear shell and mirror my action.

I drove back to her chin, nearly in slow motion down her throat. Over her right collarbone, down her arm. I lifted her hand and slid along her thumb, at the end I press a small kiss on the tip. I repeated that with all her fingers and my tongue moved back over her left arm to her other collarbone. I spread kisses all over her chest.

As my tongue barely connected to one of her already rock-hard nipples, Maura gasped in response. Her buds hardening even more. Doing the same to the other breast, I repeated the process until a whimpering sound slipped past Maura's lips.

"God Jane, please."

Her reaction to me, left me in awe the whole time and I wonder if I can make her come again only teasing her breast. Okay I am not that mean, she was already embarrassed.

"Touch me." She groaned, fighting the cuffs. My hands moved from the bed, slid over silk skin on her sides and cupped each breast. I drew slight circles with my thumbs and ghosted slowly over both peaks.

"Jane!" Maura hissed.

I was for a thousand times this night caught off guard. I had never thought that it could be so adorable to watch someone like this. She smiled at me, arched into the touch.

My scars caressed against the erected tips. As I closed my lip around one of them Maura groaned, arching even more up, the best she could with the cuffs. She moaned again.

I kissed her briefly and stroked with my tongue hers. "Do you even have a clue what you do to me?" I whispered as we broke away.

"Slightly" She answered and moved her hips towards my center and caused a dark growl from my throat.

My lips moved over her chin, down her throat and to the right side on her neck. She turned her head in the opposed direction to give better access. I splayed hot and wet kisses across her skin and my attention to one of her weak spots drove her even more out of her mind.

I kiss my way slowly down her body. She moaned vocally as my tongue entered her belly button.

Her hands clenched at the headboard, hips buckling off the bed. I kissed down the left leg, tracing my tongue slowly upward the same leg and mirrored my actions on the other side. Maura withered on the mattress, trying to spread her legs wider and lead me between them.

"Please," barely a whisper.

I kissed slowly her hips and blew a rush of cold air against her center.

"God…"

Next my fingers were on her thighs and stroking thumbs on the inner side of them. Maura whimpered. Her whole body was pounding. She inhaled a deep breath and I think she pulled all of her nerves together to moan.

"Jane I want to come on your tongue."

A shiver ran through all my veins. I moved slowly between Maura's thighs and she sobbed at finally being touched, her hips pressed hard against my hands. My tongue slid slowly up and down before it met warm and sticky wetness inside her.

Small, loud, panting moans echoed over and over again in the bedroom. If I hadn't looked up to her I would have missed the single, silent tear that run down the beautiful face.

I panicked. I rushed upwards and at the lost of contact, Maura opened her eyes.

"What is it, Maura?" She bit her lower lip. "Don't go there. Don't even try to say everything is fine."

As she closed her eyes again my voice changed. "Just a moment I get the key."

"No!" Maura rushed out. "No it isn't that."

She breathed a few times. "I'm just a bit… I don't know…"

The next breath shivered. "Okay, I wish I could enjoy it a little more. I wish I could hold on a bit longer but every time you touch me, I'm feeling like I am going to explode every second. Maybe I'm just nervous."

I didn't know if there were more words to come out, but my lips met hers after her sentence had ended.

"I'm sorry. We will wait until you calm down and I'll stop teasing. I'm so, so sorry." I reached up to take off the cuffs. I flipped us both softly over so that Maura was on top.

I held her close to me and we kissed nearly fifteen minutes gently and tenderly and nothing more than this. "Let's try something different. Sit up."

As the she lifted her upper body I grabbed her hips and signalled her that she should scoot up to me.

"You know that this can be quite dangerous."

I nod my head yes. "I'm sure I'm strong enough to throw you off but I don't worry about that. It will give you much more control and you can decide at your own, how much pressure you use."

I leaned up and kissed her. "Just tell me what to do."

Maura closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I laced our fingers together and waited until she scooted up and came to sit on my chest. Suddenly she was off of me and came back in a sixty-nine.

Her hands roamed over my legs and she lowered her upper body, kissing slowly the pubis down and closed her lips around my clit. I was frozen for a moment, it was not what I had in mind, I was about to extend Maura's pleasure.

After a few seconds of shock my hands traced over her buttocks and the lower back, over thighs and sides, I signified her to lower her hips and changed my technique. I avoided approaching some parts of her, to boost her enjoyment much more.

Within some minutes the acoustic was dominated from low pants, small moans and heavy breathing. This time Maura seemed to be more relaxed and I let her set pressure and pace. Quite a while later she slowed down the movements of her hips and whispered breathless.

"Jane… I'm close. I would like…"

I cut her short, understanding and answered "me too" and carried on with my treatment and we climaxed both at an interval from some seconds.

As I had thought, I was utterly at peace with a drained and collapsed Maura on top of me and caressed the small butt with my fingertips. I didn't like physical contact afterwards as a matter of fact, but in a kind of comfortable odd way everything with Maura was different. It was all eased, natural and normal.

Maura crawled over me and lowered back on top. Her fingertips rested against my neck and she hummed in her own bliss. I was more sated than ever before and my whole body was in a kind of twilight state. My skin tingled and I was covered in a thin haze of sweat.

Maura's nose traced along my jaw line, down my neck and the same route back and forth, back and forth. I slid gentle eight fingers in a row up and down her spine.

"Get some rest, pretty girl." I whispered.

We shared a long and languid kiss before she spoke up "I like it to be your little spoon, if you don't mind. We ended up like this the night you stayed."

I scooted over to the left. "I know. I like cuddling with you. I woke up in the middle of that night and felt like I'm home, like where I belong."

We kissed a last time before Maura snuggled her back into my front. She took my right hand and pulled my arm over her belly.

"I love you." I nuzzled my face in her hairs.

"I love you more. Night, sweetheart."

Maura smiled. "Thank you for allowing me to feel incredibly beautiful and special." She whispered and I hummed as response.

"You are incredibly beautiful and special." I closed my arm tighter around her.

 

 


	8. May I request a wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter One)

 

**_Maura smiled. "Thank you for allowing me to feel incredibly beautiful and special." She whispered and I hummed as response._ **

**_"You are incredible beautiful and special." I closed my arm tighter around her._ **

Maura woke up to a variety of senses. She felt all of her muscles stiffed and arched and she smelled coffee.

"Jane?" Maura whispered hoarsely but there was no response.

Her eyes finally opened slowly. The detective had obviously closed the blinds and was nowhere in sight, so she crawled across the bed to Jane's side on her way to the bathroom.

As Maura came downstairs Jane was sitting at the kitchen counter and sipped her coffee.

She locked her arms around her from behind and kissed the detective between her shoulder blades. The Italian took one of her hands, leaded her around, pecked her on the lips and patted on the stool beside her.

After breakfast they laid on the couch, Jane on her back and Maura half on her over her right side, head on her shoulder. She stroked softly with her flat palm the detective's belly.

"May I request a wish?" She asked soft.

"Whatever you like," Jane smiled.

Dr. Isles straddled her belly and bent down to close the distance. "I would like to date you."

She slipped curls trough her fingers. "I would like to do everything what people do when they are in love for the first time, like in high school. I want to go to the movies, having picnic's, go dancing, making out in the backseat of a car, all of it. I have never done things like that."

The Cop smiled lovingly. "Your wish is my command but I have a condition."

"Whatever you like," the M.E. used the same words.

"I'd like to see your incredible nice ass in a pair of jeans when I take you to the movies later. Schoolgirls aren't wearing designer dresses on dates to popcorn, coke and secret kisses."

Jane was a kind of nervous as she stood in front of Maura's doorstep four hours later.

"Why didn't you use your key?"

Jane looked in awe down at the small woman.

The pale blue denim was a perfectly fit, her white modest blouse was just enough buttoned that it was vaguely perceptible what was underneath the fabric. She wore decent make up, none lipstick and white chucks.

"Wow. You're really stunning even in jeans and chucks. And you don't barge through the door at the first date."

It was Maura's turn to let her eyes wander. "I like these pants."

Jane wore a blue and white checked thin cloth pants that had a diagonal cut at the outsides and was soft ruffled, that it kind of looked like a plant skirt, a white tank top and also white chucks. She offered Maura a single white lily and smiled.

"So I just went through a hackneyed cliché, the flower of beauty and purity for the purest beautiful girl."

Maura chuckled.

"Well, the rules for dating. Dr. Smartypants has to stay at home, no nagging, we don't count calories, there is nothing we are too old for but a lot we are much too young and the biggest rule of all no second base on the first date."

Maura laughed so hearty that Jane wished she could stop the march of time.

"Second base includes what? Tell me the "baseball rules" on the way, it seems I need them." She hooked her arm under Jane's and they leaved the house.

"There is a small cinema, you choose your genre and the movie is sneaky. I would like to go there, it's a nice one." The detective whispered.

"Yes. I would like that. You owe me an explanation for the baseball phrases." She giggled.

"Okay. Baseball is very useful, you will see. 'First base' is kissing, especially French kissing. 'Second base' is light petting with hands and fingers, with or without clothes. 'Third base' is oral sex and 'fourth base' or 'home run' is the full package."

Maura giggled. "What is a 'switch-hitter', I overheard that in the lap."

Jane grinned." Yes, there is a little more. A 'switch-hitter' is reference to bisexuality, as they can bat from two sides. 'Pitching' reference performing anal sex and 'catching' is receiving anal sex. It's mostly used for two men. 'Playing for the other team' is a reference to homosexuality. And a 'strikeout' is a rejection to one of the bases."

Maura giggled once more. "So, no 'second base'? That means 'first base' is in?"

Jane smiled and gave her a peck on the lips.

They walked holding hands trough public garden, stopped under a tree at the pond. The beds were full of snowdrops and purple crocuses and Maura had kissed her nearly shy.

"What kind of movie would you watch on the first date?"

Jane giggled. "I guess to get you as fast as possible out of your clothes, I would choose a kind of love tear jerker."

Maura smiled bright. "So 'second base' is off but 'home run' is in?"

The Detective kissed her lovely. "Oh if I would try to pass the bases we would be in the backseat of my car in a drive-in movie."

Maura's lips whispered near her ears. "I hope I will pass the first date, I would never miss a drive-in movie with you." She took Jane's hand and they strolled on. As the lights went off the M.E. laced their fingers together and leaned her head to Jane's shoulder.

It should be 'Message in a bottle'.

Even if Jane would never admit it, she had watched the film before and she had cried like a baby in the end. She tried to be brave but she failed miserably. Hundred-thirty-one minutes, beside an all emotional Maura the sad ending left some tears on her cheeks. The doctor was fully in tears and Jane pulled her beautiful face in a tender kiss.

"My badass Cop," the M.E. smiled and wiped tears from the woman's face.

They stayed until the lights came back on.

Outside the sunset hat just started and they bought Chinese noodles with veggies and eat on a bench in the park. After they finished, it was quite dark and Maura straddled Jane and pulled her in a long kiss.

"I could stay like this forever, I never felt so detached from my boundaries."

Jane smiled brightly. "Me too"

They sat there for nearly two hours laughing and kissing and enjoyed all of their time without ringing phones, murders or disruptive people that seemed to know exactly when the two of them where in a room together. The whole way back home they shared more laughter and much more kisses. The last half mile Jane gave Maura a piggyback ride. They both felt like two teenagers in love for the first time and Maura was thankful to experience it with Jane.

Ending their 'date' with a kiss in the threshold they made slow and gentle love for hours on the floor in front of the fireplace.

Maura crawled on Jane's back and kissed her until she stirred.

"Breakfast" She whispered.

"Again? You're insatiable Dr. Isles."

Maura giggled. "No. Yes I am, but no. I mean real breakfast with coffee and pancakes."

Jane moaned. "Perfect, I'm starving."

The detective stretched her limps and turned around. The doctor had placed the food around them on the carpet, she was wearing nothing but a white sheet. She pulled Jane to sit, straddled her and wrapped the white cloth around them.

"What may I feed you?"

The Cop bit her neck softly. "This, but that wouldn't sate me."

"Mhhh, I hope I will never sate you."

Goose bumps shot over her skin as Jane spread her hands over her buttocks. "Blueberry pancakes, please"

"Try to get it." The M.E whispered and shoved it in her own mouth.

Jane threw Maura on her back and let slowly run some of the honey on her skin.

"Pancake with honey is just as sexy as you." With a stormy kiss she stole some of the pancake from Maura's mouth and licked over her belly. She sat up again and nipped at her coffee, the M.E. still on her back, her skin sticky and her eyes where nearly black.

"You will have to fix that in the near future." The doctor panted.

Jane roamed her eyes over Maura and smiled to herself as she saw all the revealing evidences.

"I really don't know what you're talking about."

Now Maura was on all fourth and crawled over the black-haired women and pressed her to the floor. She scooted her body over the darker skin and pulled the sheet over them.

"Pancake?" The detective slid some of the food over her lower lips and they feed each other.

 

 


	9. I like the sound of that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter One)

 

_**"Pancake?" The detective slid some of the food over her lower lips and they feed the other one.** _

After they took a shower together and were all set, they left for their second date.

The pair strolled through the park and enjoyed a picnic beside the Back Bay Bridge. They lay on a smooth blanket, cuddling and caressing each other, but still respectful of the other park visitors.

"Jane, may I ask you something?"

The detective turned her head to face Maura. "Just ask."

The M.E. scooted even closer. "Are you really okay with this, our public display of affection?"

Jane smiled sweetly. "Why wouldn't I?"

Maura closed her eyes and inhaled a deep breath. "I kind of thought, I don't know… You seem bothered by the things they sometimes call you at work."

The detective smiled even brighter.

"Because it's none of their business. They can call me a bitch because I'm a bitch sometimes or more often than sometimes. They can call me cranky, because I am. But it's none of their business who I'm in love with or who shares my bed. I don't call David a motherfucker because his wife is twenty years older. I don't call them whores because some of them have sex with more women in a week then there are nuns in a convent. It's not my business and I don't like it that they insult people because of who they love. I mean, I'm not even really gay, it just so happens that the person I love is the same sex. I don't know why that matters to even one of them. I probably will never hear the end of 'Detective Gayzzoli' but it doesn't really bother me. But I have to admit that I would like to keep us a secret for a little longer… just so we can enjoy us just a while. Because I'm sure I will have to crush some noses every five seconds in the near future defending your honor."

Maura stroked over Jane's abs. "You don't have to defend me, you know that."

"Oh, I will defend you, that's my job. I defended you before we were friends, during our friendship, and now I will defend you even more."

Jane smiled brighter than the sun. So Maura responded in the best way she knew, she scooted on top of Jane and kissed her long and tender.

"You just bring out the protector in me because you are way too nice and polite to defend yourself to those knuckleheads."

Maura kissed her again and whispered. "I would like to have all of you to myself for a little longer, so I'm okay with us being a secret for a little while."

They kissed for much longer than before.

"Mhhh… I like this side of you. I thought you would fight it, but I'm amazed at how relaxed you are with me and this new element of our relationship."

Jane smiled again. "I never really fought it, but there was a time I tried to ignore it. I thought I was reading something into my feelings that wasn't there. But after a while, I knew that I felt so much more about you so I just admitted it to myself and was pretty okay with it. It never bothered me that I was in love with a woman. The thing that worried me was I 'm in love with my best friend and that could possibly put our friendship at risk."

Maura stood, pulling Jane up and across the park. "Let's go home. I would rather kiss and cuddle with you as much as possible before work consumes us again."

Jane stopped her movement abruptly and whispered something. Maura turned around and searched for the pair of eyes that she loved so much.

"What's the matter?"

Jane swallowed, but didn't answer until the doc was at her side and then it was barely a whisper on the M.E.'s ear shell.

"I said I like the sound of that… home"

Maura was relieved Jane couldn't see the goofy grin on her face that was hidden in the curtain of black locks, afraid it would give her away. While it had only been two days since they shifted from friends to lovers, one of the doctor's deepest secrets was always the wish that Jane would share not only her home, but her life with the M.E.

"I'm afraid that we rush this and…"

Maura cut her short. "I don't think we're rushing, but please don't do anything you're not entirely okay with. You don't have to go back to your apartment, but if you need time for yourself I will not hold you. I would miss you beside me, but I know you well enough to know you're already out of your comfort-zone. I'm here as your friend, as your partner and as the one who loves you. I will always support you and take every step with you. I want us to continue to be the perfect team… nothing more and nothing less. I promise I will never force you to do anything, I hope you know that."

"I love you and continue to love you more every second because of who you are. Let's get dinner and then head home. I want to snuggle on the couch with my little spoon," Jane whispered into Maura's ear.

Maura set her alarm for ten minutes earlier than normal, just to gain some cuddle time in bed with Jane before she had to get up and ready for the day. Jane watched her as she sashayed her way into her bathroom, fully nude.

The detective sighed in contentment. She didn't really understand what had gotten into her the moment she kissed the doctor, but she was damn happy that it happened. Now she didn't have to stare after Maura, desiring to kiss her… now she just could do it.

Jane followed the M.E into her bathroom. It was so 'Maura like' and looked set-up for a photo shoot or an exhibit at a trade show. The floor was black granite. Across from the door sat a white wall-cupboard with six drawers and two embedded black sinks with nearly a five yard wide floor-to-ceiling mirror. In the middle of the room was her also embedded, monstrous, quadratic, black bath tub, if you could call it that.

In the far left corner was her freaking, made of black glass, Jacuzzi with blue lights and equipped with every imaginable bell and whistle. In the right corner, stood the rain forest-shower also with black glass and blue lights. Around every item was a two feet wide wooden border on the floor.

Between the door and shower were weird white cubic-shaped shelves, all artistically attached to the wall. The shelves were stuffed with vases of glass beads, test tubes filled with colored sand and a lot more girly-decoration-shit.

Yes, Jane used to tease the M.E. about her clothes, her always prim and proper house and her luxury car, but she understood very early in their friendship that they were all armor for the breakable soul underneath. The clothes were the best example as the tender and loving Maura got dressed and changed to the polite and icy Dr. Isles. Only Jane seemed to pierce through "Dr. Isles'" walls.

Jane spotted Maura entering the shower. Sliding up behind her quietly, the detective's arms closed around the warm, slender hips and Maura yelped in surprise.

"Jane! Don't sneak up on me like that!" She chastised before leaning back into her new favorite position, skin on skin contact with the lanky cop. Jane said nothing, instead placing small kisses on the doctor's left shoulder blade.

As she turned on the shower, Jane let her hands start to roam over Maura's skin.

"We have to go to work," the medical examiner tried to protest, but Jane was lightly sucking behind her ear and she was already having difficulty functioning.

"Yeah, late," was the whispered response and Maura was turned to face the ebony-haired woman.

Before the doc could reply that she needed all the time to get ready, Jane silenced her with a soft but deep kiss. The blonde moaned and her arms slid up and around the detective's neck. Slowly moving, Jane backed Maura up against the wall. The cold tiles touched her alabaster skin but the touch of darker skin on her front made her shiver.

"You are so perfect, Maura." Her hands caressed over the beautiful body. "So perfect."

The doctor groaned loudly as Jane's fingertips ghosted over her hard buds and her thigh pressed against Maura's sex.

Maura's head lolled back and the Italian sucked lightly on her pulse point. The doctor's nails scratched over Jane's skin. Her eyes were closed but she pictured the waves of water streaming down the tanned skin attracted by the force of gravity.

Her own force of gravity no longer directed towards the core center, now her entire universe rotated only around Jane.

"No teasing, Jane." She breathed as she gripped two strong shoulders and moved herself onto the leg between her own.

One look in eyes, black with rich desire, Jane kneeled down and lifted the M.E.'s right leg over her shoulder. As light kisses sucked and licked against her skin, the doc growled and bit her lower lip. The detective's hands went around Maura's body and flat palms met the swell between thighs and bottom.

"Oh God," the medical examiner gasped and arched into the touch of a warm tongue.

Maura moaned desperately. "In," was the only word she managed to press over her lips.

The Cop replaced her hands with her right arm and slid two of her long and slender fingers into Maura's core. She felt as the muscles clenched around her digits, trying to draw them even deeper. Maura moved her hip into the touch and whimpered.

"Tell me," Jane asked barely above a whisper. Maura searched dark brown eyes, her voice raspy and dark.

"Deep and fast, I want you to fuck me like you did against the door downstairs."

Jane pulled her fingers almost all the way out and pushed them back in, as deep as she could, but slowly for the first few strokes. The doctor's nails dug into skin as the strokes became harder, faster and rougher.

Neither of them was used to that kind of sex before they experienced it together and although most would call this just a random fuck, it wasn't. Though it was obviously not love-making, it was still more about love than both of them had ever experienced during slow-sex in other relationships.

Even the pace couldn't stop Jane from softly and gently kissing Maura's skin and whispering sweet nothings. The M.E. knew if she would say a single word, the detective would stop and love her in every pace, position and place she asked for.

Maura had known that fact from the moment Jane kissed her downstairs, the way she treated her. She knew the other woman would do everything she asked for and it was that moment she knew she could finally let go and enjoy all of it, without shame, without embarrassment, without a second thought and without loosing her face. And that was it, their complete connection and she enjoyed it, a lot and she knew it was the same for Jane.

"Beautiful. You're incredibly beautiful and sexy and sweet." It was more than just words for the doctor and it pushed her higher than all the movements inside her.

The smaller body was heaving with deep breaths and her thigh locked the all-trained cop against her. Maura was lost again as Jane's tongue touched her clit once more. She desperately tried to hold on to something.

She dug her nails into dark skin. "God…Jane." She closed her eyes and fought with everything she could, to hold onto the divine pleasure for as long as possible.

She didn't want it to end just yet. But as Jane bent her fingers and touched the magic spot, there was nothing left to hold. She shook hard in the detective's arm, her mouth open as her head fell back and the next words that left her lips were, "Oh, fuck Jane."

After she calmed down a bit, she took a long deep breath and relaxed against Jane. Her head dropped to the detective's shoulder and light kisses stroked her face. After a few moments, she opened her eyes and a small shy smile emerged on her lips. The Italian smiled back and kissed her softly before she began to lather the smaller woman.

 

 


	10. If I believed in magic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter One)

 

**_After she calmed down a bit, she took a long deep breath and relaxed against Jane. Her head dropped to the detective's shoulder and light kisses stroked her face. After a few moments, she opened her eyes and a small shy smile emerged on her lips. The Italian smiled back and kissed her softly before she began to lather the smaller woman._ **

They all sat at their desks working on more paperwork.

Just as Maura slid through the door, the female detective rasped. "I hate damn paperwork."

Frost and Korsak grumbled in unison.

"Language, Jane. I brought coffee. I thought you would need it." Maura put down a coffee on everyone's desk and placed herself on the edge of Jane's.

Korsak looked over at Maura and Jane.

"Yes, I think Ms. 'Bad Mood on Monday Mornings' needs a lot of coffee today."

Jane lifted her eyebrow. "I'm not in a bad mood. I just hate paperwork."

Frost took a long sip of his coffee. "Maybe you should take the week off – a break after that case."

"Yeah, Jane, you have plenty of vacation days and comp time built up," Korsak interjected.

Maura touched her shoulder and waited for Jane to look up to her. "Maybe you should."

Jane shook her head. "And then what? Lie around on my couch and think about that freak? No thanks."

Maura smiled at her. "Maybe I will take some days off, too and we can go away together."

"Look Jane, grab Dr. Isles and get out of Boston for a couple of days. Go somewhere, anywhere and relax. Just come back safe and sound." Korsak waved his hand.

Jane watched Maura's face. "Come on. We'll get some lunch and talk about it."

As soon as the elevator doors closed, Jane spun Maura around and kissed her tenderly.

"So, you think I should take a break?" She smiled against the doctor's lips. "And, of course, it is totally unselfish of you to accompany me."

"Absolutely!" the M.E. answered smiling. "Right now, there is nothing nicer I can think of then you and me in a secluded place, on a bed with as few clothes as possible between us."

Jane laughed. She kissed Maura briefly but gently a last time before the 'ding' declared their arrival on the main floor. They made their way to the Dirty Robber for lunch, sitting in their usual booth. As they placed their order, Maura gave Jane her 'how often must I tell you that's not healthy' look.

"Don't go there Maura. Thanks to my metabolism, I can eat like a chowhound and not gain an ounce."

"Yes, but your blood cholesterol level will thank you very much if you wouldn't eat this mound of grease."

Jane grinned. "Food without grease tastes like rubber. And anyway, the fries you steal from me are greasy, too." Just on cue their food arrived.

"So, how about you tell me about our unplanned get-away?"

"I think we have two options. Either we stay nearby and drive over to the Winthrop Shore or we drive all the way to Brewster so we are out of town. Your decision."

Jane smiled. "What is there to decide? Fifteen minutes versus two hours in the car?"

Since Lieutenant Raymond Wells had been promoted, Korsak managed the Homicide division temporarily, so it wasn't a problem taking the week off on short notice. So they both went home to quickly pack.

**Maura's POV**

I wake up with the dawn. My back is pressed up against Jane's front but I want to watch her sleep.

She is so beautiful in her sleep. Well, she is always beautiful but when she sleeps, her face is so young and so full of peace.

Usually I get up the moment I wake, but since I've been sharing my nights with her, I can't motivate myself to leave the bed.

I have nearly half an hour until sunrise and I am not going to miss the moment the sun touches her.

Since its January, it's cold outside and the sea is rough. But this year we seem to have a lot of sun. It may not be that warm, but the sun is free to shine.

If I believed in magic, I would dare to think that someone up there is quite as happy as I am that we're together now. But, I don't believe in magic. I don't, I think. I knew that I didn't but now… Now I would like to believe in things like magic and predestination and fate – especially since my fate is peacefully resting beside me.

I know it is preposterous, but it feels like she is my fate, my soul-mate, my destiny, my eternity, my everything.

I am ruled by science. I believe in hormones and sexual attraction and natural instinct. But Jane is so much more than science. Every time she touches me it feels like she touches my heart and my soul. I know this isn't what nature provided in terms of evolution. I also know that sexuality is fluid and I never thought same-sex relationships were less than. But science should disprove it.

Nature proved to us otherwise and that is where my devotion for science collided with my body and heart and… simply collided with me.

I never felt love before, not the love in the poetical sense. I can name all the hormones that are responsible for sexual attraction and for sexual arousal and the urge for physical closeness after sex. But this science made no sense anymore.

I never was a 'cuddler' or 'lovesick'.

But, I am now. Preferably I would like to crawl inside her. I am physically sick when she's not by my side. I am not able to think clearly when she is near me. I can track all the impacts of drug intoxication. And what scares me the most is the fact that if she would ask me, I would willingly wait for her.

Sex is science.

I am used to handling it like shoe shopping… although I never paid for it.

If I needed it, I picked someone up and got what I wanted. Just as simple as that.

I don't know exactly how often I had sex in my life. I never counted it, but it wasn't that much in the last ten years.

I had two more or less serious relationships with men. To be honest, you get really lucky if you have sex more than once a night with a man. I didn't even think about orgasms. I ended up needing to create my own release after at least half the sexual encounters.

Jane worships my body, she worships me. She takes the time to slowly pamper every inch of me.

She bestows me with the most intense and beautiful orgasms of my life.

She lets me feel like the most expensive, most vulnerable, most breakable, most beautiful and rarest thing she has ever seen. She allows me to retain my dignity.

I never find a smug smirk on her face.

She never tries to force me to look at her when I climax. Most people don't know, but typically females don't like to look into someone's eyes when they are so vulnerable.

However, she watches my face like I do hers when she comes and that is another difference.

She looks so graceful in contrast to the nearly painful, distorted face of a man. I never watched their faces. It made me feel used and dirty.

I never feel dirty with her, not in the middle of the night on Friday or Saturday morning and not yesterday morning as we released tension in a very fierce way.

With her it doesn't feel dirty, regardless of how much pure lust and animal attraction there is. That's another difference, Jane doesn't do anything to me. It feels like we melt together.

It doesn't feel like I get fucked.

And it isn't that the word feels wrong.

We sleep together, we make love, we fuck.

We.

Not one of us just satisfies the other one. Each and every time it feels like we do it together.

I can't get enough of her, of her skin which touches mine, of her hands that appear so rough but are anything but rough.

Of her beautiful eyes which are able to stare gigantic men down but hold only love and adoration for me.

Of her sensitive lips which I never knew could hold such amazingly words inside.

Of her desirable body which seems specially created to match mine.

Of her heart-melting voice that melts a lot more than my heart.

Of her infinite power that never overpowers me.

Of her indecent effect on me. I am sure by the end of this week, I will have had more orgasms and by the end of the month, more sex with her than in my entire life.

It was simple with sex in the past. Now I am in a constant state of excitement. I can be shameless and remorseless with her without losing my pride. And the best part is she does the same.

I have learned a lot of things about Jane Rizzoli in the past three days and four nights and if it is possible, my love for her redoubled.

I knew all the things I said to her when we kissed the first time but she is more than that. She is so much more that there isn't even a word that describes her much less does justice to her.

I don't know if I am able to give back what she gives to me, but I am willing to move heaven and earth for her.

I have learned a lot about me, too. And I will learn a lot more at her side… hopefully for the rest of my life.

The sun rises and I watch it crawling slowly towards her body. I know it is ridiculous, but I feel a breath of envy. I want to touch her like the sun does but I like to watch as well. Her skin glows from the ball of fire on the horizon and I wish I could freeze this sight.

No painting or picture would ever be able to do this moment justice.

It is still early in the morning. Much too early for Jane to wake up on a day off but after I enjoyed this sight worthy of the gods, I have to touch her.

Carefully I stroke the thick locks out of her face. I graze the nails of my left hand from her shoulder along her right arm to her hips and then slowly back up.

She is sleeping on her left side, left arm curled under her head onto the pillow, her knees slightly bent. I wish we could stay here forever. Stay forever like this. Forever in love and flying high for all eternity.

Can a relationship stay like this?

I don't like my tendency to be pessimistic, but a burnt child dreads the fire.

Everyone left me except for one that was my own choice.

I don't like to drift into that direction.

Statistically speaking, relationships that began as friendships are the most stable and fulfilling.

I am thinking too much.

She said she loves me, more than once and I know she means it.

My nails are still sliding up and down her body but as I focus back on her, I see her watching me. As our eyes meet, she smiles. I think she knows I am in a twilight mood so she turns up the volume immediately.

"Wow Maura, what bad service here. Where's my coffee?"

I smile back and place myself over her. "Well, good morning down there."

I lean towards her and we share a tender kiss. "I think you earned your coffee," I whisper against her lips.

She smiles but holds me close. "Too early to get up," she answers. So we stay in bed two more hours kissing and snuggling.

 


	11. Voglia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter One)

**_She smiles but holds me close. "Too early to get up," she answers. So we stay in bed two more hours kissing and snuggling._ **

Jane's POV

After a two hour cuddling session of kissing and hugging, we had to get up. Not only was my stomach growling, but we needed to buy some food for our stay. So we walked along the shore holding hands, heading towards a little market.

I love being connected to her.

I saw her struggling this morning and I know she is feeling insecure.

But I don't think it's me she is uncertain about. I don't sense she doubts my feelings for her or my honesty. I can feel it when she looks at me, when she touches me. I believe this goes deeper under her skin. I think she is afraid – afraid of what might happen.

Maybe she is anxious about what might occur when our family and friends will find out or about where all of this will lead.

I know it's still new, but if it makes her feel more secure, I would drop down on one knee and ask her to marry me.

Yeah, okay that's ultra sappy and sooo gay. But, hey, if that means I get Dr. Maura Isles exclusively for the rest of my life, I'm willing to be whatever they might call me.

Okay, I am not going to marry her right away, but definitely in the near future. I don't want to freak her, but I want to make sure she knows that I'm really serious about us.

So after our breakfast, I excused myself and headed out of the café in search of a present. I needed to hurry 'cause I didn't want to get her curious. I found her present much easier than I thought.

I remembered something about colors that my mother rambled about some time ago. I didn't even realize I listened to her, but I remembered as soon as my eye caught the perfect thing. I really hoped she likes it.

After we had stowed away our groceries, we shared a small lunch and walked along the shore down to the sea.

I left her present waiting on her pillow on the bed.

Of course, when we were as far as possible from the house, it began to drizzle. We raced back down the beach, but by the time we reached the patio, we were drenched. I convinced her to go upstairs and shower while I made a fire and built a nice bed with blankets and cushions on the floor. Then I headed upstairs myself.

As I cracked open the bedroom door, Maura sat on the edge of the mattress, her face streaming with tears. She held the box to her chest with her right hand and clutched the card in her left. It broke my heart to see her crying even though there was a little shy smile on her lips. She must have sensed me and looked up. In a heartbeat, she was in my arms.

"I love you. I don't know what to say… except for thank you," she whispered in my ear.

I kissed her slowly. "Well, there wasn't enough time to get it ready but I want you to have it now – not in a week. I want you to know that you don't have to worry about my loyalty and my honesty for you. So we need to take them to a jeweler so they can be connected."

She pulled me tighter to her. "I love you. I love you, too with my heart and my soul," she whispers over and over.

That is what I wrote in the card. 'With my heart and my soul' and that's exactly what her present is – a silver necklace with a heart-shaped pendant and a heart-shaped stone in the middle. Her birthstone – peridot.

I also purchased two tiny butterflies, the symbol for the soul. The female assistant at the jeweler suggested I choose two distinctly different butterflies.

The one representing me is a simple silver butterfly with diamonds – my birthstone. The other, also in silver, has wings full of gemstones – garnet, the birthstone for January.

Sometimes it's useful to have a nagging mother. She once rambled for an entire hour about birthstones and zodiac signs after noticing that Maura's light green dress was a perfect match to her birthstone.

"There is a warm and spacious shower waiting for us," Maura whispered.

As we made our way into the bathroom, discarded clothes created a trail behind us on the floor. She switched on the shower and pulled me in. I pushed her under the spray and turned Maura around. The water was cascading through her hair, over her shoulders and down her back.

Our bodies were flush together. I ran my hands through Maura's hair and reached for the shampoo. I washed her hair slowly and lovingly rinsed. Then I squirted shower gel in my hands and foamed it up.

I started at Maura's neck, rubbing my fingers and dragging my nails down the ivory skin – over her shoulders, down her back and then when reaching her butt, I kneeled. While I soaped her thighs, calves and shins, I gently kissed her buttocks. When I stood again, I lightly sucked the spot below Maura's ear while caressing the toned belly and tenderly massaging her firm breasts.

Goose bumps followed one after another on Maura's skin. She pressed herself hard against me and her hands wrapped around to grip my bottom.

"I'm afraid we can't shower together on workdays," Maura whispered.

"Who are you and what did you with Dr. Maura 'serenity' Isles?"

She turned in my arms. "She's still there, somewhere. But you… with you I lose the very last vestiges of any self-control I had."

Maura ran her fingers down my arms and held my hands, taking her time to kiss them gently all over. No one else could pay so much attention to my sensitive hands with me simultaneously staying so calm. But more than that, I absolutely loved it. Then Maura mirrored all the moves she received from me before. After we warmed up and before the water ran cold, we dried each other off with fluffy white towels, only dressing in underwear and robes.

While Maura dried her hair, I ordered food. Then I grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses, arranged the recently arrived food onto plates and placed everything around the improvised bed. I took off my robe, then waited for Maura with only the gleam of the fire dimly lighting the area.

I heard her steps on the stairs and then she appeared, sitting down between my spread legs. She wore nothing but a low-cut front-close bra with crossed straps on the back and lace-trimmed cheeky panties.

Jesus.

I grabbed her hips and pulled her towards me – her legs over mine until the back of her knees touched my thighs.

We fed each other our dishes and some fruit I also ordered. We stayed in our position, just a small space between us and slowly sipped our wine.

I don't understand why she chose me, but I'll be damned if I complained.

With the tips of my fingers, I stroked strands of hair out of her face and then traced the path from behind her ears to her jaw. I touched every inch in her face, slowly. I stroked down her neck, over her shoulders, her collarbones, down to her chest. I touched all of her tiny freckles.

*"Voglia," I whispered.

"What?"

"Voglia, that's the name for them. It means wish or desire," I whispered back. "That's actually not correct. They are called *lentiggini. But when I was little, my Nonna explained that for every wish you made, a freckle would appear on your skin. I think she used the Italian word for birthmarks to make her story believable. She also told why I have my belly button. She said that as God created me, he tapped me there, to mark me as being finished."

Maura chuckled and I prepared myself for the scientific explanation that never came. She just smiled and touched my navel.

"That is the sweetest explanation I have ever heard. Sometimes I wish I could have grown up normal."

Her words broke my heart… just like every time she tells me about her childhood. I don't know the details, but she always seems so sad. I continued my tender loving caresses and shared more of my grandma's tales with her.

"You know at sunset on cold days when the sky is red, like it is on fire? She told me that happens 'cause the angels are baking cookies."

We locked our eyes as both of us constantly touched the other.

"When a bell rings an angel earns his wings." I leaned forward and pecked her lips slowly.

"Do you know how Nonna explained a thunderstorm?"

Maura smiled while she shook her head slightly.

"She told us that the clouds are siblings and sometimes they fight, like we do. Thunder is the sound they make while they shove each other and the lightning flashes are just the sun shining through when they push apart." I watched her relaxed face.

"I know that's really stupid, but it helped."

Maura cupped my face with both hands. "That's not stupid. Knowing what really happens doesn't make it any less frightening. Please tell me more. I love seeing the world through your eyes."

I pulled her closer, no more distance between us.

"The best story she ever shared with us was about advent candles. Every year while we decorated her house and set-up the Christmas-tree, she would explain that each candle is one piece of the human race.

One night on Christmas Eve, a long time before humans began to count years, it was deadly silent in a shanty in Jerusalem.

In every corner was a lit candle – four altogether. It was so silent you could hear the candles whisper.

The first candle sighed. 'I am peace, but humans don't want me. They fight about anything.' So her light slowly died.

The second candle flickered. 'My name is faith, but I am needless. No one wants to believe in me or God. There is no need for me to hold on.' A small breath erased the light.

Sadly the third candle whispered. 'I am love and I don't have the strength left to pretend. People set me aside all the time. They only see themselves and forget about the ones that should be loved.' With a last flicker she died, too.

The small child sleeping in the room woke and started to cry bitterly. 'You should be burning, you should be burning.'

The fourth candle started to shine brighter than all the others put together and whispered.

'My name is hope and as long as I burn, we can light all the others again.'

The child smiled heartily, clasping onto hope and lighting peace, faith and love again."

I reached up to stroke her tears away with my thumbs.

"I didn't mean to make you cry."

Maura shook her head. "I'm not sad. I'm just so happy that you share your memories with me. You so rarely let anyone close to you. Sometimes it's just overwhelming to feel the soul underneath."

*Voglia - birthmark *lentiggini - freckles

 

 


	12. Ti amo, mia cara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter One)

 

_**Maura shook her head. "I'm not sad. I'm just so happy that you share your memories with me. You so rarely let anyone close to you. Sometimes it's just overwhelming to feel the soul underneath."** _

Maura's POV

Jane's body looks just perfect. The flicking fire only makes her skin look even more warm and inviting. The black of her garments fits perfectly with her hair and skin.

Her eyes are only glistening black pools in the near darkness. I've never experienced before how erotic and sensual touches could be. I have no sense of time anymore, but we've had to have been sitting here over an hour.

I am in her lap, my legs around her waist. She is wearing plain cotton underwear. She could wear anything and be just as sexy. She either doesn't know or doesn't accept it.

We touch each other lightly, just fingertips, no pressure. I am so turned on and she is also. I can see it. Her eyes are only pupils now, she's slightly sweating just like me and her aroma isn't helping to keep me at bay.

Her nipples are rock-hard and showing through the fabric of her bra. Mine are just as hard, but I'm not ready for more. Not yet.

I am learning. I have to learn my own body with her and that seems ridiculous.

It's my profession to know anatomy and every process in the human body. I know every inch of skin and I know every erogenous zone. I know the exactly numbers of nerve endings of every part.

However, I am discovering parts of me with her that I didn't even know I could feel.

All of this isn't about release anymore and if our… well… it even feels wrong to use the word sex in my head. If our interations in bed hold any promise for our lifes, well in that case I woke up in paradise last Friday morning.

I only pray that I give her as much joy as she bestows on me.

While her fingertips run from my jaw down over my throat, my head sinks back to my nape. Suddenly I feel her lips at my jugular notch, the tip of her tongue tickles over my skin there.

We haven't been kissing the whole time, but with me bending my head back, I break our constant gaze.

Her lips feel like magma on my skin. I wouldn't be surprised to see burn marks where she kisses me.

She trails over my chest to the swells of my breasts, spreading kisses over all the uncovered skin. As she moves to small, soft sucking kisses, I begin to reach for the clasp of my bra, but she stops me.

"Not now," she whispers hoarsely and skims lightly over the fabric.

"Don't take that wrong, please," she strokes my face. "I like it when you are barely covered. It is more aesthetically pleasing than bare skin." She kisses me tenderly.

"As I said don't get me wrong, I like you naked as much as dressed. But this is like… like presents. You are never as excited as just before you unwrap them, no matter how perfect the presents are."

I smile at her. She didn't need to explain it. She couldn't have said anything lovelier. She couldn't be more demonstrative of how much she cares.

Jane's hands slides onto my shoulder blades and she leans us both down and starts to kiss my stomach and I can feel the friction her abs cause against my sex. I hold my breath for a moment or two or three.

Had she done all of this our first night together I already would have come three times. Even now I still need a lot of concentration, my body isn't accustomed to so much tenderness and attention.

I use my breathing techniques from yoga to compensate for my arousal. I want to enjoy her and enjoy her a lot.

Although I am really worked up, I'm sure I can go without a climax right now.

My whole body hums in satisfaction, liberation, harmony, love.

As she lays me gently down, I am also sure we will not get much sleep tonight.

She starts all over again. She touches every inch of me with her fingertips and mirrors her motions with her lips afterwards – from my forehead to my ankles.

She kneels down between my calves and lifts my left leg. She presses light kisses to the bottom of my foot. This could be my undoing. I never knew I was that sensitive there.

"Jane," I whisper.

She seems to know what I was about to say because she puts my foot down gently and whispers back to me.

"Just for now, Maura," as she resumes kissing me – painfully slow, sucking kisses beginning at my left ankle.

As she reaches my neck, she turns me over. Jane didn't miss an inch except for the part of me that is still covered and now she's worshipping my backside. I can feel every nerve twitching and twisting.

I am notably sensitive to her touch between my shoulder blades. I am putty in her hands. On her way up she replaces her hands and mouth with her own skin, slowly sliding on top of my back.

She takes my hands and laces our fingers together, one of each side of my head. She nibbles softly the skin underneath my ear and I can hear her breathing.

"I love you, I am in love with you," she whispers hoarsely.

"I am in love with your eyes, they are my favorite part of you," she hums.

"I love your voice, Jane," I get out, more a moan than words. Good God that voice is my prevailing vice. She is my vice.

"Your hands. They seem rough yet they are so soft. I spent countless many nights thinking about what they could do to me," my voice rasps.

She hums again and it sends lightning through my whole body.

"I'm in love with your gorgeous smile." She kisses my ear.

"I'm in love with your beautiful mind," she nibbles my earlobe. I have to catch my breath. I don't know how she does it but the suggestion is creeping over me that she is about to talk me into climax. I can feel my heart pounding against my ribcage.

"I'm in love with all of your quirks," our hands are still intertwined. Low voiced moans are now leaving my lips. I move my body underneath her. She kisses my neck and the tip of her tongue touches my skin. I am on fire.

"I am also in love with your beautiful hands and your killer legs," her voice is raw and deep and drones through every fibre of me.

"Your sexy stomach and your godlike rear. Do you have any idea how often I forgot what I was about to do when I watched your butt in those damn skin-tide clothes?"

"Jane," I moan. "You are mere seconds away from talking me into an orgasm." I don't remember my own voice even more.

*"Ti amo, mia cara. Ti amo tanto," and that's it.

The combination of her using Italian and moaning it into my ear is my undoing.

I can barely hold onto anything. My brain is nothing but mush. I hear myself groaning and moaning. I register words tumbling out of my mouth like 'God' or 'Jane' or both together.

My body is shaking underneath her. I can feel her lips on my neck and they don't help me get my movements under control. I can hardly get oxygen into my lungs. My heart is pumping burning lava through my veins.

"I love you, my ravishing beauty," she whispers and it vaults me back where I was coming from.

I clasp her hands harder. I need to hold on for dear life. I am going to lose myself. I love her need to stay close to me. Like everything with her, even this is different.

I was always thankful that most men had the habit of scooting away from me once they were done. She stays, we both stay. I am experiencing a whole new sexuality with her and my preferences are shifting completely.

"Sleep, my sweet girl," I hear her whispering. I know she only wants the best for me, but right now I want anything but sleep.

I need to kiss her. I need her skin under my fingers, under my lips and my tongue. I need to feel her. I need to love her. My thumbs stroke over hers.

"I want to kiss you," I whisper and she lifts herself to let me turn. She slowly sinks back down on me and rests on her forearms. I wrap my hands softly around her biceps.

I adore her musculature and I love watching them twitching under my touch. She kisses my lower lip and runs the tip of her tongue over it. I kiss her nose. I always perceived that as a gesture of affection and I want her to feel that.

She really deserves to be loved. If you're lucky enough to get into her heart, nothing else that happens in your life will surpass Jane Rizzoli. I smile at her. My lips close gently around her lower lip, pulling it away slowly and then repeating it again and again.

One of my greatest desires is watching her eyes when we kiss.

I admire her chocolate colored eyes, so dark but so warm. They sparkle every time our lips touch. Her eyes are definitely the windows to her soul, as they say.

She moans as I run the tip of my tongue over hers. We share a long, slow and loving kiss. It is never a battle for domination. It is more a sensual dance, like making love in our mouths. I move my hands and run my fingertips up and down her spine.

*"I love you, my dear. I love you so much."

 

 


	13. walking sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter One)
> 
> I post two chapters today because I don't feel to add more into this short one. Hope you like it anyway.

 

_**She moans as I run the tip of my tongue over hers. We share a long, slow and loving kiss. It is never a battle for domination. It is more a sensual dance, like making love in our mouths. I move my hands and run my fingertips up and down her spine.** _

Maura's POV

I unclasp her bra and loosen it slowly, tossing it aside. My hands running over her buttocks and the back of her thighs as I lead her legs to the outside of mine. I use the strength of my abdomen to lift us both into a sitting position and simultaneously guide her calves around me.

I run my fingertips upwards until I meet the hem of her panties. I slow down my motions. I want to enjoy every inch of the muscles on her stomach.

I don't think anyone in her former love life ever showed her how irresistible she is. She is walking sex without knowing it.

She groans as I run my nails over her skin. I use both of my index fingers to trace every muscle of her body and as I reach her back I simultaneously start kissing her front.

I can hear her every breath. Her head is dipped back, her lips are slightly parted and her hands flat on my shoulders, nails lightly scraping my skin.

I let the tip of my tongue circle her areola before I lick softly over her nipple. I mirror my action on the other breast and as I close my lips around it she starts to move against my belly.

My hands slide onto her shoulder blades and I let her sink back a bit, creating more friction against her center. I continue to suck gently on her breast and start to constrict and relax my pubococcygeus muscles, the muscle of my pelvic base. It causes my stomach to move and increases her pleasure.

I watch her face. Her eyes are closed. Every tendon in her neck is visible. I can see her larynx move every time she swallows. Her jaw clenching and unclenching. Her lids flickering. Her lips parting more and more, until her mouth looks like a voiceless scream.

God, I think I will never get enough of this sight.

I am in an odd stage of arousal. Another experience I only share with Jane. I am turned on but pleasuring her is satisfying me.

Her breathing is getting louder. I can feel her muscles spasm. Her weight more and more is carried by me. I never feel as strong as when I hold her, catch her, protect her. I feel her whole body stiffen. Then I feel a dark grumble rolling from the deep of her stomach, through her chest and throat over her lips.

Then 'Monti Rizzoli'* erupts in my arms.

*mountain - referring to Monti Cimini (volcano in Italy)

 

**Twitter: rizzlesshipper4ever**

**The second one follows later today...**

 


	14. You are guessing here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter One)
> 
> Second Chapter, sorry for the delay, connection-probs!

 

 _ **Her breathes are getting louder. ISee Author's Note (Chapter One) can feel her muscles spasm. Her weight more and more is carried by me. I never feel this strong as when I hold her, catch her, protect her. I feel her whole body stiffen for some seconds.**_   _ **I feel a dark grumble rolling from the deep of her stomach, through her chest and throat over her lips.**_

_**Then *'Monti Rizzoli' erupt in my arms.** _

Maura's POV

I lie awake in my bed. It is our last day off. Martin Luther King Day. Jane's warm body is wrapped around my back, her right hand on my belly. I could forever stay here. I think about the past week.

Nine days and ten nights, with a small break on last Monday, only Jane and I. Jane and I and a lot of profound conversations, a lot of fun and more than a lot of divine love and fabulous orgasms.

On Wednesday I got tickets for TD Garden, Boston Celtics versus Minenesota Timberwolves. Celtics won 113:96. I never saw a basketball game. I would do it anytime again.

I love to see her having fun and she had a lot of fun. I let her eat and drink whatever she wanted without nagging about her dietary-habits. I bought actual season jerseys for both of us. In gratitude for a perfect night from a Rizzoli-point of view I got a sleepless night and four spectacular climaxes. One in the shower, one onto the sink in the bathroom and two in bed.

On Thursday she offered do something I like and we went to the Museum of Science. Although she would never admit it I am sure she had fun. Afterwards we had dinner at Blackstrap BBQ.

Bribing Jane with food of her choice performs miracles. I really don't know from where she gets her endurance but on Friday I am exhausted in a way that I am voluntary spend the day in bed with takeout for lunch and dinner, hours of cuddling and out of consideration to my sore body just one round of tenderly but not less intense lovemaking.

Saturday we went together to Letterie's Italian and to Central Seafood Market and afterwards I couldn't stop being amazed. Jane Rizzoli is a phenomenally cook. She made me promise to never tell her mother, otherwise she will never cooking with me again.

It wasn't implicit the meal we cooked, although it was delicious. It was the way we interact which made me unbelievable happy and in love all over again.

After I prepared all ingredients on the counter to start dinner I felt Jane pressed up against my back. She slid her arms around me.

"You need some help there, Maura?" she whispered.

"I'm not sure you are helping with being this near to me," I answered faintly.

"Nah, I have some secretly skills," she murmured.

"I am sure you have but that wouldn't help getting dinner ready," I groaned.

Jane shook her head lightly. "Nah, nah, Doctor. You are guessing here," she laughed.

"What are we cooking anyway?" she asked.

"Black Sea turbot 'caprese' with ricotta ravioli," I answered.

"That sounds pretty fancy," she smiled and roamed through the ingredients. "Pomodoro San Marzano dell'Agro Sarnese Nocerino, Mozzarella di Bufala Campana," she whispered as she touched tomatoes and the buffalo mozzarella.

I must have looked at her in shock, because she answered. "What. Just 'cause my fridge only holds beer, cheese, ketchup and olives doesn't mean I have no idea. Look I am not as fancy as you are and I don't care for your niminy-piminy food but my Nonna taught me a lot about cooking and the basic foodstuffs. I couldn't even tell you what kind of fish that is if you would hold a gun to my head. But…, I can cook."

"Are you leading or I?" she whispered rough directly beneath my ear and caused me to shiver. It took me some seconds to remember why she would ask such a thing.

I took hold of her hands. With our right hands we took the knife and on the left side the foods changed while we handled them.

"Well your fingers are capable to more than to slash dead bodies," she rasped as we filleted the fish.

"I thought I already demonstrated the abilities of my fingers more than once," I smirked back.

"Wow, Dr. Isles you are some pretty, sassy ass there," she breathed and I wiggled the same as called against her pelvis.

"Mhh. Have I ever told you how good your hair smell, Maura." Her nose nuzzled trough my locks. "Do you want to know what's my 'Pavlov's Dog' is?"

I giggled but didn't correct her.

"Well obviously your smell but what get's me every time is that damn clicking of your heels. That's like a hypnotising drumbeat." She pushed my front softly against the counter. "If I knew there would be hope that you know what I mean I would tell you it's like in Jumanji."

I had to laugh. "If you believe it or not, I have watched it. Involuntarily, but I have watched it. So I know exactly what you are referring to."

She trapped my fingers between hers and grabbed the salt grinder. "Well… I would really like to know how you where forced to watch such an useless stuff."

I chuckled about her remark but my face went sad as I thought about it. "During an internship, there was a small child. Terminally ill. An orphan child. Nobody came to see this child and one afternoon I mustered all my courage and sat down beside his bed and watched him sleeping. As he woke he smiled so brightly it nearly broke my heart. So we ended up watching this movie together."

"Wow…," she whispered and as sad as this story ended for the little boy and for me, I was not willed to let our mood shift. I turned my head and kissed her pulse point.

I moved our hands again and we filled the fish with tomatoes, mozzarella and basil. Put some olive oil into the pan and while it fried we cooked the raviolis. We prepared pesto and picked a wine together. All of it my back pressed to her front, fingers interlaced.

We served the food and sat down in front of the fire place onto the floor and fed each other.

It wasn't that we had profound conversations during our cooking or endless laughed, it was the fact that it was never too much to be close to her that made it so invaluable for me. Jane already felt like my own skin, belonging to me.

I teased her over two hours before I released her and she endowed me with her unbelievable gifted tongue.

Sunday morning she surprised me with an oddly substantial breakfast in bed and we had lunch at Café Rossettis before we made the way home.

Sunday dinner at Rizzoli's appeared as acutely complicated. Thanks to my tinted windows they did not caught us 'in flagrante delicto' kissing in their driveway. But once inside it was difficultly not to cause their attention.

My first mistake was to wear a skirt. I hadn't thought about Jane and her touchy-feely fingers. So I spent the evening stammering, blushing, breath- and speechless and the worst of it I was highly aroused.

My second mistake was to be aroused and my third was to drown my wine in hopes of calming my nerves.

I am sure my whole behaviour was one awkward scenario.

But as Jane would say 'Payback is a bitch'. And said bitch was waiting behind my front door.

She has baseball practice today and I am not sure she can even walk properly.

 

 


	15. Boston Strangler 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter One)

 

 

_**But as Jane would say 'Payback is a bitch'. And said bitch was waiting behind my front door. She has baseball practice today and I am not sure she can even walk properly.** _

Jane's POV

After a shower together we left towards the ballpark. Practice-match Homicide versus DCU.

Our usually banter between the units was in full swing two minutes in the game. It was warm this month, not as summer-hot, but much too warm for January. Strange.

I was next at bat. Maura was rambling about a perfect stance and I had a look over to her. She's wearing a skin tight outfit, reminded me a bit of a diver's suit. A man was standing beside her, his eyes roamed over her body.

_Year cuss, watch and cry!_

She didn't even register him until he piped up. I don't know what he had said but my mood was already slightly pissed 'cause we had to leave the house and after teasing her at my parents house I couldn't even walk straight.

She smiled at him and her attention turned back to me. She rambled on about wind and gave me some advises about the stance again. It was defiantly not the best hit but she showed off like I had a hit a homerun. Shit-face behind the fence prattled on and somehow Maura got ready for her turn.

Okay that hood looked really stupid.

She hit the ball. Respect!

While she started her lap a body touched down in the middle of the park. So far with the day off! Now I was really pissed and I was afraid it would not get any better. Frankie and Frost brought a hub-cab from a 1960 Crysler 300.

Like I said hardly arrived at HQ the worst case happened. Ass-head Grant turned out to be our new Lieutenant and Crow already had his head all the way up into his ass. I had enough, down to the morgue. I would rather watch millions of autopsies than one minute with Grant in a room together.

Maura informed me about her results and I vented my spleen over Grant. I totally forgot dinner with my family. Maura couldn't accompany me because of the DB but she spurred me on to leave for dinner.

I thought again this day couldn't get worst, it could.

My mother jawed on about marriage, husbands and children. It was eating me to yell at her that I spent the most part of my last weekend and the whole week after it loving the most incredible human being on earth.

My mother care about us, but like all mothers in the world most of the time she's annoying.

Sad for the victim but luck for me I could escape my mother as operator calls. The drive to the crime scene I spent thinking. Maura and I had spoken about enjoying our relationship for some time but at some point we have to face it. I hope my family will take it well.

I am raised catholic and my mother is really religious but I pray that she will turn out like I think. My mother is really annoying and snoopy and nagging all the time but underneath she is the loving, caring and insightful person I know. I hope the love for me is enough to help her accept Maura at my side. My father just loves me, us. He is what people call modest. He is just fine with everything.

So I met Maura at the crime scene. Two victims with the same MO in one day, boy something smelled to high heaven there. I should have played the lottery today.

Our two victims had identically names like victims from the BOSTON STRANGLER!

Man that case nearly cleaned Boston from the map and fucking Grant cuts me short. Ignorant bastard!

Kosak and I spent hours down in the basement rummaging through old files. We tried to convince Kenny Leahy, one of the Detectives at the strangler-case, to help us. I think he's a bit strange.

I made my way down to the morgue again to bring the old case files to Maura and found her cuddling with Frost.

I watched them amused for some moments. She tried to help him with his sickening by death. I startled them and Frost looked like I had kicked his puppy. While we looked over the evidence together I couldn't resist my urge to caress Maura's face, she is so sweet.

Now I am lying in her tube thinking about the day as she enters the room in nothing but a black lace see-through robe carrying a glass of wine and a bottle of Blue Moon. That could turn out interesting.

She places both on the wood beside the in-floor-embedded tube nearly as big as my damn whole bathroom. She let her robe slowly sliding over her shoulder, pooling around her feet and steps into the water like Cleopatra herself.

She sits down between my legs and lays back, her head on my shoulder. Her hands are slowly caressing my thighs and I press small, soft pecks to her neck. Her hair tickles my chest.

"Like to talk about it?" she whispers.

I close my arms around her and my fingertips stroke her firm belly. "I don't know Maura, this can end really badly. A lot of cops lost their jobs or their family, their lives."

"If it calms you, you don't have to worry about me. I know how much you sacrifice your self for the victims," she only whispers.

Her left hand leaves my leg and she touches my cheek, brush along my jaw, across my ear into my hair. "I love how much you care."

She pulls my head down, stretches her neck and kisses me tenderly. She snuggles her face against mine.

"Yeah but fucking Grant doesn't let me do my fucking job," I hiss.

She doesn't correct my language and I wonder why. Instead her right hand slides up further and makes it way between us.

"I don't want to defend him but it is his first day and already such a though case. Maybe you two need just time and if you not come along feel free to curse as much as you like. In here."

She starts caressing me, just slightly. No pressure, bare movements.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She takes a long breath. "I thought we could use this as a passage from work to private. If we have a rough day or a tough case I use to lay here and reflect the day and let it go. I thought we can do this together now. I don't like to take work to bed," she talks the whole time only whispering.

"That's sounds like a good idea," I answer her and begin to mirror her motions.

While we talk muted further about the case and our thoughts we bring each other very slowly and gently to a well relieving climax. Just caressing and whispering.

While we dry each other off, I think about that we just now created our first shared tradition, a nice and well combination of colleagues, friends and lovers. After we finish our night routine I spoon her in bed and we kiss goodnight.

I lay awake but I don't think about the case although I think the case is to blame for my insomnia. I think about this warm and soft bundle in my arms. I learn so much about her every day and it seems she touches and calls up some places in me I didn't thought I had.

I want to be better for her, softer, more loving. I know I can be terrible and I am, outside our comforting nest. I can't help myself. I have to be 'Detective Rizzoli' outside our safe-zone. I just have to be.

I had to fight hard to be one of them and they respect me. Yes, they talk about me, they insult me behind my back, inveigh against me and my manners. But they still respect me.

It is so easy to love her and to be nice and loving and caring around her. I'm so happy. I feel constantly to burst from inside out, but I'm just as afraid as happy. I know I will screw this up a lot of times and I can't bear the thought of losing her.

I have to try to be better, for her, for us. I want this. I want this, us, like nothing before in my life. I watch her sleeping. God she's so pretty without her make-up and I'm so proud to be the one to see her like this. For her it is a real big deal. No one get's to see her less than perfect and it means so much to me.

 

**Special thanks to OxymoronForLife for reading my bullshit ;) and being my beta 3**

**Twitter: rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	16. Boston Strangler 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for posting the wrong chapter... now it's the right one

See Author's Note (Chapter One)

**_I have to try to be better, for her, for us. I want this. I want this, us, like nothing before in my life. I watch her sleeping. God she's so pretty without her make-up and I'm so proud to be the one to see her like this. For her it is a real big deal. No one gets to see her less than perfect and it means so much to me._ **

Jane and Frost discuss the case. "This…This is Helen Blake," Jane hands over some papers to Frost while Frankie walks into the bullpen.

"Okay and after that…," her brother cuts her of. "You said I wouldn't make a good detective." He drops an envelope on her desk.

"That's not what I said," she answered without looking. "We have 294 woman with the same names as the other 11 victims. And we got to find a way to let them know…," she leans over her desk while Frankie watches her.

"Open it up," he says. Jane stops ignoring him and looked up into his face, open mouth. "I took a bunch of photos at the softball field and… and at your second vic's apartment." Jane presses her lips together and nods.

"And you're always saying that the killer might try to sightsee in a crowd of ghouls, so," he rambles on.

"Thank you. Thank you so much," Jane takes the envelope and lays it aside.

Frankie points at the desk, "A…aren't you even gonna look at them?"

Jane breathes before she turns her head back to him, stressed out. "Can't right now. There's a strangler on the loose."

Grant burst into the bullpen. "Rizzoli!" he yells but turned to Frankie. "Hey Frankie, come find me later. I need to talk to you."

He walks up to Jane's desk and holds up some news papers. "Thanks. Really nice first day. I got the mayor, the commissioner, every news agency, hell I even got my own mother crawling up my ass." He throws the papers on her desk.

She shakes her head. "I'm not your leak." Jane makes a face and her voice is dripping wet with glee. "Can't stand the heat, go back to the drug unit."

"Strike two Rizzoli," he mutters.

Jane already pissed is yanking a paper from the bunch on her desk and nearly rubs it into his face. "I am working the case!"

"Really?" he asks sarcastically. "Let's see… Oh, I get it… you're gonna call every Mary Sullivan in the State of Massachusetts and tell her the Boston Strangler's looking for her. I am setting up a task force. From now on, everything in this case runs through me. And I want updates from you very 10 minutes."

While he's nagging at Jane, Crowe walks up to the window and pulls the shade down. "Hey, they're towing your car, Rizzoli."

That's just what Jane needs right now. She gets all nervous while waiting for the elevator to arrive at the main floor. Thank heaven's Leahy talked Big Mo off and saved her car. They talk about the strangler case as he hands her his personal files. Upstairs, Jane and Frost go through Kenny's files and find a name: Redmond Jones. He'd been locked up for rape until two days before the killings.

Frost and Rizzoli visit Redmond's mother, with Kenny. She's a foul-mouthed old racist who stalls them until Kenny grabs Redmond around back.

Jane has to break them up. They each take a shot, and Redmond ends up bleeding. She notices his empty garage and a picture of an old car that matches the hubcap Frankie found. Redmond claims it was recently stolen. He accuses Kenny of being the killer.

Back at the station, Jane looks at Frankie's photos and finds the same guy in them. They confirm Kenny was getting dialysis when the first victim was killed. They run the guy through facial recognition software and find his name is Sandy; he runs a website on ligature strangulation.

At his apartment, they find a shrine to strangling with pictures of corpses everywhere.

In interrogation, he claims to be a 'death enthusiastic.' They're interrupted when Korsak tells them they have a third victim.

At the crime scene, Maura crouches beside the victim and looks down at her thermometer. "Liver temp indicates she dies within the last hour." Jane is standing behind the chair the victim is sitting on. Her arms crossing in front of her chest and her face is pissed as hell. She moves her upper body and animates air quotes while she determines that it wasn't the "death enthusiast".

"Well…at least he's not blogging," Frost tries to say as plain as possible.

Jane leans against the border of the bookshelf, arms still crossed. "Thanks for pointing out the bright side," her response is dripping wet with sarcasm.

Maura jumps in to save poor Frost from Jane's mood. "Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh have proven that optimistic people live longer." Only to pull Jane's sarcasm onto herself.

The female detective leans her left arm against the corner of the wall and her right makes it to her own hip. "So she was a pessimist," she asks sarcastically. Maura glances at her and if she were Jane this one would ask 'Really?'

Frost lifts her drivers licence. "Joanne Graff, twenty-nine."

Jane walks over to crouch down beside the victim. "A Joanne Graff was strangled in 1962 by the Boston Strangler." She strokes with the back of her hand over the victims left arm and her attention is turning to a patch on the scarf wound around the neck.

"Maura…," she pulls the victims hair aside. "What do you see?"

The M.E. leans over and while looking at it she answers. "A reddish-brown stain." Turning her look towards Jane's face.

"In other words, blood." It isn't more a statement than a question.

Maura shakes her head. "No. A reddish-brown stain. The crime lab will determine what it is." She raises and scribbles down on her clipboard. "No signs of lacerations or abrasions on the victim."

Jane's face lightens up a bit. "So it's not hers, which means we might have gotten lucky and the killer was bleeding." Frost's phone is ringing.

The doctor moves her head and facial expressions in a 'don't jump to conclusions' way and Jane adds more for Maura's benefit. "Or smearing reddish-brown stuff."

"Thanks," Frost says and turns his attention over to the women. "We got lucky. Red's car has been located. Towing it to the evidence now."

Jane claps her hands. "See? You just got to remain optimistic," she said smiling brightly while walking past Frost to leave the crime scene.

Arriving at HQ, Big Mo puts down the car in front of the building and Jane starts to examine it. She finds a cloth with blood in the trunk. Happy about her discovery, she notices that her car gets towed and right on the top of her bad mood Maura calls.

Frost and Jane come through opposite door and both of them storms into the lab.

"Great news… We got a hit on the blood you found on the second victim's blouse." Maura's says while hanging up the phone and turn around.

"Who does it belong to?" Jane asks and Maura answers. "Redmond Jones."

A big and bright smile creeps slowly over Jane's face. "Guys, I think we just found the 'Boston Strangler'."

Maura smiles happily. "We should let Lieutenant Grant know," Frost says and while he dials Jane grinned more. "Let's bring this sucker home."

While Jane and Frost walk up from the right side of the building into the entrance hall from the other side the new 'Task-Force' strolls in: Grant, three of his asskisser's, and Frankie.

"The task force will take it from here," Grant informs her smugly while he dresses up his coat.

"Y… You can't do that. It's my case," Jane spit at him and watches him in disbelief.

"Well, you're part of the task force. Come along if you like."

Crowe slide his face up to her. "Yeah. Come along, it'll be fun."

She stops Frankie from following them. "You're squeezing the orange, huh, Frankie? You getting some juice? That's a fast way to make Detective."

That's how life goes, you did all the whole work and some asses reach for the prize. And your own brother is in on it. She get rid off her parents and while everyone congratulates Grant for his big break-through, she let go of her frustration by hammering her cell phone into the metallic wall of the elevator.

Jane's POV

Well… I don't know how I feel just right now. Betrayed, cheated, frustrated. I would like to pull a blanket over my head, snuggle into Maura and never see daylight again. How is it possible, two days ago I was so happy and now... Now I am sitting here, just staring into space. Frost is as down as I am.

Korsak walks in, sits down on my desk and touches my shoulder. He offers his commiserations. I am thinking, thinking. This whole fucking shit smells to hell.

I complain about their celebration, but that's not really what stinks the most. I grab a sheet of paper from my desk and explain to him how impossible it is to have nothing for forty years and then suddenly... Maura always tells me that forensic evidence doesn't waver, doesn't lie and doesn't change its mind. And while I mutter this though out loud I got an idea.

I walk over into B.R.I.C.'s and we check the camera opposite the clinic Leahy went to. And there he is. Coming out all dressed up five minutes after entering. I need Maura to test something. I run down to the morgue and as I circle the divider standing between the two autopsy tables I freeze in shock.

There is Leahy standing pointing a gun to my girl's head. He demands me to give up my gun.

As I reach for it Maura pleads not to listen to him. I pull my gun slowly out and watch her scared face. I don't know what to do. I struggle as he yells at her. Nothing's worth putting her in more danger than she already is but I signal her with my eyes to the tray with scalpels and other instruments on her left side.

I know she never would hurt anybody, but this is life or death. I beg with my eyes for her to do it.

With one last glance at Maura, I bent down and put my gun slowly onto the floor. She is terribly frightened. I detect the bat leaning against the wall. Slowly I kick my gun to the right side of the room.

I distract him with talking and as Maura senses her chance she grabs the scalpel and rams it into his right leg. He screams in pain, Maura pushes him away and pulls up a nice kick to his weapon. It slides across the room. I grab the bat and let it come down onto his back until he is flat on the ground.

I have to suppress the urge to smash his head. But Maura's totally dry quotation of the word 'homerun' snaps me out back into reality.

I throw the bat over my shoulder and answer as dry as she did. "No. Just a base hit," and I just start to laugh.

I kneel down and cuff that shit-head. "You okay?" I ask her.

"Yeah," she answers immediately, take an audible breath. "Yeah."

After booking that damn bastard, Maura and I agree to a drink at the Robber, letting some of the weight of the day fall – not wanting to take all of it home with us.

We sit in total silence and just drink. Two men are watching me from a table not far away.

"Can we just talk about something? Anything?" she asks me with a sad expression on her face.

I think a moment about what I can just say right now and then my opportunity walks up.

I smile briefly. "Okay wait. There are two kinds of guys. The one that hates I'm a cop and the kind that wants me to use the handcuffs." I smile again. "Okay, watch this."

She looks over to the man who is walking up to us. "Ready?" I flash my badge. "Shabow." She starts laughing. "See ya." She laughs more and mutters. "That was fast."

The man still sitting at the table is waving and I smile at him. Maura is still laughing. "I'm smiling. I like handcuffs." I quote his thoughts. "All right," I put my badge down again. She is still laughing. Mission 'making Maura smiling again' complete.

Just as our mood is getting better Grant walks up. He asks to sit with us and pulls a beat-around-the-bush apology out of his ass.

"You saw me looking, but I wasn't looking at your paper."

Did he just really say that?

**Thank you very much for your time, review would be awesome.**


	17. Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

" ** _You saw me looking, but I wasn't looking at your paper."_**

**_Did he just really say that?_ **

Maura's POV

I have barely eaten something, on the contrary to Jane. I am sure she can eat everywhere, everything and every time. I think it is some kind of normalcy for her. Something to hang on, to stay alive, to keep her feet on the ground after a tough case. She has fixed habits to cast off the darkness she has to deal with: baseball, kickboxing and eating.

I have those habits, too. Different habits.

I rushed through Boarding-school. Skipped three grades and started my study of medicine at Harvard University at fifteen. I acquired my Bachelor of Science in half the usually needed time by seventeen. My Doctor of Medicine took also half of the time, of what is usual to graduate. So I earned my M.D by nineteen and finished my dissertation at Boston Cambridge University to achieve Doctor of Philosophy in Forensic Pathology, Physiology and Biochemistry the next year. At twenty-two, I finished my study of pathology and went on for studying forensic pathology for another two years. I spend one year at the Langley Porter Neuropsychiatric Institute studying Facial Action Coding System.

By twenty-five, I turned my back to all of this in exchange for a month of peace in Nepal. After this I went for two years working with medicines sans frontier and by twenty-seven I started my employment in San Francisco as a medical examiner and last June the Governor offered me the position as the Chief Medical Examiner of the State of Massachusetts. I am slightly sure I did not get this position just because of my high professionalism and education. While I established my reputation in San Francisco, that is not deniable, but I think my mother, Constance Isles, born and raised in one of Boston's well-known and wealthy families, had a finger in that pie.

I am drifting. Nepal. I am in awe with the high art of the spiritual rituals to create the balance of power and forces of nature. After completing my dissertation, I spent a whole month in peaceful seclusion at the Himalayan International Yoga Academy & Research Center. I practiced yoga, meditation, Pancha Karma, reflector massage, acupuncture and ayurvedic life style. I needed this time for me.

I use meditation very often. Every time I feel the need to refuel myself I spent some minutes on breathing exercises or muscle relaxation. I use yoga and jogging to release stress and tension.

"Don't," I wrap my finger around her wrists. Stopping her hands from creeping up further under my top. My eyes finding hers. I never reject her and I can see she is confused but she isn't hurt or angry. I pull her hands out and herself closer to me until she is on top.

I nuzzle my nose into her hair, breath her scent on her neck.

"I don't want to use you," I barely whisper. Her hands are on my upper arms. "I never was in a situation like that and I tend to use my sexual partner for much less than what happened today."

"What happened to 'I will always support you and take every step with you'? I am not fragile either, Maura."

I kiss the spot under her ear. "I know but I am not sure if I want to cross this line right now. I am much too comfortable with us. I don't know what will happen if I allow myself right now to suffer."

"Don't give to much importance to it. You can't scare me away that easy."

I pull her face into my sight. "I don't know how much I will hurt you, but you have to understand me."

I have to talk further before she misunderstands me.

"I used men, always. Just to get what I needed. On nights like this, when I can't feel anything but sadness, I tend to bend my own rules."

Her thumb caresses my lower lip. "What rules Maura?"

"Stern rules. I don't know if I can explain it to you to understand. I need rules. I needed rules to make sure not to lose myself."

I kiss her lips softly but briefly. "My only intention was always to have sex with them, nothing more. So I created rules. I never brought anyone into my bed. That is my own castle. I didn't have spare rooms in San Francisco so I only had sex in hotel rooms and always in a bed. I never let anyone undress me and I never stayed the night. I am always the devoted one. That changes on nights like this."

I don't know what she is thinking about me but I am afraid it is the worst. I stroke her face and intensifier our locked glance.

"No need to worry, baby." I smile at her. "I am not about to tell you that I have deviant sexual preferences."

She smiles back. "No? I am disappointed here, Maura."

"No. I am afraid I am not even what some men at work prefer to call me. They would be terribly frustrated with me."

"I can't complain about anything," she smiles. I don't know how she can stay that so easily. I thought this conversation would be getting difficult. The main point for me is to distract her from wanting to sleep with me until she understands.

"Maybe you can't complain," I answer also smiling. "I was always the receiving end," I wonder if she know what I am talking about.

She looks at me puzzled for some seconds and I can see her gears shifting.

"Oh…oh. No blowjob from the doctor."

"Jane," I swat her arm. "But no, and also no anal penetration."

"God, Maura. Don't bother about sex anymore. My libido just made a hart-stop." She mocks laughing.

"There are a lot of benefits about a…," her hand is on my mouth as fast as she can. "Don't. Just don't. That's maybe a topic for another day far into the future."

She removes her hand. "Okay, go on, but I got the point that you are not in kinky stuff, so let all the information about that just slip."

"Okay. On nights like this I am anything but devote. I tell them exactly what to do and not really the nice way."

Jane chuckles. "I am dying to see that," she laughs. "No. Joke aside. Go on."

"I love you, Jane. I love you and I already did things with you I never did before and I don't know where this will lead us tonight. Yes, I am dying to touch you right now but I am too afraid to let go. Nothing of my usually stress reduction works. "

Her facial muscles soften and she comes closer. "What do you do usually?" she asks.

"Yoga, meditation…," she kisses me. "Wait," she scoots of me and grabs my tablet.

I don't know what she is doing but I let her and after some minutes she slides between the back of the couch and me.

"How about that?" she asks and shows me my tablet. "I have no idea how that works but I am sure I know some geeky doctor who knows anything." She beams at me.

Well… I am speechless. I stare onto my tablet and have no idea who that woman beside me is anymore. Instead of being hurt or angry about my rejection or being horrified about my confessions, she is just calm and looking for a solution.

"We don't have to follow any rules, we can do what ever we like."

"Fine," she kisses me and helps me up. "Um… I don't know. It is somehow awkward but we have to get ready…"

I pull her into an embrace. "It doesn't have to be, just go upstairs. Run a bath and I'll take care of the rest," I whisper against her lips.

I have neither done that before. I am standing in our bedroom… I just can't even think of it as 'mine' anymore. Bed? That could get a bit messy. I am just about to think fuck the mattress as I have an idea.

I walk into my dresser and pull out the footstool to reach for the top of my shelves. I pull out a stack of blankets and some white sheets. I push aside the arm chairs in the bedroom and build a bed for us in front of the fireplace.

After piling up five layers of blankets and pillows, I cover everything with three sheets and position two more to the side. I light a fire and walk back into my closet to undress.

I shut down the light in the bedroom and enter the bathroom. Jane was already in the tub.

"Wow Maura, I see you picked up your birthday suite from dry cleaning," she smiles at me.

If she had brought up this idiom with me not being naked, I think I would have missed it. I step into the water and walk over to her. She immediately reaches out for my thighs and as she kisses the bone on my hip I notice where her face is.

"Spina iliaca anterior superior," I whisper. I need a familiar terrain to restrain myself. Even if my scientific facts will become mostly a sexual flavor if we play this game more often. I remember our first night and she seems to pick up that line also.

"Aponeurosis," I name the next part she kisses. "Rectus femoris. Vastus literalis. Vastus madialis. Sartorius. Tensor fasciae latae. Pectineus. Os pubis. Jane…"

She pulls me down and I straddle her, holding enough distance to not create any friction. My nose lies in the crook of her neck, our hands laced together. We just relax for half an hour.

We move slowly over to our cozy corner, holding hands. The room aflame in a soft red and orange flickering. We slowly lie down, side by side on our backs. Her right and my left hand never lose contact. We share a glance and I close my eyes.

"Just breath, slowly and rhythmic," I whisper.

I can hear the crackle form the behind us, every time a splinter of wood bursts under the withering power of the fire and I can see in my mind's eye the flames licking her merciless way inside the gift of mother nature.

I can hear the beat of my own heart, slowly dying down. I can feel her hot skin where our hands touch. I can hear her breath, evens out with mine.

I turn on my left side. The fingertips of my right hand touching faintly the skin over her heart.

"Breath deep and slowly," I whisper. The moment she inhales I let my finger slowly slide down to her navel, barely touching her. With her exhaling I move the same path upwards again. I repeat my motion until she shivers.

I take her left hand and turn her until we are face to face. I only use my index and middle finger and start at her forehead and gently slide along her facial bones. She mirrors my movements.

Our faces are just inches away. I sense her hot breath on my skin, more than I can feel the heat from the fire. My whole body tingles with every touch of her. Our glances permanently connected.

She lifts herself up and comes to sit on her heels. I emulate her deeds and our knees touching sidewise. I scoot my hands up, half her forearm and wrap my fingers around them. Bending my upper body my nose touches her abs.

I stroke her skin up to her throat and my upper body meets little by little the places my nose left before. I pull back and repeat my move and wait for her to do the same.

With my next turn I also use my lips to caress her skin. Every just so slightly urge to overpower and dominate her has left. I just want to feel her.

Suddenly she is behind me and lowers me face first onto the sheets and her hands wet with the almond oil I had prepared into a porcelain dish touch the back of my neck. Jane starts with lightly caresses of her fingertips and moves in slow motion over every inch of my skin. Arriving at my ankles she starts over, this time firmer, massaging, with both hands on the same place.

She turns me over and sits down on her heels over my head. The tips of her finger are slightly pressing into my skin on both sides of my neck. Circuiting movements. She moves down to my shoulders, while her fingers continue her motions on my front her thumbs are pressing into the backside of me.

Her flat hands slides down my sternum, she avoids my breasts and moves further down, her palms stroking my sides, her fingers presses into my back and her thumbs are stroking my abdomen. She takes her time.

The mixture of crackle from the fire, the rustle from the sheets, the scent from the massage oil and the fragrance of lavender from her and her touches put my senses into overdrive. I arched my back, pulling my shoulder towards my hips. My legs are slightly bent and only four part of me are touching the blankets anymore. My feet are flat pressed onto our bed, my bottom, the top of my skull and the back of my hands.

Anything else is attracted to her hands, like she use a magical trick to control my body. Her left index finger rubs slowly up and down over my stretched throat.

I am still in the same position as she kneels down between my legs and starts to caress and massage my hips. I can not longer hold a moan. I do not remember why I did ever consider letting her fucking me brainless.

Leaving my calves, she dips her left hand into the oil again and rubs her palms together. Both of her index fingers circling around my breasts. She flattens out her hands and moved them lightly up and down, as she tries to rub them warm.

I hiss every time her scars meeting my nipples, hard as surgical steel. She knows perfectly well what it does to me. Forever being etched into my memory the gift of my first orgasm with her.

Her left index writes 'I love you' onto my skin downwards. Everything is on fire and I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

Her finger starts in the fold where legs meets torso and she gently draws lower. Light pressure on my thighs, her thumbs stroking my inner legs.

She draws circles on my pubis and her thumbs spread slightly press down and strokes up and down my labia majora. Her finger tips move further down to my mons veneris.

As her thumbs touches my perineum, I am about to lose it. The last one who tried to touch me there was close to catch a resounding slap. I feel anything but the needs to hit her.

The moan slipping over my lips causes her to lean over me and kissing the lower side of my belly button. Then she hovers over me and we share a long and tender kiss.

I wrap my fingers around her biceps, roll us over and come to sit on her pelvis. I dip my left fingers into the oil filled bowl and rub it into my hands. Wrapping my fingers around her neck, I press my thumbs under her chin and slowly run up and down her throat. Trace over every visual bone with my index each on one side of her front. Let my finger tips tickle over every inch of her skin and turn her around.

Instead of massaging her backside I start to work a mound of the almond oil onto my own body and let her watching me. Doing it slowly and sensual mostly for Jane's enjoyment.

I start kissing her calves and thighs, slowly scooting with my own skin higher. Spending a mount of time kissing and caressing her incredible bottom cheeks, I work my way up lightly sucking and licking over every vertebra until I am fully on top of her.

I take Jane's hands and spread our arm straight on both sides, my palms on the back of her hands lacing fingers together. Taking time just to rest on her until our breaths are in a steady and consentaneous rhythm.

Once our bodies are in harmony I slide slowly up breath, inhaling and down again, exhaling. My lips touching the back of her left ear.

"How are you feeling, baby?" I whisper.

"Intoxicated," she breathes back and I kiss her ear.

"I want to try something new," my voice barely audibly. I can feel her chuckle.

"God bless you Maura. I am so tired of always the same stuff." We both laugh at her dripping wet sarcasm. "Let me turn, please. I want to kiss the gorgeous shit out of you."

I lift on my arms and tiptoes off of her and she pulls me immediately back and a lot of sensual kisses follow.

As we sit up, I pull her right leg over my left and my right one over her left. Now our sexes are able to touch. I take her hands in mine and start to massage her palms with my thumbs.

I kiss her right ear. "I want us to breath in turns. When you inhale tense up the muscles in your bottom and thighs and relax them when you exhale," I whisper.

Just starting the first turn I inhale slowly and tense my muscles. Feeling the mound of wetness from both of us I sense the highly erotically facet as my clit slowly slides over hers. Still massaging her palms and gently kissing we easily enter into a state of trance and accordance with our motions.

Oh yes! This is so much better than a quick fuck. Concentrating on breathing we sway slowly higher and higher. I place her palms on my chest over my heart and mirror it over hers. The closer we get the more we lose our alternate breathing. But that doesn't matter anymore.

I feel her start to shiver and as if my body was waiting for a signal, I match her. Heavy breaths and moans are mingling into the rooms noises. Locking glances, we both come for the first time looking consciously into the other's eyes. And I will never miss that again.

 

**Aponeurosis – muscle in abdomen**

**Rectus femoris. Vastus literalis. Vastus madialis. Sartorius. Pectineus – muscles in thigh**

**Tensor fasciae latae – hip muscle, lateral**

**Os pubis – pubic bone**

**Jane – what did she do? xD**

 

 


	18. Sympathy for the devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a very sensible issue. I am standing back from judging about this upcoming problem. This is only MY sight of affairs. If I offend someone with dealing about this issue, please feel free to contact me. Note – this is not a warning about one of our beloved character's dying.
> 
> Mistakes are on me
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

**_I feel her start to shiver and as my body was waiting for a signal I match her. Heavy breaths and moans are mingling into the rooms noises. Locking glances, we both come for the first time looking conscious into the others eyes. And I will never miss that again._ **

Jane's POV

 

I had tried a lot to talk myself out of it. Having my mother sitting on your neck is bad enough, but having her federalized with the woman that has you wrapped around her damn finger since the first week you have know her, is more than hard.

So I didn't really have a choice. Shopping with my mother! Actually shopping for a birthday gift for me, hell my birthday was nine month ago, but I managed to avoid it at every opportunity until now.

Now, however I am standing with my mother in a damn 'boutique' and fitted in one dress after another. And oh my god, they were sooooo awful.

Why in hell does my mother have to pretend that I’m all girly? I mean, I am a girl, but dressing like Maura isn't something I can do all the time. I am married to my job and I spend the most of my time with my beloved wife, so my clothes are perfectly fitting to her needs.

I need comfort clothes, clothes I can run in, clothes I can jump over fences in, clothes I can slide over hoods in, clothes I can tackle down a man in.

Hell, I can't even suppress a grin as I put on my next dress. I have to think about running all dressed up, like Maura, after a man twice my size. The perp would give up freely, 'cause he would pee his pants laughing about me.

Running in a skin-tight dress on four inch heels, wielding my damn designer purse after him. Or me, rummaging in that damn purse in need of my gun. 'Stop Boston Police, oh sorry, just wait a moment please. I can't find my gun in there, damn it was right beneath my make-up, left beside from my manicure-set'. The Hell!

Or maybe I should just wear my gun around my leg, pulling up my dress around my hips, showing off my lacy thong while reaching for my weapon. Korsak and Frost would have a lot of fun.

I would never break a case again, 'cause instead of talking in the interrogation room the perp would just be drooling all over the table, having a free-to-look sight into my dress down my chest. No! Just no!

If I wear a dress, it has to be my decision. My mother forced me into enough dresses when I was too young to defend myself.

"That's beautiful," my mother beams.

Beautiful? That dress is as nasty as all I've tried before. No. It's worse. It reaches just down to my knees and has pink flowers and dark green leafs on it, the pink band around it, under my breasts, is nearly as ugly as the drape around the cleavage. Oh boy my mother has no sense of what fits me.

"Yeah, if you're a farmer's wife. Ma come on. My next birthday is already in about three month, screw that present. It's fine."

She looks at me, head slightly bent to her right shoulder. "Well, we're not leaving until we find something we both like."

I sent her a death glare and turn around. Stomping off towards the fitting room "Did you bring food and water?" I ask her, this could grow a long day.

She laughs and waves another dress in front of me. "Do me a favour. Try this one. Every girl needs an LBD."

"Not me! I got vaccinated." I have to get out of that granny-dress, NOW. I get in the black one. Only two more dresses left, after that I need some food until she drags me into the next shop.

"Come on! Let me see it," Ma pushes. "Wow! That is one stunning little black dress," my mother breathes as I walked out. "And… Jane. You look beautiful."

Wow. Well no way out Rizzoli. That one is nice.

"Mom, where am I gonna wear this? A murder at the Boston pops?" I can think of some occasions to wears this, but this involves only one person and that is definitively not my mother.

"Okay, we're not leaving until we buy it."

I can't deny that I like it. "Okay, okay. Fine! Get the damn dress. It'll look fabulous in my closet."

Ma smiles cheekily. "Thank you."

As I turn towards the fitting room my phone went off. Frost. He's on his way to a crime scene and gives me all information's I need. I rush to the scene and arrive at the same time as Maura.

Damn. I am sure she does this on purpose. I nearly drool all over my shirt as I watch her car sliding to a halt. The door opens in a nearly perfect angle of 45 degrees. Her left foot touches the damn asphalt and I can see her calves muscles flex under the border of her door. Her foot turns from parallel to the door to heel towards her car. She slides elegantly out of her car and her right calve emerged behind the door.

She takes a full step aside with her left foot and her right ends up only on her heel in front of the left. She let the door snap close. Dark-blue dress, ending just above her knees, fabric belt with a silver ring resting on her belly button. Thin grey coat, as long as her dress. Her badge dangling, with every move slightly slapping against her left breast. Carrying proudly her designer medicine bag.

Reaching up to set my sunglasses onto my head I admire the queen walking up to the crime scene. The asphalt should melt underneath her as she comes down onto her knees and bent over the victim. If it would be illegal to be sexy she would be locked up for a thousand years, if that would be enough to do her justice.

My thoughts about her come to a hard stop as I look at the young boy on the floor. I love my job, I really do, but it is a real shame that every time it brings a tragedy with it. A life wasted. Blown out, mostly without a second thought. Grieving parents, lovers, children, friends and families.

My heart aches, the poor boy wasn't even allowed to grow up to a man, maybe never tasted love for once, would never escort a beloved one onto a dancefloor, the dancefloor which is just the redecorated, frowsy school gym at his prom.

Now he was lying onto the cold ground in a messy alley, next to a dumpster. The only thing that might be a brighter part of this bleak moment will be that the last person to touch him is the love of my life. The most gentle, tender, soulful human being, addicted to disclose the last secrets with him together.

Maura can't find any obvious injury, like he just crashed down, being dead. My thoughts are being disturbed from the most triggering voice these days.

"I can promise you that we are working tirelessly for justice in this case."

"But as you know, uh, Boston has some of the ..."

I look down. There is a young boy, dead and some freaks, inclusive our new Lieutenant having nothing better to do than posing and hunting for reputation. Things like that make me furious and I am not the one to bottle up this kind of feelings.

"Tirelessly," I repeated his word sarcastically and smile at Maura.

She turns her head. "Shh! Somebody might hear you."

"I wonder if that guy has, like, a satellite for the news van. No he's not a cop. All right? He's a police officer. He's a climber. He's an ass."

Maura looks up again. "Well, he's got a lot of pulp."

"Juice. We say 'Guy's got juice'."

"And you are gonna be drinking yours out of a sippy cup if you don't lower your voice," Maura hissed and the last half is whispered sternly.

I know she is thinking the same as me, but she is a lot of too polite. I don't think she has even the words to hurt someone.

Maura turns the body gently to the left and to the right side. Visually examine. "There are no knife wounds. No bullet entry or exit wounds. No external sign of trauma to indicate a beating."

Frost walks up holding out a backpack and a wallet. "Wasn't killed for his stuff. His school ID."

Mathias Senna. Only fifteen damn years old. I take another frustrated look towards the dead boy. "I'm never having kids."

Kids. I laughed into my self. I never thought about having kids. I can't see myself as a pregnant whale, playing the housewife as the devote 'honeybunch' of a man, coming home from work, pecking my lips and asking for his dinner.

But on the other hand I never imagined Maura at my side, well that's not the whole truth, but I never saw it happening. The sudden image of a little 'Maura' boy or girl running around and driving me nuts with fun-facts, Google-talk and healthy food melts my heart into a puddle.

_Two things! One: You are not equipped to get her pregnant, Rizzoli, and two: Get a grip on it, there’s a murder to solve._

The arrogant voice of Grant starlet me. How does this asshole manage to turn the day after a beautiful night with Maura anytime into my personal nightmare? I should be relaxed and happy although we have right now a case of truly sadness in front of us. But I am not. I am frustrated, angry, furious.

He figuratively lifted his leg and tryed to piss all over my crime scene. Hell, who does he think he is? I’ve handled scenes before. I solved a lot of cases before. I don't need a watch dog and I really don't need some ass-licker who tells me how my job works.

"That went well," I hear Maura's voice, slightly sarcastically.

"Find something, Maura." I beg her, shooting her a pleading glance.

Back at the HQ Frost and I accompany Mathias’s mother identifying her son. He looks like he is just taking a nap. She prays, saying his name over and over and I can see it breaks Frost’s heart just as it breaks mine.

It is hard to lose someone you love, but it must be the worst for a mother to bury her child. I can't even imagine what it feels like. It's not natural to watch your children dying ahead of you. You give them the gift of life to watch them grow up, fall in love, getting married maybe, maybe having children of their own and you die with the knowledge of having left imprints in this world.

But you are not supposed to look at your dead baby-boy. I ask myself often if it is harder to lose your only-child or if it always feels the same. She lost her baby today, her only baby and I ask myself what she's thinking. Will she has to have the strength to move on. To wake up every morning after today and just live.

While I watch her I am sure she just died in front of me. The only question left in the room is, will she face a life walking dead or will it be worthless for her to even waste the oxygen she could save for other humans to breath.

It is always a small grade. In the past I thought different about suicide. I thought these people were just cowards; selfish, weak and juvenile. My work between light and darkness, my own hard learned lessons changed this unworldly view of affairs.

Sometimes in your life you happen to experience things you don't know if you are able to survive. If it's worth to face another day. Things, that will let ask yourself if you are able to bring up the strength to move on. I was once there in my life.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and ask myself how it is possible, that for the one freak you locked away, two new ones seem to creep out of hell.

I take a step forward and put my hand on Mrs. Senna's back, close my right hand around her wrist and lead her away from her son towards a room were she can calm down a bit. Calm down when your baby-boy is laying in a cold storage three levels beneath you? How insane!

She shares photos of Mathias with us. A sweet boy. A lovely boy. A charming boy. He was a good student and he loved skateboarding. All of this can't apparently stop your divorced parents to fight over you. To hate the one you once loved. The one that was once part of creating another life together with you.

Maura is on the edge, she can't find out the boy's cause of death. She is so damn brilliant but things like that let her ego shrink to a point as if it’s not even there anymore. She tries desperately to find anything for Mathias, for me to nail his murder. He could be poisoned, or suffocated or died from many other causes.

She found evidences of an exorcism. Exorcism? Hello? Where are we? In middle-age?

She really is desperate, she even asked me if I think Grant is sexy? Did I miss anything?

For the first time she shares a detail from her youth with me. Maura-the-bora. Really? How lame is that? I want to kiss her face all over and tell her that everything will be fine again.

Having children obviously doesn't stop people from being fools also. I'm having great respect for every decision someone does in their life. I respect every kind of religion unless it cut into humans rights or is used to bleed people dry.

Father Cocoon is obviously one of this spineless contemporaries and he is much too arrogant for his own good.

If I hadn't felt with my own hands that she is flesh and blood I could really believe Maura is some cyborg. She seems to speak every damn language on this planet. I really love her but sometimes she's driving me nuts. And the scumbag of a priest has the balls to threat me.

Mathias father confirms our fears that 'Father Cocoon' conned Mrs. Senna out of all her money. She's really suffering. Korsak also finds out that the father won the parents fight about custody. That theoretically eliminates one suspect. It was really a nasty custody battle between Mathias’s parents. Poor boy!

As Frost leaves to check some things, my worst nightmare happens. My girlfriend and my mother enter the bullpen, both grinning. That's never a good sign.

My mother declares she brought my new dress that I am going to wear to a dinner next day whereof I never knew anything about. Maura looks at me like I have shot Bass. Her surprise is turning into exiting as my mother pulls out THE DRESS in the middle of my work-place and they both got all experts over the piece of cloth. Discussing the fabric and details and stuff I don't even know you have to KNOW about a damn dress. HELLO? THIS IS EMBARRASSING.

But minutes later she makes it all up to me, getting all childish about my peanut butter-fluff-sandwich I share with her and all cool as we talk about nicknames in gangs. She doesn't even have a clue how cute she is.

Frost and I go for a visit in the skate-park and my partner goes all bad-ass as he gives 'Cruncher' beans. The gang-leader blames the odd church for 'Olli's' aka Mathias death. Man, I never saw Frost this furious. I also think this church is evil, but that's not enough to get a warrant and also not enough to nail someone for murder.

Time for a break, get my head clear. I collected Maura in her office and we made our way to the lot where our cars are parked. All tox screens and micro reports come back negative and we are running out of ideas. We are both absorbed in our conversation that I have to listen two times before I really notice the odd sound coming from the place my unmarked is standing.

My hand is automatically on my gun and the other shoves Maura back behind me. I am straight in detective-mode. I circle slowly the car, highly alerted. Snakes, fucking damn snakes in my car.

After another initially unpleasant encounter with Grant this time, he at least trusts me and my intuition.

Oh, Maura emerges downstairs and she has a damn short skirt covering nearly nothing of her thighs. How I am supposed to work watching this? She's looking at me with a sardonic smile on her lips as I sip my coffee.

"I thought you might need a reminder to hurry up tonight with your dinner," she says matter-of-factly.

Dinner, oh yeah that. I had already suppressed it again. Dinner with the Solernos instead of spending my rare time with Maura. Sometimes I feel like a small child, my mother always meddling into my life.

Like we decided, we are going to visit the church and just arriving the right time we took part of a ceremony. Maura spend two years with 'doctors without borders' in Dakar. Holy shit! I think I don't know anything about that woman, asides from the obvious.

The ceremony is odd. Insane, frightening and holy fuck, what is it with all those fuckers trying to kill my girlfriend these days. A Molotov-cocktail made its way through the window and Frost takes down 'Skater Crusher' but I still don't think he killed Mathias. But and that's a real big but, I am furious at him for bringing Maura and a lot of other innocent people in danger.

I, again, forgot about damn dinner. I ask Frost to call my mom while I made my way to the parking lot, change in the car and speed towards my parents home. I stop at a gas station for some flowers. My Ma is still cooking when I enter. I apologise and walk up to dinning room.

What the fuck? Joe fucking Grant is the only one in the damn room, all dressed up. That's a damn nightmare. I must be dreaming.

Everything is fine, Jane, calm down. You are just dreaming. You just need to wake up and scoot a little to feel Maura's naked skin. Yesterday was just too much. Am I too exhausted to wake up? Okay Rizzoli you need more sleep, obviously.

I turn around and back away into the kitchen again. Oh yes, I am NOT dreaming. My mother set me up with my boss. She set me up, again. I need to soothe myself. I want to shake her and tell her what Maura and I did last night in every damn detail and after that I will tell her that we did exactly the same the last two weeks together.

Oh my god. What shall I do? I have to talk to Maura. I really love us to be able to enjoy our relationship but this shit has to end. Okay, I walk back in there, have dinner with him, just talk a bit. We know each other since we've been five years old and he's my damn fucking boss.

We start talking without sitting down. This is so awkward. All I want is run, run into the morgue and cry on Maura's shoulder. After some minutes we relax a bit, sit down and have a nice talk until he let slip a dumb comment.

I grab the flowers I brought, the bottle of red wine which would be better off with Maura and leave. Making my way back to the HQ. She's sitting at the desk in the morgue, checking up the results of Mathias tox-screens.

"What are you doing here?"

"Gee Maura I am also happy to see you too," I answer mockingly.

She immediately stands and comes over to me, taking my hands her eyes roaming over me.

"You are gorgeous," she whispers before gently kissing me.

"I stole my Mother’s the wine before I bunked off."

While she took two glasses out of a cupboard she glances over her shoulder. "What happened?"

"It was so funny… She set me up with no one other than Joe 'my boss' Grant. Can you believe that?"

She just laughed hearty. "She just loves you."

"Yeah, if she loves me so much why trying to hand me off to that creep."

"I don't think he's a creep. It just comes out of him when he's around you because he wants to impress you. It's mating behaviour," she smiles.

"Jeez Maura, you're trying to sell me to him? That's not funny."

Maura slowly walks up to me and press my butt slightly into the autopsy table. "Why not? I am not afraid of being ruled out by a Joe Grant. I can clearly see why he wants to impress you," she whispers, her breath hot into my ear.

Boy, this damn skirt is running me hot and her voice isn't doing anything to make that better. She is slightly hoarse today. So much deeper than usual plus her visible state of arousal which turns her voice as a rule some notes huskier. I have to watch out or she will end up with her back on the table or her own desk.

"I think we should leave," I whisper.

She nods. "I need some minutes to tidy up everything."

"We have to stop at my apartment, I need some fresh clothes."

"Go ahead and stay there, I'll drive home and feed Bass, get some clothes and come over. I’ll even bring some food and more wine," she smiles against my lips. I have to leave now or there is no more proper behaviour at work.

After a shower I am looking over all the pictures about our case with a beer, waiting for Maura. One of the pictures slides out of my hand and as I bend down to pick it up there is blood on the floor.

What the heck? I grab my gun and follow slowly the drops of blood on my floor, across my whole living room into my kitchen. It feels like my heart stops as I see Mathias lying there in a pool of blood running out of his head.

Just as my first shock is about to wear of he opens his eyes and holds out a purple flower towards me. A loud crash of splitting glass wakes me up. Just a dream, just another dream!

I walk slowly over to my kitchen and in the middle of it are thousand splinters of glass.

The vase with the purple flowers I bought at the gas station had just magically made its way from 4 feet high and a minimum of double the length away onto the floor in the middle of my kitchen. Another dream?

No, that's not a dream. I hear the door unlock and Maura enters. Jo is lying in her basket. Damn that's frightening. She tries to calm me. I tell her about my dream and ask her to run one more test with Mathias. Even if I just think I might be getting insane I mention the purple flower he was holding.

She immediately walked over towards my notebook and activates her files, looking at her photos from Mathias. "Monkshood is a purple flowering plant that grows in Boston," she states.

"It is poisonous?" I ask even if I knew the answer already.

"Yes, and it works very quickly and it's extremely hard to detect. But I can try," she looks worried up to me.

I steady myself with my arms against the counter. Why is she wearing her coat in here?

"Give me your coat, Maura."

She shakes her head. "No, its fine."

"Just gimme your coat Maura, that's ridiculous."

"I…," she trails off and starts to unbutton her coat. "I wasn't expecting…" She looks around my kitchen. "This…"

She pulls off her garment and wears only a white, silky negligee underneath. "Maybe you can give me something to wear," she whispers shyly.

"Are you cold?"

"No."

"Than there is no need to dress," I walk over to her and kiss her gently. "I'll grab a glass for you and we can switch over to the couch."

We lay on the couch in our usually sleeping position in silence, for a long while.

"Did you mean what you said on the crime scene?" she asks silently.

"Sorry, but I said a lot yesterday, you have to ask more detailed," I may have an idea what she is about to ask but I don't want to jump on the wrong train.

She sighed, as she was preparing herself for a hard task or something. "You said… you never want kids."

Now it was out in the open. Here we are, having the kids talk barely one month into our relationship and I am afraid that we will have too many different sentiments about things like that.

"Difficult…," I answer carefully. "I never thought about kids before, but what I said at the crime scene wasn't really… it was much more a statement about…"

I took a deep breath. "Okay let me start again. After I said it at the crime scene I thought for a moment about it, for the first time in my life. I was amazed how nice it felt to think of watching a mini-you running around and driving me nuts."

I felt her chuckle. "I thought more of a mini-you driving me crazy and causing trouble all day long."

"Hey, I am not causing trouble the whole day long," I mocked playfully.

"Oh I bet you were a whirlwind causing trouble, unwittingly," she laughed whole heartily. "Do you think it's odd that we talk about things like that this early?"

I take both of her hands. "Does it feel odd?"

"No," she stated.

"See, I don't think this is odd. Who says when it's the right time to talk about things like children or marriage? It would probably be odd to discuss how to get pregnant yet, but…"

She turns in my arms and her nose touches mine. "We both knowing ways to get pregnant," she whispers.

I missed her playful banter totally. "Yes but one of us is missing som…," she cuts me off with a deep kiss and her voice is barely a whisper.

"But we could try…"

When Maura comes upstairs the next morning and confirms that Mathias was poisoned with Monkshood and I research the flower in our database I remember where I have seen this flower before.

I have to choose my words really carefully to make Maura not breakout in hives as we try to convince Mathias’s stepmother to confess she poisoned the boy.

It is hard to stand by and watch how a whole life goes to hell and the emotional outburst of Mathias father will hunt me for a while and will take years to fade.

I know Maura is confused and overwhelmed with the emotions she witnessed, so I agree to drive home alone and let her go back into her office, finishing reports. She needs her alone-time just now.

It is raining cats and dogs and when I stop my car in front of my building Joe Grant is sitting on my steps. I walk over to him and also sit down.

He tells me that he got a new job in D.C.

It is odd, we never came along all this years but suddenly I have the strange sense of losing a friend. We sit in the rain and laugh about things back in school and he apologise for names he called me.

It is much easier to let go of things you dislike when you are about to see the person never again.

Then he tries to kiss me.

I didn't really saw that coming. I press my left hand against his chest.

"My heart belongs to someone," are the last words I whisper before I stand and walk through my door, letting him behind in the rain.

 

 


	19. She works hard for the money

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me. 
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

**_"My heart belongs to someone," are the last words I whisper before I stand and walk through my door, letting him behind in the rain._ **

Maura's POV

The past three days were a split between horror and pure joy. After we closed the case of Mathias Senna, Jane was only on paperwork and I had another case with Detective Crowe and Detective Foster, it wasn't a difficult case with so much of evidence.

What costs most of my nerves the whole three days long was Dr. Pike. This man is simply annoying. I am not normally someone who easily judges about other humans but I really don't know how this man ever passed an university and his exam to become a doctor.

As the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts I am responsible for all pathologists in the whole state, to supervise, to monitor, to check their reports and to sign them off.

This man is reckless, incapable, absent-minded, tardy. I had to drive the whole one and a half hour to Holyoke to work over his reports with him and to review his last two autopsies. Well, that gave me at least the opportunity to work at my anger about Joe Grant trying to kiss Jane.

Well I can't blame him for the desire to do so, actually. That doesn't mean I have to like it. I never knew an emotion like jealousy and I either don't know why I felt this anyway.

I was emotionally exhausted after witnessing what happened related to the imprisonment of Mathias stepmother and coming home to Jane and hearing what happened on her front stairs didn't help.

I don't doubt Jane or her feelings for me. Neither did I doubt her honesty about what exactly happened but that didn't kept my rage at bay. I didn't let her know how this affected me but I am sure she sensed it anyway.

After coming home each of the past days she waited for me with a surprise. And those surprises made the better halves of my days.

The evening Joe Grant happened she had drawn a bath, had lit candles in her bathroom and two glasses of the red wine I brought the last time ready for us. Her tub isn't as nearly big as mine but that was far from disappointing. She had ordered my favourite Mexican food which we enjoyed afterwards with another glass of wine on her couch.

After closing the Crowe/Foster case she picked me up for dinner in a French restaurant, knowing exactly that she doesn't like the food that much. So I got the opportunity to undo that sexy black dress she had bought with her mother and wearing it again that night, which distracted me the whole time through our dinner.

Yesterday after coming home from Holyoke she had dinner ready and we stayed the whole night on the couch with wine, a movie and a lot of sweet kisses.

I know I am impinging against my own rule about no work in bed but I can't help myself tonight. Jane lies on her stomach, sound asleep and I am laying half on her back, slowly drawing random pattern on her skin with my fingertips.

Thinking about the girl gunned down at one of the best universities in the country this morning.

Two centimetre in diameter, singular gunshot wound in the mid chest. Jane guesses for a nine-millimetre bullet. I think she's right but guessing is all hers, not mine. A foreign hair on her body. Anterior inferior tibiofibular syndesmotic ligament ruptured.

I kiss her skin between her shoulder blades. My left leg is between hers, my pelvis pressed against her right bottom cheek. I watch my hand on her back. My pale skin against her Mediterranean.

Light and dark. Black and white. Night and day. North and south. Ying and Yang. Oppositional but attracted to each other like magnets.

I don't know why she is sometimes so insecure. Today was one of those days. She told me that she regrets some things in her life. That she didn't go to college and I sensed the sadness in some trivial things she had said. As she mentioned the ABC party and the library, for example.

I know she is very smart and not only street-smart. I think she is very intelligent but she doesn't give herself enough credit. I wish I could do anything to show her how I see her.

I let the tip of my nose sliding over her spine as far as I can without moving.

"I feel guilty for taking a break, we don't have a solid lead," Jane whispers suddenly.

"We might. I got the lab results back from that hair sample I found on Danielle. It's synthetic. From a toupee."

Jane shivers. "Danielle was selling herself to a guy with a plastic rug? Ugh!"

"Maybe he took it off, you know, during…"

She shivers again. "God, a child at the college of her dreams and she's turning tricks."

"To stay. She lost her scholarship. She was trying to pay for school."

"How about a loan? Hell, some people even flip burgers."

I shake my head. "Not possible. There are only 8760 hours in a year and to pay for school she needed to work 9500 hours."

Jane snorts. "You are defending her. Your fancy French boarding school warped your young mind."

"In Europe woman make all kinds of arrangements with men. And both parties get what they need. No shame, no pimps, no victims. I'm sure it was terrible for Danielle to resort to that."

"She had other choices."

"Apparently she didn't think so. She couldn't go to her father."

Jane's face turned even sadder than it was before. "What is it?" I ask her.

"You are right. H… her father was very upset that he couldn't keep her in that school without scholarship."

There is a long silence between us.

"Would you…?" She asks me suddenly whispering.

"The question didn't arise. I don't know… I don't think so," I answer her truthfully. I never needed to ask myself such a question.

"I was okay with casual sex but selling yourself is another case." I whisper.

I sense that she is absorbed in thoughts. I let the tip of my left index finger draw along the bone of her left shoulder blade.

"Did you know that there is a nerve right under the levator scapulae that leads all the way down to the pelvic floor?" I whisper hoarsely while I follow the way of this nerve on her skin. As she hisses I scoot on top of her and bite gently into the named tendon at her neck.

"Why do all medical facts sounds suddenly so dirty from your mouth?" Jane whispers in reply.

I move her hair in direction of her right shoulder and kiss her neck slowly a fiew times before moving over to her ear.

"Maybe it was supposed to sound that way," I smile against her skin.

My hands stroking up her sides, my fingertips touching lightly the swells of her breasts, moving over the skin of her arms we intertwine our fingers on the pillow above her head.

I love caressing her skin with my nose and I just did that, all over her neck, her jaw, her shoulders.

I lose my hands and she grabs the outsides of her pillow while mine wanders underneath her, cupping her breasts. While massaging them softly I gently rock my hips against her bottom. Kissing and softly sucking the skin at her neck.

It is somehow complicated to make love to each other at the same time if your partner and you are opposite handed. Face to face is in fact rather laborious and ended often in a fit of laughter between us.

I love being able to laugh with her, even while we are intimate. I can't imagine laughing with one of my former lover's or one-night-stands while having sex. It was much more a bit awkward if something like a misunderstanding happened before.

My right stroke down towards her hips. Back to front is one of the best opportunities for us for having a mutual orgasm. Just as she has sensing my thoughts her left hand is begging for entrance between our pressed-up bodies.

We both hiss at the first contact. I will never become attuned to her touch. Anytime it is like an electric shock. We don't go every time for penetrating each other, rather the other way around. Mostly we both prefer body contact. I never cared what people say and care even lesser if people would consider our intimacy as 'real sex' or not.

Even my most skilled lover never let me climax like I do on Jane's thigh or abs and the best equipped of them never reached places her fingers had touched. I bit my lips.

"Do you have any idea how often I asked myself how your beautiful fingers would feel inside me," I whisper directly into her ear. With a move of my hip I welcome her into me and mirror the motion to her.

With our hand practically trapped and me on top of her it is my turn to set the pace and I want her as long as possible. I roll my hip only gently and in the same move every time I take her fingers deeper inside me, I press her onto mine.

Never stopping the attention her neck received from me, soon the air is filled with softly sighs and low moans from both of us.

I never appraised any sexual orientation as less valuable or more worthwhile but I also never thought something could leave me in such awe.

In the past it was fun to be the reason for some erections without doing anything further than walk by. Fun, that's it. Now it is pride, boosting my ego, stroking my soul without being smug about it.

Goosebumps, raising hairs, dilatation of pupils, shivers, increased breathes, hyper sensitive skin, erected nipples, a mound of soft wetness. All what is needed for it is a single whisper of me and it burst my heart into million pieces.

I feel like I could literally cry every time I cause all this reactions out of Jane. I don't know if this is a normal reaction, because there is nothing for me to compare with but I like it, I love it, I am addicted to it.

I am tumbling along the edge and I feel Jane tighten around me harder with every move. Hearing the low and deep moan of my name with much more letters than usual, vibrating trough her throat was all it took for me to lose the last bit of control that I had. My orgasm flashes through me. Wave after wave of pleasure roll over me, a loud moan, a whisper of her name, another moan. Feeling the shiver climbing from my core up my spine.

Somehow I end up across the bed. The back of my head presses against the side of the frame, my legs bend and a black mass of hair between them.

I actually never asked Jane if she was with a woman ever before but in regard of our first night and how skilful she seemed I doubt somehow that I am her first. Ok she said something like she isn't even really gay but the sudden thought of Jane with another woman left a taste of bile on my tongue.

I don't know why but I know I like this sentimental bubble we have, a lot more. I don't want to be her second or third or worse. I want to be her first.

I know this all is terrible gooey and cliché but she is my first for nearly everything and I want her to be my last. I want all of her, forever. I want her to move in with me and staying every night… move… darn.

I didn't know I had spoken the last word out loud. She stops kissing my thigh and looks up.

"What is it?"

How do you explain that? 'Hi baby, while you where kissing me down there I thought about packing boxes and…' Well, busted.

"Don't ask me, why but there is something I totally forgot and I remembered it just now and I would understand if…"

She smiles. "You are rambling Maura. Just tell me."

"Do you remember that I told you I was looking for a new place, while you where in hospital? The day we started… as a couple they accepted my bid. I don't know how I could forget that but I have and I remembered it just yet."

She smiles again. "So, you totally forgot that you bought the house you where head over heels with and you never stopped talking about a whole week long? Wow, I knew I was good but that good."

I couldn't help my self but start laughing whole-hearted. I swat her arm. "You are so humble, Detective."

"That means you'll have to move one day in the near future and …," I pull her on top of me and kiss her.

"Yes I do and I want you to come with me and help me to furnish. I want us to do it together. I want you to feel as home as possible."

I turn us around and come to sit on her belly, whispering directly into her ear. "And yes you are that good and I want us to move in there together."

Out in the open. I didn't want to voice it again but I did it. Her hands are on the side of my hips, her fingertips caressing my bottom cheeks.

"How do we tell them? I can't just walk into the bullpen and say 'Hi Guys I am moving in with Maura into her new house' or blurt it out at Sunday dinner."

"Our and no, you don't have to tell anybody. You can just stay registered at you apartment for a while until we want to tell everybody."

"I have to sell it if I am going to pay my half…"

"No you don't have to pay anything. Let's not go there. I paid for it already. I would have bought it anyway, with or without you. I want you and nothing else."

I kiss her gently. "I mean it Jane. I am very capable to take care of myself, in terms of money. You can care about the rest. If you want we can work on a compromise about sharing expenses, because I know you are not comfortable with feeling not equivalent but you are so much more to me than money ever will be."

I kiss her again. "You love me like I am. You let me feel loved, you care about me. You make these walls a home for me, you let me in and you let me love you back and I am grateful for that."

She just smiles brightly. "What?" I ask her.

"I didn't say anything. You are thinking way too much Maura. Yes, there will be days when I might have a problem with your wealthy but if you think I am going to run just because you are quite the catch you don't know me very well. I've overcome with all this things a while ago. Loving you means loving all of you and there could be much worse than a bunch of money and a royalty education." She grins.

She sits up and kisses my neck. "There was someone asking me today how much for a party with me. Thanks to my mothers pimpmobile. He called me 'vanilla bitch'," she laughs.

"Maybe… if you ever get tired of chasing murders… I would pay a lot…," I whisper.

"Three to five," she whispers back.

"Hundred, that's too low-priced…"

"Years, Dr. Isles. Years. In prison. You would like that, wouldn't you? Being my sugar-mommy?" she laughs low.

"Yes…," I hiss as she softly bites my pulse point. "I would pay every price for you."

Her hands are pressing my hips firmer towards her abdomen as my phone beeps. I am anything but interested in who or what it is as long as my ring-tone for dispatch is not asking for me.

I stop her before she can reach for it.

"Nuh uh… your hands are not leaving my body until it is an emergency and if it is one, they will call," I whisper and pull her in for a kiss.

_& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&& R&I &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

After reading my message from the lab and discovering that the plastic piece from the crime scene was indeed from a computer I had to capture her in bed. She would have been up, driving over to BCU and wait in front of the shop until opening.

Jane was awake at 5:30 am sharp. After a cup of coffee together she was on her way towards the campus meeting there with her partner.

Jane and Frost brought the campus officer in, the one that had called the crime in, she was really upset about him and came down to me after the interrogation. At this time nobody, not even Jane would have guessed what would yet happen during the day.

Frost called Jane to meet after he got the security footage from the hotel. They found the professor, who was Danielle's last appointment, dead in his office. Set up as a suicide, a badly dilettante set up. But this way we got a hold onto the weapon that had killed both, Danielle and Andrew Hilliard. While Jane, Frost and I attended the candlelight vigil at BCU Detective Korsak worked on the gun to figure out the filed serial number.

He called Jane before Natalie started her eulogy and the weapon was registered to the RA's stepfather. After Jane spotted the matching bracelet on Natalie's arm everything followed in quick succession. Lucas took Natalie hostage and shot her to get away. Jane and Frost went after him and got into a shooting duel with him while I stayed with Natalie and tried to keep her alive.

I was sitting in front of the OR in Mass-Gen. Waiting for news about Natalie. Jane had to wait to get cleared by IDA after the shooting and met me in the hospital. After we got the news that Natalie wasn't as badly injured as we thought, the bullet was a through and through without any serious damage it was two in the morning and Jane sent me home.

**Thank you very much for your time. Wish you all a happy new year.**

 


	20. Amazed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

Happy new year!!!!

 

**_I was sitting in front of the OR in Mass-Gen. Waiting for news about Natalie. Jane had to wait to get cleared by IDA after the shooting and met me in the hospital. After we got the news that Natalie wasn't as badly injured as we thought, the bullet was a through and through, without any serious damage, it was two in the morning and Jane sent me home._ **

Maura's POV

 _"Gun"_  This words echo through my mind.  _"Gun" "Gun"_  I can hear Frost's voice and the panic screams of the present students. Then the shot was fired. I am in my shower and can hear it like the moment it all happened. I am terrible tiered.

I hadn't really the time to think about what had happened the night before but as I lay down, trying to sleep all I can hear are screams and the gunfire.

I stayed with Natalie while Jane and her partner chased after Lucas, I could hear every fired shot. Afterwards this seems ridiculous but I listened subliminally to every fired shot and with each one my fear raised incredibly. I only heard one gun, the gun that shot Natalie. Three in a row and one single shot and then one single shot from another gun.

I remember myself praying that neither Detective Frost nor Jane was injured.

I must have been fallen asleep from exhaustion because the next thing I feel is the dip of the bed and Jane's lips on my forehead.

"Hey pretty girl," she smiled as I open up my eyes. "I brought some food."

I open up a bottle of red wine while she grabs two glasses for us. I can feel her eyes on me.

"So, what was it like working on a live victim?"

I take a deep breath. "Terrifying. And exhilarating." And that's the simple but whole truth.

She looks at me for a moment, waiting if I want to talk about it, yet. I am not ready, yet.

"Natalie confirmed your theory though. Lucas had about a half-dozen girls working off tuition." I answered instead.

"Yeah. Lucas was the company store. Fronted the money to Danielle."

"Maybe she found out that he was blackmailing the professor and he killed her."

"Yeah. She probably thought she could get out if she threatened to go public. The poor father. What he must be going through," Jane stated, suddenly sadder and more absentminded.

While she serves her food on the plate she says utterly plain. "I applied to BCU." And smiles at me.

I am caught off guard and don't know what to say. "It's very hard to get into."

"I got in," now I am really speechless for a long moment. "Why didn't you go?" I ask her.

"Wanted to be a cop." That isn't the whole truth and she knows that I know it.

"What's the real reason?"

"My father would have spent everything to send me there. I couldn't do that to him."

This is Jane. Always anyone first.

"Did you ever tell him?"

"Nope. That would make him too sad."

In moments like this I am torn between being ashamed for the opportunity to have had everything I wished for and being proud of Jane for the one she is. And I know exactly when it's time to drop things with her.

"Well, I wonder what's gonna happen to Natalie."

"She's going back to school."

"What?"

"Made a little deal with the Chancellor. We keep a lid on it, they go back to school."

"On the university's expense," her word brings the first real smile to my face.

"Mm-hmm, 'cause, you know, if this got out, people might be judgmental."

She always manages to astonish me.

"What are you gonna tell Danielle's father?"

"All he needs to know is that his daughter loved him very much."

Now I am about to cry. "Aww, Jane."

"What?"

I have to gather myself some seconds and stop the tears that want so desperately make it into my eyes. "I think that's really… That's really sweet."

She watches me for some seconds. "Oh, gross. Gimme the wine."

Jane can be so sweet, but she never wants to be praised for the good things she does. We eat further in silence. Every day I find another reason to love her more than the day before.

As we bring our plates to the dishwasher I pull her in for a tender kiss. A kiss that tells her how amazing, gorgeous, beautiful and adorable I think she is. How much I love her.

R&I R&I R&I R&I R&I R&I R&I

The next day was slow. Neither Maura nor Jane had something to do other than paperwork. After leaving a little earlier they both drove over to Beacon Hill meeting the realtor, receiving the key.

With some small arguments about Jane thinking that Maura was more creative and the right person to decide the colours and Maura trying to involve Jane in as much as possible, they settled for Maura submitting a colour and Jane agreeing after listening to Maura's explanations why she would like this one.

Arriving at Maura's she called a painter and made an appointment for the next day.

Thursday was another very, very slow day at work. So they had time for a longer lunch break together in Maura's office and discussed further the timeline for the renovation. And decided, as they had the weekend both off to go and have a look at furniture.

After work they met the painter and talked over Maura's desired colors. They would be finished at Monday afternoon. Jane groaned mentally. This would mean a stressful weekend, shopping for furniture.

So she decided to use her hours at work on Friday to plan something, on the side, for the evening. They had both neglected their dating beside the cases completely.

After three hours of back and forth between two kitchens to decide, Maura settled for a baby-blue one and picked also shelves for the pantry and new chairs for her dinning table.

Jane has had a hard time finding the right place for their date. It should be something special and something where they could be alone. So she called in two favours from two different people.

Leaving towards Maura's Jane informed her about their date, without telling anything. She just told Maura to get dressed in anything she liked. After a big debate with herself about the clothes she was going to wear the evening, she pulled into Maura's driveway at 8 p.m.

It was a quick drive over to Old South Meeting House. The night guard opened the door for them and only nodded a greeting, smirking and winking at Jane.

In front of the judges bench was a table, all set for a romantic diner. The room was only lit from candles, coming from four five-armed candlesticks.

"This is beautiful, Jane," she whispered smiling. The detective pulled out a chair for Maura and a waiter approached with a bottle red wine after Jane sat down herself.

They enjoyed their three-course meal and chatted lightly during beetroot soup as starter, honey-roasted duck breast with glacéed carrots and gnocchi as main course and candied pineapple and blood oranges as dessert.

Maura didn't know how long Jane had this planed nor how much money she had spent for this nor how much favours she had to ask in but she was once more smitten how sweet Jane was underneath the often rough exterior.

After their waiter had cleaned the table, he left the bottle and excused himself. Jane stood up and encircling the table, reached out her hand to Maura.

"May I have the pleasure of a dance, Dr. Isles?"

"It would be my pleasure, Detective," Maura smiled and took hold of Jane's hand.

As if by magic a song was playing lightly in the background. Jane pulled Maura flush against her, her left hand intertwined with Maura's right one against her left shoulder, her right on the doctors hip. The M.E. didn't know this song, not the biggest surprise in regard of her lacking in pop culture, but the lyrics were exactly matching her feelings for Jane.

_Every time our eyes meet_ _  
_This feeling inside me_  
_Is almost more than I can take_  
_Baby when you touch me_  
_I can feel how much you love me_  
_And it just blows me away_  
_I've never been this close to anyone,_  
_Or anything_  
_I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams__

_I don't know how you do what you do_ _  
_I'm so in love with you_  
_It just keeps getting better_  
_I want to spend the rest of my life,_  
_with you by my side_  
_Forever and ever_  
_Every little thing that you do,_  
_Baby I'm amazed by you.__

The smell of your skin,  
The taste of your kiss,  
The way you whisper in the dark.  
Your hair all around me,  
Baby you surround me  
Touch every place in my heart  
And it feels like the first time  
Every time.  
I want to spend the whole night  
In your eyes

_I don't know how you do what you do_ _  
_I'm so in love with you_  
_It just keeps getting better_  
_I want to spend the rest of my life,_  
_with you by my side_  
_Forever and ever_  
_Every little thing that you do,_  
_Baby I'm amazed by you.__

_I don't know how you do what you do_ _  
_I'm so in love with you_  
_It just keeps getting better_  
_I want to spend the rest of my life,_  
_with you by my side_  
_Forever and ever_  
_Every little thing that you do,_  
_Baby I'm amazed by you.__

Maura's lips were at Jane's ear, whispering. *"Tu es l'amour de ma vie."

She felt the detective smiling. *"E tu sei l'amore della mia vita."

They just swayed for another minutes before Jane whispered again. "Care to join me, Dr. Isles?"

Jane uncovered the piano standing on the right side of the courtroom and leaded Maura to the bench, sitting down herself beside the doctor. Slackening her fingers and started to play.

The first song is 'You are always on my mind' since this song isn't that fast and get used to playing again. She switched over into the second song seamless. 'I'd do anything for love' is much faster in some parts. And the third song she play just because the really, really loves 'Bohemian Rhapsody'.

"Do you have a wish what I should play?" Jane looks over at Maura and perks up her eyebrows.

"Maura?"

"What? Sorry. I am… you are really amazing."

Jane smiled. "I asked for a song you wish me to play."

Maura looks down at the keys for a moment and then starts to play 'Ballade pour Adeline' by herself. Jane grinned and took hold of Maura's left hand and with their other hands they played together.

"I didn't know you could play… but I could have thought of that. Is there anything you don't know or do?"

"Neither did I know that you can play the piano. And quite impressive as well might I add."

"Thank you, but I have to stop now before my hands start to ache."

"You shouldn't have done it if it causes you any pain."

Jane smiled. "I wanted to. I didn't remember a piano standing here, so I decided this impulsively. This is one of the things Hoyt took away from me, but not anymore as it seems."

Maura closes her hands around Jane's face and kissed her gently. "I love you Jane. I adore you. You are incredible," she whispered against the lips of the Italian.

As they reached Maura's doorstep she was for a moment confused why Jane didn't really move until she remembered their 'dating game' and turned fully around again.

She put her arms around Jane's neck and stood up on her tiptoes for a tender kiss.

"Thank you for tonight. I had a lot of fun and you are able to stun me every day all over again."

"I am sorry we got caught up so much and that I missed to continue our dating."

"Don't be. Come in. I want to be here and now again," Maura gripped the lapels of Jane's button-up and pulled her slowly over the threshold, while their lips seemed to be glued together.

"Would you like to go out with me tomorrow? Maybe dancing? I liked to dance with you tonight." She kissed Jane's ear. "I would like really touching and be near you outside from home," she whispered.

Maura's POV

I could feel the bass on the floor as we reached the entry hall, only three customers left before we could pass the doorman. I hadn't thought that Jane would be all good with the idea of visiting a night-club.

I had decided to wear dark blue skin-tight 'Genetic' denim, 'Martin Margiela' black leather boots with a mid-heel, a white top and a black leather jacket from 'Theory'.

Jane was wearing also jeans, a black one. Nearly flat black over knee boots, a gray top and a black fabric jacket. Her top was stretch-fabric and hugging every curve of her. I hadn't even danced for a second and I was already slightly sweating.

We headed directly towards the bar, getting a drink and having a look around the club.

The last time I had been out to a night club was back in Harvard, dragged out by some fellow students. Maybe that's why Jane agreed so easily.

Whatever the case may be, I was happy she was here with me. We decided for a club in Randolph, to avoid bumping into to much of colleagues or people who knew Jane from her job. As less as it was an issue for us being seen together we liked to have at least a little privacy in such a public place.

We had taken a cab, so we both hadn't to stay with soft-drinks. Jane got a Cosmo for me and she got herself a Single Malt. As our drinks got empty I pulled her onto the dance floor.

At first Jane was a bit rigid but my hands on her hips helped her to loosen up a bit. I turned around and pressed my back against her front, my arms around her neck, Jane's hands on my hips.

"Jane relax, you are so hard."

I heard her laughing beside me. "There is something missing to be hard, but I am certain I would be."

Well I definitively hadn't meant it that way but it seems to relax her a lot and she matched my movements. She turned me around and we ended up with one leg between the others, her hands on the small of my back, tendency downwards.

We moved against each other and the seam of my jeans rubbed just in the right places all together with her motions.

"Now I am positive I would be," she whispered.

The delicious pressure of Jane's thigh against my clit couldn't stop the low moan that escaped my lips, and suddenly I was desperate for more contact. My hands landed on her buttocks and I pulled her pelvis harder against me.

I had no idea that dancing with her would have left me in such a state, after such a short time, but I should have known better. After all we were exactly mimicking all the moves we performed normally without clothes between us.

I didn't have to lean up that much, just stretching my neck slightly to kiss her, at first just barely. My lips brushing hers, then a little firmer and the kiss grew hungrier every second.

I wanted to touch and be touched.

Jane's hands slid down and she palmed my buttocks. So inappropriate in a crowded place like this and I am sure my mother would be shocked about my behaviour, but I can't help it. She drives me wild and crazy with nothing more than a glance.

I could feel the moan more than I could hear it above the loud music as I kissed my way along her jaw and my attention settled on softly biting and sucking her throat.

My body was in raw desire for her. It wasn't just a fire burning inside me, it was a conflagration, a blaze.

Her scent was the fuel to my fire and the movement of her abdomen muscles against mine was the dynamite.

Who would have thought that I would be so thrilled about climaxing in a loud night-club on a crowded dance floor. But I did. I came right there on Jane's thigh, moaning low into her ear. Riding it out until I couldn't take it anymore, under the pretext of dancing. And I really was thrilled. I never felt dirtier but so free, so at peace.

Sunday we stayed mostly in bed or onto the couch.

The following week was as slow as the days before. Jane was stuck with paperwork and I had some routine autopsies and paperwork myself to do.

After work we started to furnish the house, or more likely supervised the suppliers and handymen taking care of it.

I don't know how she did it but somehow Jane sneaked once a day into my office without me noticing it and put down a single rose on my desk. They alternated in colors and sorts.

The first day there was yellow 'Berolina', than a pink 'Big Purple', a 'Blanc Double de Coubert', an orange 'Belvedere' and on Friday a single red 'Baccara'.

Every of them had a small folded card with it.

_"Because you are the best friend I ever had"_

_"Because you are the prettiest I ever seen"_

_"Because you are the one I ever desired"_

_"Because you are my soul-mate"_

_"Because you are the love of my life"_

I put every of it in a glass at work and took it home with me in the evening, gathering them in a small vase on my kitchen counter. Collecting the cards in an old wooden chest in my study, that was holding some important memories of mine.

We had spent the whole week after work purchasing more furniture and other things for the house and hadn't been able to spend as much time alone as we both would have liked.

As we both were on call this weekend and couldn't get out of town Jane came up with maybe the sweetest idea ever.

Friday, after a glass at the Robber with Korsak, Frost and Frankie, she excused herself while I went for a shower and she came back in, slightly after an hour to tell me that we were leaving for the night. She told me to pack everything I would need to spend the night and anything I would need in case we were called in.

So after packing, she blindfolded me in the car. It was a very short drive and I had to promise not to peek while Jane disappeared for some minutes, leaving me in the car.

After she got me and guiding me carefully in front of her I found my self in the living room in the new house. A fire crackling, every window covered, a bed made from blankets in front of the fireplace and an Igloo tent in the otherwise still empty room.

That would be another chapter Jane would rewrite with me. The last time I was in a tent, was in Africa with a bulky Australian on top of me. I shivered at the memory. Ian wasn't a bad guy or had even bad intensions, but I had myself much too long entangled into his game of 'touch me but don't try to hold me'. And I had played along with him.

Jane had packed a picnic. There were salads, finger food like mini-spring rolls, dumplings, sesame balls and a container of cut fruits. And a chocolate fondue.

I had immediately the feeling that this would be the best 'camping night' in my whole life.

Luckily we didn't get called in that night. For once in my life fortune seemed to be on my side in the department of a relationship. I never was so happy in my life like I was with Jane and I think I never will be able to reach happiness without her again.

She had packed water and various fruit juices. We were on call after all. After our 'finger food dinner' she conjured a bottle of champagne out of the picnic basket and poured only a half glass for both of us.

I picked up a strawberry, dipped it into the champagne and held it between my teeth. She took the hint straight away and we quickly ended up kissing and feeding each other chocolate covered pieces of fruits.

The point of 'still harmless' make out and heavy make out was crossed as she dipped my left index into the chocolate and captured it with her lips. She sucked slightly at my fingertip and dragged her tongue slowly along the backside of my finger.

I could have sworn my index had a directly connection to my center. The taste of Jane mixed with chocolate and strawberries invaded my senses as her tongue stroked mine. My fingers tingled as I started to unbutton her shirt and pulled it with a jolt out of her jeans.

The moment my finger reaches for her belt buckle is always like an electric shock. I don't know why, and I think I will never be able to explain this with logic, but anytime I do it, it is pure 'high voltage sex'. Not unbuttoning her shirt or her slacks, not unzipping something, not even disrobing her panties comes close to the moment when my fingers touch her belt buckle.

I know this is irrational. There isn't something special about her belt but it is my absolutely trigger. Thinking about it gives me shivers, let my nipples harden and makes me wetter than anything or anyone ever did.

After undressing me completely in her typical teasing manner, she took a strawberry between her fingers and let me have a small bite before she kissed me. As we parted the strawberry was covered in chocolate and sliding down my neck, followed by her lips and tongue.

I had to run twice as hard for a whole week after this night, because my metabolism isn't like Jane's and if I were able to think I would have regretted all this calories beforehand.

But thinking isn't one of my strength if Jane is somehow attached to my body and afterwards I wouldn't dare to regret any of it. Scientifically considered I am sure I worked every calorie down that night. I was not even that sore after our first weekend together.

*Amazed by Lonestar

* Tu es l'amour de ma vie - you are the love of my life

*E tu sei l'amore della mia vita - and you are the love of my life

_Search in Y-T for '_ **_vkgoeswild_ ** _' – pretty awesome piano player 333_

**Thank you very much for your time.**

 


	21. Money for nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See Author's Note (Chapter one)
> 
> Mistakes are all belonging to me, I can't blame JTam on that, sorry ;)

 

**_But thinking isn't one of my strength if Jane is somehow attached to my body and afterwards I wouldn't dare to regret any of it. Scientifically considered I am sure I worked every calorie down that night. I was not even that sore after our first weekend together._ **

 

Maura's POV

I got caught up with my past today. Jane and I went for a run in the park. It was warm, we were both still on call this Sunday and we needed to catch up with our workout for the marathon.

Just as we stopped to stretch and were talking delighted about what the spring brought out in nature and humans, our phones went off.

I wish I could be back in bed with Jane this morning and start the whole day over.

She is disappointed with me and I don't know if it is because I never talked about Garrett or the fact that she was showed off and realized that the worlds we grew up are so wildly diverged that it seems impossible to cross this distance.

I am not good with things like that. Anytime I opened my mouth to make it better I only made it worse. Yes, I grew up in a world of money and prestige, of parties and gala's, of obligations and arrangements. There are parts of my upbringing in this world I like and there are parts I would rather deny. I am not ashamed to be raised with more money than necessary, this way I could make it work to get the best qualifications. But… I would renounce everything for her.

It was wrong to keep my past with Garrett a secret. I know that, I really do. I understand her. I had no time to tell her the whole story on the way from the crime scene to the Fairfield's. I couldn't discuss our private life in the backseat of an unmarked car with Frost driving.

I wish I could undo this whole day.

I don't like 'what if's', but it's all I can think of. What if it was the other way around? What if Jane would tell me on a crime scene 'Hey, I was about to marry the brother of our victim.'

Okay I didn't say it that way, but I am sure it doesn't matter how I would have said it. The only thing that matter is what she said to me and her words seem to burn every cell of my brain.

"Wow Maura! Didn't you have time between work, meals and every days sex to tell me you were about to marry?"

After that sentence she was all 'Detective Rizzoli', more than ever before. She was hurt. She was sassy and protesting and arrogant and defiant. Macho behaviour and I can't even be angry about that.

There was no time to calm the waves until it got worse. I was a part of this family in the past, apart from all the problems I had with them and apart from my break up with Garrett and me cancelling our engagement I felt terrible for them, even if family means something really different for them than for Rizzoli members.

I know Jane and I should have known that it would trigger her behaviour even further. It feels like I am standing in a gigantic sand trap and there is no way out of it.

I touch the cold sheets beside me, anything smells like her. This day should have ended up so differently.

I woke up with the sun crawling out of her nights rest. I was, like every morning, in Jane's strong arms and her hot skin against my back screams 'home' in any possible languages.

It was late yesterday night and she was so fast asleep she didn't notice as I freed myself. After I silenced my screaming bladder she was laid on her back and I took the opportunity and crawled under the comforter between her legs.

I laid my left cheek on her right thigh. The tip of my nose scooting up and down the very thin strip of raven black hairs. She told me once she likes it and I like it too. Although the place where my nose was, wasn't maybe so innocent and what I was about to do even lesser, but this motion was. It is a display of affection, of closeness. There is nothing sexual about it and everything about love.

Midway through my very slow performance of a cunnilingus she woke and as she picked up the comforter to look at me with lifted eyebrows. I met her eyes and grinned a 'mission accomplished' into her face.

I never finished was I had started. Not for the lack of desire to do so but she pulled me up to her and we kissed for half an hour. We had planned to extent our run today, only slightly more than eight weeks left until Boston Marathon. We had planned a lot of things for today and for a lot of other days.

Probably never going to happen.

I insulted her. 'I'm sorry I couldn't stand there and just let you badger his family.' Badger! Badger? I always adored the way she works. I don't know where this came from.

The last words I said to her before she left were even much worse. 'As a medical examiner, it is my job to determine the cause and the manner of death, so I'll tell you whether there's a case here or not.'

I should eat crow. I should drive over to her apartment and beg on my knees for her to forgive me. It is not my pride stopping me. I have no pride when it comes to Jane, it is fear. Fear I screwed it up. I am afraid she will break up with me if I give her the chance to do so.

She even took Jo home with her before I came back from work. This could end really badly. I can't stop my tears from falling. I don't even have anyone to talk about my misery. No one knows about me and Jane, about the shift of things between us.

I called them my friends into her face. Friends! I don't have any friends beside Jane. There is no one coming over to tell me everything will be fine, to tell me to fight for my love. No one will hold my hands and wipe my tears.

I got myself up, walking over to the guestroom upstairs. I can't stand the memories the bedroom holds right now, even the guestroom downstairs smells like her. I never changed the bedclothes after our last sleepover as 'only' friends in there.

I got no sleep all night long. I watched the red digits change, minute by minute.

R&I R&I R&I R&I R&I R&I R&I

The first time I could lose my thoughts for some seconds was when Korsak came down into the morgue. He is like a father to Jane and he loves her to no end. He may be sometimes as worldly innocent as Jane is but he has a really good heart.

And he has a good insight into human nature too. He caught me trying to fool him. I don't know if he senses something between me and Jane, more than friendship. I am not the expert for human interactivities. He called me out on our behaviour and after he explained me that it was much simpler than I thought it was, I am feeling even guiltier.

I let her down. The one which should never doubt her, let her down. Korsak came down an hour later and told me how the Fairfield's lawyer had threatened Jane. I had the faint feeling this wasn't going to work for me.

Well, here we go Dr. Isles. Jane came down bringing me a bar of chocolate with gold flakes in it and all I have to ask is if she's making fun of me.

I don't know if she was there to really talk to me about our situation but I blew it up before there was any chance.

Again she leaves with words full of pain. "I… I don't know what to believe anymore. I'm not even sure whose side you're on."

This is obviously my clue. It didn't really matter I was once engaged and it didn't also matter any longer that I didn't told her. Maybe she was hurt about this but then it was all about loyalty.

I have to take my courage in both hands and drove over to see Garrett. There will be a lot of things to explain to Jane, later. If she will listen to me but this was my only chance to show her that I really have her back and I got the name of Adam's mistress.

Next time we met was on Adam's boat and I had to watch with my own eyes what she hates so much about privileged people and how easy it was for people of my upbringing to bend the law.

But Jane wouldn't be Jane if she would let someone impress her with money or status.

How much must it had cost her to strike her colours and admit she was obviously wrong, even more to voice it in front of all of us. But alone the first sight proved me to be the one who was wrong and after a short reconstruction in my head I called it a murder.

Back in the lap she was distant but my beloved Jane was already scratching underneath her shield, it was the way she talked to me and I was suddenly sure we would survive this. And as she asked me to get a drink with her I was eased enough to make fun about her gold flakes.

"So? You want to tell me what happened with Garrett?" she asks and tried to sound casually.

"Yes, but not here," I grab into my purse and pull out the envelope which was delivered to my office this morning. "I have a present for you."

She snorted. "Apology or bribe," she used both words that I named her chocolate.

"I wasn't gonna go, but you want access to my deluxe friends and I want you to be my guest."

She snorted again. "Won't I embarrass you?" Her question was more playful than serious and so was my answer.

"Probably. But haven't I embarrassed you before?"

She shakes her head. "No." Then she smiled. "More than half a dozen times," she added before she read the next part on the invitation.

"Cocktail dress required. Can't I just go like this?" She asked seriously even if she knows my answer.

We are back. And I hope without any serious damage. "If you're going to embarrass me, at least do it in the proper clothes. Come on."

I watched her disrobe, we set for a blue dress. I would have rather seen her in a red one but considering the occasion blue was more appropriate. Before she could lift up the dress to try it I took all steps that were needed to press me up to her. I slid my hands around her, resting on her abs, kissing the space between her shoulder blades.

"I am sorry."

"It's okay Maura."

"No it isn't."

"Can we do this later?"

"Talking?" I asked her, licking over the same space I kissed before and earn a half playful 'Rizzoli-death-glare' in the mirror.

"Okay, okay." I took a step back. "I missed you last night."

"Yes that is very obvious" she answered turning around.

"It shouldn't sound that way, I …," She kissed me before I could finish my sentence.

"I missed you too. Let's get ready I have an appointment with my new fancy friends," she laughed.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She is such a natural beauty and in a dress every curve of her is more conscious to me than ever. I can't help my self to think of all the times I draw along any of it with my tongue or fingertips.

Yes, Jane Rizzoli wouldn't be who she is if she did for once anything you told her.

I explained her how to use her fish knife and she just speared it into her Branzino. Oh dear. I was in shock for a second but after that I felt the urge just to laugh heartily. I didn't.

As we were about to leave we caught Sumner and Adam's wife kissing in the hallway and after another half an hour watching Jane and Colburn colliding heads we arrived at Jane's apartment.

R&I R&I R&I R&I R&I R&I R&I

With a glass of wine for me and a beer for Jane we end up onto the sofa. I am sitting upright, my legs curled up beside me, her head onto my lap. I play left handed with her locks.

"I am sorry I didn't tell you."

Her eyes are searching mine. "You… I… I can't expect you to tell me about your past, maybe there is a lot I don't even want to know. But I thought, that if you where once about to marry someone, was something you would have told me."

"Yes I know. I know I should have told you and I really don't know why I didn't… Maybe I know… I thought about it once, to tell you I mean… but I was afraid of all the things that happened today."

I put my glass on the side table. "I was afraid to admit I once thought I loved someone. I was afraid you would cast doubts into my ability to read my feelings."

"Why should I do something like this? Do you think I was never in love or thought so? Was it serious between you two?"

"I thought so. I was twenty, everything felt serious. We could talk for hours and he was like me. Not much awkward as me, but insecure. He grew up with nannies and was neglected just like me. He and his father fought a lot."

Taking a deep breath.

"He was the first one who ever noticed me aside the visually or negative aspects. I lost my virginity to him. He was, retrospective, very tender but it wasn't what I had expected. I had read a lot about it and eavesdropped some conversation from other girls. It hurts a lot and it took me four month to do it again. He was patient, he never pushed me."

I took another sip of my wine.

"The second time was less painful but I wasn't with him, too afraid it would be like the first time. The third time was much more relaxed. One evening he proposed to me and I accepted, I don't know why after all. He had given himself a lot of liquid courage, it was the fourth time we had sex and I cried the whole time underneath him."

Another deep breath.

"He didn't harm me physically but emotionally. He wasn't as tender as before, he tried but his consumed mount of alcohol was blurring his vision and his senses. I tried to slow him down, he started to whisper. First they were nice words. How beautiful I was and how much he loved me, but as he started to claim me, to tell me I was his and I never had to do anything but being his wife and mother of his children it thunderstruck me.

I didn't want to be 'Misses Garrett Fairfield'. I was my whole life Constance and Richard Isles little daughter. I wanted to be someone on my own. I wanted to be someone other people remembering my name for me, not because I am from a wealthy family nor married into one.

The next morning I gave his ring back and broke off with him. He apologised hundreds of times and I wasn't really angry with him. I was more relieved than hurt. I liked him, maybe I even loved him but I didn't love him enough to spend my life that way."

Jane caresses my cheek and I smile to her. The whole story was in the past for me and nothing more than a story anymore.

"It took me whole four years to have sex again. The memory of our last night frightened me a long time. I never want to feel that helpless again. He didn't want to hurt me he just didn't sense it anymore."

Jane tries to say something but I motion for her that I am not done.

"Let me do this Jane, please. There is another man I should mention. Dr. Ian Faulkner. I met him when I worked in Africa. I know all of this must sound silly to you, but I thought for a long time he was the love of my life. He was a hero for me. He spends his whole life in humility for all those people. He wasn't working in the same place I was working, but we met often while organizing transports of relief supplies or other required things. We talked a lot and one night we ended up having sex.

I was blinded by him for a long time and we ended up having sex often. After I returned back from Africa he showed up two times on my doorstep. Well… let me say it like it was, he fucked me, took the supplies I bought for him and was back in Africa before I even knew what had happened. And if it wasn't for meeting you two weeks after his last 'visit' I would have let him do it next time again. Because I thought I could call myself happy to get some of his limited time."

I took another sip of my wine. "So, that's the sad fairytale of the love life of Dr. Maura Isles."

"I don't…"

"Don't. I let anything of this behind me."

I wake up to Jo Friday barking. Maybe she's moping for being shut out of the bedroom. I am laying face down on Jane's back. We have twenty minutes until the alarm goes off. I close my eyes again being much too grateful to feel Jane underneath me.

As much thrilling as last night was, I would rather be ten years without sex, than one night without Jane by my side ever again.

I am about to doze off again as I hear a sound that should alarm me and I am just able to check mentally that my bottom is covered before the bedroom door opens and Jane's mother shows up in the threshold.

This was not supposed to happen!

I met her eyes and I can see the gears shifting. Jane. Maura. Naked. Bed. She just closes the door. There wasn't even time for me to panic.

"Baby. Get up, fast. Your mother."

"Nuuh, alarm… five minutes." Jane mumbles sleepily.

"No baby, your mother is here."

"What? Where?" She is suddenly fully awake.

"I am so sorry, she was in here. There was no time to stop what happened. I was half asleep myself and…"

"Stop Maura, don't freak out on me. I get that," she said while bouncing out of the bed. She put a pair of shorts and a shirt on and leans down to kiss me. "Get ready for work." She storms off towards her bedroom door.

I flinch as door and the frame meet hard. "Did anyone die? Is my house burning down? Are aliens destroying the world? No? Because there must be a very good reason for you to be here, Ma" I hear Jane hollering. "Using your keys-for-emergencies-only"

I can't hear what Angela answers but Jane isn't getting any quieter. "Well, that's what people do when they have sex."

"No we weren't drunk and this is none of your business and I wouldn't have to explain anything if you would for once in my damn life respect me and KNOCK."

However awkward this is, I have to go out there and face this whole situation. I put on some of Jane's clothes and move over to the other room.

Angela is standing in the kitchen, breakfast is ready and she smiles at me.

"Are you done shouting?" she asks Jane in a calm tone. "I want to apologise for walking in on you two. I made breakfast, have a nice day hope you are joining us on Sunday dinner as usual."

Angela walks over towards the door and takes her jacket. Jane and I look at each other in totally disbelieve.

"Wait…," Jane whispers, than a tick louder. "Is that all you have to say?"

Her mother turns around, watching us both. "Look Jane, you are both grown up women, what you did or do in there," she motions towards the bedroom. "Or anywhere else, isn't my business. All I want is no one of the both of you getting hurt and… if… if this between you two is just… casual, I hope it won't be affecting your friendship."

She baffles us both even more and turns around once more.

"Wait, Ma. You want some coffee?" She waved off. "No I already disturbed your privacy."

"No Angela. Please sit with us we need to get this out already."

She put her jacket back onto the hook and walks over. "So this isn't casual… is that what you are telling me?"

"No," we both answer at the same time.

She raises both of her hands in defence. "No offence girls, but in these days the world has changed a lot." She takes Jane's fingers into her hands, avoiding touching her palms. "Relax baby. Love has no gender. I am not that old and stupid, I thought you knew that. If you just had told me I wouldn't have set you up with guys. I am sorry, really."

Jane laughs. "Shut off, Ma. You shouldn't have set me up with anyone in the first place. I know that sounds silly but I am not gay. Although it doesn't matter whether gay or not. I love Maura and that just is it."

After breakfast Jane and I have to get ready and Angela is about to leave. "Wait Ma, why are you here, actually?"

"I just want to look if everything was fine here. You weren't here the last two times I was over so I brought my keys today. Have a nice day girls."

Jane looked at me as the door closed. "Well…"

"Yes, well…," is all I can answer.

It is really hard when realization hits you. I nearly married a man who murdered his own brother for money and I nearly let it destroy the best thing in my life and on top of that all I didn't fulfil my job very well.

I walk side by side with Jane up towards the pool. Same pace, same steps. Symbolising an unison. Garrett tried to use me for covering up his crime, used all the power of his name to inhibit Jane doing her job.

Jane is proud. Not for the fact that Garrett is a murder and she discovered it. She is proud for standing tall and tough against anything. Even against me. Garrett tries to pull the 'you know me' card on me and I can't suppress a bitterly laugh.

The only one I really know is Jane and I shouldn't have betrayed her loyalty.

She makes me try beer and what can I say… I wouldn't trade it for a good wine but there will be ways to enjoy one or two or more in the future, hopefully.

I take both of her hands in mine over the table. Our gaze locked. I know she sometimes thinks that she isn't worth to be with me because we grew up so differently.

"I don't really want to talk too much about the whole thing again but there is one thing you should never forget about me. All I ever need is you to love me."

**_So, next chapter is a huge leap in time, but you are not gonna miss something, trust me ;)_ **

**Thank you very much for your time.**

 

 


	22. The gun goes - Jane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So here is the 'huge leap'. As I told you, you are not going to miss something. Be patient. Is a not a really long one, but it didn't felt like adding something. The next one will be long. Have fun. Love you.
> 
> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

_**"I don't really want to talk too much about the whole thing again but there is one thing you should never forget about me. All I ever need is you to love me."** _

Jane's POV

 

"Drop it."

He turns his MP5 towards me. "You, drop the radio."

I can hear the fear in Korsak's voice. "Jane? Jane what's happening?"

"Give me the cigarettes." I see his face turning into painful distorted anger. "You got till I count to three, or this cop is dead."

He draws his gun over to Frankie. "One" He scoots a step. "Two" He shove the tip of the MP hard into Frankie's rips.

Frankie screams in pain, Maura screams in fear.

Furious is understated. I am beyond mad as hell.

"All right, all right! They're right there." I point towards Frankie's head.

"Don't you screw with me." Oh god, how badly I would like to rip that ugly head from his neck, with my bare hands.

"Just stop, all right? They're in my jacket, under his head."

"Get them," he hisses.

I pull the packet out and hold them towards him.

"Give 'em to Bobby."

He could just have shot me. It just feels like dying. One of us, one of us killed his own partner. Killed at least one more colleague. Killed the poor anxious girl. If I don't come up with something really fast we are going to also die.

I turn my head towards Bobby and catch a glimpse of Maura. There is something in her face I saw only once before. Contempt.

I can see the smile he tries to hide. Oh he's so proud of himself that he blinded me all the time. Maybe I should rip his head off first. No. For something like him death is too gentle. A animal like him has to rotten in living hell. A cop in prison. I would drive all the way once in a week only to see him dying slowly. Day by day.

"Smile. You're on Danny's camera."

"Danny didn't know that you were running the drug ring, but he must've suspected something. That's why he was wearing a wire and carrying a hidden camera."

I need time, I have to do something. I can feel Maura's eyes on me. I wish I could take her hand. I wish I could say her it'll be alright. I talk and listen, just playing for time.

"Nah. I'm not a son of a bitch." He laughs. He fucking laughs. In the last fraction of a second I see him lifting the weapon. He fires right through between Maura and me.

Maura throws her body over Frankie. Shielding him and I scoot over, shielding both of them. I touch her back. I need to touch her. Maybe it's the last time. I need her to steady me. I am going to fight for her, for my brother. Fight until my last drop of blood.

He rounds us. "I'm a freakin' hero. Now that I got what I need I'm just gonna sit tight and wait to be rescued. That is, after I shoot the three of you."

I hear the radio cracking. "I wouldn't do that, Bobby. Bobby it's over." Korsak's voice drones through the room and all I want to do is kiss Maura until she passes out. Not even I thought about that damn radio and situations like this are my fucking job.

She is so tough, so strong, so brilliant. The fingers of my left hand scooting over my brother's chest in search of Maura's. We both don't look down but our hands find themselves. I slide slowly over her hand, my fingers between hers, we both ball our hands to a loosen fist and squeeze.

_I love you. I am here. I never give up. I am always by your side. I trust you. I love you. I love you. I love you, always._

We don't have to look at the other one to send all of this. It is the way her thumb strokes the scar on my left palm or mine caressing her pinkie. My eyes never left Bobby, but all I can feel is Maura.

Hundreds of shots are ringing out from the street. I pray for a moment of distraction. I have to take him down before he can shoot me, or Maura and Frankie will die too.

Bobby grabs my neck and I can sense Maura's fingertips on my back, trying to get a hold on me. "It's fine." I can hear myself saying. It is fine. Maura and Frankie have a better chance without Bobby in the room.

Before he pulls me into the hallway Maura and I lock our glance for some seconds. I see all of her emotions. Fear, anger, rage, love. I don't want to say goodbye, so I look away and let Bobby pull me out of her sight.

He drags me up the stairs and I try to fight him. He can't shoot me, he needs me to walk out of here alive, but I will not hesitate to shoot him. Not one second.

As we reach the hall on the main floor there is devastation all over the place. I can see the sunlight. It's coming nearer. I see them all standing outside. Vince, Frost, Cavanaugh. I can see Crowe, Davis, Mullan, Miller, Foster. There are special teams all over the roofs and streets. They are all aiming towards us.

I try to get them a free shot. I pull at Bobby. I try to duck. No one is willing to take the risk. He pulls me down the stairs. No one takes the risk.

My thought drifts to Maura, to Frankie. My baby brother is going to die.

"Shoot him. Shoot him. Just shoot him" I scream of the top of my lungs.

No one is taking the risk. The last thing I hear is him saying that Frankie is probably already dead. And then time stops.

I feel his body pressed up to mine. His elbow touches my shoulder, his lower arm pressing onto my throat. I close my eyes. I have made my decision.

I can see Frankie. The little six-year-old, with the black locks and brown eyes. His nearly girl-like, soft face. The sun is shining, it is warm. We are in a park. I showed them how to make a loop from a cherry-stem with the tongue. Frankie is looking up to me. His cheeks redden from the heat, his eyes glistening in awe. I was always his Batman, Superman, Spiderman, his super hero.

Then I drift to Maura. It is nearly the same picture. Our first 'date'. We are standing in front of the pond. I can smell all the tulips and crocuses, but mostly I smell her. The sunlight brings out the red in her hair and her eyes are glowing. I remember how we shift between ending our high school-date and being the adult couple on the threshold with a tender kiss.

We never made it to the bedroom. Between kisses we pulled at blankets and cushions until we had somehow made it to create a place to love us in front of the fireplace. And love was all we did that night. Slow and tender. I remember how Maura laid with her chin on my chest after our first high. Leaning onto her left lower arm, drawing the position of my organs on my skin. Her left index finger only softly touching with her tip.

I close my hand around Bobby's. I pray. I pray for Frankie to make it. I pray for Maura to survive. I pray for Maura to survive if I don't make it. I pray for her to smile again. I pray for her to find someone who can love her like she deserves.

No one is taking the risk. I turn our hands with the gun in it. Press the barrel into my skin. All I see is Maura.

I see her face. Her face in all kind of states.

Her face in anger. Lowered eyebrows, her forehead wrinkled, her lips and eyelids tensed.

Her face in fear. Her lips and eyes open, her eyebrows raised, her nostrils flaring.

Her face in disgust. Her nose scrunching, upper lip raised, her eyebrows downcast and eyes narrowed.

Her face in contempt. Her face unmoved. The left side of her mouth raised into a smirk. The veins on her neck visible. One small dimple over her left upper lip.

Her face in sadness. Her eyes narrowed and her brows scooting together. Her lips small and slightly pulled down at the corners. Her chin nearly arrogant.

Her face in empathy. Her left eyebrow slightly raised. The left corner of her mouth lifted. Two small dimples showing above and under her left mouth corner.

Her face in surprise. Her jaw dropped, her eyes wide open with slightly raised eyebrows. Is it a positive surprise, her lips curl up into a smirk.

Her face in pleasure. Her lips parted. Her nostrils flaring. Her skin flustered. The tip of her tongue firmly pressing against the back of her upper teeth. First her eyes where closed but now she searches for my eyes when she climaxes. I never asked why but I am quite sure it was a trust-thing.

Happiness. My favourite face. She beams. Her lips are raised and slightly open. The dimple on her left cheek showing. Crow's feet showing in the corner of her eyes. Her strings showing on her neck. Her eyes glowing.

I am taking the risk. I pull the trigger. I can feel my feet leaving the ground. Bobby claws on me. My body moves down with him. I feel free.

Her eyes. The first time I saw a different colour in it I didn't dare to ask. I thought I had missed her eye colour. The second time I saw it, I used Google. She has bi-coloured eyes. It depends on how the light meets her eye. If it is bright, her eyes are more green and the darker it gets the more brown is showing.

Her lips. They always taste like strawberries, no matter which lipstick she uses. I detected her secret. First she uses strawberry chap-stick, then powder, then lipstick, then powder, then lipstick again. That's seems also be the matter why I never have her lipstick on me.

Her hands. So soft. The hands that are capable to kill in hundred of different ways, but they only bring closure and peace and love and trust and hope.

My eyes open up and I still see Maura. It must be the loss of blood 'cause she's wearing today's dress. It's the last thing I see. Maura.

**Thank you very much for your time.**

 

 


	23. The gun goes - Maura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This will be a veeeeeeeeeeeery long chapter, so skip work or school or sleep or whatever you are about to do :) Forgot about that :) The 'Italics' are backflashes, but I think you will know that anyway :)
> 
> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

_**My eyes open up and I still see Maura. It must be the loss of blood 'cause she's wearing today's dress. It's the last thing I see. Maura.** _

 

Maura's POV

 

I touch Jane's left shoulder blade, she shields Frankie and me as Bobby rounds the table we are all close to. I know she will take every bullet he may be firing off. I know it and it scares me nearly to death. Suddenly I lose her, she's pulled away. I try to get a grip on her but it is a lost battle. Is there a bigger word than panic? I am in panic. The last words we may ever be hearing from the other is me pleading 'no' and hers 'I'm fine'.

I watch them leave and I feel my heart freeze. I hear Frankie whimpering for Jane. I hear Jane groaning and huffing. I hear a sound I can't really classify. Then a small explosion goes off. Thirty second earlier, they had to be here damn thirty seconds earlier. Men with machine guns are storming into the morgue. I lift my arms and plea them not to shoot. The EMT follows.

I inform them about Frankie's state of injuries as fast as I can. I have to follow Jane. I have to. I run upstairs as fast as possible for me. I hear Jane screaming. She screams over and over to shoot him. I round the corner. Without thinking about anything I burst through the doors onto the steps. All I want is to get to Jane.

Jane is screaming on the top of her lungs. "No" It is the cruellest sound I've ever heard. It feels like my blood freezes and then the second worst sound follows. One gun shot.

I try as fast as I can to reach for her.

First step. I watch how Bobby takes off from the floor.

Second step. He lifts Jane up with him.

Third step. They start to fall.

Fourth step. Jane lands onto him, his arm loosens around her.

First stride on the floor. I realize Jane is hit by a bullet.

Second stride. She opens her eyes and while she turns to her side her eyes also turning to the back of her head.

Third stride. Her eyes close and her head goes limp.

I fall down onto my knees. I press my hands onto her entry and exit wounds. I feel her heartbeats.

Thumb. Thumb. Thumb.

Nothing.

I am torn for a moment. I am blank. What to do? For heavens sake I am a doctor and I am about to let the love of my life die under my finger tips.

"I need hands here, fast."

Korsak is first on his knees by my side. He overtakes her wounds. I start CPR. I don't hear anything. I don't feel anything. The only thing I feel is her non beating heart. Suddenly I am pulled away.

I don't know who is holding me and it doesn't matter. I sit with my bottom on the sidewalk, my legs are bent to my left side. I shove myself harder into the embrace. My hands grabbing arms, closed around my chest. I stare at Jane and the EMT's. The spot on her shirt is now really large. Her blood is forming a slow running, steady, thin creek onto the asphalt.

Through a thick cloud of fog I hear voices. "One. Two. Three. Clear." Jane's body jerks.

"Nothing." Electric shock number two jolts through Jane's body.

"Nothing"

"Come On Jane. Come on." This time the shock is so hard her body darts into the air.

"Nothing. Again."

"Nothing."

"One. Two. Three. Clear."

I wasn't able to think straight.

"We are losing her. Clear."

I was fighting against the arms which were holding me.

"For fuck's sake Jane, fight. Fight for your damn life." I didn't really realize it was my own voice screaming at her.

Silence.

I never prayed in my entire life. I didn't even know to whom I should pray.

_Please Jane fight for your life, if you don't want to fight for your own sake then for mine._

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

I felt like my own heart has stopped. How often would they try it before recording the death? I didn't know anymore. The gruesome moment ticked in thousandths of a second and would just swallow me up.

_When the last pointer freezes_

_and the world stops spinning,_

_everything starts turning into darkness,_

_I want to die in your arms._

"YES! Thank God we got her…"

My whole body was shaking, I felt terribly sick and freezing to death. Then everything went black.

As I came back they still were working on her. Stabilizing her for the transport. The EMT's tried to ban me from the bus.

"Do you have any idea with whom you are talking, boy," Korsak grumbled. "This woman is able to squash your reputation with one damn call. You never get a damn job in the whole world again."

I wasn't even upset about Korsak's behaviour. All I needed was to be with Jane. Maybe I even had threatened him by myself.

The whole ride along I could hear the blaring of more than one siren. We were flanked with two unmarked and a squat car with flashlights which was in front of us. They worked on Jane and I sat there and tried to concentrate, staring around. Steady whispering.

I felt like a damn spectator. I took everything in what happened around me. It didn't even intereste me, but I just couldn't stop it. It felt like my mind tried to save me from thinking about Jane.

Just as we reached the hospital another patrol car raced towards us.

Jane's parents emerged out of the still rolling car. I followed Jane. I didn't feel like I was one of the doctors. I even had problems to understand the terms they used about Jane's condition.

A nurse stopped me at the doors of the theatre. I slid down the wall next to the red line. I don't know how long I sat there, but I know and I never will forget the film that was playing.

I saw everything that I didn't seem to notice in front of the head quarter. Infinity loop.

I saw the horrible look on Detective Korsak's face, how he lowered his gun and started to run.

I saw Detective Frost closing his eyes, turning as white as a sheet of paper. Frozen in shock.

I saw Lieutenant Cavanaugh's face in pain, also starting to run.

I saw all the faces I work with on a daily base on the other side of the street as I turned, all in shock, in anger, in rage, in pain, helplessly.

I saw Jane shot herself. I hadn't realized she had shot herself.

I looked down to my hands which were laying on my knees, pulled up to my chest. They were red, red up to my wrists. I saw my bloody hand and fingerprints on Lieutenant Cavanaugh's sleeves. I saw Korsak's bloody hands.

All of us drenched in Jane's life.

I saw Angela sobbing into Frank's chest. Frost was somehow missing.

I have to wake up from my out-of-body-state, but I don't know how. I close my eyes. Not to sleep, I just don't want to see her blood anymore.

_"Do it." I whispered. I searched her eyes._

_"Do what?" Her lips moved back down to my neck._

_"Mark me."_

_She choked and was up like a lightning to meet my eyes again._

_"Excuse me? I thought for a moment I heard Dr. Isles, the same quirky person that holds lectures about broken blood vessels and other stuff, aske me to cause a hickey on her neck."_

_I smiled simply and presented my neck even more._

_"Go on. I want you to do it. Mark me."_

_She lent down and whispered. "Don't mock me when you have to wear turtlenecks or a scarf." She sucked harder at my pulse point in the crock of the neck and seconds later a large red point stuck out harshly on my pale skin._

_"Mine." She giggled and kissed slowly down over my chest, between my breasts and lower._

_"Yours" I whispered. "Always yours."_

A doctor came out of the theatre and walked over to us. I feared the worst, she wasn't in there long enough considering her injury.

He informed us about Frankie's state. Frankie. I had totally forgotten about him. He was asleep and would be a little powerless for a while but he would be okay.

_"The human vagina is only 2.8 till 3.1 inches in an unstimulated state up to 4.3 till 4.7 inches in a stimulated state long, so it isn't really a matter of length. You only need barely 5 inches at last to reach up to the cervix. But with a perfect angle and the right partner much lesser can be mostly pleasurable and satisfying. Not considering that 70 up to 80 percent of all women are not being able to reach an orgasm from simple penetration. This one," I pointed towards the strap-on. "Is obviously arisen from your wishful thinking Detective Crowe and it could be quite painful."_

_"Wishful thinking?" Jane asks, knowing that I just waited for a good pass._

_"Yes. The most presents are picked out considering the givers own desire."_

_The whole bullpen starts laughing and pointing at Crowe._

_As we got out of the car I walked over towards the trash can with the whole package from Crowe and get rid of it._

_"What are you doing?" Jane asked loud, her face in shock._

_"What do you think I am doing? Throwing this crudity to where it belongs," I answered disgusted._

_"And if I'd like to keep it?"_

_I turned like a lightning on my heels. "Really? This," I fidget with my hands. "Monster never happens to come near me. If you really consider penetrating me with a phallus shaped object nearly as long as my whole lower arm…"_

_Jane started laughing and walking over to me. "No not really. I just wanted to see your face."_

_"So you think that's funny Rizzoli? Maybe I should get it out again and try it on you."_

_"Ouch… never mind. I'll just sleep in the dog house."_

_"Jo doesn't even have a dog house and if she had one you would be much too large for it."_

_"It's a saying Maura. For being kicked out of the bedroom."_

_"As long as your friend stays where he is there is no need for me to kick you out of the bedroom. If you are really interested in…"_

_"Yes Maura, I think that's a real good thing to discuss in the middle of the street," sarcasm dripping from every word._

_"We are not in the middle of the street, Jane."_

_"Oh pardon me, we are in the middle of the driveway, beside the street. Maybe your neighbours didn't hear us," she raised her voice a bit. "Well, I would love to fuck you with a silicon penis."_

_I looked at her, shaking my head and marched up to the front door. "I will wait inside, if you like to talk."_

_"Do you want to… try it?" Jane asked._

_I looked briefly at her for a moment. "I don't know. I never thought about it. Well there could be some benefits of using a strap-on. As having both hands free to do other things but on the other side your fingers are so much more sensitive and flexible. I never climaxed from only penetration, before you."_

_Jane moved her jaw from side to side. "Well… my biggest problem is… Well I am afraid…"_

_"I don't miss anything, Jane."_

_"That's not what I was saying. No idea how to say that… Look, between you and me, it's different. Since the first time I slept with you I suddenly find sex with a man primal, odious. I don't know if I would like getting that back into my bed again."_

_"Mhhh, just because some of us will be wearing an artificially penis doesn't mean we have to act like a man and there are a lot of colours, shapes, sizes."_

_Jane looked confused towards me._

_"I am not saying I just changed my mind. I am only trying to limit down your anxieties." I pulled her in for a kiss._

_"Maybe we should have a look at it, to weight all options. There are so many possibilities. Maybe you want me to use it on you, if I chose that I don't want you to use it on me. Or the other way around. Maybe we both don't like it and decide against it completely. Maybe we should just try it for once and let us both lead from there. If we chose to get one it doesn't mean we have to use it all the time. We don't have to decide it today. Maybe in a year we think differently. There are so many things to think of."_

_"Well than get your tablet Dr. Isles and let us sort this out like two adults," Jane grinned._

_"First of all I want to rule out everything that looks like a real one. I am not a man and I never found the look of it very attractive." Jane said in a serious tone._

_"Fine. I am in. I don't want one larger than maximum six inches." I stated._

_"Fine. I am in, too."_

_"Look. There are so much options," I pointed to my tablet. "Vibrating, varieties of shapes and colours and fabrics. Okay another thing I want to rule out. Although it could be much stimulating I don't want one with extra accessories like a clit or anal stimulator."_

_"Fine with me. Is there anything else than these damn harnesses? I don't want to feel like a sledge dog with all those straps and strings and rings." Jane laughed._

_"Mhh…, yes look here are panties. That looks a lot better. Problem there, you can't be completely naked."_

_"Obviously there will be problems all over the place, don't know Maura."_

_I pulled Jane on top. "Me neither," I said and kissed her._

_"I am as much as happy as I can be, so screw male anatomy we don't need that. All I need is you," another kiss._

_"And if we like our hands on other parts we just use our legs or hips or bellies or…," I whispered directly into Jane's ear._

I felt a hand touching my shoulder. Detective Korsak was holding a paper cup of coffee for me. I took it and closed my eyes for a moment, signalling him a 'thank you'.

_As I woke, the bed was empty but still warm. I stroked over the fabric of Jane's cushion, got up and creep down the hall just like god has created me. Lights flickered at the walls and the ceiling. I stopped in the threshold to my study. Jane sat there with her back to the door at the piano and had lit all the candles at the window. She was so drowned in her playing that she didn't hear me._

_It´s never been easy for me_

_to find words to go along with a melody_

_but this time there´s actually something on my mind_

_so please forgive this few brief awkward lines_

_since I met you my whole life has changed_

_it´s not just my furniture you´ve rearranged_

_i was living in the past but somehow you´ve brought me back_

_and I haven´t felt like this since befor Frankie said, "Relax"_

_and though I know_

_based on my track record_

_i might not seem like the safest bet_

_all i´m asking you_

_is don´t write me off just yet_

_for years i´ve been telling myself the same old story_

_that i´m happy to live off my so called former glories_

_But you´ve given me a reason_

_to take another chance_

_now I need you dispite the fakt_

_that you´ve killed all my plants_

_and though I know_

_i´ve already blown more chances_

_then anyone should ever get_

_all i´m asking you_

_is don´t write me off just yet_

_don´t write me off just yet_

_Jane began to play again and I pressed my body into hers from behind, slid my arms trough hers and laid my fingers on the moving hands. I had liked 'ballade pour Adeline' from the first time I heard it as a kid._

_Jane held her fingers still and looked at her hands where I touched her._

_I wrapped my fingers around the hands and caressed her softly. Jane turned around and pulled me down to straddle her lap._

_"There is something I want to ask you, but I'm afraid of it."_

_Jane smiled at me. "Don't be, just spill it."_

_"Your mother mentioned earlier that she liked you to wear a dress at…," I stopped mid-sentence and looked down._

_Jane pulled up my face and smiled brightly. "At the wedding?"_

_I was shyly and embarrassed. "Yes. Can you imagine to marry me one day?"_

_Jane still smiled. "Are you really asking me that? I would marry you in a heartbeat," she answered and kissed me gently._

_"Jane I want to visit my parents with you. I have to tell them about us and I don't want to do it on the phone."_

_She just nodded and I shivered under my emotions as Jane carried me back to our bed._

Angela wants me to leave my spot on the floor, I notice everything in my body is stiff and in pain. It has to be this way. It is the only sign for me to be sure that I am still alive. I refuse to leave my place. My head starts spinning. Incoherent, randomly sentences running through every fibre of me.

_"So, so pretty."_

_"Well, not every hooker has a heart of gold. All right, sister?"_

_"The one that shows we're barely going to get through the door before you start tearing my clothes away." Jane grinned. "Good thing for you I like that look on your face, doctor."_

_"But I am not running like lady 'puke' gaga."_

_"I have to apologize to you. I shouldn't have kissed you without permission."_

_"I think I will never reach down to the bottom of you."_

_"And, of course, it is totally unselfish of you to accompany me."_

_"Is there included that I'm not allowed to tell you how beautiful I thing you are or how super sexy smart I think my geeky doctor is?"_

_"Nah, I have some secretly skills."_

_"There was nothing more that I dreamed of than to kiss you."_

_"What gets me every time is that damn clicking of your heels. That's like a hypnotising drumbeat."_

_"What happened to 'I will always support you and take every step with you'? I am not fragile either, Maura."_

This damn waiting gets the better of me. With any minute passing by I am getting more desperate. Five and half an hour.

I am looking at my watch.

Ballon bleu de Cartier, 33mm, Roman numerals, stainless steel body, grooved crown gemmed with a spinell cabochon. Sapphire glass, 12 zone flinqué-face, sword-shaped hands. $4.530. Nothing of that is helping.

Are things like this the first signs for loosing your mind?

I feel someone touching my shoulder. "Why don't you go and clean yourself up a bit and change," I am staring into a nurse's face.

I shook my head. "I am not moving until I know she is alive."

"She will be in there for some more hours."

"I. AM. NOT. MOVING!" I didn't even know I could get so angry and loud.

In a heartbeat Angela is by my side. "Hey honey, calm down. No one will make you leave."

She is as much devastated as me. How could she not. Two of her three children could have died today.

I am back in the morgue. Frankie is laying on one of my tables. I know Jane didn't yell at me because she was angry. She was afraid, horrified, yes but I needed that. I needed her faith into me, to trust myself to be able to do that. Her bumping me into action.

My hands were shaking, my head spinning. I never liked to work with living patients, but this was Frankie, Jane's brother. My brother. Could it get more worse? Yes it could.

Goose bumps creeping over my skin. Not the good one that Jane causes me. The ones that will make you freeze and where you can feel the panic creeping through your veins. Suddenly realization hits me hard. Jane died under my fingers today.

Does she know I love her? Really know? Does she really know what she means to me? Does she know she is the love of my life? If I had ask her to marry me would she had shot herself?

Strangely enough, I am not angry or furious with her. I know she only did it because for her there was no other way.

But what if? I don't like what if's!

I will lose everything!

My best friend, my family, my love, my life.

The way she looks at me. She always knows. She looks just right into my heart. The way we communicate without words. It is like a magical band between our minds and it is sexy as hell in bed.

She knows when I need words, when I need a hug, when I need a touch. No one ever applied a lot of effort to look behind my awkwardness, behind my insecurity masked with clothes and science.

And it is creepy, somehow, but in a good way. Can creepy be good? Yes it can. It is creepy but I love it. She always knows how to touch and where. How much or how few pressure I need and when I need it.

She knows when to claim me and when to let me. When to pull and when to push. Without a single word. We can talk and we often talk a lot while we love us, but never about it. I never have to guide her, never to voice where I need her.

It is like clockwork. Like two pinion working because of the other one.

She never lets me beg for something, although I do it often. I know what it does to me when she whispers in my ear not to stop.

I never wanted to fall for someone so hard. I thought I never could fall for someone so hard. Not until I met Jane.

"Honey…," Angela whispers in my ear. She is on her knees beside me, her hands cupping my face. "Honey, I have to look after Frankie. I have to know he's okay."

She kisses my left temple. "Honey, she's strong… she loves you," she whispers before she gets up.

Six hours and eighteen minutes.

Where did she shot herself? I try to remember. It had to be her liver. Penetrating gunshot wound. The bullet had killed Moreno in an instant.

_I was lying on my left side, constantly shivering. The faint dusk of sweat on my skin was rapidly cooling, maybe that part intensified my shivering, but mostly it was the aftermath of a marvellous hour of love. My nose touched her neck and my right hand caressed the right side of her abdomen._

_"Did you know that the liver is the only human internal organ capable of natural regenerationof lost tissue; as little as 25% of a liver can regenerate into a whole liver? Regeneration is very rapid. The liver will return to a normal size in one to two weeks following the removal of greater than 50% of the liver by mass._

_This is predominantly due to the hepatocytesre-entering the cell cycle. That is, the hepatocytes go from the quiescent G0 phaseto the G1 phaseand undergo mitosis. This process is activated by the p75receptors._

_The two earliest human liver transplants were performed by Thomas Starzlin the United States_ _in 1963 and Roy Calnein Cambridge, Englandin 1965, respectively."_

_I drew a picture of her liver on her skin with the nail of my right index._

_"The liver is divided into eight segments by Claude Couinaud. The divide between the left and right lobe of the liver is functionally vertically in the region of the gallbladder and anatomically at the Ligamentum falciforme hepatis, a ligament that attaches the liverto the anterior, ventral, body wall."_

This day will be forever etched into my memory. The very first of much perfect days in my life.

Six hours and forty-nine minutes.

I still register everything around me clearly. Korsak is sitting on one of the typical plastic chairs. His body is bent forward, fidgeting with his hands all the time. He teeters the whole time, like he's trying to sooth himself.

Frost arrived two hour after us. I heard a doctor whispering with Cavanaugh about him. He obviously had to be brought in with a nervous disintegration. He was pale and looked nauseous, showing massive signs of hospitalism.

He strode up and down the hall like a wildcat in their all too small cage. Lieutenant Cavenaugh did the same, stopping every then and there, leaning against a wall.

Frank was standing with his back against the wall, his head hanging, hands in his pockets.

There where no conversations at all. Sometimes Frank whispers some words to Angela. Sweet nothings, trying to calm her nerves.

_"Dr. Isles." I answered my phone after the second ring. I had no clue what horror was waiting on the other end of the line._

_"Dr. Isles, it's me Korsak," I was already highly alerted at his tone._

_"What happened?"_

_"Jane. She's…"_

_"On my way," I didn't even grab a jacket or my purse or anything. It was the first time I drove my car without any documents. It didn't matter. I didn't know what happened, but Korsak sounded really scared and so was I._

_I rushed into Mass. Gen. and Angela, Frank, Frankie and Korsak waiting. Angela started crying again after seeing me._

_"Where is she and what happened?" I asked._

_Korsak took me by the elbow and walked with me a few steps away._

_"Hoyt… we split and checked some addresses… and I was to late… I was too late…"_

_"Please tell me what happened?" I asked again._

_"She was… I don't know how… but she somehow… she found Hoyt and texted me, but I was too far away… she didn't wait for me… she went in there alone," he was pale and sweaty and nervous._

_"I found an entry into the basement and Hoyt was leaning over her… I shot him twice… and then… oh God… he had pinned her to the ground… scalpels through her hands… I… I couldn't help her… so much blood…I was too late."_

_I grabbed both of his arms. "Where is she?" My stomach screamed to loose its content._

_"In there…," she motioned for the door towards the OR._

_"Was she unconscious?" I asked further._

_"No but…," he swallowed hard. "She cried and she wouldn't say anything, nothing."_

_"I try to get some information on her condition," I said to him and turned around the corner._

_I didn't come very far, after two steps I leaned against a wall and started crying. For the first time in my life I lost my doctor's patience._

Seven hours and twelve minutes.

_Jane was lying in her hospital bed, turned away from the door. I was standing outside and watched the situation inside through the large window._

_Angela was standing beside Jane and spoke to her. I couldn't hear anything but I saw her lips moving. That time I didn't know if Jane where answering but I saw her flinching violently as Angela tried to touch her shoulder._

_She stayed in the room for another ten minutes, crying and talking. Then she came out slowly. She looked over to me._

_"She refuses to talk, she won't let me touch her," she sobbed. "Maybe she will talk to you."_

_I swallowed. I wasn't sure about that. "I don't know Angela. I don't know what happened and I don't know how she will react to me."_

_Angela looked up for some seconds. I steadied myself and opened the door to her room. I walked slowly around her bed and before I could look at her, she visible scooted to the other side of the mattress._

_I was helpless for a moment. Did she move away from me in fear of me touching her? She looked up to me and her eyes ask me to sit. So I sat down beside her, carefully not to hurt her._

_"Will I ever be able to hold my gun again?" she asked me whispering._

_I cupped her left cheek with my hand and she started to cry._

Seven hours and forty-two minutes.

_"Please you have to eat something…,"the nurse started as I walked into the room. Just as Jane slapped the fork out of the nurses hand with her elbow._

_As the nurse spotted me she got up and walked out of Jane's room. I sat down wordless on her mattress._

_"Doesn't look very delicious," I stated. "I got you something."_

_I pulled a small take-out container out of my purse._

_"If you let me fed you the half of your meal there may be some tiramisu waiting for you."_

_"As the genius you are and as an employee of the law enforcement you should know that bribing is prosecutable," she wasn't really able to hide her smile._

_"Maybe you are worth it to break some laws," I grinned. "Jane, why are you refusing to speak to anyone but me?"_

_She looked at me for a moment and then turned her head. I cupped her left cheek and locked our glances._

_"Don't do that Jane. You don't have to answer if you don't want, but don't push me out. I only ask because you mother and Korsak are both desperate."_

_She sighed long and heavy. "Because. Because Ma will only fuss about how dangerous my job is and how I could be doing better and that I need someone to take care of me, need to marry someone, settling down, pop out her grandchildren, bla, bla, bla. And Korsak? How I am supposed to look in his eyes again? And all the others? Frankie and all the other cops, they know how stupid it was of me and…"_

_"Hey, hey. Maybe it was stupid, but you went in there for a reason. You went in there because you thought Dr. Catrell was still alive and she was and she is, because of you. I know you only acted on your instincts and Detective Korsak would have done the same. No one is mad at you or thinks poorly of you. You saved her life and blessedly your partner arrived just in time to save yours also."_

Seven hours and fifty-four minutes.

There is movement at the door and before the doctor can even say the first letter of her name I am on my feet.

I already could see on his face that it would be bad news he had to tell. Instantly silent tears streamed down my face.

"Dr. Steven Langley. I assisted Dr. Slucky during surgery. We could stop the bleeding and had to transfuse a lot of blood. The bullet went through her liver but it also damaged her right lung, her heart and her superior caval vein."

I closed my eyes and tried to prepare myself for his next words.

"She will be transferred to ICU while we talk. We are really sorry but I have to tell you, that she is far from stable and that only time can show if she will make it."

Angela sobbed loudly and my whole mind went blank, I could not remember any question I wanted to ask.

"I am really sorry I have no better news for you but we do everything in our power to help her. If you want you can go to see her. Dr. Slucky will meet you as soon as possible at the ICU. I am really sorry."

Angela grabbed my hand and squeezed it hard. The whole way over to ICU she didn't let go of it. We trot like a cortège through the hallway onto the other side of the building. I felt like I walked up to her funeral.

We were led into a small room with some chairs, one of it holding a stack of scrubs, surgical caps and masks. There was a huge window with closed white blinds which where opened from a nurse on the other side.

My eyes were never leaving the slowly becoming visible sight of Jane while I dressed myself in a state of trance. I will be never able to really forget the horrible scene in front of me.

The love of my life like a lifeless shell, attached to every life-sustaining-machine a hospital has available.

I went for the bathroom to wash my hands, as I saw her blood circling into the sink, mixing with water I hadn't nearly enough time to reach the toilet before my stomach contents were in my mouth. I threw up until I was totally empty and not even bile would be coming out anymore.

**Thank you very much for your time.**

 

 


	24. The first night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

 

_**I went to the bathroom to wash my hands, as I saw her blood circling into the sink, mixing with water I hadn't nearly enough time to reach the toilet before my stomach contents were in my mouth. I threw up until I was totally empty and not even bile would be coming out anymore.** _

Maura's POV

After Jane's trauma surgeon had talked to us. I let Angela and Frank walk in first, to see her. I wouldn't leave her side anyway if I was once inside the room.

Frank leaded his wife relatively fast out of the room again, she had broken down completely beside Jane's bed.

Jane's father leaned over towards me and put his hand on my shoulder. "She needs some fresh air. I'll bring you some coffee," he whispered.

"Would you like for me to accompany you?" Korsak asked me. I didn't know what would happen once her smell would mix into the trouble I had already with the view in front of me.

I nod once, silently. He opened the door for me and I took an audible deep breath before I stepped over the threshold.

There she was. Pale and powerless between the white sheets of a hospital bed, wires and tubes coming out and going into her. Chest tube atrium on the floor, endotracheal tube, intensive respirator and her wrists bound to the bed.

I know why they did so, but my first shocked response was a loud gasp. "Are they insane? She will be panicking when she wakes up, pinioned."

There was a hand on my shoulder and squeezed me lightly. "I'll make sure they take them off, immediately." Korsak whispered.

Her cardiogram was flat but constant, for now. Her pulse, so low. After all she wasn't over the worst. Even if she obviously had tried to minimize the damage, the angle the bullet had entered her was far from optimal. She seems to not have calculated that they had both fought for her gun. It could have been worse but it was far from harmless.

I sensed body heat beside me and without moving my eyes from Jane I slowly shoved my hand in Detective Frost's, between our bodies.

Knowing how much they both cared for each other I felt the need to connect with him for some moments. I needed it and he needed it too. Before he left, after just a few minutes, he squeezed my hand slightly. Sending sympathy, without any words. Lieutenant Cavenaugh sighed heavily beside me, staying just some seconds. Touching Jane's shoulder once and while he turned around patting my left upper arm twice.

Apart from my little breakdown in the bathroom I was apparently still not able to feel. It was horrible, but I felt like I was inside of a vacuum. I was waiting for my long overdue emotional apocalypse and the longer it lasts the worse it would be.

Frank brought me a large coffee and pulled a chair for me towards Jane's bed and before he left towards Frankie's room he whispered into my ear. "You don't have to be so strong," his large hand caressed surprisingly soft one time over the back of my head. Then I was alone with Jane.

The next time the nurse came to check on Jane she freed her wrists and fixed her fingers lightly with a gauze bandage. In case Jane tried subliminal to pull at her attachments, she wasn't able to do it.

I sat down beside her and my right hand wandered under her blanket onto her right thigh. The moment I touched her skin my breakdown came full-force.

I had cried often in my life but what was wrecking my body now was the furthest away from just crying. I felt like I had frozen inside, like I had shattered into million pieces, like I never knew what happiness felt like. I didn't remember how it was to be happy.

It's hard to explain. Maybe dying felt like this. It felt like something was heavily sitting on my chest. Preventing me from breathing, preventing me from being alive. Panic, the strongest fear I've ever felt, deep down to the core.

At some point my brain must have shut off. Shielding me from the grief and the overwhelming emptiness. I woke to a hand on my shoulder. Detective Korsak besides me.

"Come on, doc. This one is much more comfortable." He had brought me a recliner, obviously from the hospital. I didn't know how long I was out, but it must have been a number.

"I took Bass home with me," he whispered. I stared towards the floor. I had totally forgotten that Bass was still down in the lab. "If you give me a key I take care of Jo, too."

I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat unbearable. I cleared my throat three times before I was able to at least rasp an answer. "My purse and keys are in my office."

"Okay. I'll drive back to the precinct and get your things. Do you need anything from home?"

"There is an emergency back in the trunk of my car," as he was about to turn around I grabbed his hand. "Thank you."

He smiled, sadly and left. I pulled the new chair beside Jane's bed, so that my face was turned towards hers. I sat down, pulled the blanket over me, let myself sink back and my hand returned back to its place on Jane's thigh.

There were no more tears left for the moment, only emptiness and coldness.

Coldness! I never thought it was possible to feel cold with Jane in the same room.

_"Your hands are so much better than a hot-water bag," I whispered into the darkness._

_Jane nuzzled her nose into my hair. "Turn around," she also whispered. As I did she turned around herself, now me being the big spoon._

_"Scoot down a little and press your belly to my butt. The pressure and the warmth is incredible helpful. I discovered it the first time I got my menstruation while we are a couple."_

_I did as she told me and she was right. I never had much problem but the first night was always unpleasant. But like she said, the pressure was taking away the dragging pain and her usually hot body temperature soothing the tense muscles._

_"Thank you," I whispered and Jane laughed._

_"What for? For being your living hot-water bag?"_

_"For everything. For being my pillow, my heater, my hot-water bag, my protector, my lifeline, my heart, my soul. For being you and for loving me for being me."_

_She brought her hand over mine on her abdomen. "I love you too, Maura. Very, very much."_

A small smile hushed for a second across my features. Sometimes, after all those month, I still hardly could believe that she is mine, mine alone and that I am privileged to experience the whole fascinating elemental force that is Jane Rizzoli.

I saw her crying, grieving, nearly breaking, fighting, physically and emotionally. Saw her struggling, fearing, worrying, caring. But nothing compares to the force she loves with. You can literally feel it in the air. Static electricity. And it feels like heaven to be at the receiving end of it.

Her eyes are my favourite part of her, always. They can tell you everything. I never thought it was possible to tell so much with using your eyes only. Her eyes can threat and intimidate and scare. I have seen suspects, murders breaking under her gaze. They can laugh and joke and grin. They can show exactly how annoyed she is. They love and care and respect.

They are melting me every time. We communicate with glances, we love with them. Sometimes she looks at me like she's starving and I am the last eatable thing on earth.

_Jane is standing behind me, watching me, finishing my night routine, applying my moisturizing cream. Our eyes meet in the mirror and I stop immediately doing what I was doing, holding her glance. It is one of her looks that makes me shivering, let goose bumps erupting all over my skin and I can feel myself getting wetter by every second passing._

_I can never break a gaze like that. It is like suppressing a sneeze or an orgasm. It won't work, however hard you try to._

_She moves closer towards me, feeling her breath on my neck._

_"Frost told me last week that he's jealous. That we are having more and better sex with our eyes than he had for real in his entire life," she whispered hot against my right ear._

Another small and short smile hushed over her face.

During the case at the 'Merch' we had decided to tell the rest of Jane's family and her partners about our relationship.

_I sat in the lab finishing the last DNA-swab from the collected glasses as Jane burst through the door._

_"You'll never going to believe me what I just overheard. They have a damn bet running about you and I."_

_"A bet?"_

_"Yes. I was walking over to the van and I think they thought their mic was already off. They were talking about us. Frost said something like 'How can two people be so smart and yet so blind' and Korsak answered 'I tell you again, kiddo. They are a couple already or they just…you know' Can you believe that?"_

_She sat down on the table beside me. "Are we that obvious?"_

_"I don't know," I answered smiling. "But how about we don't tell them and turn up the heat a little more?"_

_Jane watched me for a moment. "You know what, that's a great idea but how are we doing this without being too obvious?"_

_I got up from my chair and started processing the DNA extracted and after that I turned back to Jane, invading her personal space with standing between her legs and bending slightly forward to her._

_"Oh there is so much we can do. We can stand a little closer." I took another small step, being as close as I could get without actually touching her._

_"We can hold our glances a little longer," I connected my eyes with hers._

_"We can touch a little more and longer than usually," I put my hands onto her shoulders and grazed my fingertips along her neck._

_I bent my head down, my lips to her left ear. "We can whisper a lot more." I kissed her jaw._

_"That would totally give us away," she giggled._

_"The kiss was out of sequence. Because I just can't pass the opportunity…" I kissed her lips gently but passionate. "Being all alone down here with you in the middle of the night."_

_"We are not alone, there are enough people upstairs," she whispered hoarsely. The air in the room was getting thicker and we were both aware that it was already a lost battle to fight._

_"I am very well aware of this, but until there is a call to a crime scene the lab and the morgue are unoccupied." I whispered back, grabbing the lapels of her jacket._

_"We agreed not to do anything like that at work," a last attempt to stop what would happen next._

_"I am very well aware of this too, but watching all of these women touching you and flirting with you and knowing I am the lucky one you are going home with…" I took her hands and placed them directly on my breasts under my unbuttoned lab-coat._

_"And I am very well aware of you being as much as turned on as me. I was turned on the moment I saw my attire for tonight, knowing you would look and you did." I bent down a little further, lowering my voice even more._

_"As you made eye contact after I bent down in front of you I had to restrain myself not to come right there. You have no idea what your eyes can do to me."_

_Before I knew what was happening our roles were reversed. She was standing between my legs, lowering me down to the table._

_"And you have no idea what your voice does to me," she hissed. I let my right index finger slowly sliding down her zipper of her pants._

_"If it is nearly the same your voice does to me I might have an idea about that," sliding up the same path._

_"You should be soaked right now," down again._

_"I am."_

_"Me too and I think you should do something about that right now…," before I could end my sentence I had already forgotten what I was about to say. She had moved my thong aside and two of her gracious fingers started stroking tenderly through the mount of wetness._

_My left fingers desperately fumbled open her button and zipper and without hesitation my hand was in her panties. Quickly her breathing was matching mine frenzied one. It was rare that we got directly on it. Both of us loving too much the body and skin contact, the long and tender kisses, sharing kindness and affections._

_Enjoying the so called 'foreplay' so much more as 'the act' itself. It would be frustrating after all as it was nearly impossible for me to hold on longer than a minute when she touched the right places._

_A long-drawn-out moan escaped my lips as she slowly entered me with her two fingers and I could already feel my muscles tensing up. She helped me getting her equally worked up, moving her hip against my hand._

_We were getting better at using our non-dominant hands but having hardly space to move inside her panties didn't make it easier._

_But we weren't hardly 'Boston's perfect team' if some complications in the bedroom or on a lab table, in this particular case, would stop us._

_With Jane loving me I tend to be extremely loud and for the sake of still a last bit of professionalism I bit down hard into my own wrist. Jane on the other hand wasn't really loud but neither silent. She usually moaned in a deep sound but in a whispering alike volume._

_When she wasn't near my ears, my voice would drown hers but always I could feel the vibrating from her sound chasing through my body._

_The grunting sound coming from me, given the fact my arm was in my mouth, would have embarrassed me in the past. We held our glance for a moment and burst out in a fit of laughter. Still inside each other it was a hilarious atmosphere. Both of us laughing hard, the aftermath of our climaxes still lingering and the small movements caused from giggling relighting the fire._

Jane's first blood results in the early morning hours were fatal. Her WBC's were over the roof, her HGB were much too low and her way to high Hct was adding more worries to the whole state.

Her white blood cells were high because of her internal fight, maybe there was also an infection, that would have to keep under observation. Her red blood cells were probably so low because of the amount of blood she had lost what could also explain her high aspartate aminotransferase, but it could also been a result from her damaged liver. Her high hematocrit value could also arise from her damaged liver, and could possible result into a thrombosis.

She was fighting a high fever and violently shivering attacks. I was never ever more scared in my whole life, my blithe memory of our first encounter at work was long faded. Sitting there and watching all of it happening without being able to help made me angry. All my doctoral degrees, my knowledge, my education was futile, useless. Sitting there, only to watch her condition becoming aggravated.

_"Will I ever be able to hold my gun again?" she asked me whispering._

_I cupped her left cheek with my hand and she started to cry._

_We knew each other just for a little about a month, to be exactly fifty-four days including the eleven days between our first encounter in the café and the second in the morgue. I never saw her crying before. I never saw another Jane than the sarcastic, self confident, though one. Except from that she was nice, humorous, chivalrous, but I never saw the vulnerable Jane._

_The first eleven days and nights I had mostly just the hots for her, as they say. I would wake up more than once a night desperately aroused. It was never as badly as with her. Sometimes a date of mine or a man I saw while jogging cursed a little sting, but it was mostly the thought about sex itself, stirring arousal. Never the person, until I met the prostitute without a name._

_I never wanted something or someone as much as I wanted her._

_Wanted to feel her fiercely eyes raking over my skin. Her perfect lips on every part of my body. Feeling her prominent chin between my teeth. Her strong hands cupping my bottom, my breasts, my face._

_Her long and lean fingers caressing me, driving me out of my mind. Her raw voice, even rougher from arousal, whispering to me._

_After our first lunch together another feeling was slowly invading me. I liked her, humanly. I wouldn't go as far as to say I loved her but I was falling and I was falling fast and hard._

_Sitting here, holding her falling apart in my arms I knew I was lost. In this moment I knew I was in love with her and I would swim the seven seas for her._

_Jane was in need of a friend and I would be her friend whatever it costs, even if it would mean ending up in the 'friend-department' forever. I pulled her into my arms and let her shed every tear that would escape._

_We got emotionally closer each and every day but to anyone beside me she refused to speak. I knew why she didn't want to talk to some other than me and it needed a threat to transfer her towards a mental ward_ _from her doctor after nine days to cause a 'Jane Rizzoli outburst', a right royal dressing down._

_"What do you want me to say? That I was stupid, going down there without backup? That I was an idiot not watching my own back? That it was reckless to risk not only the life of that woman but mine as well and possibly that of my partner, too? That I can be glad my partner saved my sorry ass? Or do you want me to say that I am scared to hell that I never ever can do my damn job again? That I never will be able to hold my gun again? That I can be grateful if I can wipe my own ass one day? Well there you have it and now please leave!"_

_She turned her face to me and smirked. "He totally fooled me, didn't he?"_

_"I think he did," I answered smiling before we both broke out into a fit of laughter._

Jane had overcome the worst nightmares, won against the worst monsters and now a microscopically small entity should break her. No. If it was necessary I would have to fly in the best physician you could possible get for money.

_"Korsak won't talk to me," she said slumping down into the chair in front of my desk._

_I watched her for some moments carefully. "Did you explain it to him?"_

_"What is there to explain? Hey Korsak, thank you for saving my ass but I can't work with you, because you saw me down there like a wreck." She was upset and her voice was higher than usually._

_"Jane," I lowered my voice to calm her down. "You aren't a wreck. You are the bravest and strongest person I have ever seen. You fought so hard to get your job back. You are back, two months later and you didn't let him take away your life. You should talk to Detective Korsak, I am sure he will understand it if you are honest with him. You know him. Do you really think he will judge your feelings and fears? I don't think so."_

_"How can he probably trust me ever again?"_

_"How can he not? I would trust you. I trust you with my life and nothing that could happen would ever make me think otherwise."_

_She stared at me for a moment before she got up and walked towards the door. "I hope you remember your words when it happens, Maura. I truly hope so."_

The next incoming results confirmed a foudroyant, peracute, progrediant, manifest infection, a life-threatening one. High erythrocyte sedimentation rate, her C-reaktives Protein was over 200 mg/L, her leukocytes were over 45000µl. Administeringbroad-spectrum antibiotic, specifically amoxicillin there was only time, time to wait, time to hope, time to pray and time to take test after test and again time to sit tight and wait.

**As always thank you for sacrificing your time and bearing with me.** **Hope you all have a nice week.**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	25. Unexpected support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, girls, pals… So I have to move some things in the 'original story'
> 
> "Rebel Without A Pause" has to happen earlier, bc I need Maura's parents – bc of changing Jane's and Maura's relationship to each other comparedwith the show.
> 
> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

_**The next incoming results confirmed a foudroyant, peracute, progrediant, manifest infection, a life-threatening one. High erythrocyte sedimentation rate, her C-reaktives Protein was over 200 mg/L, her leukocytes were over 45000µl. Administering broad-spectrum antibiotic, specifically amoxicillin there was only time, time to wait, time to hope, time to pray and time to take test after test and again time to sit tight and wait.** _

Maura's POV

I never thought I could ever get that unprofessional. At seven this morning I got into a horrible fight with Jane's day-nurse. She asked me, in a harsh tone, to leave the room while she would be changing the dressings and after refusing, it got a little heated, although little is way too understated.

After a five minutes long discussion, with arguing back and forth I threw 'the sentence of my life' at her.

"I already had my tongue in places you will never be going to touch with your fingers."

God! I am so relieved, glad and thankful for just a tiny moment that Jane didn't hear this. She would have probably killed me and for sure she is going to kill me when she wakes up after what I did a few minutes ago.

I didn't want it but I left her side for about ten minutes, asking Detective Korsak to stay with her. I called my mother and now her room is paid, turned into a private room and we got private nurses for day and night care from an agency. I know she will be furious with me but I am not in a state to manage constant fights about trivia.

Her trauma surgeon is kind of odd but he seems well professional but who I am to judge about his personality, I was called weird my whole life.

Jane's state wasn't getting any better. I permanently wiped her hot and sweaty face with a wet washcloth, could feel the heat radiating from her body through the duvet. Whispering all the time that I love her and that it would get better soon, maybe more trying to convince myself.

My emotional condition went from being afraid to crying, to numb, to angry, to helpless, to being worried. Back and forth. The feeling of having something under control, after speaking with my mother, wore off to fast for my own liking.

I was bent-forward, my head on Jane's hip, my hand constantly holding contact with her thigh as I felt a touch on my shoulder I would be able to feel out of a million touches. Not because it was particularly affectionate but for the simple reason that I had longed for this touch so often and had felt it so rare.

"Mom," she squeezed my shoulder and her thumb touched the skin on my neck slightly.

"What are you doing here, not that I don't like you being here but you said you were busy last week as I called you and…" I think I had started rambling because she lent down and kissed the top of my head.

"After I saw on the news what happened yesterday I got on a plane. I was already in Boston, on my way towards the hotel when you called me. There is no place I would rather be." Instead of saying anything I put my hand on top of hers and squeezed it thankfully.

_We were standing in front of my parent's house in Neuilly-sur-Seine in Paris. I took a firm hold on Jane's hand and laced our fingers together. She smiled at me and we kissed softly a last time before I rung the doorbell._

_My mother opened the door by herself and I was slightly confused. "Maura darling, why didn't you tell me Jane would accompany you." I was about to answer that I would explain it later further, as my father came into my eyesight. Arms widely spread and a whisper of 'mon chér' on his lips._

_My father was rarely attendant but if he was, he was always more affectionate than my mother._

_*"Papa, tu m'as manqué."_

_"I have missed you too, Maura."_

_After my mother had asked to extend the table setting for another place and the dinner was served I started to play nervously with my fork._

_If my parents were going to approve our relationship or not wouldn't change anything between Jane and I but after my mother and I had gotten 'better' it would possibly hurt a lot if they wouldn't support us._

_I had played the whole scenario a thousand times in my head and even as my mother was an artist and had a lot of friends who where homo- or bisexual and the Isles-Foundation supporting a lot of societies, fighting for equality or integration, I was going to lose my courage._

_"Darling is there anything burdening you?" my mother asked and it was deathly silent for some moments, until my father laughed lightly, carefree._

_"Constance darling, I think our daughter is weighting her options how to tell us that Jane and her are a_ _pair_ _of_ _lovers."_

_My jaw dropped instantly and I stared at him as he had lost his mind._

_"Seems the cat is out of the bag already," Jane stated dryly._

_"It seems so…," I stuttered._

_I looked over to Jane who smiled genuinely, looked over to my father, down at my hands, back towards my father, opened my mouth, closed it again and starred back at my hands. The next time I opened my mouth only one word left my lips quietly. "How…?"_

_My father smiled smugly. "After your mother told my how Jane had given her a piece of her mind and how happy you seemed in her company, how much you had changed I told her either you were a couple or on the best way to become one."_

_I looked from him towards my mother and found only truly happiness on her face, for once I noticed even her eyes smiling at me. I was so much relieved and happy, just as happy as I ever could be I didn't even think a second about what my father had said._

_Wait! A piece of her mind? I had already hypothesized that Jane had said something to my mother at her installation but I never assume anything and so I had dropped it quickly. But what my father had said confirmed my suspicion. I would have to ask my mother about that, later._

_"I assumed you would prefer to enjoy your privacy, so while we are having dinner Pierre prepares the guesthouse for you both to stay," my mother said after her first bite of dessert._

_"That's very thoughtful of you, mother. But Jane and I reserved a room at the Ritz."_

_I never wanted to stay in a hotel during our visit, but we both agreed that it would be better to be prepared in case my parents weren't content with our relationship._

_"Well…I think I speak for your father as well when I say we would be happy for you to stay," there was an odd sound in the voice of my mother and suddenly I remembered how I had felt as she told me she had booked a room to stay while she was in Boston._

_I smiled at both of my parents. "We would love to stay."_

_Shortly after we retracted into the guesthouse our luggage was delivered and I had quickly unpacked everything while Jane opened a bottle of champagne waiting in a cooler on the living room table for us._

_"Thank you," I took the glass from Jane and smiled at her. "That went really well," sipping at the drink and placing it on the coffee table. The urge to kiss Jane, really kiss her was pressing._

_We share three different kinds of kisses._

_The peck, only used to connect with each other if someone is nearby. The only kiss we share when we are not alone. Not because we are ashamed to share our deeply running bond with others but we both agree that this kind of affection isn't one we like to share in public view._

_The work-kiss, never used in the bullpen but behind closed doors in my office. Used to hold the passion at bay but showing off love. A kiss that can last a few seconds or the full amount of our lunch time but never gets fiery. Sharing love and affection. This kiss can mean 'I missed you all morning', 'I know its being rough all day long but it will all be okay again', it can mean 'Thank you' and 'Hold on', it can mean 'I am proud of you' and 'I am sorry'._

_The 'one and only kiss', the one we share in private. The deep and feverish kind of kiss, the one that leaves me breathless and burning in every cell. The one that makes my brain useless, my knees weak and my heartbeat going crazy. It hasn't any rules. It can be slow or fast, soft or fierce, affectionate or rough but it always consumes me. The 'one and only' isn't defined by how we kiss but by how it makes me feel. This kiss isn't Detective Rizzoli and Dr. Isles, not Jane and Maura. This kiss is just us, whole, an unison, deep pure love._

_Before we shared our first 'one and only' kiss at this night an idea or more of an impulsive fantasy crossed my mind and I had to fight not to forget it during the kissing. I grabbed the zipper on my back and slowly unzipped my dress._

_Pulling slowly away from Jane's lips I took small steps backwards, gently lowering the straps of my dress down my shoulders and arms. Wiggling my body, to help gravity to pull it over my breast and hips, until it pooled around my feet._

_Jane followed me like a panther its prey, same slowly steps,_   _delicately striding with her long legs, never letting go of our eye contact. Unbuttoning her shirt._

_Stepping out of my dress, still taking only whispers of steps backwards I repeated the teasingly slow procedure with first my bra and then my panties, leaving me only in heels._

_Walking still backwards over to the pool I kicked off my Manolo Blahnik's and slowly walked down the steps into the water, completely nude. Jane loosened her slacks somewhere on the wooden deck, flinging her bra and cheeky panties behind her, following me, never picking up her pace._

_The day had been one of the hottest in Paris this June and even as it was already dark the temperature hadn't really sunk down. The pool was much more like a lagoon, a stripe of palms, surrounded by a stone garden, blocking the view from the main house almost entirely._

_The water was warmed by the sun and I slowed down with each step, waiting for Jane to catch up. As she was only an arm-length away from me I reached out and pulled her flushed against me._

_The moment our lips touched I jumped her, arms and legs around her body I clung at her so firmly if it wasn't for our different complexion you weren't able to locate where one ended and the other began._

_Even as Jane was the one who was wearing the pants usually, and this idiom even I understand, we haven't any 'roles'. Even if Jane sometimes pretends jokingly to be more 'the guy' it is just her nature to be a real tomboy than any role allocation. But I like being the girly girl, the one that got fulfilled every wish by her, being treated like a queen, like her queen._

_I am constantly turned on by her strength, her courage, her bravery, her protective instincts. I love it that she is taller than me and that I have to stand on my tiptoes, wearing no heels, to kiss her. I love her work-out steeled body that is although so different from any men's body, even if she can keep up with every one of them. I love her chivalrously behaviour, opening doors for me, reaching out for me to help me out of the car, her hand on the small of my back, pulling out a chair for me, helping me into my jacket or coat._

_I love being carried by her. She walked us slowly over to the right side of the pool and pressed my back gently against it. Seamlessly pressed together, we kissed until my lungs were screaming in protest. Bodies sliding against each other as I shove my self up to catch my breath. The water swirling between us, as it found a gap, was heightening the sensation that was building up quickly._

_I wouldn't quite declare myself as constantly horny notwithstanding that sex has a lot of benefits but only Jane could do that to me, without even exactly trying it. Sometimes it is a look or her voice or a move that makes me instantly hot and wet and willingly. And there is no more shame about that, I am not even sure it was ever there, with her. We are only going without making love once a day if it is absolutely inevitable._

_Martha McClintock's study about synchronization of the menstrual cycle of women which are living together was often heavily_ _criticized_ _and compromised but_ _I witnessed the changes in this researched field by myself. In seven month, we are practically living together, we are nearly timed perfectly. Jane will go first and I follow her within the scope of two days. So we are being sidelined for about six days in a row once a month._

The hand of my mother startled me. "Maura darling is there anything I can do?" I shook my head and felt the tears rose again. A lonely one made its way over my face.

"I wish I could. I wish I wasn't so useless, helpless. There is nothing else I can do than to sit here and wait. Nothing I learned is going to help her. She was always there and did everything she could to help me, to guide me, to support me and now I am doomed to be a spectator. For once I could be the one to help, to be useful and I can't."

"I am sure if she could hear you right now, she would give you a piece of her mind. You are not useless. I am myself not patient enough to wait for anything, but if you say there is nothing we can do than what already is been done, then there isn't and we can only wait. I am here, Maura. I am going to be here as long as it takes and your father is going to come as fast as he can get a plane out of Bolivia."

My mother took hold of both of my hands.

"Your Detective might not be the demure in person but she loves you unconditionally and very, very much and she pushed me just enough to accept that I lied myself into blindness. I am grateful she woke me up right in time to understand how much I hurt you and that it was someday maybe too late to ask for another chance."

"I can't live without her. I thought I was independent and I never needed anyone but she showed me how much I really missed. Not only what I missed out in life but also what I never knew I really needed. I always knew daddy and you loved me, in your own way. There were hundreds of men who desired to share my bed. But she is my once in a life and I don't know how to live without her anymore. If anything happens to her I am going to die, emotionally."

_She pushed me out of the water on the edge of the pool and jumped left beside me. Trying not to break our kiss making us both laugh. She was about to sink down to her left pulling me with her as I stopped her with both of my hands on her biceps._

_"No," I whispered into her ear. I let myself sink into the opposite direction and pulled her with me. Wrapping my legs around her, the insteps of my feet caressing the insides of her calves._

_"I want you up there. I want to feel your whole weight on top of me and your body between my legs. I want you close and I want to feel your musculus gluteus maximus contract under my fingers and I want to leave imprints of my fingernails there." I smiled at her._

_"And I can't do that if you lie on…,"the rest of my words died in a moan as she rolled her hips once against my sex. She was holding herself up on her underarms, one on each side of my head. Her left hand was on the side of my face, my ear between her index and middle finger, her pinkie caressing my neck and her thumb stroking my lower lip. Her right hand was playing with my hair._

_Her face was just mere inches away from mine and her eyes roamed over it._

_"Jesus Maura, sometimes I just can't overcome how beautiful you are," she whispered._

_"You know you don't have to pretend to be nice. I am already naked and on my back," I whispered back, holding her gaze._

_"Aren't we romantic tonight, Dr. Isles." I love the way she whispers my title just as much as she loves it when I call her Detective._

_"We are. Always…," I breathed shivering. "Touch me please, Jane. Anywhere but just touch me."_

_Her right hand left my hair, her index finger came in contact with my lips and I kissed it once before it slid down to my chin over my throat to my sternum where our bodies touched. Taking a curve along the outside of my left breast it took its way down my side to my hipbone._

_She spread her fingers over my left buttock and pulled me closer to her initiating a deep and passionate kiss._

_Never particular an admirer of French kisses I found myself in love with Jane's tongue the first time she requested mine for a slow but sensual dance. Dreams except for nightmares are mostly pleasant but not even in my wildest dreams I ever suspected her to be that incredible in application of that particular muscle, despite the area._

_Even if I tried I would never be able to forget the first time I climaxed on her tongue. Jane is my first for nearly anything and she is going to be my first time outside._

_I spread the fingers of both of my hands over her buttocks and my thumbs pressed on her hipbones, lifting her slightly and pulling my right leg between hers. Pressing my foot flat to the ground, her sex came in contact with the junction between my thigh and my pelvis._

_Starting to move slightly underneath her I felt the hard ground against my skin. I wasn't one for sex with 'battle wounds' as Jane called them but sometimes I left some bite or scratch marks on her and tomorrow I would be the one marked. Marked from the raw surface of the paving rubbing and scraping against the skin of my backside, but I would wear and bear them with pride._

_I ran my fingertip over her backside, I could blindly draw a picture of her. Knowing every inch of her like my own, feeling the twitches of muscles I touched, rising goose bumps under my caresses, sensing shivers triggering from my strokes._

_I never could pin the feeling down that flooded me every time I caused her body to react. Pride, relief, gladness, happiness, relaxation, joy, pleasure, satisfaction,_   _delight, passion, lust, love. Not one of it itself was doing any justice but combined it could come close to my sensation._

_This night brought another first with it. For the first time sleeping with Jane I didn't exactly know what I wanted, what I needed. Without realizing I was tensed through the whole day, not knowing what to expect from my parents and I needed Jane like I needed air to breath. I wanted everything at once. I wanted to share sweet and gentle love, I wanted it to go on for hours but a small part of me wanted her to take me, claim me, fuck me._

_I would leave the decision to Jane, she always knew how to read me and never left anything for me to request._

_The sound of splashing water mixed with a moan, as my flat hand slammed down on the liquid surface the moment Jane rolled her hip again, causing her thigh to move against me. She started a slow paced, steady rhythm, rolling her hip and tensing her muscles between my own legs._

"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory," my mother whispered beside me and I did something I haven't done since I turned five. My head tilt to the left side and came to rest on my mothers shoulder and without hesitation her cheek pressed to my forehead.

_I walked barefoot over the grass and the terrace leading towards the house of my parents, rounding the corner and walked into the kitchen from outside. My mother had send the staff away, knowing I didn't like it in the rare occasion we were together as a family and was now standing in a robe at the counter sipping a cup of coffee. Smiling about the even more of rarer sight of my mother not put together like the president would walk in any minute I joined her._

_"Good morning, darling," she smiled at me. "Tea or coffee?"_

_"Good morning mother, I prefer coffee in the morning since I was in college," it wasn't my intention to hurt her with my comment but I saw a sad expression slipping over her face for a split second._

_While she started to work on a cup for me I mustered up the courage to ask the question I had wanted to ask her since dinner._

_"What did Jane say to you at your installation?"_

_"Maybe you should ask Jane," she answered without looking towards me._

_"She won't tell me if I ask."_

_"Maybe then it is not a good idea if I would answer this question."_

_"She would tell me. It is not that she would have it to be a secret, she's just to humble to tell or brag about something like that. She would never tell that she stood up or defended me. I know she does, I patched her up several times," my face scrunched at the thought of Jane injured because of me._

_My mother looked at me silently for some moments. "Well it's a good thing I only received the verbal version of your Detective," she laughed._

_"Well… she made it very clear that my behaviour had hurt you and that she wasn't going to let that happening ever again and she opened my eyes that no one was ever too old to be a parent or a child. She showed me that regardless of how successful, educated or independent you are you never stopped reaching out for me and it made me sad that someone I met for the first time had the courage to face me and showed me how terrible I, we failed you."_

_"You don't…,"I started but my mother cut me off quickly._

_"Don't Maura. She was right and I was too. We failed you, terribly. We were caught up in our own life's. We took that small, smart, cute little blonde girl with those amazing, inquisitive eyes for guarantee. You were so smart Maura and we thought it was a good thing to let you be independent, but we were wrong. God we were so wrong."_

_She took hold of both of my hands._

_"I should have been kissing you goodnight, sitting by your side when you were sick, listening to all you wanted to tell me. We were so proud of you, we are but for the wrong reasons. I know every one of your grades, every thing you accomplished but I don't know all the things a mother should know."_

_She took a deep breath._

_"I don't know the name of the one you kissed for the first time. I don't know if it was a boy or a girl. I don't know any of your friends. I don't know when you were in love for the first time. Hell, I didn't even ask why you and Garrett broke off or if you needed someone to talk about. I was the worst mother I could ever turn out and I tried to make up my lack of relationship to you with money."_

_I just started to laugh._

_"Language, mother! My first kiss was my first date, it was a boy, his name was Jake and never saw him again. I was eighteen and the first time I fell in love was with Garrett or I thought so. I can't really answer that because love should be unconditional, like the one I share with Jane. It wasn't and that's the reason I broke off with Garrett, I wasn't willing to give up myself to be his wife and I wish you had called me and had told me everything would be fine again. I wish I could have cuddled with you under a blanket, eat an unbelievable amount of chocolate and watch stupid films and could have cried onto your shoulder. But I love you both regardless of everything that could have been different or better."_

_Everything said and done I just ignored the heaviness of our words and asked her about both their plans for the near future. We talked fifteen minutes about hers and my fathers work and next projects._

_"Can I ask you something?"_

_"There is no need to ask for permission," I stated._

_"Does she makes you happy, I mean really happy?"_

_"Yes she does. She makes me laugh all the time. She makes me forget however emotional our workday was. She makes me feel home and loved and worthy and equal. She does everything for me before I even know I need it."_

_My mother seemed very happy about my answer._

_"Can I…," I looked her directly into the eyes and she dropped her request to ask another question._

_"When did you discover that you were interested in both gender?"_

_I smiled genuinely. "The second I laid my eyes onto a very sexy, very sassy and very impertinent Italian goddess dressed as a prostitute."_

_My mothers face went blank for a moment until it dawned her that I was speaking of Jane._

_"She was undercover, it was my first week at work and I didn't know she was a detective but I never felt something like that before. I never was attracted to someone so instantly and so intense."_

_"Well you could have done worse," my mother laughed. "She is quite a piece of art."_

_"Yes and you haven't seen her…" I bit my lower lip. Over-sharing Maura, how often has Jane told you to think before you talk?_

_"Well it is a blessing to meet someone who is capable to keep you satisfied in addition to all the other benefits. She does, doesn't she?"_

_"Are you ready to have 'the talk' with me, Mom?" I asked her grinning._

_"I am not sure, am I?" Her face showed a shy grin, something I saw never happened before._

_"I don't know, but I can assure you there is nothing to complain about, au contraire."_

_There was the shy smile again._

_"Maybe this should be awkward or something but if we want to move on with each other feel free to ask whatever you want, anytime. Maybe it is far less uncomplicated as we skipped the puberal-phase years ago."_

_I took hold on my cup and walked outside, sitting down on the wooden bench staring over to the guesthouse. My sight felt onto the pool as my mother sat down beside me._

_"You two made an extensive use of it last night."_

_"Mhhh," I hummed absent-minded and as I realized what she had said my head snapped towards her._

_She patted my knee with her hand, smiling. "Don't worry I was young once too and I didn't see anything."_

_That better be the truth. I am not prude but having my parents witnessing isn't one of the things I like to happen._

_-I had to make a significant effort to be as silent as possible. Not an easy task as we both gently swayed in direction of oblivion. My head was pressed into my nape and my back arched. I tried to hold my breath in attempt to keep myself quiet. My fingernails dug into Jane's sides and she hissed between low moans._

_She was only seconds away from her climax and the thought of that made it impossible to hold my breath anymore. I growled heavy as my lungs let go of the air I was saving much too long._

_I clung myself harder at Jane._

_"Let go, baby," I whispered, kissing her neck. Hearing her type of moans change did it for me as well. I wasn't as silent as I liked to be but also not as loud as I used to be._

_I am not a screamer but my 'normal' volume is much too loud for a deserted, deathly quiet property in the middle of the night._

_Jane finds it kind of funny that I moan loudly, not at the top of my lungs but loud enough, but her name or other things I tend to whisper. I can't explain why that is so nor does it bother me much._

_My climax wasn't less satisfying as any other I had with Jane but I found myself starving for her. I never can get enough of her, emotionally but on some nights this also applies for my physical need for Jane._

_I don't know how she does it but she knows it, she knows always._

_She slipped into the water, grabbed my legs and turned me towards her. My bottom touched the edge of the water, leaned back on my hands she pulled my feet onto each one of her shoulders. Fingers on my sides, her thumbs stroking tenderly over my hard nipples she wasted no time and dipped her tongue deep into me._

_The rebound was spectacular. The muscles in my arms were hurting violently from the effort to keep my shaking body upright as my orgasm hit me to the point. She pulled out immediately and the moment my climax begun to fade she kissed my clit once and it started all over again and again._

_I lost counting after the fifth time and it could have been easily ten or fifteen or even more times she repeated it. At some point she stopped, heaving herself half out of the water, her pelvis pressing between my legs she kissed me deeply. Softly sucking and licking all over my skin she was going for another one as I had calmed down completely._

_This time she helped me flat to the ground, the back of my thighs on her shoulders, her hands holding my shoulder blades. She pulled out all the stops to make it worth that I would sense every muscle for the next week. Although it was unnecessary, as every kiss of her was worth the most worse pain._

_She did her wonderful magic. To keep me in balance between arousal, anticipation and climax and it is the most enjoyable thing anyone has ever done to me. There is never this moment where you think it will be hurting you physically if you don't come anytime soon._

_The whole experience is like cuddling back into your blanket for another ten minutes, diving into the well deserved hot bath, like milk with honey or the piece of chocolate melting in your mouth you craved a whole day long._

_I pulled her on top of me and stole a well deserved kiss from her. Long and deep, gentle and tender. I didn't need another orgasm, all I needed was Jane's skin on mine as close as possible.-_

_My mother closed her fingers around my knee and leaned into me. "You better hold onto her as tight as you can, there is only such a small chance to find the one that makes you whole."_

I didn't realize how much time had went by but as Frank slid into the room I knew I was daydreaming for nearly two hours. That was their constant rhythm, every two hours Frank would come, bring a coffee and something to eat for me, in order from Angela. He would stay for ten minutes and then he would take a turn with Angela, who stayed for half an hour before returning to Frankie's room next door.

Jane's condition was the same as the whole night and morning. Not better but also not worse.

_*Papa, tu m'as manqué. – Daddy. I have missed you_

**Thank you for reading.**

**Have a nice week.**

**rizzlesshipper4ever.**

 


	26. Hope is the last thing to die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I also have to move "Cuts Like A Knife" into season one…
> 
> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

 

_**Jane's condition was the same as the whole night and morning. Not better but also not worse.** _

Maura's POV

Frankie had woken up for five minutes half an hour before Angela came into Jane's room. It wouldn't be correct to say she was happy but she was better now, how much better as you could be with one child out of the most danger and one child still in a life-threatening condition.

"Have you slept at all, honey?" she asked me.

"Have you slept?" I just asked back and this conversation was over without another word. She knew as well herself that I wouldn't fall back asleep until Jane was better or my body forced me to.

"But you should eat, you don't need to have appetite but if you don't eat you will be at the end of your tether rather quickly," she added matter-of-factly a minute later and I knew she was right. If I wanted to be here for Jane I had to keep myself as much as adequately supplied as possible.

"Has there anything changed?" She asked. I shook my head, looking at her and her state of devastation hit me all at once. The warm-hearted, lovingly, caring, always positive woman was gone and a worn out, pale and distraught stranger with dead eyes looked at me.

Suddenly I felt guilty. I sat there and felt sorry for myself, for my incapacity to help Jane, for the possibility to lose her and here was her mother who had carried Jane right beneath her heart. Had spent amounts of nights worrying about a sick baby, toddler, child, teenager and now once more standing in a hospital fearing about two of her three children, injured in the line of duty.

Adding to all of it there was Tommy, expected to be released from prison before everything went down yesterday, never making it home because he had gotten into a fight. Like his parents. Jane had told me how Frankie had come to her, fearing there might be something wrong with their parents.

Witnessing it on my own after the Boston Marathon, they were welcoming like ever, nice and caring towards us but they barely spoke to each other. Sometimes a couple have their times, Jane had said, but thinking about it and looking at the shadow of my mother-at-heart I knew there was something more.

She slumped down on the abandoned plastic chair on the other side of the bed and I wetted the washcloth again and handed it over to her, nodding inviting. There comes a time when there are no more tears to spill and we both had already reached this stadium, at least for now. Her face looked like she already had lost the last bit of hope but the words she whispered, half of them were mumbled and I didn't understand them, appeared to me more of the state of denial.

Jane should eat more on a regular basis and that it would be good for her to listen to me much more about her chosen food. To work lesser overtime and getting more sleep at night.

My mother cared a lot about Jane and not only because she had helped us to get closer to each other, because she liked her really much. Maybe she loved her even. I had never seen my mother act around someone like she did with Jane and even my father just adopted her right away.

The week in France was like the childhood I never had. We did everything together as a family. We shared every meal, not in the dining room like always. No, we ate on the terrace, without a 'to-perfection' laid table. We had a barbeque, an absolutely non-imaginable. My father got all excited about Jane's explanation how to do a real good barbeque the right way. My mother drank beer from a bottle and Jane and I slept one night in a tent behind the guesthouse. The four of us even played board games every night after the second day.

I couldn't stop to be amazed how she just whirled through my parent's life, never accepting a no for an answer and just did what she liked to do and pulled everyone with her. I found myself asking if I had been more like her, if then my childhood could have been different, warmer, but maybe than everything would be different, maybe we even hadn't ever met.

My mother squeezed my hand once and got up from her chair. She grabbed Angela's shoulders and whispered something to her ear. She told me they would go for a coffee and had asked Angela for permission to visit Frankie. She hadn't ever met Frankie before and I was once more overwhelmed with the appearance of my mother's sense of family, suddenly.

I don't know for how long my mother was gone as Dr. Slucky appeared with Jane's latest blood tests. He sat down in the chair where my mother was seated through the morning and he explained the results to me like I was a five-year-old. Didn't he get I was a doctor too? And his continuous 'we' was hardly to endure.

I started to wipe her face once more and left a lingering kiss on her forehead. I sat down and my hand instantly found its place on Jane's thigh. "She still doesn't response to the antibiotic," I whispered defeated to my mother who had appeared in the threshold.

"Oh Maura," she rubbed with both hands over my shoulders. "I wish I could ease the burden on you."

"You do already enough with being here for me, for Jane."

I laughed without humor. "I am at the point I would consign my soul to the devil if she only would get better."

"We were once there too," my mother whispered. "As we got you I was so afraid of being a worse mother and when you were eight month old you ran a really high fever. We sat beside your crib for three days and nights and I found myself praying to everyone I didn't even believe in. For, don't letting you die because of my mistake. Because of I didn't notice that you were sick before it was nearly too late."

I saw her swallowing visible. "You know your father was always more sentimental towards you." A genuine and warm smile graced her face.

"You were so tiny, just a day old as you arrived and you looked so lost in this huge crib. Your father cradled you the whole night through in his arms and felt asleep on his chair in the library with an original edition of the Grimm Brothers on his lap and you against his chest."

"He let you rarely sleep in your crib until the day you got so terrible sick. He would most nights carry you around the house until you felt asleep and then he brought you into our bed."

A single tear rolled over her cheek. "Then he had to leave for a week and I was alone for the first time and I didn't realise it. You cried so much until you felt asleep exhausted. I thought you missed him and I was so wrong. The night before he came back your little face glowed with heat and I called our doctor and your father rushed back home."

She wiped her face. "Hope is the last thing to die, but something died in both of us in those nights. I blamed myself for you being sick, for being the worse mother I never wanted to be and I truly thought that if I wouldn't be around you and let other people, better people than me, raise you it would be better for you."

I laid my head against the collarbone of my mother.

"After I met with your father leaving from my installation we lay in bed and talked the whole night. He confessed that after you got better he dissociated himself from you because he couldn't stand to lose you. He told me that he hates himself for reacting like that. He said he saw his only chance to survive was to estrange himself from you and so he got attached to his job."

She kissed the top of my skull. "We both know we lost you that day and we know the pain we caused you is irreversible but we got another chance, because of Jane. She gives you everything we never did and I would stand every day for the rest of my life against the storm she becomes when it comes to you, if it means to be a part of your life only for a few hours. I love you, dear. I loved you since the moment I held you for the first time."

If there were tears left to shed I would have cried a river. For the first time in my life I had an answer that I had at least craved the last twenty years for. It wouldn't make my pain melt into thin air but it was something I could work out. Maybe it would never leave me until my last breath but being with Jane had erased the loneliness and most of my insecurities. Adding the growing relationship with my parents there was only one thing missing. Jane, overcoming her injury.

There was a light knock and a middle aged blond woman introduced herself, Jane's nurse for the day. She had already gathered all information about Jane's condition at the nurse station and had asked me if I felt well enough for a short briefing.

"Maura darling, why don't you have a shower and take some minutes just for yourself. I am going to help with Jane in the meantime."

I was about to protest but I knew she was right, like everyone. I needed to eat and to shower and I needed time to just breath for some minutes, despite the fact that I would preferably crawl underneath Jane's skin and stay there for the rest of my life.

"If it makes you feel better you can leave the door ajar. So you still will be within hearing."

I grabbed my bag and walked into the bathroom, closing the door. I trusted my mother to inform me immediately if there were any changes.

For the first time I saw myself in the mirror and if I was shocked as I realised how Angela had looked what I spotted there wasn't any better. My skin was paler than ever, my hair drab and dead, same as my eyes. If I didn't know that was me looking back, I wouldn't have recognized myself.

It wasn't that I cared for my visual appearance anymore but I pointed out my emotional state.

"This is what you look like when you are going to lay on your own table, Dr. Isles," I whispered to myself.

 _"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory."_  My mother had said. Memories, they are everywhere. Most of them are good, but they hurt nonetheless.

_Hot water was running down my skin. Despite the fact that this day could have become easily one of the darkest in the history of Boston, the end of it was one bubble of love and trust._

_It had been another proof for us, a proof of trust. Wanting to save people from harm, it was on me to decide to do the save thing or the right thing._

_The save thing would have been forwarding the responsibility to the governor, my first intention. To shoulder the liability for nearly half a million humans seems too heavy for just Jane and me._

_The right thing was to trust Jane, to trust her competence and her 'gut-feelings' and our capabilities to work hand in hand. Even as I trust her blindly it was a monumentally decision to make. If we screwed up or were wrong with the smallest thing it could be the doom of thousands of innocent people._

_It was Jane who convinced me to do the right thing. Not because she explained it to me, because she showed me, because she was confident and brave and strong and stubborn as always. She wasn't afraid of being rude to me, her brother or to anyone else, she even wasn't afraid to pick a fight with the governor._

_I know I shouldn't be proud of her for behaving like that, but I am. I was never prouder of her. This is Jane. For the right thing to do she would risk anything she has to offer, she would stand up against anyone, even against me and that's exactly why I love her so much._

_A shiver ran down my spine as she lifted her hands to show them Rod Garvey, the same hands that are caressing my hips now._

_It was a hell of a day, performing autopsies with a box cutter on a camping table was nothing I had ever dreamed I would be doing, but after solving the case Jane made up for everything._

_Even if I knew she had only agreed to the marathon for my benefit she was the one who proposed to finish the run._

_It was already dark as we passed the last mile. We turned left, Heartbreak Hill. She looked over to me with a mischievous grin on her face._

_"You had your orgasm already?"_

_I laughed about her remark, me comparing the endorphin release while running to a sexual one._

_"Yeah," I grinned back, arriving on the top of the hill we started to sprint, racing each other. Jane was a step faster than me. Angela and Frank waiting for us, holding a crime-scene-tape as our finish line._

_Running into a cheering family, waiting with warm words and lovely hugs is an experience I have Jane to thank for. As we hug, we were both laughing and she whispered into my ear._

_"Well I am glad, I don't think I'll move ever again when we get home."_

_We decided for a shower and against a bath, afraid to drift off to sleep laying in the hot water. Jane kissed my neck softly._

_"You know, I didn't not tell my mother about us because I am ashamed or worried or some…"_

_"If I were you I wouldn't have told her either. If my mother would behave around me like that I would not allow her to be a part of my life." She kissed my neck again._

_"I have to admit I started to like her as she joined us at the Robber and there is always my mother. She adores you. She has enough love to give for another ten kids. It is barely a week since she left, give it some time and if you are ready to tell them I will be there. I love you."_

It may sound insane but after the shower and dressing into my own clothes I felt a little more myself again, even with protective clothes I had to wear over my own.

As Jane's doctor showed up my mother left to check on Angela. He informed me about adding another medication and five minutes after he left again, Barry entered the room. He sat down beside me and sighed heavily.

"The first time I met her I was so excited I tripped over a carpet and landed lengthways in the hallway," he giggled.

"We had an armed robbery and were searching the house of the suspect and found a body in a freezer in the basement. She was back there already a legend all over the BPD. The day my Lieutenant told me that I was promoted to Homicide and would be the new Partner of Hurricane Jane Rizzoli I spent two hours puking in the restroom."

He smiled widely. "If you ever tell her that, I have to hide your body in your own morgue but the moment I went into the bullpen I wanted to kneel down in front of her. I know that may sound crazy. She was like a superhero to me, she is still and I didn't get it that I was so lucky to be partnered with her. I was so nervous. I was afraid not being able to keep up with her or letting her down." He turned from Jane towards me.

"You know, she is my role model and after what she did back there at the head quarter she will be forever my hero. It doesn't contain the pain and I wish nothing more as that I could switch places with her but what she did was one hell of a sacrifice."

He took my hand.

"I wish I could claim something, like you two share, for my own. I never believed in things like soul-mates and the love that can do everything but you both showed me that it is possible and that there is always hope. Maybe we wouldn't have known each other without Jane but you should know that whatever you need you only have to name it."

Barry stood up and kissed me slightly on the top of my skull. "She will be stirring up this place in no time, you will see. Jane Rizzoli never gives up."

"Did he ask you out already?" my mother asked while I wiped Jane's face and startled me. I hadn't heard her coming in again.

"Barry? He is like another brother to Jane," I told her totally confused. Barry is a very handsome man but that's it. I like his loyalty towards Jane and he is one of few people I feel totally comfortable around.

"No Maura. I mean that doctor."

I looked puzzled at her. "Excuse me? Why would he do such a thing?"

She tipped her head to the right. "I have eyes, Maura. He was nearly crawling into your lap and he didn't really look at the results."

I waved my hand towards her. "Whatever." I leaned over Jane and kissed her forehead. I really didn't know if she was right about him but it didn't matter also. He was Jane's doctor and all I wanted him to do was his job and strongly advice him not to try to flirt with me over the body of my comatose girlfriend.

"How is Frankie?" I asked her.

"He is doing fine," she answered then smirked. "He asked me, I quote, to cuddle the shit out of you." She caressed over my left cheek. "Well they did obviously all get the same charm. He is a very handsome young man."

I pressed my face closer to her hand. "He is, but I got the splendid specimen of the Rizzoli kids."

_We were in Jane's apartment packing boxes. After the handymen had finished the en-suite bathroom we had started to move my belongings into the new house. We had both agreed on the idea of copying the bath from my former place._

_The bathroom was what had helped me to decide for this place as I moved to Boston. The rest of the house wasn't what I would have described as warm. The kitchen was already implemented and even as it was stylish it appeared to be cold. The black and white had a sterile effect. But back then I wasn't in need of a home. I just needed a place to sleep._

_The new house was far more a home. The main floor was mostly composed of a wide living area. An open kitchen with a breakfast-counter was on the left side of the room, beside the entrance the living room area and at the far end we had decided for a large table with enough room for the entire family to find space._

_A guestroom, a guest bathroom and the pantry were out in the hall. Upstairs on the left was our bedroom with an en-suite bathroom and a separate toilet, a walk-in closet and a yoga room. On the right side a study and another guestroom including an own bathroom._

_We or more suitable I had encouraged Jane not to sell her apartment. Except for Angela none of the other seemed to have figured out already that we were a couple. Although I hoped every day no one asked me the right or in my case the wrong questions. It was a lot of fun to act more obvious, but not too noticeable at work. Jane assumed that everyone was too scared to ask or openly say something about it._

_When we were going to tell them or if they figured it out finally, Jane would offer Frankie to move into her apartment for half of the rent a place like Jane would cost. In the meantime we would move Jane's primary things over to our house and store the remaining boxes in her bedroom beside the wardrobe._

_Well that was before a delivery, Jane had apparently forgotten about, failed to went smooth. She had ordered a new bed, back in the beginning of December. Before the change of our relationship. The delivery man left the whole packages in front of Jane's building and refused to carry them up to the third floor and before we could react Angela, who was helping packing up Jane belongings had required Frankie and Detective Frost to help._

_And well… they didn't help us anyway. Instead they helped Jane's new neighbour to move in. Riley Cooper. Angela started to carry half of Jane's kitchen into Riley's apartment, because according to her mother she didn't need the items anyway. Somehow the whole situation started rolling by itself and at some point something happened that Jane got really pissed off, at me._

_Before someone could get going with the packages we caught a new case. A gruesome homicide, with a bride slashed minutes before her wedding in a chapel. And apparently the part that Jane was angry at me tipped our co-workers more off than our effort of showing more closeness to each other, especially Detective Frost._

_He and Detective Korsak dropped half whispered sentences about trouble in paradise and lovers quarrels all day long and if we hadn't been waiting for this to happen I would have possible missed all those hints._

_I didn't know what I had done to Jane that she was so overly sarcastic and cold towards me, so suddenly. That was until Detective Frost, pretending to lower his voice so I couldn't hear them, which was impossible as loud as he was, asking Detective Korsak if he thought Jane would ever let herself being inked._

_Then it drew on me. She was jealous, because I had gotten all excited about her neighbours tattoo. Well sure it is on me to touch and admire another woman like she is a piece of art with my girlfriend witnessing. Sometimes I feel like smashing myself. Well done Dr. incredible featherbrain._

_I gathered my papers to start the autopsy as Jane walked into the morgue and after not finding me there she came over to my office. Somehow I was surprised of her attending to the examination, but I shouldn't have. Even when she was moody or mad at me like now she was always professional, after all it wasn't the victims fault._

_I walked slowly over to her, holding her gaze. I took her hands in mine and let my thumbs caressing over her scars._

_"It wasn't my intension to make you feel uncomfortable. You know me, when I am fascinated by something I just can't help myself. If this Cyprinus carpio had been a picture at a wall my reaction would have been the same. I am sorry, Jane. I didn't even realize what I had been doing wrong because I didn't think about it. I love you and only you."_

_Being already in my scrubs and my work-slippers I had to stand on my tiptoes to kiss her. As my lips touched hers I could feel her wrapping around me in an attempt to support and I knew she wasn't mad at me anymore. Enjoying our moment we both didn't hear Detective Frost and Detective Korsak walking into the morgue._

_"Until the day all impossible things on earth will be happening at the same time, there will be definitive no one I want even to look at me. No one can compare to you in any way," I whispered against her lips._

_"Do you think we could maybe close this case until then?" Detective Korsak asked pointing with his thumb over his shoulders towards Anja._

_"Or… you could get a room and spare us your pillow-talk," Detective Frost added._

_"Well…technically this is my room," I showed around my office. "Despite that this is not my property."_

_There was a space from some seconds of an awkward silence and then both Detectives were as normal as ever. The only remark towards our relationship was a comment from Jane's partner towards her former one as they left. "You think they can behave just some minutes, left alone, to get that autopsy done?" They both chuckled, letting the door falling close._

_We got the examination going and given the opportunity to have a bride lying on my table I got a little bold and tried to charm out some things out of Jane. Just like she simply is, she denied having ever a fantasy about her future-dream-wedding. But as I had secretly already thought, she had one. Getting married at Fenway._

_We had been back at Jane's apartment after closing the case and were both in a difficult mood. The background-story, why Anja had being murdered, was getting to all of us. The night on Saturday we just had crawled into bed, without any conversation, snuggling up against each other as close as we could._

_The new mattress still lying on the floor in the living room Jane dropped onto it and after getting us a glass of red-wine I sat down on the edge. Trying to lighten the mood I challenged her._

_"So should it be some kind of hint that you haven't any beer but wine in your apartment?"_

_Jane laughed. "Don't get light-headed there. It just happened that Frost and Frankie obviously have drunk all my beer."_

_I put my glass down beside the mattress and scooted up, lying onto my back._

_"It's so disgusting that they put her in a wedding gown to auction her off," I couldn't help myself to voice my thoughts._

_"That's the part that disgusts you?"_

_"No. All of it disgusts me," I answered honesty. I never came that close to cases until I started to work in Boston and with Jane. I shook my head slightly, trying to shake off the pictures of all this mortally scared girls._

_"So, you must have had a wedding fantasy when you were little," I stated. "Come on. Every little girl has one."_

_Jane was silent for some minutes, just looking at me. As she started to talk her sight went to the ceiling._

_"Okay, it wasn't really a fantasy. It was… I had this dumb idea that I would say my vows at Fenway over home plate in a Red Sox Jersey."_

_"It's not dumb. It's not exactly elegant, but at least it's colourful," I laughed, thinking of a little Jane staring wide-eyed from the ranks down, dreaming._

_"And we would have the reception over the pitcher's mound and we would serve foot-long hot dogs and frozen lemonade. And the guests would throw peanuts at us instead of rice."_

_There was something about her talking that let me want to make her dream come true._

_"Can I come?" I asked whispering, my sound was oddly serious. She looked over to me and we stared in each other's eyes. She smiled brightly at me before she turned from her back to face me fully._

_"Maybe," she whispered._

Well I had something different in my mind for our wedding as Fenway, but the memory was always something that makes me smile.

"I want to marry her," I whispered, half unaware that it was audible and not only in my head. My mother padded my knee and smiled.

"We need to talk about something. I need a fav…," before I could speak any further Jane's doctor came in without even bothering about knocking. But after he explained in a million words that the love of my life was finally responding to her medication he could have walked in on me being naked and it wouldn't have bothered me.

Although for the very first time I felt sorry for all the people around me who had to stand my 'googlemouth' where some words would have done it, as Jane had often stated.

 

_**Thanks again for all of your support.** _

_**Have a nice weekend and week ahead of yours.** _

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	27. Blood doesn't make a family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

_**Although for the very first time I felt sorry for all the people around me who had to stand my 'googlemouth' where some words would have done it, as Jane had often stated.** _

Maura's POV

The news of Jane responding to the antibiotics was a relief to all of us. It didn't mean she would wake up in some minutes and would be suddenly cured. Jane, after all, was badly injured. It just took a lot of strain from all of us.

After taking a quick shower my mother persuaded me to eat the breakfast she had procured. Along with some of the usual fixings I have for breakfast, there was a peanut butter-fluff sandwich without crust, split into four perfect triangles.

_There was laughing and giggling from the house as I walked up the terrace. As I arrived at the wide opened door to the kitchen Jane and my mother standing there and fixing breakfast together._

_"That's the 'all better again' snack my Ma gave us every time something went down. She always does it fifty-fifty but I like it to have more peanut butter than fluff. You have to cut the crust and it needs to be split diagonally into four pieces. So, that you have small triangles."_

_"Well that's a massive amount of calories," my mother laughed._

_"You sound like Maura," Jane shook her head. "It has to be. How is it supposed to help if it's healthy? Comforting food has to be as greasy and unhealthy as possible and beside that she love all this food, she's just to pinched to admit it."_

_She put the sandwich pieces on a plate. "I mean I like it how she is so strong-minded about all this things like eating healthy and her ecological sensibility and I kinda like it that she tries to convince me do all those things but often I think she denies herself to just live sometimes."_

_My mother sighed. "Well that was probably my doing. The only thing she learned from me is strict discipline."_

_"That's not true Constance and you know that very well. I am honest when I say I didn't like you the first time we met. Not because you have a foul character, just because the way you acted around her, but the moment I saw the tears welling up at your installation I knew you aren't the cruel hug I thought you seemed to be. You both have more in common as you think. Blood doesn't make a family, love does."_

_"I wish I could turn back the hands of time. Show her how much she means to me, show her how much life has to offer…," my mother started but was cut off from Jane._

_"Stop! There is plenty of time left to show her how much you love her and for life, she knows how life goes. She is pretty capable to enjoy. She loves art and science. She is mesmerized of so many things, small things and it's a gift. Well…see she can throw handful of money around but she is over the roof about every little thing and she isn't just too polite so say that she doesn't like it. I had a hard time buying that she wants to spend her life with a middle-class, average Detective, being not in the same street as her. God I am not even in the same hemisphere as her but who I am to complain. I have to be thankful for every second she wants to spend with me. She is a gift and you should make sure that you also savour every chance you get."_

_I had to put my fingers hard against my mouth to suppress the sob that was about to come out of me. It is always hard for me to witness how Jane pictures herself. She always heaves me up on that high pedestal, like a sculpture in a museum and acts like there comes the time she has to leave me. It always sounds like it is fact that I am not in for the long run._

_"You know that is not true," the words left my mouth before I knew it._

_"You are not a part-time amusement for me. I love you Jane and I am the one who is thankful for you putting up with me and all my weird behaviour and quirks. There was never anyone who loved me for being me, but you do and it is time that you understand that I love you for being you. All of you, just like you are. Money or not! Education or not! You know very well that you are not as mediocre as you sell yourself. You are highly intelligent, you are one of the best in your job and your heart is pure as gold."_

_Jane faced me and she watched me with an odd expression._

_"I don't know why you always think our relationship is at my mercy. As long as the 'Queen of death' is pleased you are going to serve. It is not like that. I wish I could make you see how I feel for you."_

_"Maura…," Jane started but I wasn't finished._

_"No! The next time you touch me you should listen to my body, it will tell you what I feel for you. I thought you would know that by now. You should sometimes use your usual logical approach when it comes to me. I was always honest with you and you know very well I don't need to pretend to be interested in someone or in a relationship to get what I want. I had skilled lovers before, not as perfect as you are for me, but I had never to act being attached to them. So do you like to tell me why I should change my demeanour?"_

_Jane opened her mouth but not one tone left her lips and I had my mother totally zoomed out. I had totally talked myself into rage._

_"If you think I am with you because I couldn't find anyone better for me I have to tell you that you are right. There is and never will be anyone who fits better for me. No one ever fitted better to my soul, you are everything I can't be and vice versa. No one ever fitted better into my life, you show me the world through your eyes and I can do the same for you. No one ever fitted better around me, every part of my body seems to have been made with you in mind and vice versa."_

_I took a deep breath to calm myself._

_"Are you done now Maura? Good! All of what you said makes sense and it's very impressive how you are going to fight for us but I didn't doubt anything. I was about to tell your mother how I see you. You are unique. You are a gift. Sometimes I just want to cry when you are being all 'child before Christmas' over a sandwich or some chocolate."_

_Jane watched me for some seconds._

_"Yes sometimes I don't understand why someone like you loves me, because there were times I didn't even like myself, but I stopped doubting anything after the Fairfield-case. I never thought that you were an ignorant bitch like those people, but sometimes your name and the whole package that comes with it can be very oppressive. At some point I thought the real Maura was facing me, the Maura that prefers her privileged friends about everything. Until I understood that the real Maura was there all the time, the one that never expect others to be bad or evil. The one and only Maura who just can't help herself, being so sweet naïve, like an innocent child. I realized that you weren't that different. You are like me and Frost and Korsak and Cavenaugh, you just happen to look a lot better and you come from a different background."_

_Jane took my hand in hers. "Ah… nearly forgot, you smell a lot better."_

_"I am sorry," I whispered against her lips. "That happens when I assume anything."_

_She laughed. "Maybe you should narrow down your assumptions to work, you are never wrong with that. I can see it at your face when you think my gut is right, you just never are going to admit it."_

_Somehow my mother had sneaked out of the kitchen and Jane lifted me on the counter, invading the space between my legs._

_"I always thought it was silly to think that you are especially made for me," she whispered smiling._

_"That every part of you fits perfectly into my hands. I kinda love it that you are shorter than me. I love it when I feel your body stretches, self-acting pressing harder against mine when you stand on your tiptoes to kiss me. I love the sight of your lighter skin against mine. We match so perfectly without matching. We are so different but we are perfect together. I love you Maura and we need to stop wasting time with assuming about each others intensions. I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life and as long as you are honest with me, everything will be fine."_

_"And I listen to all you have to tell, not only your words." She scooted even closer and kissed the tip of my nose once. "I know pretty well how you feel because I know exactly how I feel when you touch me," she whispered slowly, accenting the 'you's' and 'I's'._

It never was about that one of us thought the other one wasn't honest or didn't really love. We both were just sometimes so much insecure that it was hard to accept that for once it wasn't about being used. It was for both of us the very first time being loved unconditionally and how ever hard you try not to, there are moments when you ask yourself how much honest the other one is.

After that morning I tried very hard not to think about it ever again and it turned out to be easier as it seemed. If Jane could trust me that much I could do it as well, after all there was never a second I had to doubt her. She was always willing to fulfil every wish of mine. She is even the one that makes the first move when she has every right to be angry at me.

_We had everything packed and cleaned at Jane's apartment finally, only her furniture would be left. First thing we had done in the morning was moving the mattress finally into her bedroom after nearly two weeks on the floor in front of the couch. We had worked the whole day, only a small break for having lunch a last time there._

_Even as Jane had stated more than once that she was happy and excited about moving into the new house, officially I knew she was a bit melancholy. After all she had moved in here after graduating the academy and had saved any possible penny for five years to buy it while she lived there. That was my point to stop her from selling it._

_I sat on the counter and watched her looking around._

_"Come here baby," I whispered, grabbing her hand. She turned and pressed her forehead against mine._

_"It's really odd. I liked it here, but these walls are holding so much sadness and pain, evil memories. I can't wait to share my life with you, officially. I don't want to have an excuse to stay away from you."_

_I smiled at her. Knowing exactly what she meant with it. Although Jane would never ran from me for real, she tended to hide herself when she wasn't her usual self and her apartment was the perfect opportunity not having to deal with anything. But being serious about our relationship she didn't want to hide and with eliminating her options she forced herself to share not only the good but also the bad days with me._

_Seeing her struggling and knowing her, I knew I had to play it nice and smooth. I grabbed her face and kissed her gently._

_"How about we christen your new bed at least before we hand it over to your brother?" I whispered. "We just can't assume it is safe for him to sleep in it," I added in a seductive tone, making sure she knows exactly that it is only a hypocritically reason._

_"Frankie wouldn't be happy knowing what we are about to do," she whispered back._

_"Well…," I kissed her firmly but gently. "If you hadn't ordered a new one he would definitely have to sleep in the bed we made love in. Maybe we just shouldn't tell him."_

_"Fair point, Dr. Isles," she breathed into my ear, grabbing my bottom and lifted me up._

_There is always a moment when I need to compose myself or we end up on the floor wherever we are standing. Usually I start to ramble about anything that comes to my mind, needing a familiar field to ground myself._

_This moment came as she began to walk, her belt buckle rubbing against my sex, the thin fabric of my panties did nothing to alleviate the pressure._

_I looked down between us. "One day you have to tell me how you are capable to turn me into this lovesick, un-ladylike puppet," my voice was thick and raw and silent._

_She chuckled as she followed my eyes. "Now you are worrying about your dress riding up your thighs, about being un-ladylike? You know what we are going to do isn't very pretty to watch either."_

_"That's not true Jane…," she cut me off before I could elaborate._

_"It is! Let's face the facts. What is there nice to look at ramming parts of you into someone else?"_

_"Well…first of all neither you nor I are 'ramming' anything as you called it, and I beg to differ. There is a large gap between having sex with a man and being intimate with you," I whispered against her lips, giving her small pecks._

_"No offence, Dr. Isles. I didn't mean to insult you. I just don't dare thinking about it sometimes. I mean just the part…not touching you… just penetrating you. If I think about it I feel ashamed of myself." I bit into her chin and she hummed._

_"Non taken Detective," I murmured lifting myself up a little, rubbing my stomach against hers in the movement. "Mhhh. I am anything but ashamed to enjoy you and you shouldn't be either."_

_She sat down on the edge of the mattress and I pulled her into a kiss before I scooted off her, sinking down on my knees between her legs. Tugging her shirt out of her pants I lent down and kissed her abs, unbuttoning her slacks, lowering down her zipper._

_"See…," she stuttered. "Looking at you down there turns me on to no end but if I think about it I somehow feel like a man. You are much too graceful to serve me on your knees. I respect you too much."_

_I pulled down her panties slightly and kissed the top of her pubic replacing myself on her lap again. Pressing my hand against her cheek, caressing my thumb over her lower lip, locking our glances. "I would serve the rest of my life on my knees for you."_

_I saw Jane swallowing hard. "Maura…,"before she could speak further I stopped her with a kiss. "No talking about independence… that's not about subjugating my self. I love you, with everything I have."_

_I used my body to lower Jane slowly on her back, caressing with my thumbs over her forehead. I pulled my knees up, resting on my shins, coming to sit high on her belly. Jane shoved the hem of my dress higher, stroking over my thighs with her flat hands. I grabbed my own zipper and undress myself quickly down to my underwear, knowing very well that it will turn up the heat immediately._

_The moment I tossed my dress over the back of a chair beside the bed Jane was sitting up, wrapping her arms around my midsection, holding me close. She sprayed small kisses over my chest and the swells of my breasts._

_I rarely ever wore cheeky panties before Jane and I became a couple but since our week at 'Winthrop Shore' I own nearly only this kind of undergarment. Knowing her hands mostly wandering onto the lower half of my buttocks and leaving this part uncovered, cheeky panties are perfect for me to wear._

_She pulled me even closer and the tips of her pinkies brushed the junction connecting my legs and my pelvis. A shiver run through me and I moaned her name silently. I grabbed the fabric at both of her shoulders, pulling and twisting._

_"I need that to come off, honey," I breathed against her temple. Her hands slid slowly over my bottom into the small of my back. Her fingers tickled along my spine, caressing my shoulder blades and after skimming over the back of my neck she raised her arms in the air, allowing me to remove her shirt._

_Pushing her back down to the mattress I reached around myself, gripping the waistband I shoved her pants down her hips. Leaning forward, lowering myself flushed against her I pushed her slacks off with my feet._

_Kissing down her body in a mixture of being as slow as I could be and not as fast as I wanted to be. Desperately wanted to taste Jane, exactly knowing how I wanted her. Scooting back on top of her I turned us both and sat up with her, scraping my nails lightly over the skin of Jane's very well defined bottom._

_I grabbed her hips and was in one fluently move on my back and down until she hovered over my face._

_"Jeez Maura, did Chang teach you some of her ninja-skills?" Jane chuckled moaning, although the chuckling was gone and leaving only another long-drawn-out moan, as I closed my lips around her clit. Excepting for our first night I paid close attention to what she did to me. I may, thanks to my profession, know all the places exactly, but lacking at the routine and techniques. After all I never pleasured a woman before, but what rocket me into totally ecstasy would probably work for her as well. Although she never complained about my skills the first night we shared._

_Stiffening my tongue against her, I scooted my hands up over her skin, my musculus abductor digiti minimi pressed underneath her breasts feeling the weight, my fingers against the sides of them and I let my thumbs gently sliding over her nipples._

_Jane leaned her upper body back, steadying herself on her right arm and without the slightest bit of teasing or any warning, two of her fingers of the left hand started to caress my clit. I sucked in a deep, shuddering breath through my nose._

_Jane's hips started a rhythmically, slowly dance and the well known fire in my stomach was already in a fully blaze. Jane was panting now and I slid into the last third, accompanied by small, low moans which would grow in length as further as I drift toward a climax._

_I never thought I would so very much enjoy a degrading position like this. Knowing very well that she could effortlessly submit me, forcing me to everything she want me to do. It is all about trusting her and the sight above me, her very well defined body, every muscles rippling in pleasure is such a turn on._

_Knowing from personal experience how much tense and arching every muscle in her body is right now I do the thing that makes me always orgasm to the point. Remembering exactly how it had felt to sense her tongue deep inside me for the first time._

_It was the most intimate gesture anyone had ever done. Having some performing oral sex on me it was nearly for sure to make the conclusion that they are either skilled at vaginal penetration or orally pleasuring, never met one who were able to score both ways but a lot who were a waste of time in any department._

_I tightened my grip on Jane, pushing my head higher. I shuddered once, the precursor of a climax within the next seconds and the moment the ravishing beauty above me tumbled over the edge with me following._

_Withdrawing my tongue, knowing she will be too sensitive I kissed her once, pulling another long but silently groan from her. Pulling Jane on top of me, holding her as close as possible. Moaning into her ear._

_"I love you so much, baby," I whispered calming down slowly. Having our own rite on nights like this, when we relieved build up tension real quickly I used my legs to position both of us from across the mattress to fully lying into the bed._

_Turning us both to the side, we went over to some very tender hours of kissing, snuggling, caressing and whispering and sometimes to another round of making love, very slow and as gentle as possible._

_I woke up to a Jane, dressed in a checkered pair of PJ pants and a gray tank._

_"Where are you going, honey?" I asked her sleepily, sensing it was still pitch-black outside._

_"I woke up and thought I heard something. Just checked if everything was alright." She answered me._

_"Well, come back to bed then," I groaned, grabbing her waistband and pulled her beside me. "And I prefer the warm and naked Jane back in here."_

_She chuckled awkwardly, but I wasn't awake enough to react proper. The digits on the alarm clock told me I had barely slept an hour._

_"Go back to sleep," I heard her whispering through the fog of sleep enveloping me again as she crawled back into bed, lying flat on her back. She pulled my head on her chest and the last thing I felt was a lightly kiss to my forehead._

_The next morning came much to fast and started with a call to a crime scene. A man sitting on a bench in Public Garden, with a slit throat, next to Boylston Street, just some minutes away from Jane's apartment._

_"Body temp is low. He's been sitting here for a while."_

_"That's today's paper. What, was he reading the stock pages, he slit his own throat?"_

_"Mm. There's something very odd about the edges of the wound."_

_"Well, yeah, the whole thing's odd. I mean, there's no blood. There's no sign of struggle._ _  
_What? Death by a sharp nap?"__

_Jane in fully-sarcasm-mode has something to mean. Sure she's always sarcastic in a way. I watch over to her and remember finding her being up and dressed in the middle of the night. "And the darkening of the nasojugal fold indicates fatigue and vitamin deficiencies."_

_"Really?"_

_"You. You have dark circles under your eyes. Are you not sleeping again?"_

_"Thank you. You look nice, too," she answers and I knew already exactly was has ridden her._

_"Morning, partner," Barry walks up beside us._

_"Hey. What do you got?"_

_She pulls out the driver license of the wallet Barry is holding up to her._

_"James Stern. James Stern? Why… why… why do I know that name? James Stern?"_

_"You know, I do, too. I think he was a missing person? I'll run him."_

_"Okay."_

_"You having nightmares again?" I asked Jane, they haven't occurred in a long time._

_"Yeah, I dreamed I showed up to work in my underwear."_

_Well that was a lie and she knew I know it._

_"Anxiety," I stated, pretending to play her game for a while._

_"You think?"_

_It had to have been one hell of a nightmare. She wasn't that snippy in a real long time._

_"Yes, I have this reoccurring dream that I have this biochemistry final, and I haven't studied."_

_"Really? Stop. It's terrifying. I can't take any more."_

_For a second I consider to say her exactly what is going on but it is possible to drive her deeper into denying, so I smile at her and my mouth stayed close, for now._

_"You're right. James Stern and his wife, Emily, vanished two years ago," Barry comes back and share his discovering with us._

_"Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a history of domestic violence, and he was the number-one suspect in her disappearance."_

_"Theory was he murdered her, hid her body, and fled."_

_"That's right. Well, it looks like karma finally caught up to him."_

_"Sanskrit word. You know, the cycle of cause and effect. I think it originated in the shramana tradition."_

_"Do you have to do that?"_

_"Do what?"_

_"That word thing you do."_

_"Etymology?"_

_"You can't stop, can you?"_

_"Not really."_

_Well that could be an interesting day. If I didn't know why she was like that right know I could be offended by her behaviour._

_As Frankie shows up and asks her for some time, needing to talk to her I am relieved. Saving us right know to sway this up to a fight. I know, at some point I am going to call her out on it and it would be the worst case to do until she comes by herself._

_This is one of those days Jane didn't show up to the autopsy and it is the last missing piece of the puzzle. She defiantly had a nightmare about Hoyt and she is scared, really, really scared._

_As I am pretending to remove James Stern's organs Barry walks into the morgue._

_"Oh!" He turns arount, collecting himself for some seconds. "Hey, doc. Guy's not exactly husband of the year. Beat the crap out of her._ _Put her in the hospital a couple times."_

_"Cold heart."_

_"No kidding."_

_"No, his actual heart. It's frozen. So is his right lung."_

_"What does that mean?"_

_"He wasn't killed recently. He was in cold storage."_

_"So he's been in the freezer," Barry asked._

_"Or possibly a meat locker. I've stored bodies for months. Unidentified bodies in 10 degrees without a sign of decomposition. However, you still get freezer burn and discoloration, like his toes."_

_"How long has he been dead?"_

_"Well, how long has he been missing?"_

_" Two years."_

_"It's possible."_

_"Ugh. Ugh. Oh, God." Barry tries to shield his eyes as he comes nearer. "Doc, what's this?"_

_"Adhesive residue."_

_"From what?" he asked._

_"Duct tape. His wrists were taped together. Blanched indentations his mouth was also taped."_

_"Did the killer use a scalpel?" he asked between clenched teeth and while he is asking I already fall into panic._

_"I have to find Jane," I still nod at Barry._

_Home is my first intention, but then it dawn on me that there is still her apartment and I am right. She is sitting on the couch, nibbling at her thumbnail. Looking confused and frightened. Totally out of character. And now it was on me to dump the bad news to her._

_"The body was frozen within hours of the murder, left undisturbed for two years, then thawed enough to be able to move his limbs, to redress him in a suit, and pose him on that park bench."_

_"It's Hoyt. He's doing this from behind bars. He killed James Stern and Emily. If… if… if they've been missing two years, he killed them, what? What, something over a year before he came after me the first time? And then somebody stored the body for him and then just, you know dumped it right in front of my face."_

_"I haven't had enough time to confirm that this is Hoyt's work."_

_"It's him. It's him, Maura."_

_She stood up and walked over and pulled open a drawer._

_"Um I wasn't gonna say anything because, you know, personally, I thought somebody was screwing with me. This was left in front of the building last night."_

_"A flare? Oh, Jane. Let's go home. I'm gonna call Frost. Okay? We're gonna get patrol officers out there, and you are gonna get some sleep."_

_"No Maura, not home. I am not going to lure him towards our home, lets stay right here."_

_"Okay. But I am gonna call Frost although, you really need to sleep."_

_"Yeah, well, not until the cavalry gets here, okay?"_

_"I'll stay awake."_

_"What are you gonna do? Hit him over his head with your Birkin bag? W… come on."_

_"Give me that," I pointed at her gun._

_"No, it's loaded."_

_"I'll stay up._

_"It's loaded. No."_

_"Magazine capacity 15. Trigger pull 2.5 kilograms. Line of sight 153 millimeters."_

_"Right have you ever shot one?" she asked me grinning._

_"Um… No," I grinned back at her._

_"No."_

_"No. But I'm a fast learner."_

_"Okay." She pulled out the magazine and emptied her gun. "Um It's empty."_

_She handed me her gun over. "Okay. Point it."_

_"Um, wrap your left hand like this," she wrapped her left hand about my right. "Okay, now, push and pull," she pulled down my elbows a bit until they are slightly bent. "Loosen up. There you go. Push and pull with the same amount of force. Okay?"_

_"Okay. Good?"_

_"Yeah. You look good," she chuckled_

_"Okay. You're laughing at me." Jane took the gun from me and loaded it again._

_"So Okay. Okay. It's loaded."_

_"Okay."_

_"I'm only doing this because I'm tired," her voice is so raw from the lack of sleep._

_"Okay."_

_"Point it that way," she waved at the door. "Good. All right, now, don't shoot my neighbors 'cause I'd hate to have to lock you up."_

_"Jane?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Do I look bad-ass?"_

_"Yeah, you look like a bad-ass," she came back and kissed me. "Can you sit with me until I fall asleep?"_

_How could you ever possibly say no to that look she gave me. So I took her gun and her hand and we walked over to her bedroom. We both crawled into it and I pulled her close to me, kissing her forehead. "Sleep tight, sweet girl," I whispered against her temple and she was sound asleep after five minutes._

_I stayed for another five minutes before I got up and walked back into the living room. Making myself some tea, waiting for Barry._

_He came over twenty minutes later and we worked over and over every piece of evidence and theory we could come up with. Around half past six there was a knock at the door, it was Vincent and he was really furious for not being informed about the case possible related to Hoyt._

_He and Barry started to fight like two schoolgirls about wearing the same shirt at the same day. I tried to shush them for the sake of Jane getting some more sleep, but it was vainly._

_Being polite was also._ " _Shut up!" I yelled and it was instantly silence. They both looked at me like there was growing a second head on my shoulders. "Her life is in danger. Again! From a deranged, serial-killer sociopath who's... who's calling_  the  _shots from inside of a prison, and the two of you are comparing the size of your penises," I hissed._

_Before I could lose my composure further Barry stopped me with a 'Whoa! Doc, hey.'_

_Well it was vainly either because Jane came creeping out of the bedroom. Looking tired as hell. Arriving at work I just left her to get the reports from the lap._

_"Are you okay?" she asked me as I walked up towards her desk._

_"It's very distracting to work in a wrinkled dress," I answered._

_"So go home and change."_

_"No, no, I… I'm not leaving you. But I have some bad news."_

_"Oh, and the day started off so promising."_

_"The crime lab didn't find anything on the flare no DNA, no prints."_

_"Well, I'm not surprised. I mean, why would Hoyt make it easy on us? So much more fun to terrify the snot out of me." She put her head into her hands and started to massage her temples. I wished I could hug her as hard as possible and spare her to go through all of this again._

_"Jane?" The voice came from the door and without looking over I already new whom I would see there. "Hi," he said awkward as we both looked over. Jane stood up and walked over while I sat down on her chair._

_He looked around the bullpen before he asked her for some privacy. Doing again his kind of 'I-am-so-mysterious' game. I encouraged her to go with him, after all the F.B.I has resources we only can dream of. You probably could break a 2 by 4 over his head and he wouldn't get it._

_While Jane was sitting furious about being removed from the case, the F.B.I brought Charles Hoyt into the head quarter. He was pulled into the interrogation room where I was waiting for him, in chains and a hood over his head._

_"I smell lavender and fear," he whispered and he laughed as his hood was pulled away. His face changed into confusion._

_"Hello, Mr. Hoyt," I smiled brightly at him._

_He laughed "Dr. Isles. You must be very proud of yourself. That's a play I didn't see."_

_"Yeah. That was the idea."_

_"And Agent Dean. What brings you here? The same thing that brings me? Jane."_

_Every time this creep whispers her name it feels like something disgusting crawls under my skin. But I have to compose myself. It isn't gonna be helpful if he can see my distaste._

_"Mr. Hoyt_ _," I pull his attention away from Dean._

_"I usually ask people to address me as 'doctor'. I nearly completed medical school."_

_"That's why you're so precise when you sever the carotid arteries of your victims."_

_"Well, I've always been quite deft with a scalpel."_

_"Where is Emily Stern's body?" Dean leans over to him and the typically staring duel begins._

_"Hold him down in that chair," giving them enough time for their 'I-am-the-tougher-guy' game I grabbed my scalpel and stand up. Walking over to him confidently and slowly, showing him that I don't fear him, holding up the scalpel for him clearly to see it._

_"Are you gonna show me your technique?"_

_I bent down, unbuttoning his shirt, never breaking the eye contact with him. Sliding open the seam of his secretly poket._

_"Fifty-fifty cotton polyester blend fabric shows every wrinkle after a lot of use," I pulled out a picture of Jane in her checkered pants she wore two nights ago as I woke up finding her standing in the bedroom. Detecting the burning flare, lying on the ground in the middle of the street. I am shocked, really shocked, but I have to act like this isn't surprising me after all. "I thought I saw something."_

_I sat down again and we started the camera. He tries to play me, answering my questions only with vaguely answers. Miming any emotion perfectly. "Pretty good, huh?" he stated proudly. I pulled out a picture and lay it down beside the one that is already lying on the table._

_"Will you tell me where Emily Stern's body is?"_

_"No. But it's not far."_

_"Will you tell me if you plan to hurt Jane?"_

_He grins at me. "Oh, I do. I plan to kill her." And that's when I lost it and he knew it immediately. His facial expression let me know that mine had betrayed me. "Psychically kill her. And… and keep her alive until I get out of here and finish her with my hands." I am not able to look into his eyes anymore. I knew it was dangerous to face him and I lost it. "I want to feel her blood covering my hands. I do."_

_"You'll never get out of here," I try to beware the little rest of my composure and sound as untouched and cold as possible._

_"Oh, yes, I will."_

_"But don't worry, doctor. I'm not gonna kill you. No," he rose his voice and launched forward. "Rape you!" Turning back to his usually low and indistinct pronunciation. "Maybe. But kill you? No."_

_I could get a grip on my emotions during his outburst. Exposing his words to ridicule. "You're clearly trying to frighten me." Laughing openly about him. Trying to gain the upper hand again._

_"I am," he laughed like a child being caught doing something forbidden but harmless._

_Leaning forward, showing him my contempt for him. "I'm not afraid of you."_

_"I know," he whispers, leaning closer. "Because you're like me." And he knows he got me again._

_The camera was turned off and I walked over to leave the room as he leaned into me._

_"You are obsessed with her too and I can smell her all over you," he whispered only for me to hear._

_Analysing the video with Jane I missed to stop the tape before she could witness his last officially words to me._

_She sats down beside me. "You okay? Come on, Maura, talk to me. He's a freak._ _  
_Okay? He gets to everybody."__

_"I did a… I did a lot of research into his… his background, his childhood. Maybe he's not wrong."_

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"Maybe I am a little bit like him."_

_"You are nothing like him."_

_"I don't... I don't know, Jane. I… I was a weird kid," I felt the tears welling up._

_"Were you killing small animals?"_

_" No, but I dissected a lot of frogs," I laughed and she hopped in._

_"No, that's different," Jane stated as a matter-of-fact._

_I stood up and walked around, turning my back to her. Rubbing my hands over my face. "I just I started to think about things that I never… I never really thought about before."_

_"Here it comes. There are bodies buried in your basement."_

_I fiddled with my fingers, scraping at my nails. "I spent a lot of time alone. You know, I was adopted, and my my father was a Professor, and my mother, she… she came from a wealthy family. I was an only child," sitting down again I pressed the fingertips of my right hand against my forehead, supporting the weight on them._

_"I just realized something when I was reading about Hoyt that it just never occurred to me before. There was a lot of benign neglect." There was a small silent, thinking about how to explain what I was feeling._

_"It's not that they didn't love me. It's just that I didn't ask for much. I don't think I really knew how. And the less that I would ask for, the less time that they had for me. They were just very, very involved in their… in their own lives and into each other and they sent me to boarding school when I was 10. I actually think that I sent away for the brochure myself."_

_Jane chuckled. I knew she was thinking that it was so like me, dropping myself off into a boarding school._

_"Which they were delighted. Oh, I just I was really lost."_

_"Come here," she took my hand and caressed over my knuckles. "No matter what happened to you, you are nothing like that monster. Okay? Yeah, you were a little antisocial maybe, a little goofy." She pulled a little smile out of me. "But that's… that's not the same thing. Okay? You are the warmest soul I ever met, you have the greatest heart and there is one real big thing which makes all the difference between you two. He is not able to love and being loved." My smile becomes a little brighter. "Man, we're a pair," we both started to laugh, not a free one but a comfortable one. She bent over and kissed my forehead._

_"Thank you," I whispered half smiling, half crying._

_I agreed with Jane to stay at her apartment until we found Hoyt's partner. It was easier to monitor, as it was in the second floor and had only one easily reachable entrance and for the chance that his confrere didn't already knew the address we wouldn't want to lead them to our home._

_Sitting at Jane's desk and sipping coffee we teased Frankie about his new love interest and I snatched the pictures taken in a photo booth from his back pocket. They made a cute couple._

_I watched Jane's outburst at Hoyt through the Venetian mirror and made my way over to B.R.I.C.S working with Vince at the picture of Emily Stern. Them taking off to find those coal cellar I went down to the morgue again tightening up everything. Watching over the files again I detected something odd._

_Making my way upstairs to share my findings I learned Jane had went to her apartment without even informing me. Letting it slip, after all the day was wearing on her and the fact that she was guarded by two officers and was about to have dinner with Frankie and Lola I didn't worry that much about her well being for the moment._

_While we were musing about why a kidnapped victim would have a face surgery my sight felt onto the pictures from Frankie, peeking out of Jane's filling. Jane would call it a 'gut-feeling' what had me highly alerted and letting the same one cramping painfully._

_After Barry had scanned the pictures my theory turned into the bitter and terrifying truth. Lola and Emily Stern were the same person and that brought Jane into a real dangerous situation without knowing it._

_We heard the shots ranging out as we stormed into the building we quickened our run up the stairs. I had intuitive undone my shoes already in the car, pulling up the street. We found Jane and Frankie on the floor in the bedroom, right beside a dead Emily Stern. Jane talking her brother out of his shock._

_Vince and Barry took Frankie back to the head quarter, needing him to be cleared from I.A.D. Jane and I would drove back there on our own, needing her also for her statement. We were just about to leave her apartment as Agent Dean came up the stairs. After a little small talk and sharing some thoughts about Emily he finally found his balls, as Jane would called it and asked her out for dinner._

_I chuckled quietly looking at Jane from behind his back. "Well… you could," she answered him. "But Maura and I are only available in twin pack and only for just a meal." She intertwined our hands and leaned down for a kiss, more than just a peck but nothing too intimated._

_Actually he did indeed invite us both for dinner, maybe to cover up his surprise over our relationship being more than friendship._

_After we handled everything at the head quarter and took care of Frankie coming home safely, we met Agent Dean for dinner and arrived home quite late that night. Getting settled down in bed Jane turned half on top of me, nuzzling her nose against my neck._

_"Korsak thinks it was his fault what happened with Hoyt the first time. I never wanted to get so many people involved with my shit. Korsak, Frankie, you," she whispered._

_I kissed her forehead. "It's not your fault. You didn't ask him to come after you. You didn't ask me to interview him and you clearly didn't know who Lola was for real."_

_She scooted fully on top of me and her face came closer to mine, she stared into my eyes. 'You are obsessed with her too and I can smell her all over you' I heard him whisper and I put my flat hands against Jane chest._

_"I can't do that now," my voice was not as certain as I wished it was._

_"What?" she asked, confusion written all over her face._

_I sighed. "I just can't right now."_

_"Yeah and I asked you what, what can't you do right now?"_

_"Well…," I sighed. "I can't sleep with you right now."_

_She shook her head. "Get your head out off the gutter, Dr. Isles." I know she was trying to lighten the mood. "I just wanted to be close to you, making sure you're okay, down there."_

_She wanted to scoot beside me but I grabbed her shoulders gently, holding her in place._

_"You obviously are not okay," she whispered. "What is it? He did crawl under your skin, didn't he?"_

_'You are obsessed with her too and I can smell her all over you'._

_"He knows," my voice was shaking._

_"Of course he knows. I knew it the moment he threatened you. It is his MO. What did he say? what is not caught on tape?"_

_"You are obsessed with her too and I can smell her all over you," I whispered so low I didn't knew if she had gotten it. But she had._

_"Oh Maura. Don't let him win. Vince told me today it was all about choices. It is your choice. Don't let him destroy you, he plays already a much too large role in my life. I can't even touch you without being reminded of him," she lifted her palms to show me her scars._

_"Sometimes it feels like I am allowing him to touch you through my hands. I nearly fought it off and I beg you to not fall for his spell."_

_I grabbed her hands and pulled them flat against my chest. "I don't feel him. These scars are not his brand, they are you. They are not a reminder of him, they remind me of what you are willing to bear, how strong you are, how brave. I never think of him when I feel them on my skin. Hands are not perfect anymore for me if they aren't scarred."_

I opened my eyes. There would be more scars on her body than there are already. Another reminder of how selfless she is. This time I got the chance to kiss them until they are only pale memories, something I missed out with her hands because I was too coward to tell her how much I loved her, how much I desired her, how much I longed for her.

I took her hand in mine, caressing the scar with my thumb, drifting back to the night Emily tried to kill Jane.

_I pulled her into a kiss and Jane rearranged herself on top of me. She leaned down on her right lower arm, her hand tangled into my hair. She was straddling me without putting her weight down. Her right leg was stretched out along my left one and the back of my right knee was resting on her left heel. Her toes tickled my calf._

_My white, silken-nighty was ridden up my thighs, resting on my hips. I felt Jane's skin from her inner legs rubbing over my outer ones as she leaned up to deepen the kiss. Her left fingers against my neck, index on my jaw, thumb pressing to my chin._

_I caressed her upper arm down from her shoulder, wrapping my fingers around it just above her elbow. Tasting her lips against mine I arched my back, pressing my belly to her abs. Wanting, needing her closer._

_As she parted her lips I took the chance and invaded the warm and wet cavern. The tip of my tongue caressed over the roof of her mouth. She closed her lips around it and sucked lightly before they moved in a sensual dance against each other._

_Her fingers slid down my neck over my chest to the swell of my right breast and back again, my left hand made it onto her bottom cheek, feeling her muscles moving. Her gentle strokes from my ear all the way down to the top of my breast let my nipples harden and the feather light movement of the silk teased to no end._

_*"Ti amerò per tutta la mia vita," she whispered against my lips._

_"Me too," I responded into the small gap between two kisses. I could easily spend my whole life kissing her and although it wasn't a lifetime, we spent three beautiful hours in that position, gently but nonetheless intensively kissing and another ten minutes facing each other onto our sides with little pecks here and there, settling down to sleep, snuggling._

I leaned over and kissed her lips softly. I wished she would wake up and just kiss me back. I missed her so much. Her voice, her eyes, even her grumpy mood in the early morning hours when we were called to a crime scene before dawn. I pulled my chap stick out of my purse, smearing it onto my right index finger, caressing over her lips, using every opportunity to physically connect to her.

Being totally captured into my action I missed that someone came into the room, startling me with their hand on my shoulder. As I looked up my fathers face came into view. He kissed my forehead.

"I am sorry I couldn't be here sooner but we were over two days away from the next airport," he whispered and I could hear that he really was sorry for it. "Isn't your mother with you?"

I nodded. "She is. She went over to Frankie's room. Jane's mother needs a little more support right now."

"How about you, my dear?"

"I miss her terribly. She has overcome her fever and I am a little less worried today but I miss her so much."

He kissed my forehead again. "I don't know her very well but what I know about her is that she is one hell of a fighter," his voice was confident and firm. He believed what he told me. "I am going to look out for your mother. I won't be long, getting you coffee as well."

_Two days after the third encounter with Hoyt we had packed up and left for a week in France, combining a very needed break with finally coming clean with my parents about our relationship._

_After a smooth evening run along the Seine and a generous shower, we were sitting on the couch, backs against the arm rest on opposite sides, legs entangled. Jane watched some sport and I was reading an article about some new developments to narrowing down the time of death._

_Jane was sipping at a bottle of beer and I had settled for a glass of 1989 Château Mouton-Rothschild. Well… me reading the article was rather incorrect_.  _I_   _had tried but watching Jane clenching and unclenching her muscles while something happened on the screen that gotten her all excited or annoyed was very distracting._

_As she took another sip of her beer I pressed my right foot against her abs and slid down slowly between her legs. Reaching my destination Jane spit her beer onto her chest. I watched the drops making their way down her skin, driven by gravity. Some of them gathered in her belly button, others soaking the waistband of her panties._

_Without wasting any time thinking about it I threw my magazine on the coffee table while I leaned forward and dipped my tongue into her navel._

_"Jeez Maura," she moaned. "Is there anything that isn't related to smut in your mind anymore?"_

_I bit gently down into the lower rim of her belly button. "You have to know that the navel can be directly connected to your private parts," I whispered. Having given up using the anatomical correctly words, in moments like this._

_Jane chuckled. "How about yours?" she asked turning us over in a swift move, one hand shoving my shirt up and the other pouring beer into my navel. Her question was answered the moment her tongue dipped down. Causing a heavy jerk from my hips._

_"It's also called 'the little vagina'," I moaned. I just had some light teasing in mind as I had started this but she was already driving me crazy, making it feel like she was licking my clit._

_"Is it possible to climax that way?"_

_I stretched my neck further, nearly touching the couch seat with the top of my skull. "Don't know…_

_Someone cleared his throat and we both shot up looking over the back of the couch. My father stood in the doorway of the terrace._

_"I… I knocked… but obviously you didn't hear me. I just wanted…ask…ask if you two would like to join… never mind I just should have left," he turned around and disappeared._

_I started laughing as I spotted Jane's pained face. "Jeez, he's gonna hate me," Jane murmured._

_I perked up one eyebrow. She chuckled but her face was still covered in a kind of fear and maybe shame._

_"Well Maura in my world a father pulls out his shotgun to rip you a new one into your sorry ass if he finds you with your tongue in any parts of his daughter."_

_I couldn't help but burst out laughing hard. "We are both clothed and he didn't see anything, because of the angle he was standing."_

_"I hope so because I don't have a gun to defend myself."_

_I had to laugh even harder. I pressed her down on her back and planted a loud smacking kiss onto her navel and stood._

_"Come on, let's join them to whatever they had to offer and don't be afraid I wouldn't allow him to disfigure any part of you."_

_It didn't come to Jane's horror scenario but either did it go the way I had thought, unmentioned. We had to stand some not so subtly teasing from both of my parents and Jane was embarrassed to no end half of the time._

_It was never an issue to name anything directly with my parents, not even sexuality but we never talked about something particular. This night I learned that the frankness about sex was obviously a heritage from them I picked up, much to Jane's chagrin. Never saw her blushing that often._

The day-nurse came into the room after knocking, changing Jane's dressings and to wash her. I know it is stupid but doing it by myself I felt like taking advantage of her. I couldn't help myself seeing repeatedly the scenario in front of my mind of a furious Angela bursting into the room accusing me for fondling her daughter in unconsciousness.

Fortunately the nurse was very gentle in handling Jane and she kept talking with her through the whole process. Explaining what she was doing, apologising before she touched her more intimate parts with the washcloth. Jane's wounds were looking really good despite the short amount of time healing since surgery.

It was odd. I had expected to feel something, watching someone touching her, although she was a nurse just doing her job.

_We were driving back to the head quarter after being called to a possible crime scene turned out to be a swinger club. The man seemed to have died by a heart attack and I had to examine him to eliminate a third person involved into his death._

_We were driving in silence for some time and I was surprised for Jane to come up with a question like this, normally avoiding any kind of too intimate information from my past._

_"Have you ever had a threesome?" I turned my head so fast around towards her I nearly wrenched my neck. She looked over at me for a moment. "Have you?" she asked again._

_"No," I answered not knowing why my voice sounded like it was a lie and I don't know why I had the urge to defend myself. "Look I may enjoy the benefits of sex but I am not a whore or…," she cut me off._

_"Jeez Maura calm down, I didn't say that and I didn't think that either. I was just curious. I won't ask anything ever again," she hissed the last part._

_"I am sorry," I whispered crestfallen. "You?"_

_"Yeah, the day hell freezes over…," she muttered. "Things like that scare the hell out of me. Not knowing if you are missing something. I don't think I could stand watching anyone touch you," she whispered defeated and deathly serious._

_I laid my hand on top of her right biceps. "Pull over," I requested. She searched my eyes and then obeyed without any questions. I unbuckled and turned towards her, closing both hands around her face._

_"Answer me one question," I stated softly. "When we love each other does it feels to you like I am missing anything?"_

_I forced her to look directly into my eyes, her lips pressing together into a thin line and then she shook her head, barely noticeable._

_I nearly snorted about how unconfident the great Detective Rizzoli could be sometimes._

_"I love you so much I would wait for you until the last day of my life. I would renounce every physically contact if I had to chose between it and the emotional bond we have. I don't miss anything because you are the most perfect lover anyone could wish for and if you don't want it any other way I will make it very clear for you. I always was a challenging sexual partner. I wasn't easy to satisfy but with you the only challenge is not to come undone the moment you touch me. I love you Jane and I really hope I can convince you that you are everything I ever need, both physically and emotionally. In my bed and in my life."_

I smiled at the thought of this conversation, it had been in an early state of our relationship and she had me screaming at the top of my lungs more than once later that night. Her abilities of physically satisfying me never seemed to be an issue again, leaving her insecurities when it came to my upbringing and lifestyle which I missed melting into thin air.

If she hadn't made it clear in France I would probably still be thinking she was just tired of remembering me that she was brought up differently and couldn't effort that much as me. She had overcome it all by herself and accepted that together meant together. I knew it was a toll on her, knowing that some of the knuckleheads in the force called her my 'sex toy' and it makes me still proud how much she walks out of her character for me and keeps fighting for our relationship to be seen as serious as it is for both of us.

_It was the day after her thirtieth birthday and the ridiculous gift from Detective Crowe._

_After our playful but also serious talk about sex toys we had ordered some food and started to watch a movie, I never learned more than half of the story because we ended up on the carpet between couch and coffee table making sweet love for hours._

_As I walked up to the bullpen I saw her sitting on the edge of Detective Crowe's desk. He was slouching down in his chair and watched her with his typically arrogant half-smile._

_She talked to him in a very calm voice and if you didn't know Jane Rizzoli you would have thought she was deeply relaxed, which was nothing but a delusion. If Jane is angry or disappointed, frustrated and she talks in a way like that, she is more dangerous and you are in far more trouble as when she is obviously furious._

_Leave it to a fool like Detective Crowe to think she was eating the humble pie._

_"Should I have bought a heatable one, I mean for defrosting the 'Ice Queen'. I didn't get a thank-you note from her, do you need more practice banging her like a real man?"_

_"You really think you are funny, aren't you?" she asked him, dangling her feet._

_"I nearly waited a lifetime to get a hold on your balls, Rizzoli. You didn't think I would pass the opportunity."_

_"How did they announce you to your mother after she squeezed your dickhead out? Congratulation it's a… asshole or did she just drop you one time too often to the floor? Look I am not here to have one of our lovely small talks. I don't like you and you don't like me, that's okay but what is not okay is how you are dealing with something that isn't your business. The fact that we are both have to work with you doesn't give you the right to penetrate our privacy."_

_"Penetrate? Yeah I would like to penetrate some private parts of the lovely doctor."_

_"Watch your damn mouth Crowe or I shove my badge up your ass until you can taste it on your tongue," she hissed low._

_"I would appreciate it if you could spare us your tales about things you dreamed of seeing in the morgue and also your shameful surprises. Tampons in water bottles are as old as the beard of my grandfather is long. Condoms filled with cream may have been funny back in the fifth grade and your agonizing birthday gift was a waste of money, because it is now rotting in the dumpster."_

_She looked directly into his face. "I give you the 'oh so funny' jokes about Detective 'Gayzzoli', because the only one you are degrading with it is yourself, but and I mean it bitterly serious if you ever insult Maura again I swear you are going to regret this. I really love her and I am not going to tolerate your behaviour anymore."_

_Without another word she stood and turned, detecting me sitting in her chair. "Is it a new habit of you to eavesdropping me?" she teased while she sat down on the edge of her desk, her legs pushing mine slightly apart, hinting to me accidently walking in on her and Barry, sitting on top of the stairs to the backyard having one of their rarely, really serious conversations. Without the jokes and the usually sarcasm._

_They were talking about us for the first time. The fact that Jane and I became a couple had been just taken in and never discussed after they had caught us kissing in my office._

_"You know a family is there to love you with every flaw and quirk you have. Don't get me wrong, I don't think loving someone from the same gender is a flaw but it was never an issue. You and Maura are perfect for each other, you belong together, you are made for each other. How could one of us possibly be not okay with that," he laughed._

_"I am handing you my balls on a silver platter but I love you, like the sister I never had and the same goes for the doc and all I want for you is to be happy and the same goes for Korsak. He may be old and old-school sometimes but you are like his baby and believe me or not, he nearly cried in the elevator. He said he didn't know anyone who had earned a little luck as much as you have."_

_Family. How much family means I learned the day my half brother ended up on one of my tables. I never was feverishly searching for my birth parents, but not knowing anything about them made me ask myself such an amount of questions and always fuelled my insecurities about being unwanted._

_Jane had told me more than once that DNA and blood didn't make a family. A family is only made from love, unconditionally, eternal love._

_I have a theory about how Tommy O'Rouke ended up dead. I know for sure it wasn't Jane, she had promised it. It could have been Barry or Vince, or both of them, but I am sure it was none of them at all. No one ever talked about it but I am pretty sure if there wasn't another solution all three of them would have tipped off Paddy Doyle._

_I remembered Vince talking about that Doyle couldn't just walk into my office without having a contact inside the BPD, so my theory based on the fact that the three of them made sure that as much as possibly inside the building knew about Tommy O'Rouke was responsible for the death of Colin._

_This is what family means, they are all willing to risk anything without a second thought to keep me safe, alive and family means also a crazy 'Rizzoli-drama' about a burst water main, with yelling and swearing only to end up laughing again, sharing funny childhood stories. Where it doesn't matter that my birth father is a mob boss and wanted for 15 murders, probably even more that are not assigned to him._

*** Ti amerò per tutta la mia vita =I will love you for** **all my** **life**

 

**Thank you for spending your time with me again.**

**Have a nice week 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	28. I love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

 

**_This is what family means, they are all willing to risk anything without a second thought to keep me safe, alive and family means also a crazy 'Rizzoli-drama' about a burst water main, with yelling and swearing only to end up laughing again, sharing funny childhood stories. Where it doesn't matter that my birth father is a mob boss and wanted for 15 murders, probably even more that are not assigned to him, yet._ **

Maura's POV

I gave my key to my parents. "There is a guestroom downstairs, one upstairs, the guesthouse or you can sleep in our bedroom. I am afraid there will be nothing left for you to eat but the left drawer of the desk behind the couch is holding enough menus from delivering services if you don't want to go out. Make yourself at home, there is lot of wine. Red wine is in the rack in the kitchen or in the basement, white is in the wine fridge."

It had taken me an hour to talk my parents out of staying with me. My mother had already slept one night on a chair to accompany me and although I was glad they were there for me, it wasn't necessary to sacrifice their night rest for my sake.

I was so tired, but each time I closed my eyes the pure fear of something happening to Jane grabbed me. Crushing my heart until I ended up having a panic attack, I was convinced the moment I fell into a slumber something was going to take her away from me.

The intervals falling into micro-sleep were getting shorter which fuelled my panic even further, knowing very well that it was only a matter of time until I would fall into a deep sleep.

I got up and wandered around the room. Being on ICU the windows weren't feasible to open, so I mused about an ice cold shower. Leaving the door widely open I dressed down and stepped under the spray. My heart skipped a beat as the water hit my skin. I pressed my hands and forehead against the cold tiles, getting used to the low temperature.

After all it would buy me the time to overcome my dead center. I thought about what to do when I stepped out of the shower. Reading was not an option as it would possible tiring my eyes even more but I couldn't pace the room the whole time either. Leaving her side I wouldn't not even consider it if my life would depend on it.

I made it another hour until I nodded off the first time, jerking awake just some minutes later hearing her heart monitor blaring with the sound of the flat-line. I was confused and my view was blurred, how was it possible for her state to turn so fast to the worse? My heart was racing and breathing hurt a lot. The only thing that made me calm down was the feeling of her pulse beating clearly under my fingertips.

The nearly unbearable fear preserved me from nodding off a second time that fast, but sleep came unfortunately. The next time I couldn't escape my dream that easily. She opened her eyes and starred at me, panic written all over her face. A large stain of blood drenched the area where the bullet hat entered her.

I pressed my hand above her wound and another stain appeared on the white gown, directly where her heart was seated. I pressed my second hand to it and another spot came into my view and then it happened faster and faster. She bled, out of a dreadful amount of wounds all over her torso and as I thought it couldn't get worse blood ran out of her ears, eyes, nose and mouth and she still stared at me, pleading me to help her.

I woke up to my own voice, screaming. Frantically I yanked the cover out of the way, furiously searching her body for wounds and blood. I crawled onto the small strip of mattress on her right, uninjured side, pressed my face into the side of her neck and sobbed like I have never done before in my life.

I wept until I felt asleep again, exhausted, this time into a very deep slumber.

_"I can't decide which part of your body is my favourite," Jane whispered into my ear lying half on top of my back, the nails of her right hand tickling over my skin. "I mean beside your eyes."_

_Her lips fondling the back of my neck. "I love your cute ears and how you are writhing when I kiss them."_

_"I love your beautiful neck, I love it how your larynx moves against my lips and the hums you make when I lightly suck at it," she licked over my throat._

_"I love your musculus trapezius," I laughed about her using the correct term. She kissed the muscle on top of my shoulder above my collarbone. "Especially this part."_

_"Musculus trapezius pars descendens," I named the part she had just kissed as the whole muscle was consisting of three parts._

_"I love it how it stands out and how it emphasize your shoulder."_

_"I love the small of your back, so sensitive and accenting all of your curves perfectly," the back of her tongue scooted down my coccyx and she started kissing my bottom cheeks._

_"Well and then there is your really, really cute ass. This part of you is definitely ranking in my top five."_

_"Your legs. Boy, I really love your legs. They drove me nearly out of my mind and I would probably say they are my absolutely number two after your eyes, but it sounds so cliché. The most I love about them is how they feel wrapped around me, although they are damn sexy just to look at. Especially when you are bare feet and wearing nothing but one of my button downs, preferably a white one."_

_She rolled me over and kissed my right foot. "I am fascinated about how small and soft they are despite you are torturing them in those shoes all day long."_

_"It's not a tor…," she shushed me before I could go all over the roof explaining how comfortable high heels could be, after you had broke them in, but that piece of information I would withhold forever._

_She caressed over my legs. "We already covered that part of you." She scooted higher and hovered over my sex. "Well that would be weird if someone was going to ask me," she giggled. Pressing a kiss to my pubis and whispered a 'coming back later' into the skin making me laugh._

_She circled around my navel with her nose. "I really don't get how everything on you can be so perfect."_

_"I am far from perfect. My hips are too wide, my breasts are unproportional in comparison to the rest of my body and my face and my nose could be a little smaller too."_

_"Yeah, of course Maura!"_

_"I love the small valley above your belly button," the tip of her tongue tickled me there._

_"And I love your magnificent, flawless breasts. Mostly I love about them that they are so sensitive and responding to my touch, but making them to my favourite part would make me one awful sexist," she skimmed her teeth gently over each nipple._

_"I love the small dip on your sternum, it looks like someone poked you there and it didn't regress."_

_"I love every single one of your freckles and it annoys me that some of them are so tiny that I can't kiss them one by one," her lips roamed over the skin of my chest._

_"I love your collarbones, so strongly defined and the hollows between them and your shoulders," her tongue draw around the edge of the valleys._

_"I love your jugular notch," she sucked lightly at my skin there._

_"I love your sexy lips and how they taste, like strawberry and Maura."_

_She kissed the tip of my nose. "For me it's perfect, no matter what you think. You have to appeal yourself and no one else. If someone insults your nose they should watch their own because it could easily get broken, accidentally."_

_She kissed my lips once more. "But the cutest thing I have ever seen is your single dimple on your cheek." She stroked with her nose over the area where it appears when I smiled. "Despite your smile of course," she added as it made it on my face._

_She kissed me again before her lips came very close to my ear. "And now I'm gonna have a talk with your most private part about classifying into my ranking," she breathed raw._

_The most significant physical difference between having sex before Jane and sleeping with her, except for the obviously varieties between a man and a woman, is the pace._

_There are occasions when we act faster than usual but nine times out of ten we stay that slow that it is nearly a torture, a very satisfying nonetheless, right before climax. It takes me every ounce of self-control not to pick up the roll of my hips to a frenzied pace, but the thrill of anticipation of having multiple orgasms and the most thrilling certitude to find protective arms around me the moment I am most vulnerable outweigh the need of a quick release._

_There is also the fact that you are able to enjoy your partner much more, regardless of whether we pleasure each other simultaneously, receive or give. It is a special gift to feel every reaction, change and move. No matter how many times we make love it never gets old. I never can stop marvelling at how she makes me feel and how I can make her feel._

_"Don't stop, baby," I breathed. "Don't stop."_

_I am so addicted to Jane it is impossible for me to separate anything related to sex ever again from her. Maybe that's cheesy or sappy or any other word for being silly in love with her but I am sure I will never again be able to reach an orgasm without at least thinking of her. Leaving aside the fact, that I don't ever want to experience any, without Jane._

_"Jesus Jane," I whispered. But my voice is nonetheless high pitched, the moment I fall over the edge, welcoming her tongue inside me._

_The scientist inside of me wonders always if it is really possible to change the manifestation of your type. Before Jane I was the peak-type, climax was the peak and after that I was immediately cold. With her I turned into the plateau-type. I am constantly aroused, from the second she touches me to the moment I am fully sated or even over and above until I am too exhausted to stay awake anymore._

_The woman in love inside of me knows the answer to that exactly; finding the right one, your soul mate turns everything upside down, even science._

_I was always someone who glorified autoerotism. Not only to relieve pent up tension but also as you don't have to pretend you are interested into someone else's needs. You just can be yourself and enjoy, without a race or any kind of force._

_Being with Jane this part of me atrophied completely, not because she is more than capable to satisfy me physically, but because the way she treats me. There is never, not even a glimmer of negative feelings. Not even the one time, thankfully it only happened once, I couldn't receive an orgasm._

_For the very first time being with her my mind wasn't able to let go. There was so much going on. Jane was as loving as always and it wasn't that I didn't enjoy everything she did. I just couldn't relax. I sensed that she knew that something wasn't right, she slowed down and crawled up to me kissing and fondling with her lips all over my skin. I had taken her hand and leaded her back between my legs._

_I didn't exactly know what happened but I was desperate. It wasn't Jane's fault but I had already made my encounter with anger against me for not getting finished. Suddenly there was the fear of Jane being angry at me for that and I even lowered myself and begged her to fuck me hard. She withdrew her hand from my sex and stroke up my side before caressing my cheek with her thumb._

_"I don't know what's wrong with me." I was so angry at myself, suddenly. Disappointing Jane was the last thing I wanted to do._

_She locked her gaze with me. "Nothing is wrong with you. It just happens. The world doesn't stop spinning because of it."_

_"I am sorry for disappointing you," I whispered defeated._

_Jane stroked my nose with hers gently. "Oh Maura… do you really thing you could disappoint me with something like that? I should be sorry. Sorry for letting you think it would crush my ego," a tear ran down her face and I knew I had really hurt her._

_The thing I do, getting nervous is rambling and all the things I wanted to say bubbles out of me in a rush usually, but as I open my mouth she stopped me with a kiss. It was even more gentle and tender as it would be normally._

_"Open your eyes," she whispered. She withdrew her left hand from my face and scooted down her own body. My eyes followed her fingers as she stayed hovering over me. Her fingers slid down between her own legs._

_"God baby," she whispered next to my ear and as she sensed my hand moved towards hers she whispered again. "No touching. Just relax."_

_Well if I ever thought I was horny, that was definitely before I witnessed Jane touching herself._

_*" Mi togli il fiato" she whispered._ _Jane could be so wily, knowing exactly what she does to me using Italian._

_She searched for my eyes and held the contact and it literally pressed the air out of my lungs. Her eyes were pitch-black with arousal and her face was so much relaxed that she was painfully beautiful, more beautiful than I ever had realized._

_I stretched my chin towards her and moaned, pulling my shoulders together._

_"Touch your self for me, Maur," she purred and I felt like molten metal were running through my veins. A violently shiver ran all over my skin and my hand moved slowly down my body. I brushed the back of her hand as my own slid between my legs._

_I matched her slow pace and focused much more on her heavy breathing next to my ear than to the task of pleasuring myself. Back at times when I had dreamed of Jane's body against mine I never had imagined for her to be such an insightfully lover. With her I learned that a good lover isn't the one who is skilled. Although she is, very much actually._

_Regardful, sensitive, tender, gentle. Always the gentleman, in lack of a better term, she does everything for me. Being it extending my pleasure every time I am too aroused to enjoy our love making as much as I liked it to or the thing she does now for me and only for me. I know she would turn down her own arousal for me and hold me the whole night instead, but she knows how desperately I need the release right now and she knows how to make it happen so that I can lose myself._

_*"Vieni per me_ ,  _mia_   _più bella cosa," she breathed._

_"Nhhh. I'm so close baby. I need you to touch me, please Jane. I don't wanna do it on my own. Touch me baby, please."_

_It was like an impact as her fingers caressed trough my wetness and my hand was between her legs in an instant. As much as I needed her touch I also needed to feel her on my own._

_I pressed my lips hard against hers. *"Je jouis," I moaned loudly as one of the most powerful orgasms, I ever reached, hit me and we danced together through our lovers high._

_Falling asleep in the position we were, spent and exhausted._

_I groaned, sensing Jane's breathing on my face. "Tired, baby," I moaned sleepily._

My hands had a deathly grip on Jane's hospital gown, so hard my fingers hurt. I sensed her breath again, next to my ear. My brain was still in slow motion as I wasn't awake halfway but even then something was bugging me. How could her nose be near my ear when the tip of my nose was touching the side of her neck?

That wasn't possible, except for…

My eyes snapped open and I was greeted with chocolate brown orbs, looking at me. I thought for a moment about pinching myself, afraid I was still dreaming.

My brain wasn't able to process that she was awake, looking at me. Too many things ran trough my head. I wanted to laugh, cry, kiss her, sooth her, hold her, squeeze her. As my hand touched her cheek the room was suddenly crowded. I hadn't heard someone coming in and clearly not thought about the fact that the change in Jane's states would set off an alarm at the nurse station.

Before I had the chance to say anything to her I was watching from far across the room how they worked on her. Checking her vitals, removing the breathing tube. I felt like the last days, doomed to stand by and watch what was happening around me and suddenly all the hours of waiting, praying and guarding over her crashed down on me at once.

Obviously I had blacked out and caused a vicious circle. Becoming conscious I found myself in a hospital bed, my parents beside me. Without the trickle of a second I panicked. My mother leaned over me and tried to calm me. The only thing pulling finally a reaction from me were the words 'You only have to outstretch your arm to touch her' and as I turned my head Jane was lying in her own bed just a fiew inches away.

After my panic attack had wore off my parents explained that my collapse had forced the doctor's to sedate Jane again, only lightly according to them. She had obviously not taken my reaction very well. And now I felt added to everything, resting already on my shoulders, guilty.

Guilty for not being strong enough, guilty for having Jane worried about me, guilty for being responsible that Jane was forced into unconsciousness again. Guilty towards her parents for stealing her away, again.

After being a successful host at my own pity party for a while my craving for close contact to Jane was unbearable. I blended out everything and crawled into Jane's bed curling up against her. I kissed her neck and scooted along the outline of her ear with my nose, smelling her hair.

"I am so sorry baby," I whispered. "I can't be strong like you, apparently. I miss you so much. I need you, Jane." I wasn't able to fight anymore and I felt myself drifting over into sleep, attended by her scent and warmth and the familiar feeling of her body.

_Arriving at Jane's family home I felt a little nervous, after today's dinner we would tell them about the change in our relationship. Even the fact, that Angela was so much supporting and at ease with us being a couple didn't help me to relax. I didn't know exactly why I was afraid but knowing how much Jane loved all of her family and would be devastated if anyone was not going to accept us._

_After dessert we enjoyed some espresso as Jane cleared her throat. "I… Maura and I want to tell you something," her voice was surprisingly strong and clear. Her mother nodded lightly to encourage her. "We are a couple," she just put it out into the open and we were met with totally silence._

_Jane was more at ease as me about telling the rest of her family, she was convinced that everything would be fine. She assured me more than once that nothing else matters than being happy and that her family always came clean over anything. She told me that whatever they did through their life, their parents were maybe angry for some hours but they always forgave and forgot. Now I felt her getting nervous._

_She cleared her throat again. "Did you hear what I said?" she asked. Her father looked up to her. "Yes I did," he stated and Frankie chimed in. "It's not a big surprise, you know? You knew each other barely and you were already attached at the hip. How you looked at each other or how you communicate without words, you are always so close. That's creepy, you know and I think no one at work will be surprised either, they already think that you are a couple."_

_Jane looked over to him. "We both know that has nothing to do with us being close, that's only some gossiping cops with dirty minds and we were just close friends back then."_

_"No you weren't and I tell you why. I have seen 'close' friends before," he used air quotes to emphasize the word close._

_"You may have a lot in common with them but there are things friends do that you didn't and the other way around. For example you never kissed each other, girls can do that. Girls do that all the time, on the cheek or even on the lips but you both seem to avoid that like the plague, like something terrible would happen if you did and let's not start with the jealousy. Every time someone tried to flirt with one of you the other seems to boil over."_

_He looked at both of us in turns. "You looked at each other like the other one was the last piece of food while you were starving and your touches are different. It always looks like you both were hesitating but needy to touch each other and I never thought someone would wrap my sister so easily around their finger."_

_His eyes roamed over Jane's face. "Well… before I talk myself further into trouble… You are perfect for each other, anyone who can't see that is an idiot."_

_Jane looked over to her father. She was more like him that she was her mother. Cold and hard at the outside but Frank was always warm-hearted in his actions. "I always wanted more girls," he said raising his beer bottle slightly._

_I remembered last Christmas, my first one inside a family, my first real Christmas after all and I remember the only thing missing for it to be perfect was the fact that Jane didn't come home with me. Maybe she would, but not in the sense I wished so desperately._

_We arrived at four p.m. at Christmas Eve, welcomed to cookies and hot chocolate, traditional for them, the Rizzoli men where out to log the tree by themselves and we waited for them to return. Setting up the well chosen tree we started to decorate it, all together. Adding to the usual decorations in red and silver every Rizzoli had one ornament. Beautiful animal shaped ornaments from balsawood, expressing the character of every one of them. Jane's was a lion, no question why this was chosen for her. After they all had hung up theirs Angela brought out a small box._

_"We have chosen this one for you, all together," she opened it and presented the box to me. My very first, very own ornament was the shape of an eagle._

_"We usually get ours at Christmas the year we turn five," Jane whispered and it made totally sense as your character would be showing by then already very clearly._

_They have a very unique tradition around Christmas and nobody knows exactly which part is created by family and which is archaic, Italian._

_They start decorating the house the night before the first Advent. They log and set up the tree on Christmas Eve and celebrate the night with a family meal without eating any kind of meat and after dinner they play a kind of game to prolong the exchange of gifts._

_Angela got up and walked over to the tree and blindly pulled out one present, she read the name on it aloud. Frankie got up and unwrapped the present, throwing the paper to the floor, thanked for his present and pulled out the next one from under the tree, without looking which one he got. We spent over an hour exchanging presents like this and despite the progressing chaos on the floor it was real fun._

_All I wanted to do in that night was taking her home with me. I thought about how it would feel to stand beside her in front of the sink, going through our routine, getting ready for bed. Surely she would be finished before I would be halfway ready._

_Maybe she would come up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist, kissing my neck, distracting me from the task. I would try to concentrate, playfully pretending to resist her for some minutes but in the long run I wouldn't be able to. I would turn my head and capture her lips in a soft kiss, turning around in the meantime._

_I would grab the fabric near her collar and pull her firmer against me, feeling her body that close would send me from familiarity of the scene towards arousal. The kiss would possible grow deeper and I would start to push her slowly back into my bedroom lowering us onto the mattress and I would burn up in the fire that is Jane Rizzoli._

_But sadly I found myself alone on the threshold of my house, watching her leave. I didn't know why she always avoided being alone with me in a private places but I wished more than anything that it was the fact that she wouldn't be able to resist me anymore if we were._

_I longed again for her that night but not even then I allowed myself to dream about that thirteen days later I would find myself writhing underneath her._

Indeed it was and is the most soothing and comforting feeling to have standing your love beside you at the sink, while brushing teeth and removing make-up. Having an automatism every morning, sharing the preparation of breakfast.

However grumpy or tired she still is she walks silently over to the fridge and gets milk and juice and marmalade. Setting the table with plates and silverware, while me getting coffee and toast ready. It makes a house to a home, seeing her jacket hanging over one of the barstools, finding her scrunchies everywhere, the sound of paws scraping on the wooden floor the moment you open the door.

_We were packing the last boxes, tonight we would be officially moving into the new house. Well officially only I was moving, but that didn't matter. We both would be living together, if anyone did know about it or not was a side issue. I was wrapping up my dresses into clothes bags as I heard Jane hiss a 'whoa' and I found her standing in the threshold._

_"How about you warn me the next time about the things I'm going to find in your nightstand," she grinned mischievously and although I didn't waste a single thought to it in months I knew exactly what she had found._

_I smiled at her and shrugged my shoulders. "I am sorry," I whispered half amused, half serious._

_"Where do you want me to store that," she asked as if we were talking about a trivial book she had found but hold it up in front of her chest like it was a contaminated something. She barely gripped it with her index and thumb around the bottom. I had to contain a laugh._

_"You know it is not dangerous to hold it," I started getting closer to her, whispering in her ear. "It's only been inside of me and it's clean." I took the violet, discreetly sized vibrator from her. "I think this can be disposed, there is no need for it anymore…unless…," I breathed._

_She looked at me for a moment and I saw a lot of emotions run over her face. I didn't know where she would settle but I put my arms around her neck and pulled her against me._

_"We don't have to but I think maybe we should give it a try as it's here already. It is different than a strap on." I scooted even closer and whispered lower than before. "I am not sure if I like any kind of phallus inside of me anymore," and that was the whole truth. I never missed anything and I wasn't sure if I would like to have something near me that wasn't a part of Jane._

_Before I could caught up with it I was on my back with her on top of me. We removed our clothes slowly while kissing and for all that she was as gentle as always and spent a lot of time pampering and preparing me for what was about to come it felt foreign, cold and wrong._

_She didn't hurt me with it or anything else, it just felt misplaced. After three slow strokes with it I covered her hand and pulled it out. "I want to feel you and I can't," I whispered and she replaced it with two of her slender fingers and as stupid or silly as it may sound I was really glad I hadn't to pretend having sex with men anymore and in that moment I knew for sure I would never again enjoy intimacy with anyone but Jane._

We were both happy we had gotten rid of this elephant. It had solved a lot of things at once. We both knew for sure that the other one really didn't miss anything. We stilled both our curiosity of experimenting with this part and it brought us even closer together. Knowing that your partner is willing to do everything for you, bind together nonetheless.

Another hurdle we cleared accidentally and this topic was far more delicate than using sex toys. It happened while one of the rarer occasions we were penetrating each other and it had gotten a little steamier that usually. I knew already that I liked it when she touched my perineum which had happened before unintentionally. This time however it was a mix of me moving and her slipping that the tip of her pinkie ended up touching my anus.

She froze immediately and after wearing off her shock she apologised over and over and suddenly we both burst out into laughter.

_"Stop apologising," I pressed out between laughing and trying to breath. "After all it wasn't that bad…," she stopped and looked at me offended but as she spoke I knew she wasn't seriously affronted._

_"Not that bad, huh?"_

_I stopped laughing also and moved to kiss her. "No," I pecked her lips. "Actually it felt nice, somehow. Maybe nice isn't the right word, but…," I started rambling and this time she kissed me. Longer than a simple peck._

It was a whole new experience. She simply pressed the tip of her pinkie against it while she pleasured me and the moment I climaxed she entered me just with the first phalanx and the result was overwhelming. I never thought I could feel so much at once.

She didn't like it being at the receiving end at first but nonetheless she asked me to try it again until she was used to it. We don't perform anal sex in the proper sense and we both never penetrate each other deeper than just the first inch and we don't do it very often. It just happens occasionally and it is just like everything with Jane, a pure expression of love and trust.

For the next hours I spent my time lying close to Jane, thinking about so much and waiting again for her to wake up.

For the very first time I thought about the plan I had formed the night Jane kissed me while she thought I was asleep. I never told her about it, but I would. I would tell her so much I never said. I would tell her how I felt the first time we met and all the dreams I had about her and I would like it to get a view of the things that happened in her mind until the day we finally kissed.

We both knew very early that there was more than a friendly feeling for each other but we were both to afraid what would happen if it wouldn't go well between us. I never had a real friend before and even as Jane had other people to hang out with, a close friend with whom she would share anything was also new to her. My plan was simple. The next time she would throw one of the sexual innuendos at me I would call her out on it, asking her what she would do if I would take her offer until then I would turn up the heat, wearing tighter dresses, shorter ones, lower cut than ever before. I planned on standing even closer, touching her more than ever, holding gazes longer.

I would make myself presenter to her, invading her mind and hopefully stay there until she would be brave enough to act and I reached my destination much faster than I dreamed of. I will forever remember the moment her lips touched mine in my kitchen and all the possibilities that raced through my mind. As I had enough of waiting I kissed her and it was the best decision in my life.

After another nap I searched for my phone to have a look at the clock, putting it into flight mode after I had called my mother the first morning. I looked at the picture being my background. It was a relatively new picture, take just a week before the shooting, our last date night before we ended up in the hospital.

_-short add to our date, please wear a dress, sexy and colourful, love you xo J-_

_-now I'm even more exited, love you more, picking you up at seven, looking_

_forward xo M-_

_The Car made a leap forward as the front door opened and Jane came out. She wore a black silk dress, a lot of cleavage. The fabric around it ruffled and loosely clinging, sleeves just slightly to her elbows and black heels. My mouth was instantly dry as Jane took the first step. The dress parted on the right side and the naked skin of her leg, all the way up until her hip, appeared. I fumbled on my seatbelt and as it finally got open I was immediately beside Jane. Unable to say anything I grabbed her hand._

_"God… Jane," I moaned._

_"Contenance, Dr. Isles. We are in a hurry, may I?"_

_I opened the passenger door like in trance and offered my hand to Jane, helped her to get in. Jane handed me a notice with the address. After a silent drive we reached a hotel._

_The doors opened and hands were offered to us, the car was taken to park it. Jane offered her left arm and whispered. "Let me surprise you."_

_I swallowed. "Oh I don't think you are able to outshine that," I motioned to Jane's dress. She stopped mid-moved, took my hand and a step away from me to take look._

_I had decided to wear a blazing red dress, on the left it reached just below my knee and on the right it left the lower half of my thigh bare, fitting to it heels in the same colour._

_"I see you followed my request. Very, very sexy, doc. Adorable like always."_

_I breathed heavy. "Believe me, beside you I'm fading completely. There are no words to be suitable."_

_Jane offered her arm again. "Come on we are together not even beautiful enough to be worth the waiting."_

_A garçon_ _leaded us to a table in a separè . Served was a five-course meal. Salad with honey-roasted dug breast, Bouillabaisse, sea-devil with herbal-crunch and lime-sauce, coq au vin and cider-mousse with raspberries. Jane had especially ordered smaller portions in view of our activities after dinner, she informed me, whatever those activities would be, she kept a secret._

_After diner we were leaded into a ball room, dark wooden floor, deep red and heavy brocade curtains, gigantic chandelier at the ceiling. There were already three couples in the room. Close after we had walked into the room another pair followed and stopped mid-room and bowed down._

_"It is a pleasure to welcome you all and we hope to rub off some of our passion on you. Please take your place and leave enough room between you and the other couples."_

_Slowly I had an idea what this was about. As the music started there was no doubt. Tango dancing class. We had already danced together before but it was more likely swaying or a slow dance, not much difficulty._

_She surprised me once more, with having an amazing sense of tact and the fact that she definitely had done this before._

_"I didn't know you could dance," not knowing what to say instead. For some seconds I had considered to ravish her on the backseat of my car before we left toward our date and now I definitely had to hold all of my horses. Feeling her body against mine, wearing this threat of a dress, practically having legal sex in public, vertically._

_Her eyes roamed over my face before she slightly bent her head. "I thought I already demonstrated that I can control my body," she whispered raw and made me shiver._

_Of course we had dancing lessons in boarding school but Tango was usually not one of my favourites, too intimate for my liking. Once again she abrogated every law. She leaded us over the parquet like she never did anything else in her life._

_"When this is over we have to hurry home or we are going to risk being arrested for indecent behaviour. The fewer than average room in the back of my car is tempting me since you stepped out of the door tonight," I breathed grinding against her hipbone as she pressed her hand against the small of my back._

_"So this is finally the date where I get into your pants," she hissed low and I laughed._

_"I would have been happy if you had gotten into my pants at the movies on the very first date," I whispered hoarsely. "I really don't know how I managed it not to jump you in the six month before we got together."_

_"Well, than maybe it will make you happy that I reserved a room for us, for tonight."_

_How could a simple sentence possible make someone this aroused? Well… it doesn't really matter. I am going to make this date count and I am going to make sure that she knows how thankful I am for everything…_

* _Mi togli il fiato = you take my breath away_

* _vieni per me_ ,  _mia_   _più bella cosa = come for me, my most beautiful thing_

_* je jouis = I am coming (I enjoy, but it's meant that way )_

**Thanks for reading!**

**Have a nice day 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	29. I want a do-over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

 

_**How could a simple sentence possible make someone this aroused? Well… it doesn't really matter. I am going to make this date count and I am going to make sure that she knows how thankful I am for everything…** _

Maura's POV

_We shared a tender kiss on the threshold, like every time we end our dates and switch from High school back to reality. However I grabbed Jane's face between my hands and kissed her once more._

_"Don't leave," I whispered against her lips, standing on my tiptoes breathing next to her ear, pretending our 'role-play'. "I want to sleep with you. I want a do-over. From the moment you first kissed me I wished it was you deflorating me."_

_I pulled her, steadily connected to her lips, into our hotel room. After she kicked the door shut with her heel we froze on the spot, getting lost in one of those kisses, leaving us breathless and causing our heartbeats to summersault._

_She played with some strands that had loosened from my French pleat, touching my neck lightly during the lasting kiss. I felt like I have had too much alcohol. My knees were already weak and I was shivering slightly. I intertwined my fingers on the back of her neck, my thumbs stroking her ears, holding myself up at her._

_Jane's left hand was pressed against the small of my back and her right between my shoulder blades, supporting me and pulling me closer. Her fingers on my naked skin burned like glowing iron._

_She silently hummed a melody without breaking our kiss and gently started to sway. I could sense the vibrations her vocal cords were creating against my lips and every muscle of her rippling made my stomach flutter._

_My right hand slid down her chest, coming to rest above her heart. I could feel the rapid beat against my palm. Although this was somehow just a sort of game I knew she was very serious about it and I loved her even more for it._

_I know she would march on and try to get me the moon if I asked for it and requesting this sweet, innocent role-play months ago I learned quickly not to expect half-hearted things from her. Once switched, she will fulfil her role perfectly._

_"You don't have to be nervous. It is just me," I whispered against her lips, breaking the kiss for the first time without removing my lips from her._

_"But I am," she breathed back. "Not for the reasons you may think. It doesn't matter where we go from here. I am not afraid to disappoint you because I know you would never be. I am nervous because of you. Because you take my breath away, make my heart want to break out its cage, make my stomach flutter. After all this months it sometimes still feels like a dream to me."_

_"If it is, I never want to wake up," reconnecting our lips I slowly made my way down, wanting to touch her skin and simultaneously fulfil my desire to do what I wanted to do since I saw her in this sin of a dress._

_I felt her muscles twitching as I touched her bare leg, moving my hand further I placed it on the side of her thigh, my fingertips grazing the skin of her bottom. It is a mix of tickle and arousal she feels, she explained to me once, when I brush along the junction between her butt and her legs, sometimes she moans and sometimes she giggles._

_Then she did something that left me breathless and wondering if there was something wrong with me after all. It was the most erotic thing I ever witnessed. Her hands glided up under my armpits and she lifted me up, sliding against her body until I was over-towering her._

_I know she is strong, but lifting me that easily did something to me I wasn't sure something so simple should do._

_"I love you," she murmured against my lips. She held me above her for some small kisses before I touched the ground again. With a smooth move I opened the silver-colored clasp holding the crossed straps on my back together and my dress slid effortless down to my feet, leaving me in nothing but a red thong and red heels, laced around my legs._

_I could hear the gasp that escaped her lips as she noticed my state of dressing, or rather undressing. I took both of her hands in mine and pressed them to my cheeks, slowly moving down until they were covering my breasts._

_Her scars grazing my nipples sent a wave of arousal between my legs and for sure it was becoming visible already. My hands left hers and I reached around and pulled down the zipper of her dress, slowly. Enjoying the sound of breaking teeth._

_She wore a matching pair of black satin, thong and a low cut bra. I clung myself at her and as her arms surrounded me I lifted my legs slowly, wrapping them around her waist. My lips grazed the shell of her ear._

_"Take me to bed, baby." My voice was only a low rasp and I could feel the shiver that ran through her._

_She balanced us over and sat down slowly on the edge of the mattress, bringing me down onto her lap._

_We touched only with fingertips, exploring like we had never seen each other before. Her gentleness is nearly burning me up. If it wouldn't be highly inappropriate I would thank her parents for creating the only being that causes me to combust with a simple breath._

_I leaned back and without voicing my desire she kissed down my neck, over my chest and closed her lips around my right peak. My breath hitched and I wrapped my fingers around her biceps._

_"Jane…," I whispered shakily. She never sucks hard on me, rather the contrary, but it is her barely-there touch that drives me crazy. I can always feel her and it is like getting small electric shocks when her lips, tongue and teeth ghost over my nipples._

_I moved my hips once or twice against her abs, before leaning up again and capturing her lips once more in a searing kiss. Snapping her bra open using my thumb and my index, the back of my tongue slowly slided over her throat, kissing and sucking at her jugular notch, goose bumps erupted on my skin as I felt her hard buds brushing mine._

_I lowered her back and bent my legs, straddling her hips. Not breaking the kiss she rolled us over and once again I wrapped my legs around her, holding her as close as possible. I felt her move on top of me, not opening my eyes I heard the sound of a bottle popping open and I jerked slightly as some cold liquid was spilled on my chest._

_After she had cleaned all of it, kissing and lightly sucking, she tipped my nose with her finger._

_"You want some?" She asked and before she could move to pour champagne into a glass I had turned her over again._

_"Only if it means to lick it from you," I breathed. "Turn around," I requested hoarsely. I watched the sparkling liquid making its way down her spine and gathering in the small of her back._

_Using the given opportunity being already down her body, I removed the remained fabric teasingly slowly from her. I kissed, licked and nibbled at her bottom cheeks, kissing up her spine, nuzzling my nose into her hair._

_"You drive me insane," she breathed into my ear._

_I took her right hand and moved her down my body, between my legs. Guiding her fingers through the sticky and hot wetness. "You feel that? That is insane. That is what you do to me, every time you are just breathing the same air."_

_Before my brain could close up I was on my back underneath her, already panting hard as she caressed each inch of my skin with her lips. Both of her hands coming to rest onto my sides, near my hips I looked down searching for her eyes._

_I watched her tongue brushing over my left nipple before our glances met. "I want you to touch me," I whispered. "I want to let go and come apart in your arms."_

_She kissed her way up to me and the moment her lips touched mine her fingers connected tenderly with my sex. I pulled her head down, her lips harder against me._

_I whimpered into her mouth, sensing the light caresses as well as her fingers on my clit as her tongue against mine._

_As she started to move her lips towards my chest again I took a hold of her face. "Stay with me, honey."_

_"I just want to make it as pleasurable as possible," she breathed into my mouth._

_"It is," I moaned. "I want you to be close, for you to hear how much I feel right now." I turned my head to press my lips against her ear and moaned low, but deep and long. "I want to feel you inside me."_

_Carefully, like it was my first time for real she stimulated my opening with her index finger and only dipped into me with the fingertip a few millimetres, until I couldn't take it any longer and moved my hips to meet her. Slowly, she worked herself gently with each stroke a little deeper inside me, until she touched my g-spot and the jerk of my hip pulled her fully into me and a deep grumble excited my throat._

_After working herself slowly out again, she repeated the same procedure with adding a second finger and welcoming her fully in me, I moved my hips in the same low pace she had set._

_"Good God, Jane. You feel so incredible," I moaned silently, captivated by the way her caresses pushed everything else aside. I gathered just enough of my brain cells to voice another desire._

_"I want to feel you too. I want to make you feel, too. I want to make you mine as well."_

_She met my fingers halfway and a roll of her hips welcomed me inside her. There is always this small gasp when I enter her and she says I do the same and it is one of those things I never want to miss again. I don't know why, but it boosts my ego every time, makes me feel loved, desired, wanted, needed._

_Building me up very slowly, avoiding any touches of certain spots, I found myself once more deeper in love with her and her ability to stay, however she does it, calm enough for me to not explode seconds later._

_I compare myself more often to a volcano being with Jane. I feel it seething deep inside of me, brewing like a thunderstorm before I erupt suddenly, without any further warning._

_My moans were getting stronger, a thick louder. "I am… I'm so close, baby," my breath is shivering._

_I know she pays attention and I know she knows exactly in which state of arousal I am and that there is no need to share this information, but we are both highly sensitive to each others voice and if we aren't already even we get there the moment one of us talks._

_I felt her start to shiver and her low moans next to me are increasing my pleasure so much more. I threw my head back and clung harder at her, let her guide me through my climax. Enjoying the feeling of her tightening around me, feeling her muscles spasm._

_"Maura…,"my heart skips a beat every time I realize that it is me bringing all of her walls down, trusting me and letting go of all of her guards._

_"I wish I had waited until I met you. You are the first and only woman but I really wish you were my very first," I breathed hard._

_"I could be," she whispered. "If you can live with the fact of being a virgin until the age of thirty we can pretend it was me."_

_I opened my eyes and saw her smiling at me, sweetly. Every man would be proud and smug about the fact to be your first, but that's not Jane. We both know that this is only a bubble, but it is so typical Jane, wanting to make my wishes come true._

_"I am so not thirty, yet," I giggled and she groaned. "Of course only you would pick up that I made you two month older than you are, out off all of this."_

_I kissed her gently, lacing our fingers together._

_"I love you," I whispered. "Thank you."_

"What has you gotten smile like that?" I sense a raw and low voice next to me.

My eyes are closed and I don't know if this is a dream or not I answer nonetheless. "You."

"Me? No. I was out like…, hell knows for how long." Her voice is getting thinner with each word and she clears her throat.

"It was definitely you because no one ever made me feel like that," I smile, my eyes still closed.

"That's my girl, only you can have your head in the gutter while I am out like a light," she chuckles hoarsely.

"That is not fair, missy. I had only two choices. Thinking about you or going insane," I turn my head and search blindly for something to connect my lips with.

"I'm not entirely sure what happened, of course I remember the shooting and as I am obviously in a hospital I am sure I have something to apologise for," I can hear the defeat in her voice.

"No," I whisper. "You scared the hell out of me but all that matters is that you are alive." For the very first time, since I woke up, I opened my eyes slowly and caught the side of chocolate colored in front of me.

"I love you Jane and I missed you terribly," a single tear made its way down my cheek and she kisses it away.

"I am sorry you have to put up with me that often."

"You know I can't lie. I am not mad at you. I was worried, a lot but I truly understand why you did what you did and before you are going to get upset, Frankie is doing just fine."

I turned a little towards her. "Just please hold me as close as you can without harming yourself."

Maybe the aftermath of all of this was still to come but for now it was the truth. I was happy, really, truly, unconditionally happy.

"How are you feeling?" I prepared myself for a sarcastic remark like 'like hit by a bullet' or something, but it never came.

"My throat is sore and I can't swallow properly without pain and it feels like there is something pressing onto my stomach and I am terribly tired," she explained.

"The pain in you throat is from the breathing tube and it may take some time until it vanishes completely. The fatigue is mostly from the sedative and the painkillers and for the pressure that is not the worse case in comparison of the pain you may feel if your medications wear off."

Looking up I remembered my parents.

"How long have you been awake and were my parents in here?" I asked confused not finding them.

"Not long before you woke up and there was no one in here."

"We have to inform the nurse about you being awake. I am sure they want to examine you properly," I said moving beside her.

"Just some more minutes, Maura." She looked up at me. "It feels like I haven't seen you in ages."

I lay fully down again, nuzzling my nose into her hair.

"I know you said you are not mad at me, but I would be," she stated. "I think we should maybe talk about it, soon."

I nod. "I think so, but not yet. I am glad you are awake and in a relatively good condition."

Turning my head we shared a long, soft kiss before I called the nurse.

After her examination I asked her for permission to let in her parents, her partners and my parents, as every one of them was probably as worried as I was all of the time. Giving them some space I tore myself away and made a quick trip towards home, gathering some clothes for Jane and me as well.

Returning, I found my parents still sitting with her. She smiled tiredly at me after we shared a gentle kiss.

"I am exhausted but I wanted to wait for you," she whispered.

"I am sorry. I went home to get some fresh clothes." I put down the bag beside her bed.

I saw the confusion on her face and knew exactly what she thought.

"You thought I would be leaving to sleep at home. Well… I have to disappoint you. It's not that easy to get rid of me," I laughed.

"But you can't sleep on this small space, that wouldn't be very comfortable. Go home, Maura."

"I didn't sleep for days and I can assure you that I slept pretty well last night, because I was near you and even if I can't I am still by your side."

My parents left to give us some well needed space and as I lay down beside Jane she reaches up touching my face.

"Did I at least hit my liver?" she asked entirely emotionless.

"You did, but the bullet entered you in a dangerous angle and it also hit your heart and your lung and important blood vessels."

"I thought if I had to shot myself I would at least try to reduce the damage."

"I know," I turned myself further to her. "Jane I know the risks of your job and I am the last one that is going to make you feel guilty. I can't make you promise me to avoid things happening but I don't want to lose you either. Can you at least promise me to do your best to come back home every night."

"I promise and I am sorry you had to worry about me," she whispered against my forehead.

"I was terrified, but I can do nothing to stop loving you and I love Detective Rizzoli as well as I love Jane, so all I can do is to trust you, to have enough willpower to make it home into my arms again. It will maybe hunt me sometimes but hearing your heartbeat and feeling the warmth of your skin is going to make it easier."

I kissed her softly. "I am never going to forgive you if you end up on one of my tables, keep that in mind," I whispered against her lips.

My nightmares and panic attacks not forgotten but paling completely in comparison to having her by my side again. We would both deal with any kind of aftermath together, later.

"I missed it… to fall asleep to your voice. Let's go to sleep, mon amour," I breathed seconds before I drift off to sleep myself.

_The first time Jane and I met at crime scene was two days after our encounter down in the morgue. She had asked me out for lunch two times already and I had accepted her offer. Or maybe it was just me wishing she had asked me out._

_Jane is very complex. She can be indeed very rude and she is, but not to me anymore. She is overly sarcastic and not being one to get it that fast it could probably cause some tensions between us but I intended to not being offended by her, because I was nearly desperate to connect with her._

_Connect! I smiled at the use of the word. I had wished to connect with her for nearly two weeks but in another sense of meaning. Although this desire wasn't really fading, my intentions had changed. If I got the chance to get her into my bed she was definitely more likely a keeper._

_I looked up from the body around the area, observing her working. Her authority was doing a good job to hold my arousal in a nearly painfully state. I had worked with a lot of Detectives and Officers back in San Francisco, but never met one like her._

_You didn't need to be a genius to see that she was 'the law' through and through. I watched her striding like a panther around the area. Nothing seemed to slip past her attention. She asked and ordered, she seemed simply to own this crime scene._

_She lowered down in front of me, only the dead body parting us. I could smell her clearly above all the other fragrances. Lavender. The smell of it already triggered her appearance in my mind._

_"So doc, what do you have for me," this voice would be my completely undoing one day. I could feel the hoarsely rasp echoing through my body, setting everything on fire and into overdrive._

_"Well…," I cleared my throat. "I can for sure tell that he is dead."_

_Before I could say anything about the time of death she had cut me off._

_"No shit, Sherlock." She looked over to her partner and then back to me, grinning._

_"Well it's a good thing you are here, we would have probably missed this detail."_

_And there it was. Tension. That is one reason I never got attached to anyone. Hurt. Deep down I knew she didn't want to hurt me but she did nonetheless._

_I straightened myself up, slightly lifting my chin. "He's probably dead for about twelve hours. If you want to know anything else I think you know where to find me, Detective Rizzoli."_

_Without waiting for anything else I stalked away, ordering the transport and made my way towards the head quarter. Changing into scrubs I prepared everything I would need for the autopsy, waiting for the body to being delivered._

_Slipping a pair of gloves over I started to open up the zipper of the body back, jerking away from my table, knocking over it with the tools, I started to scream._

"Shhh…," I heard her voice. "It's okay baby, you've had a bad dream."

I wanted to pull her flush against me as I remembered her being injured, staying in the hospital. I felt her lips against my temple.

"It's going to be okay. You want to talk about it?"

I shook my head slightly against her neck. I had thought about that this would be happening. Seeing her dead or bleeding everywhere would probably accompany me for a while.

It happened again and again that night, every time I felt asleep I dreamed of a random case we had and it always was Jane ending up in the body bag. The fifth time I woke up I gave in and sobbed into Jane's neck, no strength left to fight it anymore.

"It's okay to be angry at me. Just let it out," Jane whispered and that was it what made me angry.

"I am not," my voice was low but it was laden with every emotion I felt. "I told you that already. I was horrified. You died under my fingers and you only got worse instead of better. I felt helpless and useless and I was worried to no end and somehow I have to deal with that. I surely don't like the nightmares but what isn't helping at all, you talking me into lashing out onto you."

I grabbed her hands. "I know it would maybe be easier if I could be angry at you, but I can't. There is not one bad feeling towards you. Please Jane, I need you to catch me when I struggle but I also need you to stop manipulating my emotions. Just hold me and remind me that you are still alive, that's all I need right now."

My head reconnected with her shoulder.

"You need your rest, after all you are not healed yet. It will take some time until you can leave your bed and the hospital so there is plenty of time to work on this. I promise we will talk about every thing if you like, but right now I only want to feel you."

She kissed my temple again and laced our fingers together. "I love you," she whispered against my skin.

The next few days we worked truly through everything. I brought her down from her guilt-trip and cried so many tears into her neck. Feeling her heart stopping to beat, witnessing her resuscitated, waiting for so many hours outside surgery, praying next to Jane for her to make it through all the complications. It all took its toll on me, but talking with her helped and as we felt slowly back into a, for us, normal behaviour towards each other the nightmares became fewer and less horrible.

Jane was far from discharging. Being in a coma, even for a short amount of time, takes a huge toll onto your body in conjunction with her injuries she had a lot of work on her plate. And there was one thing bothering me more than anything. She struggled hard against letting me see her body. Of course she used any possible excuse and was obviously convinced I bought her play of hiding her body from me.

For me she was beautiful, regardless of how many scars she would have and nothing would ever change my mind about it. In spite of how much it bothered me, it also helped to take my mind off of the shooting and everything that came with it.

"You know you can't hide it from me forever," I stated matter-of-factly suddenly.

"What are you talking about?" She asked avoiding looking at me.

"You know very well what I am talking about. You think I am not noticing that you are hiding from me. You think some scars are going to stop me from loving you?"

"They remind of what I did to you," she whispered so low that I nearly missed it.

I scooted closer to her. "I thought we already established that you did nothing other than protect Frankie and me." I kissed her temple. "Once you are healed I am counting on feeling your skin against mine, like before. How I am supposed to do that if you are refusing to let me look at you," I breathed low.

"Look who's head in the gutter again," she grinned.

"You assumed I thought about it. I didn't. Not particularly. I mean it like I said. I want back my mornings waking up in your arms and the nights falling asleep in them too," I smiled back at her, stroking some strand out of her face. Lacing fingers together I squeezed her right hand.

"I think you should let me decide if I like what I see or not," I whispered against her lips before I pressed a kiss upon it.

"They are ugly."

"They are healing. I am going to love them as much as the rest of you. Just think about the scars on your hands," I lent closer to her, my voice getting even lower. "Think about how you make me feel with them. I love you, Jane and nothing is going to change that."

There was a brief knock at door, before it was widely opened and as I moved to give her the space without getting to see her scars she looked at me, giving permission for me to stay.

Both scars on her front and also the one on her back were all accurate worked, perfect. There wasn't anything 'ugly' about them, they were healing and they would fade and there would be nothing left but a pale, thin line on her skin.

Jane is confident with her body and she knew very well that she is beautiful. This is all about brands and what they remind of. It took me some time to make her see that I didn't think of Hoyt when she touches me, that I feel her scars but don't think about them.

"He did a really good job, they will be fading into thin lines," I said returning beside her as her doctor left.

Jane grinned at me. "What?" I asked.

"You know Dr. Slucky is pretty hard into you," she giggled. "He can't take his eyes off of you."

"Well… it's really a shame that you are injured or I would give him something he can't take his eyes off."

I saw both of her eyebrows lifting. "Naughty Maura…he probably would die from a heart attack. Regardless how often he witnessed you lying in my bed he seems not to get it."

"I think there would be nothing left to doubt," I breathed.

"That's naughty too. You just can't turn me on when I can do nothing about it. That's not fair," she mocked but it wasn't halfway serious.

"That's too bad. I was looking forward to put some lotion on you after the nurse finished your night-routine. Your skin is suffering from the lack of daylight and fresh air."

"You mean like on the occasion you made us being really, really late and had nearly walking your parents in on us," she asked and smiled sardonically.

_We were walking along the Seine, turning left onto Pont Alexandre III as a young man approached Jane. He asked her if we would like to partake at Dîner en Blanc. I had never attended to one of it but I liked the idea of sharing this experience with Jane and explained it to her._

_Jane immediately liked the idea and was overly exited for the evening. She even convinced my parents to accompany us. My mother was truly delighted and my father was always the one who only needed a little stimulus to do whatever my mother wanted to do._

_So I got the chance to do a shopping trip with Jane. We ended up on_ **_Rue du Faubourg Saint-Honoré,_ ** _the most expensive shopping-mile in Paris. I decided for a white organza shift dress ending up mid-thigh with spaghetti straps and a golden band accentuating and lifting my breasts and Heeled Gladiators from Manolo Blahnik matching the color of the golden band._

_Jane had purchased a white three quarters jeans hugging her like a second skin, a white tank and a plain white blouse. Although she didn't complain, neither about shopping nor the prize of anything we bought she refused to have a look at shoes for her, stating she would wear her white chucks._

_My parents had insisted to prepare and purchase anything we needed for the night. A table and four white chairs, table clothes, dishes and silverware and of course food and beverages, in the meantime._

_While we had nearly behaved during the shower my composure was lost as I watched her, being totally clueless of the effect it was having on me, rubbing sunscreen onto her skin. As she bent over to work on her lower legs I grabbed the bottle from the sink and the squeezing sound made her look up to me._

_"You don't need to… my back…," she stuttered as our eyes met, motioning to her reverse side. "Oh God, I am so in trouble," I heard her mumbling under her breath, trying to finish her task as my lips connected with the valley between her shoulder blades. Pressing my pelvis against her bottom, leaning down, lowering my front onto her back, my hands found their way around her, caressing her well formed abs._

_I moaned against her skin feeling her muscles spasm under my fingertips._

_"If you don't stop right now we are going to be late and that would be very, very unlikely for you," she whispered laboriously._

_"The world doesn't stop spinning because it has to wait for me for once," I stated._

_"Should I be worried by now?" she asked giggling breathless._

_"You may, but not because I give a damn about being late." Helping her to stand, spinning her around and backing her up against the wall in one quick move, surprising myself. Kissing quickly down soft skin I fell onto my knees in front of Jane, wasting not a second before I could taste her on my tongue._

_"Jesus Maura," she hissed and I heard her head connecting with the wall._

"That wouldn't work this time," I whispered.

"Oh it worked already and I told you it isn't very fair at all. I am tied to the bed and… "

She looked over to me. "Maybe I should remain silent now. I am only going to plant more naughtiness into your head."

"Okay. I am sorry. I promise to behave until you are properly healed."

"Maybe you should tell that your face, Maura," she laughed.

"Okay, seriously I'm just happy to be near you and you probably should take your nap, your body still isn't working properly and you need to rest."

"Would you like to take a nap with me?" She asked, patting her shoulder for me to lay my head down. "Don't change. I really love it how I can be with you, even if your mouth sometimes needs a filter in public."

_"Maura, you're staring at Chuck's biceps."_

_"I am. Females are wired to be attracted to the strongest, most dominant males. It's natural selection at work."_

_"You're making me uncomfortable and what I am, your placeholder?"_

_"Stop that Jane. I'm just appreciating his sternocleidomastoid. I said nothing about wanting to have sex with him."_

_Chuck smiled at us. "Excuse me. You have beautifully developed musculature."_

_Jane groaned beside me. "What, am I embarrassing you?" I asked her._

_"No, not at all. Why don't you tell him he's got a nice ass, too?"_

_"And a wonderfully proportioned gluteus maximus," I added while he moved away from us._

_"Maura…"_

_"What? It is nothing wrong with telling someone that they have a well formed body."_

_"You can't just be so blunt. He is going to think we are in need of some company or something, you know how fast the BPD-press is working."_

_"Sorry," I whispered._

_It was one of those days where Jane had simple a bad mood and she was snapping at everyone. On our way home we met with her partners at the hospital, having some more questions to a witness. The man had gotten hurt as the murder tried to overrun him with his car. He wasn't what I would call a pleasant contemporary and he had driven Jane really mad._

_"Is she always like that?" He asked me as I turned to follow Jane, leaving the room. "Fucking frustrated dyke," he mumbled under his breath._

_"No she isn't, she is surprisingly tender and sensitive when she isn't by the bed but in the bed," I turned and smiled coldly at him._

_"Maura…," Jane gave me one of her 'really' looks._

_"He insulted you."_

_"I know that, but I am never going to hear the end of it thanks to those knuckleheads over there."_

_Frost and Korsak chuckled. "Don't you dare think of saying something right now," she hissed at them. "And you too," she turned around and growled under her breath._

_I walked into the café and spotted Jane and her partners at a table on the far end._

_"What crawled up your ass, Rizzoli?" Detective Crowe asked, sitting down at the next table._

_"Shut up Crowe."_

_"Didn't you get laid for a while or is the good doc as rigid in bed as she is in the morgue?"_

_"Crowe shut your damn m…"_

_"I am not rigid. I am just professional, something you are obviously lacking at and I can assure you that we have a very healthy sex life."_

_"Maura…"_

_"Honey, there is no way in hell I am taking this off, all right? I'm already running 26 miles with a camel toe."_

_"Ohh!" Frankie made a face._

_"Well, can you at least just take off that baggy tee? Oh, come on! I'll let you walk up Heartbreak Hill!"_

_"Oh, I'm walking Heartbreak, okay? You're gonna have to do better than that."_

_"Okay. Fine. W… Name it."_

_"The next reddish-brown stain - you call "blood" before the labs come in."_

_"You want me to lie?"_

_"No. I want you to state the obvious."_

_"Hypothetically, based on the crime scene, I will determine whether it is possible to hypothesize that a stain is blood."_

_"I'll take that as a yes. You're on. Bet. And double or nothing, I run like this. Okay."_

_She had discarded all of her clothes and was now wearing the matching outfit._

_"See. There is nothing to hide. I should know, I am the one sleeping with you."_

_As Frankie groaned I knew I had spoken too loud. "I didn't need to know that."_

_"You should have contemplated that a couple is having sexual intercourse," I looked at Frankie and his face turned paler than before._

_"Maura…, you really need a filter."_

_Frankie motioned towards the door. "I just… just go, now. Have fun."_

**I totally love the sentence Maura used about Slucky and the bed, but I didn't like him, so I just had to use it in another way.**

**Thanks for reading!**  

**Have a nice day 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	30. Sometimes it sucks to be stubborn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

 

**_Frankie motioned towards the door. "I just… just go, now. Have fun."_ **

_Jane's POV_

_I watch Maura sleeping. She is dreaming, I can see her face twitching but it doesn't seem to be a nightmare, this time._

_God, I can't even explain how much I love her and losing her would be destroying me. That knowledge makes it even harder to accept that she is not leaving me, yet. Is the big bang still going to come?_

_Back at the head quarter everything seems so clear, but now I'm asking myself if I could have done something different. Isn't it always the same, after you did something you're regretting for not acting different?_

_No, not every time. I am not regretting any second related to Maura. If I had to do it again I would do exactly the same. Okay, I would have kissed her six month sooner, if I had known that openly loving her would tighten our friendship instead of jeopardizing it._

_I would like to turn on my side and wrap myself around her, but this is not going to happen for a while and I feel a sting in my stomach. My lips ghosting over her forehead and I try to breath in her scent as deep as possible._

_She bites her lower lip and smiles, her hand moving to the place my heart is beating. *"Tu es ma moitié," she whispers and it makes me smile._

_*"Sei la mia metá," I answer low._

_I know these words will be someday embellishing our wedding bands, running like a golden thread trough our relationship. There is nothing that would fit better, we just complete each other. Simple as it sounds._

_"Are you in pain?" she asked me sleepily._

_"No, just frustrated."_

_"I know. Don't beat yourself up, we have the rest of our life where we can hold each other properly." She moved her head, eyes still close and kisses me softly. Her hand caresses over my chest._

_"Thank you Jane."_

_I pull her closer and kiss her with everything I have._

_"Thank you Maura," I answer and it means the same as hers. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for saving me from loneliness. Thank you for being you and letting me be._

_The doctor, not mine 'weird-royalte-drooling-all-over-Maura' doctor, told me if I work really hard I could be home in two weeks and maybe start working again in a month, if only desk-duty at first and the thought of sleeping beside Maura in our bed alone seems to be a good reason to work my ass off._

_So I start my recovery with too much enthusiasm and I pay for it as we lay back in bed again. I feel like a truck hit me hard. I try to be brave but it is a lost game to play with someone like Maura. I don't want to be knocked out from pain medications, but there is no way to stand it and I have to confess that sometimes less is more. If I am not going to feel much better in the morning there will be no physiotherapy for me the next day, which means no progress at all._

_Sometimes it sucks to be stubborn._

_The recovery is slow, much too slow for my liking. After two days of physiotherapy I send Maura back to work, there is no need for her to sit alone in my room for hours, waiting. Work is a safe home for her, something she can center herself with. She didn't really debate with me but although she refuses to sleep at home._

_I didn't know how much just some days lying in bed could weaken your body. Adding the amount of effort my body had to stand, staying alive and starting to heal, it was really frustrating for someone like me._

_I felt like a child, learning again how to use my legs and like an old granny at once, being breathless after the smallest hassle. Maura assures me that it is totally normal with the kind of injuries, but being born with less-than-non-patience isn't going to make it better._

_I am forcing myself through all the pain it causes and every amount of effort, hating hospitals like hell I want to return back home as fast as I can. Sharing the bed with the Chief Medical Examiner of the State is sometimes obviously helpful, as I've been discharged although I am not exactly back-to-top after the two weeks._

_My wounds are healing perfectly but I am still much too fast exhausted and in pain. Nonetheless I am going home today, released into the care of my very private doctor. Maura has scheduled my appointments for physiotherapy in Mass. Gen because it's closer to home then Beth Israel. That and the promise to go easy on myself made her agreeing to take me home. The only challenge is to hold my promises, we both know me much too well._

_Coming home is one of the best feelings I ever had. I am close to tears as she opens the door and Jo Friday is running up to me. She lifts her for me and I make my way over to the couch, cuddling her. Maura scurries around the house for about ten minutes then she walks up to us, blanket in hand._

_We snuggle on the couch with Jo in her lap and scan through some menus from delivering. Setting just for pizza and a salad, for Maura's sake, falling asleep in the living room._

_& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&& R&I &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

After the private jet had touched the ground on Florida Keys Marathon Airport we headed in a car towards a landing stage near Sombrero Beach.

A small speed-boat was waiting for us.

"Did I ever mention that I hate boats?"

"There is no other way to cross over," Maura smiled at me excusing. "Don't worry I will be by your side, baby," she whispered into my ear and took my hand.

So I got in, not really trusting some fancy wood with my life, and we crossed over to a tiny island near West Sister Rock. The ride wasn't as terrifying as I had expected.

As we both were standing on the path to the house Maura turned and smiled. "A whole week and not a single soul, except for us."

I laughed and shook my head. "This looks like your mother, a whole island."

Picking up our luggage I made my way to the house. Three steps until I stood on the large porch and felt two arms sneak around my waist, a hot breath in my ear.

"For once I am really grateful that no one else lives here. Sometimes I am not willing to share. Especially when it comes to you."

I turned and pulled Maura towards me and kissed her slowly. "Me too. Go on and unpack your stuff before I never hear the end of your wrinkled clothes."

After unpacking Maura went for a shower and I started to fix dinner and after that Maura gave a guide through the house.

We watched the sunset sitting at the beach, Maura's back snuggled firmly into my chest. She had really earned this week, after me shooting myself and everything that had followed.

Being back home wasn't that easy. My recovery stressed and annoyed me to no end and I was getting onto Maura's nerves. Not that she said anything, ever. But although I tried not to be I was whiney and bitchy, unbearable. I wasn't happy with myself and Maura was the one who had to take it.

I wrap my right arm around her front, touching her left cheek, turning her head towards me.

"I love you," I whisper against her lips and while we kiss her left hand comes up to cover mine. Feeling the cold metal on my skin and a small smile sneaks on my lips.

_It was the 106 game of the regular season. Red Sox vs. Cleveland Indians and we won 6-5. The one and only win, out of three games in a row. In five days Maura's birthday was coming up and I had still so much work to do._

_"What's up Frankie, let's go home," I asked him but he didn't move an inch. I heard the announcing of a special guest and sensed our chance to leave the stadium before the great rush, but Frankie simply ignored me._

_"Bring us the lady…" it roared over the speakers and I thought I may just pass out as I sneaked a peek at the screen._

_"Hey, home-plate is right, isn't it?" She asked into a microphone._

_"Oh my God, Maura," I whispered to nobody else but me._

_"Well…I got everything. I am standing over home-plate, we have popcorn, frozen lemonade and peanuts…There is only one thing missing down here."_

_Before I could react Frankie had grabbed me and I found myself in the arms of David Ortiz and Dustin Pedroia, setting me down on the ground._

_Maura, standing fully clothed into a Red Sox attire, was smiling at me before I saw her taking a deep breath._

_"I couldn't clothe it in a million words how much you mean to me but what I can say is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you and so here I am, making a fool of myself under the eyes of thousands, asking you if you are going to do me the honor and marry me."_

_I smiled at her, taking her face into my hands. "Yes. Yes, but it would be my honor." I pulled the one thing out of my pocket that never left my side for days. "I was going to ask you at your birthday."_

_I took her left hand in mine and the ring between my thumb and forefinger._

_"I will never know how someone like you is able to love someone like me and there are no words that will do justice how much I love you. I am afraid that I will go crazy and ruin all of this sometime and I hope you have the patience you need to have. I love you and I want to spent my life sleeping next to you, waking up beside you, to hold and to kiss you, to cuddle and to love you, to give my very best to make you happy for as long as I live. Will you marry me, Maura?"_

_"Yes," Maura whispered, fighting against the tears that welled up pretty quickly. "Yes, yes and yes. Sooner rather than later."_

_I slipped the ring onto her finger. "It's my grandmothers. She gave it to my Ma because there aren't any boys else at this side of the family. It isn't very fancy but it means a lot to me that Ma offered it and *tu sei la mia eternità."_

_"I…It's beautiful. Oh…I was so excited I forgot this…," she pulled out a jewellery box and opened it. "I know you don't wear any rings and you don't have to, we can buy you a necklace and you can…"_

_"I want to wear it, Maura."_

_"Oh…okay," she beamed at me. "It is a special designed ring from carbon and titanium. It is almost incorruptible."_

The ring was somehow simple but also very unique. It is a broad band, the edging looks like wrinkled aluminium foil, the part in between is split in rings, having different patterns, colors and forms. She couldn't have chosen better.

*cœur et l'âme – Maura – 06.01.06

I know it by heart since the first time I read the engraving. I lay my hand above hers, the metal clings as they touch.

Maura's breath hitches every time it happens and it's totally crazy. Who would have thought that the always 'top-heavy' Dr. Isles would be so badly love-sick? If someone had told me that until the day I experienced Maura the first time, I would have laughed hard.

She turns a little and presses me back into the sand. Lying on top of me we lock our glances and all I can see is deep, genuine love and it hits me like a ton of bricks every time.

I caress her face and all the things happening the last month coming back to me.

_One of the days I feared the most had come. The annual Boston Police Department salute to heroes and I was going to be one of those heroes. I had begged my boss to prevent my nomination. I AM NOT A HERO. I did a stupid thing back that day, not stupid in the line of duty but stupid in sight of my family and I didn't want a medal for that._

_I hid myself in the basement all day. Maura never came down there, she did but only to do the laundry, she never came into the den, Frankie had helped me to fit out. I don't know why I thought it would save me from having to go and attend this stupid event._

_After all she knocked before the door opened. "You are making everyone late."_

_I just looked at her over my shoulder. "I am not going and two hours left is hardly being late."_

_"Three months. You could have read all of Shakespeare._ _You know? Learned Finnish? Instead of sitting down here when I am at work and become a collector of pizza cartons and a platinum member of the shopping channel, by the look of it in here."_

_"What, Finnish? Like, Finland Finnish?" I looked over my shoulder and saw here collecting boxes from the sideboard. "Oh, I swear to God, if you start cleaning, I will kick you out."_

_"You know, the stress hormone cortisol suppresses your immune cells' ability to activate telomerase."_

_"So you say. Mine are fine!"_

_"Quite simply, keeping your brain busy aids recovery. Mind, body."_

_"Mind, business."_

_"You are my business. What is that?"_

_"It's a get-well present from Korsak and Frost."_

_"That's restful? Did they sneak that in here while I was at work?_ _Here is your uniform!"_

_"Makes me look like a man, I am not going, Maura!"_

_"We can do this the easy way or the hard way!"_

_"I'm not a hero, Maura. Shooting yourself is not heroic."_

_"The people of Boston think it is."_

_"Eight people died._ _I don't want a medal for that."_

_"Five of them were bad guys, Jane."_

_"Whatever!"_

_"This ceremony isn't for you. This is… this is for your fellow officers and your parents and your community. You're a symbol. You are a heroic flesh-and-blood reminder of the thin blue line."_

_"That's good… you almost had me."_

_"Okay. The hard way!"_

_In one swift move she straddled my lap, intertwined our fingers and pressed me against the back of the couch._

_"You know…the hard way has to be hard…for me."_

_"Shhh…shhh…shhh," her lips directly next to my ear. "You have to know that I am looking forward to see you in your uniform." She whispered hot and seductive taking my left hand and slowly dragged it over the thin fabric of her panties._

_"My imagination is driving me crazy," she rasped and stood, taking some steps back. "For every piece you dress, one of mine goes," she breathed and she knew she had me the moment she started to whisper but she turned up the heat another notch._

_Her fingers slid down slowly from between her breasts to the hem of her dress, pulling it up a bit. "If you don't want, I can take care of that myself." Her hand dipped down under the waistband for a moment and then she turned around, walked slowly up to the door._

_There is nothing I can say in my defence. I never was dressed that quickly and I got one hell of a show from her, stripping down. Like she had predicted, we were being late._

_And then everything turned upside down. Ucky Slucky being there, invited by my mother, as a 'thanks for saving my daughters life' was only the tip of the iceberg._

_Dr. Dickhead obviously didn't read newspapers otherwise he would have known that 'Chief Medical Examiner catches Herocop over home-plate' like nearly every paper had announced the day after and would finally stop hitting on Maura and I ran into an old neighbourhood-friend I hadn't seen in ages._

_Even as I am not blind or dumb I never thought it was that bad between my parents. I don't believe in bad luck, but my parents deciding to get divorced barely one month after we decided to get married was something else. And if that all wasn't enough already, everything around us was acting crazy and then the worst thing happened._

_After realization set in that my parents were getting divorced, I did wanna be there, celebrating myself and my new hero-buddies as much as I liked to have menstruation-cramps and Maura seemed to feel the same way, taking my hand and dragging me out to the limousine, the citizens of Boston had paid for, unnecessary._

_She opened the door for me and I stopped for a moment, the car door between our bodies we locked our gaze._

_"Promise me one thing, Maura. Please let me know before it is too late to fight for us…," she didn't answer right away. She leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed me softly._

_"I promise," she whispered against my lips and I felt it more than I actually heard it. I got into the car and offered her a hand to help her sitting beside me. As she closed the door the bomb went off._

_Before I knew it I was sitting on the sidewalk, Maura wrapped around me from behind. Voices screaming all over the street and then I was separated from Maura. Frankie was pulling me up. I begged Cavenaugh to allowe me to stay, to help. After all I am a Cop and the love of my life was going to do her duty in that alley; the possibility for another bomb going off and taking her away from me._

_But all the events happening on that night had left me in an odd lack of willpower and I was dragged away without being able to get a simple last look at Maura. Ending up with Frankie on the couch of ours. I think this one was the worst day of my life, far worse than the day I met Charles Hoyt. My father had already moved out and my mother was practically homeless because the bank was taking the house I grew up in._

_Getting rid of my brother I quickly showered and dressed myself, making my way over to the station, of all the things running into Maura in front of it, exiting Slucky's car._

_"What are you doing here?" she asked me._

_"I'm trying to figure out who killed Abby Sherman."_

_"We haven't cleared you yet," Dr. dense piped up from his seat._

_"Are you sure you're ready for this, Jane?"_

_"I'm sure that I'm done sitting on my ass. Here," I handed Dr. Dickhead a pen and a piece of paper. "Clear me for active duty."_

_"Call Darlene in my office, make an appointment," I shut his car door with a slam and pulled Maura up the stairs._

_"Did you need to let him drive you? Get me in there."_

_"Jane, go home. Get better."_

_"Maura, you heard me. This is who I am. This is what I do. Now, get me in there."_

_"Okay, fine. But I'm only doing this because I'm afraid that you're gonna hurt yourself or this nice officer. It's okay, Sam. Detective Rizzoli is with me."_

_"Yes, ma'am."_

_"Really?" I asked him as the officer handed me a visitor-pass._

_"Downstairs only! I will poke you in your scar tissue if you even touch the "up" arrow."_

_Coming back, changed into scrubs, Maura looked at me. "That's a sign of sexual frustration," she pointed to me tangling my hair._

_"Or tangled hair and you know that you just shoot yourself in the foot," I answered and she frowned for a moment then gave me a sympathetic smile and I knew there was a psychological monologue coming up so I decided to change the subject._

_"It looks different in here."_

_"That is correct, Rip Van Winkle and wait till you see my office. The decorator just finished."_

_"Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I might need a paper bag."_

_"You know, it's possible it's taking you longer to heal because of your attitude," busted and I knew it, immediately. I had manoeuvred myself back to the 'analysing my inner demon' part._

_"A 40-caliber bullet went through me, Maura. My attitude isn't faking that," trying to get myself out of it again._

_"You're not faking anything. You had a life-threatening injury. But you're strong, healthy. Something's gotten in the way of your healing," she pulled up my shirt a bit and touched my scar._

_"Ow! Will you please stop doing that?"_

_"I just wish I knew what was causing that pain."_

_"Again, I'm going with the 40-caliber bullet, but…,"in that moment they were wheeling Abby into the morgue_

_"Are you sure you want to be here? She was very badly burned."_

_"Mm-hmm. Are those her dog tags? She survives two tours in Afghanistan and gets blown up at home. I can't stop seeing her face."_

_"Thank you," Maura spoke to the guys after they had put Abby on the table._

_I stepped from foot to foot. Getting more nervous any second passing, watching Maura pulling over some gloves and as she pulled down the zipper I lost it._

_"Mm. I can't. I can't, I can't," I ran out, over to her office._

_"What the hell is wrong with me? I've been through worse than this and Abby deserves better."_

_Maura came up behind me and rubbed my back. "Jane, take a deep breath."_

_"No, I can't. It hurts. What if I'm never who I was?"_

_"That's the human condition."_

_"Thanks. Really upbeat. Oh. Ow! This hurts, too. How uncomfortable is this?_

_"How can you say that? That's a Karim Rashid label."_

_"Oh, well, in that case, it's like the warm caress of a mother's hand."_

_"Your parasympathetic nerve is in overdrive. It's a protective mechanism."_

_"What, because I don't like your office? Did taxpayers pay for this?"_

_"Of course not. You know, you might still be in physical pain because of a posttraumatic psychopathological reaction to what's happened to you."_

_"Well, make it stop. What do you do when fear is killing you?" Somehow she gets me to talk every time._

_I couldn't exactly pinpoint it. It was the fear to never get back, the fear from having to get back, the fear from never wanting to go back, the fear from never going to be the one I was before, the fear that the next time I might be running out of luck._

_"Well, it's very hard to die from fear unless you have a congenital heart condition. What can I do?"_

_"Get me upstairs," I stated, facing my demons would get me closer to decide who I was anymore._

_She kneeled down in front of me._

_"What ever you need Jane, don't be afraid to ask. We are in this together."_

_She kissed my temple, then stood and opened the door, leading to the elevators. As I was right beside her she leaned in and kissed my lower lip._

_"I love you," and then she shoved me gently into the hallway._

_Upstairs, everything was looking different and my desk was stuffed with presents and articles from the newspapers. The whole disaster, called my emotions were running wild, until the guys, my guys showed up in the bullpen. Korsak had gotten promoted to Sergeant while I was off and now we were a team again, a team of three._

_The moment the briefing started I felt at home, like being never gone. So I got a chance to catch up with Casey. Him being an army-special-ops-over-sea we had lost contact to each other after high-school. Frankie, Casey and me being play mates from the second day after he moved into our street when we were four, growing up together being friend during school I only got some news from his mother if I happened to see her occasionally when I was on Sunday-family-dinner._

_Which would never happen again like the way I was used to. This dawned on me again as Casey and I shared a beer sitting at the kitchen counter. Maura was working late and had sent me home, taking some time to talk with Casey._

_Well Maura wasn't only working late she was also being late to tell me that she had let my mother stay at the guesthouse. That kind of late, that my mother walked into our bedroom, thinking we were already off to work._

_After waking up Maura had outright pulled me on top of her. I was resting on my lower arms, one of each side of her head, her nose caressing mine._

_"Increased blood flow. Rush of endorphins. You feel less pain today, don't you?" her hand sneaking down toward my scar._

_I pulled up my eyebrows. "Your 'all-explaining-sex-theory' isn't working Maura, because we made love before last night."_

_"Maybe I should be jealous, obviously you love your wife more than me…," she smiled, proud at her own joke, referencing to my addiction towards my job._

_She rolled us over and kissed me softly. Ever since the shooting she hesitated lying fully on top of me. Her underarms resting on my shoulders, lying between my legs, her upper body just slightly ghosting over my skin, she moved her hips against me._

_"A kiss can be ten times more effective than morphine in reducing pain, as it is thought that it activates the body's natural pain-killers," she whispers against my lips. "So I am going to kiss you until you are properly dosed for the day …"_

_The bedroom door flew open without any warning._

_"…picking up that man's socks, cooking without spices, because it gave him indigestion."_

_We were both totally thunderstruck. Both staring at my mother unable to say or do anything, paralyzed. And she was staring back, a stack of folded clothes in hand. Gladly we were covered with a sheet, at least the lower part of us._

_Maura going for a shower, I dressed myself and I was down the stairs in lesser than three minutes. My mother standing in the kitchen, making scrambled eggs. I bolted up behind her just pointing with my finger towards her and then to the stairs, gasping for air. Not being able to get anything out I wished my look would just kill her._

_She turned around fully._

_"Hey," she motioned towards me. "So, too sick to leave the couch for more than going to the bathroom and too sick to clean up a bit after you," she motioned towards the sink where Maura had left her plate and glass last night, too tired after being awake for nearly 40 hours. "When Maura is working late, but not to sick to have intercourse."_

_I think I looked at her like I just witnessed growing a second head on her shoulders._

_"Intercourse? Intercourse? Ma… come on we didn't sleep togeth… okay yes we slept… Why I am having this conversation. You," I pointed at her. "Have not the right to walk into our bedroom, whatever we are doing in there or not. It's none of your business and if it happens again I am going to change every lock in this damn house. We gave you a key for emergencies only."_

_I sat down at the counter, being set for two. She poured coffee into my mug and as pissed as I was seconds ago I couldn't stay mad at her._

_"I heard you were selling the house?" I didn't dare to look at her. Lifting the plate that covered my breakfast I added a low 'thank you'._

_"Yeah, thanks to your father."_

_"Ma, I'm so sorry. What happened?"_

_"He left me. He left me with nothing. I gave him my best years."_

_"Okay, come on. You have plenty of good years left. All right? And you got me and Maura, you got Frankie, you got Tommy."_

_"Tommy who's in prison?"_

_"He's getting out soon, Ma. He's… he's been writing me letters. He's doing really good. Why didn't daddy come to the ceremony?"_

_"I asked him not to, because I didn't want you to have to arrest me if he did."_

_"Why? What did he do?"_

_"Jane, he… he wants a change. I want a change, too. But you don't see me walking out on him."_

_"You can stay here as long as you like."_

_"That's very nice of you. Thank you. But, uh, Maura already offered me the guest house."_

_Obviously she sensed that this was not a co-decision and made her self rare, rather fast._

_"Are you a masochist? Why… why are you doing this?"_

_"Because she's your family and so she is mine also."_

_"You have no idea what you have gotten us into. What happened this morning will not be the last time. We are going to be sitting ducks all the time. She may be my mother but…but…I feel guilty."_

_"Catholic guilt. Did you know that a university of Parma study found that devout Catholics are more likely to show signs of OCD? Yeah, Mart Luther's strict definition of the sacraments Is too constraining."_

_"I hated confession."_

_"Did you have a lot to confess to?" she smiled wickedly._

_"I made stuff up._ _Because if you confess to sins that you're not sorry for, Then that's a sin."_

_"Isn't making up sins a sin?"_

_R &I R&I R&I R&I R&I R&I R&I_

_Casey and I where down in the lab processing another time over the parts of the bomb as Maura walked in._

_"I found that in the scar tissue of Abby's shoulder," she handed me an evidence bag with a bullet._

_"38-caliber bullet from an American revolver."_

_"Aw, no. Friendly fire," Casey murmured._

_"Don't you think it has to be?"_

_"Can you get inside of her medical records?" Maura asked him._

_"Maura, what can you tell us about her gunshot wound?"_

_"That would just be my opinion."_

_"Pretend I'm a priest and I can't tell anyone."_

_"I'm not catholic," I looked up to her through my lashes and she stifled an eye roll. "It is my opinion that she was facing her shooter when she was shot from no more than 6 feet away. It's based on the… the scarring around the entrance wound."_

_"So she would have seen her shooter."_

_"Can't be. Can't. Why would she lie? She says right here, "I was shot by a Taliban insurgent._ _  
_" Nothing's been redacted," Casey was clearly overwhelmed by the fact that it really looked like a cover-up by the army.__

_"Okay, I'm not saying there's some big cover-up by the department of evil. All right? I'm a cop. I'm practically a soldier myself." I tried to calm him but at the moment the evidence was leaving that kind of taste, only._

_"Look at this. It says that Abby refused to let them remove the bullet," Maura pointed to the screen._

_"Yeah, maybe because she didn't want them finding an American soldier's bullet in her body."_

_"Oh, this is all speculation," Casey stated, deprecating._

_"Casey, she lied. Why?"_

_"Jane, maybe… maybe she was afraid."_

_"Of what? Soldiers know, hell… everybody knows, it's war. Friendly fire happens. It's tragic. But when it does, we admit it."_

_"Tell that to Pat Tillman's family," I whispered._

_"I said I'd help you, and I will. Not like this." Now I had pissed him off, but it got me angry every time that the most soldiers always pretend like the army was infallible. Wherever humans are involved; mistakes and bad things happen, even in the army._

_"Casey..."_

_"That was awkward," Maura mumbled._

_"You think?"_

_"He will come around, Jane. You both knew each other since your childhood, give him some time to wrap his head around all of this."_

_We decided, correcting that… I decided to meet with Gary and Maura made me taking her with me, then again everything came thick and fast. First Gary's car explodes the moment Maura and I arrived and then Ltd. Forman's house blows up while we watched the live stream from the S.W.A.T, leaving us to believe he was Abby's killer and had blown up himself._

_Casey indeed had come around after what happened with Forman._

_Again Maura was to tip the scales, discovering that Ltd. Forman was actually dead before the bomb went off and that he and Abby exchanged their dog tags, being lovers and I ended up again in a situation about life or death. Unarmed I found myself facing a soldier with an unpinned hand grenade._

_Sitting at my desk I was looking at a self-made card from a child, sending it to the station while I was in hospital. The bullpen was totally deserted already. "you're my hero," I breathed smilingly to myself._

_"Mine, too," Maura whispered beside me. I didn't hear her come in._

_"You know, heroes are actually social deviants. The famous Zimbardo experiment at Stanford proved that."_

_"I was so scared, Maura, and I did it anyway."_

_"That's the definition of a hero."_

_"Who's a social deviant."_

_"Hmm. It's not a bad thing."_

_I stood, being ready to go home. She motioned to my scar. "Um, can I… just take a deep breath." She pressed her hand onto it. "Any pain?"_

_"Mnh-mnh." I shook my head_

_"No." She smiled brightly._

_" I'm back."_

_"You're back."_

_"I'm back!" It dawned on me much later that she actually high-fived me in that moment._

_"You know, I was pretty sure that it was psychosomatic."_

_"It was so not psychosomatic."_

_"No, I think it was."_

_"You think? So, you were guessing?"_

_"No, no, I can think. I can consider, I can conclude."_

_„Yeah, no, that's guessing._ _You guessed."_

_"No, I did not."_

_"Dr. Isles guessed, Dr. Isles guessed," I sing-sang on the way to the elevator._

_"I did not._ _I did not."_

_"Did too," and before she could object again I just kissed her, moving us into the elevator._

I looked up at Maura and she smiled. "I could get lost and stay here for the rest of my life just looking into your eyes," she whispered.

I had seen her in a new light some days ago and I couldn't let go of the picture, her holding that little baby. I didn't know what happened but watching her act with the small boy set something off in me. We had decided to get married, someday in the next summer. Was it a naturally thing to think about having a baby next or was it just the circumstance that the last case involved us bringing a baby into this world together?

We had talked about children or not, that depends on how you look at it. Just sentences during one or two cases. We both wanted children, someday. Was it too early for seriously considering starting a family? How did Maura feel about it and more importantly how to bring it up without making her feel uncomfortable or obliged?

Sure she had busied herself with looking at baby-stuff more than once during the case, but hinting at it, she answered laughing 'Craving for pickles? No!'

What's up with you, pervy? Getting nervous seeing your girlfriend holding a baby? Is it perverse to think that it is sexy to watch your better half holding your baby, isn't it? It has to be. Okay having a baby is closely related to sex but getting turned on from the sight of something that innocent…

"Hey, where are you?" Maura whispered.

"I am here, baby…I am here," I answered absent-mindedly.

"Tell me," she breathed.

"Well…," I shook my head slightly. "No I can't."

There was already enough pressure, somehow. Everyone was somehow expecting a baby, soon. Isn't that what hetero-couples would do once they're planning to get married?

The first thing Frankie said as I asked him to help me getting everything ready for proposing to Maura was 'If you were a guy I would ask you if you knocked her up already.' He argued with the fact that we were together for just seven months.

Then there were Constance, Richard and Ma.

_Maura's parents couldn't make it to her proposal and came to visit us two weeks later, if only for three days._

_We sat down around the dining table, the whole baggage, including both of my partners. Since Ma was now living in the guesthouse, Maura and I just slipped silently into being the hosts of Sunday-family-dinner._

_Everyone around the table played a game of throwing ideas for our wedding at us because we still refused to voice what kind of wedding we thought of._

_"I once came along a wedding in a small village in Italy and the guests were throwing little tull-bags filled with almonds at the newlyweds," Richard recounted._

_"That's a common Italian tradition. Sugared almonds as presents; three up to five pieces symbolising love, fortune, fertility, wealth and health," Maura explained to her father._

_I was just shoving a fork full into my mouth as my mother turned and her big mouth went off without any warning._

_"Believe me they don't need any stuff that stands for fertility. I swear to God if two girls could make babies together this house would be too small already."_

_The table went silent in an instant, only my coughing filled the room, desperately trying to get my food whether down or out._

_"Well…," Richard started. "I think I am feeling right to be a grandfather, soon."_

_"After Janie joined the academy I thought this would never happen."_

_"Oh… you two would make such cute babies," Constance squealed nearly._

_I looked around the table and cleared my throat. "As you so nicely put it Ma, we can't just get pregnant so there is nothing to tell and I would appreciate it if everyone would stop with the baby talk."_

_"But you two would really make cute babies, just look at you both."_

_"Ma…," I said, lifting my finger warningly._

"Talk to me, sweetie," Maura says again, remaining silent as I turn us over and savor her lips against mine.

_*tu es ma moitié/ sei la mia metá = you complete me_

_*tu sei la mia eternità = you are my eternity_

_*cœur et l'âme = heart and soul_

_**There is a huge mistake; TV-Maura: "The famous Zimbardo experiment at Yale proved that." – but the experiment which is meant by that is the 'Stanford-Prison-Experiment' and Philip Zimbardo was a Professor at Stanford, he only promoted in Yale.** _

 

**Thanks for reading!**

**Have a nice day 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	31. Rizzoli

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

 

" _ **Talk to me, sweetie," Maura says again, remaining to stay silent I turn us over and savor her lips against mine.**_

Maura's POV

I know exactly what Jane was thinking of. Since we decided to get married one single topic was dominating every conversation. Regardless of, it was coming as a question, a remark, a hidden comment, everyone was going crazy about the baby-issue and if that wasn't already enough I got myself attached to it, unintentionally.

Bringing that baby into the world with the help of Jane lit something inside of me I never thought would happen. But I also thought that I would never get married or share my life, table and bed with the one and only person. I never thought I would be able to love someone so much that I was willing to compromise, arrange and share. I never thought such kind of love was even possible.

I feel her lips on my stomach, light and slow kisses. How would they feel against a baby bump?

"Jane…," I whisper. "I don't think this is the best possible moment and I don't know how you feel about it, but… I want a baby… but I don't want it now."

In a fast move I pull her flush on top of me. "The idea of giving our love a name, sounds phenomenally beautiful to me and picturing bringing new life, made with love, into this world is something I see myself definitely only sharing with you."

I kiss her softly. "I know it will be more difficult than that but I just want it to happen. I don't want our baby to be a result of pressure and expectations, of cold and sterile rooms, of hormones and injections."

Now she is the one kissing me. "Well… although I found it really sexy seeing you with the baby I don't want that either. It doesn't feel right to rush into this because everyone is pushing us in some ways. You didn't get all those letters behind your name for nothing, Dr. Isles. We will make it work… together, somehow… someday."

Her nose touches the spot underneath my ear and she snuggles against me. I scoot closer with my lips.

"I didn't say anything about stopping to try for it…," I breath.

She laughs wholehearted. "Gee and there I thought increased sex drive was going to happen first during the pregnancy."

"If that is true… it seems I got pregnant the moment your lips touched mine for the first time," I whisper back.

She presses her forehead to mine and our noses touch fully side to side. Just getting lost in each others eyes. Our kiss starts as one of those movie-kisses. Inching closer in nearly slow motion, brushing slightly against each other before giving in into a sensual dance.

Jane's tank had been ridden up as I pulled her on top of me and I can feel the warm skin and the moving muscles on me.

I never thought of it as appealing to just spend days doing nothing. My holidays usually were packed with all kind of exploring. Okay I may explore a lot of things in the next week but they all would be limited to Jane. We both need some time alone without thinking about disturbance.

I really love my soon-to-be mother-in-law and after the incident in our bedroom she was much more careful not to disrupt our privacy but all together it still puts a lash on the nature of things.

We both subliminally were more careful not to just act on whatever we wanted to do, wherever we wanted to do… anything. That would change with a child too.

Would we have to dress again after, once our baby was able to get up alone or was it okay to find both of your parents naked in bed? Would we have to turn down our affection at home completely or was it fine for children to witness that their parents shared a deep love for each other?

I would definitely have to work on my volume. Definitely! The embarrassment of Angela's not so subtle hint, to our rather over-average intimacy, at dinner still lingering in front of my memory. After all she is an adult and I didn't expect her to think that we only were holding hands in bed. She would have to live with that. That would be something else with an innocent child.

Why is it that you always have to sacrifice? In order to have a baby with Jane we would have to change, wouldn't we? How do other couples do it? Well a lot of them didn't do it as 2006 nearly a million couples got divorced in the States and there were still two month left of the year.

Could that happen to us? Would it be too much of sacrifices for one of us at some point? Thinking of it, maybe we had not thought it really out. The process to get pregnant and the pregnancy itself could get a debilitating experience. Work would have to step back for the one caring the baby.

Could our love for each other suffer? Was that the reason for so many divorces?

"It's prohibited by law to have oral sex in Florida," I state the fact, surprised how I had not noticed my actually state of dressing.

"Well it's good that there is no police officer nearby. Another stupid law I have to note?"

"Yes," I moan, not averse to her ministration but not entirely being on task. "You are legally not allowed to kiss my breasts and neither do I. It is also forbidden to shower naked or have sex with a porcupine," Jane laughs. "It's also not allowed to molest a garbage can."

"Who the heck comes up with such needless stuff?" She breathes against my skin. She kisses my belly once again. "Do we need to talk?"

Yes we needed to talk. I needed her to tell me that everything would be fine. But did I need it now? We agreed that having a baby was something that would come some time later.

_Well done, Isles. Being miles away while she was about to work her magic on you, twice in a row already._

I use all my strength to turn us over, straddling her stomach, sitting straight up.

"I wish I could make you promise to me that you're never going to love me any lesser than you do right now." My voice is oddly powerful and I surprised myself with it.

Her hands move to my hips and her thumbs caress my pelvic bones. She smiles, staying silent and her eyes are telling me that she promise what her mouth dares to say, because she knows she can't promise it and she wouldn't want to lie to me.

Promising me to love me as much as she can, every day and my promise to her is that it would always be enough.

Let it go! Everything about the two of us is exceptional and this wouldn't change. Not now, not after having a baby and not after being married for a lifetime. I love her so much that it would stand every storm and looking into her eyes right now I know she does too.

I push my leg under Jane's right one. My hands flat on her abs. I sink down slowly and streaks of heat are chasing through me. My shirt goes in one move together with my bikini top and I pull Jane up for a kiss also to discard hers before I press her down again.

I love to be close to Jane and it has nothing to do with having power over her or dominating. Her hands roaming freely over my skin, even with my eyes closed or my head bent backwards I can feel her eyes on me, she can't look away and I love it. I can feel my skin burning under her gaze and oh boy do I love it when she grabs my hips in ecstasy.

Also I truly love her in my place. Feeling all of her weight concentrated on one part of my body. Seeing every emotion, that me moving underneath her, causes. Feeling all I am capable of giving, means truly so much more to me than everything I was proud of before.

The feeling of her chest muscles moving, twitching, shivering and shaking underneath my palms. I arch my back a tad, pressing my hands flat on her chest, pressing down harder, creating more friction between us and also push my breasts firmer against her palms.

I move slowly and steady. It would be so easy to finish us both off, rather quickly, but the physical release is only a bonus. Her fingers on my sides, her thumbs meeting in the middle of my body, skimming up and down over my skin, from my sternum to the top of my pubis.

"I love you, Jane," I whisper into the shimmering night sky.

I feel the need to laugh. Reviewing myself for a moment. The quirky, awkward Dr. Death, always over-thinking, never stop thinking at all, every second of the day composed, top-heavy, professional, making love in the warm, white sand on the beach, freely, openly, remorselessly.

"I do too, Maura. You can't even imagine how much I love you," her voice low and raspy. "We complete each other. We are meant to be. We are meant to last forever."

Sensing her lips against my neck I meet her in a slow and sensual kiss, her hands gently caressing my bottom cheeks. Pressing myself closer to her, my nails scratch from the small of her back up to the middle, just hard enough to have the lines visible for one or two days.

My head bends back, my lips slightly parting. I feel her hot and ecstatic pants against my throat. I moan and whisper her name over and over. Rapture. I lean to my side, taking her with me, rolling on my back, my calves firmly pressed to the back of her thighs I capture her against me.

I kiss her with everything I have to offer, everything I find in her eyes as often as I look up to them. She gets up and pulls me with her, leading me into the water. It is cool against my heated skin and as we are in deep enough she picks me up, my arms and legs are around her like a natural reflex and she dances slowly in circles.

Carefree, timeless, infinite. How can anyone consider something like this as a sin? If loving someone with every fibre is a sin I am willing to go down straight to hell.

I am on my back again in the wet sand of the sea surf. Kissing, whispering, caressing, snuggling while the soft waves of the ocean are washing over us. I am like a new, a different person with her. It doesn't matter that my hair is full of salt and sand, that I will find named sand in every gap of me later, that we behave like five years old, rolling around, changing from bottom to top and back to bottom. I love the person I can be with her in private.

We leave our clothes behind, walking hand in hand, stopping here and there for more kisses on our way over to the patio. Falling asleep, outside in the beach chair, with nothing but a thin sheet and the stars above us and waking up to a naked Jane on her side, caressing up and down with her index and middle finger between my chin and my pubis.

We feed each other with fruits for breakfast between lots of kisses and although I should be used to this feeling after so much months I am always melting by the fact how tender, gentle and sweet the grumpy Detective Rizzoli can be.

"What have you planed for us for the next week?" she asks, half on top of me.

"I was hoping for some intense exploring," I breaths against her lips, my fingertip skimming over her bottom.

"I am sure we can arrange a lot of that," she whispers back against my ear. "But if you want…"

"I have everything I want right here. I have to share you a lot in Boston and if you don't want to do something else I really want to enjoy having you all by myself."

She laughs. "You know I am totally fine being lazy."

And so we are being lazy. Going for a walk along the beach which ends up in more stopping and kissing than actually walking. Fooling around while we prepare dinner together, spending the night again underneath the starlit sky.

We stayed awake late into the morning snuggled tightly against each other, face to face.

"I want to get married in Boston Common," Jane whispered so suddenly that I nearly missed it.

We hadn't spent any minute to discuss something related to the wedding until now and the truth was I even would marry her in a cheap wedding-chapel in Las Vegas if it means to wear her ring and be Mrs. Jane Rizzoli at the end of the day. Okay that may sound stupid or cheesy and not very romantic but it is the truth. Rizzoli. We hadn't even talked about that but the thought of wearing her name, belonging to a whole family wearing the same name let my stomach flutter.

"I would like to marry you on exactly same spot we kissed on our first date."

I kissed her softly. "I would love that." Locking our glances. "I would like to adopt your name."

Jane stayed silent for some long minutes.

"I am not proud of my name anymore, Maura. My name belongs to a man who abandoned his whole family and pretends they don't exist anymore and you… you worked so hard to be known as Dr. Maura Isles and not as Constance Isles daughter…"

"You are not like your father Jane. You tell me every time when I doubt myself that my biological father is nothing but a sperm donor and I know you love your father and I know you are mad at him but maybe you should deal with it like that. It doesn't mean because he is your father you have to be like him, to make the same mistakes and take the same path."

I took her face in both of my hands. "Your father was always good to me and even if I don't understand his motifs and don't like it how he behaved you are a Rizzoli and I love you so much and I would be honoured to wear your name. I would wear it with pride because it's yours. And…"

I kissed her again. "Being Maura Rizzoli doesn't mean I can't be Dr. Maura Isles anymore. At least at work."

Jane giggled. "Maura Rizzoli sounds silly, somehow."

I pressed myself closer to her. "It makes me belong to you, officially and the thought of it alone that anybody knows I am yours burns me up," I whispered. "Not to mention how it makes me feel to know that of all of those people flirting with you I am the lucky one to take you home."

I kissed her again, this time with a little more passion. "I never found the idea of possession sexy. That changed since I am with you. I want you to possess me, all of me, forever. I know it isn't healthy and maybe it is insane but you are like a drug to me and I can't and won't be without you any longer. I would do anything for you in a blink of an eye and if that scares you it would be the best…"

She shut me off with a kiss. "Maybe it should scare me, but it doesn't because I am feeling the same. I can feel the green monster growling inside of me if anyone looks just a moment too long at you but then I look at you myself for a moment and everything is fine again. I am not jealous and that's somehow odd but… and I know that's not really humble… but I somehow know that how tempting it may be I am the one who is going to kiss you goodnight."

"I am not as strong as you. I am jealous, I can't help it. I never was before but you are my first real friend and I love you so much and I am afraid that someday someone will take you away from me. I can't stand there and watch anyone soft-soap you. I have to make myself present and I have to make sure you remember what is waiting for you."

She was about to respond but I pressed my index to her lips. "Loving you made me insecure. I often thing I could be smarter, nicer, more confident. I could work harder and faster to help you to do your job better than you do already. I could dress myself more appealing for you. I could work-out harder for you. I could make you feel more, like I do when you lo…"

Before I could finish she was on top of me. "Stop that, honey," she whispered. "I don't know if it's my fault that you think so, but you can trust me when I'm saying that you are perfect. Perfect for me, before you even start to protest. I love you and I don't love you because of your dresses or for the matter that you are so damn beautiful and sexy. You are incredibly hot Maura but I would love you still if you would weight 300 pounds because you would be the same quirky, weird, dumb genius I love so much. I will love you still even if you aren't going to remember my name or if I have to wipe away your drool. For better or for worse, Maura. I am going to make this promise and I am going to take it very seriously."

She kissed my nose. "And now we are going to get that planning rolling because the slower we move the longer this wedding is going to have to wait. And honestly I can't wait for the day I am going to be able to add the words 'my wife' in front of your name."

And so we did, okay maybe not really planning but playing with some kind of ideas and wishes. Maybe I would want a wedding where we could proof all the envier liars but I am not that fancy as most people would judge me. Having Jane there would be really enough.

I wake up to a warm sensation on my body.

"Mhhh. You have to be careful there Detective or I am going to want to wake up like this every morning," I whisper hoarsely, moving my hand underneath the sheet, covering me, caressing through the thick black mane belonging to the beautiful woman between my legs, performing one of the most gentle and softest cunnilingus I have ever received.

She doesn't answer but I feel her slightly smiling against me and I know she would even set her alarm much too early for her liking just to make it happen for me. Hesitating for a moment she strokes her hands up from my hips over my stomach to the sides of my breast before her thumbs slowly touch my nipples.

It is too cute how shy she sometimes still is. Not too shy to wake me up making love to me and not too shy making love in general but she lacks of typical attitudes of any men I was ever with.

Complicated to explain! She never gropes me, maybe not the perfect word, but… Sure she sneaks up on me and kisses my neck, sometimes she even caresses my buttocks but she has to have some kind of borderline between showing affection and maybe what she thinks is vulgar.

I remember Ian being that kind of guy. He was always charming and nice and I wouldn't call him badly brought up, but his way of showing me his intentions was always sneaking up behind me and squeezing my breasts or even cupping my pubic area.

She doesn't do anything like that. Sometimes she even hesitates in moments like right now. It is odd somehow but cute in the same moment. I mean how much more intimate can you be as bringing your partner to climax with your mouth and still she shies away from touching my breasts.

I arch my back and suppress the fleeting urge to grind against her tongue. I adore being loved so slowly and gently. The moment she fully cups me finally and her scars rubbing soft against my hard nipples, white heat shoots through me. I quietly call her name like a mantra while she guides me through an incredible intense orgasm.

I pull her on top of me and hum in pleasure tasting myself on her tongue. I feel constantly like bursting from all the emotions inside of me.

"I love you," I whisper against her lips.

"I love you too and don't ever doubt that." She kisses my nose, my chin and my throat before she lifts herself up on her palms. "I am going to make some breakfast." And with one last kiss to my lips she is up, steals away the sheet, leaving me back stark naked on the beach chair and is out of sight.

I turn around on my stomach and enjoy nothing but the warm air on my skin for some moments before I stretch and get myself up to follow her. If someone had told me a year ago that I would be totally comfortable walking around stripped down to the skin I would have laughed. Not because I am shy about my body but just because it is out of place for someone with my upbringing.

Because of it being so delicate I always loved the thrill of sleeping naked, being rebellious for once.

Leaning against the backdoor in the kitchen and watching Jane wrapped in the piece of cloth preparing breakfast I realize just in that moment that I really miss some privacy at home. I miss the possibility for a heated and frenzied quickie, midday in the kitchen or on the desk behind the couch. It doesn't happen that often and the last one was in the middle of the night, barely able to shut the door after coming home from the Robber, always with a small thought of Angela might hear the clatter and have a look at the source of it.

I stroll behind her and encircle her waist with my arms, kissing the skin on her shoulder blades, first gently then becoming more passionate with the seconds ticking by. Licking along her neck, kissing and biting softly she has to steady herself for a moment.

I loose my right hand and slide along the seam of the bed sheet. At the level of her hips I slightly part it and feel it falling back against my wrist. My index and middle finger going straight to touch my goal and I feel her taking a shivering breath. My left goes for the button on the stove and turn it off, then grapping her fingers with mine from underneath.

I press my hips against her, pinning her lightly between my body and the counter. Her head sinks back onto my shoulder giving me the opportunity to whisper directly into her ear.

"Right now I really crave a good fuck, Detective."

 **Ducking down as quick as I can… Thanks for reading!**  

**Have a nice day 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	32. Déjà-vu and key words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

 

_**"Right now I really crave a good fuck, Detective."** _

Jane's POV

It is rare that Maura is so blunt, in sense of our privacy and swearing is yet even rarer. Sometimes I think I am too soft for her liking, but I respect her too much. Maura isn't the woman you simply fuck. She deserves to be cherished, pampered, worshiped.

The first couple of times it happened I wasn't entirely in… okay I was in…her…  _maybe not the best thing to joke about, Rizzoli_ … sometimes I am so insecure I keep covering it with jokes and sarcasm even talking to myself… in my head.

I was for some time not really fine treating her like that. She's my partner, my equal, my friend, my love, my one and only, my everything, and not a hooker I push up a wall and get some business done.

She knows I would do anything for her. God, I even would wear one of those damn silicon dicks if she would ask me to. I really enjoyed both of our first times going a little rougher. The one in the kitchen on our first night together and the second in the shower after the first weekend, but that was the whole problem.

I enjoyed while we were doing it but afterwards I felt ashamed of myself. I was insecure, maybe she was only too polite to say something and so I tried to avoid letting it got out of hands for over two weeks.

Even though we made love every night in the meantime I slowed it down anytime it started to get a little more heated.

We came home from the Robber, having some drinks with Korsak and Frost. She was the whole evening very touchy-feely and she explained very much later that she was ovulating and horny as hell. Okay she explained it all 'Dr. Maura Isles' but the result was the same.

That was the first time one of my shirts was very, very ready for trash because all of my buttons went flying the moment the door felt into lock. She just ripped it open and I truly was so shocked about her behaviour that I nearly missed to get a hold of it. So I made it up the stairs on my own, hoping it would calm her… mission failed. As fast as she could get me she nearly threw me on the bed.

Where her clothes had landed I found not out until the next day. Once I got the upper hand again by turning us around, being on top of her, I slowed it down immediately by kissing and softly nibbling her neck. At least I thought so for a while…

_"Do it." She whispered and searched my eyes._

_"Do what?" I moved my lips back down to her neck._

_"Mark me."_

_I choked and was up like a lightning to meet her eyes again._

_"Excuse me? I thought for a moment I heard Dr. Isles, the same quirky person that holds lectures about broken blood vessels and other stuff, ask me to cause a hickey on her neck."_

_She smiled simply and presented her neck even more._

_"Go on. I want you to do it. Mark me."_

_I lent down and whispered. "Don't mock me when you have to wear turtlenecks or a scarf." Sucking harder at her pulse point in the crock of the neck, seconds later a large red dot stuck out harshly on her pale skin._

_"Mine." I giggled and kissed slowly down over her chest, between her breasts and lower._

_"Yours" She whispered. "Always yours."_

_I kissed down over her stomach and her hipbones, thinking, going down on her was a good idea… because I was still in the belief that I was holding the reins._

_I would learn the lesson how wrong I was… thinking so…_

_She grabbed with both her hands into my hair and although she didn't hurt me she made it very clear that I better would follow her lead up her body again._

_Meeting her gaze I looked into pitch-black pools._

_"Right now I really crave a good fuck, Detective."_

_Not only her words but also the sound of her voice gave me some shivers I thought were only the fabrication of some creepy authors._

_And she knows exactly what she had done to me in that moment. Déjà-vu and key words. Anytime those words are leaving her lips I am getting chills all over again._

_Probably I hesitated a moment too long because she pulled my face closer to hers and watched me for a moment._

_"When I was in college there was a song everyone played up and down for weeks. I don't know who interpreted it and I don't know the name of that song but probably it may have been plain and simple 'bitch'."_

_As I was about to respond she kissed me._

_"I wasn't finished. As much as one can probably discuss about this song it has a simple message. Namely that there is nothing plain and simple! I am not just Maura. I am the daughter of someone. I am a doctor, a co-worker, a friend and even an enemy, just because of my profession. I am a sinner in some people eyes. I am your girlfriend and your lover."_

_She kissed me again and pressed her lips to my ear. "And sometimes I just want to be your whore."_

_That may not be the right term because it is still the case that I respect her too much. I think it is a way of looking at it. When she asks me to fuck her it simply means skipping or cutting short any kind of foreplay and going a little rougher than usually. We both aren't into anything to kinky. Maybe some people would be insulted by my image of where perversion starts and a balanced intimacy ends, but that's my or even our point of view._

_After all we are not shooting a porn, so it doesn't really matter what people outside of our privacy consider as right or wrong. I think I am doing well satisfying her needs and as long as Maura doesn't ask for something different there is no need to change._

_I pull a little harder at her left hand, her fingers trapped between mine and whirling her to the side, following her. It somehow leaves the impression of dancing. I sense the air leaving her mouth with a huff as our bodies collide and her back hits the fridge. Immediately I was looking in those pitch-black pools again that are her beautiful eyes._

_A light tuck of her hand and the sheet is pooling around my feet. Hunger and lust are staring at me along with the constant presents of undying love in her eyes. Her arms are coming around my hips and her nails ducking, still softly, into the skin of my buttocks, pulling me as close as possible._

_Her nose slides along my neck until she reaches my ear and her breaths make me shiver._

_"You have no idea how much I want you right now," a ghost of a whisper._

_As I touch her butt she knows exactly what to do, knowing very well how much I love it when she lifts her legs oh so slowly and wrap them around me. Engaging into a passionate kiss I move us slowly over into the living room, to the really spacious couch in front of a whole wall made of glass, facing the beautiful lagoon down at the beach._

_Me turning around, Maura looses her legs and stands by herself again, only to push me softly to sit down and even before I touch the cushion properly she straddles my lap and readopts our kiss. Not refusing her request any longer, needless, but still I assure that she is wet enough I enter her with two of my right fingers._

_Maura grabs both of my shoulders in haste and her head flies back the moment she senses me going inside her. A semi-loud gasp escapes her mouth and there is a second of totally stillness of everything before she begins to move. She instantly captures her lower lip between her teeth and arches her back a little more._

_Her left hand moves behind my neck to support herself while her right one makes it slowly down between my own legs. Before she can reach her destiny I lace our fingers together and pull her a little closer._

_She is over-towering me more than a head and as my lips touch her chest she switches from slowly moving up and down to rolling her hips forth and back. There will be enough time for me, later, right now I want to enjoy the beautiful goddess in my lap._

_This is one of my favourite positions. We can be very close and I get the chance to feel and see as much of her as possible. I love it to feel her sex grinding against my stomach and I adore the things I can make her feel just with my abs… or my thigh for that matter._

_In your late twenties you tend to think that you know the majority about sexuality. I thought so, too. But even if you had partners before that were maybe able to satisfy you and not only playing the lame game of in and out, everything is different, now._

_It is funny, really. I can't describe the feeling that was welling up as I first discovered that Maura's nipples harden the second I whisper in her ear, despite of what I say or where we are. All the first times I found a new spot on her body that makes her moan long and low. The first time I sensed her shivering when my tongue touches hers. The first times she climaxed without even touching her most private parts._

_It should turn me on and it does…I think… but that's not what I feel foremost. This is like Christmas and birthday as a child, like solving a highly difficult riddle, experiencing something live-changing. It makes me happy and tingling and proud but not smugly. The feeling is everything but something sexual._

_I always thought all of it is stuff only Hollywood makes up. The one-and-only-real-love and things like soul mates and being happy that you think the sun is literally shining out of your ass._

_And I learned at nearly thirty, that sex is so much more than penetrating and trying to satisfy and using each other. Before Maura I would have been more than pissed if a man would fall asleep on me after satisfying his needs. Now, when it happens I am pleased and balanced. I find myself smiling when she hums while drifting seamlessly from flying high over to dreamland. Now it is nothing less than a compliment._

_I really count myself as lucky. Lucky to have found the one that completes me, lucky to have found the one I complete and I am going to cherish it for the rest of my live._

_I've also learned that it doesn't make me a miserable human to love and admire Maura's body as well. Sometimes I think too much and feel like a drooling teenager before I touch her, but I also learned fast that it makes a difference how you even think of it in the secret silence of your head._

_Being grown up, playing in the streets of Boston you're clearly used to use slang all along and saying words like tits or pussy or things like that isn't a great deal, but it feels disrespectful to use it related to Maura, even in my head. And I am so grateful that Maura doesn't use hard language in bed… which seems silly to assume…talking about Maura… but you never know, anything can happen…_

_I like bossy or dirty Maura, that's for sure… but between the both of us it has it's own universe. She is dirty without being disrespectful or undignified. Mostly we don't tell each other what to do, because we don't need to… it all comes naturally, but sometimes she literally need to say it._

_I love her for the one she is and it would probably be horrifying to hear her asking me to lick her pussy rather than her softer request like 'I want to come on your tongue'. I also learned that 'graceful dirty' turns me far more on than anything else._

_"Mhhh…stay… right there baby…," she breathes._

_"I am not really doing anything…," she presses a kiss upon my lips and nibbles softly at my lower one._

_"Oh you do…," a long and mid-loud moan follows. "You do…." She presses herself firmer down, pulling me as deep as possible into her and leans her head down._

_"You are… are incredible and you make me feel things I never thought was possible and I am not only talking about your fingers inside of me."_

_She moves just a few millimetres up and down by tensing up and relaxing her muscles and I start to stroke her walls lightly with my fingertips. She grabs my face in both hands and locks our glances._

_I feel the light jerks her whole body does anytime she moves down. I feel her tighten around me, slowly but steady. She holds on firmer on my face, her fingertips bending and I feel them scraping the skin underneath my ears. She pulls our foreheads together, tips of noses touching and with one last hard downward move she flies._

_She clinks to my face and convulse against me. Breathing hard, moaning, whispering my name while she still moves, taking as much as she can, not willing to let any of her climax go to waste._

_I turn us to the side, lowering her down to the cushions, sitting on my heels between her legs. She never let go of my face and our foreheads still pressed together. She stares into my eyes and smiles softly._

_"You are not off the hook, Detective. That was just a warm-up…," she squeezed my fingers, still inside her._

_"I want to feel you with every move I will make for at least a week," she presses me away and moves her legs around and her feet caress over my front, coming to rest each on one of my shoulders._

_"Fuck me," she moans as she moves hard against me, once. I lose myself from her, pull her hips up on my thighs, switch to my left hand and enter her in one fast move._

_"Yes," she hisses through clenched teeth. "I am yours… show me I am yours, baby."_

_For the first few strokes I go slow but deep._

_"Part your legs for me," she whispers and I obey instantly._

_She grabs the armrest of the couch and pushes herself against me until the back of my hand is pressing onto my clit._

_"Mhhh better," she moans. "I want you to feel me moving… I want you to come with me."_

_Having not much room left I have to move my hips to push into her. Like before, slowly but deep. She grabs both of my biceps and rocks against me. Increasing the pace in intervals. I caress her left leg and kiss and nibble softly at her calve, touching my right cheek._

_I feel my own hand rubbing against me and myself building up. I am afraid I am not able to hold on long enough. That's when she pulls one of her 'secret ninja skills' out of her sleeve and is up, sitting on me, her arms closing around into a nearly crushing hug. I push my hips to meet her moving up and down, her pace now nearly frantic._

_Suddenly she stops and freezes, her head in her neck and the seconds ticking by, feeling like hours before a loud, long, deep and heavy moan leaves her lips and she collapse down on my lap. I can see her larynx move up and down, in a desperate attempt to swallow. Her lips are trembling and her fingers too, I can feel them vibrate against my skin._

_Her breathing makes her move so slightly and being still inside her keeps her orgasm on the surface. The moment she opens her eyes I fall over the edge and we rock each other from high to high until we clink to each other desperately, heavy breathing and sweating like running for our lives._

_"I love you," she whispers and before I can answer she announces that we are far from being done in her breathless, sultry voice. "I am starving for you."_

_…_

_"Oh my God… Jane. Do we have a serious problem?" She pants right into my left ear._

_Do we? Okay maybe we got a bit overboard with it today. Okay maybe not maybe… we got overboard… a lot. After sinking back and pulling her hips above my face she ended up with her back on the rest of the couch, me standing between her legs. Face first against the large window with me pressed against her back going over to me backed up against the window and she on her knees. On the table, on the couch again, on sideboard, against the wall, let alone five times on the floor. We covered it all…caressing, penetrating, orally…slow, fast… soft, rough… standing, lying, sitting._

_She giggles. "Action replay?" Maura whispers._

_"Yeah… in slow motion," I croak as an answer._

_"I can feel that," her thumb lightly skims over one of my rock hard peaks, but now the time for being hungry and lascivious is over and she cups my breast softly, like in an attempt to protect._

_"I am so happy Jane," she whispers against my lips before some gentle pecks following her words._

_It may sound strange if someone would listen to it knowing how we spent our day but she means it and she is far from talking about physical relieve. Maybe not far from physical closeness, because as cold and reserved as Maura sometimes seems for others to witness, she couldn't be any more different in private._

_She is hungry, no… starving for any kind of physical contact and even when her acquired etiquette requires composure in public she basks herself in any affection I pay her openly._

_I put my hands on her rips, right under her armpits and pull her up gently, faces at the same level. I kiss her softly, a kiss full of love and happiness and gratitude and adoration. It is a blessing to communicate without words, to be on the same page without voicing it. We slip seamlessly from fiercely to tender, from bold to shy, from taking to giving._

_I can't help the urge to protect her, to shield and to guard her. I turn us on the sides, nearly touching the floor with her back I wrap myself around her. Covering her front with my body, my right arm around her, hand between her shoulder blades and my left biceps ends up under her head._

_Saving her from being exposed, from being cold, from feeling vulnerable. We lie there in totally silence just holding each others glance, tender fingertips sending secretly messages over each others skin, like Morse codes._

_The idea of having a dripping in perspiration sexual partner near me would have mortified me not long ago, but smelling the mix of arousal, exertion and exhaustion coming from Maura is both, stimulating and soothing._

_Our bodies work themselves slowly back into accordance. I push myself up a bit and before her 'stay just a little longer' look can convince me I scoop her up bridal style and we move a level up to our, not for once used, bedroom._

_I make it around the bed. It is the wrong side of the bed but so I can lower her down without too much of struggling. We both happen to prefer the left side and as we also prefer to be as close as possible to each other we usually only use one side of the bed._

_I bend down, her back gently touches the soft surface and she pulls me down with her smoothly. I pull the comforter from the left side over us and snuggle against Maura. I can clearly hear and feel her heartbeat near my right ear. Smelling her, tasting her salty skin. Her left hand plays with my hair while she's drawing along the contours of my face with the tip of her right index._

_She shifts her arms, her left across my back, her fingers resting on my left hipbone and her right underarm touches my jawbone, her fingers caressing my scalp and her thumb stroking my ear._

_I never saw myself as a cuddler, hating the fact to be stuck in the same place without having any sway about the length or strength. I always felt like being trapped. Maura's softness and warmth and scent are like a drug, making it impossible to want to be away from her. I often would like to crawl under her skin and stay there for the rest of my life._

_The only spot I am able to kiss is the top of her left breast and I have to smile feeling her reaction to some innocent pecks. I consider for a moment to tease her but I know that it is an emotional response and not one based on arousal, so I let it slip and resume gently kissing her again and again._

_Life may be cold and cruel and unfair more often than not and I can be those things too, I am those things too but to be in Maura's arms, even for some minutes, strips me down to my very rare. Down to 'plain Jane' who wants nothing more than to love and being loved. Unconditionally, sheer, full-blown, completely._

_In moments like this I feel nothing but all the love that streams out of every pore from the angelic goddess beneath me and if I was my alter ego, my before Maura, I would ask myself if I deserved all of this, if I am enough and good enough to be with her._

_If a simple kiss onto a plain piece of skin erupting into whole-body goose bumps and violently shivers isn't a statement then what will confirm you that you are holding another humans heart in your hands? That you are the master of her dreams, her hops, her future?_

_No! Jane Rizzoli, the 'Ice-bitch', the 'I-don't-need-anyone', the 'love-is-a-weakness-and-I-am-strong' received her death-sentence the moment she had pulled her head out of her ass and had kissed Maura in named friends kitchen. It was a brutal fight, an exhausting struggle but at least love had won._

_It didn't matter anymore if people called me sinner, dyke, gay. I didn't matter because I have Maura and together we stand all above every single insult or close-minded view. The simplest smile of the graceful doctor was able to make my heart soaring and nearly bursting._

**Thanks for reading!**  

**Have a nice day 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	33. dirty, little details

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

**_It didn't matter anymore if people called me sinner, dyke, gay. I didn't matter because I have Maura and together we stand all above every single insult or close-minded view. The simplest smile of the graceful doctor was able to make my heart soaring and nearly bursting._ **

Maura's POV

With my eyes still closed I take in every sensation surrounding me. The warmth on my skin, partly from the sun outside but mostly created by the body of a certain, lanky Italian goddess, resting peacefully half on top of me. The thick and heavy, sweet smell of sex dancing in the air. Remains of my own arousal, mixed with Jane's, sticky and so wonderfully tangible, clinking to my thighs, down between my bottom cheeks.

The dampness of the duvet, both on top and underneath us, also a mix of Jane and my body fluids. Sweat and saliva and tears and ejaculate. The salty taste of her skin, still lingering on my tongue. Tingling sensation on my lips from never-ending, sensual kisses. The heaviness and sweet pain pulling at every muscle. The softness of her breath against my throat. The subtle twitch of her fingertips against my skin.

Awakening at four in the morning I simply couldn't resist the desire to love her once again. Sweet and slow and soft and tender and gentle. And she made me literally cry. All the soft whispers and affectionateness overwhelmed me in synergy with an incredibly intense, synchronistic climax. The only way for my body to response was to open up all of its gates. Using every form to release emotions. Shivering, shaking, twitching, jerking, crying, moaning, scratching, sweating and although it had happened before, with Jane, I came so hard that I was horrified for a moment that is was my bladder, feeling so much wetness…suddenly.

Being a doctor obviously doesn't prevent you from feeling so. I always knew about the existence of the fact that women are capable of ejaculating, but it is such an uncharted phenomenon. Scientists are not able to determine from where it comes or what it triggers. There are theories, but nothing of it is proven.

Presumably, paraurethral glands are responsible for producing the liquid, highly probable. Also the pubpcoccygeus muscle and its characteristics could play a decisive roll into it but there is no evidence for the stimulus. Sampled population of women stated all over the variety of stimulation which triggered the experienced ejaculation. From clitoral, to vaginal, to pure imagination. From the quality of sex to the intensity of the arousal they felt.

Well I can only add to that confusion instead of disclosing that secret. The first time it happened was the first time I came with Jane's tongue inside me and the embarrassment wasn't small. I felt it. It wasn't much but I indeed felt it happen. Embarrassment… well although I thought of it as a compliment for a partner, for Jane, it was the last thing in my mind of all the things that could have happened.

Something equal was after all one of the reasons I never performed oral sex on one of my male suitors. The possibility of sperm in my mouth and the slight disgust for the sight of the male anatomy, despite the fact I enjoyed the benefits I never thought about a penis as a pleasurable view. And there came the embarrassment along… I just ejaculated into Jane's mouth.

She didn't say anything. As far as possible for me to say, after all it was our first night being intimate with each other, she behaved like nothing had happened. Half an hour later a whispered 'I am sorry' from me caused a simple but sexy as hell 'It has been my honour' from her.

The second time again I could feel it happen. For me it felt comparatively a bit like the shot of saliva the glandula sublingualis does, but this time I just enjoyed it. It happens differently. There isn't a special treatment, it happens with all kind of stimuli, and sudden. I dare to theorise that my emotional bond to Jane has an encouraging effect on it, because all of my climaxes are intense with her, but it happens more often when I crave her stronger than any other night.

As often as it had happened it only had may be a few drops, leaving me with force, like the ejaculation of a man but last night it was so much I really thought for a moment my bladder had emptied itself.

If I hadn't observed the metamorphosis of me a lot earlier this was the glorious moment even I would have noticed that 'Dr. Maura Isles' was not longer the dominant part of me. All the thoughts about germs, hygiene and neatness were removed and replaced with the pure erotic of lying in my own hormones and spreading them all over her.

Somehow it didn't change me at all… everything was the same… unless I was with Jane.

I think every couple has its time to explore and try and test and we were not different from that. So one late night, after closing a long and exhausting case and two hours of heavenly love making, we decided to let TV lull us over into sleep. Surfing through the channels, being snuggled close together in bed, we happened to trip over a sex movie or plain porn as Jane put it. In her opinion there was not a polite word for things like that.

She explained the difference of erotic and porn in her prospect and that she, of course had watched one in the age of sixteen with her classmates during a pajama-party, just because it seem to be cool to do so. And she explained how disgusted and horrified she was after.

I had watched a lot of documentaries about any kind of things along with it, one titled 'love for sale', a documentary about the oldest profession in world and one about the human orgasm… and to the great surprise of myself I let my classmates, unknowingly to them, talk me into watching 'L'Amant' – 'the lover' in the privacy of my room in college. Mostly considered as an erotic drama, even with the close-up views I had never watched a porn movie.

Well five minutes into it I wished it had stayed that way. Another thing we obviously share and if I have had only one still working brain cell inside my skull last night I probably wouldn't have done what I did.

After what seemed to be the longest high we both ever had I grabbed her wrist as she slowly pulled out of me. Pressing my thumb to the base of her index and ring finger, preventing her from closing or wiping her wet hand, I guided it up to my lips and pressed a kiss to her fingertips. Her eyes widened in shock as my mouth parted and the tip of my tongue got a taste of myself, gliding along the pads for the split of a second, followed by another gentle kiss.

Thinking for a second, about the possibilities of a reaction from her, I am sure I wouldn't ever have done this. We stared at each other for what seemed like forever before she lend down and kissed me sensually.

I don't know if it will ever happen again. We both enjoy pleasuring each other in any kind of way and I would not think in my wildest dreams about backing away from any amount of wetness welcoming my mouth but it also doesn't make me a lousy lover, or her for that matter, not to 'lick her clean' like it was asked so 'nicely' in that film that makes me more than once again thankful for being with Jane.

I press my hand softly to the back of her left shoulder, feeling her skin, her well formed muscles. Although everything in this room screams sex at the top of it lungs, there is one sensation embracing me, home. I take a slow and deep breath, feeling her body weight pressing against my chest as it moves. Home… safe… love… comfort. There is nothing I can't be, can't achieve or can't do with the trust, encourage, support and confidence Jane pours over to me with every breath.

I touch my lips to her forehead, no pressure, just contact. I am not tired anymore but I am too lazy and too comfortable to leave the bubble of our warm nest for at least as long as she sleeps.

I never spend a thought onto the mechanics of sex. I always concentrated myself on me and mostly blended anybody else out of it. I tried to remember. Jane called it jackhammering and the colloquialism made some kind of sense, actually looking at it in that moment.

I have used to think about it, sometimes, if Jane would treat me different, being born as a man. Is it what makes the difference, or is it just Jane? I have nothing to compare, I never slept with another woman.

She doesn't think so but I myself find being intimate with her graceful, appealing. I don't know where her underlying guilt is coming from. It isn't that she doesn't enjoy but I know she thinks often she could treat me even softer, better, nicer.

I know her mother is a devout woman but she is also passionate, maybe it's the things she has seen doing her job. I wish I could erase the last bit of her guilt trip for enjoying the feeling of being inside me, stimulating me with whatever part of her body, of driving me crazy in ecstasy.

I appreciate that she treats me like a treasure but I really wish she could lose every doubt. Once a thought crossed my mind which since then I try to disclosure. In a rather spontaneous flash, the possibility of her feeling those stings of guilt coming from her thoughts. Maybe she dreams or fantasizes about me in ways that seem inappropriate or dirty in her mind.

I kiss the spot underneath her ear and trace the outer lines with my nose.

"I used to wake up in the middle of the night, dreaming of you," I whisper.

I feel her moving a little, rubbing the side of her face against my shoulder.

"Before we became a couple, I used to wake up, dreaming of you. I found myself sitting in my office, staring at my computer, all worked up. Even at crime scenes I found myself aroused by your presents alone, not to mention once you start your sexy 'I'm the boss' performance."

"You are far sexier, all dressed up, striding gracefully up like a queen in your heels."

Ignoring her comment.

"I was about to buy myself your attention at the cafè, as we first met. I would have paid any price to get you into bed that night. I was never more turned on from another human being."

I feel her smile on my skin.

"You have no idea what you did to me in my dreams, what I wanted you to do. I imagined it were your fingers and mouth pleasuring me at night instead of my own. First, after meeting you in the cafè, all of my dreams were really dirty. Maybe it was the thrill of anonymity that made me want to try absolute anything with you."

I kiss the lobe of her ear. "You want to know the most persistent dream I had?"

She hesitates a moment before I feel a light nod against my skin.

"Remember it was just a dream and I never was with a woman before. I don't want you to feel…," suddenly I was afraid she would read too much into it. The substance of my dream wasn't important. I just wanted to make sure she knew that it is okay to have such thoughts.

Her hand touch my cheek and her thumb strokes my jaw, trying to calm me, giving me the permission to spill my guts, as she calls it.

"I was attending an event for my parents, striding to the room, glass in hand, having a few words here and there with some people who knew me for years. Turning around I found myself staring directly into your eyes from across the room, sensing recognizing in your face. You were wearing an Armani tux, tailored and I could see every curve and muscle move as you took some slow steps into my direction.

Someone stole my attention for some seconds and as I had another look you were gone. When I tried to find you again I spotted you on a different side of the room, leaning against a pillar, one hand in your pocket, openly watching me. You circled around me in the room about an hour, every few minutes our glances met. Giving me shivers every time.

Then you suddenly were pressed up against my back, your left index and middle finger stroking the hair away from my right ear before you leaned down and whispered

'I didn't think you need to add more aphrodisiac after you fucked me with your eyes the whole evening'

I moaned low as your words hit me.

'Obviously you don't need more of this either' I whispered back, my hand making sure I definitely felt an erection against my butt. You groaned as my fingers closed around it. I stroked along the whole length once before I whispered

'First floor, last door on the left, in five minutes, knock three times'

I had my hand on the handle all the time, and the second the third knock came I swung it open, grabbed you at your lapels and had you pinned up against the wall in a wink of an eye. You were so powerful, confident and you encouraged me with a little pressure to my shoulder, on instinct I knew that I wanted you this way. So I found myself on my knees, unzipping your pants, welcoming a black, silicon phallus."

I feel her shiver against me and I nearly missed her whispered. 'I would never do that.' I press her face harder against my neck.

"I know, baby. If you want me to stop you only have to ask. We are going to get married and for some painful hours I thought I lost you for real and I want you to know that there is nothing that makes me think any lesser about you, but I also know that you belittle yourself sometimes. That you think it makes you a bad person when you want my body as much as you want my personality. It doesn't and I want you to know that I spend two weeks only wanting your damn sexy body before more was added to the game."

I kiss the top of her head once and start to whisper again.

"I felt myself swell with pride as you grabbed the hair on the back of my head with your left and your hips began to roll against me, closing my lips tightly around you, pressing the root against your clit anytime you pushed inside. I hardly could wait for the moment you would come in my mouth."

She shivers again and I tighten my arms around her.

"You walked me back to the desk and pushed my dress up to my hips, stuffing my thong into your breast pocket. Grabbing my thighs to lift me closer to you I guided you to enter me. My head snapped back and I desperately propped myself up on my hands behind my back, pushing me harder against you.

My desire for you to claim me in another way let me sink back and away. I stood and disrobed my dress, just letting it fall to the floor I bend over the desk, exposing myself in the barest form. Shivering in anticipation of what to come.

I felt you leaning down on me until your body covered mine completely. Enjoying each slow and deep stroke of you inside me, hearing every whisper falling from your lips, feeling my clit bump into the edge of the table with each move. Finding myself trapped between you and the table top, totally at your mercy, made me wetter than I have ever been before. And you made me come harder than any of my prior lovers ever came close to.

I found myself wanting to leave an imprint on you, for you to never be able to forget me. As I felt you pulling out I turned and pushed you into one of the armchairs. I straddled your lap and slowly unbuttoned your shirt, kissing every inch of skin coming to the surface. Closing my fingers around your shaft, lowering myself down on it I slowly began to move forth and back, rubbing the strap against you.

Pushing my right hand between us, underneath the belt, making contact with your clit, the back of my hand rubbing against my own. My left lying on your abs, enjoying every ripple of your muscles. Riding you with as much passion as I can muster I try to hold back my climax as long as possible, wanting to share that vulnerable moment with you.

And that's the moment I finally wake up. I've had this dream nearly every night over two weeks and after I got to know you the dream only shifted slightly. You weren't some stranger anymore and adding to all the lust I felt for you in my dream was the hunger to make you fall for me."

"You would tell me if you were tired of me being all softie…," she whispers so low.

"No…baby. No… God no! I am in love with you being so soft. I didn't tell you that to make you doubt yourself more than you do anyway. It isn't what we did, I didn't know you then… I just wanted you to know that it is perfectly fine to dream or fantasize… You have no idea how often I watch you at work and every just so slightly move pulls up a very vivid memory."

I pull her face up to me and lock our glances.

"You are allowed to look at my legs and think about how they feel around you, you are allowed to stare at my lips and remember how they pleased you the night before, you are allowed to peek at my ass and muse about how it feels against your sex when you press me against something.

It is normal to do so and it doesn't make you any less and I wish I could make you realize that. I love you and I adore how you treat me but you have to stop over-thinking every move. You never did anything wrong with me. I love you being tender and gentle. I love you being chivalrous and attentive but I also love you being passionate and wild and animalistic and I love the fact that I can turn you on with simply walking up into the bullpen."

I pull her fully on top of me.

"I've had so many fantasies of how our first kiss would be. I had so many plans coming up how to make you see me, as a woman, as a potential sexual partner. I wore tighter clothes and nothing underneath, especially in the gym, but you never looked…"

"I did and you have no idea how many times I wanted to push you up against my locker…"

"I wish you've had done it… no, I don't… I wouldn't trade our first night together for anything. I fell in love with you all over again, but we can always make up for that loss, late at night when we are again all alone down there."

I wrap my legs around her. "At the risk of repeating myself, I want you to fantasize about me. I want you to look at me and remember what we did or what you want to do. There is nothing to feel ashamed about, nothing to feel guilty. There are no limits and I know you would never hurt me."

We lay there in silence for some minutes. "Thank you," she whispered. "I told you I would screw it up at some points…"

I chuckled. "Stop it Jane. You didn't screw up anything. I don't know why but I know you feel ashamed when you do things to me like yesterday and there is no need for that and I'm planning to tell you every dirty, little detail I ever fantasized about you and when you are ready I will listen to any of yours."

 **Thanks for reading!**  

**Have a nice day 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	34. pillow talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

 

**_I chuckled. "Stop it Jane. You didn't screw up anything. I don't know why but I know you feel ashamed when you do things to me like yesterday and there is no need for that and I'm planning to tell you every dirty, little detail I ever fantasized about you and when you are ready I will listen to any of yours."_ **

Maura's POV

I take her face in my hands and plant a gentle kiss onto her lips. Searching eye contact.

"Everywhere I have been I imagined you showing up. As a waitress, a shop assistant, at my yoga-class, in park jogging, at work. In my fantasy you only did your night-work because of the money you needed desperately to pay the hospital bills for someone close to you, one of your parents or siblings. I thought you were far too beautiful for doing this kind of work and you are… later, you had already been anywhere with me… but that didn't change my fantasies at all.

Anytime I walked into a fitting room I fantasized you following me. While you help unzipping my dress our eyes meet in the body-length mirror and I start to shiver under the hungry gaze of yours. Being captured in your spell my dress just drops to the floor and I feel your fingertips against my skin.

Suddenly you grab me, turn me around and I find myself pinned backwards against the mirror. The moment I guarantee your tongue admittance into my mouth you lift me up and I wrap my legs around you.

Anytime I went to a restroom out in public I imagined you following me, grabbing my hand and throwing us against the door. Anytime I had some spare minutes down in my office I fantasized you walking in, pinning me down to my desk and each and every time you made me scream in ecstasy."

I know I am not only talking myself on fire and I am planning to talk a lot more. Despite the fact we chime together like clockwork I am going to guide her, vocalize every little detail she will be doing anyway. I want her to get comfortable voicing her needs and desires.

Slowly I drag my nails softly over her buttocks and gently nibbling at her neck.

"I love you with every fibre of me and you mean so much more to me than physical pleasure but… and I don't know how you do it, every look at you makes my whole body hum in arousal. I hear your voice and all I can think of is how it sounds whispering into my ear in ecstasy. I watch you walking and all I can think of is how your sexy butt feels in my hands when you come."

I ensure that my voice is as low as possible. I feel her move against me, trying to find a position which allows her to listen but to stay calm enough. I can't even describe how it makes me feel to know that I am responsible for her increasing arousal. It never gets old and it makes me high like the strongest drug, the only difference is that Jane isn't going to wear off.

"I see you squirming out of your mothers hug and I have to steady myself, feeling you writhe underneath me in my imagination, pulling me closer. I watch you hesitating to offer your hand for a greeting and I can literally sense your scars torturing my nipples. I see your fingers close around your gun and I know you are able to crush me in pure pleasure with them. Anytime you stick out your tongue I am only able to recall how powerful you make me come. When I watch you being all bad-ass I think of how tame and soft you become when I close my lips around your nipples."

My nose caresses along her ear shell. "I want you, Jane. I want you all the time and I don't feel sorry or ashamed for it."

I move my nails up and down over her backside, more tingling than actually using much pressure.

"Right now I wish I were clothed because it is so damn sexy when you undress me. When you kiss me tenderly while every button of my blouse loses the battle against your beautiful fingers. Your index sliding softly over my skin for the first time, gently parting the fabric. The small, decent yanks as you pull it out of my skirt. Your hands on my shoulders, delicately pushing it down my arms until I hear the soft thud of it touching the floor. Your arms sneaking around, pulling me in before you slowly unzip me."

I nibble softly at her pulse point.

"Every teeth breaking sends a flash down between my legs. Before I am down to my underwear I am wetter than I was even when fantasizing about you. I feel your lips kissing down my neck and the fabric of my bra feels already like a cage to me, despite how soft it may be. I want to beg you to release me but I resist, loving the sweet torture of going slow. I feel your teeth skimming softly over my nipples, standing at attention, pressing against the fabric."

I fondle her nape, her hairline. I know exactly how sensitive she is, there.

"I am dying to feel your lips on my skin and I am close to orgasm for the first time the moment I feel your fingers break the hooks gently one by one. You, being able to open it at once, only with your index and thumb, is really arousing, but much hotter is it to feel it happen. To feel each of it snapping open."

I feel her kissing down, slowly closing her lips around my right nipple. Her tongue caressing over it I know she senses the gush of wetness pooling between my spread legs.

"Jane," I purr breathless, having to gather myself for a moment or two. "You kiss down in a straight line between my breasts to my navel, feeling your tongue penetrating it, a much harder jolt is sent down to my core. I have lost count of how many pairs of my panties you ruined. Sometimes I am not sure if I love it more of you discarding them with your teeth or staying fondling my belly button while you slowly take them off with your fingers."

I remember her sharp intake of air, like it was some minutes ago, as she discovered for the first time that I am clean waxed. I totally love her, just a millimetre wide, thin stripe of pitch black hair, loving to tickle it with my nose but I wouldn't want just the smallest gap of anything between her lips and me.

She mirrors my words, sliding her tongue into my navel, nibbling softly along the rim. My hands grab by reflex into her hair. I arch my back, pressing my body firmer into hers, feeling her hard buds scrapping over the skin on my thighs. My hips bucking softly, irregular. Sometimes I ask myself if I never paid attention to my body before, during sex or if being with Jane made me more sensitive, more responsive towards affections. I am not planning on testing that theory. I am not planning to let her go, ever. I will fight for us until my last heartbeat.

She kisses down lower and as her tongue touches me my whole body tenses up for some moments.

"Mhhh, baby. I want you to move as slowly as you can," I arch my back a bit more but leaving my bottom pressing down into the mattress. I can feel all my lower organs contracting. Her flat tongue is slowly running from my opening up to my clit before she closes her lips around it and sucks two times tenderly, running down again. Repeating it round after round.

"Not even in my wildest dreams I allowed myself to fantasize of it being that good, of you being so wonderfully skilled. I knew your mouth is a revolver and that your tongue is dangerous, but I never thought about it in that way," my breath becoming unsteady.

She presses the tip of her tongue firmly against my opening, breath hitching I buckle my hips towards her. I know I am leaking and in the past it would have been humiliating. I grab firmer into her hair, biting my bottom lip, moaning.

"I have to suppress the urge to beg you to stop teasing me," I rasp before a guttural moan leaves my lips. It is so much harder to pretend talking than I imagined. "My body is screaming for release right now but my mind and my heart can't get enough of you and your endearments."

I tuck at her head softly. It costs me all of my willpower to stop her. "I need you Jane. I need you up here. You are always putting my needs above your own. I am not ready to come just yet but I want you to come. Hard. I want to feel you tighten around my tongue. I crave your unique taste and your shivers. I crave the sound of your hoarse voice and your weight, you moving in ecstasy. I want to make you dizzy and boneless."

I grab her buttocks as she kisses my lips. "Don't make me beg Jane," I moan next to her ear. I know she hesitates anytime slightly when she's going to be the one on top, never if it's me.

"Jane," I purr in her ear. It feels strange to voice so much… "I think we could call it a little test-run on our honeymoon because I have nothing else planned for us than to make love as much as possible, sweet and tender, dirty and unbridled, frenzied and hard. I miss it to have you all to myself and now move baby," I lower my voice much more. "Or I will make you pay for every second you keep me waiting."

I feel her shivering once again before her knees are on each side of my head. My heartbeat speeds up extremely. She's hovering a few inches over me and her scent makes my skin tingle. I caress slowly over both of her legs, gently directing her down while kissing her thighs. Although this position would be more probably considered as kind of kinky we practice it slow and gentle, sensual.

The most intimate position, both are in a kind of vulnerable state. She could overpower me easily and I having free access to any part of her, or vice versa. I let my nose slide along her pubic hair and look up to her, finding her eyes being close and her head slightly bend. As if sensing I am watching she locks our gazes and that's my internal cue, because she never looked at me before from up there. I close my lips around her clit and press my flat tongue lightly against her.

Jane groans and closes her eyes again. I don't know why… okay that is probably a lie…I don't want her to turn into a loveless, cold sex monster but I want her to let go of those damn guilt. It seems not fair to make me feel like drowning in a sea of joy and pleasure and love and smoke in hell for it. I know she want to let go, but at some point something in her life went wrong and she can't fight it completely down. So maybe I made a pact with the devil and 'wicked-Maura' was born.

'Wicked-Maura' versus 'the-underlying-catholic-guild-of-Jane-Rizzoli' round two, counting my earlier pillow-talk. I stop every movement and it takes her some seconds before she opens her eyes again and that's when my tongue starts working again, oh so slowly. We play this game for some minutes before I withdraw a few inches.

"Jane… baby, can you open your eyes for me, please? I want to look in those beautiful, deep, brown pools I could get lost in for days. I want all of you. To feel, to taste, to smell, to hear and to see." I whisper hoarsely. "If it makes you uncomfortable, tell me please, I don't want to torture you."

She opens her eyes and they aren't brown anymore, it pulls a gasp from my lips. If there is a point you can't get any wetter I am positive I passed it just right now. I feel my stomach clench along with everything below it and I have to remember myself why I am after all in this position. I reconnect my mouth with her and Jane's breaths hitches, her eyes fluttering.

Her hands grab the headboard and I can see her muscles clenching, sure her knuckles are white from the death-grip on the wood. My hands are wrapped around her hips, I caress up over her rips and come to rest on the outer sides of her breasts. A barely-there touch from my thumbs over her nipples let them harden even more. Her eyes are piercing mine. She struggles to keep them open.

She shivers and I know she's holding out on me. "You are spoiling my fun," I whisper against her pounding sex. "I know how it is to be up there and I know for sure that you more than like it when I grind against your tongue. Move baby… take what you want… I am more than willing to give it."

I move my hands down on her buttocks again, my thumbs on her hipbones and help her setting a slow pace but movement at all. My own body is in full overdrive and she won't need to touch me. Slowly I work my tongue inside her and she goes rigid for a moment before she starts swaying back and forth. We both moan at the same time, her head sinks back and I know she closes her eyes. I am so proud she has last that long looking at me. I reconnect my thumbs with her nipples.

I am skyrocking into climax and the moment her body convulse forward I let myself go. Her deep and long moan makes it even more intense. I feel her arousal dripping down my chin, running along my neck into my nape and hair-ends. A totally mess but I couldn't care lesser, wrapping my arms around her, giving her time to recover. She supports herself hard against the headboard, her arms stretched out at the full length, her bi and triceps clenching under the effort. I clearly see the veins at her neck pulsating and she does those little jerks, marking her aftershocks.

Before I turn to my side I wipe my face in a fluid motion on the pillow, placing my hands on her cheeks I pull her in for a long and gentle kiss, scooting on top of her. Her hands move to my shoulder blades, holding me in place, deepening the kiss.

"How about we get something for breakfast," I move my hip once against her and drop my voice into a sultry whisper. "Maybe we can blemish some spots in the kitchen before I want to make love in the surf."

"Are you trying to kill me, Maura?" She whispers back.

"Of course not, that would be counterproductive. I need you very much alive and in shape. How are we about to make it through three or more weeks of honeymoon if we are out of practice?"

"It must be very hard to be you," she laughs.

"I never hear you complain," I answer giggling as she turn us and bites playfully but without pressure into my left nipple.

"Why should I complain? Having the sexiest genius alive naked in bed has some kind of benefits." As she kisses the spot under my ear it is clear as the day outside that breakfast would be rescheduled to… much later.

"Mhhh. That feels amazing. Keep doing that, baby," I moan, sensing her kisses all over my neck, slow and gentle. My fingertips are playing with her hair, caressing her right calve with the bottom of my left foot.

"If that isn't a proof of love," I whisper.

Jane turns her face. "Huh?" Confusion.

I giggle softly before I answer. "Jane Rizzoli choosing to spent her morning between my legs over food."

Her lips are pressing against my ear. "If that didn't sound so damn sexy from your mouth I would've been offended," she breathes hot. "Spending time between your legs doesn't mean that there isn't something I could eat."

Sucking a breath in, sharply, I roll my hip against her.  _Well played Rizzoli._  Damn, it is sexy when she is this kind of blunt and this game is the only one I am willing to lose, but I am not going down without a fight.

I take a deep breath. "I suggest you stop talking then and put your mouth to a better use," I groan directly into her ear.

For the next minute I am stunned into silence, even my brain has stopped all functions. She skipped every part between my ear and my sex and I couldn't even draw a breath as she starts her ministration. Never dare Jane Rizzoli if you can't stand what you get in return. I think I am going to learn that lesson, live and in any kind of colors.

I need every ounce of self-control not to drown in the bliss of her talented tongue. After all I started something I am willing to perfect, despite that she has the ability to let me forget my own name. My nails are tingling her scalp and I arch my upper body.

"Jane," I moan lowly. Wondering if the effect, of using her name has the same on her that it has on me when she's calling mine. Every time she pleas a silently 'Maura' into my ear it feels like I'm going to explode. It makes me loving my name to hear it falling from her lips the way it does. It sounds like the most beautiful word in the world, a declaration of love in five letters.

"Jane," I breath another time, a tad deeper and rougher. "Nnnnnnnnnh… God baby," I nearly choke on my own saliva feeling her entering me with the tip of her tongue and before I can wrap my head around it she switches places.

I grab her tighter. I sense my orgasm building up much too fast and I'm mentally preparing myself for her sending me flying high. Which doesn't happen. Before I can fall over the edge she slows down to nearly stopping and draws lightly along my labia majora. Let me calm down before she closes her lips again around my clit, softly sucking and using lightly pressure of her tongue.

"Jane," I moan again, grabbing her shoulders hard with my fingers. She again slows down and starts spreading kisses all over my legs and hips. Extending them up my abdomen I grab hard into her hair as a result of the violently jerk when she suddenly lightly closes her teeth around my left nipple.

"You are going to make me beg, aren't you, Detective." It's more of a statement than a question as I notice that she won't stay long enough in a place to release me.

I feel her breath next to my ear and it makes me shivering, instantly. "Maybe… we should extend our practice." She whispers so low and raw that it causes goose bumps all over my body. "We not only need to work on stamina… if you can't hold your horses Dr. Isles, tell me how I am able to realize my plan…," her voice is getting rougher with each word and I am starting to shake lightly. "The moment we close the door of our bedroom you are mine, at least for the next twenty-four hours and I plan on memorizing every single, sexy inch of the ravishing beauty I call my wife."

My hips buckle against her, once. Her voice in collaboration with Jane referencing me as her wife does unexpected but beautiful things to me. I moan and convulse underneath her before she whispers again.

"Not so fast, love." She caresses along my hairline around my face. "Do you remember our first night?"

"Oh god," I moan, shivering. "How is that… helpful… to slow me down," I stutter. "And how… is it… possible…to… to forget…the best day… day of my life."

"Simple… as much as I would want to take all of that credit… there was a lot of pent-up tension between us."

In moments like this I really could get furious with her. Being so sensitive and making me feel so intensive and then go all 'Jane Rizzoli' and smash it to the floor. I want to be furious, but I can't.

I wrap my legs around and peg her to me.

"Now missy, you are going to listen to me very closely! If I didn't love you so much and if I didn't know that you are always insecure, deep down, I would kick you out of bed, right this instant." She opens her mouth but my look must have convinced her to remain silent.

"Looking very closely at it, you just insinuated that I am faking. You just accused me of lying or that I am incapable to interpret my own feelings and I don't know which is worse. Our first night together was perfect, in any meaning of that word but right now I wish we had waited to finally sleep with each other and that makes me sad. It makes me sad that you obviously think that I was just horny.

Right now I really want to tell you that you are immature and that it would probably the best we take some steps back from that wedding and that you should grow up before we even think about having a baby, but that would only be my temper talking."

I take her face in both of my hands. "I love you Jane. I am in love with you and each second I spend with you I fall harder." I drop my voice down to just above a whisper.

"Yes, I remember exactly how often you made me come that night but it never mattered that they were so intense, it only mattered why they were so intense. You touched my soul, you touched my heart. Each kiss we shared healed one of my emotional scars, every touch of you made me feel like the person I always wanted but never could be.

You made me strong and brave and confident. You gave me back hope and trust that this world has more to offer, that I scared all those people away because they were to blind to really look at me, that I am not the stone-cold bitch they called me. You taught me that love doesn't mean that you always get hurt."

I kiss her with as much love and passion I can muster. "And now I want you to tell me again that I am faking. That anytime my whole body shivers when your lips touch my skin I am exaggerating. That anytime my stomach flutters when I think about you I am overacting. That it is my imagination telling me that your body reacts to my touches like mine does to yours. Look into my eyes and say it's a lie that I feel you in each fibre of me."

I lock our glances and stare at her, she doesn't say anything but I see the tears trying to push past. "Yeah, I thought so," I whisper. "Jane… you need to let me love you like you love me. You don't have to earn my love, you only have to take it. I want you to take it, you deserve nothing less than any other human being, nothing less than I."

I kiss her again, gentle and slow this time. "I never asked for much and I ask for nothing as just to let me love you and for you to love me. You… we did amazing and I know we can master anything together. I am here and I am not going anywhere without you. I need you like I need air to breath."

Playing with the hairline at her nape I kiss her once more softly. "I wish I knew how to take away all of your fears around me. I know it is the idea of our wedding bringing everything to the surface again. I know you love me with everything you are and deep down you know very well I love you equally. You only have to let me love you."

I wrap my arm around her and pull her closer, even if that not possible anymore. "I will tell you any time of the day that you are worth everything and more anyone could ever give me.

Money causes a fuck. It can buy me a bed but no dreams. It can buy me a watch but no time. It can buy me medicines but no health. It can buy me a position but no respect. It can buy me sex but no love.

You think there is someone out there who could love me more than you do? Maybe! But I never could love anyone more than I love you because there is no place left untouched by you in my heart.

You think there is someone out there who could fit me better? Maybe! But I'm not willing to fit into someone else because we never try but we fit perfectly.

You think there is someone out there who could provide me a family better than you? No! The family you gave me is where I belong to and nothing is going to change that.

You think there is someone out there who could provide me children better than you? Yes! It's a biological certainty that there are billions of men out there who could easily impregnate me but that's not how it works. The moment I conceive I see myself in a bubble of love and safety, desired and worshiped and the only one I want to be a part of it is you. No one else!

I imagine you and I, maybe the bed or a blanket or just the carpet in front of the fireplace, no disturbance and endless hours of love and affection. The only thing that really matter is that you are there with me.

I don't want a baby because someone just knocked me up or my eggs got fertilized with someone's sperm. I want to look at our child and remember always how you loved me that night. How you made me sweat and pray and moan. How the idea of creating new life with you made my climax so much more intense. How it felt to have you in my arms, shivering under the power of emotions. How we stayed awake until sunrise, exchanging caresses and kisses, wrapped up in each other."

Another long and tender kiss before I take her hands and place them both fully onto my breasts. "And I will tell you as long as it takes that it is more than desired for you to touch me, for you to leer at me, for your thoughts and fantasies to be lustful and voluptuous. As long as it takes for you, to not be ashamed of desiring me, anymore. I love and I want you and I want you to not being able to resist me, to want me as much as I do you."

I turn us around and capture her lips in another kiss. "Love me Jane," I whisper. "Love me like it is the last time." I drop my voice even more. "There is no room for regrets and second thoughts. Love me like tomorrow never comes, each and every day."

 **Thanks for reading!**  

**Have a nice day 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	35. Is it poorly to think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

 

**_I turn us around and capture her lips in another kiss. "Love me Jane," I whisper. "Love me like it is the last time." I drop my voice even more. "There is no room for regrets and second thoughts. Love me like tomorrow never comes, each and every day."_ **

Jane's POV

"I wish I knew how to take away all of your fears around me. I know it is the idea of our wedding bringing everything to the surface again. I know you love me with everything you are and deep down you know very well I love you equally. You only have to let me love you."

I wish. Sometimes I look at her and it crushes me full force. She is so far out of my league that it seems almost funny. I know she loves me but sometimes love isn't just enough.

"I will tell you any time of the day that you are worth everything and more anyone could ever give me.

Money causes a fuck. It can buy me a bed but no dreams. It can buy me a watch but no time. It can buy me medicines but no health. It can buy me a position but no respect. It can buy me sex but no love.

You think there is someone out there who could love me more than you do? Maybe! But I never could love anyone more than I love you because there is no place left untouched by you in my heart.

You think there is someone out there who could fit me better? Maybe! But I'm not willing to fit into someone else because we never try but we fit perfectly.

You think there is someone out there who could provide me a family better than you? No! The family you gave me is where I belong to and nothing is going to change that.

You think there is someone out there who could provide me children better than you? Yes! It's a biological certainty that there are billions of men out there who could easily impregnate me but that's not how it works. The moment I conceive I see myself in a bubble of love and safety, desired and worshiped and the only one I want to be a part of it is you. No one else!

I imagine you and I, maybe the bed or a blanket or just the carpet in front of the fireplace, no disturbance and endless hours of love and affection. The only thing that really matter is that you are there with me.

I don't want a baby because someone just knocked me up or my eggs got fertilized with someone's sperm. I want to look at our child and remember always how you loved me that night. How you made me sweat and pray and moan. How the idea of creating new life with you made my climax so much more intense. How it felt to have you in my arms, shivering under the power of emotions. How we stayed awake until sunrise, exchanging caresses and kisses, wrapped up in each other."

The picture made it immediately into my head. The faint shade of sweat glistening in the light of the fire, tasting the salt of her skin on my tongue. Her body arches against mine, wreathing underneath me. I feel her hard nipples against the scars on my palms. Wait…that's not imagined.

"And I will tell you as long as it takes that it is more than desired for you to touch me, for you to leer at me, for your thoughts and fantasies to be lustful and voluptuous. As long as it takes for you, to not be ashamed of desiring me, anymore. I love and I want you and I want you to not being able to resist me, to want me as much as I do you."

As I am able to resist her… There is a big and fat lump down my throat which I will be swallowing for some days. It was nothing but a misunderstanding, I meant to say that it would be so much pleasurable for her… and it ended up hurting her. Sometimes I am a real idiot. I want to apologise.

She presses her finger to my lips before even a single peep leaves my throat.

"Love me Jane," she whispers. "Love me like it is the last time." I barely can hear her. "There is no room for regrets and second thoughts. Love me like tomorrow never comes, each and every day."

She shifts on top of me and I feel her soft thigh taking place between mine, simultaneous I sense her still wet sex finding a new home on my leg, just underneath my right hip. I remember her awakening me in this very same position in the middle of the night but this time I am not going to turn us.

Not being much of a morning person I was surprised how little it bothered me to discover that Maura would sometimes wake up way before dawn, all hot and wet. The first time it happened she didn't intend to wake me. Her being my little spoon, I woke up to feel her squirm in my embrace. My hand was on her lower stomach, just above her pubis, her index and middle finger rubbing over my skin from the tip of my fingers up to my wrist.

It wasn't a light touch at all and I don't know if she even sensed what she was doing. Her skull was pressed hard to my shoulder and her breath was heavy. For a moment I thought she was having a nightmare.

_"Maura?" I felt her startling at my voice and a little moan escaped her lips which turned louder as I pressed my hand firmer to her skin. I knew immediately that she didn't have a bad dream._

_"What do you need?" I asked hoarsely directly next to her ear, the recognising of her tensing and relaxing her pelvis muscles tuned me on in an instant._

_She turned her head until her nose touched mine. "I need you to love me…now," she pressed past her lips._

It was barely into our first week as a couple and as I topped her she apologised for waking me up. She told me how much willpower it has cost her to not touch herself with me being there. Me myself not being one to ask for much I ensured her that it was never a bad time to speak her mind and that I would do anything she needed.

Our second time ended up in scaring me to death as I heard a screaming 'Oh my God' from the bathroom. She avoided my glance as I bolted in there and the next use of the Lords name was falling from my lips. It never came to my mind what really had happened.

_I stared down to my left hand. "Maura…,"I stammered. "I… did… did I hurt you?"_

_She didn't answer and she didn't look at me. She just stood in front of the large mirror. I fell to my knees behind her and pressed my face to her lower back as tears began to wet her skin there._

_"No," she whispered nearly inaudible. "I am sorry."_

_She just moved over to the shower and turned the water on. Leaving me totally confused._

_"Honey I am sorry. I don't know what happened. I didn't know I was hurting you."_

_"You didn't," her voice was icy, confusing me even more._

_"Maura… that's definitively blood and not some redish-brown stain…"_

_"Yes it is," Dr. Isles speaking. Confusion… all over the place. Then it hit me like a truck. I washed my hands quickly before I walked over to the shower._

_She shivered as I closed my arms around her and kissed her shoulder. "Maura come on talk to me, honey." That's when I felt her body shake lightly. "Are you crying? No honey, don't cry. There is nothing to cry about."_

_"Look who's talking," she murmured._

_"What… Maura… I thought I did hurt you. You could've told me so I wouldn't have to worry." My arms around her loosen. "You know what? If you are done being ice-bitch, come and find me."_

_I was about to exit the shower as she grabbed my wrist. "I am sorry. I… I… I am embarrassed. I am early. The penetration must have triggered…"_

_I knew a rambling about how and why was following and it didn't matter anything, so I stopped her with a kiss._

_"You scared me," I whispered against her lips. "You scared the hell out of me because I couldn't connect… I thought I was gentle and then I saw blood…"_

_This time Maura stopped me, kissing. "It's my fault and I am sorry. You were nothing but gentle but I didn't think about the possibility. My sex drive increases extremely two or three days before, like my craving for chocolate and it's possible that contractions can trigger the hemorrhage."_

I was pulled back to here as her lips connected to mine. I move my hands down to her small, cute-as-hell butt and pull her a little closer to me.

"I am sorry for being such an ass sometimes. You deserve nothing less than to be loved unconditionally. I promise to work for it, at it, at me."

"You are my ass, detective," she whispers against my lips. "And I really love my ass," she giggles. "You made the two most important promises to me already some time ago and there is no need to beat yourself up over this. We are going to work for this together."

Her tongue caresses over my lower lip before she lightly nipped at it. She kisses along my jaw up to my right ear. She presses her hips down and moans low but long.

"You like that, don't you? " She knows very well that I more than like it but I nod anyway. "You like it when I talk to you, too," she whispers.

"Yes I do." My voice is hoarse and raw and I also know the effect it has on her.

"And you like it when I encourage you, when I curse, when I ask you to fuck me."

"Yes," I hiss through my teeth, her words working their own way to my veins. Her right hand comes up to my face and she presses against it.

"Mhhh…I know," she hums. "But that's not what I want right now. I want what only you can give me." She kisses back down my jaw to my lips. "I want to burn up under your soft touches." A kiss to my lips. "I want to melt under your gentle kisses." Another one. " I want to go crazy under the sweet torture of going slow." Another kiss, this time longer than before.

"That's my favourite Jane. Every single one, of us making sweet and slow and tender love. I know you are going to laugh but I was so nervous about not being able to satisfy you. I know exactly how you feel but I don't understand it. I could never ever let someone, beside you, touch me. I am devoted with my body and soul to you."

We share loving but deep and long kisses. I caress up and down her sides, barely touching her. Both of her hands are on my face, her fingertips resting against my skull, buried in my hair. Here and there she rolls her hip against me, holding both of our aroused state up to a constant level.

We take turns in exploring each other, caressing and kissing every inch of skin above the waistline, on both, back and front sides. The bed is a total mess. Sheets are tangled and not even nearly in the right place. Cushions are wrinkled and crushed, lying everywhere on the bed and floor. The comforter went somewhere unknown between rolling and turning and switching places. Maura's body is like a wonderland to me, each and every time it feels like the first time, so much to explore and discover, so much to love and worship.

In moments like this I truly know that only death can part us. I know she can't lie and her whispers of love are like an anesthetic to my nerves and thoughts. She grounds her hips down on my leg, back in our primary position, kissing her neck. She moans deep and I can feel her swallowing.

"Nnnnnnnh… baby I can't hold it much longer," she pants into my ear.

I can feel every letter burning into my skin.

"You don't have to," I whisper back, having trouble to concentrate to anything but her skin on mine.

"I want to," the last part presses with a long moan from her lips.

"But I can't stop Jane and I can't slow down any further either." Her hot breath comes in rapid waves against the right side of my face.

"You know we don't have to stop…"

"Yes… oh God, baby… I know…, I know." She pushes herself up on her hands, mine are flat on her shoulder blades. Her upper body is performing a perfect bow, her face the furthest from mine. Having just here and there moved back and forth or used pressure she now picks up the pace a little, now unbridled riding my leg.

Each and every time it is the most beautiful thing in the world to look at. Maura right before climax.

I am close too and so I pull my leg a bit, bringing the bottom of my foot down to the mattress, pressing harder into Maura. I feel her whole body buckle at the contact. I know I am going to beat her, flying high, because of the sight above me.

I lift my head, my mouth pressing against her larynx, counting, waiting for the last second.

"Come with me beauty," I moan against her throat before my whole body convulses, taking her with me.

I move my hands, cupping her buttocks. Pressing her down, enjoying every violent twitch of her muscles, while she revels every last bit of her orgasm, carrying mine along.

Maura sinks back down on me, her breathes coming in hard strokes. I kiss her right shoulder before I steal myself away from underneath her, lowering down onto her backside. Softly I kiss and caress every inch of skin, now and then she twitches hard. She hums in approval.

"I love you sweet girl," I whisper close to her ear. "So much that it hurts sometimes."

That isn't something you answer to. And she doesn't. She turns her head and kisses the tip of my nose, taking my left in hers and pushes them underneath her body, onto the place her heartbeat can be felt on her skin.

We just lie there for what seems like an eternity. Skin on skin, back to front, feet caressing the counterparts from time to time, fingers intertwined, breathes in sync, same for heartbeats, lips and noses touching but not moving at all.

"Sometimes there is an odd sense of sadness. However close you are to me, it never seems close enough," Maura whispers suddenly and I know what she's talking about. It's like an insatiable thirst or hunger.

"I wish I could chase it away. I don't want to be sad, because I am not. I couldn't be any happier but I can't make it disappear. In moments like this I am not sure if I am able to ever share you."

She moves her nose along mine. "Is it poorly to think about all the changes a child would bring to our relationship, to our intimacy?"

"I don't know Maura. I've thought about it and a part of me felt badly but the other didn't. Maybe we should talk to my mother, she's probably 'the expert'."

I fell for a moment into silence. "You know although she was always so deeply religious, we grow up rather freely, at least at home. I can't say that about school. My parents both never made a big deal about borders or secrets. We often shared bathes with my parents as small kids, mostly with my father. There were Sundays when we all would sit around the breakfast table in nothing but underwear and a tee, even Ma would jump around in nothing but a negligee. Maybe not the sexiest one, but just lazy.

We were all okay around each other, no big deal until school ruined that for me. I lost count of how often I was punished for inappropriate behaviour, just because I disrobed my sweater to not get it dirty while playing ball. I had to write 'It doesn't befits a lady to show off herself in public' a thousand times and got suspended from school for five days in second grade because some mean girls pushed me into the hallway of the gym in my underwear and bared the door. Sister Mary Ann called me 'spawn of the devil' and a 'siren', she always said I would bring nothing but trouble and perdition."

I can feel Maura swallow. "I was always grateful for my parents being so lovely with each other, deep down of course, because we had to pretend we were close to vomiting when they kissed or goofed around. I don't want to hide that I love you, how much I love you and that can't be bad for children, can it?"

Maura opens her eyes. "As long as we both are on the same page it doesn't matter what others think of us, Jane. It's just that I feel awful when I think of a possible child as an intruder. I don't want to think like that, but I never had to share anything and I am afraid of what will happen if I will become jealous. That's ridiculous, isn't it?"

"Your feelings are never ridiculous. When we come home we will have a nice all-girls-night with Ma and we will talk to her. I am sure she'll be all over the roof to meddle with that kind of topic. But for now I would like to enjoy having my really sexy fiancé all to myself a little longer." I wiggled my nose into her hair.

"I would love that very much, too." I sense her relaxing underneath me and half an hour later we not so willingly leave the bed for some necessary needs to fulfil and decide to take breakfast down to the lagoon. We spend the rest of our day very undressed, very close and very affectionate with each other in the clear blue water and on the warm white beach.

I love seeing Maura this carefree and unbridled, playful and happy like a child. I enjoy kissing and caressing for hours without having to think about interrupting phone calls to crime scenes or family members walking in and out of our house like it's Logan Airport. Making out like lovesick teenagers without to fear of getting caught. Forgetting about every rule about appropriateness and I totally love her increasing amount of freckles all over her body the longer we stay out in the warmth.

But like anything good our week comes to a much too fast approaching end on Friday afternoon as our plane touches down in Boston again.

 **Thanks for reading!**  

**Have a nice day 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	36. Don't hate the player

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

 

_**But like anything good our week comes to a much too fast approaching end on Friday afternoon as our plane touches down in Boston again.** _

After unpacking their stuff and taking a long and hot shower together Jane got her plan going and went out to buy a family-pizza and frozen yogurt and texted her mother to come over as soon as she was back from work.

Jane had informed her mother about their girls-night as well as about the fact that they had some important questions for her and Angela was overly exited as she shut down the shower and dried herself. She settled for a comfortable pajama, as it would be a night on the couch with her two girls.

She found both of them on said couch already, Maura in a dark blue silk pajama and Jane in her usual BDP shirt and light grey sweatpants. The blonde doctor had her head on her daughters left shoulder and Jane index was absentmindedly drawing patterns on Maura's chest, where her top was left open for two buttons. The fact that she was fisting Jane's shirt at level of her stomach let Angela smile for some spare seconds and she thought about retreating back to the guesthouse.

She walked back the few steps and opened the door just to let it fall back close again, loudly. Giving them a start ahead she briefly knocked and opened the backdoor to the main house.

"Sorry girls, the doorknob slipped through my fingers," she smiled at them. "How about some hot chocolate?"

"Sounds great Ma, we have pizza for dinner if that's okay," Jane answered getting up from her spot and walked over to the kitchen, grabbing some plates and handing cups to her mother.

As she sat down between them she rubbed her hand over both their knees. "So… you two would like to talk with me?"

"Gee Ma… right go like a bull at a gate, let's have just a nice evening."

Getting the evening going with 'Something's Gotta Give', a movie Jane was sure was just her mother's thing, they shared pizza and laughs and Angela enjoyed her time sitting between her girls.

They took a break, the movie near the middle of it and Jane stood from the couch and walked over to the freezer, grabbing the cans of frozen yogurt while Maura went for the bathroom.

"You want some wine, Ma?" Grabbing a glass for Maura, she also got a beer for herself and took it along with the wine bottle and another glass for her mother with her.

As the credits started to roll Angela took another chance to get them to speak.

Jane looked over to Maura. "Ma I swear to God if you start to go crazy about it we are done."

The M.E. pulled the attention away from Jane as she started to speak. "Well… we have discovered some difficulties about a particular subject which could have some major effects in sense of our future."

Angela looked blankly forth and back between her daughter and her future daughter-in-law.

"Aww… for the love of God, get it out already."

"Ma…," Jane glanced at her mother. "Let Maura get comfortable, it's not easy to ask such questions."

"Come on girls, you know you can talk about anything with me."

"Jane and I… we… we talked about children," both of them sensed the sharp intake of breath the Rizzoli matriarch did and waited for her normally squeal along that topic, but nothing happened.

"Okay Ma… I just go for it. Is it… I don't know… common to think about all the changes…especially the negative ones?"

"Which are exactly…?"

"As a matter of fact I am afraid that it will affect our relationship with each other."

Angela laughed. "Of course it will." She looked at them both.

"A child, especially when it's born into a healthy and strong relationship, in mutual agreement, is the crowning of your love. It will make you both even stronger and bring you even closer together. There is these small human being brought into this world with nothing less than your deep love for each other.

But I am not going to talk it all smooth and pretty. A child means work and compromises, nights at the edge of insanity and a lot of sorrows and fears. There will be tears and disagreements and frustration, especially when you get back to being intimate and a piercing cry gets a full force stop to any thought about romantic. But that's a matter of weeks or month, it depends on how independent you are going to raise your baby from the first day and after that you come back even stronger.

Me myself I made the mistake to cling too hard to you, Jane. I didn't want you to sleep all alone in the nursery and you stayed with us in the bedroom, which ended up that your father slept on the couch for nearly every night in nine month. As Frankie junior was born I had to learn that I am not a bad mother to take time for me, for us, as a couple. Yes, I was a mother but that didn't mean I wasn't a woman or the wife of someone anymore.

That's what you wanted to talk about, I am right? You are afraid that your love and life and your love-life comes to a halt. Don't be afraid, maybe it isn't every night after the baby but there will be time to be intimate and it possibly will be so much better, because you learn to enjoy and cherish your time for each other."

Angela laughed again. "And believe me it doesn't make you a bad person to wish your child to hell for a split second the moment you are so close to orgasm and you hear those loud footsteps in the hallway."

Jane made a face at the fleeting thought of her parents having sex.

Angela took a hand of each woman and placed it onto her lap. "You are not alone in this when you decide to become parents. We may not have survived as a couple but that was long after any of our children were grown up. You are so great with each other, don't let fear stop you to go for what you want."

She kissed both of their hands. "I am going to leave you to work on my grandchildren. Night girls."

Jane growled. "Ma…," Angela opened the back door, laughing. "It's so easy to get you going, Janie." She winked at Maura. "You can ask me whatever questions you have," and with that the door was closed.

They both sat in silence.

"Wasn't that supposed to help?" Jane asked.

"It did… as our question got answered." Maura crawled over and came to sit on Jane's lap. "For the rest… I never thought it would be an ongoing party… to raise a child means a lot of responsibility."

She caught both of the Italians hands in hers and kissed them. "Maybe we should put the baby-talk to a rest for some time and right now I would like to pick up your mother advice and get some practice going," she whispered while leaning in for a kiss.

R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I

Angela was preparing a snack while Jane and Maura sat on the couch watching a recap of the Pilgrims game from the night before. They had slept in. Waking up at ten a.m. was considered as sleeping in, back in Boston and they even had a late breakfast in bed.

"Chimpanzees do that," Maura stated.

"Do what?"

"Grab their crotches. It's a sign of aggression," she balled a fist to emphasize her statement.

"Man, that Mega Vega sure can hit."

"Mega stands for molecular evolutionary genetics analysis. He is quite a male specimen."

"Mega focus. Mega power. Drink my Mega-Ade to win every time." The TV spot blared from the speakers.  
"I'd love to Mega him" Maura laughed and Jane had to grin. Insecurities, from pillar to post, they shared such a deep connection that sexual comments about other people were just amusements. Nothing else!

"Oh, hey. Language! My mother's here," Jane laughed.

Angela sat down beside Jane laughing. "You should hear us when you're not around policing us. He's a hunk."

"Hunk? Mmm. Okay. Officially throwing up in my mouth." They all giggled. "Should I be worried that my mother and my future-wife are daydreaming about Hunks while I am not at home?"

Maura grabbed Jane's thigh high and squeezed it.

"No… Jo Friday, stop licking."

"Oh, don't yell at her," Angela pleaded.

"That's not yelling." The dog didn't stop licking her pawns. "Stop licking! That's yelling."

"Speaking of a kiss goodbye. Co-owners no more. Phil Young announced today that he controls the Pilgrims. Must be pretty upsetting for the ex-wife, Gina." The reporters mused.

"That's too bad."

"Well, at least they're fighting over a baseball team. My parents are fighting over the snow shovel," Jane earned a glare from Maura and her mother.

The backdoor opened and Jane was baffled for some seconds. "Oh, my God. Tommy."

"I forgot to tell you he was coming home," Angela jumped as Jane stood and looked between her brother and her mother.

"You forgot to tell me?" She motioned to Maura. "Did you forget, too?"

She wrapped her brother into her arms. "Thanks for your letters. They really kept me going."

"I was looking for you three months ago."

"Yeah. I got in a little fight in the yard. They threw me back in, so"

"Yeah, well, let's not screw up your early release, okay? Fresh start, yeah?"

"Dr. Isles, I tightened up the flush valve in the guest house."

"Thank you. Please let me pay you."

"No, not a chance. I mean, it's the least I can do, you know? All you're doing for me."

The smile vanished from Jane's face and she walked over to Maura. "All you're doing for him?"

"He's just visiting your mother."

"Visiting means dropping by and then leaving. When's he leaving?"

"Jane, he's gonna be in violation of his probation without a permanent address."

"So the visit is permanent."

"Temporarily."

"The only thing that Tommy does 'temporarily' is staying out of trouble. And again, you did it without talking to me."

"Jane, I know you. You're conflicted, you want to help him, but you're afraid that anything you do will be interpreted as a sign of approval."

"My little brother is a screw-up, Maura, a completely lovable screw-up, felon."

"The recidivism rate for non-violent offenders is higher than for violent. It's 46% to 39%."

"So I'm thinking this isn't a good idea."

"He's family and I'm doing this for your mother. You know, he's made some bad choices, but that doesn't make him a bad person."

"Oh, yeah, right. He did fix the flush valve. Maura… ah screw it, don't say I didn't warn you."

"She's licking her paws, they're real red," Tommy picked Jo Friday up.

"Yeah. I know. I know." Jane watched both her brother and mother, shaking her head, thinking of every possibility that could

happen as Maura's phone ringed.

"This is Dr. Isles." She paused to listen. "Okay, if the division detectives have signed off, I will authorize the removal of the body. Thank you."

She looked at Jane and motioned to the TV. "Fatal slip and fall at the Pilgrims' locker room."

"That's weird, they're not reporting it. Mm. Let's go. I've never been to the Pilgrims' stadium, and their locker room is closer than our couch." She slapped Maura's backside lightly. "Come on."

"Well, I've always wanted to see them, without their uniforms." Jane rolled her eyes shook her head, while smiling. "Maura!"

Maura dialled dispatch. "This is Dr. Isles again. Uh, hold the body at the scene. I'm coming in." "Thank you."

"Um, I know you are busy,… you know, if you want, I can take your dog to the vet."

"No, your only job is… is just stay out of trouble, okay? Bye, ma."

"Bye, baby."

The first five minutes of the drive over to the stadium were made in silence.

"Look Jane I am sorry I didn't tell you. Your mother texted me on our way to Florida and she told me Tommy wanted to surprise you."

"You know I am grateful that you come along so well with my family and I know you were forced to make your own decisions mostly in your life but at least it would have been nice if you had told me, about my mother and about Tommy."

Maura grabbed Jane's thigh. "I am sorry baby. I made a decision, without you and in knowledge that it is possible that you are not okay with it, but I thought that maybe when he's there you would be happy."

"I am happy…somehow. Look honey… I know my brother. He used to drink too much and to tag along with the wrong people. He used to think he can do whatever he wants because my parents missed to teach him consequences. It was always my fault when he did something wrong, because I was the big sister and it was my duty to look after them, outside."

"I don't want it to stand between us. As soon as we come home I will talk to him, maybe we can find him a place to stay, outside of our home."

"No Maura, it's fine. I only pray this will not go downhill." She padded the blonde's hand, resting on her own leg.

They arrived in Cambridge at the stadium, belonging to Harvard University, serving as a home for the Boston Pilgrim Baseball Team.

"Body's in the shower, Dr. Isles."

"It's nice to see you, detective Merck."

"Actually, it's chief Merck now."

"Of course. Congratulations."

"Thank you." "What brings you out, Rizzoli?"

"Just tagging along. Look at you. You retire, land the plum job, chief of security for the Pilgrims."

"Yeah, it's a long way from working those late nights in homicide. Hey, listen, while you're here, we treat Boston's finest to a couple of tickets on the first-base line."

"I've only sat in the nosebleeds on police-appreciation day… thanks. What's this look like to you?"

"Uh, it's pretty sad. It's a poor fella on our coaching staff. Slipped and fell in the shower this morning. Team's pretty shook up about it."

"Oh, the coaching staff? That's awful."

"Yeah. Hey, listen. Why don't you go out and enjoy the game? I'll walk her through this, and I'll have her out by the bottom of the first."

"Well, if it's okay with you, I'm gonna, uh, wait here for Dr. Isles, all right?"

"Uh, yeah, all right. Sure. Let me, uh… let me go check on her, all right?

Jane stood there and watched pretty stunned some of the player going through their rituals.

"I guess we must look pretty strange."

"Well, does he always puke before a game?"

"Yeah, yeah. Baseball players are really superstitious. Part of his ritual." He took off his base cap and offered his hand. "I'm Jesse Wade."

"Detective Jane Rizzoli. And I know who you are. Uh, rookie of the year when you came into the bigs, two-time all-star."

"Impressive. Most women only know the superstar, Mr. Mega Vega."

"Well, confession… I'm a big Red Sox fan… but, you know, maybe you guys can convert me."

"Yeah. Maybe."

"Man, you better move and get out of my way." One of the player shoved Vega.

"Man, you shouldn't even have a locker, the way you're hitting." Vega answered angrily.

"All right."

"Is that part of his ritual, too?" Jane asked Jesse.

"No. The Dead guy in the shower's got everybody spooked." He pulled out a card of his pocket and stuck it into Jane's hand. "Oh. Call me. Wouldn't mind being interrogated by you."

"Heard that line, like, four million times."

"You call me, and, uh, I'll think of a new one. All right."

Jane walked over looking for Maura. "What's a coach doing in the players' showers?"

"Coaches, players, managers all have access to the gym and the showers."

"What time did he come in?"

"The records shows 6 a.m."

Maura sighed and got Jane attention immediately. "What is it?"

The blonde M.E. seemed to be tensely to her partner. "I'm not sure," she breathed.

"It's a slip and fall. Can we just get him out of here?" Merck was becoming angry with the both women.

"His body's already in advanced rigor."

"That's very simple… the hot water was running when the cleaning lady found him."

"Hot water does accelerate it. It's this radiating circular skull fracture consistent with a hard impact, and this…a second compression fracture to the occiput," Maura explained while showing both of the injuries to his skull.

"Two skull fractures? How? He fell once."

"Well, he slipped, cracked his head on the shower handle, hit the floor." Merck bit back.

Jane kneeled down and looked at her fiancé. "That's not what you're thinking, is it?"

It wasn't and to confirm her suspicion she measured the wounds and the handle. "The gash is wider than the shower handle. Something else struck his skull."

"A weapon? Wh.. you got to use your best guess. If there's any chance this was a murder…," Merck jumped in immediately. "…murder?! Rizzoli, what the hell? There's no murder here."

Jane looked over to Maura. "Is it a suspicious death? What does your gut say?"

"I don't listen to my intestines."

"Maura." That wasn't her typical tone like anytime the M.E was overstretching her patience, this was a serious one.

The blonde doctor hesitated a moment, fully aware of the fact that a hasty decision could end badly, in both ways. "I'm declaring the manner of this death suspicious pending further investigation…"

"…by the homicide unit," Jane finished Maura's sentence. "Take your V.I.P. Seats. Boston homicide sits in the nosebleeds." She pushed the two tickets back to Merck and walked out to inform dispatch.

Maura still kneeling beside the victim, thought about how they always managed to get pulled into cases like this. They were just back from their trip to Florida and supposed to be at home on the couch, snuggling. Yes, she was informed by dispatch that the covering M.E. had called in sick and that she probably would be called in. But this case already smelled a lot like the ones that had caused them to spend a night apart from each other, smelling like trouble.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you still off for the weekend?" Jane's former partner wondered aloud as he came into the locker room. "What's going on? I'm missing the game," Korsak announced as he walked up to Jane.

"Yeah, so is he." Jane motioned over to the victim.

"Oh, boy. That guy got hit by more than a pitch. What does Dr. Isles say?"

"Suspicious death. And their million-dollar lawyers won't let us touch anything until the warrant gets here. Victim's a member of the coaching staff."

Korsak walked over to the bench where the victim's clothes were placed. "Ron McKenna. I knew them all, right down to the bat boys. Never heard of this guy."

"Hey." Frost spoke up as he arrived in the shower, Frankie right beside him.

"Hey, you get it all?" Jane asked.

Frost pulled out a folded sheet of paper. "Judge Polk gave you the locker room, but he won't give you the stadium."

"I'm not surprised. He probably called the governor. He's not gonna cancel this game. What about the… uh… dumpsters?"

"Judge said no."

"Fine. I'll type up another warrant and a find a judge who doesn't have Pilgrims box seats."

"Okay. Your retirement," Frost smiled.

"Merck the jerk. All he ever talked about was the Sox. When that job went to Celluci, he sold his soul to get this one." Korsak mused.

"He was in homicide 15 years. You think he did clean-up?"

"Let's find out."

"Here. You know the drill," Jane handed the warrant over to Merck.

"Uh, this is our house now. You can read that on the way out," Korsak added to one of the lawyers.

"Okay, I want all the dumpsters frozen. I want a man in front of every one of them," Jane ordered low voiced.

"Oh, come on… I got to dumpster dive through 40,000 hot dogs and blue shaved ice?" Frankie whined.

"Go! Before they empty it! If there's any evidence in there, we don't want to lose it." Korsak commanded while Jane just stared at her brother and Frankie knew there was nothing left to discuss. She stopped him still. "Hey, hey. Did you get my text about the Tommy surprise?"

"Yeah, why didn't Ma tell us?"

"Wh… At least she's not trying to throw him another "welcome home" party."

"Yeah, because he doesn't have one."

"Let's keep an eye on him, all right?"

While Maura stayed back to finish the crime scene Jane and Korsak went to speak with the team owner only to run into walls of silence. Nonetheless they get their chance for some answers as the out-ruled ex-wife showed up and so they learned about the real activity Ron was employed for. He was Manny Vega's sober coach.

Back in the shower room Maura informed Jane she would drive home to change and bring her some clothes along, before she signed the body off for her team to transport it back to the morgue.

One of the crime-tech's was about to bag the victims clothes.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait. These have never been worn. This is brand-new." She skimmed through the clothes.

"Backs of his shoes are wet. He was dragged into the shower with his clothes on," Korsak stated the fact.

"Not in these clothes," Jane motioned for them. "He didn't die in the showers. This whole thing was staged."

They walked slowly over into the locker room, looking out for any evidence. "Oh… hey…ho… up there, you see that." Jane pointed for a red spot above Vegas locker.

"Directional bloodspatter. Somebody swung away in here." Korsak turned his base-cap around and kneeled down, sniffing at the floor. "Smells like bleach."

Jane watched over to the TV, her face moving. "Somebody cleaned up a murder."

Jane walked down to the morgue. "Hey. What is 'Le Beau Truc'?"

"Five-star French restaurant. Brilliant nouveau take on escargot."

"Is this okay?" Jane motioned for her clothes.

"Are you out of your mind?" Maura nearly choked on her own saliva.

"What? I'm meeting Jesse Wade. He wants to do the interview there."

"At Le Beau Truc?"

"Yeah."

"Le booty call." Maura smirked.

"What did you just say?"

"I know." The M.E. opened her blazer and turned around. Looking over her shoulder she motioned to the back of her dress. "Unzip me."

Jane looked dumbstruck at the woman in front of her. The door was wide open and the blinds also. "Wh… why?"

"Because you can't go like that. We'll trade clothes. Come on." Maura wiggled her shoulder.

"Are you crazy? That dress wouldn't cover my… Booty," Jane motioned over her front.

Well as a matter of fact It didn't cover much of Jane and Maura had to hold her horses fairly hard. Jane on the other side was far from happy, not only she had to wear a dress, on the top of it, it had to be a pink one.

"It smells like a deco."

"Oh, men are not attracted to the smell of death." Maura reached for her perfume.

"Really?" She squirmed as Maura began to spray at her. "Okay, that's enough."

The doctor looked down at the lanky Italian. "Oh. Those boots are fashion homicide." She took of her own heels.

"No. No! Those shoes are foot homicide."

"Put them on." Maura held her shoes in front of Jane.

"They're too small." Jane whined, she took them nevertheless.

"Give them back."

"You just said 'put them on'!"

"Patience."

While Jane pulled off one of her boot and sock Maura came back from the morgue with her shoes and a scalpel. She started to cut her shoes open.

"What are you do…" Jane put her hand to her mouth in shock. "Maura!" Her fiancé didn't just cut her shoes open? Her shoes! The one thing Jane was sure Maura loved even more than her.

"Voilà. Peep toes."

Maura's broad smile made even Jane grinning like a child. "Thank you," the detective whispered nearly shy. Well if that wasn't a proof of love at all. Maura hat just cut one of her favourite pairs of heels for her. Which she knew for sure had cost $800, because she had tagged along as Maura had bought them.

"Oh. You look sexy," Maura stated with a nod of approval. Jane looked up and down the blonde. "You look… like… you're wearing my clothes." Although Maura could have wearing a garbage bag and still look sexy Jane was also still annoyed that Maura had made her wearing that pink dress.

Her phone ringed. "Hey Ma. Tommy. Why do you have Ma's phone? Okay. Calm down! Alright! Where are you? Okay, I'll be right..." She hangs up her phone and looked at her watch. "I've got 45 minutes." She grabbed Maura's hand. "Come with me. I'm gonna need back up."

"What? Jane, what did Tommy do? Jane! You have all the shoes!"

R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I

"These suck." Jane pulls off the heels immediately as they are through the door. "Ugh! And your dress is about as comfortable as a straitjacket."

"Yeah, and your suit is a real booty-call magnet. I got hit on twice… by women."

"Really?" Jane asks smirking. "Well you do look so cute… in my suit." Jane turns Maura around, the smaller woman's back pressed to the door, and scoots her nose along the doctors.

"Really?" Maura's left caresses along Jane's face. "How about we get you out of my straitjacket then," she whispers into the detective's ear while the Italian already has fumbled three of the buttons of her own shirt, wore by her fiancé, open.

She turns around and mimics Maura's gesture from before. "Mhhh… unzip me?"

They were laying on the couch, a woollen blanket over them. Maura on her back and Jane between her legs, head on the doctor's shoulder, both hands from the M.E playing with black locks. Both of them enjoying the skin-on-skin contact and the sweet exhaustion of their love-making.

"He accused me of using this to make a name at his costs," Jane whispered. "And then they are dragging our victim through the mire, in a live interview and nobody spends a single thought about the poor boy, loosing his mother five years ago and today also his father."

Jane's thumbs are both caressing over Maura's neck. "At least my dinner was partly successful, although he hit on me pretty badly. Obviously Vega was drinking again and they knew it and they faked his tests because he was the shinning star. Shinning star… my ass… he is a real arrogant dick."

"Language, Jane." Maura kisses her forehead.

"But it is true… being all cool… in his fucking Ferrari. Acting like he's God himself. And to top that all, Merck shows up and tries to muzzle me, walking up into Cavenaugh's office with the governor having his back, trying to delay the case after the playoffs. At least Cavenaugh has some balls and told me to do the exact opposite."

Maura pulls Jane up to her for a kiss. "You will get whoever killed Ron McKenna." The movement between her thighs stirs her body and as she turns her head to the side…

"Jane… can you turn up the light please."

"Why?" The Italian rasps.

"Because…"

Acclimating to the sudden brightness, from the table lamp behind the couch, Maura's suspicion confirms. "Oh, no."

Looking up Jane reaches immediately for her gun on the coffee table. "Somebody was in here." She grabs a spare blanket from the back of the couch and gets up.

"Ma! Tommy! Ma! Ma, come here!"

Angela is over in seconds, already in her nightwear. "Jane, what's wrong?"

Her daughter just motions to the spot the TV was placed before.

"Oh… no! Tommy?" The older woman breathes and Jane throws her hands over her head, sighing hard.

"Oh…, maybe it wasn't Tommy." Maura tries to sooth both Rizzoli's.

Jane just throws a pissed look at her mother, sighing again. Angela being close to tears. "I… I told the Palumbos Tommy would never steal their stereo."

Jane turns to Maura. "Tommy broke into some houses when he was in high school. Um… He never should have been staying here, Maura. I'm so sorry."

Maura grabs Jane's arm, searching contact to her love. "It's okay," she whispers.

"Oh, for the life of me! I don't understand why your brother does what he does!"

Jane turns around to her mother again. "All right, look. I'll call Frankie, okay, and then we'll go look for Tommy. If he's on the run, it should be us that find him, okay? Come here, Ma." Jane grabs her crying mother. "It's all right. Okay? I'll find him."

She sends her mother over to the guesthouse again before she calls Frankie and picks up their discarded clothes, starting to dress before she checks the other rooms. Bringing something to wear for Maura with her, she leaves her in the care of her mother until the detectives from burglary will arrive.

It didn't take long for them to find their brother, as the Robber actually was the closest bar, just opposite of the old Police Headquarter near Ashburton Park.

"Oh, don't move, babe. The police got us surrounded," Tommy joked lightly.

"You're so funny, Tommy." The girl, Jane considered as a dumb blonde, laughed.

She pulled out her badge and shows her to the woman. "Actually, babe, move."

"So, uh, which one of yous wants to take me in?" Tommy hold up his arms for them to cuff him, still thinking this was a kind of funny game.

"Where'd you get the money to buy the dinner and drinks for the townie?" Jane asked.

"Did you pawn Maura's stuff?" Frankie adds.

"Huh?" Tommy looks at them dumbstruck.

"Our house was burglarized." Jane explains.

"The TV, all of Maura's jewelry." Frankie counts.

"Her trust. She trusted you. We trusted you."

"Oh, you think I did it?"

"Did you?"

"Yeah, sure. Recession's my fault, mom and dad are getting divorced because of me. War in the middle east… that's me, too."

"Is that what you think? They're not getting a divorce because of you, Tommy." Jane says.

"They fought all the time."

"They fought over the freaking leaves in the gutters, Tommy," Frankie soothes.

"I am the freaking gutter. It's Detective Rizzoli," he motions to Jane then to Frankie. "Officer Rizzoli, and Tommy the screw-up."

"That's what you've chosen. That's not who you are." Jane states.

The TV in the background breaks the program for some important news.

"We have a breaking story. Manny "Mega" Vega…"

Jane looks over to the barkeeper. "Hey, could you turn that up, please?"

"Has been killed in an automobile accident. Details at this time are inconclusive, but detectives are looking into the matter. Of course, we'll have much more on this story as it develops."

That would be a long night. "Tommy, you're on your own tonight. No babysitters for you."

"Once again, Manny "Mega" Vega, Boston Pilgrims baseball superstar, has died tonight in a fatal car accident."

The moment they leave the Robber Maura calls Jane to inform her about being called out and the detective rushes over to their home to pick up the doctor. After processing the crime scene they rush over to the Headquarter, down to the morgue. Having some of Jane's colleagues all over their house, processing their very own crime scene they as well could use the time for better.

"Wonder if he'll go down as one of the best hitters of all time or the baseball star who murdered his sober coach and then died in a D.U.I."

"Got the results from the contents of the sports bottle." One of the lab techs walks in.

"Oh, from his car? That was fast."

"I processed it myself. That guy was my hero. I wanted to know if he was loaded."

"Was he?"

"Can you put it down here?" Maura motions for the table. She looks over the test results. "No. Glucose water, b- vitamins, taurine, ginseng, caffeine."

"No drugs, alcohol, or steroids?"

"No." the doctor pulls her cut open a bit wider with her scalpel. "This is strange. Cardiomyopathy. He has an enlarged heart."

"Congenital?"

"No. Recent damage." She has a closer look at the removed kidney.

"Maura, you have that "I have a case-solving hunch" look on your face."

"My face doesn't hunch. It's minor pruritus."

"Excuse me?"

"An itch. Hmm." She takes her kitchen knife, well used to slice organs and makes a deep cut, watches closely. "His kidneys are damaged." She shows the kidney over to Jane. "Look at that crystallization."

"Yeah. From what?"

"I'd be guessing."

Jane closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. "God, it's torture sometimes," she whispers. "Have you seen this before?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Good. What did it turn out to be before?"

"Ethylene glycol ingestion."

"Antifreeze? Someone was poisoning him."

They return back home three hours later, having to wait on more tests to come back from the lab they decide at least to try to get some sleep. Receiving the results some minutes before they arrive at Headquarter, Jane shows up in the bullpen with the recently learned facts that their second victim was obviously being poisoned about the time of three weeks.

In the middle of their little game of 'what if' and 'let's assume' Jane receives a text from Maura, having found some new evidence on the first vic, Joe McKenna.

Waiting for Maura to explain her findings to the team of three detectives, Frost starts to get green as the M.E. stick a needle into McKenna's eye.

"You can't look at a little vitreous fluid?" Korsak teases him.

"Coming out of an eyeball…," Frost points out.

"Come on. You said you had something. What are we doing standing here?" Jane get's all whiny as always if she has to wait for something.

"Time of death is always hard to pin down. It's even harder in this case. You could be a little more patient." Maura responses in her the-more-you-hound-me-the-longer-you-have-to-wait voice.

"Job was like a cranky toddler compared to me." Jane jokes in her usual sarcasm and Maura gives her a sassy smile but her eyes hold nothing but love for the most impatient person alive.

"You spoke to Frankie?" Jane addresses Frost.

"He's still going through all 12 dumpsters with every division detective we could spring loose;" Frost answers immediately.

"And why aren't you there?" Korsak teases again. "Oh, I know." He snips his fingers. "Ew! I hate eyeball fluid. Ew, I'm afraid of garbage." He acts in a high-pitched voice. The two of them are sometimes like little girls.

"Why aren't you there?" Frost mimics Korsak. "I know. Might mess up that nice sport coat from 1989."

They all have to grin and push aside the temptation of a good laugh.

"All right. Come on. So… Gina hired McKenna because she thought Vega was drinking again." Jane states the facts.

"Yeah. She said he'd been having violent outbursts." Korsak adds.

"Ethylene-glycol poisoning mimics inebriation," Maura explains.

Frost grabs the bagged bottle from Vega. "But we didn't find any traces of antifreeze in Vega's water bottle."

"Yeah, at least not the one in his car," Jane adds to that. No, w… that's it. Wait a minute. Uh, baseball players are real superstitious, right?"

"Oh, Mark McGwire wore the same cup from his high-school-playing days until it was stolen from him late in his career." Korsak explains one of the weird habits.

"Clemens put tiger balm on his bal…," Frost stops mid-word and clears his throat.

"His balls?" Maura asks confused.

"Yeah." Frost smiles embarrassed at her.

"Don't they inspect those before they're allowed to pitch?" Maura asks again, even more confused.

The three detective all start to chuckle. "Different… Balls, Dr. Isles," Frost explains while pointing to his crotch.

"Oh." Understanding, but staying confused about why someone would do something like that, they all share a laugh.

"Let's just say they… they have some weird rituals," Korsak adds, seeing the still lingering confusion.

Jane's the only one staying quiet, deep drowned in her thoughts. "Yeah, like drinking from the same blinged-out game bottle. Let's test the one in his locker."

Their suspicion confirms. The killer was spiking Vega's special game bottle.

Easy access, just sitting in his locker. The killer had only to wait until the locker room was empty and poor Ron McKenna, suspects Vega's drinking, decides to check his locker after the game, catches the murderer red-handed. Killer grabs Vega's bat, whacks McKenna in the head, drags him to the showers, smashes his skull against the tile, stages a slip-and-fall accident.

They are discussing all the possible suspects until Maura get's the results of the hypoxanthine test and it confirms that Ron McKenna wasn't murdered at 6:00 a.m. but around midnight.

So they bring in Merck for interrogation and after a lot of pressing he admits that he was ordered to protect Manny Vega, 'cause they all thought it was him who murdered McKenna.

While they check out Vega's contract and discover that Phil and Manny must have had a side deal to cut out Gina from the team they got word about Merck being bailed out by Gina plus Korsak get informed about matching fingerprints from Jane and Maura's house to a burglary ring. They've all been arrested and Maura will get all her jewelry back. To top their luck Frankie finds bloody towels and clothes along with used one-way gloves, also smeared in blood.

"I know we got nothing on the outside, but what about on the inside? Can you get a print?"

"This is not 'CSI: Boston' Jane, okay? It's a very delicate process, and it's not always successful."

"Be great if it was successful this time."

"I can't concentrate. Did you apologize to Tommy?"

"No, but I will. Let's just get the bad guys first, all right?"

"All right. Well, why don't you go and apologize to him, and I'll call you if I get any latent prints."

"If? N… the reason you have these gloves to work with is because I gumshoed. The least you can do is to get me some prints." Maura turns around and places herself in front of the box the gloves are hanging, crosses her arms in front of her and gives Jane an annoyed glare.

"What are you… why are you stopping? What are you doing?"

"Waiting for you to leave!"

"Wh… you are ridiculous." Jane smiles. But the grin on Maura's face all together with her batting lashes tells her that the blonde doctor is nothing but serious.

"Fine. Bye." She turns around and leaves. So she just drives over to Beacon Hill in search of her brother, after finding him she apologise and ask him to stay as long as he needs and then Maura informs her that she's got a print on the inside of one of the gloves.

They arrest Jesse for the murder of Manny Vega and Ron McKenna, because he was jealous of everything Manny got thrown to his feet and after his confession and booking him they get back the stolen stuff and meet in their Beacon Hill home for dinner together.

"A little to the left," Tommy supervised while Frankie and Korsak adjust the TV to the wall again.

"Okay, now to the right…to the right," Jane adds.

"Center it a little," Maura sets on top.

Both men are done and Vince takes his hands of the TV.

"Wait, don't… don't drop it, Korsak," Frankie jumps. "This thing costs more than you make in a month."

"That's still more than you make in six months," Korsak teases.

"Dinner time!" Angela yells from the kitchen and Jo comes running, barking at the elder woman. "Look, Jo Friday! You want your dinner? Yes."

Korsak looks at the open pot. "You feed that dog chicken?" he asks.

"It's organic," Angela answers.

"She's licking her paws?" Vince asks again.

"Yeah, nonstop! That's why she's depressed," Jane answers and Korsak burst out laughing.

"What? It's not funny. I paid 300 bucks. She's still licking," Jane whines.

"Because a lot of little dogs like her are allergic to poultry."

Angela looks up shocked and laughs. "Oh."

Jane turns to Maura, her hands at her hips. "Well, she has been withdrawn and restless, reluctant to go outside and urinate," Jane mimics Maura's word from the vet.

"Well, excuse me. I don't treat mixed breeds or four-legged creatures… or anything else…"

…that's alive. Yeah, I forgot," Jane finishes Maura's sentence.

"Okay, knock it off, you two. Get the salad," Angela orders.

"Would you like me to reimburse you for misdiagnosing your dog?" Maura asks just to annoy Jane a little further.

"Stop it," Angela tries again.

"Yes…Yes, I would, actually. That'd be nice," Jane mocks back.

"Would a check be okay, or would you feel safer with cash?" Maura asks grinning.

Jane grins back. "Cash. Cash is good."

Dinner went smoothly and was full of laughter and they found themselves back on the couch again after anyone had left. Jane pulls Maura's closer to her.

"I am sorry for trying to rush you today," Jane apologise and Maura put her index to the Italian lips, replacing it with her lips.

"Shhh… don't be. You do your job and I will do mine. I know you well enough to not take it personal. You are who you are and that is one of the reasons you are such a great detective and one of the reasons I love you so much."

"How about we catch up where we left last night," Jane whispers, using both hands to shove Maura's tank top up to discard it.

"How about we take that upstairs, just because we have two more days left to stay at home doesn't mean your mother won't show up in the morning," Maura whispers back, nonetheless taking off her top and leaving her in khaki colored pants and a black bra.

"I love it how you are always the voice of reason" Jane smiles, kissing the doctors chest.

Maura wraps her legs around the Italian. "If you don't hurry to get me upstairs there won't be much left of that voice."

 **Thanks for reading!**  

**Have a nice day 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	37. How much a little time can change your life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

_**Maura wraps her legs around the Italian. "If you don't hurry to get me upstairs there won't be much left of that voice."** _

Maura's POV

We lay in bed, nearly perfectly duplicating the position from the night before.

"Maybe we can use the next two days to gather some impressions for the wedding. Have a look at rings, a little brainstorm on food or how big we want to get our guest list or whatever you want," Jane whispers against the skin of my left breast.

My nails are scraping lightly along the hairline at Jane's neck. I am still not able to wrap my head around the fact that the gorgeous woman lying on top of me will be married to me for some month already next year around the same time.

It's so surreal. I remember last year around the same time. I never saw even happening her lying skin-to-skin so close to me. How much a little time can change your life into the completely opposite direction. Maybe a year after next year we will be lying here in the same spot with a little breathing addition to our love.

I groan immediately inside my head.  _Will you just stop with the baby-talk again, Isles._  But I can't and I know it. Simply the thought of a baby with Jane's eyes and olive skin and that sexy cleft in the chin makes my head spin and my heart beating faster. Although all the fears about the changes in our lives and relationship I can literally feel the love in her eyes burning my skin the moment she first holds the tiny human, looking at me.

Does it make me a terrible human being for wishing sometimes that she simply could impregnate me? That I simply wish we could just love each other and two weeks after I would get antsier with every passing day I turn out to be late. Life often is unfair. I know I shouldn't be complaining. I have everything I could wish for, but the simplest of all things we just can't have easily.

How many children get procreated each day, unwillingly or under the use of force and two people loving each other more than anything are at the mercy of quite likely a stranger. That's one of the reasons I don't like 'what if's'. It doesn't get me anywhere. I love her more than life itself and if it means that it never would happen I would take it gladly. Honestly, what else do I need?

"You are the one with the shopping issue so if you are willing to do that with me, I am all in."

"Okay honey," she whispers and kisses the cleft between my breasts. "We can have breakfast at this nice little café and then have a look at whatever we can think of." I cradle her against me, tonight I crave her to sleep just where she is, so I can feel her as much as possible.

"I love you," I whisper kissing the top of her head and she murmurs already half asleep, her face pressing against my skin. I only catch 'too, so much' but she could have said nothing at all and I would be just as happy.

After an extensive breakfast we both settle more than fast for wedding bands, as we both simultaneously point to the similar ring. Tungsten carbide, inwrought golden squares. As unique as our whole relationship. The engraving clearly will be the one sentence that describes us perfectly. 'You complete me' will be written in French inside of the one Jane is going to wear and mine will be carrying the same line, only in Italian.

I am not entirely sure which kind of wedding Jane is aiming for. Does she want only closest family and friends or the whole thing, with any family-member, however distantly related? I know I should, but I am afraid to ask, because I think she would be getting married with half of Boston attending, just to please what she thinks is expected from my status.

She never makes a big whoop of anything. We are sitting in the back corner of a café that imitates the small streets of Paris, snuggled together like teenagers, in the shelter of hedges and trees, hiding our table much. Since the moment I decided to propose I am aiming for a date but I am not sure she won't find it corny.

"What's going on in that big brain of yours?" she asks suddenly. "They can hear you thinking in Idaho."

"I told you already, my brain is physically not bigger than …"

"Don't try to change the subject Maura. What's going on?"

"I was just thinking about the wedding. I know it seems early but we need to set a date, otherwise we may not be able to find a service for food, or people planning their holidays."

"Okay let's do it. Let's find a date," she states as simply like I have ask her to get up and go home.

"Well as we already set the place we should maybe aim for July, because it minimizes the possibility of rain."

Jane watches me for a moment intensely before a wide grin spreads over her whole face. "You already have a date in mind and if I am right it contains exactly three same numbers in it," she's nearly already beaming with pride and I shouldn't be surprised by her skills to connect dots that fast, she isn't one of the best detectives for nothing.

"I may have thought about it…"

"Hives, Maura. Terrible itching hives!" she laughs aloud.

"It's cheesy…," I admit shyly.

"It is, but if you would tell me you want to get married on a Friday the 13th because it is your lucky day, I would. Probably Ma would kill us both, because she's really superstitious but I would marry you anyway, just in hell then." Still laughing. "And… it may spare me some trouble in the future," she adds.

"Why would it spare you some trouble?"

"Jeez Maura, for a genius you are really slowly sometimes! Forgetting your wedding-date…," she helps along.

"It's just a date Jane. I am not that into showing off your emotions on a special occasion."

"Remember that if you're not getting anything on Valentines Day," she giggles.

"Well… as I'm very aware that you are ovulating around the 14th of a month I am sure I am getting enough…then," I watch her closely process what I just answered her.

She swallows hard. "Maura… gee… you can't say something like that in public and expect me to be all cool."

"I didn't and you were the one who started that game while we had breakfast."

_We had just sat down and were looking at the menu as three guys some tables ahead of us were having a fiery discussion over hair-colors. Which seems pretty weird to me, to begin with. Looking over at Jane I saw her trying to stifle a grin while choosing her food._

_"What?" I asked._

_Jane shook her head, but obviously only to clear her mind as she answered to my question anyway, leaning over the table, whispering. "I can only agree with the blonde guy. Natural redheads are pretty passionate in between the sheets."_

_I needed a moment to regain my composure, too much thoughts spinning around in my head. First, I didn't consider myself as a redhead, like she called it. Yes, my hair has a fair share of red but it's mostly only visible in the direct sunlight. So about whom was she talking and before I could think even further my mouth was already talking._

_"Do you have any evidence to proof that point?"_

_Her eyebrows scooted up to the maximum of possibility. "What?"_

_"Well you just said you can agree with the fact that 'redheads' are passionate lovers, so I asked you for any evidence to proof that point. Did you have a red haired boyfriend?"_

_She was looking at me as what I considered as totally confused, before she switched chairs and scooted as close as possible to me._

_"Well… there is this very beautiful genius with those mind-boggling eyes, changing their color with the change of light and her hair does the same. In sunlight it has this pretty coppery gleam and I know for a fact that she is an incredible lover. Passionately, insatiable and voluptuously," she whispered hot into my ear._

I shiver, the mere thought of it gives me goose bumps all over again. I throw a $20 bill on the table as it will cover our tab for coffee more than pretty well and leave no doubt that I want to go home, now. Well, we not even get that far and it is another first, at least for me.

Jane gets into her unmarked first, in the driver seat and in a moment of totally blankness I get in also, but in the back of it. Without even properly sitting down or saying something, anything, I yank her over the seat into the back. She can't even react.

"Hi," she whispers as our eyes meet. "Hi," I whisper back, breathlessly. As fast as I moved some seconds ago I slow down now immensely. I wrap my hands around her face and pull her in for a gentle kiss and as much as it soothes my need for contact, my hunger for her is more than evident. So much that it doesn't even bother me for a second that we are in a parking lot, three levels downstairs in the backseat of an unmarked police car which could not only get us into real trouble but rather easily become the scandal of the year.

"I need you baby," I whisper against her lips and she watches me, stunned into silence, while I discard my thong and wrap my arms around her to push it into her back-pocket. It is not likely anything I saw myself ever doing, but the thrill of being watched or getting caught spurs my arousal on, even further. She's upright on her knees between my legs and her mouth is standing open, with a blank expression on her face.

"You want to watch or are you going to help?" I ask her caressing my hands over my own thighs, hiking up my dress in the progress. The growl from her is loud and clear. The moment I open my legs and let her know how much turned on I am right now spurs her into action. Her gaze is raw and lustful, her hands grab my hips and before I can even take another breath she has pulled me towards her face. I am hardly touching the edge of the seat with my bottom, my head snaps back to the seat, my back bends. I turn my arms and grab each head-rest behind me hard.

It is the quickest 'quickie' we ever had. She's barely between my legs when I am propelled into orgasm. So satisfying. I don't even know how my hands made it into her hair but the moment she hisses I know my yanking must have been painfully.

I pull her up for a kiss. "That was unexpected," she whispers against my lips. "That was incredibly hot" I answer the same way. "That too," she breathes back. She sits down beside me without moving her upper body out of our embrace. However quick or fierce it may have been I always need some minutes of snuggling. I sink firmer into her body, smelling her, feeling her.

"Can we go home as fast as possible, lockdown our house and be just you and me, some blankets and the sound of cracking wood in the fireplace?"

She smiles tenderly at me. "Whatever you wish for!"

The ride home is quiet but far from uncomfortable. My hand lies palm up on her right thigh and her fingertips are caressing lightly over my skin there. The lovingly gesture makes me smile and not only because it tickles slightly. If someone would look at us now they would never assume what happened minutes ago back in the car park.

We have some silent understandings worked out with Jane's mother, like the backdoor being locked before our usually bed time tells her that we probably are downstairs, in need of some privacy. Sometimes we don't get that far to lock it, but after some close calls she learned at least to knock. I don't mind her seeing me undressed, she's like a mother to me, so maybe finding us in the morning on the couch or the floor is not a problem after all. She is, and I have to admit that it surprised me a little, very supportive of our relationship, right from the beginning and totally at ease with our sexuality but after the incident, the first night she stayed in the guesthouse, she avoids our bedroom like the plague.

I have to stifle giggling, thinking of how often she drives Jane crazy at breakfast, musing over how she's rubbing off her bad habits of running on little sleep at me or commenting that she acts like one when Jane starts her 'I'm not a rabbit' arguing over salad for dinner. She's quick at repartee and as little as Jane wants to hear it, like mother, like daughter.

Making it through the door with an intensive urge of being close I stand on my tiptoes for a small but gentle kiss. It being early in the afternoon I want at least moving us upstairs to give Angela room to make her self some dinner.

"How about you go ahead upstairs and start the fireplace and I get us some wine," I whisper against her lips, preparing myself for the lost of her body warmth.

"Just don't get lost in search for the perfect wine, we both know they are all well chosen," she smiles and kisses me a last time before she peers herself away.

I pick up glasses from the cupboard and muse some minutes in front of the shelve holding some of my favourite red wines. As much as Jane is right about the selection of wine I suddenly know the perfect one for the night we took another large step in direction of our wedding.

I make my way down into the basement and I wouldn't even need the light on to find every bottle I want. I pull out one. Château Latour 1961, I paid $ 1500 for each bottle at a vendue two years ago.

After opening the bottle I pick up some of the 'Raw Chocolate' I bought some weeks ago, the cacao beans are rarely fermented or roasted and is incredible intense in flavour, dark chocolate goes perfectly with red wine and most perfection it will attain along with the taste of Jane.

Upstairs, hurrying down the hall I am torn between leaving my clothes in a pile, maybe in the yoga room and surprise her or optioning for the sweet torture of her undressing me sensually. Both of it has its own share of benefits. Not superficially aiming for sex but a lot more for hours of tender cuddling and gentle exchange of affections I decide for the latter.

Entering our bedroom all shades are closed and I am greeted by nothing than the warm light flickering from the fireplace. Both armchairs are moved over, resting now under the window, as well as the end table. She has built a place with spare blankets and the beddings we use to sleep in.

Moving over, across the room into the corner by the bathroom wall, I sink down on my knees beside her, putting down the things I've been holding. Pouring some wine into only one glass I pull her up to me.

"Close your eyes and open your mouth," I whisper and she obeys immediately.

While placing a waferthin piece of chocolate on her tongue I take a sip of the sinfully red liquid. Letting the flavour settle in my mouth for a moment I move in to kiss her and true to my vision it is a sensual explosion, even more than I dared to imagine.

"If you combine it with feeding me chocolate and kisses I may drink wine more often," she breathes against my lips.

She takes the glass from me and puts it down, hiking up my dress a little and makes me move to straddle her, caressing my buttocks lightly over the thin fabric we go back to more kissing. The faint taste of wine and chocolate still lingering it is the very flavour of Jane that intoxicates me.

Grabbing the lapels of her shirt I pull her gently flush against me, fumbling the fabric from her pants my fingertips making contact with the soft skin of her lower back. The electric shock, every time one of us touches the other, is still as strong as the first time.

"Is this going to wear off?" I whisper nearly inaudible. "Do you think this will going to happen to us too? Passing the honeymoon phase only to end up like most couples?"

Jane's hand comes up to cup my cheek. "We have nothing in common with most couples, Maura. You are extraordinary and I am… well I'm me, but listening to my heart I know whatever is going to happen to us will only make our bond even stronger. I love you a little deeper, falling a little harder for you each passing day and as long as I'm in my right mind I will do anything for it to stay that way."

She locks our gaze. "Sometimes it still feels like a dream to me."

I move my hands back to her front, starting to slowly unbuttoning her shirt, shoving it over her shoulders, down her arms. Kissing until we need to stop to pull her tank top over her head, we are like magnets, being pulled to each other as soon as possible. I love kissing her and being kissed by her and I would treat anything I own for the chance to do it once again.

Sharing kisses with Jane is so much better than anything I ever experienced in my life. Better than success, better than achievement, better than the most satisfying sex. I feel her fingers at my zipper and in a fluid move my dress is gone, leaving me in only my bra because my thong is still in her back pocket, or I think so.

While she unhooks the last piece of cloth my fingers start to unbuckle her belt and going for her button I remember she is wearing one of my favourite jeans she owns. One with only buttons. I so love the little jolt when I pull the sides wider and wider apart until each button gives up to the gentle force, one by one.

Pushing her down on her back I discard both, jeans and panties at once. Straddling her again I bend down to resume back to kissing, stretching my legs, lowering myself fully on top of her. I hum against her lips at the satisfaction her warm skin gives me.

She turns us over to the side, giving us both the chance to touch each other wherever we want to. I mirror her actions and trace along every muscle on her backside with my fingertips. It's something I had to learn with Jane. Before her, there was no need for me to just lie down and enjoy each other.

I may have known the healthy benefits of cuddling but there is no reason to snuggle with someone who lets you take them to a hotel room after some drinks. The intentions such an invitation contains should be clear for everyone. Enjoying soft touches and gentle kisses, completely undressed without having sex I was virginally to, until Jane and along all the scientific facts I could state and hormones which the body is setting free right now it is the feeling of belonging and warmth and home which seeps through my veins.

It is weird to learn your body and your feelings and your sexuality completely new in your late twenties or early thirties, as I passed that threshold two month ago. And it's even weirder that I can't define it exactly. She surely touches me in a sexual way while cuddling, like caressing my nipples with her tongue or her fingertips stroking along my labia but it isn't pure arousal flooding me. Of course it's lingering along but the only thing I can think of is the feeling of being loved. I can't describe it in any other way.

 **Thanks for reading!**  

**Have a nice day 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	38. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

 

**_She surely touches me in a sexual way while cuddling, like caressing my nipples with her tongue or her fingertips stroking along my labia but it isn’t pure arousal flooding me. Of course it’s lingering along but the only thing I can think of is the feeling of being loved. I can’t describe it in any other way._ **

 

Maura woke first in the dim light of the next morning, her body lying fully on top of Jane’s backside. They had both decided to pick up their usual morning jog again but both had found many excuses why they should start the next day and the next and the next.

The doctor carefully placed small kisses at the junction between neck and shoulder, wanting to wake up the detective as gentle as possible. The last morning of their days off seemed to be the right occasion to start their routine again.

Jane stirred with a light groan, turning her head a little, her eyes small, sleepy slits. “Hey sweetie,” she whispered smiling, her voice at its most hoarse point. She wiggled a little into her cushion. “Mhhh…comfy.”

Maura snuggled a little closer. “Five minutes… and then we are going to start our morning run, Detective Lazy.”

Jane groaned again. “You will have to run ahead… maybe your sexy ass in spandex will keep me awake.” She mumbled into the pillow.

Their run was long but lightly through the deviously paths of Boston Common, far beside the public routes. They moved over wooded trails covered in leaves in any kind of color autumn had to offer.

Jane loved any season of the year, though there was always any but… She loved spring, as long as it didn’t rain too much. She loved summer until Boston was hit with a heat-wave when it would be sticky and much too hot. She loved winter as long as there was snow and it didn’t turn into slush. Fall, she loved all those colors and the smell lingering in the morning air, but she hated it as soon as it started to rain, although rain was not the problem as long as it was a warm summer-shower. Yes, Jane loved any season, as long as it showed up in its best.

Like now! The sun was yet still to weak to warm up the air but its light shining through the leftover leafs in the crowns of the trees painted a picture that was nearly worth to die for and in the middle of it the majestic spectacle called Maura. They were running towards the sun and it seemed like the woman in front of her was surrounded with a breathtaking aura. The light played with the pigments in her hair and made it shine like copper and gold, with every step changing.

There was only both of their smooth breaths and the rustling of the leaves under their feet, their steps, here and there the breaking sound of some nuts or twigs they crushed, running over it and the sound of birds awakening slowly. A woodpecker was working somewhere in the distance, a flock of ducks noisily made its way up, higher, above the woods. A hawk screamed somewhere far up in the sky, probably chasing its breakfast and various small birds were chirping and singing, welcoming the new day. As gladly as Jane would have spend some more hours in bed she enjoyed their run.

Coming back Angela had already left for work, breakfast waiting for them at the counter. Both of them weighed having a shower or their meal first, breakfast won and they shared it before enjoying a long and hot shower together. Jane convinced Maura to have to buy some decoration for upcoming Halloween the next week, they also strolled through several shops purchasing idea’s for costumes.

As the last BPD Halloween-party had been falling into Jane’s hospital-stay after Hoyt it would also been Maura’s first attendance. After talking Jane into buying the cat woman-outfit she herself made rather a huge secret about what her own costume would be like. She would buy it some days later to also keep it a secret until Halloween-night.

They finished some dinner together and Angela found them snuggling on the couch with a movie playing. They had some coffee or tea with the pastries Angela had brought and after an extensive walk with Jo Friday the couple went for a relaxing bath and another movie, this time in their bed.

The days at work were slow, Jane being damned to do paperwork Maura used her time to reorganize the morgue and lap and work together with Jane through some cold cases. Reviewing autopsy reports from before she was working for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

Their evenings were as lazy as their days, having punctually closing time was nothing they were used to, that often. On Wednesday they went on dinner and some drinks with the guys at the Robber. Thursday they went to yoga and Maura talked Jane into trying a new Sushi-restaurant near their home. Probably Jane would never be a great fan of sushi, but she had expected much worse. Friday they also turned into the Robber with the guys and watching a movie at home, one of their usually routines.

Saturday was spent with decorating the house and graving pumpkins, baking and shopping for sweets. Maura had never thought that it could be so much fun to prepare for such a ridiculous holiday. Maybe the main idea of Halloween was anything but ridiculous but it had turned into commerce along the way, but now she found herself rather eagerly and joyfully thinking about giving away sweets to dressed-up children and being the source of their happiness.

Not to mention that she was only three days shy of openly share her night close to Jane under the eyes of every employee at the ‘Annual BPD Halloween Ball’. It wasn’t that anyone didn’t know they were a couple, after all it was nearly a year already but it was the first opportunity to show it without being unprofessional. And Maura was jittery about it. The rumors had ebbed off, nearly, but she wanted to show even the last of them that it was serious between them and not some makeshift-relationship until something better came along.   

Sunday was packed with cooking and baking for dinner, conference-switching, watching football. As the Patriots would play on Monday nobody wanted to settle for a game, the three siblings only agreed when it came to Boston’s teams. Jane wanted to see Dallas Cowboy’s, Frankie San Francisco 49ers and Tommy Green Bay Packers. As loud as they all were Maura loved seeing them. Nothing like her house was before the Rizzoli’s came into her life.

On Monday both of Jane’s brothers came over watching the game. All four of them, more or less sitting on the sofa, celebrating the outride victory from the Patriots over the Vikings, a spectacular 31 to 7, with pizza and beer and so Tuesday came around. It going as slow as the days before, they decided to leave work at noon, having lunch together and have enough time to prepare for the night.

They were having a long and extended lunch at the Robber and with the ongoing hours Jane seems to get more nervous. Like Maura already had considered it was her costume, making her feel uncomfortable. After she got dressed she criticized what ever she could find. To form-fitting, to tight, not matching her type and so on…

Maura simply thought it looked sexy and also told Jane that she shouldn’t hide that she’s a beautiful woman, at least not if it’s not entirely work. She truly respect her choice of clothes for work even if they could be more of high quality but after all it wasn’t work tonight and she shouldn’t have to think about what her co-workers were going to say. Maura hoped her very own costume was going to make her forget.

At 4:30 p.m. Maura leaves her preparing for trick-or-treat, filling bowls with sweets, while she goes upstairs to get ready herself. After showering she settles for red strapless corset and a lace-barely-there-thong matching the dress she’s going to wear. Well her costume isn’t that super-sexy but it’s going to have an effect. 

A red, fitted silk dress, ending mid-thigh with just enough cleavage to guess… Over it she is going to wear another dress. Black nylon, cobweb optic, floor-length and see-through. Form fitting, down from the knees it flows freely around her legs. A black corset is accenting her waist and a necklace of black pearls portraying a bat is finishing her look altogether with some rings, acting like spiders crawling over the doctor’s fingers.

Jane looks at her like a fish as she comes into her sight at the foot of the stairs. The bowl she was about to sit down beside the front door becomes obviously to heavy, as she is still holding it but the sweets spill on the floor in front of her. Maura simply walks up to her, put her index under Jane’s chin and close her mouth, reward her lips with a gently kiss for all the compliments she just spoke in silence.  

As Maura kneels down in front of Jane, picking up the candies, the detective still is in a kind of stupor, watching Maura, just standing, staring. The M.E. had wondered about Jane liking the dress but she didn’t even consider once about a reaction like that, because the doctor had definitely worn far sexier clothes before. How was Jane going to react, knowing what Maura was wearing underneath the costume?

With every kid passing their door for trick-or-treat Maura gets more of a cornball, delightedly about most of the costumes they wear. The cap arrives at quarter to eight and with the ten minutes drive over to the Seaport Hotel where all the events from BPD are held in the Commonwealth-Ballroom they ensure not to be the first arriving.

The acting Boston Police Commissioner Al Goslin and Mayor Thomas Memino are welcoming every member of the Boston Police Department in person, both never far from where hordes of press are lurking. Only one reason why Jane regrets her choice of costume! Putting up a brave front, she shakes hands and exchanges some words, not as fast getting away as she wishes because of Maura by her side. Being the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth causes attention and having also the hero-detective along with her, the high-ranking men enjoy the attention of the press.

Maura leans slightly up to Jane. “Don’t be a killjoy. It’s may be the closest they will get to excitement tonight,” she whispers into the detective’s ear and Jane’s smile gets a little bit wider. After getting over with the obligation they stroll further into the hotel, arms linked. A path of red carpet, framed with red ropes led into the Commonwealth Ballroom.

The hall modelled after Boston Common, although tonight between flowers and hedges, trees and beds carved pumpkins were glowing in the near darkness of the room. Chains of lights, designed as pumpkins, skulls, witches, bats or cats were strained between the trees. Fake-spiders, bats and crows are dangling from the ceiling. Staff in costumes, reflecting skeletons are handing welcome-drinks, red and viscous like blood or bilious green ones.

The food may not be very nutritious but funny after all. There are plastic-skulls filled with popcorn, looking like fried brain, hot dogs feigning chopped fingers or wrapped in pastry faking mummies, tomato soup with semolina dumplings looking like eyeballs. Dates, caved like bugs, bananas looking like ghosts, cookies shaped as bones, cupcakes topped with little gravestones and a lot more. It may be Maura’s first real Halloween but certainly not her last, feeling like a kid in a candy-store. She never thought having so much fun over such ridiculous things. And the night not even had started yet.

 

An hour later the party was in full swing and Maura had had already three glasses of something she probably wouldn’t want to know what was inside. Frankie and Frost were pushing to make a tour through the haunting house and with every bottle of beer Jane became more and more enthusiastic herself about that kind of amusement, knowing Maura never did anything like that as a kid.

Although the haunting house wasn’t that scary for adults, Maura was rather impressed by the sense of detail it was build and thankful for the nearly darkness inside. First chance she pulled Jane into a corner out of the way for some kisses, unfitting to be shared in public.

“I did myself no service, choosing your outfit for tonight. At least not, as long as we are in company. You are a real tease for my composure right now.”

“Look who’s talking,” Jane whispered against Maura’s ear. “Fatally I know what’s underneath that damn tight dress of yours.” Her hands slid from the back of Maura’s thighs, slowly over her bottom, to the small of her back.

“You think… you have no idea Jane… there is something underneath you haven’t seen before,” the smaller woman whispered back seductive.

“And how is that helping to stop my mind running wild?”

“I don’t think I like the idea of stopping anything…,” nearly inaudible with the background sounds of the haunting house.

“But I think we should…Maura,” Jane kissed the spot underneath her right ear. “At least for now!”

“Yeah… we should,” Maura panted. “It will be worth the torture… once we get home. I think I couldn’t have stood your costume tonight if we still were just friends… I think at least tonight I would have done something… very inappropriate.”

“Maybe we should investigate that a little further… later.”

“Hey there ar… ewww… can’t you two keep your hands from each other for more than an hour?”

“Shut up Frankie… come again if you found yourself a girl.”

“Yeah…Yeah…don’t go Ma on me Jane and I don’t think I have to remind you what happened the last time,” Frankie held his hands up and turned around, referencing to Lola or Emily.

“You know it wasn’t your fault, she fooled me too,” Jane answered but Frankie just waved it off.

“Yeah…let’s not go there. Let’s have some fun.”

“About that… you totally spilled it, coming over here,” Jane grinned and Maura slapped her arm with the back of her hand.

They finished the ‘horror-tour’ without even noticing most of it, totally caught up with each other in the near darkness and after another drink with their usually group of people Maura was totally surprised but not reluctantly as Jane asked her to dance.

“I really did not see you as such a magnificent dancer. I think it is what surprised me the most about you,” Maura whispered directly into Jane’s ear.

“Well… technically we are just swaying at the moment… not really dancing.”

“I know that, but you seem to forget that you took me to a tango-class.”

“I wasn’t… much into dancing, but for my first undercover in homicide I had to learn it…really fast.”

“You know… I didn’t expect anything of that, after the first time we met. I thought you were totally hot and irresistible…,” she leaned even closer. “And I would have paid a whole salary for the chance to have you once all to myself but…”

“Whoa Maura… you should have told me that, for 25 grand’s I would have said yes.”

“Twenty seven…eight hundred…”

“Pardon me Dr. Isles for making you cheaper than you are,” Jane laughed.

“Mhhh… and I would have doubled it or tripled… it is a good thing that there was never another woman in your life… I don’t think I could stand the mere thought about you… and I am grateful that you are not a hooker.”

“You have no idea how grateful I am for that fact,” Jane joked taking a little tension out of the way.

Maura lost her proper dancing pose and clung herself around Jane, resting her head against the detectives shoulder.

“Are you really going to marry me or I am going to wake up some day, realizing this wasn’t more than a dream?”

Jane grabbed her left hand and caressed the ring with her thumb. “I can pinch you as well if you want, but you can feel it, don’t you? I am not accustomed…yet. I can feel my ring most time of the day. It may not be the most expensive or prettiest one but it is a promise Maura. A promise I made to never break.”

The Italians lips touched Maura’s ear shell. “I love you and I am going to marry you and if you ask me to I am going to kidnap the super-hyper-one-and-only-on-his-field genius professor who can help me to make a million little Maura’s… if that’s what you want. I would steal Apollo 13… oh no… that one crashed… any other space shuttle and bring you the moon down here.”

Maura laughed whole hearty. “Are you going sappy on me Detective Rizzoli?”

She could feel Jane grin against her neck. “Well… I can remember some nights when that mushy stuff made you come a little faster.”

“I remember them too…,” Maura breathes.

With each passing song they drifted further and further away from the partying crowd, into the farthest corner, having their own, private party.

“Oh my god, you two are drooling all over each other again. I haven’t seen you…,” he tried to have a look at his watch. “In the last two hours, this is a party…”

“Piss off Frankie. I mean it!” Jane hissed.

“Get at least a room,” he laughed before turning around.

“He is pretty tipsy,” Maura giggled.

“Tipsy… he is totally wasted.”

“Maybe that was not the worst idea he had, we could get a room… here, after all we are in a hotel. Having breakfast in bed… without doing anything for it, beside paying”

“That sounds very tempting. You think Frost and Korsak are going to be pissed if I prefer to open up my present?”

“I don’t think so… but I couldn’t care less about that right now. I am on the tip of my toes since you put that costume on tonight.”

Their goodbye turned out to be rather quick. Having to share the elevator with an elder couple they got a head-start as Jane spun Maura around and picked her up in the hallway. Hands fully on her bottom cheeks she tumbled down the floor to their room. Giggling and kissing. Wrestling with the key card, she pressed Maura against the door and earned a breathless ‘hurry’ against her lips.

 

Barely inside, Maura found herself sitting on the very next furniture to reach, clutching Jane against her with her legs around the detectives hips.

“If I had something other to wear with me I would ask you to just rip it off,” she breathed.

“Are we a little impatient?” Jane smiled.

“You know very well I am. You know how constantly turned on I am when my hormones are driving me crazy,” the blonde doctor breathed back.

Shoving both layers of her dress up her thighs Jane kissed down over the fabric until she reached the naked skin on Maura’s tummy. The small doctor moved her hips. “Shower…Jane,” she whispered trembling.

While Jane cupped Maura’s bottom and lifted her up, the M.E. discarded both parts of her dress over her head throwing it onto the dresser beside the bathroom door. The detective hissed as the blazing red corset came into her sight, hugging the small body in every right place perfectly.

Hesitating, looking over to the bed for a moment. “Jane… please… shower,” Maura begged breathless. Jane desperately wanted to enjoy the very sexy sight of her girlfriend for a little longer, but she also knew that Maura wouldn’t get comfortable until they moved under the spray of water.

Jane couldn’t care less, the blonde was one of the trimmest persons she knew, but she also knew that Maura would be caught up with the possibility of making a mess and the embarrassment she would find herself in, leaving any evidence on the sheets or on Jane for that matter.   

“You know I love you, don’t you?” Jane asked whispering, setting her down on the counter by the sink, kissing her neck.

“No you don’t…,” Maura smiled defiantly. “I would feel that… right know you are just starring at my tits,” she breathed as the Italians lips connected with the swell of her right breast.

 Jane burst out laughing. “Jeez Maura… I will never get used to that.”

“Don’t worry about that baby, you do a perfect job with all the rest,” the doctor giggled.

 

Maura’s legs felt stiff and arching, twitching and jerking muscles, a mixture from the effort of standing upright during Jane’s ministration and the powerful orgasm she had experienced, twice. Jane was on the very edge of drifting into sleep, a result of Maura’s caressing fingertips at the hairline in her nape.

“Jane…,” the blonde doctor whispered and the Italian just hummed comfortable. “You would tell me… if it is… too much?”

“Too much of what…?” a sleepily voice breathed in silence.

“Too much… of me… I have this insatiable longing for your touch, but… if its too much… you don’t have to sleep with me every night.”

That got Jane fully awake again and she sat up. “Is it me that makes you that insecure Maura?”

The M.E. huffed in annoyance with herself. “I don’t know… I am always afraid to overdo anything, to scare you away…,” Jane stopped her with a tender and long kiss.

“I love you… and I love to love you and I totally and vehemently desire you and maybe when we are old I am not able to have the power to make love for hours and maybe in between now and then there will be days we are to tired or caught up or something, but apart from that I will take any chance you allow me to make love with you… and if you aren’t convinced that in my mind I am drooling all over you the whole day long we can get that shower starting again.”

Jane fully lay down on top of Maura and pecked her lips between words. “You…pretty…girl…are…like…walking…aphrodisiacs…and…irresistible.”

Deepening the kiss, caressing Maura’s tongue with her own but staying gentle and slow, she broke it after some minutes to add. “The day I don’t want to sleep with you anymore is the day they record my brain death. You know I am not into all that mushy and lame clichés and lines but… and I never thought I would say that one day, to anyone… and don’t get that wrong… it isn’t your body making me wanting you all the time, helping along but it is you… the whole package.”

“Say that again the day I am becoming fat like a whale,” Maura giggled, losing up a lot.

Jane just laughed. “Well… more of you to love and our bed wouldn’t be that much too big anymore. You can’t scare me… I am going to love you even more, because you’re always gonna be Maura the dork, my Maura…regardless of how old or fat or diffuse you are.”

This time the medical examiner initiated the next kiss. “Enough with the sappy stuff,” she went back to kissing, grabbing Jane’s hand, guiding it between her legs. Noticing Jane’s confusion she whispered low. “Fuck the sheets Jane… I am going to pay for them.”

 

**Thanks to all of you for reading** **.**

**Have a nice day 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 

 

 

 

 

      

 

 

 

 

 

     

 


	39. bloodlines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

**_This time the medical examiner initiated the next kiss. “Enough with the sappy stuff,” she went back to kissing, grabbing Jane’s hand, guiding it between her legs. Noticing Jane’s confusion she whispered low. “Fuck the sheets Jane… I am going to pay for them.”_ **

****

Maura’s POV

 

_I sat down on the first stool beside the staff entrance to the bar, opposite a very appealing man I spotted the moment I entered. I ordered a Cosmopolitan from Sam, the barkeeper who always pretended to not knowing me, until we were alone._

_Sam was gay and totally okay with the game I played. We often talked when I came there, every once a while or more often, depending on my mood. I always sat there and frankly flirted with anyone who gained my attention, with only one destination in mind. If they asked at all I would tell them I was leaving tonight, which was not a lie because I would leave… straight after sex. The truth about leaving for home and not town always stayed with me… and Sam._

_My choice for tonight was the kind of guy ‘too pretty to be true’. Dark, short hairs, brown eyes, suntanned, flawless face. We had a rough case at work and it was the second time this week I was in need of distraction. And I needed distraction quite badly. I was disrobing my new found toy already with my eyes barely five minutes into looking at him for the first time._

_He ordered a drink for me and as Sam served it, it was time for me to get things going. We used to play a little game. I would always pay with a $100 bill and the way it was positioned would let Sam know what I thought which department was ‘my toy’s’ strong side._

_Franklin upside down to the edge of Sam’s side of the bar would mean I was expecting orally orgasm, upside down towards me would mean vaginal and Franklin face down was meaning I had to do it myself afterwards._

_I wasn’t entirely sure that night. Staring a moment at the note I decided to go for the goal. The last vaginal orgasm I had, not by myself, wasn’t even nearly a good one and was two years ago. Like always, my ruse did the trick. The possibility of me leaving spurted ‘pretty face’ into action. He came around, sitting down next to me, back to the bar so he could face me. I never listened to all they had to say, only concentrating myself onto the task at hand._

_He leaned over to whisper into my ear. “I can’t wait for your lips to wrap around my dick.” I didn’t mind them talking but well…that’s a pretty turn off. I leaned over. “I am suddenly not interested anymore,” I whispered back and stood to leave not before smiling over to Sam and turning the note face down._

I don’t know why especially this memory kept repeating itself. The bar at Hilton Boston Logan Airport has nothing in common with the one at The Westin in San Francisco, apart from that they serve beverages and are close to the airport. Maybe it was the difference. Sometimes memories like that made me feel ashamed of myself. I couldn’t connect with this part of my life, anymore. It was like it was another life I had lived. Meaningless faces in meaningless rooms and meaningless sex. Thinking back I would consider myself closer to a whore than not.

 

I had turned down two drinks from two different men already and I was about to reject the next one, creeping up from behind, as the all too familiar smoky voice met my ear so close.

 

“If I didn’t know any better I would think you are planning on getting laid tonight, beautiful.”

 

“Is that an offer?” I breathe back without turning my head. “I have to warn you, I am waiting for my fiancé and she’s carrying a gun.”

 

She chuckles and I feel her pressing harder into me. “I love you Maura and you look really beautiful tonight.” She kisses the spot underneath my ear and sat down the same way ‘pretty face’ had done years ago. Her eyes caressing over me, from my head to my feet and back up again, she smiles at me, taking my hand to kiss it.

 

“Jane… I did ask you to come here for a reason.” I try not to look away in the sheer embarrassment of what I was about to confess to her. “As we attended the Halloween-ball I remembered something, something I had buried so deep inside, that it shocked me to the bones to remember.”

 

She looks at me confused, a little anxiously and the smile vanishes. I know I only make it worse with beating around the bush.

 

“I did what you whispered into my ear earlier. Before I came back to Boston I used to sit in bars around the airport in animus to get sex with completely strangers I would never see again after.”

 

The color in Jane’s face is coming back and she starts to laugh. “Gee… Maura. You had me really worried there for a moment.”

 

She looks at me. “Sorry… I don’t laugh about you, but for a moment I was afraid you would call off the wedding and were going to leave.”

 

“No! Never! I am just not proud of it and after I remembered I had to get it of off my chest… but I didn’t know how…,” she cuts me off. “Tell me about it, every little detail.”

 

“Jane…”

 

She smiles. “You unlashed the beast…now go on.”

 

And I tell her. I tell her how I booked a room with cash before I even entered the bar and how they never bothered to know your name if you tipped the staff generously. I tell her about Sam and our little game with the banknotes and about ‘pretty face’ and how disgusted I am by myself and that I wish I could just erase that part of my life and never look back.

 

“You know there is nothing wrong with it, as long as nobody got hurt,” she says in a calm voice, leaning closer. “How about we switch places? I think it would be pretty weird if I would leave and come back in here,” she whispers and gets up. “Let’s make some new memories. Text me your choice of hotel!”

 

**_Embassey Suites, 207 Porter Street_ **

****

As I walk into the bar I spot her right away, my knees are weak and my nerves are raw. I don’t know why, after all this is a game and the only one I am going to seduce is my future-wife. Like she senses my nervousness she looks at me for a second and she challenges me with her eyes.

 

I sit down across from her. Game on! Looking at her glass and knowing her taste I look around the bar and spot the bottle ‘Midleton-Very Rare’ and smile to myself. It sounds probably insolent from my mouth but her taste is indeed very fine. I remember the flavour of honey and almonds and fruits on her tongue. My father gave her a bottle of it before we returned from France and sometimes, at very special nights, she will savour a very little amount of it while we snuggle in front of the fireplace, reading a book together.

She nips at her glass and I could literally come right here watching her eyelashes snapping up and her gazing at me from down there. I shift on my stool uncrossing and crossing my legs on the other side. However visually appealing anyone of the men was I had sex with, no one ever had me this wet with just a glance. Well you could probably argue that I know what was waiting for me but brain work was not the activity I was looking for.

 

The poor guy who approached me first I nearly felt bad for, as harsh as I turned him down. Seeing Jane’s reaction it may not be my loss to play this game a little more seriously. So I accept the next offered drink from another man. Staring ever so often over to the beautiful woman across the bar, while nipping at my glass I pull my lower lip between my teeth watching her index finger caressing the rim of her whiskey tumbler round after round, slow and gentle. I close my eyes briefly, imagine the very same finger moving in the very same way around my areola.

 

I never in my life started sweating while just sitting anywhere. I have to say I still underestimate Jane a lot, playing the game of seduction very well. She captures a drop, making its way down the glass, with the same finger and sucks the tip between her lips. I sit there dumbstruck, obviously not knowing how to play that game anymore. I need a moment to composure myself a little.

 

Coming out of the stall and walking over to the sink I watch her making her way over to me. She leans down and breathes along my neck. I put my hands on the surface in front of me.

 

“If it wouldn’t be so inappropriate for a lady I would have a taste of you right here,” barely a whisper, and a moan rumbles through my chest. As I open my eyes again I am alone. Leaving the bathroom she’s back on her stool, passing her I drag my fingernails softly down her spine. Sitting down I stare into pitch black eyes and she looks like she would rather eat me alive.

 

The man whose drink I accepted strides over to me, trying to get my attention. The fire burning up in Jane’s eyes as he takes my hand makes me look at him. He’s not an Adonis but his features are visually pleasing and he has soft hands. Some years ago he would probably right now having bought his ticket for a ride with the ice-bitch. But tonight and hopefully every night in the future and very likely already since the day I met her, the smoking-hot Italian, sitting on the other side of the bar, is the only one who has the power to unlash my desire.

 

The guy sitting beside me tells me anything he can think of to help him to spread my legs and the only thing I can think of, is the unruly mane of long, black hair between them, making me beg her to never stop, beg her for more, beg her for mercy. I see his smile and I know he thinks that he will get lucky tonight and I also know that if I don’t do anything in the next minutes he will go for his goal.

 

I stand up and slowly circle the bar, coming to stand behind Jane. I make sure anyone is witnessing me shoving my key-card into her breast pocket, leaning close to her ear. “You have five minutes or you are damned to watch,” I whisper raw.

 

Putting a $100 note in front of her, Benjamin Franklin upside down towards the bar. She smirks and turns it around, now he’s upside down to the both of us. I lowly moan into her ear before I rip myself away and leave for my room.

 

The moment I hear the faint click of the lock I grab her lapels and pull her roughly into the room. Pinning her against the closed door, she turns us and lifts me up. Wrapping my legs around her I am the one with my back against the door now. My dress is high up around my hips and I feel her belt buckle pressing against my sex. I lean down and kiss her, hungrily and passionate at first but we slow it a bit and it turns to be more sensual.

 

R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I

 

“Egg whites for you, doc, and house special for you, hon.”  


“Thanks Hon! At… okay.” She cuts off the ears of her bunny. “You know what? At work, make normal pancakes.“

  
“I'd love bunny pancakes,“ I pout and she drops the ears on my plate.   


“Do not encourage her and you can blame yourself for not wanting pancakes.” She turns to her mother. “So we're clear, No zoo-animal shapes at work.”  


“Rabbits are not zoo animals. Well, except for the Washington pygmy, which is being bred in captivity.”

  
“Talk about breeding I could make bunny pancakes for grandchildren.”

  
“Mom!“  


“You both weren’t home last night… did you catch a new case?“

 

Jane drops her fork to the ground. “Uh-oh…,“ she stammers and then pick up the tone. “Again with the grandchildren?”   


“I thought having sex would make you less moody in the morning,” Angela hisses under her breath.”

 

Jane’s eyes widen. “What did you just say? I am so not…”

 

Angela picks up the fork. “Uhh…You know what that means.” She waves with the fork.  “Drop a fork, expect a female visitor.”

  
“Are you still menstruating, Angela?”

 

“Wha… Maura! God. No. Other kind of visitor… the person kind. She's very superstitious, my mother. She believes in all that stuff about cats and umbrellas and ladders. Had me convinced I was gonna paralyze her if I stepped on a crack.”

  
“Step on a crack, break your mother's back.” I sing-sang the nursery rhyme. “You believed that?“

 

„I was five…“ She looks at her mother. “Don't you have other customers?”

 

“Oh… my God. What is she doing here?”

 

I turn around. “Who's that?”

 

“Frankie's ex.”  


I watch Angela hugging the woman. “Oh… Looks like your mother likes her.”  


“Uh, no. That would be her "I can't stand you" hug, but she’s way too polite to call her the word that rhymes with ‘witch’.”  


 “…Bitch?“

 

“Shh!“ She shushes me.

 

“Jane? Look who I found!“ Angela walks over with the woman.

 

“Theresa, how,” Jane stands to hug her awkwardly.  “Uh… how you doing?”

 

“Jane. Wow!”

 

“Yeah.”  


“Long time.”  


“What are you doing here at… Boston Police Headquarters?”

 

“Just moved back to town.”  


“And you just thought you'd pop by the police department?”

 

“Job application.”  


“Ah. You're being fingerprinted?”

 

“It's mandatory for everyone applying.”  


“Sure. Sure. Especially for people who have other people co-sign a car loan and then default on that loan.”  


“Good seeing you, too, Jane.”  


“See you around.“  


“Wow. You just gave her your "I can't stand you" hug. Sheesh… uncomfortable.”

  
“You want uncomfortable? Try paying off Theresa's car loan while she skips town and leaves you holding the bag.“

  
“Well, perhaps you should've had her fingerprinted first.”  


“No. Not me. Frankie. It's the love of his life.”  


“She's very symmetrical.”  


“Excuse me?”

 

“Well, studies have shown that women who have symmetrical facial features are the most attractive to men.”  


“You're not helping.” Her cell phone rings. “Rizzoli.”  

 

We are called to a crime scene and first thing Jane tricks me into identify the gender of our burning victim. I can’t even act to be annoyed with her after watching her fist-bump combined with that hip-move.

 

First thing back in the morgue is getting the serial number of the titanium joint in our victims knee, so Jane and the other two have something to work with and would be distracted for a while, after all this autopsy was going to be hard and long. This wouldn’t add positively to Jane’s already stressed mood from meeting Frankie’s ex.

 

I am in the middle of the autopsy as my phone buzzes, notifying the incoming of a text message.

 

**_‘We identified the victim. Helen Downey, 43. Heading out to Hyde Park, house is near the crime scene. Love you poindexter. <3’_ **

****

**_‘Stay safe! Love you too roly-poly. <3’_ **

****

Somewhere along the way we established this kind of text. She knows how much I worry anytime they leave the bullpen, never knowing if I will ever see her again. The childhood-nicknames calm down the fear a little, but only a little. Not daring to think of all the bad things that could happen to her out on the streets.

 

I pull a new pair of gloves over as the lab comes back with the test of the substance in her pocket. I take another look at Helen’s lungs to confirm my findings. After repeating all of my steps I am sure she was burned alive. I call Jane and she puts me on video conference, showing me some kind of altar.

“What was it? Did she die by curse?”  

 

“No. I found soot lining her airway, edema in her lung tissue.”

  
“Maura, is it possible that Helen Downey was burned at the stake?”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I think Helen Downey was a witch,” she turns her phone down and I see her standing in the middle of a pentagram.

 

I get my medical bag and a lap case and head over to Helen Downey’s house. Jane is as impatience as ever.

 

“It's blood, right?” She paces up and down in front of the altar.

 

“I don't know yet.” I try to stay calm.

  
“Well, why did you rush all the way over here, if you're gonna take as long as you take in your lab?” very stressed out tone.

 

“Can you hover somewhere else?” I ask her, not that calm anymore. However affectionately we are in private, work is often the totally opposite.

 

“Somebody did get a visitor today,” she whispers under her breath. I look up to her, tempered to answer that maybe she got a ‘visitor’ as she is two days shy of her period.

 

Before the bickering can get going Sergeant Detective Korsak interrupt us. “Look at all these weird things. I had these crazy wiccan neighbours. Aggressive bunch. They took all the parking spaces.”

  
“Do you think Helen was a wiccan witch?” Jane asks, amused. The rest of us chuckles along with her.

 

“Wicca is a Neo-pagan religion. Its practitioners use white magic to bring about good,” I explain.

  
“This altar doesn't look like it's up to anything good,” Barry muses, walking up next to me.

  
“I agree. It suggests a darker, more traditional form of witchcraft,” I tell him.

  
“I don't even want to know how you know that,” Jane states.

  
“Phenolphthalein test indicates it is blood,” I look at the tubule I hold.

  
“Human?” Jane asks.

 

“This is an altar, not a crime lab,” I answer her.

  
“These bones have holes in them,” Vince’s holding up os femoris.  


“Perforations. This is from an articulated skeleton.”

  
“Connected like for a science classroom,” Barry asks even if it sounds more like a statement.  


“Yes. It's perfectly legal. You can buy it on eBay,” I answer him.

  
“Yeah, but you can't buy bowls of blood on eBay,” Jane interjects.

  
“Well, those who practice the dark arts give blood to use in spells.”  


“Again, never tell me how you know this,” she picks up a candle, resting on a photo.

  
“Black is used to cast an evil spell,” I muse.

  
“Is that hair and fingernails?” She asks, visible disgusted.

 

“Mm.” I pick up the scallop shell. “A love spell,” I smile at her.

  
“Helen never heard of online dating?” Frost laughs, with me along. “What's this for?” he asks, picking up another item.

 

“Amber. It's used to ward off disease.” I answer.

  
“That's the same stuff that we found on Helen.” She looks at the skull, holding up. “Okay.” She motions to another picture, which was placed underneath the skull. “What is she doing to this guy?”

 

I pick up some of the seeds. “Angelica root. It's used for protection.”

  
Jane motions from picture to picture. “So we've got evil, healing, love, and protection.”

  
“Adds up to one weird victim,” Vince stats.  

 

We need hours to process the home of our victim, bagging everything, not exactly knowing what is going to be relevant or not. As we are settled to leave it is already late and dark outside. I have to ride back to the crime lap, making sure everything is going to be handled properly. Vince sends Barry and Jane on their way home and I reassure Jane that I will be home too, within the next hour.

 

As I enter our house only the light above the kitchen counter is left on, a glass of red wine waiting along with a note, simply showing a drawn heart, for me on the breakfast counter. I smile at the lovingly scene. I take the glass with me, walking right upstairs. Leaving my clothes in the closet, for them to be taken to the dry cleaning I get rid of my boots. My underwear makes it into the hamper, I put down the glass on the dresser, next to the bathroom.

 

I join Jane in the shower, her back turned to the door, I wrap my arms around her. “I think I would have been accused for witchcraft, back in 1692,” I whisper.

 

“It’s truly sad how humans condemn anything they don’t understand,” she whispers back.

 

Laying her arms on top of mine, turning her head for a kiss. I am basking in the comfort of our state. Feeling grounded and safe and home in the relish of the hot water, streaming down over our connected bodies. Whatever happens out there, it stays out there. I will be forever grateful for which kind of fate or fortuity or whatever is responsible to be here now, with Jane and having found the missing part of my soul.

 

I plant a gentle kiss between her shoulder blades, scooting my nose along her skin. I take in a deep breath, her smell coursing through my head, replacing any other thought than being here, right where I want to be.

 

After spending a great amount of time in the shower we curled up against each other in bed. This is one of those nights where we rather spend hours snuggling and kissing, falling asleep in each others arms than breaking the magical softness with any kind of carnal desires.

 

Waking up in the very same position like we fell asleep I prop myself up on my right elbow, watching the deeply relaxed face of my fiancé, my future-wife. Wife… however often I am going to repeat it in the privacy of my own head, it never feels real. Like its not truly happening. Like on of my dreams back in the past. I am always afraid to wake up and find myself alone again in a way to big bed, surrounded by cold sheets and the bittersweet taste of happiness I only could have hidden in the nights blur.

 

I remember nights waking up aroused, but mostly I remember these nights I am afraid waking up to somewhere in the future. Nights I woke up after having dreamed about the gentle and tender Jane, the one adoring me, carrying me on her hands. Nights I felt loved to no end, nights we were happy. Just us, sometimes having a family together. Time, with sweet declarations of love and dedication. These nights I woke up crying, crying over having lost it all without even having a real taste of it.   

 

I lean over and kiss her carefully on the lips, not wanting to wake her from the peaceful slumber. Immediately she searches back my body-heat, scooting as close as she can, nuzzling her face into my chest like it is a pillow. I stroke with my thumb over her right ear. I live for moments like this, for the innocence of a new born day.

 

Jane and her partners will have to work through all of the collected genealogies and I am waiting for test results to come back, finishing my report of Helens autopsy. Just shy to noon she shows up in my office to get me for lunch. I grab my files and we head up to the café.

 

“The blood in the bowl didn't belong to Helen.”  


“Any chance we'll get a DNA hit?”

 

“Possibly. I'm still waiting on the results from the fingernails and hair from the altar.”

  
“Did you find anything to confirm that Helen was crazy? Korsak said that the real estate developer claims she was a nut bar.”

  
“You know, the genetics of mental illnesses are much more complex than the genetics of many of the rare, single-gene diseases.”

  
“Yes or no! Perfectly good answers…” She walks over, leaving me standing in the middle of the entrance.

  
“No.” I walk up behind her. Angela is packing a lunch bag for Frankie.

  
“Three sandwiches! Big lunch,” Jane asks and I immediately know her ‘gut’ is getting into action.   


“Yeah. I'm meeting some people.”  


“Is that why you're wearing all that cologne?”

 

I lean forward and take a smell. “It's quite lovely. Hints of orange blended with notes of cedar and… verbena.” Jane looks at me like she’s going to swallow me whole.

  
“Yeah. Thanks. Ma, I got to run.”

  
“Okay. See ya. Bye. Enjoy!” Angela shouts after him.

 

“Where's he off to?” Jane is leaning on the counter, her body language doesn’t promise much fun right now.  

 

“A picnic at the public gardens,” Angela answers.

  
“A picnic in November? Is it with Theresa?”

 

“Oh, I hope not. I mean, how could he not remember how much pain she put me through?”

 

“You? Ma, he was depressed for months when she found a new guy and dumped him on his ass… again.”

 

“I remember.”

  
“That can be quite serious. Broken heart syndrome, also known as stress-cardiomyopathy. It can cause rapid and severe heart-muscle weakness.”

  
“Oh, my God. You got to do something,” Angela addresses Jane and she is stun into silence. After Angela leaves for the kitchen I scoot over a little.

 

“You are really afraid of her to hurt Frankie, again?” I put both my hand on her forearm, slightly rubbing, wanting to comfort her.

 

“Well it would only fit her, she did it every time she showed up again.”

 

“Maybe we should… you know… have lunch at public gardens,” I whisper.

 

And that’s what we do. We pick up some fast food on the road and park the car at the nearest entrance, looking out for them and everything goes just fine until Jane’s phone rings and must have gotten Frankie to look around and spotting my car.

 

While Vince and Barry inform us about the finding of Helens will and the possible inherits, Frankie knocks onto my roof, making his presents knowing. He is annoyed and maybe a little angry about finding out that we followed him, but the most awkward part is the moment he has us meet his daughter. Lilly. A sweet little girl, a bright one. Maybe we should be happy but I clearly feel Jane’s whole body stiffen and I know she is not happy. After some more minutes of awkward conversation and weird silence Frankie excuses himself and leaves us back alone in the car.

 

“Lily is adorable. She looks like Frankie.”

  
“Yeah, she's really cute. And innocent… unlike her mother. My gut says Theresa's broke and she's using her kid to get Frankie back.”

  
“Paternity is very easy to check.”  


“Oh, sure, Maura. I'll just ask Lily for a little saliva. We got a lot of work to do.  
Let's get to Salem.”

 

“They call it ‘city of peace’ now.”  


“That's very nice of them, since they put 19 innocent people to death in the witch trials,” she grabs for her seatbelt.

  
“What? Salem was my favorite field trip. I've been there six times.”

 

We need short of thirty minutes to get there. Mostly we muse about the whole ‘Lilly being Frankie’s daughter or not’ thing and for once I not stop her about all what if’s and what if she’s not. I know she needs to prepare herself for what might going to happen inside the family. So I let her just voice anything she needs to get off her chest. Only give my own two cents into it reassuring her that we will manage it and that we will find a way to deal with Theresa if we need to.

 

Jane and Barry interview the three other members of the coven and I take DNA samples from them. Our ride back to the station is a little slower because we hit the first wave of rush hour. This time Jane is oddly quiet and I know she is concocting something.

 

Back at the station we both learn that Angela already knows about her granddaughter and she is ecstatic. She even asks for a family get-together, beside the usual Sunday dinner. Jane and I differ in opinion. I don’t know Theresa, but if Jane dislikes her so much it must be for a solid reason, but after all if Lilly is Frankie’s daughter at least Angela deserves the chance to get her to know. So I support the idea of a dinner with the whole family and Jane will come around.

 

Vince and Jane leave to interview Reverend Scott, he had being harassing Helen over the phone hundred of times in the past six month. We all four meet for the séance in Helen’s house.

 

“Ugh. What is she doing?”

 

“A feeding ritual. In the Hua society of New Guinea, feeding and sexual intercourse are believed to transfer the vital essence, nu.”

  
“I'm leaving if sexual intercourse is next,”

  
“I'm not.”

  
“Me either.”

 

Jane leans over to me. “You know this totally killed the charm of feeding each other… for me.”

 

“Well we’ll see about that…,” I whisper back.

  
“We call upon the powers that be to open a doorway to the other side and allow us to conjure, stir, and summon the spirit of Helen Downey.”

  
“I don't like this,” Korsak whispers.

  
“It's okay. If you get scared, you can hold my hand,” Barry whispers back and makes us all smile.

  
“Helen, are you with us?” 

 

‘Fig’ is the word spelled by the Ouija-board.

  
“Fig. Ooh. Spooky,” Jane is clearly annoyed already.

  
“I just had one in your honor, Helen.” He looks over, addressing us. “She loved figs.” He looks back up. “Helen, do you know who killed you?”

 

This time the board spells ‘Yes’.

  
“How reliable is that thing?” Vince asks Barry.

 

“I am your vessel. Tell me who killed you, Helen?”

 

A creepy silence falls over the room until Grayson is shaking and convulsing, he screams like he is in unbearable pain, his eyes turn into his head. “My killer is near!” He collapse to the floor and every candle in the room is extinguished one by one without anyone being near them. We are all shocked into silence for some minutes.

 

Jane is the only one who isn’t really impressed.

  
“Helen said her killer was near.”

  
“Really? ‘Helen said’?”  

 

“Well, you're right. That sounded a little silly.”

  
“A little?”

 

“I don't suppose you've heard of the ideomotor effect.”  


“Sure. That's when idiots pretend to talk to the dead,” sarcasm dripping from every word.  


“Unconscious muscular actions in response to a thought or idea. It could be why the board moved.”  


“Fake. Phony. Like Theresa, who I now get to watch chew with her mouth open, thanks to you.”

 

“If it’s going to help I will whisper something dirty in your ear anytime she upsets you,” I whisper low, leaning up, kissing her neck before we enter our home, walking into them all being strewn around the main floor.  

 

“Okay. It's heavy,” Angela helps Lilly to carry the roasted meat over to the dinning table. “Okay! Frankie, you get to do the honors.”  


“You sure?” he asks.

 

“Yeah,” it comes without any hesitation from Angela.

 

“Okay,” Frankie kisses his mother on the cheek.

  
Despite all her grumpiness Jane smiles all over her face. “Wow. Ma's never let anybody but pop cut the meat before.”

  
“Well, now that Frankie's a father,” I am happy as long as she is happy.

  
“We don't know that, Maura,” she hisses.

 

We set the table together while Frankie is cutting the meat.

 

“So, how'd the job interview go?” Angela asks.

 

“Good. They said they'd let me know by the end of the week,” Theresa answers, chewing with her mouth open.

 

I am already waiting for Jane’s famous spires. “So, uh, you’re looking into the food-service industries?” Here we go.

 

“I haven't worked in a fast-food restaurant in years. I'm in medicine now.”

  
“Medicine? Really?” I ask before Jane can say something cruel.

 

“I'm a nurse. Oh. Nurse's aide.”

  
“Oh, wow. That's great. So you, like, change sheets and empty bedpans. That sort of stuff?” Tried and failed.

 

“I'm getting certified.”

  
“That's wonderful. I'm sure you're a very nurturing person,” I try to relax the tense a little, at least for the sake of that innocent girl.  


“Yeah, that's… that's what we've always said about her. Isn't that right, mom?” Jane glares at Theresa, smiling all over.

 

“Hmm?” Angela nearly chokes on her water. “We sure did.”

  
She picks up a plate and turns to me. “Would you like a potato?”

 

I take it and Jane gets ready for her next bat. “So, uh, what brings you back to Boston?”

 

“I wanted my daughter to have some stability. Be around family, you know?”

 

“Of course! Family is the…,” Angela is cut off by Jane. “How are your parents?”

 

“Jane?” Frankie is pissed, holding a plate with meat in front of her. Theresa seems to be uncomfortable. “Thank you,” Jane says overly cheeky.   


“Wow. Lily, my goodness. You are so grown-up. How old are you?” She leans over.

 

“Seven,” Lilly answers.

  
“Seven? Wow. You are almost as old as your mommy's Camry,” now she is driving it up to the peak.

  
“Jane, come help me in the kitchen,” Frankie is impolite to the point.

  
“I'm not finished,” Jane answers like nothing has happened.

  
“This will just take a second,” her brother further talks.

  
“Hey, Frankie, get me some more wine,” Theresa commands like he’s her butler.

 

I take Jane’s hand under the table and lean over. “Baby I know you don’t like her but please be a little nicer, for me, for Lilly.” I lean closer to her. “I am going to reward it generously,” I whisper sultry, caressing with my index down her middle finger, over her palm.

 

I can’t understand a single word they exchange and as Frankie comes back to the table, where it is almost frightening quiet, Jane’s phone rings. I excuse myself from the dinner and walk over to her and she tells me that another witch got attacked.

 

“Get your purse,” she whispers.

  
“What?” I am totally confused.

 

“Get your purse,” she looks over to it and to the cup standing on the counter and I understand.

  
“Oh, my God.” She hesitates for a moment. “I'm going straight to hell. I'm stealing the sippy cup.” She puts it in my purse and shoves it into my arms. “Go to the car. Go,” she whispers.

 

After processing the crime scene in the occult-store we head over to the crime scene at Grayson’s home, where Barry and Vince found him dead in the bath tube. It being already pretty late we make it home and straight to bed.

 

“How comes that with every tough case a Rizzoli-drama is coming along?” Jane muffles into the crock of my neck.

 

I am playing with the ends of her hair, kissing her temple. “It only seems to be that way. We are not that different from any other family, I am sure of that…aaaaand Italians tend to be more dramatically.”

 

“Should I feel insulted?” she asks grinning against my skin.

 

“No… I love your little dramas, because I love you. I hope I never fall out of favour with you, you can be a pretty little bitch if you disgrace someone.”

 

“I know… that’s my middle-name.”

 

“I thought that was Clementine?” I ask laughing and earn a famous Jane-Rizzoli-death-glare.

 

“I swear to God, Dorothea if you ever, ever start calling me with my full name like my mother I am filling for divorce, immediately.”

 

“You wouldn’t…”

 

“Try me Maura. Try me…”

 

I search her lips for a kiss, whispering against them. “Are you too tired for me to make good on my promise?”

 

“I didn’t behave…,” I stop her with another kiss. “You didn’t… but you fought like a lioness for the one you love and that’s a terrible nice turn-on.”

 

R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I

Working on Grayson Bennett’s autopsy, Vince attending Frankie storms into my morgue in search of Lilly’s princess cup, knowing very well I am not able to lie about its whereabouts and to top all of it Angela comes down, carrying a plastic back with a used napkin in it. This all doesn’t matter anymore as I find undigested figs in Grayson’s stomach.

 

Sabrina, the youngest member of the coven is suffering from schizophrenia and tries to burn also Sage, the last member still alive aside from herself. Jane brings her over to Bridgewater State Hospital and we met at the Robber winding down before going home.

 

Lying already in the bath tube I wait for Jane. I haven’t to wait that long until she strides through the door, carrying glasses and a bottle of red wine, stark naked. She sets everything down on the floor and climbs in between my knees. I lift my right foot and press it softly against her stunning abs and make her sit down opposite from me.

She catches my foot running over her front and kisses the bottom of it. “You know the kid is really adorable but I am so not looking forward spending holidays with Theresa.”

 

“Maybe they can arrange some compromise, splitting the holidays between both of them. As much as I like to be polite I am not willing to make you feel uncomfortable in our own home and I am really looking forward to our first Christmas as a couple and I don’t want to have it ruined because of an unwelcome guest at our table.”

 

I free my foot from her, sit up and crawl over, on top of her. “Frankie seemed happy about being a father and I think he is going to be a good one.”

 

“Yeah I know and Ma is over the roof, well… that probably gives us some rest… I am happy too, for him… if it wasn’t Theresa… every other girl but this woman is like the plague.”

 

“As much as I would like we can’t change the facts, we are going to carry that burden together and make the best out of it.”  
   
 

**So… there it is. I totally don’t like Theresa but I adored the idea of Frankie being a father. To that time I liked him a lot…back then and I hate it that he turned into this whiney, dumb baby.**

**Thanks for reading!**  

**Have a nice day 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 

 


	40. When the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will contain two EP’s of R&I (2x09/2x12)… 
> 
> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

**_“As much as I would like we can’t change the facts, we are going to carry that burden together and make the best out of it.”_ **

**Maura’s POV**

 

Jane, being one of the best in her division, wasn’t exempt from doing a night shift every once in a while. I heard the unmarked pulling up into the driveway making my way over to the door to welcome her at home. I totally had forgotten that we had planned a run and breakfast together before she would went to bed, being on call for the next two days.

 

So I was surprised to not find her in her usually attire but in a jogging suit and running shoes, tying up her hair in a ponytail. She only shook her head looking at me, not being dressed for a run. She still leaned in for a kiss…

 

“Hey babe, once you touched it, you gotta do something with it.”

 

Well… there goes my good-morning-kiss as she rushes past me. “Babe? What is Tommy doing here so early?”

 

“It not early as much as late. He spent the night, playing chess.” I walk over to our dining table. “He’s quite good. Knight to B3.”

 

“Declining the gambit. Risky move. Morning sis.”

 

“I didn’t realize you two were so chummy,” I sense some annoyance in her voice. Okay she has every right to it… I forgot our run while playing chess with her brother.

 

“Oh… this isn’t chummy. I’ve all but destroyed his king’s pawn defense.”

 

“Whatever,” Tommy states.

 

“Good for you,” I don’t know if she’s tired or… I would nearly say she sounds pretty pissed.

 

“Mom goes to Atlantic City for a few days and as soon as I pull a night shift you are sleeping over?”

 

“Like she said Jane, we’re just playing chess.”

 

She stomps over to the hallway, aiming for upstairs. “Best opponent I ever faced,” Tommy calls behind her. I am blushing and asking him to stop. Jane’s phone went off.

 

She turns around. “Come on, we got a possible homicide. We got to go.”

 

“I am about to castle and I haven’t been called in yet.” Ten seconds later my phone rings too.

 

I lean down and whisper. “No moves without me.” I am not sure but I think I hear her say ‘No moves at all’.

 

Before I can get out of the car she turns around, facing me. “Okay Maura I totally trust you and I know you are a little naive sometimes but I totally not trust my brother. It never stopped him before that he possibly destroyed relationships and he didn’t make a halt to pinch Frankie’s girlfriend… more than once.”

 

“Oh Jane, he is going to be my brother-in-law. I want to have a bond with him. There is nothing to worry about.”

 

She gets out of the car.

 

“I am not worried about you cheating on me. I only warn you once, don’t let Tommy overstep the boundaries. He’s my brother but he has no limits when it comes to certain things.”

 

“I am only interested in a relationship like I have with Frankie and he has a beautiful mind.”

 

“He barely graduated high school.”

 

“Well Bobby Fischer was a high-school dropout, and he’s a world chess champion.”

 

“Neighbourhood thieves stripped this baby clean last night,” Vince states as we come closer. “Didn't get around to calling us about all the blood in it, till an hour ago.”

  
“What, they steal the victim, too?“ Jane asks sarcastically.  

 

“All we know is that there was one.”

  
“Well, it's a good place to dump a car if you're gonna kill somebody in it.”

 

I look into the car. “Two distinct patterns of arterial spray. Both the victim's carotids were severed. Whoever sat here, is most certainly dead.“

  
“Without a body, we're gonna need as much evidence as we can get. Uh… hey officer, spread the word that BPD will pay triple what any pawn shop or fence will pay for anything stripped off this car, no questions asked.”

 

He turns around. “Okay.“

  
“And… uh… anything that gets turned in, homicide gets it first.  


“It's Duncan, by the way.”

  
“What?”

 

“My name, Officer Ronald Duncan.”

  
“Did I say something wrong?”

 

“People just like to be acknowledged, Jane. Which reminds me…,” she cuts him of. “No.”

  
“Jane… sensitivity training is mandatory for the entire department, and it's incumbent on me to make sure that you attend. Look, I don't want to pull rank,” Korsak explains following her hot on her heals circling the car.

  
“I'm in the middle of a homicide investigation. I don't have time to go sit with some emo-Nazi and have her tell me what I can or cannot say to all the lowlifes and scumbags and gang bangers that I got to deal with,” she races out, talking herself into rage.

  
“Nice,“ Barry seems pretty impressed. “Uh… car belongs to a Melissa Joy Black from Michigan. Called Ann Arbor P.D. No stolen-car report. They checked her phone there, disconnected.“

  
“Yeah, well, it's 'cause she lives in Boston now.” She points to the front window of the car. “That's a current parking pass at the local terminal. My guess is Melissa Joy works at the docks.”

  
“Secretary in one of the offices, maybe?“

 

“Well, now that's a very sexist remark coming from a guy who's pitching sensitivity training.”

  
“She's 5'2" working at the docks. How's that sexist?“

 

„Because a mesomorphic woman of that height could easily lift two times her body weight, Detective Korsak,” I state.

  
“Frost, e-mail this to me? Hey, you want to process the crime scene. I'm gonna go to the docks. See ya.“

 

She turns around to me. “You, of course, are coming with me.”

  
“Well, you know, I'm beginning to think that you are deliberately trying to take me away from my chess game.”

  
“Yes, Maura, I am sabotaging your knight-to-queen castle thingy move.” She narrows her head to the side pointing to her unmarked. “I drove you here.”

 

_Yes… well… way to make a fool of yourself, Isles._

                                                                                                             

We drive over to the docks.

 

“Hey, babe. Nice tits,“ one of the worker throws at Jane. As much as it is sexist, I can not disagree.  

  
“Oh, yeah, we've been waiting for you all our lives,” she calls out to him, turning towards me. “What's he think we're gonna do? Just run over there and tear off his clothes?”

 

 “He's not thinking consciously at all. It's a natural chemical response to our pheromones,” I explain.

  
“Really? ‘Nice tits’ is a natural chemical response?” I have to laugh at her response.

 

“Perceived fertility is Paramount. Males seek mates capable of nursing offspring.  
Abundant breasts do suggest…,”

 

“Yeah, you know what his abundant belly suggests? Snowball's chance in hell!” Once more I can’t suppress to laugh at her comment.

  
“Here…the office is over here.” She let me enter first. “Oh, hey, excuse me. Can you tell me who's in charge here?”

 

“Uh… He's busy.”

  
“So am I. Boston Homicide,” she flashes her badge to the woman and she points over to a table.

  
“Hey, what can I do for you lovely ladies?” An overly slimy man approaches us.

 

Jane is already pretty annoyed. “That's a doctor. I'm a detective. And you are?”

 

“Ray Murphy. I'm the Union rep around here. Is there a problem?”

 

“Are you familiar with this employee? Melissa Joy Black?” She shows him the photo Barry e-mailed her.

 

“Well, I can tell you she's not one of the office girls,” his smile is disgusting.

  
“It appears every female here is over the age of 18,” I simply state and he understands the treat immediately.

  
“Could she be a longshoreman?” Jane asks.

 

“I guess she could be one of the casual workers, but we don't have many gi… girls.” Jane, and her famous death-glare are scarring him obviously.

  
“Um, let me have you talk to one of the Union bosses. Axl! This detective needs to talk to you.”

  
“You're a cop. That's a turnoff,” the worker having made the remark about Jane’s breasts appears behind us.

  
“Bummer.” Jane answers bored. “Do you recognize her?” She also shows him the photo.

 

“M. J. Yeah! She walked off the job halfway through her shift yesterday. Affirmative-action hires are bullshit. No muscle, no use.”

  
“Actually, male and female muscle tissue is identical. What varies is the size of the male skeletal frame. Men generally have less body fat.” I correct him, looking closer at him and his massive body I state a simple fact. “But not always.”

 

I may be polite most of the time but I am having a quick tongue when I have to have.

There is a rumour outside, people are yelling all at once. Jane and I run outside, reaching the source.

 

“Tide started going out when one of the guys noticed her,” one of the workers informs Jane.

 

“It's Melissa Joy Black. Is that…”

 

“It's an ice pick, Jane”

  
“Doesn't mean he's back.”

  
“Yes, it does.”

  
Jane calls her former partner for backup and he arrives not long after.

 

“Paddy Doyle's signature! Ice pick through the heart, with a message attached,” Vince states what we all already know.

  
“I guess he didn't like e-mail. What kind of message is he sending, though, with the murder of a 22-year-old female dockworker?”

 

“Whatever it is, I won't be the one forensically interpreting it. I'm calling in Dr.  
Pike from the Western Mass office.”

  
“Oh no, anybody but him! Don't know what's worse, his pompous attitude or his O.C.D.”

  
“That's very insensitive language, Sergeant Korsak. I'm sure language like that would really hurt Dr. Pike's feelings,” Jane mocks her former partner. Although I would had have laughed at any other given opportunity, I didn’t feel like laughing at the moment.

  
“Come on, Maura. You don't have to do this. All right? The only people who know about your connection to Doyle are us and Frost.”

  
“We may finally be able to prosecute Paddy Doyle for murder. I don't want to risk a defense attorney finding out that he's my biological father and using it against us in court.”  


“What are you gonna tell Pike?”

 

“We don't have to tell him anything. I'm his boss.”

 

I grab my medical bag and leave the crime scene immediately. Sometimes I think Jane is right, every time we are happy anything comes crashing down on us. Only this time it isn’t a ‘Rizzoli-drama’ like she calls it, this time it is my mob-boss father, only a few people know about.  


 

 

 

R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I

 

Frankie was waiting for the door to open and as his brother appears into his sight he didn’t waste a second grabbing him by his lapels, shoving him into the next wall.

 

“I’m going to say that only once, you better listen very closely. When we were teenagers this may have been not that much of a deal, you hitting on my girlfriends, but… if you don’t back off from Maura, I will hurt you badly and that’s a promise.”

 

Without another word he let go of his brother, turned and left towards his patrol car waiting in the driveway. Of course he was angry with his brother at the time, for stealing him one or two girls he liked, but that wasn’t some serious relationship back then.

 

After they had came back in from the docks Jane seemed to be disturbed. Yeah it could have had something to do with their case, but she seemed different. Not entirely moody, but different. He couldn’t explain but he knew something was wrong… and then she had confessed. She told him how Tommy had sneaked his way into their home, taking advantage of Maura’s kind- and greenness.

 

The genius doctor may be just that, a genius but she was like an innocent five year old kid when it came to her abilities to differ between kindness and slimy behaviour. And his brother was definitely slimy, when it came to beautiful woman.

 

For once he was going to be the protector. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for his sister, and nothing he wouldn’t do for his sister at heart, even if that meant to break his own brothers nose and probably more if it came to that. He adored their relationship and he loved them both and he was going to fight, no matter of who would be his opponent.

 

R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I

 

**Jane’s POV**

                        

„Could he be more anal?”

 

“Actually, yes. Although he exhibits many of the classic Freudian traits… rigidity, fixation on rules and orderliness, his autopsy work is less than meticulous.”  


“When will you be starting?”

 

“Momentarily. Seems not much stock is put in the proper placement of instruments here.”  


“You gonna let him talk to you like that?”

 

„This is ridiculous.“  


“You're his boss,“ I motion my head in Pike’s direction.  


“Is there something particular you require, doctor?” Maura asks him.

 

“Yes. Organization.” Pike picks up the metal ruler measuring the neck wound. “Now, we have a well-developed female Caucasian, with an incised gaping wound across the neck.”  


“Later that same day…,” I roll my eyes, crossing arms in front of my chest. This guy is a pain in the ass.

 

“I do miss this. Not many near decapitations in the hinterlands of Western Massachusetts.  
The ice pick is a nice touch, though unnecessary, she bled out in under a minute. That Doyle really is a butcher, isn't he?“

 

“Will you excuse me…,“ Maura make a quick escape out of the morgue. I consider really seriously shooting that ass, for some seconds.

 

“Don't let that idiot get to you.” I smile at her, walking into Maura’s office

  
“Well, I can't fault him for telling the truth. Paddy Doyle is a butcher.“  


“Paddy Doyle has nothing to do with you.“  


“He fathered me.“

  
„He… simply provided the sperm. All right? And judging by the amazing person that you turned out to be, his DNA didn't win.”

  
“I don't understand the strategy behind this attack.“

  
“Well, that's simple. I mean…, Doyle is just trying to scare the hell out of anybody that won't do his bidding at the docks.”  


“No. I… I meant Tommy's decision to move his rook to b5.”

  
“Wait a minute. My little brother is im'ing you at the office and sending you little smiley faces, and you still think he’s just nice?”

 

“Well, you and I keep in touch throughout the day.”

 

“Yeah Maura, you and I also sleep together, is that something you plan to do too, just because you do it already with me.”

 

“That’s redi…,”

  
“Oh! Mm…Mnh…mnh,” FUCK! I need a hideout. NOW! Scooting over to the door I make it behind it. Just in time.

  
“What…”

 

“Shh!”

 

“I hope you can forgive me for my invasion of your personal space. Allow me to introduce myself so we can dialogue. My name is Carol Madigan. Sensitivity training liaison.” Could anyone possibly be more slimy?

  
“Dr. Maura Isles. How may I help you?”

 

“I'm looking for Detective Rizzoli, who I'm told is here, although she's scheduled to be in my ‘connect, protect, and respect’ class. You seen her?“  

 

“I believe she is in the building. Um, but… I don't…see her right now,” which isn’t a lie as the door is blocking her view, but she sounds uncomfortable anyway.  


“Tell her I'm looking for her.”

  
“Where's Jane?” Korsak asks.

 

I jump out of my hiding place. “You sicced that sensitivity freak on me? “

 

“Freak? Maybe you do need sensitivity training.”

  
“Got the victim, Melissa's, address. You gonna hide, or you want to come with me?“

 

“How'd you get it?“

 

“Melissa had to file a dockworker's card with homeland security, they had a local address.”  


“Great work, Sergeant Detective Korsak. I think that we should investigate, but what do you think?” 

 

We drive over to Silver Street and are met with one of the saddest scenes you are about to witness. The sister of our victim nursing the, in some extend brain-dead, father of both of them. We also learn that possible their father was a fall guy, victimized for some bigger kind of game and that probably Melissa made it her one and only goal to clear the name of her father, accused to have been had an accident while being drunk at work.

 

Sometimes my job makes it hard to believe… hard to believe in God and the higher goal… Why does it always have to crack the poorest of the poor?

 

While we talked to Shannon, Frost informed us about the SD card that was found in Melissa’s stomach. Back in the HQ we can have a look at some frames of the video, according to Barry the stomach ace did a lot of damage and so we are not able to get the sound, yet. So Korsak and I drive over to the docks again, trying to find someone who, maybe, will talk to us.

 

Well…Axel, the oh so self-confident union boss does himself no service grabbing my ass and while Korsak cuffs him I get a call from Frost, informing me that Paddy Doyle’s right hand man Kevin Brennan was found shot to death in a warehouse on Fargo Street.

 

The moment I see Pike walking up to the crime scene something doesn’t feel right and as he tells me that Maura isn’t reachable I am done. I never in my life drove that fast… Maybe she needs just some time to herself… when calling her over and over again and her phone isn’t turned off but she doesn’t answer I know something is very, very off.

 

I cock my gun and am out of my car the second it comes to a halt. Our front door is left ajar… the moment I pass the threshold with my gun raised Maura calls out for me… but he’s already gone, left Maura and Tommy bound to each other at the dining table. I am torn… relieved that my brother was there so she wasn’t alone but also pissed that he was there…again, the Doyle debacle making it perfectly round. Our living room looks like an ER after a bomb went off in there…the backdoor is broke down, cushions, with blood all over it, smeared towels and supplies lying all around the floor.

 

Tommy butts in… he tries to tell me that Paddy loves Maura and underlying tries also to tell me how my job would be done the right way… and he has the nerve to yell at me… I love my brother… he’s my brother after all but enough is enough… One look from me and he backs off, knowing very well he overworked my nerves right now, leaving our house without another word.  

 

I draw Maura a bath and while she is soaking in the water I go downstairs and clean up the mess Irish mob left behind. Preventively fixing our backdoor and barricading the gate, leading from the courtyard to the driveway I am greeted by a Maura, standing in her robe in the kitchen, sipping a glass of wine.  

 

She looks up to me… searching my eyes, making her way over to me, slowly. Her right hand comes up and fixes a strand of hair out of my face, palm coming to rest against my cheek. “Please don’t leave me tonight…”

 

I am pissed and I am tired. I press my face against her palm… I should leave and work non stop on this damn case… I shouldn’t leave because my sweet little girl needs some shelter tonight… I should leave because I will make sure Tommy is gonna hear her over in the guesthouse…

 

I pick her up bridal style and while I carry her upstairs she presses herself as close as possible to me. Fuck the case and fuck being tired and most important fuck behaving immature… the last time I check the clock it’s four in the morning and the only things our walls could probably talk about are whispered pleas and gently silenced moans…

 

**Maura’s POV**

 

The day was draining and I am the furthest away from being horny but the same moment I need her, emotionally, more than ever before. I know she’s tired and I know she probably would head back to work, finding Melissa’s murder but I can’t let her go. The moment she places me on the mattress I pull her gently down with me… clothes, gun, phone, boots… I feel her badge pressing onto my hipbone. I discard her service weapon first, let it slowly glide out off my fingers, right next to our bed. Her cuffs next, putting them down on the nightstand without looking. I place her phone between our cushions and I close my hand hard around her golden shield at her back while never stop kissing her sensually.

 

I undress her… piece after piece in probably the most awkward way, because I can’t have it to even just let the tiniest bit of room getting between us, lying underneath her. After she’s completely stripped down the movements have provided my robe to shift. The belt still closed, the right side also still in place… kind of, but the left one… The hem is barely covering my nipple and both my stomach and sex are touching Jane’s naked skin without any layers between.

 

The whole day she had this sad look in her eyes… it felt somehow like she was terribly hurt, deep down. She was withdrawn, like I never saw her before… I only hope this has nothing to do with her brother, because I would never make her chose…

 

I pull both of her hands from my face and lead her slowly underneath my robe, onto my breasts. We are still kissing, her palms gently touching me, her thumbs slowly caressing the swells on my chest in a wiping motion. Slowly I am drifting into oblivion, into the state she’s only capable to bring me. All the odd sensations, happening down in our living room… the creepy kind of connection to the man, who is my biological father, I felt for some seconds, begin to fade and replaced by the more than welcomed sensation of being physically and emotionally loved.

 

Her lips and fingers are burning like fire on my skin. Her gentleness with me reaches a whole new universe and the need to cry, about how she makes me feel, is nearly unbearable. She makes love to me for hours, so shy and carefully that even a noise a tick above a whisper seems to be too fragile to let it out into the night. I leave a bit mark at her right, front delta muscle the first time I climax to her caresses.

 

With only a few hours of sleep I pick up Dr. Pike’s autopsy-report from Melissa, going over it… back and forth. One thing got my attention already the first time I read it… or more what I didn’t get to read. I am not in the mood to let anything crush my shortly recovered little bit of self-confidence again but it is in vain, pointing out for Dr. Pike that he missed to search for any kind of evidence in Melissa Black’s teeth or mouth. He even makes me loose my temper for a tiny moment…

 

After getting the dead body of Melissa back from the funeral home I instruct him where he should have to look for possible particles, hiding in her teeth… and indeed there is found a piece of skin… and another victim with an ice pick sticking out of his heart. At least we know even before the lab results are coming back that Ray Murphy is definitely involved in Melissa’s murder as her dental impression matches the bite on his arm.  

 

Then Barry finds the great break-trough, encoding the footage Melissa backed up online and after arresting Sutton, Jane has no more excuses for skipping her sensitivity training.  Wrapping up the case I make my way home just as Angela arrives back from visiting her cousin and while she excitedly tells us about her get-away, directly falling back into her usually role, being a mother through and through she gets dinner going, while Tommy and I sit together for another game of chess.

 

Jane arrives half and an hour later having passed her sensitivity training with flying colors, as she put it, her phone rings and I instantly hope it isn’t another case, because apart from the two hours last night she didn’t get any sleep in the past two days.

 

Her words let me listen attentively. “How did you get this number?” I immediately stand up and she turns the phone so I can listen.

 

“I'm one of the good guys compared to this new way of doing business. I know you know that.”  


“I'm not sure I do. Where are you?”

 

“You know I'm not telling you.”  


“Well, that's too bad. Why don't you tell me about Melissa Joy Black?”

 

“Back when I ran the docks, we didn't kill women or hurt hardworking people like her father, Richie.”

 

“Well, that was ruled an accident.”  


“Yeah… Check the DNA on the blood alcohol test they said was Richie's. Take care of my daughter.”

  
“I can take care of myself. Hang up,” I say  


“I do think he loves you.”  


“It doesn't mean I have to love him back.”  


Angela walks over to the dining table, wanting to set down the salad. “Oh! What happened to the door?”

 

“Tommy forgot his keys,” Jane jumps to rescue me.

  
“Tommy, you know better than that,” she scolds poor Tommy but he remains silent. Jane walks over to him.  


“Oh. I make a suggestion?” She picks up my bishop, beats Tommy’s queen and… “Checkmate.”  


“What… you know how to play chess?”

 

“Yeah, who do you think taught him? Tommy's not the only Rizzoli with a beautiful mind.”

 

She turns, grabs a beer and gets upstairs, taking a shower before our exceptional late-night dinner. Settling down on the couch with two glasses of red wine and soon ending unclothed fooling around under the cozy, white teddy-blanket we both fall asleep.

 

The moment I wake Jane is lying on top of me, the blanket only halfway draping over her naked body, my left hand fully palming her bottom cheek. I nuzzle my nose into her hair. “Jane… wake up baby,” I kiss her neck softly.

 

Jane stirs and mumbles in her sleep like she does most of the time. “As much as I love you honey… need more sleep.”

 

 

“We have to get that breakfast going…if we want to surprise your mother,” I scoot the tip of my tongue along the sternocleidomastoid muscle on her left side. “And as much as I love every curve of yours I can’t move as long as you’re on top of me.”

 

“Now you’re complaining…?” she chuckles tiredly, opening her eyes, smirking.

 

“Oh… I am far from complaining,” I scoot as close as possible to her ear and breathe seductive. “I am not the one freaking out, because it is not my gluteus maximus your mother is going to stare at the moment she will burst in here.” I pinch her lightly.

 

“Dirty move…,” she groans and stretches on top of me, making sure she presses every part of her body extra hard into mine.

 

“Look who’s now the one with the dirty moves,” I moan. Her hands begin to wander, up my sides. “Jane… we have to stop… now.”

 

“Yeah, yeah…I know…I know… it’s my mothers birthday and she’s the one getting the presents…,” she’s faking annoyance, standing up. She looks at me for a moment, leaning down and presses a gentle kiss onto my lips. “Come on party pooper, you made me wake up… now we get that breakfast going.”

 

I stand up myself and reach for my clothes, but before I can grab them Jane is pressing up behind me, wrapping the blanket around both of us. “At least we can make it in the nude, she won’t be over until seven.”

 

We are about to finish the scrambled eggs as there is a soft knock at the backdoor and Angela comes in. Jane has her arms around my belly, holding the blanket tight, her chin resting on my right shoulder.

 

Angela smiles at us. “Go, get dressed I’ll finish that up.” As I am about to protest, she cuts me off. “Go! I don’t die splitting up scrambled eggs on four plates.”

 

At breakfast Tommy tells us that he’s found an apartment and will be moving out of the guesthouse within the next days. As Jane has to work today he offers me to help preparing the meal for birthday diner tonight.

 

„Hmmm. Maura, that was an amazing meal,“ Jane puts down her fork.

  
“Well, I had help from one of the guest of honor. He's a remarkable sous-chef.”

  
“Didn't even know what that was till this afternoon.”

  
“Tommy, the vegetables were delicious and thank you Maura, honey,“ Angela beams proudly at him, then looking over at me.

  
“Ma, he sliced a celery stalk.“

  
“I cut up the broccoli, too.“ Frankie looks over and claps his hands, snidely. I don’t know what’s going on but both, Jane and Frankie are behaving weird in the last days being around Tommy, especially Frankie.

  
“Okay, so, when do we get to see this fabulous apartment of yours?”

 

“Soon… as I have the money to get the lights turned on.”

  
“Well, I told you I'd be happy to co-sign.”

  
“No,” both Jane and Frankie shout in unison.

 

“No,” Tommy also says, looking at me

  
“But if you need help moving in…”

 

“Actually, I moved in today. A buddy of mine helped me.”

  
“Look at him. My baby's leaving the nest again and this time, he's on the straight and narrow.”

  
“Your baby's 25.“

  
„Stop it,“ Jane mumbles under her breath.

 

After having some more coffee I send Jane on the way with Frankie, meeting for poker with Vince and Barry, assuring her that I am able to put the dishes into the washer on my own. I don’t hear the backdoor being opened.

  
“Hey.”

  
I turn around, smiling at Tommy. “You're back.”

  
“Yeah. We really didn't get a chance to talk. I'm gonna miss our chess games.”

  
“Me too,” I smile at him again.

  
“Anyway, a token of my appreciation.”

 

He hands me a bottle of red wine. “Wow. This is a 1994 Chateau de Gordes. It's very rare.”

  
“Yeah… Like you,” I know what is happening right now, I know it… but I am too overwhelmed from my own blindness, to react. He leans down and just before his lips can touch mine I press my palm against his chest, hard, stopping him.

 

“Whoa.” Oh boy… I… “I should finish these dishes.” Jane is going to flip…  


“Yeah. Okay. Well, good night.”

  
“Wait, Tommy.” I want to tell him that it is possible better if he’s the one confessing this to Jane.

  
“No, I got to go anyway. Um, enjoy the wine. You've been so great to me.”

 

Maybe it’s my fault, maybe I did send wrong messages. He looks sad… “Tommy.” The moment our glances meet again I know why Jane had this look in her eyes the past days. Sad, disappointed. She knew this would happen… she knew her brother was at least going to try to kiss me.

 

**Jane’s POV**

 

Paying the cap driver I am being hit with another hammer as I meet fresh air. Oh boy… that was too much beer and whiskey and cigars…

 

I try to be as silent as possible, leaving my boots next to the door I make my way upstairs. I am not drunk but pretty tipsy… Our bedroom is dark but I know she isn’t sleeping.

 

“Sorry babe, I am late,” I sit down on the edge of the mattress. “If you want me to sleep in the guestroom I will… I cheated on you…Frost brought this damn fine beauty named Drew Estate Liga Privada No.9 Corona Doble and I couldn’t pass on that and to top that Korsak pulled out a bottle of Lagavulin 16… and I totally stripped all of them down to their underwear…”

 

I don’t even get a chance to dress down, in one swift move I am pulled into bed and she clings to me like I’m her lifeline.

 

Maura is called in at 8 a.m sharp, when I am in the shower. My phone rings ten minutes later.

 

“What do we got?“

 

“Dead bank manager. Three employees witnessed the robbery and the shooting. FBI's inside talking to them.“

 

“What are you doing out here?”

 

“The FBI has a pretty high opinion of itself and a pretty low one of local law enforcement.”  


“They let Maura and Korsak in.”  


“To process the body.”  


“Well, come on. The action's inside.”  


“No. I’ll wait out here. It's good.”

 

“Excuse me. I'm Detective Jane Rizzoli, Boston homicide. Can you direct me to the agent in charge?”

 

“You're looking at her. Special Agent Anna Farrell.”  


“I'm so sorry.“  


“It's okay. I'm used to it.”  


“A girl running the task force? Gee, it never happens to me.”  


“Jane,” Korsak calls me. Agent Farrell blocks my way.  


“I've allowed your superior and the medical examiner in while we interview the witnesses.”  


“Okay. Well, it may be your bank robbery, but it's our murder. You can never have too many detectives.”  


“Actually, you can. A neighbouring P.D. managed to bungle a similar investigation two weeks ago.”  


“Yeah, I heard about Cambridge. It's always amateur hour when campus police are involved. Boston's the real deal. Okay? So, you think it's the same crew that did the Cambridge robbery.“  


“Appears to be. They made off with 30 grand in that robbery. Today's take was almost $100,000.“  


“Why's the window shattered?“

 

“They went out that way. Door in Cambridge had a sensor. It triggered a time-delayed transmitter hidden in the money.”  


“What was the time delay on the dye pack?”

 

“Ten seconds. We figure it went off in the getaway vehicle.”

 

“They're smarter this time… and more lethal.”  


“Witnesses say he didn't resist. Didn't try to set off an alarm.”  


“So why'd they shoot him? Who is he?”

 

“Paul Lanford, 34,” Korsak informs me.  


“Suffered what appears to be a single gunshot wound to the chest. Oh… That's a shame.  


“What?“

 

“Quite a bit of intra-abdominal fat. It's belly fat. You know, it's linked to high cholesterol, high insulin levels.”

  
“I don't think he's worried about his cholesterol level, Maura.”  


“I found a witness who got the first three digits of the van's license - 82e.”  


“I'll put out a BOLO.”  


“I already did.“  


“Detective Frost, this is…,” damn what’s going on here, he just takes off.

 

“I should go check in with my team.”  


„What was that?“

 

“Stared at her like she was a perp,” Korsak mused.  


“You think he stared? Casual fixation with no attention to detail? I think he scrutinized… close, attentive examination.“

  
“A tad hostile for our friend Barry. I think they've met before.”

 

Back in the morgue.

 

“Couldn't have been on the job. Otherwise, I would have met her, too.”  


“Maybe it was when he was in uniform.”  


“It seemed personal. Did you get the sense that they'd slept together?”

 

“I'm not very good at figuring out who's sleeping with whom.”  


“Stick with what you're good at. What does his body tell you?”

 

“The track of the projectile is through the right lung, into the heart and through the left lung. And there… it… is… at the fifth intercostal.” Maura produces the bullet to the light of the day.  


“Oh. It's a .40 caliber. The bank robber shot him at point-blank range. He was cooperating. Why would he do that?”

 

“Perhaps your suspect has a smaller amygdala and prefrontal cortex. It results in poor impulse control.”  


“Not everyone with a small brain shoots people. You sound like my mom making excuses for Tommy. ‘His dyslexia made him do it.’”  


“Have you heard from him?”

 

“Who… Tommy? No.“  


“Just wondering if he got turned on,” well Maura that sounded strange… “The lights… Got his lights turned on.”  


Barry rushes into the morgue. “B.P.D. unit found the getaway van.”  


“Oh, that's great!”

 

“No, it's not. The FBI is sitting on it.”  


“Why are they running surveillance? This is bullshit. I want that thing processed. Let's go out there.“

 

**Barry’s POV**

 

Feds…Feds…Feds. Although Anna’s presents is turning it up a notch, why does FBI always compare themselves to God? Sitting tide… yeah sit tide. I am about to walk away as Jane starts to run, asking for backup. I’m right behind her… Yeah sit tide… for an hour… maybe the man could be still alive.

 

Maura confirms that he was not… Man, I really love both of them and I LOVE their bickering.

 

“This is strange-looking blood.”

  
“Do you see why I will only commit to a reddish-brown stain? This is not blood.“  


“Well, what is it, then, Dr. smarty-pants?”

 

“Paint…yeah. See? I see flecks of avocado green, Tiffany blue…”

 

“Enough, Picasso.”

 

If Jane wouldn’t rip my balls off I would kiss them both, they make my day so often. I wish this case was already over…

 

Last night was real fun although Jane bled us white. “Hey bro…,” Frankie is standing next to me at the coffee station down in the café. “You look… don’t know… pissed. My sister bustin’ balls…”

 

“A… man… no. No.”

 

“You’ve time for a cup outside?”

 

“Sure…”

 

We sit down on the bench beside the main entrance.

 

“Ya know… Janie would probably confiscate my balls… I can’t talk to anybody about it… finally I though everything was going to be fine again… well my mother is doing fine, Jane is as good as new, probably even better than before…I am a father of a beautiful, little girl… Tommy is back… I’ve threaten him two days ago.”

 

“Why would you do that?”

 

“I think… no I know he’s hitting on Maura.”

 

“Dude…” That’s pretty hard stuff when your own brother is hitting on your fiancé. I don’t want to be in town when Jane is going to find out. “The special-agent from FBI… Anna… we were going to get married. She dumped me a month before the wedding for her promotion.”

 

We sat in silence for some minutes, just starring ahead.

 

“Jane knows?”

 

“About Tommy hitting on Maura… yes, she’s the one who told me… about the threat…snowball’s chance in hell.”

 

I stand up and pat Frankie’s shoulder. “No offence bro… but I am going to kick his ass…” I walk up the stairs without finishing my sentence. Well… money goes to money, why can’t anything just stay fine… for once?

 

**Maura’s POV**

 

Processing the body of John Polk I am hardly able to concentrate. How will I tell Jane about Tommy if he decides not to do… there is no way I am going to concealed it from her.

 

Agent Farrell comes into the morgue just as I sweep his fingernails.

 

“Red particulate.“

  
“Residue from the exploded dye pack.”

  
“It's still moist, which is curious since the first bank robbery was two weeks ago.”

  
“Dr. Isles, I'd like you to take a look at the latent-print findings.”

  
“On the van? You got a hit?“

 

“Three, actually. You should have the report.” I pull my gloves off and the file up on my computer.

 

“John Polk's prints were on the gas cap. Ricky Dunn's were on the interior ceiling. We found a third partial print on the rear-view mirror.”  


“Presumably the van's driver?“

 

“Yes.“

  
“It's not here.“

  
“I have the only hard copy.” She opens up her file and drops it on my keyboard.

  
“This can't be right. It's Tommy.” I am at loss for anything right now.

  
“This matter is under investigation by a federal grand jury. By virtue of title 18, rule 6e, neither you nor any member of your team is to disseminate any information about said individual as it relates to this case under penalty of prosecution.“  


“Okay…There has to be some other explanation.” This is bad… this is really bad.  


“None of this is to be shared with anyone in Boston P.D. That includes the suspect's sister, Detective Jane Rizzoli.”

 

“Why are you doing this? Are you aware that I am engaged to this woman?”

 

“The lap which processed these prints is subordinated to you, sign here,” she points with her ball pen to the line at the bottom.

 

This can’t be really happening…bitch… barely after Agent Farrell left Jane shows up.

 

“Prison tats. We notified his brother at a "mommy and me" class. Can't believe they're from the same family.”  


“Birth order is a significant factor. The oldest child is typically highly motivated, like you, while the youngest…,”

 

“Robs banks?” she cuts me off and is hitting home without knowing it.

 

“I was gonna say, uh… they tend to be coddled. Pick interests diametrically opposite to their older siblings. Tend to be risk-takers.“  


“Oh, I see you've read the Rizzoli family study.”  


“Have you heard from Tommy yet?”

 

“No. And that's the second time you've asked me. Look who's coddling.” She looks at me closely. “Are you okay? You're acting weird.“  


“Mmm. Stomachache.”  


“You don't have stomachaches. You have gastro…stomach…opolitis… aches. From what?”

 

“Gastralgia,… from stress.”  


“So stop staring at whatever's under that microscope.”  


“It's the hair I found in John Polk's coveralls. We got a DNA match in CODIS. It belongs to Ricky Dunn.“  


“Well, that's no surprise. We know that John Polk and Ricky Dunn liked robbing banks together.”  


“The crime lab also found a trace compound on it… zinc stearate.”  


“Which is?“

 

“It's a chief ingredient in fanning powder.”  


“Fanning powder? Wh… they use that on decks of cards.”  


“To decrease friction, Yes.”  


“Yeah, the FBI profile on Dunn said he was prone to gambling” she starts to dial. “…and he's got his share of hundred… Hang on a second. Hey, Frost. I want to know about every underground gambling operation in Boston. Dice… cards, whatever. Okay. Thanks. I got to go.” She walks over to the door, I thing I am going to faint if she not leaves this instant. She turns around, watching me. “How bad is this stomachache?

 

“Bad… I'm gonna finish up here and go home.”  


“Alright, if you need something…I'll call you later.”

 

 _What is it with you and your loyalty, Isles?_ Last time that happened I had sworn myself to never let anything like this happening again… and now, here we are. The only person I can trust blindly is going to be betrayed, again… at the hands of me. _You can blame yourself if your relationship goes down straight to hell over this…_

 

**Jane’s POV**

 

Stomachache, my ass… The door connecting the hall with the morgue nearly unhinges as it has to depart out of my angers way, so is the door to the autopsy room. I am very sure Maura knows already that’s me and she knows I am coming for her…

 

“Maura…“

 

“Second-degree mid-dermal burns from the exploding dye pack.”  


“Yeah, that's what you do…You hide behind science. You knew the FBI was about to arrest Tommy.”  


“Check your messages. I called you the second that I could.”  


“You should have called me before he was arrested,” I am getting loud this time.  


“Look, title 18 forbids me from…”

 

“I give a damn about title 18! There are ways to tell me without telling me.”  


“Really? Well, the justice department could have indicted me for the mere act of disclosing my knowledge of their intent to arrest Tommy. That is ten years in a federal prison, plus the loss of my medical license,” that’s when she loses her usual calmness and is getting loud, too.

  
“You didn't trust me enough to protect you… and you didn't protect me.”  


“Jane…,” she looks at me with this desperate look of ‘please don’t do this’.

 

I am not finished… I want to know why she was with my brother instead of going home like she told me. “And what is this? Thought you can’t lie. Farrell tells me that you were with him when he was arrested. Stomachache, my ass… I can't wait to hear the explanation for that. Oh, no. I'm sorry. I forgot. You can't talk to me.”

  
“He found me in the parking lot. He wanted to apologize.”  


“Oh, yeah? ‘Hi, Maura. I'm sorry I was the getaway driver in a bank robbery. Sorry somebody got gunned down.’”  


“I think he wanted to apologize for trying to kiss me.”

  
I snort. That sword goes deep…“What… did Tommy make you sign a title 18, too?”

 

“I thought it'd be better if he told you about it…”  


“Jane, Farrell got to Cavanaugh. I'm sorry. He made me and Korsak the lead on the two homicides.”  


“Okay.” I walk over closer to Barry. Pointing at him, looking directly into her face. “You see that, Maura? That's what friends do. They tell you.”  


I see she’s hurting… I don’t want to do this… I am disappointed like I never was in my whole life. “Excuse me. I have to go check on something.” She leaves the autopsy room, glancing at the floor.   


“Uh, I'm off the case, Frost. My brother is a suspect.”  


“This is all Farrell. You know what? She doesn't even…“

 

“What the hell went down between you two?”

 

“She married the job instead of me. This is her fault.”  


“She's just doing her job.”  


“So was Maura.”

 

“What, did Farrell make you sign a title 18, too?”

 

“No. She made Dr. Isles, didn't she?”

 

“I'm going to talk to David Polk.”  


“Jane, you can't.”  


“I'm not going as a cop. I'm going as Tommy's sister.”

 

Back at the head quarter I try my luck with Farrell and she gives me two minutes to talk to Tommy.

 

“Jane. Thank god.“  

 

“Why?”

 

“Look Jane I am sorry…”

 

“I didn’t ask you why you tried to kiss Maura… I don’t want an answer to that… I don’t even want to think about it ‘cause it will break my heart… you are my brother and you are not supposed to try to seduce the woman I am going to marry,” I whispered the last part defeated.

 

“How could you be a part of this? That bank manager is dead. John Polk is dead, too. God, Tommy…”

 

“Jane, are you crying? Don't cry.”

  
“I'm not crying.”  


“I didn't do this!”

 

“Your fingerprints are all over the rear-view mirror in the getaway van.”  


“John let me use his van to move. John was my friend. That's why my prints were there.”

  
“Then what about Ricky Dunn, he's John Polk's partner. They used to rob banks together. Did you know him, too?“

 

“Not all of us ex-cons know each other.”  


“Tell me where you were this morning.”  


“I was in my new place, sleeping. It's a crap alibi, but it's the truth.“

  
“And why did you borrow a van from a convicted bank robber?”

 

“John served his time. He was starting a house-painting business. He was working his ass off to turn his life around. He asked me to work a job with him… a house-painting job. Jane, I told them all this. They don't believe me. But I thought you would.“  


“Time's up,“ Farrell is coming in.

  
“All right, all right!”

 

“Tommy, look at me. Did you do this?”

 

“No.”  


“Then I won't let you go back to prison. I promise.”

 

“He said John Polk was painting a house during the time of the robbery. We found paint in Polk's van.“

  
“If John Polk was still alive, I'd be charging him with bank robbery and felony murder, just like your brother.”

  
“What if he's telling the truth?”

 

“That's for a jury to decide. I'm sorry.”

 

Yeah I’m sure you are… bitch. Oh boy… right now I am so glad Barry didn’t marry her.

 

 

**Maura’s POV**

 

“Too bad you can't live in your microscopic world.”

  
“Makes more sense than the macro-world right now.”  


“Yeah… My brother's facing a life sentence.” I look over to her… I feel like… shit. How desperately I want to walk over and pull her into my arms.  


“The faint red that you noted in the van is disperse red 9 aerosol.”

 

“It was the dye pack. So, the same paint you found under Polk's nails.”

  
“Uh, no. That is an oil-based paint.”  


“A house paint?”

 

“Yes. I found the same paint particulates in his nostrils. The moisture levels indicate that he'd been painting within the last 24 hours.”

  
“So Tommy was telling the truth. John was painting this morning. If he was doing that, he couldn't possibly be robbing a bank.”

  
“Unlike electrons, human beings can't be in two places at once. Physical laws of quantum mechanics.”

  
She laughs, her voice getting soft “I kind of love that you know that.”

  
“You do? So…you don't hate me?”

 

“No. I still hate you.” There she is… I barely can repress the smile that so desperately wants to make it on my face.

  
“Okay. I'll work on hating you, too.” I bent down to look again through the microscope.

  
“Wait a minute. The only one that we know for sure who robbed that bank was Ricky Dunn. What if Tommy and John had nothing to do with it?”

 

“My stomachache would go away.”

  
“Yeah, me too.”

  
“Wh… Can you isolate the manufacturer of that red paint and find out where it was being used? If we prove that John was painting, then at least a piece of Tommy's story is true.”

  
“There are 285 shades of red. Multiply 285 by the names that paint companies assign to the shades… that’s really. Yes.”

  
“Good. And I'll do my gumshoe thing. There's only like, you know…three thousand streets in Boston.”

 

“I kind of love that you can do that.”  


“Well… then I hate you a little bit less.” We lock glances for some seconds.

  
“I think we still have two bank robbers out there. I got to go.” She rushes out of the lap.

  
“Jane…,” she stops midway in the threshold. “Do you know how long you're going to hate me for?”

 

“It's too soon to tell.” She walks out, turning around, smiling at me.

 

I am not able to wipe that stupid grin out of my face for the next half of an hour.

 

Being out of breath running into the bullpen, having pinned down the exact color. Colonial red. Over in B.R.I.C they are quickly able to find the house being painted.

 

“You were right. John didn't do it.”

  
“Yeah, but now we got to prove Tommy didn't either. But first we got to find two bank robbers who are still out there. Can you play the bank-robbery tape again?“

 

“It gets me every time… He shoots an innocent man, but he walks away like he's got all the time in the world.”

  
“I still say it looks like they knew each other.”

  
“It doesn't make any sense, now that we know that that's not John Polk.”

  
“Can you rewind it and slow it down?” I ask Barry.

 

„Why? What are you seeing?“

 

“A physical reason for his deliberate pace. There.”  


“I don't see anything.”  


“Wait. That's it… Watch Lanford's eyes. He looks down at Polk's ankle,” Jane is the first one picking up what I saw.  


“Achilles tendon, actually. It ruptured and atrophied when it healed. That's what causes his slight limp. You see it?“

 

“Yeah. Lanford saw it, too. Polk must have felt Lanford watching him and realized that Lanford recognized him from his limp.”  


“John Polk and David Polk were the same size, same build.”  


“It's David Polk, the good brother.”  


“The one, who stopped playing hockey when his Achilles tendon snapped.”

 

They pin down the possible next targeted bank, it’s not entirely about the money but about revenge, as dispatch calls over radio for exactly that bank. They storm out of B.R.I.C… no way in hell I am going to stay here while she is running into an armed bank robbery.

 

When I arrive I watch her lay down her weapon and walking slowly over to the bank. This woman is so stupid sometimes but I can’t help it… I love her and I love her devotion for what she does. She trades places with the injured victim, talking the men obviously into getting help for her, as she can be removed and getting medical treatment.  

 

It looks like she’s getting in control. David lowers his gun, handing it over to her… suddenly Carl raises his weapon and aims for Jane. The bullet from one of the snipers saves her from being shot, again.

 

She catches my sight as soon as she steps outside, coming over directly. I close my hands around her face, pulling our foreheads together. I can’t help the tears that fall… I made a mistake… a really dumb one, but right now nothing of that matters anymore. She’s here, in my arms, where she belongs… where I belong. We press both our palms together, fingers intertwining, noses touching and we just enjoy being with each other, regardless of how many people are watching.

 

I am waiting with Frankie, Barry and Vince in the Robber, Jane’s picking up Angela and Tommy in the Federal office. As soon as they arrive Barry gets up, getting over to Tommy. I don’t know what’s happening but suddenly everything is in motion… One moment Barry is tapping his index repeatedly, hard into Tommy’s chest, their faces close together. I never saw him this angry before.

 

“I warned you, Tommy,” Frankie growls behind me. “When the acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree…”

 

“Yeah…sure… you are just jealous I at least got the balls to go for a try.”

 

Suddenly Frankie punches Tommy in the middle of his face. Tommy grabs Frankie around the waist and rams him into the wall, going himself for hitting his brother’s nose. Soon they are fighting over tables and chairs. Every attempt to separate them fails until I got shoved and an earth-shattering ‘enough’ out of Jane’s mouth makes them both freeze.    

 

“Are the two of you even for real?” She grabs my hand. “Come on Maura. You both should think about this and if you are grown up you can come over to our house again… until then I don’t want to see anyone of you.”

 

I am holding onto her hand, in silence, as we drive home. While Jane makes us some quick meal I am pulling out the bottle Tommy brought.

 

“Mm-mmm! We are having grilled cheese.” She looks at the bottle in my hand.  


“Oh, it goes with anything. It's a 1994 Chateau de Gordes.“  


“Again? I'm so sick of that,“ I love it how she can be her very self, even after some big fight like today, at a moments notice. I have to laugh at her attitude.     


“It's sheer perfection. I've only had it once.“

  
“When did it happen?”

 

“When you were out, playing poker.”

  
She motions between the two of us. “I mean, clearly, opposites attracts.”  


“It's an evolutionary strategy to ensure healthy reproduction.“  


“Okay. Why do you got to go straight to breeding? All right? With my brother?“ I have to laugh again. I could kiss her all day just for that, for making me laugh however badly a day has gone.

 

“I wasn’t talking about him… Look, I like Tommy. A lot. But I love you and only you. I thought it would be better to give him the chance to tell you by himself, it wasn’t my intention to keep it a secret from you… aaaand I hate it when you hate me.”

  
“Good, 'cause I hate it when I have to hate you,” she smiles at me shyly.  


“Sip it slowly.“ I hand her a glass.

 

She takes a nip of the wine and spits it back into the glass. Making a face as miserable as sin.  


“Oh! How much was this?”

 

“Six hundred and twenty-five Dollars. Did you just spit out a '94 Chateau….

 

“De blah-blah? Yes. My god, some smart shopper Tommy is. He wasted a month's rent on a bottle of rancid vinegar and old garlic.”

  
“No no. It just needs to breathe and release its tannins.”

  
“Really?“

 

Well… her description was pretty to the point. “Eww!“

 

“Yeah.“  


“Ew. You might be right.”  


“Mm-hmm.”  


“Ew. What are you doing?” I watch her pouring her glass back.

 

“I'm gonna pour it back in the bottle so Tommy can take it back.”  


“They're not gonna take it back.”  


“Oh, they'll take it back.”

 

I leave her to the bottle, getting one of ours out of the rack, retrieving two new glasses and walking over to the couch, signalling her to follow me. I sit down in the far corner of the couch, not entirely sure how to behave around her. We seemed to be okay outside the bank, but that was a high-stress situation, god I hope we are okay.

 

She sits down pretty close to me, holding up one of the grilled cheese to let me have a bite. I look up trough my eye-lashes at her. “What happened to ‘that totally killed it for me’?”

 

“Don’t remember me of that Maura.” As she puts down the cheese I grab her lapels and pull her lips against mine. While we kiss she gets up on her knees, sitting the plate down on the coffee table and hovers above me, stretching my body out, making room for her to lie down on top of me.

 

“Jane…,” I whisper and her index comes to rest on my lips.

 

“I will protect you… whatever it costs Maura. You only have to trust me.”

 

“That’s what I am afraid of… I can’t loose you…”

 

“You won’t, baby…you won’t…”

 

I pull my lips slightly away from the kiss. “So… tell me about that beauty that made you cheat on me…”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Drew Estate Liga Privada No.9 Corona Doble, that’s a very pretty name for a fat-lady,” I breathe into her ear.

 

She laughs but I also notice her reaction to my low voice and how sensual I whispered those words. “You don’t get most of colloquialism but you know a cigar is called a fat-lady?”

 

R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I

 

“We…are…going…to…be…so…damn…late…” I barely get the words out.

 

We didn’t make it upstairs until two a.m. and even then we made a stop in the hallway, my back against the door of the study. Starting slow and gentle it heated up every time a little more, only to slow down immensely again the moment we landed in our bed. Jane earned herself some serious battle-wounds, her back badly scratched, a large bit mark gracing her right vastus medialis. We both hadn’t slept a single second.

 

She lifts her head, looking up to me for a moment. “We should call in sick.”

 

I tighten my grip in her hair. “Yes…,” I hiss. “Keep doing that… oh Jane.”

 

**Jane’s POV**

Maura is sound asleep upstairs. I can’t. The disappointment still too fresh… did this guy at least even for once use his brain to think before he acts and Frankie… well it flatters him that he wanted to protect me but…

I carry the last two boxes upstairs, setting them down next to the couch. I am going to make something to eat and wake up my sweet genius, later we will decorate the house together… our first Christmas as a couple will be fast approaching. The first Christmas without Pop… Life goes not always as planed, who would know that better than I.

 

I hiss reaching up into the cupboard. If someone could see me it would appear we had brutish sex last night, which was definitely not the case, Maura was just a little more…responsive.

 

We talked about a little getaway last night, after Christmas. Spending our first anniversary somewhere else, far away from job and family and all the little dramas they come with both of them. I am eyeing with the house at Lake Winnipesaukee, around this time there will be a lot of snow and peace and so much time for just being us, together.

 

When I walk into our bedroom Maura is lying on her tummy, awake. Propping herself up on her right elbow and her finger moves in a come-hither motion. I sit down on the other side, lean over and kiss her gently.

 

“I missed you when I woke,” she whispers against my lips.

 

“Sorry… couldn’t sleep so I did already bring up the decoration stuff from the basement and I prepared dinner.”

 

“Jane… we could have talked the whole night if that…”

 

“Na Maura… we are good. It may just take some time to have Tommy around. I am not really angry anymore, who could probably resist being near a woman like you. It’s just… he’s my brother and he shouldn’t have done that.”

 

She cups my right cheek. “As he found me in the parking lot, he said he does stupid things, often, and he told me he was truly sorry. I think he was afraid… to tell you. I saw his look as I told him he was in real trouble, he thought you knew…”

 

“I did… I knew it the moment I found you both playing chess after my night shift.”

 

 

**Not sure if I am pleased with this chapter… anyway I hope I didn’t confuse you with hopping between the point of views that often… Please pretend that whole ‘flirting-shit’ from Maura’s side never happened…so do I :) and I also pretend the awkward/embarrassing Angela-coming-back-from-AC didn’t happen either (what is it that Tamaro/TNT always let Angela/Maura humiliating themselves?)**

**So I put that fist-fight between Frankie and Tommy in here, bc… sorry for all of you ‘Fraura-shippers’ but Frankie and Maura kissing will happening in my fic sometime around never-o’clock…**

**Thanks for reading and have a nice day <3**


	41. An act of contrition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

 

**_“I did… I knew it the moment I found you both playing chess after my night shift.”_ **

****

Little did both of them know what was going on outside of their home. In a beautiful sunset glow with small and soft snowflakes starting to fall, two brothers were working in silence. Both of them knew very well that they had screwed up big time. Regardless of their fist fight the day before, they both had stuck together the whole night, being left behind, first from their sister and sister-in-law, and then from their disappointed mother without a word.

 

Standing there, abandoned, with blood dripping from crushed noses and split lips, in the silence of the Dirty Robber they both felt closer to each other than ever before. They looked at each other, realizing they were not only siblings but brothers in misery. So they found themselves sitting at the ice rink in Boston Common, where they had spent so many hours in their childhood. They didn’t talk much but when, their sentence started with ‘do you remember when…’ or ‘or the time when…’

 

“You know I don’t know where it went wrong along the way, all I remember is that at some point it was unbearable to live up to you both. Jane was Pop’s little girl and you were Ma’s babyboy and all I could do to get their attention was to do something stupid. Ma would sit beside me the whole night long when I came home shitfaced and Pop would take me aside for a man-to-man talk and somewhere in between I lost it.”

 

Frankie patted his shoulder. “I came home and it felt like I never existed. Yes, Jane wrote me letters but you both had moved on like I was never born. She lives in Beacon Hill, is going to marry a beautiful, smart-as-hell doctor and you are a father now, independent and there is me, homeless and off the pay roll. I am jealous, enviously and the worse is I can’t even blame anyone but me… I want to make it work, I want to be a part of this family, I want to be trusted, but the harder I try the harder I fail.”

 

Frankie didn’t move his sight from the point across the ice rink where his eyes hat fixed themselves. “It’s hard to not love you. You are smart and despite the fact that your brain is pretty fucked up, you always made us laugh with your crazy ideas of fun. You are nuts but you have this special kind of easiness and that’s something you gave Jane and me, something we picked up from you. She doesn’t hate you and I don’t hate you either, she’s disappointed and so am I. We both hoped you would grab the chance to start all over again. It’s your decision. Take the last chance on life you may get, Tommy.”

 

So they both ended up outside of 5801 Pinckney Street in Beacon Hill working in silence and acquaintance, fixing Christmas lightings all over both roofs and along the gutter, on top of the wall separating the driveway from the street just as the wall between driveway and courtyard, the doors, the small fountain between main and guesthouse and all of the ornamental trees along the front side.

 

Frankie had spend most of his paycheck to buy the amount of necessary fairy lights and would rather spend the whole month eating nothing but pieces of dry bread than having his sister pissed at him for longer than a day.

It was their mother watching them, hidden at the hands of a curtain, how they worked tirelessly, with red noses and nimble fingers, outside in the freezing evening. She had detected them rather early and the sting of pride in her stomach had driven tears into her eyes. The moment they both raised to their fully heights, on top of the roof, to overlook their completed work, she stepped outside with a tray, carrying two cups of hot chocolate and her first set of Christmas cookies. Nobody dared to break this tender moment of unity, sympathy and love, this [act](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/act.html) [of](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/of.html) [contrition](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/contrition.html), with the blankness of words. Like nobody knew that Maura had pulled Jane softly in front of her, under the cover of the drape in front of the window beside the main entrance, leaning against her shoulder blade and both watched in stunned awe the scene playing in their driveway.

 

A silent way of apology treated with a silent way of forgiveness. Long both brothers had left and their mother retreated into the guesthouse as the blonde doctor encircled the Italian, still standing by the window. They had spent three hours decorating their house on the inside and where now standing in near darkness only softly lit by the grace of beauty, created by the winter scenery carrying through the main floor, crowned with three miniature winter villages, the one you normally find in snow globes, one on each window ledge. Never in her live Maura had understood the magic of Christmas…until now.

 

Although even the Isles have had a Christmas tree in the house wherever in Europe they had stayed during the holidays, it was the Rizzoli family tradition what made her feel Christmas for the first time in her live. She never was so exited for each day to come in December, to spend evenings in front of the fireplace with hot chocolate and Christmas cookies, for the snow to fall, for making love in the grace of tiny, sparkling, artificial candles gleaming like petite stars, million miles away.

 

While they both stood and watched how the streets of Boston slowly but steady disappeared underneath a thin blanket of white innocence, Jane swept Maura’s hair gently aside and placed a soft kiss right underneath her hair line and with a silent understatement the blonde doctor made her way over to the kitchen, getting some hot chocolate ready while the Italian got a fire and Netflix started.

 

They had established a system so no one of them could blame the other for the choice of movie, the small wooden case on top of the fireplace, normally used for tea bags, which Maura never used anyway, contained four small departments, each filled with folded notes.

First the genre, secondly the letters of the alphabet, thirdly numbers from one up to hundred and fourth a list of which movie they had already watched. 

 

Tonight it was Maura’s turn to pick up one of each note and so they ended up with Titanic which ended in a deep groan from Jane.

 

“Oh come on Jane, stop pretending that you don’t like that kind of movies.”

 

“Na it’s not that. I’m done with being all bad ass around you, that won’t work anymore as you have wrapped me around your fingers.”

 

In a swift move Maura was straddling Jane. “That’s too bad… you are a real turn on being all bad ass,” Maura whispered low into her ear. “And there are not much things I prefer more than having you wrapped around my fingers,” she added moaning.

 

Jane rolled her eyes. “You and the literal,” she groaned. “Jack and Rose are waiting.”

 

“Who’s that?”

 

“Maura… please don’t tell me you have never seen Titanic…,” Jane started the movie. “Now get your head out of the gutter and steel yourself to witness Detective Rizzoli crying like a baby and I mean really cry.”

 

Jane scooted with her back against the arm rest and spread her legs for Maura to sit in between, wrapping her arms around the middle of the blonde the doctor leaned her right temple against Jane’s jaw.

 

“That’s so impressive,” Jane whispered. “However often I have seen this.” She couldn’t even explain why the sight of that gigantic piston moving send shivers down her spine. Maybe it was the knowledge that the whole disaster started that moment, maybe it was just the moment itself, witnessing what human being were able to do with their bare hands.

 

Maura chuckled at the explanation of Freud’s theory, just like Jane had expected her to. They both giggled as the whole Caldish-Team sat there with dreamy eyes, listening to Rose sharing her memories and Maura chuckled again at Jack’s sarcastic remark. She thought about Jane saying the very same in any similar situation.

 

“I hate him so much,” Jane growled as Caldon told Jack that he always wins and Maura turned her face a little…whispering. “I would rather die with you than leave,” as Rose looked up at Jack, down from the life boat. “Good girl,” she added exited as she jumped back onto the sinking ship.

 

“Son of a bitch,” was heard from Jane every time Hockley came into scene.

 

The moment the captain closed his door Jane searched blindly for the tissue box, knowing very well the point the first tears to fall would follow soon, the very moment the violinist would start to play again. It was the cruelty of reality that made her cry every time. This all had happened… happened because of hundreds of mistakes and wrong decisions. Thousand of people had died because of the blown up ego of some men.

 

They both smiled, faces full of tears as old Rose throws the necklace into the Atlantic. “She’s a very beautiful woman, maybe not in everyone’s eyes but she is quite remarkable,” Maura whispered, pressing a kiss to Jane’s jaw. “And I find it more appealing to fantasize about what happened inside the car, even if the audience knows very well what happened.” She turned fully around on top of Jane.

 

“Imagination can be a very powerful force. Women typically get more aroused by reading and picturing than watching sex related scenes, unlike men.” Her lips scooted as close to Jane’s ear as possible. “Before you I had my powerful orgasms thinking of you, touching myself and proud or not it happened nearly every day or else I would have gone insane with all those unbearable tension between us. Some days I couldn’t get home fast enough, stripping down and speeding into the shower, imagining you would follow me.”

 

She kissed the spot underneath the detective’s ear. “But having you for real is so much better than I could ever fantasize about.” Before Maura knew what was happening she was wrapped around Jane who made her way upstairs as fast as possible with the extra weight she had to carry. Placing her girlfriend gently on top of their mattress she whispered a seductive ‘get naked and close your eyes’ before she headed off into the closet.

Maura felt the dip as Jane joint her not a minute later, lying there with her bare body fully on display her nerves were stretched to the breaking point, not out of fear but full of expectations. The hot breath beside her face made her shiver, before the deep, hoarse voice she loved so much rang like the call of sirens in her acoustic meatus. “Are you ready to couple imagination and reality?”

 

 

Maura’s POV

 

“Do whatever you want to me,” I whisper back, already breathless and the next thing I feel is some soft fabric, feeling like one of my silk scarves, covering my eyes. “There is nothing I wouldn’t try with you,” I add, blindly reaching for Jane’s face, running my thumb gently over the lower lip, lifting my head slightly for her to tie the knot behind it.

 

Well there are limits and even as I never guess I am pretty sure that Jane is not going to ask for things like that but anything else… I trust her with my life, more than that I trust her with my heart and my soul and I know she would never ever do anything I don’t want.

 

I am not really sure I can stand what is about to come. Even after nearly a year my body still reacts explosive to any touch or breath or whisper from Jane, like the very first time, and despite populace I think this will never change. I am not complaining, how could I, but knowing a touch coming when we make love and nearly combusting leaves me slightly anxious to ruin it now.

 

Being robbed of one of my senses I can already feel the other ones sharpen. My skin is highly sensitive and the optimal temperature of 64.4 degree Fahrenheit in our bedroom seems to be to cold in one second and much too hot in the next one. My osphresis is so much sharpened that I can even smell the remains of the bath foam from two days ago from the other side of the room, through the closed door, more then twelve yards away. My aureal sense is probably the only one which is going to help me to localize her, right know I could hear a pin drop… Gustatory sense… closely connected to our memory, like any of the senses. I can taste her. I can taste her smell on my tongue, partly it is a memory but I can smell her that strongly that I can taste her… without tasting her.

 

She smells slightly different than before we got together. She refuses to use my cosmetics. I remember her being shocked as she discovered how much I paid for a bottle of body wash and that I ordered it straight from France, with everything else I use on a daily base. She still uses her lavender body wash and fruit shampoo because it belongs to her but I know she respects my choice to only use animal testing free products. And the best of them is Caudalie, not only animal testing free but only using naturally ingredients.

 

She smells different because of me. Because our body odor is inseparable mixed with each others but there will always be one smell that let me lose it at any time of the day, at any day of the year, for the rest of my life. Wherever and whenever I smell lavender, even in the smallest hint, every synapse in my brain snaps and brings out the barest animalistic instinct. Knowing the science behind it never prepares me for its impact. I never was prepared for the response my body has on her.

 

 

If you would analyse me you could probably come to the conclusion of me being nympholeptic, obsessed with Jane and obsessed with sex. You could… cause in the rawest aspect I am, but it is so much more complex than the simple picture and I know it is hard to understand from the outside of our relationship. You could easily put a stamp on us as two overly horny teenagers, which most people would just do without a second thought. Not that it bothers me what people think of us… but our intimacy doesn’t start with touching each other in a sexual way and doesn’t end with an orgasm.

 

No. We are intimate with each and every gesture and look and word and although I can be very wordy in explaining anything there are things you just can’t explain and that is why we kiss and touch and make love. Not only we, but humans in general. Sex is not called the greatest trivial pursuit in the world for nothing. It can be your shelter, your release, your trigger, your stash. It can be necessary and wanted and needed, it can be useful and helpful. It can preserve from pain and fear and loneliness.

 

The greatest trivial pursuit in the world is not longer that for me. It is love and life, the air I need to breath, the blood my body needs to work, blazoned with a gigantic explosion of hormones.

 

The first contact nearly made me jump out of my skin. Although it is what mostly would be described as innocent, some things scream LOVE louder than any others. Kissing my nose softly or my tummy, right underneath my belly button, or a tender and slow Eskimo kiss, like now.  The tip of her nose barely touches my skin around my own. Starting at the root, she slowly slides down to the tip, pressing a gentle kiss to it before starting to circle my nose again with her own.  

 

Then she’s gone and I am not able to say where she will touch me next. Despite the fact I know she will touch me I jump again as her tongue whispers along the rim of my belly button. My whole skin is covered in goose bumps and I start to shiver like leafs in the wind as the tip of her tongue slowly slides up my body, between my breasts, ending in a soft kiss to my larynx.

 

It so hard not to reach out for her, I grab the edges of the pillow underneath my head hard with my fingers. Feeling her breath on my hipbone before she kisses it sends another round of goose bumps over my skin. Then I feel her fingertips on both swells of my breasts, slowly sliding over the skin and my nipples tighten to its harden although not touching them the slightest.

 

Arching my back, nearly painfully aroused I feel it slowly but steady covering the insides of my thighs. The sharp intake of a breath let me know that she can smell my state of excitement and I very well know that it does the same to her than her scent does to me. Her fingertips barely touching, caressing every inch of me. Shaping each part slow and gentle.

 

Her hands and lips are everywhere. It feels like she has at least ten of them. My whole body tingling. Never, not in one of my fantasies, I dreamed of her to be this dedicated and tender and my melting point is reached the moment she plants a kiss just above my clit.

 

The very first moment I break the silence, only filled with heavy breathes and the sound of her kisses, is as I moan her name, low. Enjoying her making love to me with her mouth at any opportunity I need her with me. I loose the grip of my fingers and reach for her, closing my hands around her face she comes up, her right pulling the scarf away. I guide her slowly on top of me, spreading my legs wider, welcoming her full weight against me. Locking our glances she begins to move, so delicious slowly that it is only faintly noticeable. I feel the claw marks from the night before under the skin of my palms and a sting of guild for harming her.

 

I close the little distance between our lips and kiss her sensually. I have to stop hurting her and I don’t talk about the scratches on her back. I could hit myself for being this naïve and flippant. Never before anything of my life collided with the men I had sex with. _But for screaming out loud, Jane is not someone to just keep you entertained between the sheets, Isles._

Seriously I am just lucky she is, for only God knows why, so madly in love that she didn’t break up with me, yet… _But how much more of your shit is she going to take?_

 

“I’d rather be your whore than anyone others wife,” I whisper against her lips and I know its terrible cheesy and maybe dumb to quote this line, but its true.

 

It couldn’t be more similar, we couldn’t be more similar… to Jack and Rose. Coming from different worlds, being as different as we only could be, but in the very last it is only love that counts. And I love her. More than anything and I would rather be her secretly mistress, her whore. I would rather go hungry and dressed in rags. I would rather go through my personal hell every day than to be without her for even one single breath.

 

The look in her eyes tells me that she did understand what I wanted to convey with what I said and it is the fire blazing in her eyes that pulls me back down to reality. To her skin on mine, to her hands on my body, to her lips kissing me softly, to the thin stripe of hair that moves so divinely against my clit that it hits me suddenly that I am so close that I am barely able to take the breath I desperately need to ride out this elemental force of an orgasm.

 

When I wake up, what feels like several hours later, she is still on top of me, just a little lower than before. Her left ear pressed to my chest, just above my heart. My hands are lying on her back, her left on my hip and her right next to her face on my bare skin. Immediately tears are silently running down my face. Tears spilled for the pain I caused her, tears of happiness for her being anything I need and want and her willingly giving that to me and tears for letting her down, again.

 

I can’t remember falling asleep. I remember her never picking up the pace and I remember climaxing that strong that I had barely air to moan. She told me that she didn’t mind, that she was happy and thought it was cute when I fell asleep on her but it had to have happened at least a dozen times already and in all honestly falling asleep during sexual intercourse doesn’t really sound thrilling for your partner.

 

“Why are you crying, Maura?” Her sleepy face comes into my eyesight and I just look at her… and she knows. She just smiles at me… her sweet smile that tells me that she loves me to no end and that there is nothing that this could ever change.

 

“You know very well that I came the moment you did,” she breathes hot into my ear. “And you also know very well that this is not a counting game, we talked about that already. We are not trading orgasms Maura. I love you and it will ever be enough for me to know that you are happy.”

 

…

 

 

 

“Jane I am so close…,” I whisper. “Me too,” she breathes back. “I know! That’s why I need you to stop moving for a moment. I want to hear you and I am going to drown you out. I just can’t be silently climaxing with you and I need to hear you, I already missed your last one.”

 

“If you want me to be louder I can try,” she whispers and I kiss her gently. “No. I love it just the way it is. I love every noise you make and I love that you are so different with me. There is no tough Detective Rizzoli or the roughhousing sister in bed with me. This is my very own Jane and I want to keep it that way. Nobody is going to ever see or hear you like that again. That’s mine and only mine.”

 

She doesn’t stop moving…entirely. She reduces her motions down to softly circling the small, rough spot inside me, keeping me dancing along the edge.

 

“Mhhh… come for me gorgeous,” I moan into her ear and she does and I drink in and drown in every noise that falls from her lips. The heavy breathing, the soft moans, the whispers of my name and just as I am about to fall myself she pulls gently nearly fully back, pressing her fingertips down and with a quick but gentle move she’s back deep inside me and what started to be a flowing and relaxing climax shatters me into million pieces.

 

“Oh my God… Jane,” I hear myself scream louder than I can remember being ever before. There is no way that anyone in the radius of hundred yards around our bedroom had missed that one.

 

**Thanks for reading!**

**Have a nice day 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 


	42. All I want for Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)   
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)
> 
> Fair warning ahead… this chapter contains mentioning of brutal murder and rape in a less to non graphically way, no main character involved…

 

**Maura’s POV**

 

December, or more precisely Advent season, could have gone by very smooth. Could have…

 

There was absolutely not a single case of homicide. It nearly felt like Boston had fallen asleep the moment the first snow had covered it streets. Even Jane was not grumpy as usual when she had to do nothing but paper work, thanks to the thrill of anticipation for Christmas. I was tempted to say that this special winter month was the absolute highlight of our relationship so far but that would only let any other of them look less beautiful and there isn’t one minute I adored more than another.  

 

But there was something special, magical about this time. We had, in lack of stress at work, more often than usual the opportunity to be at home on decent hours and not being called out far before dawn. Both, the beauty of the winter wonderland and the sinking temperature, drove us even closer together, so much that obviously our bedroom had moved into the living room.

 

Exceptionally frequently we had made love on the couch or on the floor as a result of snuggling and kissing for hours after coming home, taking Jo for an extended walk in the snow and never making it further than said couch… the benefits of cuddling, fluffy blankets, body heat and a crackling fire. Thanks to Angela we didn’t need to overwork delivering service for food.

 

It amazed me every time how genuine happy and at peace my mother at heart is with us and our relationship and further with our affection for each other. More than once she had found us lost in deep kisses, because we had missed her knocking. Surprisingly never walked in on us actually making love, which lead me to the fact that either we were somewhat of lucky or, which was most quiet likely, we never noticed her walking in on us. However, it never felt like we had to be embarrassed, it never felt like she dismissed it or us and never said anything. She just smiled whenever our eyes met.

 

I am truly not born to be attentive to usual standards. My whole life long I missed out on anything outside my own awkwardness and quirks. But at least I got some logic in my brain… one evening Jane was with Frankie, Barry and Vince out for training at the shooting range I picked up a nice Italian red wine and two glasses and made my way over to the guesthouse.

 

Holding up said bottle as Angela beamed at me opening the door. She had truly made herself at home. It reminded me of the Rizzoli family home in there, whenever I entered. Pictures of all three children in different stages of their lives were lovingly arranged along the walls of her living room and it never hit me harder than in that moment, that there was no better use for the former guesthouse than to be a home to my mother-in-law, at this point I had already dropped the formality of the ‘to-be’ line. She anyway is more of a mother to me than simply the mother of my partner.

 

I truly love her, not only for the fact that she had spent me the gift of Jane. She was all I ever dreamed of a mother to be and despite the fact that she could be very overbearing she loved with all she had to offer. It didn’t matter if you were poor or wealthy, black or white, woman or man. She welcomed everyone in her inner circle who was it worth for her. Vince and Barry were as loved and welcomed as I was, even as Vince was quite too old for it, she just gathered all of us under her protective hand and loves with a fierce only a mother can do.

 

“I don’t want it to look like I only come over here in need, but I want to talk to you.” I suddenly felt terrible for my spontaneity to barge into her home. It isn’t that we never share time with each other, quite the contrary, but usually we meet in the main house… I don’t know why I was so nervous, suddenly.

 

“Don’t be silly, honey,” she plopped down on the sofa and motions for me to sit also.

 

“Well I wanted to spend some time with you anyway but…,” she cut me off rather quickly.

 

“I know how it is to be in love and I know how much you need each other presents for quite some time.” She smiled at me warmly. “So it is totally okay to shoot two birds with one stone. I just hope you are not delivering something bad.”

 

“No, god no,” I quickly answered. “Well I don’t know exactly, actually.”

 

Her smile hadn’t falter for a second. “Out with it already! It can’t be that bad and so I am, my kids all survived me,” she grinned at me.

 

“Well I don’t know how to… it is not that I am very secretive about this particular topic, but…”

 

She giggled at my attempt to scoot around. “I can’t exactly pin point where this is going, but I already get it that you want to talk about sex. I gotta go the extra mile and assume you want to talk about the one you are having with Jane.”

 

“Yes,” I simply stated the fact.

 

“And…,” she encouraged me. Staying quiet, obviously to long for her liking she just talked further. “I figured that you don’t have any issues in that department, you both seem very happy.” She looked at me, highly focused, for a moment and I had to speak before she would get the wrong impression.

 

“No we don’t have any issues, quite the contrary and that’s why I am here. I am not the brightest candle on the cake, like Jane would call it, when it comes to boundaries and interhuman relations but I get it that it could be… difficult for a mother to… witness…”

 

Deep breath. “Look, I know I am anything but quiet…” I hadn’t come any further because she laughed, whole hearty and stood, disappeared into her bedroom to be back seconds later. Placing a box of earplugs on the coffee table, smirking.

 

“Let me set this one straight,” she looked at me seriously but also warmly. “I am happy for you both and although I am old I am not that old. I didn’t think because you are both woman that you are just holding hands in bed or wherever else you prefer to have sex and I am not my ungracious ex-husband who thinks that Jane is still his five-year-old baby girl. No harm done Maura. Despite the fact that all of my children think I am nosy and don’t have any borders I am trying to give you both as much of your privacy as possible.”

 

She grabbed her wine glass and took a sip of it. “I wish I had only for once in my life one of yours.” I nearly spit the red wine across the room. “You dated men before, right? Is it very different?” She asked, like her comment hadn’t happened at all.

 

I had to compose myself for a moment, not that I minded, but it never had crossed my mind that she would ask and in thousand years I hadn’t dreamed about a comment like that.

 

“Yes. Very. Although I can’t really compare because I never was with a woman before Jane and I didn’t do relationships with men. I just…”

 

“How comes?”

 

“Well I didn’t feel the need to bother with burdens just to get what I wanted.”

 

She smiled. “No. How comes Jane is your first. I don’t know I thought about it sometimes… I mean Jane. When she was in high school… she was never really that girly and I thought maybe that was a clue, at the outside, but she never was close to other girls and after a while I didn’t think of it again. First of all it never mattered if Jane was into girls or boys and I accepted somehow the fact that Jane was a girl without being girly. Just Jane. I know I sometimes nag her about it, but it’s sometimes a shame, she is such a beautiful woman.”

 

“She is,” who would know that better than me, because I not only get to see her beauty on the outside but have also the benefits of having this beautiful soul lying at my feet. “I don’t know if I should say that to her mother, but the very first moment I saw her, there was no other thought in my head than to drag her home into my bed.”

 

“Don’t bother… love at first sight is something that happens in movies. There is nothing wrong in thinking like that, not even if you are talking about my girl,” she laughed.

 

“It was more of something like love at first conversation. She invited me for lunch at work, to apologise for her rude behaviour when we first met and I think I fell for her five minutes into it. Her gender didn’t matter, not that I ever was reserved against the possibility but it never came up. Men are easier to handle if you want just sex but sitting there and staring in her eyes while we talked I suddenly felt like something had fallen into place. I knew I had found my destination without really searching for it. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to burry my face into her neck, to hold her hands and to listen to that voice that was the lullaby to my screaming soul.”

 

Angela grabbed my hands. “I am thankful that it is you my baby decided to spend her life with. I couldn’t ask for more. The way you look at her lets my heart burst into pieces and I know my Janie will do anything to keep you safe and happy.” She whispered and before it could get to sentimental the frank woman was back and the wine wanted so desperately out of my mouth again.

 

“Maybe I should try that too, with a woman I mean. Lord knows I had my fair share of being married to a man this long.” Looking at my face she patted my knee. “Don’t worry honey I am not that stupid to think that switching the gender would solve all the world’s problems.”

 

We emptied the bottle of wine, laughing. She shared lots of stories about Jane with me and as we both heard the car pull into the driveway she patted my knee again, motioning her head into direction of the door, letting me know it was more than okay to head out for Jane.

 

Probably her next words would have let even me blush to no end, if it wasn’t for the alcohol. “You know when children are involved you will learn very fast to turn it down some notches, once you have her between your legs you want to keep her there, so enjoy being free as long as it lasts,” she picked up the box of earplugs and let them rustle in it, winking at me.

 

This conversation separated the carefree time from a very, very different week and splitting December in a half, starting the moment the doorbell rang while we were getting ready in the bathroom for a night in front of TV.

 

“I get it,” I said, running down the stairs.

 

As I opened the door I was swept off of my feet and before I even could react there were lips pressed to mine. Right this moment… Jane came down the stairs. She cleared her throat and Ian put me back to the ground.

 

“Sorry. I didn’t know you had company.”

 

“Obviously I …,” I started and was cut off by Jane.

 

“Hi, I’m Jane.”

 

“Good evening Jane, I am Ian. An old friend of Maura.”

 

“I thought so. Your greeting left not much to imagination. Would you like to come in and have a glass of wine with us?” She walked over to the kitchen and took three glasses and opened a bottle of a French red wine. Why… I was so confused right then. There was my ex standing, kissing me, unasked and there was my fiancé playing cool…

 

“Sorry Maura I didn’t know you had a visitor,” Ian said again.

 

“No, Ian.” I finally had found my voice again as Jane motioned for Ian to sit. “She isn’t a visitor.” Ian laughed... dump. Can you laugh dump? If you can it probably sounds the way he did. “She lives here,” I snapped.

 

“I didn’t know you are the housemate-type, Maura.” The giant man on the couch looked puzzled.

 

“She isn’t my housemate. We are going to get married.”  

 

Ian was caught off guard for a moment. “Whom are you going to marry? And why are you living together if… Oh… each other?” Jane nodded with a faint grin.

 

I wasn’t nearly in a mood to laugh. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I…,” Ian started but I wasn’t finished and it also wasn’t really a question because I already knew the answer.

 

“You appear on our doorstep after what… nearly two years without any signs from you for what… your usually booty call…”

 

“Maura,” Jane cut me off. “Maybe we should cool down a notch and you both can talk about it in the morning,” she offered. “Do you have a place where you can stay over night?” Jane asked Ian.

 

He shook his head. “But…”

 

“You can stay in the guest-room.” He followed Jane into the hall and she opened him the door.

 

“How can you stay that calm?” I asked her, movie skipped, being back in our bedroom.

 

“Should I have a reason to be upset?” I could just stare at her. “Yay…, he kissed you and what? If he tries again in the morning I may shoot him, but how can I blame him for that? He didn’t even know that we are a couple,” Jane explained.

 

She was right, somehow. The usual procedure for it was Ian showing up without any warning, we would have sex, he would take all the medical supplies he needed and would be gone again. I was okay with it for a long while, but after tasting what life had to offer I had gotten angry at him, at myself.

 

For me letting him doing that, for him doing it and for the stupidity of me believing there could be more than using each other. I was a willing part of it and I hadn’t the right to be angry at him.

 

But I was and I was sure it had little to do with the fact how he used to show up at my home, in my life and much with him showing up at our home, in our life and remembering me of the life I didn’t live anymore.

 

“You are right, but I closed this chapter of my life… I know you are secure in my love for you.”

 

Her hands crept up beneath my robe. “Maybe I need some reassurance. It’s not every day that some handsome Australian turns up on the doorstep. Who is also a doctor and fits all of your explanations about some fancy hormones, responsible for searching mating partners with good baby making genes.“

 

This could have sounded anything but secure, but I knew she was just lightening the mood, taking the bull by the horns. I smiled at her, enjoying her long and gentle fingers on my bare skin.

 

“Mhhh.” I let my robe slid down my body, walking her back to our bed and lowered us both down.

 

“Tall,” my hands ran up Jane’s body.

 

“Strong,” my index ran along her biceps.

 

“Beautiful” I kissed Jane’s fingertips. “Bone” Her jaw. “Structure” Her chin. “Sounds that like anyone you know?”

 

Jane giggled. “So you are counting me as a potential mating partner for you?”  

 

I giggled also. “Yes… you are the only one who is supposed to make me a baby,” I breathed into her ear.

 

“That sounds like a plan I’m willing to fulfil,” Jane whispered, before I found myself underneath her.

 

At three in the morning I felt as Jane left my side and patted down the stairs. There was only one reason for Jane to be up at this hour if it wasn’t for work or for me and that were nightmares. Or possibly she wasn’t so at ease with the situation like she had made me believe. So I followed her down to the main floor.

 

“Hey you’re up?”

 

“Yes. Jet-lag… it takes one or two nights to get used to it. Hey I’m sorry. I really didn’t know.”

 

“It’s fine, what kind of tea is that?”

 

“Taste like strawberries, you want some?”

 

“Yes, I go and get a mug.”

 

I stayed in the hallway, not knowing what to do. Afraid of getting caught when I would retreat upstairs again, so I just stayed.

 

They sat in silence for nearly five minutes.

 

“You two have already set a date for your wedding?”

 

Jane nodded her head. “Yes, July.”

 

Nothing more, nothing less. Jane in detective mode.

 

“How long have you two been together?”

 

 “Next month it will be a year.”

 

“Did you go to college together?”

 

“No.”

 

“How do you know each other?”

 

“Work.”

 

“So you know each other since Maura moved to Boston?”

 

“Yep.”

 

This conversation was odd. They both sat there, staring ahead of themselves, not sharing one glance. Faces unmoved, talking with such a coldness in their voices.

 

“Morning,” my voice was low.

 

“Hey, honey,” Jane stood up rather quickly and smiled brightly.

 

“Something wrong? I missed you,” I asked her, not even trying to hide my affections the slightest towards her from Ian.  

 

“No everything is fine, let’s go back to bed. Night Ian.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the stairs.

 

After breakfast Jane changed into her softball uniform, said goodbye to me outside the front door with a long and gentle kiss and headed off to meet the guys. After I came back into the house there was an awkward silence.

 

“Did you do that on purpose last night?”

 

I looked at him. “What do you mean?”

 

He laughed. “I think you know what I mean.”

 

I shook my head and started filling the dishwasher. I was absolutely clueless to which part of last night he was hinting, exactly.

 

“You were never vocal.”

 

I froze on the spot. Yes, I probably should have expected that. “I think this is none of your business.”

 

“Oh I think it is my business if you feign such a show just to get rid of me.” His words were enough for me to get angry.

 

“You think I’m not able to tell you that I don’t want to see you anymore in that way? That I use the most important person in my entire life just to drop you?” I laughed. “You are kidding me, aren’t you?”

 

“I thing, that is your job. A woman… and about to marry, really? Who do you thing is going to buy that shit and since when are you a dyke?”

 

“Watch your mouth Ian! I do love Jane and if that makes me gay, I am.”

 

“Yes and I’m the tooth fairy. I can remember many nights you were anything but gay.”

 

That was enough. Yes I had sex with him, a lot I would even say and I liked him. We had fun, even outside the bed, but who did he think he was?

 

“What is it that is talking here, your injured pride? I’m very happy with Jane and if you really want to know I’m sure I can add some more injuries.” I started to put away the leftover items from breakfast.

 

“I’m all ear, Maura.”

 

“Why do you have to be like that?” I asked him, not sure I knew the man sitting in our kitchen even for he smallest bit anymore.

 

“Like what? Because I’m not buying your dyke shit. I sat here last night and had to laugh. First I laughed about your little show upstairs and than about hers down here. You two should polish your little story a bit, her answers were only monosyllabic, not very convincing.”

 

“I think it’s time for you to leave Ian.”

 

He stood but didn’t move. “I think it’s time for you to end that show.” He tried to grab my arm and I moved away from him as fast and far as I could.

 

“Don’t you dare touch me!”

 

“As I told you already I remember a lot of…,” he started.

 

“I thought you were intelligent Ian. Why don’t you understand what I tell you,” I cut him of and he cut me of as well in return.

 

“I know I’ve hurt you… in the past, but I’m going to stay in Boston. I’m back for good. I’m about to take an engagement at a prestigious private practice.”

 

“Well, I’m glad for you but this doesn’t change anything.”

 

“I think it changes a lot. I’m here for you now.”

 

“Maybe this could have worked years ago, but I doubt that and what I know for sure is that it won’t work now. I love Jane more than anything and we are going to get married in July and there is nothing I want more than that.”

 

“At least your story is identical but I’m not going to buy it anyway.”

 

“Why are you so resistant to believe me?”

 

“Because you are about to over-egg this pudding.”

 

I shook my head. “I think this conversation is a waste of time. You don’t believe me and it doesn’t matter to me. Did you see the ring on my finger? At least that should tell you the truth.”

 

“You didn’t wear it yesterday.”

 

I groaned. “Yes, because we were getting ready for bed.” I had no idea how I could get rid of him, in that moment I had wished Jane was there. I had thought about calling her. No, I was an adult and I would be able to manage him alone.

 

“Listen. I don’t know why I am doing this… I don’t need to justify anything. We had some things in common and I liked you but you have no right to claim me. We never were a couple Ian. Friends with benefits, that’s what Jane called our arrangement, but nothing more. And you know that. You were the one who never wanted to commit to me but looking back now it was probably for the best. I wished we could handle this peacefully.”

 

“We can, if you would stop acting like the hurt princess. Tell my why did she leave you with me when she knows we were lover’s for years?”

 

“Because we trust each other!”

 

“Of course… more of that sappy bullshit.” He closed more distance to me. “You know I don’t care with how many you shared your bed when I was unavailable, but I’m here now and I’ll stay this time. Even though that dyke touched you…”  

 

I shot forward and slapped his face.

 

“Don’t you dare talk about Jane like this…”

 

Being polite was the last thing on my mind and the urge to hurt him in some way was unbearable. Obviously he hadn’t wanted it in any other way.

 

“She is the love of my live and yes she is more than capable of satisfying me in any ways. I always refused to believe it, but it seems to be the truth, that all men think they need their damn dick to satiate a woman. I can tell you this is nothing but a delusion. She is able to talk me into an orgasm and yes, they are so intense that I have to be vocal. I hope this is what you wanted to hear… I’m leaving now and when we come back I would prefer that you are gone.”

 

Jane would haven been so proud of me… and it felt so fantastic…

 

I moved fast forward to the door.

 

“Too bad Ian, I used to think very highly of you. If you ever want to come back again, your apology has to be very good,” and with that I left him standing in our kitchen.   

 

That could have been the worst ill-highlight of December… could have…

 

Driving over to the gymnasium of Boston Public Schools in North End, where homicide was aloud to practice during the winter, I cursed inside my head, making a sailor looking like an innocent school girl. While it had last I was perfectly fine with the life I had chosen, but now my past was getting back to me, time after time. Garrett, Ian, my secretly double life in dark hotel rooms, my biological father… I wrecked my brain. Trying to think about any possibility of what would come next… was there anything else? Was there another dark shadow on my soul which would maybe tip the scale over?

 

As I entered Jane knew immediately that my conversation with Ian hadn’t ended on good terms. She threw her mitt over to Frankie without even looking at him, sitting down beside me.

 

“That bad?”

 

“Worse,” it was all I answered and all it needed.

 

She laced our fingers together. “I am sorry,” she whispered. And she was, is, whole hearty. Not sorry for Ian not getting me back… of course not, but sorry for me loosing someone I once thought was my friend, regardless of him being my on-off-lover.

 

**Jane’s POV**

 

I took Maura home after whatever disaster Ian had left behind. I didn’t ask, she would tell me anyway. When she was ready… I had made some tea for her and she cuddled up against me on the sofa and she had cried hard. I didn’t know what had happened but after she told me, stuttering, fighting with tears and for words I had understood. She not only had cried for loosing a friend, if he ever was one but rather she had cried about her inability to make people stay, for her inability to see the truth behind their faked smiles and words.

 

If he ever would have the balls to come back I will beat the crap out of him, okay that’s not really me but I will. Not because he insulted me, because he had made Maura cry and suffer, had made her lashing out at him. I truly was proud of her, but still… that wasn’t Maura and he had done that to her. For Maura being the most smart human being I know she has few to none self-confidence deep down and that Australian bastard had broken something in her.

 

She felt asleep, exhausted. As she drifted off into a deeper slumber I picked her up and carried her into our bedroom carefully. She looked so small, fragile in my arms. How could anyone be able to hurt her… I slowly kneeled on the bed, crouching over, placing her on ‘our’ side, carefully dressed her down to her underwear, evening out, I laid down beside her. Softly stroking her beautiful face, whispering words of sweet nothings into her ear, remembering she once told me that the human brain processes sounds better during sleep… or something like that.  

 

Well that was before all hell was let loose…

 

I still stroked her hair in a constant, soft rhythm as Maura woke some hours later. She looked at me, didn’t say anything, just covering my hand with hers before leaning in for a soft, short kiss, leaving our lips in touch with each others.

 

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” she whispered faintly.

 

Oh it had cost me a lot not to crush his balls as I came down, witnessing Maura in his arms and his lips on hers and if she hadn’t warned me already after the Fairfield case I probably would have left, right the next second. Barefoot, dressed in nothing but a tee and boxers. Jealousy is a dangerous animal and it felt for the split of a second like I couldn’t breathe anymore, like my heart was crushed in a bench vice… Watching the love of your life kissing someone else is nothing I wish anyone, not even my worse enemy… 

 

The wounded animal inside me wanted to leave but I am not that person anymore… Misunderstandings had already created enough damage in the past… Fairfield, my own brother… no… that would never happen again, never. I can play it cool. I am a detective. I am trained for this and watching her body language gave me the needed strength. She was far from happy and comfortable in his arms and she showed it very well… leave it to that chunk to misread her.

 

I wished I hadn’t left her with him, knowing very well his words had cut her like a knife. But wasn’t that what had needed to be done? Supporting her, showing her faith and trust and there was nothing that had left me thinking that he was about to hurt her, at least physically. They shared a past with each other and I was willing to let them sort it out by themselves. Whatever you do, afterwards you are always smarter… I would even have come clean with them staying friends… somehow. It wasn’t that Maura’s past was any of my business but sitting at a table with one of her ex-lovers was nothing I was exited about. But I was willing to swallow my pride for her.

 

**Maura’s POV**

We didn’t get any of the fifty two calls on each of our phones. I didn’t even know they weren’t inside our bedroom. I had fallen asleep on the couch and woke in bed, Jane softly caressing my head and face. We were both off call and so I didn’t even spend a split second to where my phone was… like we both didn’t get what was going on in front and inside our house not until we both tumbled into our kitchen, barely dressed, kissing and fooling around like teenagers, needing something to eat after all, that we looked into two well known faces sitting on our couch, rather embarrassed and looking guilty.

 

Staring from one to another we were both somewhat confused…

 

“That’s one weird dream…,” Jane said just a little over a whisper. That was when Barry stood.

 

“Care to explain why the two of you are sitting in our living room?” she asked him.

 

“You probably should get dressed first,“ Vince mumbled and so we did in record time.

 

“Now I am dying to hear what you both have to say.”

 

“Maybe you want to sit,” Barry looked directly at Jane.

 

“Not again…,” Jane whispered but it wasn’t that Hoyt had escaped again but it wasn’t either that we could be sure it wasn’t him at all. It would suit him…

 

“We called you both… several times, your mother did too and after what had happened we thought you probably were in trouble.”

 

“We didn’t hear any of your calls,” Jane whispered.

 

“Yeah we figured that already…,” Barry breathed back pointing to the ceiling in direction of our bedroom. Jane looked up to him.

 

“Sorry,” he mouthed.

 

We sat there… shell shocked and it was the last thing on my mind that both of them had obviously been standing outside our bedroom, audible witnessing my climax.

 

There had been a comprehensive attack, to all members of the Rizzoli family, at least to all of them living here in Boston. Tommy had gotten hold of Frank, obviously he was just fine down there in Florida but everybody else… Tommy himself had gotten attacked by a black car, crossing the street in front of his apartment, same car which had obviously tried to push Frankie from the street. Angela’s breaks had been manipulated and if she hadn’t tried to stop her car just after starting to roll, because she had something left at the café, it could have ended badly.

 

So it was totally understandable that Jane’s partners had panicked the moment they couldn’t get a hold of us. They had arrived with the cavalry, in totally silence. They had used Angela’s key to not alarm any intruder by breaking down the front door. Jo hadn’t even whimpered knowing them both very well. They had swept the house from the basement to the first floor and they were ready to enter our bedroom as they heard Jane’s name fall from my lips.

 

At least nobody had gotten seriously hurt.

 

They were processing the rest of the house, techs examined our cars as the next shoe dropped. There had been a fire… Theresa and Lilly both involved. Rushing over to Shriners Burns Institute at Mass Gen. we found them all already there. Tommy on crutches, Frankie a totally mess and Angela in tears.

 

Theresa and Lilly were both in surgery and we could do nothing but wait.

 

The reliving message on Lilly came rather fast. Obviously Theresa had buried and shielded her daughter with her own body, not being able to leave the apartment. The fire had started at the door, to cut of their way and living in the third floor there was no other way out.

 

Barry and Vince had followed as soon as possible. Jane was pacing the waiting room. We all wrecked our brains about what was going on. It had come without any warning. There were so many possibilities… Hoyt, Paddy, any other mob-family in Boston who had possible knowledge of me being the daughter of Patrick Doyle jun. or any other psychopath facing this earth. It could be an attack because of me, because of Jane, maybe even because of Frankie… not even that was sure by then.

 

Theresa was burned badly and that was even phrased mildly. They had already reanimated her two times on the way over to the hospital and after six hours of waiting it was clear that it would be a wonder if she would make it to the next day.

 

Frankie, Angela and Tommy stayed with Lilly and as we all knew we couldn’t do much in the hospital they send us away. So we ended up with Barry and Vince in the head quarter. Going over any evidence that the forensic lab gathered, which was nearly nothing at all. We were all confused and clueless. The breaks at both our cars were manipulated as well.

 

Commuting between work and hospital, running on low sleep for three days we just arrived upstairs in the bullpen, having shared the, I am never going to admit this out loud, rather uncomfortable couch in my office for two hours to take a little rest as a woman’s voice from the door pulled all our attention.

 

“Jane…”

 

Jane turned her head that fast that she could easily had wrenched it and she looked shell shocked.

 

“Gia…,” she whispered.

 

Nobody knew what was going on, first the attack… then Jane stared at the woman like she had seen a ghost.

 

She swallowed and stood. “Maura… meet…”

 

“Dr. Gia Findley,” I finished her sentence.

 

“Dr. Maura Isles,” the other woman answered, a faint smile on her lips.

 

“God Gia,” Jane wrapped her arms around one of the best, if not ‘the’ best forensic psychologist the world had ever seen and a woman I respected and admired for the work she did until she had dared to kiss, briefly, but still kissed my fiancé directly on her mouth. “You shouldn’t be here, you know that,” Jane pressed from her lips finding herself in a crushing hug.

 

“I won’t be long if you don’t clear up this situation rather fast,” she laughed. “I am sure your fiancé right now plans the best way to kill and hide me.”

 

She released Jane from her arms and reached her hand towards me. “Gia Findley née Mazzini, cousin of the famous Detective Jane Rizzoli.”

 

I felt the blush creeping up my neck. _Well done Isles_ …

 

Jane swatted her arm. “Gia… fun aside you really shouldn’t be here.” Jane’s face switched from amused to worriedly.

 

Gia simply put her purse down on Jane’s desk and pulled out some pictures, throwing them on the table. “I watched every news sender in the past three days and bought every paper I could get my hands on, but there was nothing.”

 

Jane looked at the pictures. “Where did you get these?”

 

“So it’s true?” She went rather pale and sacked back into Jane’s chair. “I am sorry. I am so sorry,” she whispered.

 

I took the photos. It was all there. A picture of paramedics loading Tommy into the ambulance, firemen running out of a burning house, Angela sitting in her car, looking rather shocked, Frankie’s police cruiser in the ditch. A picture of our house, police cars all over the street.

 

“I am so sorry,” Gia whispered again. Pulling out a white envelope and a single red rose.

 

‘You need to come back to me’ a sheet of ordinary white paper read.

 

Barry and Vince went down to the café, getting some beverages and food for us all, giving Gia some time to come over her shock.

 

While my study I had stumbled over an article about Dr. Gia Findley. Forensic psychologist, profiler for the FBI, renowned for the gift or curse, that depends how you looked at it, to see and feel like the psychopaths she hunted. Some years ago she disappeared from the face of the earth suddenly.

 

Barry and Vince arriving back we decided to set up our base in my office. Barry wheeled a rather large TV into it and used my laptop to work with. Jane offered Gia advantage but she refused and so Jane took over. Gia scribbled something down and handed it to Jane, who handed the piece of paper over to Barry.

 

“Frost can you pull up this case file from the FBI.” Seconds later fifteen pictures of different people, male and female, black and white, old and young appeared on the screen.

 

“Virginia Ripper or Jack the Ripper junior like the press used to call him murdered fifteen people between 1995 and 1999 from what they know, there could be a lot more. For sure is that he killed eleven people from 1997 til 1999 as he start to leave messages at his crime scenes.” She picked up a ruler from my desk and pointed at the first four pictures.

 

“Sharon White, Annie Connors, Sarah Chapel and Molly Brown murdered all in an interval from six month to each other. Stabbed to death, brutally mutilated. Prostitutes. That’s why he earned himself the name Jack the Ripper junior. Molly Brown was the first Victim FBI introduced Gia into the investigation. Victim number five Marie Capwell was the first where he left a message and he killed her only a month after Molly Brown.”

 

Jane clicked something on the laptop and a picture appeared on the screen. Something obviously only visible in fluorescent light was written on the wall. It read ‘Hello Gia’… plain as that.

 

“After that he changed his MO, killed every next victim with something he took from the last victims place. Dr. Nelson Baxter,” she pointed to a black man in his late fifties maybe early sixties. “Strangled with an extension cord he took from Capwell’s garage.”

 

She pointed to a woman. “Maria Alvarez, he did surgery on her with a scalpel he took from Baxter, while she was still alive. He did a cut from her sternum to her pubic bone, removing her organs feeding her own dogs with them. Elisabeth Harrison,” she pointed the next picture.

 

“He locked her in a dog cage, as before, removed from Maria Alvarez property, tortured her for two days. Burned her feed with cigarettes, whipped her with a lash, also taken from Alvarez, so badly that she bleed to death.”

 

Jane looked over to her cousin. “All of this happened in the space of six month, after that Gia took a break, [maternity](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/maternity.html) [leave](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/leave.html). He called her at home, send flower… red roses, sending pictures. Pictures which showed that he was very close to them. He wanted her to return, he missed her and after Gia… of course refused to cut her break short he killed Sharon Dexter, the midwife who assisted with Grace’s birth. He cut her throat open with a knife he had removed from Harrison’s kitchen.”

 

“Nicklas Cooper, his head was smashed with a bat he took from Sharon’s son. Ally Wilson, perforated two hundred and fifty times with a power drill he took from Cooper’s garage. Erica Walker, hung with the belt of Ally Wilson. Peter Smith, chained to the bottom of his pool. Miguel Sanchez beheaded with an ax and last but not least Randall Facault.”

 

Hearing this name all three of us looked up to her, surprised. She simply nodded and fixed her gaze on Gia, tilting her head to the right. The other woman also nodded, barely noticeable.

 

“You wanna go for a walk, maybe have a look at the lab if that’s okay with Maura,“ I also nodded. “Of course it is.” Gia stood and walked out of my office without another word.

 

Jane was silent for some long minutes. “I know I can trust you, all of you but I need to say this… all of what I am going to tell you now you have to take to your own grave.” Nobody said anything. It was how it worked between all of us…

 

“As we already established Gia worked as a profiler for the FBI and so she mostly got all of the real deal, the real freaks like Randall Facault. It all happened two month before I joined homicide. In the middle of the night of the 4th April of 1999 Randall Facault forced entry into a house near the FBI academy in Quantico after poisoning the dog. To be exact, the house of Matt, Gia and Grace Findley. He captured their three year old daughter Grace in the nursery and forced her parents down to the living room, further he forced Gia to tie Matt to a chair, with duct tape, after that he tied Gia and Grace by himself also to chairs from their dining room. Then he went to work,” Jane swallowed hard.

 

“First he tortured the poor little girl, inflicting two hundred burns with a cigarette and every ten minutes he cut her from shoulders to stomach with a box cutter just deep enough to bleed out slowly, in between he raped Gia again and again with any subject he could get a hold on. Before he at least relived Grace after two hours he cut out her tongue and forced Matt to swallow it,” Jane visible and audible was shocked to the bones, she shivered and her voice was weak and broken.

 

“He repeated the same procedure with Matt, burning, cutting, raping Gia all over again, removing Matt’s tongue before he killed him and then he concentrated himself on Gia. He tortured her for six more hours and then he left her there, barely alive physically, destroyed and dead emotionally with the dead bodies of her husband and daughter. They found her twenty four hours later because she hadn’t showed up to work and not answered any calls. Two days later the head of Randall Facault was spiked at top of the flag pole in front of the FBI academy.”

 

Jane pulled up another picture. A photo of the disembodied head under black light.

 

‘In love Jack’ was written on the forehead.

 

Jane was done and so were all of us, hitting home to closely. Not only for it being Jane’s cousin, we all had learned recently, but also being always a target in the line of our duty. Reminding us of the close calls Jane has had herself with Hoyt.

 

“His fingerprints aren’t registered anywhere, his blood type is AB negative. I am sure your lap will confirm that it’s his blood the letter is written in. Nobody has ever seen him. He is good at almost everything. His crime scenes are almost perfection, he seems to masters everything. His cuts are precisely and clean, the knots are related to sailing, he can hack, he infiltrated the FBI two times and they couldn’t trace him. He is like a phantom and he is very dangerous, jealous and easy to offend. He is calm and stone-cold with his crimes, he takes his time, enjoys what he does. He is proud of them and he shows it.”

 

She took a deep breath. “We can burry all those theories about Hoyt or Doyle or whomever, this is our man. He seems to believe that if he scares her enough she will go back, he is like Jack the Ripper. He sees her as his only worthy opponent.”

 

She went over to the coffee table and picked up a folder. “After what happened with Matt and Grace Gia quit and hides away from this world. I kept track on him, there are another twenty one victims, presents for Gia. On her birthday and Christmas and each year on the 4th of April another one showed up, all of them tortured the way Matt and Grace had to suffer, each of them marked on the forehead with the words ‘In love Jack’. All of them are mostly scum, friends, family and ex-cons, cellmates from Randall Facault.”

 

She looked at us for some minutes. “I think he is hurt, hurt that she doesn’t appreciate and acknowledged his gifts and now he tries to scare her back into her job, that’s why he is going after us. As much as I don’t like feds but we have to inform the FBI, that’s an enemy we are not going to defeat by ourselves.”

 

She sacked down into the chair, suddenly powerless, defeated, scared. Vince and Barry left to inform Cavenaugh and I locked the door, exactly knowing the words that would spill out of her mouth in the near future. With a swift move I sat across her lap, pressed my index on her lips and shook my head slowly.

 

“Don’t you dare apologise for anything that has happened in the past days,” I whispered before I softly pressed my lips to hers, burying my face in her neck, needing some minutes being just the both of us. That’s when her phone went off and the unavoidable had happened. Theresa had succumbed to her injuries.

 

Later, when we sat in the hospital, after hours of whispered deliberations how to handle the current… rather difficult, situation, Jane had felt asleep against my shoulder, at the end of her tether. I had turned myself around, more towards her, wrapping my arms around, resting my face against hers. Comforting her and me myself at the same time. The past days had been stress and dreadful and we all didn’t know how hard it may come in the near future.

 

Lilly’s physical condition was rather well but she had yet to learn that her mother hadn’t survived. I knew how much Jane mourned and suffered in agony. Theresa had taken the chance to die, saving her girls life. She may have not been the earnestly and most reputable human being but in the end she had done the most honourable thing and Jane had difficulty looking at her own reflection… it wasn’t her fault and after all she was at the time more than justified to not like Theresa… that’s who she is…

 

We both stirred around the same time. Who had woken whom was rather irrelevant but for the first thirty seconds all I could sense was her. Her scent, her breath, her warmth gave me enough confidence to pull through what ever would come when I would open my eyes. She searched for my hand, laced her fingers between mine and squeezed softly, silently communicating everything that needed to be said. Thank you, I love you, I am here for you and I will be here until the very end…

 

There are moments when each family need to close ranks and it was on me to do my bit, not that anybody did expect anything... First of all I asked Cavenaugh to put a security detail on our home, which was without further ado settled, secondly we accommodated every Rizzoli under our roof, including Gia.  

 

This time however it would probably come in handy to be a bit better off than average people. I needed to talk to Jane, rather at a short notice and only the two of us and I did. As we crawled into our own bed for the first time in four days, the rest of the family, including Vince and Barry, were sprawled out over the rest of our house. Jane didn’t want anyone to stay over in the guest house, so Angela and Gia shared the guestroom upstairs, Tommy and Frankie the one downstairs and both of Jane’s partners insisted to stay in the living room, closest to the entrances.  

 

Coming to rest in the shelter of Jane’s body warmth I pondered how to spill my guts as she likes to call it and like always she beat me to it.

 

“If you want me to find any sleep at all you’ll have to turn down the volume of your brain,” I could hear her grin while she spoke.

 

“There is something I was thinking about,” I send a death-glare over, hearing her chuckle a ‘no shit Sherlock’ remark.

 

“Our neighbours are selling their house,” I pointed in the direction.

 

“And?”

 

“Iwanttobuyit,” I rushed out under my breath.

 

“Excuse me?” I could see her eyes even in the darkness of the room.

 

I buried my face in her neck. “I want to buy it… I know it will take some time but… we probably need more room anyway if we start a family and I really love our house and if we buy the house we can rebuild them… combine them to one with more room.”

 

I took a deep breath. “Frankie will also need to move, your apartment is not suitable to raise a child and I thought maybe we could pull down the garage and also expand the guesthouse… so he can move there with Lilly. As a single parent he will need as much help as we can provide.”

 

I was truly a little anxiously of what she would say. Sure she loved her family to no end but having them living next door was something else.

 

“You do know what you are suggesting… I mean I totally love you for caring so much about my family…,” I cut her off. “Our Jane, we are in this together… forever and longer if you want me, that is.”

 

 

There wasn’t any other word shared that night, we just lay there in silence. My face on her left shoulder, buried against her neck, pressing soft kisses against her skin, here and then, her left arm around me, holding me as close as possible. We both weren’t able to sleep a single second that night but it didn’t matter as long as we were together, even in insomnia.

After getting out of the shower Jane went down to get breakfast going, me needing some more time to get ready, however often Jane tells me that I am perfect even waking up just yet, four days and nights on minimal sleep did nothing good on me. There was a faint knock on the frame of our bedroom door, standing widely open.

 

“I wanted to apologise for yesterday… it wasn’t quite a nice way to meet each other.”

 

I looked up into her eyes through the mirror of the vanity table I was sitting at, applying my mascara.

 

“It is not your fault…,” she cut me off mid-sentence. “No, I am not talking about the things that lead me to show up. I am talking about the kiss…”

 

I smiled at her and shook my head slightly. “There is nothing to apologise for, you are her family.”

 

“I saw the look on your face. I didn’t think and I hurt you and I want at least apologise for that.”

 

She was right. She is Jane’s cousin and it couldn’t have been more innocent but I didn’t knew that at the very moment it was happening and it felt like someone had ripped my heart out… standing there and watching Jane kissing another woman. In that moment, even she did never say anything, I knew how she must have had felt coming down and watching me in Ian’s arms, him kissing me. It doesn’t matter that you know the other one would never cheat on you, it hurts like bitch.

 

I smiled again and bowed my head slightly. “Thank you. I appreciate your concern. Knowing I have nothing to worry about made it less painfully and knowing who you are I am totally at peace with you kissing her.” Despite the fact that she almost always squirted out of her mother embrace I know she likes it a lot… small exchanges of endearments, a briefly hug or a little peck here and then, from her family.

 

I remember like it was yesterday as I saw her face lighten up for the split of a second as her father pulled her roughly into a side hug and pecked her temple.

 

“I am a real fan of your work. I’ve read them all and I couldn’t belief it as I saw in the newspaper that Janie is going to marry you or you her… or whatever.”

 

She reminds me so much of Jane. Owning a doctors degree did nothing to the way she was brought up. A loose tongue… just like Jane and looking at her it could have dawned on me that she was somehow related to my sweet Italian. Obviously their features where mostly coming from Angela’s side of the family… she looked so much like Jane and Frankie but who would compare a stranger you only saw once or twice on a picture to your loved one.

 

“I also am sorry for dragging you all into my business,” she sighed. “I am so tired of all of this.”

 

I searched for her eyes again in the mirror and turned slowly towards her. Oh she so reminds me of Jane. “Don’t be, you didn’t ask for any of this and I know for sure that anyone under this roof is willing to bear whatever comes their way.” I motioned for her to sit on our bed

 

She smiled tiredly at me. “I like you… and she adores you. It’s the way she’s looking at you. She deserves to be happy.”

 

I never met any of Jane’s relatives beside her parents and brothers but I truly got the feeling that this special character I loved so dearly was running much deeper into their bloodline.

 

She sighed heavily. “You know I often thought about going back but when I do it now he will think that he’s in charge. That he gets what he wants if he treats my family and what if he’ll be not the only one…”

 

“I don’t like what if’s… you could get run over when you cross a street but you don’t ask yourself what if… you just go. It doesn’t change anything and it doesn’t matter either. What happens… happens.”

 

Half an hour later Gia’s former team arrived at our home. I never would give this statement out loud but I agree with Jane and her partners when it comes to FBI. Feds are most likely arrogant assholes but they aren’t ‘normal’ feds. Together the build the VCTF short for Violent Crime Task Force and they are infamous for their efficacy. They hunt down the low life, the real freaks. Serial killers and psychopaths, the worst of worse.

 

I truly had imagined our first Christmas as a couple differently, but like I said already whatever will happen as long as Jane is by my side it doesn’t matter.

 

The first time we came down to breath properly was three days shy to Christmas.

 

Busy with the paperwork purchasing our neighbourhood house, which Jane only agreed me accepting to use all of her savings. Financially necessary or not, being in a relationship, in a healthy and equally one, it is all about give and take. I give while I take and the same goes for her.

 

I gave her peace taking her money and she gave everything she owns taking the opportunity to give her family a home along creating a home for our very own future family.

 

Even busier with the planning for the renovation and rebuild. There was endless coming and going of the architect and my lawyer, Gia’s team, Rizzoli’s and Jane’s partners. Our home transformed into the base of a perfect mix of family and work.

 

Meals were shared in unison and twelve adults and a seven year old girl gathered in front of the T.V. to watch some sports never a single work related word left anyone’s lips during. Angela cared selflessly and lovingly for Lilly between cooking tons of food, doing the laundry, cleaning the house, organizing and doing anything that was in her power to keep us all going and she seemed to rise to her glorious best, regardless of the circumstances.

 

Whatever you want to think or say about this woman she is one hell of a fighter, a mother in every fibre and it is the second best feeling in the world… I love my own mother, even more since we are closer to each other than ever before but I love Angela equally, like another mother. There were times I wished I had one mother and now I have two and I can’t be much happier.

 

Endless hours of intimate conversations in the shelter of the dark yoga room, only lit by some candles. I learned a lot about Jane’s childhood. Gia and Jane had grown up together, in the same Street, not like sisters but brother, as they were both totally tomboys. In between we worked endless hours on gathering as most as possible about the Virginia Ripper and preparing us all as much for any possible attack on our family.

 

It was midday of the 21st December that Gia was officially back as a fully member of the VCTF, the same day Jane and I found ourselves in a suddenly very quite house. I squealed at the top of my voice, making some tea, as Jane suddenly spun me around and heaved me easily on the counter, my body in a nearly perfect angle of 45 degrees leaned back, hers pressed up to mine, kissing deeply.

 

We hadn’t been intimate in nine days. Work, worries and a house full of people hadn’t left much room for privacy and we were very happy just to find shelter in each others arms at night.

 

As she went to lift me up I bit softly down on her earlobe.

 

“Much too far away Jane,” I breathed. I felt the small grin against the skin of my neck and a moment later I heard the tale tell sound of her belt buckle hitting the tiles on the floor. Kissing me she shoved me further on the counter same time she climbed, unknown by me, up there, too. As I felt her going for the buttons on my blouse I cupped her bottom fully but gentle, pulling her closer.  

 

Denying each other for that long leaded to a wonderful night of gentleness and romantic, even happening on the counter in the darkness of our kitchen, the movement sensitive lightning in our house not catching any movements directly in the middle of the room.

 

 

R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I

 

Jane had wrecked her brain until she was sure she had reached the point where it would start to smoke. What do you get someone for Christmas who either has or can buy anything she needs? And not just someone but your girlfriend, your fiancé, and not just something…it had to be something special. There was the problem, if they hadn’t already proposed she could have done that, but no…

 

One night in the beginning of December, when Jane slowly started to get nervous she had absentmindedly stared at a billboard, waiting for the traffic light to switch. At first she had just laughed it off, later that night she had faltered between doing/not doing. To be under deadline pressure made it neither better nor easier to decide. It wasn’t her intention to get a last minute present for Maura, pretty sure the doctor had hers already bought in June.

 

She couldn’t be more wrong. The medical examiner had equal problems although the reasons were different. It wasn’t for the lack of ideas from her side. It was more likely because she didn’t know how Jane would react if Maura would spend money on her.

 

Yes they had put by the money issue, but Maura was not willed to jinx their first Christmas as a couple because she showed off her wealth. Christmas after all wasn’t about how much each present was but rather that it was sincerely chosen.

 

Jane didn’t bring home the smallest pay check. She was highest pay grade as a detective, didn’t have to pay for a car, because she had her unmarked. She didn’t have to pay for rent, because she had bought her place several years ago and didn’t spend much money on shopping.

 

Maura was surprised how much money Jane had actually saved over the years, not that the detective ever had complained about money. She just didn’t see the need to spend it for things she found unnecessary and with Maura making more than three times of her income they could both live without even thinking about using some of the M.E.’s capital.

 

It had come naturally that they would hand off presents as a couple this year. They had spent a Saturday night on the couch, kissing, snuggling, laughing and online shopping for the whole family. That did nothing to release Maura from her misery. A Christmas present for Jane…

 

And when the small doctor was stressed you could bet house and farm that she would do one thing. Shopping! Mostly it would result in online-shoe-shopping but being already on Newbury Street she went for the real deal this time. There, letting her finger glide along the fabric of expensive lingerie, she finally settled on a present, the very second the familiar chime of a xylophone rang to her ears.

 

_They were on their way home from the annual Tree-Lighting-Ceremony in Boston Common as Jane suddenly turned up the volume of her radio to the maximum and it was the first time Maura heard her actually singing, loudly._

 

 _I don't want a lot for Christmas_  
There is just one thing I need  
I don't care about the presents  
Underneath the Christmas tree  
I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true oh  
All I want for Christmas is you  
  
I don't want a lot for Christmas  
There is just one thing I need, and I  
Don't care about the presents  
Underneath the Christmas tree  
I don't need to hang my stocking  
There upon the fireplace  
Santa Claus won't make me happy  
With a toy on Christmas day  
  
I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
All I want for Christmas is you  
  
I won't ask for much this Christmas  
I won't even wish for snow, and I  
I'm just gonna keep on waiting  
Underneath the mistletoe  
  
I won't make a list and send it  
To the North Pole for Saint Nick  
I won't even stay awake  
To hear those magic reindeer click  
  
'Cause I just want you here tonight  
Holding on to me so tight  
What more can I do  
Oh, Baby all I want for Christmas is you  
  
All the lights are shining  
So brightly everywhere  
And the sound of childrens'  
Laughter fills the air  
  
And everyone is singing  
I hear those sleigh bells ringing  
Santa won't you bring me  
The one I really need  
Won't you please bring my baby to me quickly  
  
I don't want a lot for Christmas  
This is all I'm asking for  
I just wanna see my baby  
Standing right outside my door  
  
I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
Baby all I want for Christmas is you  
  
All I want for Christmas is you, baby  
All I want for Christmas is you, baby  
All I want for Christmas is you, baby  
All I want for Christmas is you, baby  
All I want for Christmas is you, baby...

Now she knew the singers name, though she had no idea who that was… She actually liked this song, even more since she could hear Jane’s smoky voice every time the first few chimes resound. Not to forget that Jane actually had answered with those lines as Maura had dared to ask what she wanted as a gift for Christmas.

 

She would buy something to wear for herself, for Jane. She had no doubt Jane had mend it that way, she never had asked for something, materialistically.

 

“ _It is more aesthetically pleasing than bare skin. This is like… like presents. You are never as excited as just before you unwrap them, no matter how perfect the presents are.”_

She would never forget how she had felt in that moment, not only physically but also emotionally. Never anyone had spent a second thought about what she had worn and Jane had made it sound like it was heaven for her.

 

She would have to think about something else, something small to hand off underneath the Christmas tree, although maybe this one would be getting unwrapped under the tree also…

 

Jane was nervous like hell, she had done it but after that she wasn’t sure anymore. The closer the family part of the night came to an end the more uneasy she got. Sure there were options to make it ‘unhappen’ somehow but that wouldn’t erase the look on Maura’s face out of her mind.

 

_Well Rizzoli it’s too late for that now. You can’t refuse to sleep with Maura forever. There is no need to put out the evil hour for longer than necessary._

She advised herself while closing the dishwasher.

 

“Jane,” Maura called from the living room. “I think there is another present for you under the tree.”

 

She took a deep breath and strolled over finding her soon-to-be-ex-fiancé on a bed of blankets in between the Christmas tree and the fireplace. Propped up on her elbow, tempting Jane to come closer, pulling the detective down by her belt.

 

“I didn’t know what to get you as a present, so I hope you will like it.”

 

“But…,” she was cut off with a soft index pressing to her lips. “I think you should unwrap first… before you say something.”

 

She was upright on her knees and pulled Jane into a similar position to hers. That was when Jane realised that Maura was her mysterious present. The Italian scooted a little closer, kissing the M.E gently. It was now or never. Again…

 

With each second that ticked by and their kiss moved along she more and more forgot about her own ‘little’ present, slowly sliding down Maura’s zipper she had no idea what was waiting for her and it couldn’t have been any better. Yes, Maura was the most beautiful woman in the world in her eyes but it literally took her breath away.

 

The blonde doctor on her knees in front of her, wearing a barely there thong in green, Maura would probably hit her and tell her it was called emerald, but what left her speechless was what else her girlfriend was wearing. Never in her life had Jane seen a sexier piece of fabric.

 

The corset Maura wore was what she definitely called a mortal sin. Same color as her thong, covering her back to just underneath her shoulder blades, the sides and barely her breasts. A golden clasp holding it in place and the rest of Maura’s glorious front side was uncovered. Her abs framed by the seam of the corset. Jane didn’t say anything for a long while, stunned into silence but she didn’t need to. Maura had gotten the reaction she had aimed for, she knew the second she saw Jane swallowing hard.

 

“Wow,” Jane whispered. “Would it make me an awful sexist if I say that this is the best gift I ever got?”

 

Maura laughed low. “Do you think I would have bought it if I don’t like the way you are looking at me?” she whispered back. She took hold of both hands of Jane and placed them on her breasts. “I am bursting with pride every time I feel your eyes on me.”

 

Her fingers undoing each button of Jane’s shirt slowly, pulling it from her pants. Hands wandering underneath the fabric to shoulders, searching for skin contact. Pressing their bodies together, losing themselves in a soft kiss Maura’s hands wandered down to the small of the back, pulling the tank loosen and pushing it slowly higher, inch by inch.

 

Jane let her shirt slid down her arms and threw it somewhere behind, Maura following enthusiastically with the tank top without breaking the kiss. Going for the belt buckle without hesitation, pushing pants and panties down over Jane buttocks. Shoving it down all the way with her feet, while she sank back and pulled Jane on top of her, all together in a well trained move.

 

The doctors hands cupped gently her favourite backside, slowly sliding over hips and sides, bringing arms up with her and then she felt it, something was different. Something on Jane’s skin, did she hurt herself… maybe that was why last night she suddenly was so tired and had fell asleep dressed in her workpants and tank top. She didn’t want her to know that she was injured.

 

Suddenly her hands froze on Jane’s body and the detective shot up into a kneeling position. That was when Maura saw it. Her fingers shot up to her lips, covering her mouth.

 

“Oh my God… Jane.”

 

They sat there both in stupor, unmoving, staring. Only when a lonely tear fell from Maura’s eyes Jane came back to life, panicking.

 

“It will leave scars but it can be removed,” she whispered defeated.

 

Maura hesitated, pulling her fingers slightly from her lips. “Can… can I touch it?” her voice sounded weak, shivering. Jane lifted her left arm and set her side on display.

 

The doctor’s fingers made contact, lightly. Carefully.

 

“That’s my name…,” she breathed barely audible, like she had discovered the most herded secret in the world.

 

μ

α

υ

ρ

α

 

There it was, in all its glory, her name… in ancient Greek, carved into the skin of her personal goddess in flesh. Starting at the level of her breasts, down to her hip bone.

 

Maura’s heart felt like tearing apart. Jane had crucified herself, for her. She knew exactly how less body fat there was and how many nerves and how painfully it must have been. Suddenly it dawned on her that Jane had thought that she was disgusted…

 

She tore her look away from the side and searched for chocolate colored eyes. Fearfully chocolate colored eyes. Was there anything she could say?

 

She just pulled her down again, kissing her like she would die if they split. When they did, she searched again for eyes. “You lied to me Jane Rizzoli,” she whispered against her lips. “You lied to me last night.”

 

Jane couldn’t help herself and started to laugh. “Is that all you have to say?”

 

“I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know if I want to make sweet love with you and show you what it does to my heart or if I want to ravish you until anyone of us can’t take it anymore and show you what it does to my libido.”

 

“I was so afraid you would be disgusted…”

 

That was when a sob left Maura’s lips. “Jane… you are never be able to erase that, even the scars would still shape my name on your skin. How could I ever be disgusted… this is… the greatest physically proof of love. My name carved into your skin… there are no words to tell you how much that means to me. Though never it would have crossed my mind, ever… this is so overwhelming.”

 

“Puh… you have no idea how much I sweated the whole evening, afraid you would hate it. I remembered how much you admired Riley’s tattoo, but I wasn’t really sure how you would react. I wrecked my brain about a present for you and then I saw a promotion poster, stopping at a red light. It was about a campaign to fight prejudice.

 

There were two women, one like you and one more like me, on the left side they were both clothed, one in dress, one casual. On the right side both of them were shown in underwear and the one like you were tattooed but the one like me not and you wouldn’t had guessed what was hidden by that fancy dress.

 

So I decided that my side was perfect for it, on the left because it’s closer to my heart and then I had to think about what I wanted there. First I thought about spelling your name in chemical elements, but there is no single M in the periodic table and then I thought about the symbols for mendelevium and iodine because Md and I, but then I thought it was a bit overboard maybe and I liked how you name looked that way and because ancient Greek and science are so much related…”

 

Maura had listened to all of her rambling and it wasn’t like she didn’t appreciate the effort Jane had spent into research but she stopped her with a kiss anyway. “In lack of words for it… I love it Jane. I love you, more than you will ever know.”

 

Maura bit her lower lip. “You sure I can touch it?”

 

Jane smiled. “Sure, as long as your hands are clean but I know yours are, always.” She kissed the doctor gently. “I have to apply antiseptically balm to it three times a day and I shouldn’t take long bathes for a while…”

 

“Can I… do it,” a shy whisper. “The balm I mean.”

 

“Now?”

 

Maura bit her lip again, a shy nod.

 

Jane laid on her right side and the doctor hovering over her, gently placing kisses around her very own name, carefully not to touch the freshly inked tattoo.

 

“You have no idea how much it means to me, Jane,” she whispered against the warm skin.

 

 And it did, even if she had no words to describe all of her feelings. She had never thought something like a tattoo could make her so proud. Not to forget the possessive part of her, Jane had marked herself as Maura’s and Maura’s only. Though she didn’t like that part of herself much, she just couldn’t help it. The merely thought alone of someone else touching Jane made her sick.

 

She swung one of her legs over the detective, coming to sit on the side of her left thigh. Deliberately gathering some balm on her right index, leaning forward, propping herself up on her left arm she slowly began to nurse the contours of the letters, one by one. Pausing after each, leaning further down, to gently place a kiss on the left and right side of it. Grounding her hips, shivering.

 

However tender and sensual it was, there was something raw and wild and animalistic growing inside of her. Something she had felt now and then before, more specifically she felt it each time she was ovulating. A growling beast inside her that wanted to mark its territory, to spread her scent, to posses. The first time she was horrified by herself, it was typically masculine and so atypically for her, but she had realized rather fast that it was vain to fight against it and she definitely knew that it turned her on when Jane showed this side of herself.

 

Jane had openly confessed that she had been jealous more than once when someone had shown interests in Maura, before they had become a couple. Though Jane now was different, not insanely jealous, she knew there was nothing to be afraid of. If it came to it, somehow, she just touched Maura. A simple touch to her face or hand or arm, but it felt like branding and it stirred a fire in the blonde that was beyond control.

 

The small M.E however was more passionate about that particular issue. She never was able to hold onto anyone in her life. Even her birthparents had left her, although maybe it was more likely for the best respectively of her father being a mob boss, and so it was only naturally that one day Jane would leave her too. She knew it was idiocy, but somewhere deep down it gnawed on her and so she was more prepared to hunt down every even so small threat. She was far too smart to act like a fury, she had her own tactics and weapons and she used them well.  Though it was a little schizophrenically, there was never ever the slightest bit of jealousy when they playfully teased each other, involving strangers. There even wasn’t the smallest sting as Jane came down with the DNA of that bartender on her neck. There was nothing ordinary in their relationship… absolutely nothing.

 

As Maura had nursed the last letter she swiftly found herself on her back. Her giggling morphed into a throaty moan as Jane kissed her just beneath the navel. The detective crawled up her body, leaving kisses on any inch her way up.

 

“You my dear have no idea how much you mean to me,” Jane whispered low. Her index slowly slid down over chin, neck and chest, stopping just beneath the golden clip and with a fast but simple move it snapped open. With another well trained action their roles were reversed.

 

Maura moved her left leg over Jane’s right one, while kissing softly, she grabbed the detectives left and pulled it over her right thigh, knee bend she pressed herself as close as possible. They both shivered violently as their most intimate parts touched, and both of them also moaned in unison.

 

It was far from the best moment but she remembered the encounter that had happened some days prior. How could she have ever thought she had loved this man? She never had felt something nowhere near what she was feeling with Jane, for Jane. Quickly she shoved the thought aside, there was no way she would think about Ian or any other human being for that matter instead of fully let herself falling.  

 

They continued to kiss. Delicate touches, fingertips brushed counterparts, faces, necks, backs, legs, hips… The rest of them didn’t move, just as time stood still and the world had come to a halt… for them. Physical relive was only a minor point, had become one… the journey had become its own reward. They had spent and wasted years with faint shadows of what they had now… it had to be that fate had played a game.

 

Though it was that they had found each other, their soul-mate, in the ugly fluorescent light of a police station, it could have played out differently… they could have met under the tree Maura used to read back in BCU, ten years ago… if Jane only had… they could have moved faster from friendship to lovers, faster than six torturing month… if only both of them had… but what really mattered was that they were here… now… loved, desired, held by each other…

 

**Maura’s POV**

 

I look up from Jane’s chest. Every year attending parties my parents hosted on New Year’s Eve I never saw my self spending the turn of the year in bed and surely not making love with Jane in the totally silence of a beautiful house, at the foot of a lake in a magically landscape surrounded by nothing but woods for miles and miles and snow as far as the eye can see.

 

The pad of my right index softly caressing the artfully curved letters on her skin, beside the most incredible gift anyone even made me our Christmas was the best I ever could wish for. Our house filled to the brim with laughter, warmth and love.

 

The actually festivities were nothing new as I had shared them with the Rizzoli’s already a year prior. Frankie, Tommy, Vince, Barry and my father leaving at 2 p.m. to log our tree by themselves and all females stayed at home, cooking like we were about to welcome a whole company to feed.

 

Being all born in Boston they had rather a lot of typically Italian traditions. Celebrating Christmas like most Europeans on Christmas Eve, also a typically tradition to not eat any meat on this day. The feast called ‘Seven Fishes’ rather should be called ‘Twenty Seven Fishes’ or something like that. Angela rises to her very best anytime she enters a kitchen and she even infected my mother with her enthusiasm. I realized that I am not the only Isles being captured in the Rizzoli spell rather quickly. I never thought I would see my parents ever this way. Relaxed, openly, actually easily adjusting like it had never been different.

 

My whole life I was very aware of the fact that they shared a rather rare kind of relationship, but I never happened to witness, or maybe I never paid attention to it how much affection they spend with each other. They touched each other in any kind of way as much as possible. A finger brushing over a hand or shoulders bumping, while passing by. They somehow reminded me of us ourselves. It brought me another form of comfort and happiness to see my normally composed parents as a lovingly and happy couple, totally normal humans. Especially after so much years of marriage…

 

They obviously felt comfortable at our home and with our extended family and it means the world to me.

 

To my utterly surprise I had to learn that Jane disliked the fact of burning money for some chemically reaction in pretty colors.

 

“I don’t get the logic of burning billions of dollars when there are the same numbers of people in the world who hunger to death,” she had said. I couldn’t agree more with this and I was even more surprised that she spends a whole grant to International Medical Corps each year before New Years Eve.

 

It had been beautiful eleven days from the 27th of December since the very moment now. We had spent hours of walking in the snow, snuggling in front of the fireplace, reading, laughing, making love. The 6th January had started so different from the one a year prior. There was no psychopath on the loose and there would be no abducted Jane and trashed apartments, no fear and tears. No. There would be the surprise of a breakfast in bed or much likely the makeshift bed on the floor in the wide living room.

 

There would be giggling and kissing and a softly lingering arousal while we fed each other. Another surprise at how familiar Jane was with riding a horse, wanting to spend our day in intimate togetherness we didn’t reserve a table at a restaurant and rather spend a romantic dinner, homemade, in the dining room, overlooking the frozen lake and a spontaneous do-over in the fully meaning of the word of our first night spend together, starting with a shy touch of lips in the kitchen after cleaning up, matching the first kiss we ever shared.

 

On Monday Boston will have us back and another meaningful year will start for us, highly excited for July to come we plan on cherish also any day in between and surely after.

 

I will never in my life forget Christmas 2006… never ever and that extends to spending the start of the New Year and our anniversary out here.

 

 **Have a nice day <3    **          

 

 


	43. domesticity, funerals and eternity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)   
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

**_I will never in my life forget Christmas 2006… never ever and that extends to spending the start of the New Year and our anniversary out here._ **

Jane’s POV

We spend our first anniversary in some kind of recap minus the horrible things that lead us into Maura’s kitchen that night. It is astounding how we both can remember, without any effort, every touch and whisper and it felt in a kind of way even like our first time together. Though the surrounding was slightly different than a year prior… I feel a little like that guy in the film.

 

“Do you by accident know the movie Groundhog Day? I feel a bit like Phil right now.”

 

Maura looks up to me a little confused. No, no way Dr. Maura Isles has watched a stupid movie like that if it wasn’t me making her doing it.

 

“Well there is this guy, Phil. He’s a reporter and has to work on this story every year on the 2. February in a small town, which’s celebrating Groundhog Day, and he hates it. He actually is a pretty asshole and his punishment from some higher powers is to wake up every morning at 6 a.m. in the same hotel room at this 2nd February, his radio blaring ‘I got you babe’ from Sonny and Cher and the whole day keeps repeating itself, day after day until Phil turns his life completely around.”

 

She smiles, wrinkling her nose. “Well I would be very fine with a recap of the 6th January each day, but I would prefer to choose the one this year and not the last one. I can totally go without the things that happened the hours before you decided to finally kiss me.”

 

My fingertip gently stubbed her nose. “I can’t promise you that for each day but we can totally do that each year, right here, for as long as you want it.”

 

She rubs her nose against my chin. “Well you got yourself a deal for as long as be both shall live,” she whispers.

 

I had wanted to skip the part with the handcuffs but Maura had begged me not to. We had never tried that again after the first attempt and this time I didn’t take them off after some minutes. I had thought it would have been all about power and maybe it was, but it wasn’t with Maura.

 

To see her squirm and writhing under my touch, her body arching and bowing, reaching for contact, for more… the only things powerful was the urge for me to do whatever it needed to make her happy, for a lifetime, and the need to cry.

 

I never knew the feeling of being happy so much, thinking I might combust, before I met Maura. I was not a depressive kind of human, just plain simple happy. I thought it was because people were some sort of stupid, crying because of happiness. Well, according to my own words I am the king of stupidity, now.

 

Sometimes, at morning, when I wake up before her, watching her sleeping, a single tear will escape. However often it happens it never changes. Sometimes I feel so much I might die from the pain it causes.  

 

Her warm body is covering my left half, her right half glued to my side. Her right hand somewhere underneath her own body, her fingers gently lying against my biceps, slightly moving, caressing the skin there. Her soft breathes spreading over my chest, in a steady rhythm, although her heartbeat betrays this seemingly calmness. Her left hand flat on my belly, trembling lightly.

 

It’s really rather cute.

 

A woman like Maura, a sex bomb true to the word, confident and experienced, talking about sex like about the weather, wherever it is brought up. A woman you would think of calling the shots in bed, being rather imperious and dominating whom is anything but that. Sure she knows what she wants and she is an incredible lover but she reminds me somehow more of an inexperienced teenager.

 

I am far from making fun of her… It’s really rather cute. How her hands still trembles when she touches me, how she shivers from any touch or kiss or breathe I leave on her skin. How she turns into this weak puppy as soon as I am being near. The very same goes for me, but who wouldn’t turn into jelly being at the receiving ends of Maura’s attention?

 

I never told her about any fantasies I had, because I would tell her the truth only and that would include to admit that sometimes I dreamed of her portraying what I heard being whispered in the corridors of the precinct. I know she tells me often that humans are not really able to control their dreams and deep down I also know that she would never be mad at me for it, but still… that’s not something I am proud of.

 

That wasn’t what stopped me to admit or act on my feelings for her… not entirely. I am not dump! I did notice that there was more than friendship from her side. I may not be the brightest candle on the cake when I have to tell if people are flirting with me or not but she did and she did nothing to hide it. And maybe that slowed me down a little, too. What if we didn’t match? Being friends is one thing but what would be if we were totally different in terms of the bedroom? Ruining a friendship only to discover that once we had sex we would realise that we weren’t compatible?

 

After the whole shit of Hoyt for the first time, after weeks in hospital and recovering. Maura being her dedicated self I was ready to tell her, to show her… that I loved her more than a friend, until a dream crashed my self-confidence.

 

In the age of sixteen I ended up on a sleepover/party and I still don’t know why, being honest. I didn’t even knew any of the girls that much… and I don’t remember much of that night either… but one thing I would never be able to forget.

 

Well you could say Jane Rizzoli is a sissy or pussy, whatever you prefer, but one reason for me to always wanting to be a police officer, a detective, a protector in uniform, was to make this world a better place, even for a small amount. Respect, safety, fairness, justice…

 

Respect!

 

How can you respect someone who can’t respect themselves?

 

For me love and intimacy has a lot to do with respect and this didn’t. Janice was the girl’s name we stayed that night, a team-mate from field hockey, that’s probably the reason I ended up there in the first place. Her parents were out of town for the weekend and her grandma was watching her, but was out like a light at 9 p.m. while reading in her own room. So they thought it was funny to snoop through the bedroom of her parents and came up with some video tapes. Back then I already snorted in my head about the rather dumb names give those tapes. At least they were originals and not some homemade stuff. So I ended up watching hetero porn with 5 other girls.

 

That was the first time in life I was so disgusted about something I saw, that I had to toss my cookies. That would change later but still… over a decade passing, I found myself repeating this tape in my dream with me wearing a silicon dick and Maura… I nearly hadn’t enough time to get up to not throw up onto my pillow.

 

What if Maura liked to be handled like that? I did love her and that was not only some mild crush but could I love her still? Could I get over it, still love her and still look into a mirror in the morning?

 

Good thing, Maura is far from anything that I had to witness watching this ‘movie’ if you even can call trash like that a movie. But it was what had me hesitate a bit more for quite some time… I just can’t help it to respect her too much as to handle her like a cheap whore and I couldn’t help my self to be horrified by the thought of Maura being a freak in the bedroom.

 

She is not, at least not with me. She is her very self, always understanding, always gentle, always warm.

 

Unlucky at cards, lucky in love… that’s how it is. The more we fall for each other, the happier we get the more the world has to go crazy around us. I wish I could grab her and escape…to a deserted island or wherever. But that wouldn’t work and we both know that, we would be happy for some time but then there would be reproaches, from both of us. We are both not made to be the ‘housewife’.

 

I know she is sometimes afraid something is going to happen to me in the line of duty and when we are being honest the chances are higher to get injured as not. Some may call me reckless but I am not. I don’t want to get hurt or killed but doing my work half-hearted I could easily just drop my badge onto Cavenaugh’s desk and be done with it. Being a police officer, a detective means to serve, with my heart, with my body, with my health, with my life and I know she understands that. She’s like me, devoted to what she does. She may be a pathologist for profession but she is a doctor and she would do anything to safe someone’s life. Even if it scares the hell out of her.

 

She doesn’t know about her picture adorning the backsides of my badge. I put it there the very first second I got it back after my recovery. She saved my life without knowing it. I can’t say for sure ‘cause I will never know, but if she wasn’t there by my side I may have eaten my gun. Some may call me pathetic but it wasn’t only Hoyt… he was just the final straw.

 

I had worked my ass off to become what I am now. After high school I went to junior college, cause you need to be twenty-one to attend police academy. I was only a beat cop for nearly six month, the Drug Unit short on females I was asked to take the Detective’s exam. Passing with flying colors I found myself in DCU. Making the biggest mistake in my whole live, having occasionally sex with my partner, a mistake I had done once and would never do again. After we fucked up an undercover I got a new partner, four month before homicide.

 

Korsak and I had worked a case, overlapping departments and we totally hit it off. He called in any favour he ever had to be partnered with me and thanks to my reputation Lieutenant Wells requested me for homicide. So I gathered another achievement. First female on the drug unit, youngest Detective, first female Detective, first female on homicide… at the age of twenty-three.

 

What I hadn’t thought of was what it could mean to be… I may be strong but there is no way, not even for the though guys on every unit that all of it passes you unnoticed. The raped and murdered women, children and men. Massacre, psychopaths, the victims, the relatives. Anyone’s nightmare you live day in, day out. You eat with them, you watch TV with them, you go to bed with them and you even have sex with them. You are married to your job and to every disgusting detail that comes with it.

 

You can leave them on your porch and sometimes they stay there only to greet you when you leave in the morning, but sometimes they creep in at night, through the keyhole, through the gap at the bottom of your door, trough the tilted window.

 

I used to handle them wrong. I used to try to forget them. Maura changed that. Maura taught me to fight them face to face. If some case is bugging one of us we’ll met in the bathtub, we established this kind of process and after that we crawl into the safe bubble being our bed. Sometimes there are still nightmares, of course, but when I feel the soft skin and warm body of her beside me I know I am safe.

 

I admire Gia for her strength. If something like that had happened to me, if some psycho had tortured and killed Maura because of me I would have shoved the barrel of my gun down my throat and would have pulled the trigger. I know she had thought about it, hell I was the one who had told her to fight, to try, to go on. Matt was like the sunshine. I think this guy never in his life had a bad mood and in the very last seconds of his life he made her promise to go on. I didn’t want her to break that promise but could I hold such a promise to Maura? Could I get up every day and go on? I think… no… I know I couldn’t.

 

My life without Maura isn’t worth the breath. She is like the light, sunshine… without her life would be pitch black and freezing cold. That’s a part of why I hesitated this long. I could see it in her eyes that she wanted me… like I wanted her, more than just friends. But going back to friendship is not that easy if it fails. It would kill me to see her being happy with someone other than me, but I would stand it if it’s the only way to have her in my life.

 

I turn us around and immediately her legs wrap around mine, her heels on my calves. I kiss her softly. “I think there is some sparkling between Frost and Gia,” I whisper against her lips.

 

Her eyebrows scoot up. “You think?”

 

I nod. “Didn’t you notice? Hell there wasn’t nearly enough room for all of us and that big, fat elephant.”

 

“I wish you could have been more attentive to the sparkle between us,” she whispers.

 

I simply grin. “Oh I was. Why do you think I refused to be alone in a room with you? You just were waiting for your chance to lure me into your bed.”

 

“So you thought of me as a wicked witch?”

 

“You are, Maura, but you are my wicked witch.” I look at her for some seconds. “I am ready,” I whisper.

 

“As I walked down into the morgue, finding you bend over the dead guy I thought I had died from a stroke or something. I never was attracted to a woman before and I had spent so many thought about you after the incident in the café. Gee I was so pissed that day, first I had to help out DCU ‘cause they are always short on women, had to dress like that. Feeling already uncomfortable I come into the café only to find damn Stanley there, cause Pauly was ill and he had a blast to piss me off. I wish I had looked up at you before I said something… after you pulled your hand away and I saw your sad look, I wanted to beg you on my knees for that damn bill. But you left, before you could get for what you came and before I could get my head out of my ass.

 

I couldn’t get a grip on what had happened until our eyes met again down in the morgue and I was truly shocked, cause all I could think of were those damn piercing eyes on me for the rest of my life. I don’t know what came over me to ask you out, cause it felt that way as I stood in the elevator on my way back to the bullpen and after we met for lunch that day all I could think of was how badly I wanted to kiss you.

 

Then we became friends and although I even wanted to kiss you more than ever I was afraid to lose you over some fun and then there was this terrible dream. I felt incredible dirty for thinking about you this way but I understood rather fast the meaning behind it. I was afraid to discover that we wouldn’t match, that you may be a bit too much for me, that you could wanted me things to do I wasn’t comfortable with and it freaked the hell out of me.”

 

She cups my face in both of her hands. “What made you still go for it that night?”

 

“You. You and your dislike of ‘what if’s’. I realized that night that life was sometimes too short for ‘what if’s’. If you were too kinky in bed for my liking I always could try to convince you that softness is nothing bad.”

 

“Am I…?”

 

I close the distance and kiss her with as much love as I can muster, breathing a simple ‘no’ into her mouth.

 

“I love you Jane, more than I could ever tell.”

 

“I don’t dream that much at night and mostly I can’t remember anything in the morning but I used to think about you before drifting off to sleep. How you would feel, lying next to me. If your kisses would make my head spin like they used to do when thinking about it. How your soft hands would feel against my skin. I didn’t allow myself to walk the distance and imagine making love to you. It somehow felt like abusing you, ‘cause wherever I looked all I could hear was how gladly someone wanted into your pants.”

 

This time Maura kisses me gently. “I would welcome you gladly into my pants at any time,” she whispers.

 

“You don’t wear any,” I giggle, lifting the blanket slightly, peeking inside while I move my hip against her, once.

 

She bites her lower lips and moans lightly. “So is it okay for you? Barry and Gia… I mean if they would…?”

 

“I really, really liked Matt. He was perfect for Gia but he is gone seven years already and if he could make her happy again… yes, it would be more than okay. Frost is a real nice man, although he is a man, but he has manners and is loyal and caring. And I would like it for Gia to be happy again.”

 

“I don’t want to judge… but I couldn’t… if something would happen to you,” I cut her off.

 

“All humans are different. It doesn’t mean you didn’t love for real. I would say the same, but who knows, maybe you meet someone someday and maybe you fall in love again, everything can happen. I think I couldn’t be selfish enough to want you to be lonely.”

 

“I wouldn’t be afraid of committing suicide,” her gaze locked with mine.

 

Sometimes it is really creepy how she seems to know what I thought about some minutes ago… “Gee Maura, how did we come from your invisible pants to funerals?”

 

“There are things we need to talk about Jane.”

 

“No we don’t…”

 

“Oh yes we do! I know it is unpleasant but we have to and maybe I get you to talk about it in the weak of a post-coital bliss.”

 

“Well thank you, what ever bliss there was the word post-coital totally killed it.”

 

She wraps her legs firmer around me. “Well in case you did forget, you owe to and share your post-coital bliss with a scientist and the word post-coital comes from the New Latin postcoitalis and I don’t know about slang but there isn’t any synonym I would know except for post-orgasmic but I don’t see why that would be any better than post-coital.”

 

She grins at me and even if I want I can’t be very annoyed with her, trying to mock me, using that word as often as possible in a single sentence. And she was right though, post-orgasmic is ten times worse than post-coital.  

 

“I want to be buried at sea,” she suddenly whispers.

 

“No. I hate boats… and I'd have to go to city hall and get all kinds of permits and no, just pick something more landlocked.”

 

“Jane, I want to return to the primordial soup that spawned us all. But nothing fancy, a small group of friends and family, a cello.”  


“We're on a boat Maura and a cello is officially fancy.”  


“Well, there would only be one and it should play Bach's suite in "G" major. Then everyone can toast me with a nice bottle of champagne before you throw me overboard.” There is a pause and she looks at me. “So, what do you want?”

 

“I want to die one day before you so I don't have to go out on a boat.” She looks at me with all the love there is, a small roguish smile, but she also is seriously.

 

“Do we have to talk about this? You know… I know it is dangerous, my job I mean but talking or thinking about funerals and last wishes makes it real. Too real…”

 

Her gaze never falters.

 

“Okay… it never mattered to me. To be buried or burned and strayed into the wind…,” I stay silent for some long moments. “Maybe… if you want… to share eternity with me, they can mix us up somehow and throw us over board of that boat together.”

 

Oh God… I am dripping from sappieness… is that even a word? Maura would know… Maura… there is this nervous chuckle falling from her mouth, the one she does when she is only seconds away from crying…

 

“Shhh. See what you have done… you made me making you cry,” I whisper against her lips and her wet face is smiling brighter than the sun. “I love you Jane.”

 

Our faces are only inches away… _Oh God Rizzoli you are definitively one big, fat ol’dyke_ … I feel like I am seconds away from vomiting fucking rainbows. Whenever she whispers these words my heart feels like it’s going to explode.

 

I’ve tested that theory though… the lesbian… I came to the conclusion I am not, somehow. I mean I am… I am in love with a woman, not any woman but Maura. I really don’t know why I started it in the first place but at some point I paid more attention. I watched other woman and my reaction to them. Sure I can admit when a woman is beautiful but there is nothing more, no attraction, no arousal, nothing. But then there is also no reaction to any men anymore, same here…I can say when they are attractive or well built but it stirs nothing in me.  

 

So there is no label I could possibly put onto myself except for being absolutely crazy in love with Maura. My entire world spins around her, attracted by her like bees round a honeypot, drawn to her like a magnet.

 

My whole life through I was rather anxious and disgusted at the thought of domesticity related to the guys I shared my bed with. I remember particular one morning. I don’t even know that guys name anymore, although I dated him for some weeks. Jane Rizzoli doesn’t do one night stands…

 

Well it was one, later…the morning after I crawled out of my bed, thankful for the fact my date had obviously already left, being not a morning person…the morning after can be quiet awkward.

I stumbled out of my bedroom to get coffee running before making my way over to the bath I walk into my kitchen to find my date wrapped into the stupid coral robe my mother had sneaked into my dresser, preparing me breakfast like a good little housewife. Before I could say anything my glance fell onto the bin, stuffed with all the things my cupboards and fridge held. Ketchup, Olives, cereals… I looked up, shook my head and pointed my finger at him. “You need to leave before I come back in here,” turned around and never saw him again.

 

This is what makes me know that Maura is the one. It may sound stupid, really, really stupid but never she made me feel uncomfortable. I enjoy being domestic with her, to cook, to wash up, to clean. Having her by my side at the sink, watching her getting rid of her make-up, brushing her teeth, makes me feel home. And I love it. Today is a perfect example for it.

 

Anyone would book a table at a restaurant or even a room in a hotel for their anniversary. Anyone but we! We cooked our dinner together, sharing a glass of wine in the meanwhile, laughing, touching.

 

We had to save the kitchen from a mess as the pasta nearly boiled over, because we missed the warning hisses of water droplets jumping from the pot onto the hot stove-plate while kissing.

 

Tomatoes and cucumbers for the salad looked a little like a three year old had cut them, because I was pressed up to Maura’s back as we held the knife together, making her jump every time the blade came down, kissing and nipping her neck.

 

Sending the china almost flying as I reached up to get them from the cupboard and Maura bumped her pelvis into my bottom, sneaking her skilled hands onto my abs, as my shirt rode up.

 

Sliding seamlessly from relied into lovey-dovey while dinner, to gentle and tender as I asked her to dance with me afterwards and back to domestic duties as we cleaned up and last but not least to seductive and aroused as I lifted her up onto the counter to replay the very best night of my entire life. Easily! Everything with Maura is plain easy.

 

Hell I would gladly scrub the kitchen floor with my very own toothbrush every day if I would get that beautiful smile of hers and a kiss in reward. I am the first one to lift my hand to being domestic…domesticity with Maura. I may sometimes still be a little grumpy but I even morphed into an early riser, enjoying my ten minutes in bed with her too much to miss the opportunity, before she starts her day with yoga and getting ready.

 

I love it to work silently through our routine, preparing breakfast… sneaking some kisses and a little bit of snuggling into it, here and there. Watching her, doing her daily crossword, the well-educated Dr. Isles neglecting table manners, sipping her coffee without looking up, her hand fully grabbing the mug instead of holding it properly, the crumps of her toast fluttering onto the paper.

 

It makes me smile and it warmth my heard. I simply love it.

 

Gently wiping the traces of her emotional tears away with my thumb, she turns her head and presses a soft kiss to the pad of it. Losing her legs she slowly turns us, her hair raining down, enveloping our faces in a silky curtain. Engaging into tender kissing she shifts a little, her tights softly embracing my right one. Her left arm coming to rest beside my face, holding herself up with it, fingers playing with my hair while her right hand glides into my left, intertwining our fingers.  

 

Starting gently to move above me I feel her soft skin glide against mine, her erected nipples lightly scraping. Silently noises vibrating through her larynx, our lips glued together like our glances, her nostrils blaring, her heart rate picking up another thumb each second. My left hand squeezes hers harder, my right one slowly wandering around, cupping her incredible taut bottom cheek.

 

Her tongue blowing down on mine makes me smile, letting me know how intense my touch feels to her, just like the high pitched moan into my mouth. Her pupils are blown up to its maximum… I may have enjoyed sex once a while but sleeping with Maura is like dying and waking up in heaven or paradise. I wrestle my lips away from her moaning low into her ear.

 

“I love you and I gladly would spend eternity with you,” she whisper low and having me shiver violently.

                                                                                                                          

 

**Thanks for reading!**  

**Have a nice day 3**

**rizzlesshipper4ever**

 

 


	44. Can I get a witness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)   
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

_**“I love you and I gladly would spend eternity with you,” she whisper low and having me shiver violently.** _

Jane’s POV

 

January is more likely a slow month for homicide, as much as most parts of December and February is, maybe even the scumbags don’t like the cold. We had come back on Sunday, arriving just in right time for family-dinner. Monday and Tuesday Korsak and I went over all our files again before we would start to prepare Dante for the upcoming trial.

 

Frost is standing there, a look of disbelief on his face, mouth slightly open. Watching forth and back between Maura and I.

 

“What?” I ask him.

 

He lifts his hand, his index pointing out.

 

“What… you wanna call home Frost?” I laugh at him. He looks exactly like E.T. this moment.

 

“You… you do realise that she is blatantly and shamelessly flirting with the Doc?”

 

I grin, turning around. “Oh I did and I hope Maura’s putting a hell of a show in it, giving her best to flirt back. It will be so much more fun when Delgado realises that she had never been further away from getting laid.”

 

I turn my head, looking over to him, still standing like he has taken roots. “There is one thing Maura dislikes above anything and that is when someone doesn’t stop after realising that we are a couple. The higher you climb, the farther you fall and that fall will be deep and painful.”

 

Suddenly he is grinning like a fool. “Good for you that you feathered that nest already. I start to like ‘wicked Maura’.”

 

I gave him my best death-glare but he still simply smiled, holding up his hands in defend. “Just stating the facts, just stating the facts!”

 

Valerie Delgado. ADA. Bitch.

 

That pretty rounds up to a very precisely description, but if she is going to help us putting ‘little T’ behind bars she can be as bitchy as she wants to be. I don’t need to share my bed with her, so let her be. I find it rather amusing how she is flirting with Maura, probably thinking she’s falling for her accent or her charm. Sure… ‘cause Maura did fall for an Italian slob so she will definitively not be immune to a hot-blooded, stylish Mexican.

 

Well… Maura loves Mexican, but that’s only limited to food. Oh I am going to have a field day when she will figure that Maura is jerking her around. Maura will be polite but when she is finished with her, Delgado will never again hit on someone who’s in a relationship.

 

It is rather rare that you can piss her off but our lovely ADA had asked for it so very nicely. My ass was planted against the edge of the table in the breaking room, Maura standing beside my stretched legs, leaning in for a soft kiss as Delgado walked in on us. No way she’d missed it, yet still she hit on Maura pretty obviously, while they discussed the evidence, again. A mistake you only make once…

 

I don’t think she is really trying to seduce Maura, but there are humans who are not ashamed to use and do anything to get what they want. And Miss Delgado is one off them, when there is a small chance that it will push her career she won’t even back off to sell her sorry ass for it. I am sure she hopped through more beds that I like to know about. I don’t like people like her but I don’t have to.

 

As we have nothing to do besides preparing for the upcoming trial on Friday and Dante will not arrive until late morning I also can come in a little later as usual, so we decided to shift our date-night from Saturday to today, who knows about my mood after Friday. This case is incredible important and it would be a wonder if it’s going to be a waltz.  

 

I may not be the greatest fan of boring art exhibitions but I am not rough-and-ready. I got us a late-reservation for a poetry reading-dinner.

 

Standing behind Maura while she fixes her earrings I softly kiss her neck.

 

“Well I didn’t hear much good things about the English cuisine, but I thought you may have had enough Mexican for today.”

 

She smiles and turns her head, giving me better access to her neck. “While the English cuisine is often criticized to be hard to digest and to be tasteless they also serve rather unique creations and if we don’t find anything worth trying or if we are still hungry I think we can find something different to eat than Mexican.”

 

Scooting my nose along her neck I whisper. “Yeah like something Irish,” into her ear before I press a kiss to her temple and stand. Two can play this game!

 

We had an amazing evening and the food was actually not that bad. For starters we had cevichè of salmon trout with horseradish chips, Maura settled for roast saddle of lamb with mint sauce as main course and I chose Fisherman’s Pie, for dessert we had lukewarm Apple-Walnut-Pie with whipped cream. Though the apple pie was the best of all… I would gladly have had another one of it.

 

The local, nonfamous poets were surprisingly talented and we actually had a few good laughs, one of them being pretty good to play on words and a master at being sarcastic. Coming home we snuggled up in front of the fireplace for a glass of red wine, enjoying some time of the last few days in the short life of our Christmas tree.

 

The whole next day we spent preparing Dante for the upcoming trial. Valerie may be a bitch and she is pretty hard on the boy but she is damn good at was she does. It keeps me up most of the night, I am restless. I know we are good to go and with Dante and the murder weapon Terrance Jones, better known as ‘Little T’ has practically no chance to walk tomorrow, but I can’t help it.

 

I only doze off for some minutes, staring wide awake at the ceiling of our bedroom. I know that I am holding Maura from getting any sleep either. At three in the morning I make my way down into the kitchen, brewing a big pot of coffee. Ten minutes later she comes down too. Wordlessly grabbing some coffee, sitting down beside me on the couch. Her left leg pressed against the cushion at the back, knee bend she pulls my head down on her left thigh, her fingernails gently tickling my scalp. We still sit there, unmoved, as the alarm on Maura’s phones went of at 8 a.m.

 

I don’t know which feeling is weighing more, the incredible heavy sadness or rage, blinding rage.

 

In moments like this I want to take of my badge and lay down my gun, walk up into the next church and beg for a chance to trade my soul for another. It is hard to watch people die every day and it is even harder to see children die but having their blood on your hands is something I can’t live with. I will never!

 

It doesn’t matter who’s fault it is, who has not provided the best protection, who has missed something or done something wrong. It doesn’t matter because his blood is sticking to my hands. It doesn’t matter ‘cause however often I go and wash them it will never go away.

 

I was responsible for his safety and while I spent hours in Maura’s arms he took his last breath, knowing he was going to die. Guilty is not even close to what I feel.

 

I know I can not make it unhappen but maybe I should have stayed with him. I let this happen and it will be another painful scar on my heart. Dancing with the devil always means you can get stepped on your foot and sometimes you get hurt badly. Worse than any blow and kick, worse than any knife stabbing you, worse than any bullet hitting you.

 

Yesterday we were in the bullpen and laughed after Jermaine guarded Dante to the hideout. We laughed about ties and how Frost always is making fun of Korsak and his lack of fashion. He danced and we laughed and were sure it would all come out well on the other side.

 

Back home we laughed about Ma and her billing and cooing over BO and her weakness for his blue eyes, this morning we laughed about Stanley’s OCD about the mixed-up donuts. Everything was fine until I remembered Dante’s sneakers.

 

However I feel about Dante I am not going to let ‘the bitch’ talk to me like that and there is no way ‘Little T’ will get away with it.

 

Sometimes it is not easy to stay clean, when you watch three-years-olds cower for cover at the bang of a busted exhaust, first-grader knowing how to build a bong from a plastic bottle, ten-year-olds comparing who’s daddy has the bigger gun, if they even know what a daddy is… mothers channelling their kids through dirty alley’s into even dirtier ghettos, where they life without constant water or a radiator.

 

All dirty is not created equal dirty. I would never think that Korsak is dirty but sometimes it’s hard not to something wrong in the right place and I don’t judge Frost for it, he doesn’t know Vince like I do but my first load is for Frankie. I love my brother but he is a little gossip and has no idea what it is to do this every day. He is a beat cop and he may love his job and he may be good at it, but he has to learn a lot and he better does it quick.    

 

You can probably say a bunch of things about Vince. An old school Vietnam veteran, married and divorced three times, no sense of style, the old cat-lady next door, a bit unworldly and some may him call uneducated, overweight, a slob.

 

The Vincent Korsak I know is a man with his heart in the right place, a cop with every fibre of his being. He will never judge you, never letting you down, never hurting you, never laughing about you. He is a gentle and sensitive teacher, understanding. He will never ignore your opinion just because you are still wet behind your ears. He has a good sense when to push and when to pull, when to let you do your job and when to order, when to nudge you in the right direction. He is the one reaching out his hand when you go down face first. He is never ashamed to slap your back and not afraid to kick your ass. He is a good partner and a hell of a friend. I consider him family and one of the few I would give the shirt off my back.

 

I know Vince didn’t make up his C.I. and I will be damned if I let him go down for this and I also know what makes him tick. Frost and I dig to every damn piece of paper that ever existed about ‘little T’ and we did find it, we found Korsak’s C.I.

 

“You think the Doc is going to like it?” Frost whispers.

 

I look over to him. “You do know Maura, don’t you?”

 

He dips his head to the side. “Yeah, probably a stupid question,” he pats my leg. “I am going to wait until you got in.”

 

She is still up, sitting on the couch reading when I come in. She doesn’t ask. Without a single word she gets up, going to set up the guestroom upstairs. Maura knows whatever reason I may have that it is a good reason.

 

I sit down on the brink of the mattress, taking off my gun and badge and phone. Coming back up from putting it into the bedside drawer I feel her arms sliding through mine from behind. Lifting my shirt slowly, her lips gently kiss my neck, down to my shoulder as the skin comes to see.  

 

Dropping the fabric, her hands come back, starting to massage my shoulders, sporadically placing kisses in between. She nudges me to lie on my stomach, straddling my butt. Sometimes it is not that bad to have a genius doctor at home. When she has worked out every knot she comes to rest on my back, her face between my shoulder blades, fondling my nape we both fall asleep like that.

 

After breakfast I call Korsak and ask him over. Maura has just fixed a very strong double-espresso for him as there is a knock at the door.

 

“My head feels like an anvil dropped on it. This better be good.”  


“It is,“ I move out of his way.  


He looks at Relita and the baby sitting on our sofa. “What the hell?“

 

“Your confidential informant doesn't really look like a "he", Korsak.”

  
“Hi, Sergeant.“

  
“You don't have to do this, Relita.“

  
“Relita understands that Dante sacrificed his life so his daughter wouldn't have to grow up around the same violence that he did.“

  
“Detective Rizzoli told me what you were willing to do. I have to do this. For you, for Dante, but mostly for Destiny.“

  
“Thank you.“

  
“Thank Detective Rizzoli. I wouldn't have come forward without her.”

  
“I forgot some files I need to pick up at work. There are two uniforms outside,” I put my spare gun on the table. “Don't take your eyes off her.”

  
“I'll see you at the hearing at 2?“

 

“Yeah.”  


“Did you tell Delgado?”

 

“No. I saved that for you.”

 

…

 

“The foremost expert in forensic entomology identified the larva on Dante's shoe.”

  
“What am I looking at?”

 

“The Asian longhorn beetle. It's an exotic pest,” Maura in geek-mode, totally exited about bugs. “Do you realize what a big break this is?“

 

“No, but I didn't spend my life playing with bug larva.”

  
“There has been a recent infestation of the Asian longhorn.”

  
“Please don't tell me that they're marching to our house.”

  
“They're only found in this one area; Loyalist park,” she shows me an area highlighted on her computer.

  
“Wait; are you saying that Dante could have been killed in this park?”

 

“Oh, no! I'm only able to conclusively say that Dante's shoes were in Loyalist park the night he was murdered.”

  
“Okay, you know what? You are officially ridiculous. His shoes didn't go there by themselves. Come on, Maura!“ I truly love her but sometimes…

 

…

 

“Even you have to admit this looks like blood,” I point to the splash on the grass.

  
“It is a reddish-brown substance consistent with blood.”

  
“Big concession. Thank you very much. Okay. What about this? This brain matter right here.“  


She picks up some of it, having a closer look. “It appears to be human tissue.”

  
“I think we just found the spot where Dante was killed.”  


“Jane. Found some fresh tire tracks,” Frost calls out.

  
“Okay. Can you make a cast of the tire impressions?”

 

“Copy that. I'll get CSRU on it,” he waves one of the guys over.

 

Back in the HQ we wait for the replica, getting it by herself Maura places it in front of me.

  
“Jane, it's a right rear tire.”

 

“Can you tell me the manufacturer?”

 

“Road ready.”

  
“Well, that's not gonna help. It's too common.”

  
“This impression; it's from a nail. And it's from a roofing nail.”

 

She suddenly goes very pale, looking like she’s going to throw up on the floor. “You have a funny look on your face.”

  
“I feel a little bit sick. I recognize this tire tread.”

 

…

 

There is a knock at the front door. I sit down on the sill at the window next to the door, having a good look into the driveway and also perfectly fine for not being seen immediately.

  
“Where's Ms. Washington? I don't have much time to prep her,“ Delgado stalks into our house like she owns the place.

  
“She's changing her baby's diaper.”

  
“Well, tell her to leave the baby and come with me,” I would really like for her to choke on her arrogance.

  
Looking out of the window again, watching CSRU processing her car. “You didn't change your spare tire,” I ask her rather bored.

  
“I've been a little busy,” she is irritated.

   
“But that is your car, isn't it, counselor?” I point out of the window, waiting for her to come over.

 

“What are they doing? Why are they in my car?“

 

“Your flat tire. We found the same tire tread in the place where Dante was murdered.  
It's like finding a fingerprint.“ I watch the color drain from her face. “Oh, hey. Korsak. That's a .38 revolver, isn't it? “

 

Coming also over, he has a look, too. “Yeah calibre 38. Stupid to leave it in your car. You learn that from Little T?”

 

“Okay, I, um I will testify against Mr. Jones. He's the one who set this whole thing up.  
That's who you want,“ now we are going to have fun. She is going to swim now, swim for her life and she will drown.  


“What did you say to Dante on the burn phone to get him to jump two stories?”

 

“I told him… I told him, um, the officer outside his door was… was dirty and I drove him to the woods,” she almost looks like she is sorry.

  
“And you shot him!”  


“Please. Please, I will give you Little T. You won't ever get him without me,” we arrived the begging. Being experienced in this field doesn’t make you any better than any other scumbag. They will bluff, they will deny, they will threaten, they will beg and they will go to jail.    


“I went through your case files. You've never lost a case. Nobody's that good, counsellor,” I let her know that we know everything.

 

“Unless they have Terrance Jones in their pocket. He gave you everything you needed to win those cases; witnesses, evidence, anybody you needed to disappear,” Vince continues.

 

Now we are playing ping pong with her, a perfect tactic to irritate and make them dizzy.

 

“All you had to do was bag any case against him.” I stand, grabbing my cuffs. “Put your hands behind your back. You are under arrest for the murder of Dante Moore.”

  
“We have a deal!”

 

“There's not gonna be any deal,” Korsak snorts. He enjoys seeing her squirming like a fish. I not begrudge him for it. Maura didn’t get to crush her, nevertheless I get my field day. It will not reduce the pain over loosing Dante but people like Delgado are almost more scum than Little T.

  
“You cannot bring him down unless I testify!”

 

“We don't need you. We've got my C.I.”  


“I want a lawyer.”  


“I hope you know someone who's better at it than you are,” I just can’t drop this opportunity.

 

…

 

Coming home from the Robber Maura picks a bottle of wine and two glasses while I get our coats into the wardrobe. Going after her I shove my arms through hers, kissing her neck.

 

She hums, pulling the cork out of the bottle. Picking it all up she turns and fists the fabric of my button down at the level of my chest, walking backwards pulling me with her. She kicks her shoes of at the foot of the stairs.

 

She nearly spills the wine as she plops down on the bed, pulling me with her. I brace myself on my forearms, our faces just a hair’s breadth apart. “Thank you,” I whisper.

 

She closes the distance, kissing me briefly nonetheless sensitive.

 

I kiss down her neck. “I really like your dress, Maura.”

 

She smirks at me. “You only love the sight from up there.”

 

“Oww, that hurts Maura,” I fake being wounded, putting a hand over my heart.

 

“You know I really like this dress,” she leans a little forward, whispering in my ear. “But I think it would look really good on that floor too.”

 

“Now who’s the one who only wants my body,” gently biting down on her lobe.

 

“I at least can admit it,” she giggles.

 

“You know, I think I am now going to let you work for it.” Kissing her again, Maura’s fingers massaging the back of my head, thumbs caressing both of my ears. “Nah… I think I changed my mind.”

 

She pulls my face closer. “I think working for it will be just fine with me.”

 

**I spared all of us the embarrassing Angela/Bill O’Reilly scenes. I really, really like her and I feel constantly bad for her character to be this ‘cringe-making’.**

 

 

 

 

 

  


	45. April fools and evil spirits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

 

**_She pulls my face closer. "I think working for it will be just fine with me."_ **

 

**Jane’s POV**

 

“Hey Jane,“ Frost holds up a cookie jar. “Since Maura and you decided not to want any presents for the wedding we thought about something. We collected ideas from anyone in the precinct, things you both should have done before you get married.”

 

I look at him, my eyebrows up to my hairline. “Of course Frost, save it, you are talking to the ‘prank-queen’. I am not falling for this.”

 

“Falling for what?” Maura asks, coming over to my desk.

 

“Frost thinks he can fool me. He,” I put the next word into quote marks. “Collected ideas of things we should do before we are getting married, because we refused presents for the wedding.” I look over to Frost. “Couldn’t you think of anything not that lame, kid?”

 

“I think that is a nice idea,” Maura smiled.

 

“Even… even if this isn’t some lame kind of prank you are forgetting that mostly “guys” put some ideas in there, what do you think would be written down?”

 

“We could have a look…,” Maura says.

 

“Oh no,” Frost shakes his head. “Only one note a day, if you are going to do this you’ll do it correctly and don’t even try to cheat… you know we all know that Maura can’t lie. Besides; we would have given it to you three days ago if you weren’t lost without a trace in some love-nest. There are exactly one hundred notes in it. Kinda like 100-things-you-should-have-done. ”

 

“You know that could be fun,” Maura whispers into my ear.

 

I groan, already knowing that if she wants to do this I will never stand a chance.

 

“May we have a look at today’s note and then decide if we are going to do this?” she asks Frost.

 

He looks over to Korsak and they both shrug. “Why not…”

 

Maura opens the jar and picks one of the folded notes.

 

‘Spend one hour doing nice things for completely strangers’

 

Maura shows me the note. “Well… you shouldn’t always think poorly of your fellow officers.” She smiles.

 

“You say that now, Maura! Remember my words, remember my words.”

 

This is going to be bad and I know it.

 

Since the Delgado-case our team only had two cases of rather stupid homicide. The one you look at the scene, cuff the murder and be done. Maura had a little more workload; since there are still other homicide teams and her lab also is busy processing evidence from other departments.

 

Our home had turned into a construction area, though the guesthouse was already finished at the end of January and the major work in the main house was also done. Now it was only left to work on interior fittings, like floors and painting the walls. Between slashing of dead bodies, yoga and preparations for the wedding Maura had sketched the new house like she had done this every day of her life.

 

Although the former house hadn’t change that much it would, once the new part was ready and our house was suddenly nearly three times bigger as before. At first I was a bit overtaken by all of it, but Maura is not one to act rashly and explaining her sketch to me it made sense, somehow. Maybe it seemed a little early to create room for family-extension as we still needed to get married but she was right though, if we didn’t buy the house next to our, we probably had to move someday. Once we were off to our honeymoon our bedroom would become a do-over, but that’s another story… there was still a wedding.    

 

We had decided on a caterer for the wedding, chosen the food, the cake, the decorations. Saying; we were nearly good to go. At first I had thought it would get difficult, once we came to making concrete decisions; we all know Maura. Surprisingly she was rather relaxed. There were no big discussions, no forth and back, up and down.

 

Sometimes it was so easy I started to think that someone had stealthy exchanged her with a clone or something. No sign of Maura the nerve-wrack, as her mother firstly visited, no panic attack because time was running fast, nothing and somehow it was a little spooky.

 

The last weekend we had spent in New York, with both our mothers, looking for wedding dresses. The biggest surprise was Maura not pulling a fight about any traditions. I am deeply ashamed to admit that I had seen her a little bit more as the ‘princess-wedding’ kinda girl.

 

Three month and six days to go from here!

 

Constance turned out to be rather cool. Since our week in France she was really more likable, more caring and stuff but she is really a tough and cool lady. She has a really refreshing style of being blunt, cheeky and saucy. She is lovable once you cracked the shell.

 

Like my mother surprisingly wasn’t meddling too much into the preparations. Supportive, willingly to help but rather modest, which I think is odd. Not trusting her on this account I think I am in for a big surprise-birthday-party, she will need some compensation for not planning our wedding on her own. She had me pestered my whole life about marriage, husbands and grandchildren, but since she learned that I had fallen for Maura it nearly felt like she was afraid her meddling would kill anything between us. I am not going to complain, just wondering. It’s never too late to learn.

 

“So what about the nice things for strangers, you have any idea?” Maura asks while having coffee in her office.

 

“Don’t know; maybe go for a walk, buying a meal for a homeless or some coffee. I have no idea, rather on a short note the whole thing.”

 

“You know I meant it, that it could be fun.”

 

“Like I said Maura you seem to forget that some needy cops suggesting things we ‘should’ do before the wedding. I am sure there will be coming thinks like; have a threesome or buy a dildo or other fuck.”

 

“Language Jane! Today’s request was rather nice.”

 

“Yeah, probably one of the few females… It may be a nice idea but I am sure I don’t want to know what some of them suggest. My whole skin crawls when I look at some of them watching us. Drooling all over the place, picturing us.”

 

“You don’t know that.”

 

Both my eyebrows shoot up. “Really Maura? You know the only reason that Nash still can use his dick is you. I would have blown his balls with my gun right there.”

 

“Language and I know. I found the image rather unpleasant myself.”

 

“See! I’m going to let you go back to your autopsy. It’s our turn on cold-cases-rotation this week, so I am going to have some fun with Frost and Korsak.” I brace myself on the table and kiss her, throwing my cup in her bin and make my way upstairs.

 

It is a habit of mine to pull of one big prank with one chosen person, in spite of the usual pranks like whoopee’s, glued pencils, fake-calls, chocolate filled with mustard, pulling every screw out of chairs, changing desks, changing the time. This year however I just didn’t go for one person. Waiting for Maura to leave her office to change, I sneak back in.  

 

Pushing through the door to the morgue I spot my messenger right away. I ask for the lab tech, preparing the autopsy to pass a message to Maura. Picking up the file from her desk I let the picture slide from the table, as he leans down to pick it up for me I wait long enough for him to recognize what it is and go myself for it. “Um… that is private,” sticking it into my pocket, handing him the file over and leave the office. I am going to have the blast of my life.

 

Incredible how you can rely on it that BPD-press will work its magic rather fast. By lunch-time the staff, frequenting all men spaces like the café, the front desk or dispatch, was whispering on the quiet. Stealthy looks to Maura or I, rooms going quiet when we entered.

 

Watching the sign, guiding through the BPD you could watch the word crawling.

 

1st Basement:

Morgue, Office Chief Medical Examiner, Crime Laboratory Unit (CLU), Latent Print Unit (LPU)

 

2nd Basement:

Firearm Analysis Unit (FAU), Evidence Unit (EU),

 

3rd Basement:

Locker-room’s, gym  

 

Main floor:

Dispatch, Sex Offender Registry, Missing Persons Unit (MPU), Data Recovery Unit (DRU), Economic Crimes Unit (ECU), Victim Advocates Unit (VAU), Division One Café

 

1st  Floor:

Crimes Against Children Unit (CACU), Sexual Assault Unit (SAU),Domestic Violence Unit (DVU), Human Trafficking Unit (HTU), Youth Services Unit (YSU),

 

2nd Floor:

Robbery Unit (RU), Auto Theft Unit (ATU), Arson Unit (AU)

 

3rd Floor:

Homicide Unit (HU), Drug Crime Unit (DCU), Boston Regional Intelligence Center (B.R.I.C.)

 

4th Floor:

Cold Case Unit (CCU)

 

Ringing phones and baffled faces and I love it. I knew Frost and Korsak were the hardest nuts to crack and the best part would come when it would make its way up to homicide. Maura had no clue and I was using her to let my partners breaking out in sweat.

 

I watched them exchange a quick glance from the corners of my eyes as Maura came up to bring a file, standing beside me placing it on my desk, looking up to her and quickly caressing her belly with the back of my index.

 

Half an hour later Frost asked me if I had any gum on me ‘cause his lunch was bugging him. I roamed through all my pockets, pants and blazer, pulling the picture out a bit to have a better look. That’s when Korsak loosened his tie a bit more. An hour later the knowing smiles, thumbs-up and back-patting started wherever I walked. I was doing victory dances underneath my usual façade. How a piece of paper could set off such a wave…

 

Keeping my mouth shut about anything not work-related I served my time, my constant underlying grin helped to make it more authentic. Shy to five p.m. Maura walked into the bullpen, wearing a funny face.

 

“I am a little confused,” she mused coming over to my desk.

 

“That’s nothing new there Maur,” I didn’t even look up.

 

“Ha ha, very funny! On my way up here three different people congratulated me and I have no clue why.”

 

“Oh… that’s because they think you’re pregnant,” I answered as dry as possible, closing the file I was working on.

 

Standing I pulled the sonogram out of my pocket and held it up for everyone to see. “April fool’s!”

 

“How?” Frost and Korsak stammered in unison.

 

“Oh, this is baby Tommy Rizzoli,” I grinned, putting it back into my pocket, linking my arm with Maura’s. “Gotcha,” and we walked out into the hall.

 

…

 

**Maura’s POV**

 

Grabbing the top of the headboard with both hands, searching for leverage and support. Back arching, bowing, chest pressed forward, hips moving in waves, abs rippling, head pressed into nape. Swallowing becomes a challenge, like breathing, thinking. Riding two gracious fingers I collapse beside her, pulling her into my arms, clinking to Jane. Needing her, to ground me while my body jerks and shake.

 

“You two at least should close the blinds,” Jane comes walking through the door, making us both jump.

 

“That’s a very good idea,” I jump up and throw my coat over the boxes on my desk.

 

“It’s not what you think,” Frankie jumps to defend and I see Jane’s eyebrows scooting up.

 

“You know your attitude, of jumping apart anytime I find you both in a room together, does make it worse. I was kidding,” holding up her hands in surrender. “Relax… you are not Tommy,” she points to Frankie, then to me. “And you are… you. You couldn’t even have an affair if you want to, you would die from dyspnea. I bumped into Ma. You better kill on that exam today, little brother.”

 

“There’s nothing like a little more pressure,” Frankie murmurs on his way out.

 

When I turn around fully towards her I see her smiling at me, the one that not only melts my heart, before she gets serious again. “Come on. There’s been a stabbing at the Brimmer Street Jail. Victim probably won’t survive his wounds.”

 

We worked so hard, at so many nights. In silence, in tears, screaming, pleading, praying. As friends, as partners, as lovers, as one soul. I prayed not for much in my life, but one thing I begged a lot for was for her to never have to hear this voice again.

 

It feels like nitrogen streaming through every vein. This voice means so much pain. I can’t swallow, can’t breath. My brain is in overdrive and I can hear my heart shatter into million pieces. This voice means so much pain for the one I love more than my own life.

 

The use of her name makes me tasting bile on my tongue, it taints its grace, its beauty. Something so unworthy shouldn’t be allowed to be in the same universe.

 

Jane… her name falling from my lips means so much. So many words I can never express coming together in one… Jane.

 

Like one word is able to take everything… Hoyt.  

 

Pain; you can cause so many pain, in so many different ways. If you have the pleasure to know Vince Korsak there is something you also learn to know; devotion. For his job, for Jane! I can only try to understand how much pain it must have caused him to see Jane hurt, to see their relationship being damaged. I know he was devastated. He didn’t understand at first but once he did, it didn’t hurt less but he survived. Jane knows she had hurt him then and she knows she hurts him now and I know she is torn. Torn; between doing the right, and doing the hard thing. I was with her at this point, once.  

 

Hate; I never thought I was able to really hate someone, to wish the most possible worst. I do, from the bottom of my heart and I didn’t think for a second, shoving his blood sample into my bra.

 

Love; is to do what ever it takes. To make a fool out of your self and try to bring back a smile, even if it’s only lasts for a second. To be strong; even if you feel weak, so the other one can search for shelter.  

 

I don’t guess, but it’s hard to believe in coincidence. I wish it was, but even if I don’t listen to my intestines, it isn’t and I know it for sure the moment we find the teeth. Vince looks exactly like I feel as the elevator opens. Before I can walk in he only whispers ‘She’s downstairs’.

 

I find her sitting on the floor, hundreds of files lying around her. I crouch down in front of her, cupping her face, pressing our foreheads together before I kiss her long and gentle. I know she won’t come home with me and she knows I won’t leave her alone. So I get comfortable on the floor, my head on her left leg. She leans back against the shelf, caressing my cheek, silently reading.

 

I felt asleep multiple times during the night, getting up to buy some coffee at half past six. Showering, getting into spare clothes I made my way back down to Evidence she comes running towards me. Stopping shortly for a rather enthusiastic kiss she was gone and left me standing, baffled.

 

**Jane’s POV**

I am grateful for Maura being in my life. A lot of people may think right now that I am going insane, that Hoyt finally had broken me beyond repair. I know it is not reprehensible; maybe I would look at myself and think I lost it finally… Maura tells me often that fear is not only negative, that it makes us being carefully but I never wanted for anyone to be this deep inside of me.

 

I was not afraid as I walked into the basement and probably that was my biggest mistake. I had to learn that fear is not a weakness, but now my fear is a weakness. He sowed it right into my soul and I am not able to let go.

 

It is difficult to explain to someone. I am not afraid of Charles Hoyt the human serial killer, I am afraid of his shadow hunting me when I close my eyes, his ghost following me wherever I go, his presents whenever I use my hands.

 

I know all of them are only worried about me and Maura is surly too, but foremost she is just there. Not trying to tell me off, providing support and a shoulder to lie on. She takes me seriously…

 

I know they want to believe me but I see it in their faces… more than ever after we spend the whole day searching for the Wilson-family, in vain. That’s why I prefer Maura to solve Hoyts puzzle. Not because she has the mind to do it, not foremost, she confides in me… however often I need her to do so.

 

 _Even the weeping willows turned yellow that year._  
 I love the feel of velvet.  
Virgin white velvet.  
A young eagle lost its family of four.  
Did you know that eagles don't drink water?  
Did you come through the west gate?

 

It is the game we play and works so well. Maura spreads her knowledge and my own brain gets into overturn. I never would have known that there were weeping willows, ‘cause there are non, now. They died many years ago and without Maura’s master-brain I would not know that. Weeping willows growing near water; Hoyts sentence about eagles don’t need to drink making suddenly sense.

 

We did found them, all four; buckled up in their car, sunken in the lake, their throats slit.

 

**Maura’s POV**

I don’t know how I feel about going back to meet Hoyt; only one thing I am sure of. I am not going to let her go there by herself. While we drive over to the prison my mind spins around the fact why he suddenly wants to confess so much. Sure; Charles Hoyt is proud of his ‘work’, proud he was able to fool so many people, proud he could slip through the system until he met Jane and his ego got him where he is now. I am not sure if I like Jane facing him again.

 

Hearing that he will not make it through the night is an incredible feeling. Incredible releasing, incredible horrifying. Horrified about me enjoying someone’s life being obliterated.

 

**Jane’s POV**

Maybe they are right… I should give a fuck, nobody would blame me for it. I can’t… I can’t let him die missing the chance to lure more confessions out of him.

 

This wasn’t about guilt. I knew the moment she proposed to come along that it wasn’t about Hoyt possibly talking bull-shit because of his cancer. It was an aspect, because she would have been broken out in hives, but we both knew she wouldn’t let me near him by myself.

 

 

It is not fair. It’s not fair that he is going to die so peacefully after torturing so many people. He was never satisfied with just killing. He took their dignity, he raped the women while their husbands had to watch, he killed the men while the wife had to watch. Kidnapping the women and martyred them, castrating them, laid them out like some piece of art only to rape them as long as they weren’t found.

 

Killing was just fun on the side. He enjoyed destroying his victims, death came as a release.

 

**Maura’s POV**

It feels like my heard stops as Charles Hoyt snaps up and grabs Jane, feeling the hand of Mason squeezing my throat. Trapped… If it weren’t our lives being on the brink here you could have laughed.

 

My whole life I prided myself being logically, responsible-minded, reasonably. I should have expected Hoyt not to surrender.

 

**Jane’s POV**

 

I do not regret much in my life, but I regret bringing Maura into Hoyt’s game. I would never deny that she is so much stronger than I ever can be but she should not have seen what she saw and definitively not have to go through what she went through and not what she will have to go through right now… I am not afraid for myself…

 

 

**Maura’s POV**

 

Think, think quick… I am grateful when he stalks over to me. I never took the opportunity to let her teach me in self-defence, there was always something else, something more important.

 

I did the math and I know trying to take down Mason would probably render Jane’s void to make it out alive. My hands are bound tightly and I am too short to choke him. Beside Hoyt is never going to give Jane up in exchange for Rod. Wearing a pencil skirt was neither a good idea, not enough bodyweight, also not enough distance between us to make him loose his balance. I wish it was different. I am not afraid to sacrifice my life, for her to make it out alive.

 

I am not proud that I can’t find another way to safe her but when I hear her growling ‘Hoyt, don’t you touch her’ I know it is our only way out and I risk it all. I play with her fear and love. The only way we will make it out of here is her need to protect me.

 

It is his mistake to underestimate her, her devotion for me. Someone like Hoyt is not able to know what it means to love, all the lesser what it means to have something running so deeply. You can love in so many different ways, you can love more than once, but you can only for once love like this.

 

He once made me believe that I was like him and he may have been right in some ways but Jane’s love made me see that I am nothing like Charles Hoyt. She saved me in so many ways.  

 

He could win if he would kill her first. I will not fight for my life. There is nothing worth breathing for if she is not by my side. But it’s not enough for him to see her dying, he wants to break her. He will rape me and he will kill me and he will make her watch and that’s where he is going to fail.

 

**Jane’s POV**

 

If Maura wasn’t there I would be dead by now. I know a lot of people will call me stupid, maybe even insane but it would have been easy to die. To die, finally letting go of the monster haunting me. I floated between begging for my live and sheer panic and if Maura’s voice hadn’t been there I probably would have remained in my stupor.

 

It is like an electric wire, bringing back life into my body. Like waking up from a nightmare and remembering you need to overcome your fear. I feel the adrenaline kicking in, like morphing from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde, like David Banner into Hulk. Your vision focuses, tunnel view; like a sniper aiming for his target. No pain, no fear, no thoughts. Your body reacts on autopilot, primal instincts, one aim…to survive.

 

**Maura’s POV**

The strike from the taser is strong. I feel his weight on top of me, I feel the pain of being cut with the scalpel. Like an out-of-body experience. I feel it but it doesn’t matter. I missed the chance to do something on my own, the reason doesn’t matter anymore either. Now I have to relay once more to the love of my life. The noises sink in like through a thick blanket of fog.

 

**Jane’s POV**

The animal instinct… it obviously saved both our lives. I tumble out of the headquarter… I am not entirely sure where Maura is. Korsak said she was okay… okay. He also said it was the first thing I did, looking after her. They let me go, they know better as to try to hold me. How I am able to ever look in her face again?

 

I feel like being drugged, restless walking through Boston. I can’t even remember if I head over to places we use to visit together subconsciously or deliberately. Sitting down on the bench in the park not far from the precinct Maura crying keep coming back, his disgusting face looking over, so proud of himself.

 

Barfing my guts into the bushes, beside the bench.

 

I can’t feel the pain my head or my neck should cause me… all I can feel is disappointment. Disappointed by myself, for not see through Hoyt’s game, being so stupid, so carelessly.

 

I want to go home. I want to go home to Maura, but I need to get a grip on me. I see myself head-butting Mason, grabbing the taser on instinct and shock him.

 

Bile rises again into my mouth. It feels like being there again. Hoyt sitting on Maura, there is no time to even think. Reacting purely on my instincts… I can’t explain it differently… I only start now to remember what happened… in slow motion.

 

I think it is more likely coincidence that I hit him perfectly turning around, sending the scalpel flying and him to the floor. Fighting with him… as long as I keep fighting Maura will be safe. I need Maura to be safe, nothing else matters to me.

 

Wrestling with him about the scalpel I suddenly are on top of him, the blade sticking in his chest, his shirt turning red around it.

 

_“I win and you’re going to hell alone.”_

_“I win and you’re going to hell alone.”_

_“I win and you’re going to hell alone.”_

_“I win and you’re going to hell alone.”_

_“I win and you’re going to hell alone.”_

 

My own voice curses through my mind. I hurl again and again, remembering where I am. Standing in front of the Robber… hating surprises; a birthday-party suddenly doesn’t seems so bad right now.  

 

I feel a little stupid for being disappointed not finding friends and family, maybe I should just go home and deal with my devil. At least I owe Maura some company in both our misery, I promised not to cut her out. 

 

 

**Maura’s POV**

While Jane sees off the last guests I strip down entirely, leaving only the light in the kitchen I stop in the middle of our living room, waiting for her to turn.

 

I need her to touch me. This has nothing to do with pleasure. I need her to touch me to heal. He touched me, he plant the picture in Jane’s mind as he told me long ago what he would do to me, she knows what happened to the women before, he marked her hands and if she will not touch me now she will never do it again.

 

He is dead but he will win at the end of the night. He will take it all away from her, from me, from us and at the end of the night we are going to die too.

 

I slowly walk over to her, taking both of her hands in mine and she flinches. Not because she is afraid of me, because she is afraid of herself, afraid she may trigger me, afraid to let him touch me, again. We were at this point once already, a long time ago.

 

I pull both up to my face, softly pressing a lingering kiss to her palms.

 

“Your hands are magnificent, incomparable, remarkable, and I don’t talk about the scars. Your hands are strong and tender, they mean protection and strength and shelter. They wipe away my tears, they hold me when I am sad, they warm me when I am cold, they protect me when I am scared.”

 

I close the distance entirely, letting her palms slide over my skin, from my breasts to my bottom, back over my hips between my legs.

 

“Whenever they touch me they set me on fire Jane. You set me on fire. Only your hands are able to make me feel all that. Save, loved, wanted, desired. Special.”   

 

 

 


	46. suitors and a missing child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

 

**_"Whenever they touch me they set me on fire Jane. You set me on fire. Only your hands are able to make me feel all that._ ** **** **_Save, loved, wanted, desired. Special."_ **

**Jane's POV**

It is odd but I am somewhat of thankful. Whatever Hoyt may have done, to his victims, to me… he's dead and we survived. More than that… we are alive! Feeling Maura's warm body against me is like the final straw, accomplishing my immersion therapy.

There will be nightmares; of course there will, like there are a lot of Charles Hoyt's out there, but I saw him taking his last shuddering breath with my own eyes. I killed him with my own hands, the hands carrying his marks.

It's funny though, Frost made a joke tonight. He compared me to Harry Potter and looking at it this way he is right. I could look at my hands, my scars and remember forever which agony was connected to them, which torture. It was my choice.

Maura opened the door even wider. For her my hands bring nothing but love. I am the one who lived… letting Hoyt poisoning my soul would make him live forever.

…

"What the hell was that?" Frost looks at me, a mix of grin and confusion on his face. I watch Maura walk into the elevator with the huge pink bear, waiting for the doors to close I burst out laughing. Korsak and Frost exchange confused glances.

"Okay, okay! I am gonna tell ya." I try to calm down enough not to start laughing again like an idiot.

"Last Wednesday Maura and I took Ma's car to the garage, there was something leaking. Soooo… there is this small garage belonging to a family, living in my childhood-neighbourhood. Obviously Salvatore, the father gave up business to his son, Giovanni. I went to high school with him. Well you all know Maura and her being overly-nice and over-the-roof-friendly… well and Giovanni is a nice guy but really, really dense."

I start to chuckle again. "I warned Maura but she wouldn't listen, she thought he was just being nice…" I laugh loudly. "Yeah being nice, my ass. You know how she gets. He had a 1975 Alpha Romeo 2000 GT Veloce and she was all over the roof and good Giovanni thinks that Maura is into him."

"Oh boy," Korsak muttered from his desk.

"Well I have a blast, because he's showering her with gifts and she has no idea how to stop it."

"Just tell him off," Frost pipes up.

"Me? No! I warned her to slow down on her too-nice-to-be-true-behaviour but she wouldn't listen to me, now I am going to have fun."

They looked both at me. "Ah no worries, Giovanni is harmless. Annoying, but harmless. When he doesn't speak he is actually quite nice."

"Oh boy," I hold up my phone. "Got a message from Maura. She somehow invited him over for dinner."

"How can you 'somehow' invite someone?" Frost giggles.

"I don't know, she wrote exactly those words. 'I somehow invited Giovanni over for dinner tomorrow'." Shaking my head. "She thinks she has to be nice to him because my Ma gets the friend-discount, she doesn't want to hurt his feelings too." I point out at Korsak. "Hey don't look at me like that, she's an adult, she can fix her problems on her own. Don't forget that I warned her."

"Didn't he see the ring on her finger?"

"I already told you he is dull. I think his IQ comes close to potato salad. I bet first thing he will ask is for a threesome when he learns that Maura and I are a couple." I look at my watch. "Well as much fun as I am having Maura is going to drag me into a new restaurant tonight. I am off for today."

Our 'to-do' list contended a lot of rather stupid requests and to my very surprise it barely was sex related stuff. Barely… Three days ago Maura and I had burst out laughing as Frost, Korsak and Frankie had bolted up from their seats and nearly stumbled over themselves as Maura had thrown the daily request into the bin with the words 'oh, we did that already' and a faint smirk on her face. They had nearly gotten into a fight over said bin, all of them eager to find the note only to turn beet-red reading the request of sex in public.

It took them almost two days to be able to look at me again. Tonight we would make good on the request from yesterday. 'Dining in the dark'; could be funny. Not knowing what to eat and foremost not seeing what you shove in your mouth. Maura was ecstatic about it. She said it was a very unique experience, only to relay on your sense of taste. She had tried something like that back in College, as an experiment in class. Though back then it were just samples of food like a piece of fruit or cheese, she was looking forward to have an entire five-course-meal blindfolded.

Today's request was rather funny too. 'Buy the most desired toy of your childhood and play with it.' Korsak suggested to look for flea markets as it was probably hard to buy toys from our youth in regular stores. Having a look during lunch we would probably spend our Sunday driving around Boston from market to market.

Maura's desired toy made me actually smile brightly. I had thought about some weird scientific equipment, but no. Maura had wanted a Tamagotchi and it took her nearly three hours to admit it, while my greatest wish as a kid was having Optimus Prime, my favourite Transformer.

Our meal was delicious and we had actually fun eating. Silverware missing the right entrance, fingers in classes, guessing tastes and ingredients. After dinner they served the menu card together with a glass of champagne. Obviously we had tartar from king crabs and scallops with avocado-salsa, goat cheese ravioli with truffles on carrot-soup, spined loach with grapes, bacon and croutons, braised ox cheek with roasted turnips and potato-porcino-mousselin, and for dessert tarte Tatin from russet, sour cream ice and spicy quinces.

Parking the car Maura leans over to me for a kiss. "I am taking Jo, can you feed Bass and prepare also Jo's bowl, please?" Coming into the house I watch them both leaving through the front door.

I fill Jo's bowl first and put it down on the floor, picking up Bass already prepared dinner and make my way into the hall where he has his cave underneath the stairs.

"Hey Buddy," I crouch down placing his cactus leaf and three strawberries in front of him. "You know sometimes I envy you, that little cave of yours looks really comfy. You don't need to worry about crazy murders and stupid auto mechanics."

I feel Maura's fingers in the hairline on my nape. "But you would also miss a lot of things," she whispers while I get up, she starts unbuttoning her coat. I definitively hadn't expected that. Maura wore nothing but a scarf and heels after her coat hit the floor.

"Wow…I…where is the rest of your…," I motion to her.

"Does it matter?" she breathes, closing the distance between us. While we kiss she shoves her index fingers into the front loops of my slacks, slowly walking backwards, pulling me with her.

"Too bad the guest room is still not finished…," I whisper against her lips.

"Too bad," her fingers going for my belt. "Although, this way I don't need to shred your clothes to get you naked 'til we reach the bed and I can push you on your back."

…

The pain hat lost its power, it backtracked, only a threatening, whispering choir in the background. Now they wanted to push back in, though they didn't pull her into the deep anymore, resembling dark waves, that never reached her again.

Only one time she opened her eyes. She saw the gray lines of cement blocks, crumbling chalk in the joints and far above the lighter lines of the truss. She saw wooden boxes, black-brown by age, piling on top of each other along the wall and the posts of the old wooden bed he had bound her to… and she saw herself, her naked, blood stained skin, the white, strained, like that of a doll, twisted knee. Behind it there was the heavy door, made of planks, he had locked before, and the light, only falling through a small porthole, and again her own blood… so much blood.

And she saw him.

This face.

His face.

His hair wasn't light like before, wet-dark and squashed, dark from sweat. Sweat was gathering underneath his eyes, at the hollow of his cheeks and his eyes were like flashes behind blue glass.

"Look… yeah look…"

She could barely breath anymore, her right eye burned, it was swollen, thick and blue, and she struggled to keep it open.

"Yeah look…" The words only wheezing whispers. "Yeah look, look… say it! You got what you wanted… That's what you want, what you all wanted."

Before he had thrown her on the mattress he had hit her, in her face. Four times to her mouth, four times to her neck, two times on the eyes. The red, smeary haze was gone. Her left eye was closed again. But her right one saw… that awful face.

He had beaten her, before he had done all those things to her, he had screamed at her during it, he had said that she never would understand, but it had to be done, that she also never would understand what she wanted herself, that she was too stupid and too young but that it was okay and that it had to be. He had to do it and then he had hit her again and again and again.

"I need to," he had screamed. "You know, I'll drive it out of you! So… yesssss… again, once more… it has to leave…! I, I, I…," a shrill pant. "I, I, I…"

She had thought that was the end but then she had seen the stick and had rammed it between her legs. It was the most excruciating pain.

"Shh… little doll! That's what you want… that's what you all want…all, all my little dolls. Shhhhhhh… come on little doll…you like it, don't you?"

The pain had nearly ripped her apart. She heard the scream, a long shrilly scream and she noticed it was her very own scream. But he had only laughed.

"What? Damn… you don't like it anymore?"

She opened her eyes once again. His breath was loud, a disgusting, sharp, terrible hiss that was coming out of his chest. He was kneeling above her again, like before as he had done this horrible things but this time he wasn't holding a stick, it was something different… a stone, a grey cement block and his hands clutched it hard high above his head.

She knew what would happen now and she was almost happy, she had herself earned to die, finally. Suddenly she yearned for that heavy, edged square to come down, it would be the end, finally an end and yet she screamed at the top of her lungs: "No!" Again and again. "No, no!...Noooo!"

…

It has been his smile… she had never hitched a ride before. Never when she went to the gym and not when she went to the disco. He sat there in his blue car. It was his smile.

"Hey, where do you want to go? Winthrop? You don't need to wait for the bus, it will be nearly an hour."

That wasn't true. She knew it, it came every thirty minutes but she had missed it just two minutes ago and sitting there didn't seem funny at all. She knew it was dumb to get into a strangers car…

"Come on, give me your bag. Going to the gym?"

"Yes, aerobic," she had answered.

He wasn't very tall, lean and although his simple clothes; the jeans and yellow sweatshirt, from its round neckline the blue checked collar of a shirt was showing, he seemed nice, friendly.

His smile was really beautifully, it was his face with the soft, childlike mouth. He had wheaten-blond hair, thick and dark eyebrows and those blue eyes, looking so soft and caring. It was the kind of guy everyone liked, like one of her friends. It was only his smile that made her getting in.

Now it was done and his face looked like that of a dying one, a skull that only seemed to exist of cavernous, eyes shrunken, cheeks hollow, teeth bare. Sweat everywhere. He was exhausted, no squeeze of energy left. Striking nerves, limp muscles, limp as a wet sack, too far, too foreign this world was in which he had been staying… a ghost-galaxy… but now his mission was complete and now he, the astronaut, had to break away from it, even if it cost the last spark of power, returning was his job, not more than returning, he had to go back to thinking, filling this icy void with plans.

Get her out of here.

Why exactly? They will find her anyway.

Get her out of here.

I can't! I can't anymore!

This would be against the plan anyway. And although… what must be, must be. And the poor pig of dolly-whore didn't have anything of it anymore. She didn't matter anymore, she didn't exist anymore. He should pray now… Oh my little holly one. Look, now you are there, there where its easier, better. But he didn't… though he knew it would be better.

The last time he did, the last little doll was still a child. This time he had no words and this was the only reason why he suddenly felt the panic rising.

God!

Oh, give me your words…

God didn't…

His stomach cramped. He had starred much to long to the cement block and to that what was underneath. His knees didn't want anymore. He sacked down, coming to rest on the edge of the bed she was lying on. It didn't even matter that the mattress was soaked with her blood. He hadn't legs anymore, only molten, hot water-pillars; he moaned, he leaned his head against his bloody hands and stayed like that for a long, long time. Mission completed. He had not only showed it the little doll, he had showed it them all. The only importance was the landing, now.

A clean landing, of course. The one; they slap your back and tell you  _Good boy, that one was perfect…_

The blood? The clothes? Also no problem. You had thought about it. In your car are your work-clothes, you are going to wear it, the one you wearing now you're going to throw into the creek or burn them. Stop… step after step. The lashing straps you used to fix the holly-whore to the bed? Into the water too… leaves the stone. They should have it. They will have their fun with it.

You could burn down the whole shack… No they would be here in no time, noticing the smoke from the street and besides, burning the little doll? No, there's still something. He dipped his index into her blood and drew a bold cross between her breasts.

Done…FINALLY!

…

Maura hadn't planned to be alone when Giovanni would arrive for dinner but she was and the reason was not even one she could be mad about. They had wanted to leave and they were about to walk through the front door when a woman caught Jane's attention. She had been crying, wailing more likely and being the caring woman she was Jane couldn't just walk by.

Barry, Vince and Jane were most likely now sitting in B.R.I.C. working without a case to find a trace of the nineteen-year-old daughter of this woman who had been turned down by MPU, she wasn't a child anymore. She had seen the look on Jane's face and known that her 'gut' had kicked in.

Maura had also not planned to end up nearly on her back on the couch with Giovanni crawling above her and trying to kiss her, let alone trying to lick her face. She could still taste vomitus on her tongue, she hadn't, but it had been damn close… her neck was itching… she had used a harmless text from Angela to get out of her own house. Work, she had excused, she had rushed him to the door and told him she needed to leave to a crime scene.

She had left, even in direction of work, her workplace. She had quickly picked up the bag with take-out food and rushed out to her car, driving over to the head-quarter. She didn't need to be there but she wanted. Jane had been right and she wrong, it always went this way when it came to life, something she still lacked in experience.

Sometimes she asked herself how much lucky she had been, never ending up in bed with a killer or something, one-night-stands were risky after all. She hadn't wanted to think about it at the time but her line of work should have taught her something different. Giovanni wasn't a killer but it could have gone wrong, she realized that the second he was above her. She wouldn't have stood a chance.

She had planned to call Giovanni once she was home and postpone the dinner, but after picking up the food she had ordered and could not cancel, he was already waiting on their doorstep. Exiting her car she had planned to explain carefully to him that she hadn't planned to send off the wrong signals and that she was with Jane and simply had being just nice and that it had taken on a life of its own, somehow.

"Giovanni notice anything other than your cleavage?" Jane asked the second Maura walked through the door in B.R.I.C.

"He wanted to lick my face."

"I'm so surprised. You mean he didn't take you to see the Boston pops and then for a four-course prix fixe at l'espalier?" Jane took a deep breath. "I am going to fix it in the morning, next time just listen to me Maura."

The blonde doctor silently took out the food she had brought along and the three detectives nearly drooled on their shirts in anticipation. It was already late and they hadn't eaten anything since lunch and they hadn't found any trace of the missing girl either. Jane didn't know exactly why but she had a very bad feeling about this one…

…

Jane's POV

"Look, I appreciate you working on my mom's car, all right? I am calling a tow truck, and I'm gonna take it from here." Oh my God, he pimped my mother's car into a racing car or something. "Oh, my God! What were you thinking?"

"Oh, man, I never think. I just do, you know?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Perf'd the driver's seat, installed a cooler/heater setup."

"You added spinners?"

"Huh? Racing stripe, too. Mrs. Rizz gonna drive in style. It's nice, huh? Just finished installing the water pump." He turns, looking directly at Maura. "Hey, you said you wanted to, uh, help me under the hood, huh?"

"Okay… that's why we are here Giovanni. Do you see that ring on Maura's finger, that's an engagement-ring. The ring of my grandmother," I pull Maura closer to me, wrapping my arms around her from behind.

"Oh." I thought he got it but it took another minute until it dawned on him. "Oh! Ah. Are you two batting for the other team? I always wanted to try it with two girls."

He earns one of my best death-glares. "Listen, I still like you, yet and I know Maura can be a little confusing with the signals she sends but there is nothing going to happen, not between you two and definitively not between the three of us. Get it?"

He looks at me for some moments. "I'm sorry, really. I didn't know."

"How much for Angela's car?" Maura asks him going for her wallet.

"Nah, I mean, your Ma was so good to me growing up. I can't charge her. Just tell her she can bring me some cookies," he's a really nice guy, a little bit too double-wide but nice. Somehow I feel a little sorry, for me not stopping it earlier. I know he will get over it as quickly as the next skirt is walking by but still.

They found her… Short Beach Creek near Fredericks Park, whoever had done this had placed her just out of reach from the water. We should look at it in all its cruelty.

Comminuted fractures over the entire cranium, deep cortex injury. Bone cracks, exfoliations down to the zygomatic bone. Massive destruction of brain tissue… a large hematoma at the fifth rip, three smaller ones on the right shoulder area, originating from punches… a sweeling with fibrous tear-out on her right inner labium, twenty-nine millimetre in diameter… probably caused by a angular piece of wood…the cervix… the gagging reflex was instantly back.

The pictures of the poor girl kept coming back, there wasn't even a word for it. Erased, wiped out. She was beaten so badly it was more than destroying, more than killing, more than wrecking. There was barely a crime scene were it had been so hard not to puke, crouching down beside Maura I had to gulp it down again, my breakfast…

This morning my only problem was fighting off an Italian auto-mechanic of my fiancé. Now there was a creepy silence filling the room, usually always filled with any kind of sounds. We all stared onto something… Maura's preliminary autopsy report, a computer screen, crime scene photos… We have had our fair share of cruelty, brutality, barbarism but this one was new. It would change all our life forever.

**Have a nice week**

**x3 x3 x3 rizzlezshipper4ever**

 


	47. like an animal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)  
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

**_We all stared onto something… Maura's preliminary autopsy report, a computer screen, crime scene photos… We have had our fair share of cruelty, brutality, barbarism but this one was new. It would change all our life forever._ **

 

Their team had the reputation to be quickly and effectively, that was once… There was barely a proper meal in weeks or a goods night rest, not a single thought spend on a wedding or life in general. They came home late at night, a beer and a glass of wine, silently next to each other on the couch, crawling into bed only to be haunted by shadows and gruesome pictures. Nobody seemed to remember when they last had shared more than a chaste kiss…

 

There was the faint shadow of a night in which they had tried to forget, only to be interrupted by a call to the next crime scene. There were four now, four, badly-hit, girls bodies, destroyed beyond recognition and it didn’t get easier to look at them. As they had found the third body Jane had called Gia for any kind of help.

 

She had arrived two days ago, three hours before the fourth body was found. They needed help, desperately. The press had started to call him the ‘crucifix killer’, thanks to a photographer who had cheated his way through the crime scene barrier, taking advantage of the chaos and generally despair, mistakenly deemed for a crime-tech.

 

Understandably the confidence into the police of Boston had arrived at the zero point. Four bodies and still not one single clue… the original crime scenes, where the girls had died were nothing but a bloody mess. The last one was still not detected. All of the crime scenes were found by accident, he killed them in some hidden, abandoned building like a barn or house and brought them closer into the city to dump the bodies where they would be found, shortly after. The last crime scene was found in Milton, the body dumped in Hyde Park.

 

They couldn’t even count anymore how often Jane’s name was printed in the news, yesterday they had needed to call for support, two patrol cars had to come and help removing the reporters from their property. For the first time they had closed all blinds and felt like trapped in their own house.

 

Dysfunctional family, grown up without a father, bordering on incest - loved by his mother, eccentric, effeminate loner, not really accepted by anyone. Most likely handsome, attractive even. White, male, most likely young, younger than twenty five…

 

They had slept with each other in the dawn of the new day. It had happened on some kind of instinct, you could even call it accidentally. It had been soft and gentle and slow. They had needed to feel anything but pain and despair.

 

They had just forgotten for a little while, a single thought about what had happened to those girls would have made their love dirty and disgusting. Jane had wrecked her brain if she knew something so entirely conflicting. How could something so beautiful she shared with Maura become the nightmare of someone else… it should be kind of impossible to have sex without love, there should be some kind of natural barrier…

 

They had needed to reconnect and though it had lacked of pure lust it wasn’t some kind of act. It was honestly, like a little progress, a small victory while recovering from a very serious injury. There was no need to worry for one of them… It wasn’t that they had moved apart somehow, quite the contrary, the only difference was that their love was captured in the small gestures at the moment.

 

 _There is nothing to what one does not get used to in this profession._ That was what someone had told her long ago, but Jane was sure that the day she would get used to seeing such pictures and wouldn’t get sick by it, was the day she would quit.

 _Poor Maura_ was another thought entering her mind quite often these days. The blonde doctor may seem ‘too professional’ sometimes, but who took the time to look a little closer would also know that Maura was mourning. She was the one left alone with the aftermath, spending hours and hours to care and examine. No one other knew better than her how much the girls had suffered, she understood the signs, the force, the science.  

 

More often then she liked, Jane had watched her fiancé through the windows of the morgue, the autopsy room, caressing their destroyed faces, holding their small hands for some moments. Like she could make it less painfully, like she could make them feeling less lonely. It hurt the detective to her very core and beside that she wanted to safe another girl from suffering and for parents to get some closure, the desire to free Maura from this burden was nearly unbearable.

 

She knew that Maura saw a therapist on regular, to keep the cruelty of her profession in safe paths and sometimes she thought it would be good if it was an obligation for cops, too. She would never admit it though but sometimes beating a dummy wasn’t helping…

 

The air was thick… everyone’s nerves were stretched to the breaking point. There was no rhythm… the crucifix killer had no timeline, a week, a day, three days. No one knew when it would happen again and not fooling anyone, everybody with a daughter under the age of twenty was frightened to death and most likely the ones with elder kids also… the youngest had been thirteen, the eldest nineteen…

 

Maura’s Merlot was rough and bitter and she knew it had nothing to do with the wine… she had worked until exhaustion and five hours further, nothing. It was like the crucifix killer was a ghost, not one single piece of evidence. No hairs, no fingerprints, no DNA.

 

All they had was tire tracks; only to find a heap of rubber burnt to a cinder and another report about stolen tires. Jane herself had asked the FBI for help, an act of desperation. Everyone who knew the detective also knew that she hated the Feds dearly. At first she had just asked her cousin for a profile but discovering the fourth victim she had surrendered and asked for help.

 

They could need any living brain cell available…

 

…

 

He stank, but he was alive. First it was the engines of the police vans, then voices, then the breaking and cracking of twigs and sticks, as they searched the woods in long rows, the barking of dogs and the roaring of the helicopters. He did not fear those stupid things. They never found him. The worst were the dogs. Because of them he had pushed deeper into the cave, as if he could dig like a mole into the damp, rotten ground.

 

The cave had perhaps belonged to an animal or it was accrued just like this. Downpours, for example. Water had washed away the ground. It was fucking wet in there and terribly cold at night, his skin itched and clay cemented his hair. Nevertheless he was grateful; the cave was a hint, the cave enveloped him, it would protect him…There were worms in it, spiders, there were all sorts of nasty brutes, and as much of them as he crushed there was also instantly another one crawling out of a corner or a hole.

 

That was part of it, he would be saved, God wanted it that way. He had done what was to accomplish. Just like the little man, like the silver-doll on his crucifix. Just like him…

 

The dogs, however, would have caught him, he was sure of it, police dogs smell everything. They would have entered the cave and would’ve growled at him, bared, bitten or driven him out like a weasel. But they had not. They were too far away. The dogs ran further up the hill, not one of them had come down there. Down here where too many prickly brambles had grown. That was part of it too. It was intentional…by God. He could, he would live… He had chewed roots, some green stuff, which was not to bitter to swallow. Then finally on the second day after he had redeemed the last little doll it became quiet again.

 

He had cleaned up himself, as best as possible but red pustules had formed on his face, his arms, his legs. They burned like hell. And he was hungry, he was so fucking hungry. He wasted not one singe thought about the girl anymore, she was dead. He had to eat…

 

…

 

Susie's scream came in somehow useful for the frustrated detective. Before Maura had the opportunity to get up Jane was already stormed out of her office, had crossed the autopsy room, in the direction of the voices. Pent-up frustration, which only could be relieved by finding the murderer, at this time, not promising any good for the photographer, who had gained unauthorized access to the morgue.

 

Jane was beside herself with anger, rage, holding the photographer at the collar she tore the film from his camera.

 

“What is actually going on in the sick minds of yours? Does one of you idiots even spend a single thought to the parents? How would you feel, seeing a picture of your dead daughter in the news? You make me sick,” Jane yelled at the man she had pinned with his back against the morgue cooler.

 

Maura never approved violence but for once she wasn’t going to stop Jane; that was if the detective decided to punch the photographer, but as much as Jane wanted to she wouldn’t, she would hurt him as much as possible while she cuffed him, just on the brink of being legally. She had Susie call for backup and two officers soon arrived to take it from there.

 

…

 

He had seen him when he broke away from the forest, crossed the valley and approached the house in the shade of the apple trees. He had hid behind the lilac hedge for a while, to clarify the situation, and there he stood, a gaunt man, a straw-hat on his head. He cleaned up something, walked twice across the yard, let the water run, holding his hands underneath. His face was unrecognizable, it was already too dark an that point.

 

He had waited and fought against the harsh burning in his esophagus and against the knot that had formed in his stomach. Weak as he was, it had troubled him, keeping his eyes open and not to fall asleep on the spot. And it had cooled down immensely.

 

Finally, the gardener's house was only a shadow with two bright golden rectangles anymore. In the right shimmered bluish light. That was the television. Well, if he had turned the TV on, he did not look into the yard, and he could [dare](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/dare.html) to [advance](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/advance.html) further.

 

Carefully, he had forced through the bushes and waited for the howl of a dog. Only a few chicken seemed restless, no dog, there was only him and his heart beating loudly and the damn window over there - and then in the corner, next to the attached garage, a large black plastic tubs.

 

Do not do anything stupid now ... But he did not think it through, could not help but ran and raised the lid; it smelled rotten, no matter he reached into, his hands groped through damp paper, something slippery, he withdrew his hand, smelly, filthy - but there he felt with the fingertips, before it dawned him: bananas! And they seemed to be okay.

 

Beside it, what was that? A can. Half open. But the sardines smelled fresh. And there's a piece of bread. And a plastic bag. He stuffed his prize in the bag, let the lid carefully slide back and listened again. Nothing was heard. Only the television mumbling, over there in the house.

 

On tiptoe he ran across the yard to a wall, flourished on the brambles.

 

Mesh wire, so rusted that he immediately broke as he pulled. He quickly slipped inside. There was smell of chicken manure. It did not matter. He held the bananas in his hand, his bananas, can of sardines, bread ... Tears welled in his eyes as he gulped down what he had found.

 

…

 

She would only get her daughter back at end of the week. Back to what? Oak coffin, earth, flowers - the priest, closing the lid, earth on top; that was all that had remained of sixteen years. Pat had not even really lived… Alice Porter was sitting in the chair by the window. She had lowered the blinds, not having to see anything of the world outside, but above all, not having to see people.

 

The blonde doctor in the morgue had been kind, had a heart, she had her also had spared having to see her daughter like that. She had asked her to identify the scar on Patricia’s right knee, which her daughter had gotten at the fall from her new bike, at her thirteenth birthday. The basement Alice had barely managed, but she could not longer cry, what good did it, the persistent crying?

 

Her brother had brought her home, her sister-in-law had asked her to stay with them. ‘What for heaven’s sake do you want in the house, all alone? Come on, be reasonable…’ She was not reasonable. She had bought coke for the girls who came home to her after school, and the others from the aerobic-club.

 

And then the whole neighbourhood had come, and all their friends. And they had brought flowers, each a bunch, so many flowers that had needed water. She had spread them everywhere, in the living room, in Pat’s room, in the corridor, she no longer knew where to put it, and now the whole apartment looked like a nursery or florist or a sea of flowers. It looked beautiful. Patricia had liked flowers so much. They won’t help her…

 

…

 

Jane rubbed her eyes. She didn’t know how many cups of coffee she had drunk already. Maura had fallen asleep next to her on the couch, her head on Jane’s thigh, being woken by the tortured ‘oh my God’ falling from the detectives mouth.

She sat up quickly.

 

“What is it Jane?”

 

“I… I think the girl, the suffocated one, while we were in New York. The one Crowe worked, was his first victim.”

 

Maura had gone over the report, signing it off after they had come back.

 

“Look,” Jane pointed to something at the edge of a crime scene picture. “It is different but this could be considered as a crucifix.” There were two small twigs, looking slightly like a cross.

 

They both stared at the pictures, read the report again and again.

 

“I don’t know… maybe it didn’t satisfy his desire or it didn’t gain enough attention. I don’t know but I think it’s him.”

 

Jane had called Frost and Korsak, Maura the M.E. who had covered for her. They all would meet in the bullpen of homicide an hour later.

 

It was middle of the night and they all looked like it. They had run out of coffee half an hour ago and they could barely wait for the café to get opened at six in the morning. After Jane had explained her thoughts, her partners had agreed that it was highly possible that the thirteen year old Jenny Keenan could be another victim of the crucifix killer. After all it matched his MO except for the cause of death. She had been suffocated with a plastic bag, still pulled over her head as the victim was found.

 

They could be wrong but any clue was better than nothing and it couldn’t hurt to look from a new angle. Another difference was the presence of semen. She hadn’t been raped with a stick, which could probably mean it was not the same killer, but it was a straw they desperately needed to grab on. The DNA was no match in any database, of course…

 

Shortly after six in the morning they all decided for a change of location and headed down to the café for breakfast, gathered around a table in the corner. Coincidence or fate; no one would ever know…

 

Jane picked up [a](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/a.html) [few](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/few.html) [scraps](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/scraps.html) [of](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/of.html) a [conversation](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/conversation.html) two officers were having while waiting for their breakfast. Wondering themselves what kind of crap some people reported to the police. There had been a call about stolen garbage and leftovers in an empty shed. That had gotten her attention.

 

…

 

The shed was quite large, about twelve feet long, rectangularly, built of bricks. No windows, just narrow openings under the roof through which the wind could enter. They walked slowly, carefully and quietly. Around the shed the concrete was cracking, crumbling. A weak, faint sun came through and drew a gray round shadow on it - the shadow of the water tanks.  

 

On the left the retaining wall to the slope, also made from concrete. Behind the iron struts that carried the water tank, ran a brick wall, overgrown with nettles. Behind it a lot of fruit trees. They were about ten feet away from the door now. Korsak whispered something Jane could not hear - how could she, a flock of pigeons had started from the gardener's house, and went with rattling wings tightly over their heads in a curve into the sky.

 

The elder detective had looked up - and this very second it happened. It was just too fast. Korsak's massive figure had blocked the view to the door. She saw nothing, nothing definite at least, nothing but a blurred, shadowy movement.

 

“Vince,” she had shouted.

 

He understood. Too late, though. The figure in brown coveralls had already completed two-thirds of the way to the scaffold of the water tank.

 

"Stop!" Jane yelled. "Stop! Boston Police!" Vince Korsak began to run, his gun lifted. "Stop right there or I'll shoot!"

 

He did not stop. But he glanced over his shoulder, and Jane saw the smeared face for the first time. THE MONSTER WITH THE ANGEL FACE… Through the dirt and blood she could clearly see his beautiful features, like a boy you would use to promote candy or cookies for kids or something, the perfect son-in-law. An ice cold hand grabbed her heart… she knew; nothing about someone’s appearance told something about their psyche, but this was WRONG!

 

He was now on the ladder that led up to the round iron circuit, from where the reservoir could be handled. He climbed and climbed quickly, did not have much to climb, seven, eight rungs, and he already formed a clear, black silhouette next to the steel ball.

 

Korsak raised his arm and aimed. "Stop or else ..."

 

There was no 'else'. Even now their yelling did not stop him, he ran along the circuit, climbed over the railing, his feet had been on the heavy iron beams that connected the whole construction to the retaining wall, both arms spread to hold his balance, so that it looked like he was about to fly for a moment, not even jerking, as the first shot rung out and Korsak aimed again, he just walked further, just like that, as if it was a thousand times practiced circus act , danced calmly on a six inches broad iron band on a four-foot abyss under police fire...   

 

Now Jane also aimed at him… The boy up there, the boy in the dirty Overall, the boy with the innocent child's face – there you have your crucifix killer!

 

She pulled the trigger. She had aimed for his knee, but he had moved to quickly. The bullet glanced off the steel beam and hit the floor, right next to the boy’s dirty running shoe. He jumped ... He had been so close to the wall, that he could jump, for a split of a heartbeat it looked like he had frozen, with back twisted arms in the air, and disappeared.

 

They searched for hours… they were back, the helicopters, the police vans, the dogs… nothing. They could have been chasing a ghost, a harmless vagabond, a homeless man who had searched for shelter from the still cold nights. But no one really believed it…

 

They had sat together in B.R.I.C bringing a face onto the screen and after that Frost had done his magic, letting the computer compare it to every picture in every data base.

 

They had gotten a name…

…

 

It's not that he didn’t not know that even dolly-whores were humans, especially they… because where is God's will in perfectively form, if not in the body of a teen, they are real goddesses, aren’t they? When are woman more beautiful than in this age? And he had destroyed their bodies. But it had to be, yeah it needed to be - he had his orders...

 

Later, oh later, everything was different. Days later he felt sorry. Later, he cried and cried. To whom should he talk about it? He cried and thought about to kill himself. Yes, often enough… he cried about himself, about the one no one understood, the victim of human stupidity. But previously there was the order…

 

He did not hear it, he felt it, it did not come out of his head, it came out of the earth, for the kingdom of God, those were the stars and the earth, and the command that was like a pulsing current that pierced the skin of his soles and legs, crept up thighs, then formed a fiery spiral down there and that spread further, over the chest, over the back into the arms, into the fingertips all the way up to the head.

 

Do it!

Only one thing: DO IT!        

 

YOU WILL DIE ON THE ELECTRIC CHAIR, JAMIE. YOU WILL BE CAPTIVATED. AND YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SNUFF IT IMMEDIATELY. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES?

 

With him everything would be different, very, very differently ...

He would talk, he would even still talk out of the chair, with the tongues of an angel, for he had God there. He had convinced everyone. When he spoke, he [gave](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/give.html) everyone [food](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/food.html) [for](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/for.html) their [thought](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/thought.html)s, because he was able to penetrate into every being, not only into the soul, no also into the skin of another, it was a gift, he even always knew what came from his mother, he knew her thoughts in advance, even before she spoke them out, and he hated it - but still: the same second to be clear what the other person thinks or feels, is a gift. And in this he was world champion. Even an executioner he would bring to drop his hand, which should kill him. Surely he would ... hundred percent ...  

 

And besides, there was no death penalty in Massachusetts.

 

The little sleep was accompanied by terrible dreams; he saw them all, the girls that had called him ‘milksop’ before they had turned around towards the boys that had beaten him, behind bushes and in locker rooms. In the middle was his mother, hunched up. A bottle of red wine in her arms, holding it like a baby and screamed in her usually screeching voice: ‘It was bound to happen like that...! Did I not always tell you? Of course ... because you had to go after every skirt and never understood that it’s a sin…’

 

…

 

Jane remembered her first encounter with a sexual offender. The man’s name was Don Wells, fifty-three years old and the owner of a gravel plant. John Newman was one of his teamsters and the father of the seven year old Jessica.

 

Three times Jessica had previously told her parents that Wells had harassed and touched her and that she was afraid of him. Three times the parents had appeased. It was about the job, all about the money.

 

On May the 4th some walkers followed the calls for help only to find a young girl, half hidden by the bushes, writhing on the ground. Her clothes were torn, her face covered in dirt, tears and scratches. She was in shock. Shaken by sobs she was unable to answer any questions or give a explanation about what had happened. The name of the girl was Jessica Newman, seven years old.

 

At the scene they had discovered nothing except tire tracks and a few bent branches.She went out once more - and was lucky: half hidden by leaves, she found a piece of paper, writing a travel insurance. It was only a newsletter, but it carried a computerized reference. It was the first time in her career that Jane had the urge to punch a face. The face of the man she was looking at from the porch; six feet, about fifty years, potbelly, balding, cigar and cashmere vest - the big wheel businessman from a picture book.

 

Piled-up drive, the desire for the impossible, feelings of omnipotence, sex? In this society everything is sold with sex. Sex on TV, in the car commercials, sex in fashion, you can not even eat a hamburger or a plate of fries without a billboard showing tits, threatened to slip onto your plate. Sex, the fuel of yield, no, it's more likely the lubricant, and consumer product number one. But was that all?

 

Why in the devil's name they had to molest children? This world was so fucked up…

 

James McCracken, twenty-two years old, 5.8ft, blond hairs and blue eyes. It was the name to the angel face and he lived with his mother, so he wasn’t a harmless homeless man… His mother said that of course she did not know where her son was and that did not believe that her Jamie could’ve done something like this. Despite the fact that Elisabeth McCracken was a cold-hearted bitch what happened the next two days to her was something she hadn’t probably earned. Not every killer had a difficult childhood…

 

The evening news had showed her house in close-up, as the three detectives had arrived. Most likely the news teams were following them everywhere and they hadn’t time nor were they in the mood to care about it. They had to catch a serial killer…

 

In that first night the house had being tagged, in bold letters, red paint; killer whore was written all over the front. Bombed with eggs and dog shit, at least Jane hoped it was from animals…

 

The night after it got worst… Elisabeth McCracken ended up homeless and badly burned. Molotov-cocktail’s, three of them, thrown into the window on the first floor, Jamie’s room. Some guys from a party in the neighbourhood had pulled the screaming woman out of her dying house.

 

This case was fucked up and it didn’t get any better… Jane remembered his room.

 

There had been four dolls, perched on a small bench like birds, roosting. A cabinet, a cheap one and through the small windows she had seen a dress. A girls dress, that of a six- or seven-year-old girl.

 

Nobody needed much imagination. All this evidence left the impressions of a pathological mother-child relationship, a pattern that is known in psychology for a long time, because it occurs relatively frequently. The image of a very, very sick pathological relationship.

 

Obviously Mrs. McCracken did not want a boy, no, she had wanted to have a girl around. The reasons could be neglect at this time - it may have been the disappointment of the man who had left her with the child. Maybe you had to look for the reasons also much earlier - maybe she herself had a father who had her suffering from a lack of understanding or brutality. For one reason or another she may have been left in solitude, that she just wanted to share with one person from now on: with her own child, but a child of her own ur-personally idea. A girl.

 

James McCracken’s face was looking at you from the cover of any newspaper, every newscast showed it too, right at the beginning. Wanted placards in Wild West style were hanging at every bus- and subway station, every playground and park, at the front gates of schools, shop windows, you could just say everywhere… Probably some private organisation had printed and spread them and Boston was going nuts. The phones wouldn’t stop ringing at the BPD, everyone claimed they had seen him, somewhere or they called when their daughter were late for even five minutes.

 

It was a witch-hunt and being honestly; it was understandable. Though it would be hard in case another girl would went missing, to decide if it was serious or just overreacting parents…

 

His mother still refused to talk to any cop, she was silently suffering in her hospital room, guarded by an officer because there were probably a lot of people out there who wanted to lynch the mother of the crucifix-killer.

 

Then another girl indeed went missing and if it would have been her parents calling maybe it would have been ignored with those many calls but it was a man living just outside the city limit in direction of Cow Island Pond.

 

He had seen the car and the man and the girl but wasn’t fast enough… we found the car close to Rivermoor Park, on fire. In Minutes there was law all over the place, BPD, FBI. Officers, Detectives, Feds, dogs… and the helicopters again.

 

No one would have ever thought it would go down like that. Ten minutes into the search James McCracken stormed out of his shelter, holding a pitchfork, aiming it at the next cop. With a primal scream and totally out of his mind he ran against a wall of men and women. Fifty-three bullets entered his body before he fell to the ground. Hundreds of cops had fired all at once.

 

One hell of work for the crime lab and Maura.

 

No one would ever known the matter for this action, reaction. But it looked like hell as he made a martyr of himself.  

 

They had found the girl all tied-up, scared to death and in shock but alive and physically unharmed.

 

They all trotted as one throng into headquarter, down the stairs into the lab. They all walked in there like in trance. Showing their badge to identify, firing a test shoot into the basin. Nobody was able to realize that this horror was over now, all acting like some machine on auto-pilot.

 

Every one of them stepping into the entrance hall again got welcomed with a salve of applause. The news had spread quickly… it may have been a totally overkill but no one cared…

 

If you had asked Jane a month ago she may had answered you that she wanted to have every criminal locked up behind bars, but this monster… no chance in hell for James McCracken to be certified insane, and get ever the chance to escape… probably it was better this way.

 

 

**Have a nice day 3**

 

 

 

   


	48. stag party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

**_Bringing his body into the morgue the possible last mistery was solved, underneath his clothes he wore a full divers suit, a hood with only cut-outs for the eyes, made of the same material, in his pocket. This and a pair of rubber gloves was obviously the reason for not one single evidence on the crime scene._ **

**Jane’s POV**

 

Barely a week after James McCracken had died an anonymously letter was addressed at me, waiting at my desk. Copies of written notes from therapy sessions.

_"The one with the voice. That was in my head ... That's what happens to everyone, that there are voices suddenly, they are also so in a dream ... I've talked to a colleague of mine whose wife died and it happened to him too. When he felt bad, he spoke to her and heard her voice. Or my mother ... ‘I know what the Lord bids,’ she used to say continuously. ‘I hear through him and see through him. And I see every sin this way ...’_

_"... The others who constantly want something from you - only you, is what they don’t want ... So it used to be, always. But if you ever need anything, then no one is there for you! - Here I have helped where I could, always made an effort, that they are happy, chauffeured them back and fort., I was always the first one to whom they came running, I've helped built their houses, in the neighbourhood I carried their shopping up the stairs... The old ones, they were still nice ... even if the others were mean. - I still helped.”_

_"I did not care. I helped, because there are so much help needed and I feel so terribly sorry for so many. Especially the little kids I feel sorry for."_

_"Yes. How they are treated"_

_"And then the animals of course, that are still handled the worst at all ... I had a dog, that is, I did not, my mother did not allow that, it was the dog from the neighbours, so a small one, and he came always over to me and we played together, he even crawled into bed with me. That my mother could of course not notice, my God. If my mother would’ve known that - and as we lay together in the pillow and got along so well, I talked to him, I have told him everything..."_

_"Everything that depressed me, what else… And you can laugh or not, he understood me. That was a real conversation. He was so nice and cute ... And then, then someone poisoned him..."_

_"I always wanted to be away. From everything. This was so as long as I can remember. My father, well, I have never known him, but then came the one my mother got married, it was really bad..."_

_"For me, he only was always ‘the man’. At first, he still talked with me, he tried to help me with homework ... He was scarily strict, but well, he talked ... But soon he stopped. At first they often fought about the things my mother did to me - and then he just looked at me like I was some sort of weird, disgusting animal, a toad or something... Yes, and then he was gone..."_

_“’My little Jamie-girl’ she always said. ‘You will be unlike any other women, not so mean, not so whorish…’”_

_"The worst was I could not even say anything to her, because then she would burst into tears. But I wanted to get away. Somewhere nice, where there were plants and forest or even a creek ... I took my bike and drove off. Then I sat down next to a tree and was just happy. Sometimes I also saw a rabbit or a bird ... And then..."_

_"There was just this voice. I called him Nemo."_

_“He understood me. Showed me where I belonged. Told me that I should not worry, when I would be bigger, more powerful, more important than all the bustle down there. - And then he said, 'Then you can take the one you want!'"_

_"Because ... because he wanted it this way…"_

I put it all into the case file. I was done with it, I didn’t need some anonymously therapist to tell me that James McCracken was a sick bastard, it only confirmed some of my presumptions. The only thing I was thankful for was that he was away from the streets and that we had managed to close this case before our wedding. I would have hated it very much to have a shadow over our day or postpone it, which would be the worst.

 

…

We had decided rather early that if there would be any stag party, it would not traditionally happen the night before our wedding. Nobody wants to see me sleep deprived. So after it was clear that my brothers and my partners had planned something, Maura decided to have a ‘spa day’ with both our mothers and Gia, extending the invitation towards her female lab staff.

 

The Robber shouldn’t have been that packed, after all it was a school-night. The only thing I asked for was not to drag me into a strip club or something ‘cause I have not interests in any other woman’s breasts in my face. Better safe than sorry, because I know the dirty mind at least of one of my brothers. Though I obviously didn’t get out of any embarrassment…

 

The picked me up at home and we walked the short distance over to the Robber. Walking in, probably the whole BPD was there. Planning on marrying just for once I would deal with whatever they had in store for me.

 

So I ended up in farraginous flare pants and a matching blouse, flower garland in my hair, blazing red sun glasses and some ridiculous yellow boots. A giant peace-pendant dangling from a leather strap down my neck. At least I wasn’t the only one, my brothers and partners ended up looking as silly as I did, if not crazier because of their afro-rugs. Though I would like to see Maura in one of those ABBA-outfits, she would make a great flower-power-girl.

 

I should have been prepared for probably the worst night of my life, payback is a bitch and obviously my brother and my partners had a lot of fun and I had obviously a lot to pay back for.

 

There was a bowl with rolled up lots. Game time… I didn’t know anything about this tradition but obviously I had to earn enough money to pay the bill at the end of the night…

 

During the first game I had to stand on a table, reading aloud the most embarrassing scenes of erotic novels with titles like ‘Slave to Sensation’, ‘Decadent’, ‘Passion’ and ‘Narcissus in Chains’ and my audience had to decide if I did it well enough or not.

 

With the second game they caught me off guard. I had to do an interview, sitting on a chair and answer random questions asked by anyone in the room. For any question I refused to answer I had to drink one shot of the worst booze I ever had. The first one had me nearly puking. It was strong like hell and tasted like ten year old sport socks of my brothers and if I didn’t want to end up hammered after five questions I had to rethink my boundaries.

 

The third game had me re-enact dancing scenes from Dirty Dancing, Fame and Flashdance with a very ugly exemplar of a blow-up doll.    

 

The fourth game I had to pose with one of the present people, exactly copying the first picture showing up on Google, searched after words that got randomly shouted through the Robber.

 

The next game would have humiliated me a lot if I hadn’t already drowned some of this shot’s.

 

Karaoke. Yes, payback will be a bitch. I can’t wait for the day any of them is going to get married. At least I wasn’t alone. Each of them had to sing a song with me.

 

Korsak: Up where we belong. Frankie: The time of my life. Tommy: I’m your Angel and Frost: I got you babe, which was the funniest ever because we switched genders. Frost as Cher was just hilarious.

 

While we performed the last song Maura and the other women joined us in the Robber. Maura offering to bail me out, Frost got the worst idea ever…

 

He jumped on a table and asked for everyone’s attention. If Maura was willing to do whatever he chose she would be allowed to bail me out.

 

A lap dance to Prince’s Kiss…

 

**Maura’s POV**

 

My first reaction seeing Jane is laughing. Jane and the guys are dressed in ridiculously clothes, looking like they were about to re-live Woodstock. The song they are singing I even know because whenever it is playing Jane will turn up the radio. Frankie is filming, Tommy and Vince obviously enjoying themselves.

 

Walking over to the bar to get something to drink I learned that they were torturing Jane for hours already and Angela explains to me that Jane has to earn enough money, doing whatever the others ask her, to cover the tab.

 

So I ask Barry if I could bail her out of it.

 

“Nah, what would be the fun of that?” he asks, looking at me for a moment, smirking mischievously, suddenly standing on the table next to me, asking for anyone’s attention.

 

“Well… Jane asked us to not drag her into a strip club, but Dr. Isles here wants to bail her fiancé out of her duties,” he turns towards me. “How about a lap dance?”

 

If looks could kill, Barry would have been dead in an instance.

 

“No. I would rather make a fool of myself for twenty-four more hours than that,” Jane growls at him. “You need to use your brain sometimes. The Chief Medical Examiner doing a lap dance in a crowed bar… Jeez Frost…”  

 

“I’ll do it,” Gia speaks up and grins at me. “I don’t have to work with those pervs on a daily base,” she adds giggling, leaning closer to me. “And I think Barry would like that though.”

 

It is not that I didn’t want to do it, but there are much too many people we work with in here and Jane is right, even though it is nothing work related it is unprofessional. Yet I am not sure if I can bear the sight of someone dry-humping Jane, cousin or not.

 

Gia’s hand covers mine and she winks at me. “How about we agree on a sign, when it gets too much for you, something low profile, like touching your left ear?”

 

All my concern was for nothing, it is fun as hell watching Jane squirming uncomfortable at first and after making sure that I’m okay she plays along. Much to the delight of all the cops, crowding the Robber. 

 

I always knew about my effect on others but I never have done something like this. I certainly will keep it in mind for the future. There will be definitively the right moment to try a lap dance in private.

 

Like promised, they let go of Jane for the rest of the night and we are free to enjoy a rather rare occasion of having a party. So I end up bare feet on one of the seats, Jane holding me close, my back to her front.

 

Never in my life I’ve seen my parents being carefree like that. Being around a bunch of Rizzoli’s has not only changed my life… Maybe we all needed some to show us what we miss every day.

 

The first tunes of the next song had Jane groaning, glaring at Barry like she wants to eat him alive.

 

“Of course you would do that…,” she growls at him. I don’t know many songs, just a few Jane uses to listen too, but the first words have me known why… ‘Baby Jane’

 

The next song starts with a guitar and I feel Jane grin against my neck before she kisses me softly, starting to sing along directly into my ear, swaying us from side to side.

 

Don't know much about history,  
don't know much biology.  
Don't know much about a science book,  
don't know much about the French I took.  
But I do know that I love you,  
and I know that if you love me, too,  
what a wonderful world this would be.  
Don't know much about geography,  
don't know much trigonometry.  
Don't know much about algebra,  
don't know what a slide rule is for.  
But I know that one and one is two,  
and if this one could be with you,  
what a wonderful world this would be.  
Now I don't claim to be an 'a' student,  
but i'm tryin' to be.  
For maybe by being an 'a'-student, baby,  
I can win your love for me.  
Don't know much about history,  
don't know much biology.  
Don't know much about a science book,  
don't know much about the French I took.  
But I do know that I love you,  
and I know that if you love me, too,  
what a wonderful world this would be.  
But I do know that I love you,  
and I know that if you love me, too,  
what a wonderful world this would be.

 

Maybe I am coming to like other kind of music a little more over the time. I like classic a lot but I am learning that there is much more outside but simple noise like metal. ‘Stairways to heaven’ may be a song I can listen to sometimes, but otherwise I can not agree with her choice of Led Zeppelin. Though sometimes I think she may just play it more often because I dislike it so much.

 

I tend to think that she has an affirmation for ‘70s music in general. Last week I caught her dancing through the kitchen to an ABBA song, making breakfast, but I think that goes not very well with her bad ass attitude.

 

“You know this song is holding a lot of irony, she was married five times,” she whispers, which only proofs my speculation, it’s more of a country song, something I never heard her listen to before.

 

 “Hey Frost, can you manage to pull up We’ve got tonight, but performed by Martina McBride?” He winks at her and starts typing.

 

“Would you do me the honor of dancing with me Maura?” Yes. Of course I do. Dancing with Jane comes right after kissing her in my list of favourites. She helps me down from the seat.

 

I know it´s late, I know you´re weary    
I know your plans don´t include me   
Still here we are, both of us lonely   
Longing for shelter from all that we see   
Why should we worry, no one will care  
Look at the stars now so far away 

  
We´ve got tonight   
Who needs tomorrow?   
We´ve got tonight babe  
Why don´t you stay?   
  
Deep in my soul, I´ve been so lonely   
All of my hopes, fading away   
I´ve longed for love, who like everyone else does   
I know I´ll keep searching, after today   
  
We´ve got tonight   
Who needs tomorrow?   
We´ve got tonight babe  
Why don´t we stay?   
  
I know it´s late, I know you´re weary   
I know your plans don´t include me   
Still here we are, both of us lonely   
Both of us lonely  
  
We´ve got tonight   
Who needs tomorrow?   
Let´s make it last   
Let´s find a way   
Turn out the lights  
Come take my hand now   
We´ve got tonight babe  
Why don´t we stay?   
We´ve got tonight babe  
Why don´t we stay?

 

I never knew there were so many beautiful songs out there and I love Jane even more for showing me this side of hers.

 

Well past midnight we decide to walk the short distance, my parents staying in the hotel we had booked. Tomorrow we will meet for lunch with all of Jane’s relatives, attending our wedding.

 

“I think I had enough alcohol…“

 

“You don’t seem drunk to me Jane,” I look at her closely. No, a little tipsy maybe.

 

“I didn’t mean it like that… let’s do it.”

 

Confusion. “Let’s do what?”

 

“There are 24/7 sex shops in Boston, aren’t there?”

 

“I… what…,” then it dawned on me. “Jane there is nobody gonna proof if we fulfilled the request and even if… what they are going to do anyway… force us?”

 

“Na… but maybe… maybe we should just try it. What’s the matter anyway… there is no reason to be ashamed with each other… we are good, established.”

 

I stop her in the middle of the sidewalk, kissing her gently. “We are,” I breathe against her lips.

 

“Look it up on your phone Maura. I’ll catch a cap in the meanwhile.”

 

R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I * R&I

 

“Are you or I…”

 

“Don’t know… maybe we should draw a straw,” she suggests, laughing, looking at me “Yeah straws… because comparing the size of our tits would left me definitive as a looser… every time.”

 

I laugh. Jane is some piece of work sometimes… she’s complicated when it comes to sex. Not in general… she has her rules. Never mention her or my parents having sex, or her siblings for that matter, don’t talk about it if someone is going to listen… but otherwise she is anything but prude.

 

Beside the million other reasons, I couldn’t have been better off with her as my partner, my lover, my wife… in less than forty-eight hours.

 

I toss the elegantly looking paper bag onto our bed, retrieving a match box out of my nightstand, breaking one of it, holding my hand up for her to pick.

 

She groans. “Of course…,” showing me the shorter part. “I told you I would be the guy,” she smiles mischievously. “So… how do we do that?” She is nervous, regardless how confident she fakes to be.

 

I walk over to her, pulling her head down for a kiss, starting to slowly unbuttoning her shirt. I don’t plan for it to go as some kind of scientific experiment. However, if we are going to like it or not in the end, I know it will be nothing less than a sensual experience like everything that happens between the two of us and I am going to do my very best on my part.

 

As her last button is finally open I slowly kiss down her front, going down on my knees, my lips fondling the soft skin between her belly button and the waistband. My fingers searching for her belt buckle, slowly pulling out the strap from her loops, snapping it open and work on her jeans buttons.

 

Shoving her pants down in nearly slow motion I kiss every inch of skin being revealed, helping her out of it along with her sneakers I make my way up again, back to undressing her shirt furthermore. Leaving her only in bra and panties I rather feel than hear the zipper of my dress. Starting to walk us backwards until my calves hit the bed frame I pull her down with me gently, similar shoving the paper bag over the edge, landing with an soft thud on the thick carpet.

 

Her palms softly cup my bra clad breasts, tender thumbs lightly caressing the swells on my chest. We didn’t break our kiss for once. My hands come to rest flat on her shoulder blades, feeling her muscles moving. Dear God… this woman is sheer perfection. Even if we would have made love hundred times a day for the last one and a half year I never would be sated, never have had enough of her.

 

My hands slowly sliding down, unhinging the hooks of her bra I peel the straps down her arms, disrobing it while I turn us around, breaking the seal of our lips I treat every spot on her front like it’s the most expensive and rarest gift. Which it is, exactly… at least in my opinion.

 

Kissing down, another time, the skin between belly button and waistband I carefully pull her panties down her legs, peppering her pubic with small, soft pecks. Without her noticing it I get myself even, throwing bra and thong somewhere behind me. When I lay down fully on top of her again I fumble the box out of the paper bag, bringing it up onto the mattress again. Snapping open both hinges I feel around without letting my attention surcease from her.

 

Never breaking our kiss, not spending much thoughts to it we work together. Rizzoli and Isles; clockwork. Bringing up the belt she grips it, holding it in place for me while I use only one hand to fix the carefully chosen, black phallus to it. It is the furthest away from true to original without looking like some ridiculous children’s toy.

 

“Jane…,” I whisper her name. “You want me to attach the other one too?” I feel her nod slightly and so it’s done.

 

Not much moving I carefully, inch by inch, bring the belt in between our bodies, letting the material getting warmed up by our own heat. In the end, after all, we settled for a black leather belt… it doesn’t matter the slightest what it is going to look like.

 

Jane takes my hand, showing me she is as ready as she can be, moving between us while I lift myself just the necessary amount. I hold onto the shaft on the inside of the belt, gathering some of Jane’s fluids at the tip, carefully sliding inside her. I feel her swallowing, although they are both gentle in size, six and four point five inches, I not lower it down to the hilt.

 

The sensation of being penetrated with anything but two fingers of mine was at least more than two years ago. We have all the time in the world… She spreads her legs and my knees come to rest in between, propping my self up a bit on them, she lifts her pelvis for me to arrange the belt, backside. Sinking back down I use the moment to fix the front. Without the need to voice it, she holds onto the left buckle while I pull the strap through it, fixing it… repeating the same procedure on the other side. Pressing my hips down I help the last half of an inch moving into her. Readjusting the belt.

 

The last time our lips weren’t connected was the last time I had said anything, propping up on my knees, still kissing we move higher on the mattress. Jane sitting up, her back against the headboard. We intertwine our fingers, palm to palm and I straddle her. This time it is Jane reaching for the wooden box. Knowing what she is searching for I catch her hand, guiding it between my legs. There is definitely no need for any kind of lubricant.

 

I reach down to the hilt, wrapping my fingers around the shaft, pressing it softly against her. The sharp intake of breath tells me that she is able to feel even the lowest move. I lift myself a bit on my shins, scooting higher with my fingers, this time I gather some of my body fluids before I receive her first inch inside of me. My fingers search hers again and as we lace them together I gently, but in a single motion lower down on her.

 

I release the breath I didn’t know I was holding. It is the first time that Jane breaks our kiss.

 

“Maura…,” her voice is hoarse and so low. “That’s stupid but… I can feel you,” she whispers.

 

And she’s right… regardless how stupid it may sound she indeed can feel me and I could explain how it works, but I can feel her too and no physically explanation will work the magic of our connection, our closeness.

 

“I can feel you too, baby… I can feel you too.”

 

I sit completely still, only tensing and relaxing my pelvis muscles and it is a beautiful sensation. Different! Different from what we normally share. Different from any sex I have had before her. I truly didn’t miss it to have sex with a man, how could you possible anyway, having someone like Jane as your lover. That wouldn’t prevent me from enjoying this moment, enjoying Jane inside of me.

 

I start to move lightly, back and forth… just a tiny bit, rolling my hips against her.

 

“You okay baby?” I whisper against her lips.

 

I know it isn’t easy for her. She is the one, who has to deal with all the clichés on a daily base. She is the one, who gets called ‘the guy’ and ‘pussy wiped’, I had to Google it after hearing an officer muttering that under his breath at a crime scene. She is the one who has to stand how some of them dragging our love life through the mire, making it dirty and disgusting. She is the one who has to stand all the things they say about me, all the disgusting ways of how they would show me what it is to have a real man between my legs.

 

I rarely get addressed with something like this and Barry told me why. They are intimidated and afraid of the Queen of the Death. I know Jane doesn’t listen to them. I know she knows there is nothing dirty or nasty or disgusting about our love for each other.

 

She never seems to be bothered by them, annoyed, bored but it never seems to stress her, but I wish I could make them so afraid of me that they would just stop talking. I wish I could shut them all up. Sometimes I want to stand there in the middle of the hall and scream at them all. Scream that all the ‘real men’ I had, however handsome or nice, however equipped they were, failed to satisfy me in one way or another.

 

It would be in vain anyway and with each passing day the whispers get lesser and lesser. As well thanks to people close to us, telling them over and over that it isn’t even funny anymore to tell the same bad jokes every day.

 

She nods and resumes back to kissing me.  

 

Those sexy abs moving against me, her fingertips so tender on my skin. It makes me sad that there is the faint underlying feeling of shame, shame for enjoying her this way. My self-confidence crumbles. Maybe we shouldn’t have done this. Suddenly I am sure I am going to destroy something in her… _Jeez Isles, getting cold feet… you and your emotional drama._

 

Suddenly there is her raw voice at my ear. “What do you need to let go Maura? Stop thinking and start feeling. I am here. I know you can feel me and I want you to let go and enjoy.”

 

I just look at her.

 

“I made my peace baby. Don’t feel ashamed. That’s me inside you, nothing else matters.”

 

I wrap my hands around her biceps, pulling myself closer to her and her deeper inside me. Her palms simultaneously slide onto my bottom cheeks, the motion automatically wrapping us much more close together. The soft kisses all over my neck forces my head to fall back, I wrap my arms around her, my right one against her nape and the left palming her skull at the hairline.

 

Feet flat on the mattress she pulls her knees up, leaning forward until I feel her thighs in my back. Her fingertips slide slowly over both sides of my hips to the front, before she pulls her body away from mine, leaning against the headboard again. Gaze locked I feel the pads of her fingers tingling over ever inch of my skin. My nails raking gently over her abs, up and down. Not only she likes the feather-light scrapping but I also get weak in the knees anytime I touch her uniquely defined but not rock-hard six pack.

 

It is still feminine, though if she would focus her training a little more on her abs it could easily become an incredible defined eight pack, the tendency is already given. I would love her however she comes but I find it much sexier that her abdominal muscles are the perfect mix of firm- and softness.   

 

Sheer perfection… I can’t think or say it often enough.

 

She has not moved her hips once, giving up control to me, entirely. Although you can definitively not deny the fact that we are performing the ultimate of a sexual act this is more about learning, endearments, emotions, bonding and love.   

 

I was not entirely sure if I would reach climax this way, because I only once in my life was able to achieve vaginal orgasm due only penetration, if it wasn’t provided by Jane’s fingers or on my own and for sure it wasn’t a result of quality because I had more than once sex with Ian. It was more likely the thrill of newness, a lean period and a matter of the angle.

 

Having Jane inside of me is nothing comparable to a quick and heated fuck, half-drunk, bend over, on my hands and knees, in a small tent in a war-zone. I never felt the need to repeat it, like he never had me come again without clitoral stimuli. To not excoriate him entirely I have to state that he has quite the talented lingua in his mouth. Though also nothing in comparison to Jane’s…

 

But I shouldn’t have raised the question in the first place because reaching climax with Jane was never an issue and never a matter of physically pleasure.

 

Rolling my hips slowly, fingertips drawing burning paths on my skin, shivers running down my spine in waves, goose bumps making my skin more sensitive, so much it nearly starts to hurt.

 

“Maura,” Jane breathes my name. I want to beg her to say it again and again. Hearing her whispering my name is like a promise, like a prayer and it never looses its effect.

 

I pull myself up again, I need contact, more contact. Though I need to be careful, I can not leave scratch marks on her back. I am not ashamed of what she can do to me. If it were appropriated I would shout it from the roof top of the head quarter, but with the style of her dress it would embarrass her…

 

My elbows come to rest on top of her shoulders and I sink my fingers into her hair, pulling her head closer, kissing her, softly nibbling on her lower lip before our tongues meet inside of her mouth.

 

I feel my moans vibrating through my throat. Our eyes meet.

 

I am thankful we waited this long to try it. She was right, we are established. There will be no insecurities about lacking any anatomy, no confusion or bad feelings. I can see in her face what she told me. She had made her peace. It is just another way for us to be intimate with each other, nothing more…

 

Oh how I don’t miss those frantically movements, the grunts, the sound of them slapping against me, or them looking down, like they are obsessed with the sight of their penis disappearing inside of me, like it would get them off faster. I so don’t miss to have a man on top of me.

 

There are times I beg her to fuck me but she never treats me less than her queen.

 

I can feel my breath being reflected from her face, I feel her nostrils blare against my own. I can’t even remember why I was ever afraid to fall so deeply in love with someone. I push against the mattress, rising myself just an inch, sliding back down slowly.

 

Her breathing changes and I know that she is close, going back to just rolling my hips I feel her hands palming my bottom again, gently encouraging me to go on.

 

Jane’s hot breath against my face, the sounds leaving her throat, the fact that she is there with me, her naked body pressed against mine, putting my pleasure always over her own, spellbinding.

 

“You are so beautiful,” her raspy voice is my completely undoing. The sudden explosion of my climax has me jerking once and I push down hard, taking her in as deep as possible and she falls over the edge with me.

 

I sag against her, collapsing into her arms, clinking to her like she is my lifeline. I keep moving very slowly, drawing out both our orgasms.  

 

I roll to the side, pulling her with me, coming to rest across our bed, her being still inside me, the movement makes me shutter once again. I cradle her face in my hands while our kiss still is unbroken.

 

Being calmed down enough I slowly caress her calf up and down with my right foot. I moan rather loudly and my palms slap down on her shoulder blades as she jerks, pushing deeper inside me.

 

I wrap my legs around her, my ankles coming to rest just underneath her bottom cheeks.

 

 

 


	49. The wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes are on me ;)
> 
> See Author's Note (Chapter one)

 

_**I wrap my legs around her, my ankles coming to rest just underneath her bottom cheeks.** _

 

_The safe knowledge that your family loves you is not measured by the things they say but do._

_It is one father of the bride sacrificing his right to replace after the first dance, because the other bride’s father sees no need in attending his daughters wedding._

_You could laugh and say it matches a female same-sex wedding that this credit belongs to both bride’s mothers now._

_For the same reason all of them were happy with the fact that you didn’t want to do it classically._

_No walking down the aisle, being handed off to each other by the father of the bride._

_No best man or bridesmaids because your better half has no one to do that job beside your own mothers._

_You would expect a spectacular wedding from and for a woman of her status… spectacular yes, but different spectacular._

_R &I R&I R&I     R&I R&I R&I     R&I R&I R&I_

 

**Maura’s POV**

 

Jane’s mother had suggested a wedding carriage, not entirely bad, but not the right thing for us. We had spent countless hours in bed over the past months, looking up different wedding traditions, between making love and sleeping. Although I am not very Irish, it is part of my genes and Jane had insisted we looked at it as well as at Italian’s.

 

This way we had decided for a white horse we would share, to bring us both from our home over to Boston Public. My dream wedding, I had once shared with Jane, was nothing but that, the dream of a little girl. I would marry Jane on the sidewalk next to a dumpster. I may fancy some finer things in life but being with the love of my life is the only thing I really need.

 

There are some traditions we sanctify but they are also mixed up through all countries. We would wear something new, something blue, something old and something borrowed. We even spent our last night apart from each other. We both wore green clothes yesterday and there would be the mandatory smashing of a glass while we will share our first kiss as a married couple and we would wear our wedding band on the right hand, but there are also traditions we don’t want.

 

There is no ripping off the veil; none of us is wearing one and there will be definitively no ‘not seeing the bride before the altar’ tradition. We dress in different rooms though, but we had chosen our dresses together. A very nice weekend in New York, with both our mothers, shopping for them.

 

At first Angela was not entirely delighted by the fact, but to my very surprise Jane had argued, very convincingly, that this tradition was rather stupid as most couples got divorced anyway. But the greatest surprise was Jane whispering into my ear, seconds away from a well satisfying climax, that she wanted to wear a dress herself, a real, feminine, tailored wedding dress.

 

This was nothing to the moment she settled for a dress and I am more than glad that I know what is coming because I cried my eyes out for half an hour. If I thought Jane was beautiful before I don’t know how to call her in that dress.

 

The underskirt is white tulle, embroidered vines. Her strapless dress is white silk on front, side and the back down past her bottom. Tailored in a bow on the back it is finished with white and golden roses lined up at the seam. Her corsage is highlighted with the same embroideries like the skirt, on front white silk, the sides see through also embroidered, though flowers here and the back is laced with golden cords and I can barely breath, seeing her walking back into our bedroom.

 

The task of finding my own dress was rather difficult. There were many nice dresses, but I didn’t want to go with nice and the one I am wearing now wouldn’t have been my first choice if it wasn’t for my mother and Jane. Well my mother simply suggesting it, it was Jane’s dropped jaw what made me going for it. It rather looks like the dress for some royalty wedding.

 

White silk as basic, ruffed panels of golden tulle fabrics running from the midriff down, ending into a rose at the seam of the dress. The corsage rather shows off more skin that I am used to. White lace, also with embroidered vines and flowers, it barely covers my breasts and not much more but who I am to deny my beautiful very-soon-to-be wife anything?

 

Although I am not one to guess I think especially the corset did it for her and looking into the mirror I have to say I am more than pleased. A unique dress for a unique wedding, what else is there to say… But like I said, it doesn’t matter. Nothing of it matters. It could be storming and raining, it could be freezing instead of becoming 84.9°F today. The caterer could dump us or the flowers couldn’t match the colors we choose…

 

All what really matters is me becoming Mrs. Jane Rizzoli in a little about two hours.

 

Our mothers had left after helping us getting dressed and after the hairstylist had left too we are basket into the silence of our home. We wanted to be alone, enjoying our time until we need to leave.

 

I take her hand and pull her over to me, leaning down she kisses me long and tender. Sitting down I get ready to apply her make-up. We both decided not to wear much of it. Pale pink colored lip gloss and definitively no mascara, in sake of not looking like a panda bear later. While I apply my very own make up she stands behind me, her fingertips softly caressing the top of my shoulders, my nape and neck. A steady smile is gracing both our faces. We had waited long enough for this day to come.

 

Tomorrow around this time I hopefully will still be stark naked, heavenly sore, grinning like a fool and married, snuggled into Jane in our bed. In our martial bed, to be correctly!

 

Snapping my make-up shut I meet her eyes in the mirror before she leans down, her nose sliding along my neck, a brief nod answered with its perfect copied counterpart I stand. Clasping our hands together we leave to start a new chapter in life together.

 

Jane normally one to snort, being helped to mount the back of a horse, smiles rather brightly at the young man offering his hand as she climbs the stepladder, coming to sit like a real cowboy, despite her dress, and holds her hand out to me. I am the one side saddled, her arms around me we both hold the reins together. Thanking Ryan again he droves off to welcome the beautiful white stud back at Boston Common. We had spent a lot of time finding a farm, allowing us to take this ride in the intimacy of being only the two of us. Thankfully we had found one in Dover. We had visited Lion Spring Farm constantly, to get to know the Loebelenz-family and of course to get to know Cassiopeia.

 

Our house being located right in the middle between Brimmer Street and Mt. Vernon Square, we decided for Brimmer Street, as it would lead us directly to Public Garden. The only ‘company’ in the broadest sense where two Officers from the police riding team, trotting slowly fifteen yards ahead of us. They had requested Captain James Hasson, Commander of the District, by themselves, to be aloud to volunteer after we had registered the event of our wedding taking place in Public Garden.

 

Probably I should be nervous. I am, but in a different way. There are no thoughts of being tied or stuck, of loosing my independence, not giving up on something. The truth is we don’t need to get married. It wouldn’t change anything, though it changes everything.

 

I never fitted, I never belonged and although I feel secure in Jane’s love and loyalty, her devotion for me, sealing the marriage covenant is that, a bond. Bound for life! If it wasn’t for Jane, these words wouldn’t hold any meanings.

 

Yes, I had accepted a proposal once before, but it was the idea of someone asking me to marry them and not the meaning of marriage.

 

There is no illusion of people stop hitting at your partner, because of a wedding band. There is not such a thing as becoming immortally, because someone is waiting for you. It doesn’t stop illness, fights, tears, disappointments.

 

Marrying Jane simply means to tie the bond we share even tighter, the ultimate commitment of both our souls to each other.

 

Leaning closer to Jane, feeling her heartbeat on my skin I know I am home, with or without a ring, wherever we are.

 

“You know it’s not too late to elope, hop on a plane to Vegas and get married by Elvis,” she whispers into my ear. I laugh about the stupid dream I had three days ago. Just having reached the park I stop the horse and turn my head to her. Cupping her face with my left hand and pour every ounce of love I have into this kiss.

 

With our lips still connected, we stay another minute there, softly caressing each others faces, gaze locked.

 

“Let’s go before they think we bolted,” she whispers, giving me another quick kiss. They are all already seated when we arrive. Ryan helps Jane down and she reaches for me, gliding directly in her waiting arms. Turning around we both have to laugh at all the faces staring at us.  

 

I had surprised myself. Usually I was one to get nervous, hectically, all the more planning an event as important as our wedding, but I wasn’t. The first touch of our lips had split me into two very different persons.

 

Dr. Isles, the chief medical examiner, the professional, the scientist, the voice of reason; never drifting away from trail. Not for Jane, not for anybody and Maura; the woman so crazy in love that suddenly a wedding wasn’t an event anymore, no longer needing perfection. Yes, it had cost a lot of money and yes, we had chosen only the best, but it wasn’t about showing off. It was all about having fun and a good time, no pressure only joy.

 

For all those who took time to look, it was the same with Jane. Yes, she was sometimes grumpy and we tend to bitch a lot at work, but it was how it works. Jane is a detective with her heart and soul and it doesn’t matter to her that it takes time to proof evident, all that matters is that the evident is air-tide and that the bad guys are going to jail, how she comes there is secondarily.

 

Though people could say that she may be an ass sometimes, I love her for it. I could never be mad at her for caring and honestly I enjoy the bickering, sometimes I even need it. I know she listens to everything I have to say and it is a game we play, to keep each other on our toes. We would lose our fire if it were any different.

 

Walking down the white carpet, hand in hand, I feel safe, though gaining so much attention. It never occurred so clear to me how much this wedding will change. Even if I never felt like an outsider with Jane’s family, her closest family, I am becoming a legally member to all seventy-five present Rizzoli’s, Mazzini’s, Torres’s, Mazzone’s and Perri’s. My family takes up exactly two seats; my parents.

 

My grandparents had died all before I had reached the age of six and only my father has a brother I don’t even know. My father’s family wasn’t exactly happy that he gave up his name when my parents got married.

 

In times past I had thought about that it will be sad to have only two people sitting there but it isn’t, all of our guests are family to me, one way or another. All of my employees, the whole lab is there. All members of Homicide, Lieutenant Cavenaugh and a few from other devices, mostly the Lieutenants and some who had worked with Jane, all dressed in their uniform.

 

Uniform; before Jane had announced to wear a dress I had asked her if she maybe wanted to wear her uniform. She may complain about how it looks on her but I find it rather sexy and it had stirred one or two fantasies. No logical explanation is going to prevent you from sex appeal. Uniform from pillar to post, her dress has definitively the greater sex appeal…

 

The marriage registrar, Joel Wilson, was fairly young, but really nice and we had dearly enjoyed all the meetings before.

 

“Dear Maura, dear Jane, I may be still young but I have already seen and performed my share of weddings, and ceremonies like yours are special, because you are special. As you both walked into my office for the first time I knew I wanted to do this, even before one of you had spoken a single word. You may thing I say this every time I marry a couple but the truth is; I never met a couple like you. It isn’t what you share with the outerworld, what you tell with words. It is what you tell with your glances, your body language. Anyone spending a minute of time in a room with you both will agree with me that you are made for each other.

 

At the first look you seem so very different but already the second look made me realize that only together you are complete. Imagine my smile as I got to know the engraving of your rings. ‘Tu es ma moitié’ ‘sei la mia metá’ ‘you complete me’.

 

Live may not always be carefree but with a pure conscience and the trust in both of you I am going to stand back.”

 

I had though Jane would be nervous to pour her heard in front of all those people, but she didn’t even clear her throat. Her voice strong and confidently.   

 

“I will build you a bed of roses, walls made of glossy paper, the room has a golden floor

and the rainbow will end right in front of you. All the windows will face south, overlooking the sparkling sea. I will even out the waves each day and dive after sunken dreams. Swap longing for mother of pearl, laughing and crying over you, always having a trick up my sleeve that stands.

 

Fulfilling your every desire, even earlier if you want, be available day and night, discreet and holding still. Drowning the boring gray down the sink, doubt I will nip in the bud. For you it will rain star coins every day and you might be vainer than the sun. Let the air crackle for you, building dream castles in the red of the dawn. Tolerating only the best around you, the bad will be outright dishonoured. Heartbreak fed to the doves of peace, problems will be swept under the flying carpet.

 

I promise you nothing but love, when the water is up to your neck. In shattered times I am going to spread out a net for you, place myself into the storm until the wind turns.

 

You made me a better person and whatever impossible I need to do I am going to make it happen.

 

*Tu sei quella a che stavo aspettando. I love you Maura and I am going to ask you if you are willingly going to spend the rest of our lives with me, for better or for worse?” 

 

“I do.”

 

I squeeze her hand and chant in my mind that I am not going to cry. We both didn’t share our vows before today and though it probably will not make much sense for others, it does for me. Jane’s way of laying down the world to my feet, her way of telling me I can be whatever I want. I take a deep breath, feeling both of her hands in mine, the never breaking gaze giving me enough courage.                 

 

“There was a time in my life I thought I didn’t need anyone. I had given up on the idea of belonging. I hid myself behind science and work, behind clothes and achievements until you walked into my life and crushed my tediously built up walls down like the hurricane you are. You made me a better person. You showed me the beauty in other things than expensive art and knowledge. You made me breath for the first time in my life.    

 

I am not going to promise you a rose garden, we both know too well that there is not such a thing, but whatever it takes I am willing to do it. I promise you to love you as hard and as much as I can and I promise you that your love will always be enough. There will always be another day and I am going to fight for it until my last heartbeat. Because our love will conquer it all.

 

*Vous êtes celui que j'ai attendu pour. I love you Jane and I am going to ask you if you are willingly going to spend the rest of our lives with me, for better or for worse?” 

 

“I do.”

 

Lilly, Frankie’s little princess, proudly carries the white pillow with our rings bound to it.

 

Jane picks up my ring first. “Sei la mia metá,” she whispers while slipping it on my finger.

 

“Tu es ma moitié,“ I breathe back, repeating Jane’s prior action on her own hand.

“I now proudly pronounce you married,” we pick up the crystal glass Joel is holding out to us and then everything turns into totally silence. All I can see is Jane and only the sound of her breathing and my own heartbeat is audible for me.

 

I feel her palms cupping my jaw and our faces move closer like in slow motion. We have kissed more than a million times before but the contact of our lips feels like the very first time. Like an explosion, an electrical shock. We never talked about the kiss. A lot of couples may waste time to plan it and if you would have asked me before, I may have answered that it should be ‘appropriated’.

 

I think every plan would have been in vain. It all came naturally and it is the first time we share a ‘one and only kiss’ in public. Tough it is tender and gentle, it is also deep and meaningful; making my knees weak and my stomach doing summersaults. Our tongues softly caressing each others, mostly inside of Jane’s mouth, she shields our faces with her left hand. Breaking apart for a split second we press our lips together again, just touching, for everyone to see and it feels like I am going to faint.

 

*“Per cent’anni,” Frankie shouts jumping from his seat and the rest of our guest answer *“Evviva.” Still in a lip-lock we smash the crystal glass onto the steps of the pavilion and the sound is drowned in applause.

 

The count of pieces, the glass is smashed into, shows the year’s of being happy together, they say, though there is no counting needed because crystal tends to shatter into million pieces, not literary of course.

 

Having our guests staying at the Boston Park Plaza, because it is the closest to our location our mothers had a very stressful morning. Hosting an extensive breakfast for our guests, including our work colleagues, leaving for about an hour it all to my father and Gia, to come over to help us getting ready only to head back again and lead the small walk over into Public Garden.

 

Jane had stayed the night in the guesthouse and I had slept in the guestroom with my mother only to being surprised by my sneaky detective waiting in our bed this morning, as I headed for the shower. Well and what a surprise that was; she had ordered a [floral](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/floral.html) [arrangement](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/arrangement.html) of fruits for breakfast, nearly too beautiful to eat.

To keep our wedding as informal as possible we had decided for a late-morning wedding, having extensive breakfast, the ceremony, the wedding cake, lunch around 2 p.m. and from 5 p.m. on an open-end buffet with mostly finger food, all of it in the wide open of the park.

 

So while we got hugged and received congratulations from everyone, champagne was handed out to our guests and as we had worked us into the middle of the seating area our cake was brought.

 

We had decided for a simply white frosting with sugar pearls round the edge, white and different shades of pink roses of marzipan, trailing from the top like a vine. Six-tier, each in a different flavor. 

          

“Put your hand on mine I’m kind of like the idea that everyone thinks I’m totally whipped.”

 

Leaning closer to her I smile and whisper back. “You are whipped, baby.”

 

Jane chuckles lightly and hums. “Mhhh, kinda like it and so are you.”

 

Her left and my right thumb next to each other on the handle and beneath it our fingers intertwine, so the knife comes to rest between us, without anyone dominating, we hand out the cake and after everyone watches us feeding each other the first bite their attention quickly turns to their own cake and conversations.

 

Jane and I are giggling in our own bubble, trying both to catch the other off guard to smear some cake in our faces. As our eyes meet the urge to kiss her is suddenly so strong that it leaves me breathless. My eyes lock with hers I take the plate from Jane’s right hand and drop it blindly on the table beside us, wrapping my arms around her neck I pull her down into a searing kiss. Not caring for even a second if anyone is watching us.  

 

I don’t know for how long we keep kissing but only the third try to get our attention is noticed as such. My mother smirking, announcing the photographer is waiting for us. Something I was looking forward to.

 

I never really understood the sentiment of people calling their wedding day one of the best days of their live though now I can say that our wedding day will be forever one of my best days in life.

 

I enjoy the photo shot very much, at first we take the family picture, having the rest taken in the intimacy between only us and the photographer. The first picture we take with Jane leaning against a wall, her left leg bend, foot coming to rest against the bricks pulling me close to her we lean in to kiss. The second is made in the same place, only Jane’s hands shaping a heart at the small of my back.

 

Third is only a picture of our right hands, with the wedding bands, resting against the wall. We move over to a tree, Jane facing it I wrap my arms around her, pressing my forehead between her shoulder blades. Next I am resting with my back against the bark, Jane’s right above my head, the left on my waist, noses touching, looking at each other. But my very favourite is me lying down in the grass on my back, Jane coming to rest on her left side, feet into the other direction, her face above me, scooting her nose along mine and the next picture I love as much as the one before. Still lying on my back Jane is sitting backwards on a chair, standing above my waist, chin leaning on her forearms, looking down at me. The last three is of us dancing.

 

Dead on two o’clock lunch is served, also in form of a buffet. Having an Italian family to feed, we kept it traditional Italian… as much as possible from everything. After the meal we mingle a little, talking to aunts and uncles, cousins and other relatives. We had welcomed them all at lunch in the hotel yesterday and most of them I had met for the first time.

 

Jane called some of them really crazy but there was no one I disliked the slightest bit. Even those related to Frank were nothing but nice and kind and despite the fact I didn’t condone what he had done lately, he had never been unkind towards me and his family was definitively not responsible for it.

 

Shy to five p.m. the caterer started to fix the dinner buffet while Barry, Frankie and Tommy open up the walls to the marquee, comprising a rather huge, wooden dance floor. They arrange the armchairs and [chaises](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/chaises.html) [longues](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/longues.html) partly inside the tent, partly onto the grass. 

 

That’s when Angela got a microphone into her fingers and I hear Jane groan loudly beside me, nudging her with my elbow.

 

“I will kiss it better,” whispering into her ear. It was the part Jane dreaded the most.

 

“Some of you may think it was hard for me to accept this relation, this alliance. Italians of my age are mostly raised deeply religious and I am. We went to church every Sunday and I and also all of my kids went to a catholic school but there is a difference between faith and church.

 

Church calls it a sin, abnormally, even disgusting but have a look yourself. How can you look at this and call it disgusting? How can love ever be abnormally? My mother taught me that values like love and family are more worth than anything ever could be and that church needs to let go of their outdated ideology. Of course when I thought about the future of my daughter I saw her marring a man, becoming a mother but one morning a little about a year ago I happened to walk into her bedroom and I found this two sleeping and I never saw something more beautiful in my life.

 

Though I was embarrassed, not because of the fact that I knew as well as all of you probably know what had happened the night before, but about the fact that my daughter obviously felt the need to hide. I learned that she didn’t but in this moment I asked myself what kind of mother my daughter thought I was. I knew beforehand that this both were so close to each other but I realised that Jane loves Maura the moment she bolt from her bedroom and disrespected me for the first time in her life. She was standing there and fought for Maura like I would fight for any of my children. Jane didn’t even wait for me to say something, she just exploded and I never could be angry about it, because I know what it means to love someone more than life itself.

 

I love Maura like any of my biologically children, even before my daughters became a couple. I know any of them is independent and strong but only together they are complete. Jane was never an unhappy person but only when Maura is with her she grows beyond herself. I am thankful to call you, Maura, family and I know you two will go down in history.”

 

She walks over to us, kissing us both but before she can get too emotional my fathers voice rings out.

 

“The first time Jane really impressed me was as she dared to set my wife straight, though I didn’t even know her back then. Don’t get me wrong, Constance is the love of my life but mostly she puts the fear of God into people she meets.” My father leans down to kiss my mother while the rest of us chuckle about his very accurate picture of Constance Isles.

 

“The second time she impressed me as she had the guts to walk into our house and only knowing me for just two hours she did me the honor of asking for Maura’s hand in marriage.

 

Well… this may sound archaically for the most of you and I am sure that she would have disobeyed if I had refused my approval but it meant the world to me. She knew very well that we were not the parents children dream of, but still she showed me respect and decency and I know it had cost her a lot of courage to do so.

 

I know there are a lot of people out there, shaking their heads in disbelief, thinking that my girl would be better of with a man of her standards but let me tell you that these two are going to proof you wrong, they proof you wrong since the moment they became friends and even more since they became a couple. Jane and her family is the best that ever happened to my daughter and I will be forever thankful for that.”

 

He looks directly at us. “I won’t get caught up in empty phrases because I know you two will make the best of it, whatever life has in store for you.”  

 

I hadn’t known about Jane proposing to my father and being fair I had never thought she would do such a thing. Though she is the one going with her guts it’s never a safe thing to assume anything about Jane. She will surprise you every time.

 

“You all may expect a speech from me, but I am not going to bore you. Let me just say one thing.” My mother looked over to us and raised her glass of champagne. “Always keep the fighting clean and the sex dirty.”

 

“That’s an easy enough task to manage,” I whisper to Jane.

 

Obviously it’s time for us to get over with the talking part, not that easy, because we both don’t like it very much. Before I can move Jane has already started.

 

“After all the embarrassing in the last three days I should tell you to enjoy today a lot, because there is no way you ever will see bad-ass Detective Jane Rizzoli this tame ever again,” Jane chuckles. “I also will make it short. Maura and I want to thank you for all the support we got and thanking you for being here today. Have fun because we will.”

 

Our guests slowly falling back into small talk we sneak away, over to the spot we got married some hours ago. Jane smuggling one of the table cloth from the caterer car, we sit down by the lake. She, backed up against a tree I come to rest between her legs, enjoying some quiet moments. Jane wrapping her arms around my waist we lace our fingers together in my lap, feeling her soft lips pressing gentle, small kisses to my neck.

 

We sit there in silence, watching the dugs, listening to the sounds swapping constantly to our ears from the distance. Snippets of conversations, laughter, dugs quacking, birds singing. I let my head fall back against her shoulder, closing my eyes. I could stay here forever.

 

Well, forever lasts for fifteen minutes as Lilly joins us. The first half of the year rushed past us like an express train and in the last two month we had barely seen her at all. Despite Jane’s reservations it works rather well and is quiet nice to have most parts of the family this close. It was the right thing to do. Now Frankie has enough room for Lilly, three bedrooms and a bath, stocked up on the original guest house and where our garage had been there was now a living room, kitchen and a small office.

 

Special situations sometimes require special measures and I would do anything for this family, my family.

 

Jane grabs Lilly’s hand and pulls her down into my lap. At first she was rather shy, grieving. It took time for her to smile again but within some month she thawed, became rather attached, loving to snuggle, searching for a lot of body contact and it is lovely to see Angela blossoming with her new role as a grandmother. Even my own parents are rather fond with Lilly, willingly replacing the missing part of second grandparents.

 

We stay ten more minutes before Frankie comes to find us, wanting to send out a search party already.

 

As the sun begins to set its time for our wedding dance, a huge surprise for everyone since we choose to stay classically with it, a Viennese waltz. At The Beautiful Blue Danube composed by Johann Strauss and performed by [Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra](https://www.google.de/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CCQQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wienerphilharmoniker.at%2F&ei=nf7wVKKhF4jnywP_toCIAg&usg=AFQjCNFofOcQaHeTvH_1_rm-QQoX0TYBDg&sig2=5uBNrOoBG4Zrj5ujd1wN7w).   

 

Having to choose, this would be the second best part beside the moment we got married. I probably was never more proud like in this moment. Feeling her hand just underneath my shoulder blades, the paper-thin distance between us, circling through the room.

 

Her dancing pose, her muscular jaw lifted, her face in a proud smile, her knee touching mine when she pulls her right leg towards her left, leaves me in awe with her variety, anyone thinking that Jane is simple and plain is much more than off base.

 

Jane had proposed it to me. She said that she always liked to watch people dance like this as a child, like floating, elegant and gracefully. And despite the fact that she never would admit it, I know she loves classical music. She plays them to perfection on the piano and you can’t do that if you don’t feel it.

 

Halfway through the dance we move over to our parents, for our mothers to cut in. I enjoy the closeness with my mother but much more I am dying to watch when we are going to switch and Jane will dance with her.

 

All I ever wanted was for my mother to acknowledge me, to share more than a rigid kiss on the cheek and stiff conversations about anything but us. The credit for having that now belongs to Jane and I love to watch them together. How my big bad-ass detective pulls my mother out of her shell and has her giggling like a little girl and if it wasn’t my mother I know I would have to watch my inner demon, because I know very well what comes along. She did the same with me. Her mischievously smile melts me into a puddle of wax in her hands in the split of a second.

 

Though I missed Jane terrible last night I also enjoyed the time with my mother. We watched an old classic on TV, cuddled in bed together, champagne and chocolate. Shed some tears over it and talked whispering well into the night. She had hold my hand and kissed my temple. Waking up, snuggled back into her, in a fetus position, like I had wished for so often during my childhood.

 

I had decided to let go of the past and to enjoy what I had gotten lately, time was too valuably to spend it with grim and being honest I could be thankful for the parents I got. Not for the fact that they offered me the world to do whatever I wanted and liked, but for the fact that they wanted me happy and nothing else. They could easily have dismissed my relation with Jane, refusing to support.

 

It wouldn’t had changed anything, but it would have hurt a lot. I know too well that a lot of people disrespected the fact that I am now married to a female detective, in their opinion not worth to be with me. The same people that come running with their big checks when the Isles Foundation hosts a fundraiser for something related to LGBT, only to be on everyone’s lips.

 

Sometimes it’s really sad. Hypocrisy is one of the biggest diseases on earth. Before we were out, beyond the extended family circle, a lot of the guys now tattling about her were more than lightly interested to bed Jane. Now she is not good enough. I probably will never get why people are so concerned about who shares whose bed.

 

  _I know very well that Jane doesn’t like things like this, but she does it anyway. For me! It is one of the things that come’s with my name and sometimes I like and enjoy it and sometimes I do not, but if I have to I rather like to do it with Jane beside me. I will tell her that her behaviour is childish and impossible sometimes, but she knows I like it, love it, need it._

_She will entertain me through the night._

_Sending text messages during speeches, telling me how bored she is and describing in every color what she would like to do instead. Making me laugh uncontrollable, putting words into others mouth, talking so far away from us that we can’t hear the real topic or voicing people’s thoughts, like in comics. Leading conversations with lobsters or crayfishes or statues, serving as a decoration on buffets. Whispering dirty things into my ear whenever I seem too interested into a speech, throwing me off totally._

_I love it that it is my thigh her hand lands on underneath the table, that I am the one walking through a room with her, my arm hooked underneath hers, free hand flat against her biceps. I enjoy all the looks we get, no matter if they are out of envy or incomprehension or admiration. She’s mine and I am proud of that. And I know she is proud too._

_In return for her to accompany me I try to pretty up as much as possible, however often she makes fun of my clothes and footwear I know it get’s her going._

_Mother had called in the matter closest to her heart, raising money for artists and the wealth had answered all over the country._

_She had shown up with a bag of croissants at our door in the morning surprisingly, because she always used to be very busy the hours before a charity party. It was a very mild Saturday night for March and she had welcomed us very warmly at the Ritz, despite the fact she had seen us just hours before._

_Dinner had been amazing and we strolled through the halls, assembled with projects from the artists that were founded, hands linked, glass of wine in the other one. The spectrum was very wide this year. Painters, graffiti- and performing artists, sculptors. Most of our conversations were brief and we had just left a group of men in our age as we ran into another couple._

_Barely into the talk, I picked up what was surely not intended for my ears to catch._

_“I have no idea why Maura choose a primate like this, she’s an Isles after all.”_

_“A friend of mine, a public defender has worked with her and he told me she’s a real bitch. Obviously not even her former partner wanted to work with her because she got a new one.”_

_“Maura invests so much time and money for charity and it is a shame that she is going to waste her life with a needy one, too.”_

_I was utterly shocked and tried desperately to get rid of the knot forming in my throat. We had talked to that men not even a minute before and they were not very quietly. The couple next to us and Jane and probably a lot of others could hear them. I squeezed Jane’s hand._

_“She has to be good at something though. Bet she is a grenade in bed if Maura wastes her time with the lowermost of the lower-class.”_

_Just as I had found my voice to defend the love of my life and give them a piece of my mind I saw my mother. She was standing in the middle of them and the one who had talked last earned him self a resounding slap that would have deserved an Oscar._

_With a stare that was about to freeze you to death and steel-hard facial expressions she spoke in an icy voice._

_“Your uncivilized behaviour, towards one of the highest decorated Detective’s of Massachusetts and in the history of the Boston’s Police Department, is highly inappropriate and an ultimate disgrace for all those who risks their life every day for someone like you. Your nonexistent respect contrary to my daughters and my family will cause adverse consequences to you.” She motioned for the door. “This is the signal for you all to leave and each of you should pray neither my husband yet me to ever meet again.”_

_She glanced over to us. “I thought that human beings with your status would have much more propriety, every cockroach in this city pays more tribute to Detective Rizzoli as you all together and now get out of here!”_

_Mother took Jane’s hand and her other touched my cheek. “I’m so sorry, Darling.”_

_Jane smiled lightly. “You didn’t have to do this. I don’t listen to such gossip.”_

_“I would have done it if mother wasn’t faster than me. They would never ever have forgotten my name for the rest of their life.”_

_Jane turned her head. “I’m accustomed to things like this. Please don’t go all drama about some bored snobby kids. I don’t like it, but I simple ignore it. I love my family and I’m proud of where I come from and no one will change that.”_

_“No Jane, it is enough now. I don’t use my name much often but the next one who dare’s to cross this line will regret it. The only thing that they will have to pick in the future is to be between the devil and the deep blue sea. I’m tiered of this fucking clichés.”_

_Jane looked at me with wide eyes. “Maura, language!”_

_“No that’s bullshit. You work very hard every day and paid for it more than once nearly with your life to take care of the citizen of Boston. I’m fed up with this. It doesn’t matter from where you come… no that’s wrong. I love where you are from. I love your mother and your brothers and I love you and nobody has the right to treat you like this.”_

_Jane enveloped my cheeks and pulled me in for a gentle kiss._

_“You are beautiful and so much smarter than every one of them, you are warm and strong, lovingly and honest, proudly and decently and you belong to me and no one has the right to insult my family, my love.”_

Jane may have said that it didn’t matter to her, nonetheless it had ended nearly in a fight three days later.

 

_Jane sat down her beer to the coffee table and looked at me. “Let’s make an appointment with your lawyer and set up a prenuptial agreement,” Jane said out of nowhere and caught me off guard._

_“What?”_

_“Yeah, you know that sheet of paper that saves your family’s money,” Jane answered._

_“Jane I know what a prenuptial agreement is but I don’t know where this is coming from.”_

_Jane had laughed bitterly. “Look Maura, everyone, and don’t deny it, thinks that all of this is about money and status and I don’t want anything between us. So let’s just do this.”_

_I watched her silently for some minutes._

_“This is about these assholes last Saturday, isn’t it? Jane I’m really tired of this talk about money and status and whatever. I know it isn’t easy for you that you believe not to earn enough to fund our life. Do you remember what I told you in Paris? There is so much of it that our great-grandchildren wouldn’t have to work a minute, but you also know that we can live very well with both of our incomes. How many times did I tell you that it doesn’t matter who of us has more and I mean it? You know I can’t lie and this isn’t bending the truth or something. I’m honest with you, it doesn’t matter and if it’s your wish we don’t have to touch some of my money. We use our income and are just happy. I’m not signing such a paper and that is my last word.”_

_I got up from the couch and walked into my office. I had called my father and had cried on the phone, telling him about our disagreement. I told him that I wanted him to cut off every access to any money outside the private accounts._

_They both had come over immediately and while my father came to see me mother let Jane show her some of her cooking skills._

_After we had dinner my father grabbed a glass of cognac. “May you join me Jane?” He asked nearly in passing, walking out of the back door._

_Jane stammered a ‘yes sir’. Not being very far from them we both could hear every word trough the closed door._

_“If you ever call me sir again I have to ask your mother to show me exactly how she hits the back of your head,” he said smiling._

_“We have to talk about something. Maura called me after your conversation and I think highly about your suggestion to setting up that agreement. And I have to admit that I would have insisted to it if someone else were about to marry my daughter. Maura is very insulted about your behaviour,” he laughed._

_“She asked me to cut off her access to all of the accounts, to write over all of her fond’s, because she loves you and isn’t willing to let anything of it getting between you two.”_

_There was a briefly pause._

_“I could do that and I will if she ask me again. I know Maura, she wouldn’t let go of something she decide to be necessary. You understand why she isn’t willing to sign off that agreement?”_

_Probably Jane shook her head, because nothing was said._

_“She trusts you with her life and she is not willing to let someone think she doesn’t, that we don’t trust you. We trust you and we know exactly that you don’t share our daughter’s bed because you want her money. I know that you turned her down anytime she offered to buy you something. That you tried to force your money on her for letting your mother live in the guest house.”_

_I could hear him smiling. “Let go of your pride and the things some jealous people talk about you. Never mention that agreement again and I just got a sudden attack of infirmity and just forgot everything she asked me for.”_

It never really was about any money. Jane was just tired of being accused for leading me on and there was one very important thing anyway. If she would ever leave me she could take everything with her, it wouldn’t matter. She was and will ever be the only thing I need.

We never talked about something as unimportant as ‘carrying over the threshold’ and so I squeal at the top of my lungs as Jane picks me up bridal style and does just that. She plops down on the couch with me coming to rest in her lap and suddenly the giggling dies down, clearing the space for realisation; we are married.

 

I shift a little, my palm coming to rest against her jaw and I lean in for a gentle kiss and kissing me back she picks me up again making the way upstairs.

 

Our bedroom comes as a surprise. The look on Jane’s face tells me that she has nothing to do with it. The room is lid in hundreds of artificially candles, perhaps not as romantic as real ones but safe, and the light can be dimmed down, like it is. There are rose petals shaping a heart on our bed which is also enveloped in white silk drapes, making it look like a canopy. There is champagne and strawberries waiting and we are so baffled that Jane is still holding me.

 

Setting me slowly down I pull her into another kiss. I let my lips glide over her jaw, down to her neck and further lower to her collarbone, slowly circling her, never loosing the contact I come to stand behind her. Peppering her shoulders and neck with soft kisses I slowly untie the corsage.

 

There were a lot of amazing lingerie to choose from, but both our dresses didn’t allow for much. Jane had decided to wear nearly flat roman sandals and was most likely not wearing any stockings. I know I didn’t, in favour of the temperature and my Jimmy Choo high heel sandals did go well without them. Though I did choose some sexy lingerie, at least there were three weeks of honeymoon coming…

 

Her hand disappears from my hip and hearing the first tunes of the song, Barry must have had a hand or two in this. I have Googled the song, the interpreter of this version is one of the most famous, female country singer in the USA. The song text may be a bit off, regarding our relation, but I like it nonetheless and Jane does obviously too.  

 

Her right hand comes to rest on the small of my back, her left captures my right one. She pulls me closer, starting to move slowly. There we are, wearing nothing but barely-there underwear, slow-dancing in our bedroom, forehead to forehead, nose to nose.

 

I love this pureness, this honesty I can only have with Jane. I tend to forget how anything looks in the eyes of others, it doesn’t matter. I can be silly, boldly, frankly, childish and it doesn’t matter. I love how she can make me laugh.

 

Consuming our marriage yields tenderness and we spend hours kissing, touching, cuddling, snuggling. We have all the time in the world for anything else.

 

        

 

*Tu sei quella a che stavo aspettando/ Vous êtes celui que j'ai attendu pour - you're the one I've been waiting for     

 

*per cent’anni - to hundred year’s

 

* Evviva – cheers/hurrah

          

 

 

 


End file.
